Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) That's amazing.

So what else do you see in my

future?

I see there are many in your family

who have lived to be very old.

Wow, that's so true.

My grandmother's 92, and if he were still

alive, my great-grandfather would be 117.

So what do you see about my love

life?

Hunker down, folks.

It could be here for a while.

Well, according to your passion line, I see

you involved with many men.

Good, so nothing's gonna change.

Wait a second.

Where did you say the passion line was?

It's right below your never-gonna-get-any

line.

I see good things ahead.

You'd be wise to invest in the future.

It will definitely bear fruit.

Oh, yeah, well, screw you, Grandma.

Oh, yeah, you can't give me the finger

and hold on to the walker at the

same time, can you?

That's my boss, but look who I'm telling.

Hey, Becca, this is Ruby.

For five bucks, she'll read your palm.

She's amazing.

Yeah, she told me I had a really

long life line.

Yeah, you're late for work.

She mention anything about the unemployment line?

See ya.

Palm reader, huh?

Your parents must be so proud.

Actually, they're deceased.

Died of disappointment, did they?

Sorry.

That's all right.

I see people like him every day.

Yeah, pity us.

We see him every day.

Come on, Nina, come on.

Guy's a palm reader?

You're not that stupid, are you, Bob?

Okay, my turn.

No, no, me.

Actually, I gotta go, but I'll be back

in the neighborhood again tomorrow.

Okay, before you go, is there anything special

I should do until you get back?

Do something about that rash.

Uh-oh, it's back.

Coffee to go.

Please don't tell me you're part of that

nonsense.

Are you kidding?

I'd never let anyone read my palm or

tell my fortune or any of that.

Finally, a voice of reason.

I don't wanna know what my future's gonna

be.

What if it's bad?

If?

Yeah, the grease on the wall, the bits

of bacon in your hair.

If that's not a clue, I don't know

what is.

I know I'm late, Margaret, but I have

a really good excuse.

Okay, hit me.

Well, remember when I took the day off

because my grandfather died?

Which time?

The time he actually died.

Anyways, he left me some money, so this

morning I went to the bank and took

it all out because a palm reader named

Ruby told me to invest in the future.

And you're really gonna do it?

Exactly how much money are we talking about?

Well, I was saving up to buy a

car, but Ruby said if I invest the

money, it'll definitely bear fruit.

Now, all I have to do is find

the right thing to invest in.

Because some palm reader told you to?

What am I supposed to do, listen to

a money manager who's not even psychic?

Linda, investing can be very tricky.

You really have to do your homework.

Oh, you don't have to worry about me,

Margaret.

I'm gonna be very careful and do a

lot of research.

Got it.

That's an ad for wrinkle cream.

Is that what you're gonna invest in?

Margaret, this is the cosmos.

You don't take it literally.

Okay, wrinkle cream is for people who are

out in the sun a lot, and there's

lots of sun in Florida.

And what is Florida known for?

Not counting votes?

No, old people and fruit.

Now, fruit left out in the sun looks

like old people, but there's no money in

that.

So, it's gotta be fruit.

Ruby said my investment would bear fruit.

Wow, this just got weird.

Just now?

But what kind of fruit is in Florida?

Oranges?

No, that's what they want you to think.

Okay, I'm going with grapefruits.

Grapefruit, grapefruit, grapefruit, grapefruit, grapefruit.

Linda's stuck again.

Got it!

Grapefruit International.

Wow, Ruby read my palm, and this company

grows grapefruits.

Ruby read grapefruits.

Perfect!

She talking about that weirdo down at the

diner?

Yeah, and apparently she convinced Linda to invest

all of her money in fruit.

Can you believe it?

Oh, palm reading is just so ridiculous.

Thank you.

Finally, somebody agrees with me.

It's all such a crock.

Tarot cards, numerology, phrenology, the Bible, astrology.

John.

I said the Bible, didn't I?

And you were doing so well.

Wow, Ruby, you're amazing.

What else do you see?

Well, I see you've had to overcome a

lot of obstacles in your life.

He's blind.

His life is nothing but obstacles.

Come on, do me.

No, leave him alone.

She just started.

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Well, I see a nice long lifeline, so

you'll live to be a ripe old age.

You'll also fall in love again, in fact,

many times.

Do you see any love for me this

weekend?

Sorry, it doesn't work like that.

You see anything for me this weekend?

No.

Where did she see that?

She wasn't looking at your hand, Bob.

This is interesting.

I see pain in your life, but it

will soon disappear.

Wow.

Now, does it say exactly what kind?

Time's up.

Here's my money.

Do me.

Do me.

I'm guessing that's not the first time you've

said that.

Oh, yeah, the palm reader again.

Hey, Chris, you know what else is fun?

You get a cup, you put some coffee

in it, then sometime in the very near

future, give it to me.

What is your problem?

So what if somebody believes in something you

don't?

Why does it bother you so much?

Because I hang out here.

It makes me a dumbass by proxy.

You mean your sex line and your money

line run into each other.

Occasionally.

Occasionally?

Shut up.

What else do you see?

Well, I see a lot of happiness in

your life, although not until a valued friendship

has been repaired.

Holy smokes.

Which one?

Well, it doesn't say, but I'm sure the

answer will make itself clear to you.

That's amazing, Ruby.

How is that amazing?

She just told you to figure it out

for yourself.

Hey, John, why don't you let Ruby read

your palm?

You might learn something.

Oh, please.

Yeah, Becca, what are you, scared?

Don't force him.

If he's not interested, that's okay.

Hey, you know what, John?

If it's the money, I'll pay the five

bucks.

It's not the money.

It's always the money.

You said you don't believe in any of

this, so what are you so afraid of?

Oh, all right, fine.

I will let Ruby read my palm.

If for no other reason than to show

you all this is a bunch of nonsense.

Come on, fork over the five bucks.

Here.

All right, let's see.

Oh, my God.

I, uh, just remembered there's some place I

need to be.

What, what, what, what, what are you...

I'm sorry, I have to go.

Goodbye.

No, no, what...

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

See, that's what I'm afraid of.

Hey, Margaret, could you get in here a

minute?

Sure, what do you need?

Well, there...

There are lots of reasons.

Colour might drain from a woman's face, causing

her to run from a room.

Right?

Were you on a date?

No, I wasn't on a date.

Just answer the damn question.

Well, maybe the woman was anemic.

Well, I already got that.

What else?

Uh, maybe she had low blood sugar.

Maybe she was pregnant.

Maybe an anxiety attack.

Oh, that's all good.

Thank you.

Or maybe she saw something horrible, and it

scared her to death.

No, no, no, no, that's not it.

Something else.

Well, why are you asking me, anyway?

You might need to know this.

I mean, what if something horrible happened to

me someday?

Then what would you do?

You mean before or after the party?

Get out.

Well, this is a first.

You're working through lunch.

Please, Margaret, I didn't even work through the

morning.

I'm checking my grapefruit stock.

Oh, no.

What's wrong?

Well, yesterday it went all the way up

to 50, but now, look, it's only at

25.

Oh, but you have twice as many shares.

Your stock split.

That ridiculous system of yours worked.

You mean that's good?

Yes, that's good.

It got so high, it had to split.

Boy, I know what that's like.

Hey, what's going on?

Why didn't you tell me lunch was here?

Well, yours isn't.

Ming accidentally left out your order.

They're sending it over.

Accidentally, my ass.

He hates it when I use the coupons.

Guess what, Dr. Becker?

My grapefruit stock went up and split.

That's a good thing.

And it's all because of Ruby.

She saw all of it right in my

hand.

That's ridiculous.

You can't tell the future by looking at

somebody's hand.

Look, I'm starving.

When is my lunch coming?

Relax.

Here.

Have a fortune cookie.

Oh, my God.

My fortune says riches will soon be yours.

Ruby was right.

Mine says you will share in the fortune

of a friend.

Oh, Linda!

Your future is in your hands.

I'm a dead man.

Hey, Jake.

I've been thinking about what Ruby told me.

You know, that a valued friendship will be

repaired.

Well, if it needs to be repaired, then

there's obviously a problem.

And since I don't have a problem, it's

gotta be you.

Well, how do you know it's not one

of your other friends?

There's you and my neighbor, Carl.

He only wears socks, and he thinks we

were in NAMM together.

Well, maybe it's him.

Maybe he's got the problem.

Nah, we get along great.

He thinks I took a bullet for him.

So it's gotta be you.

Well, Bob, I-I have no problem.

Sure you do, and it's not good to

keep it bottled up.

Nothing's bottled up.

All I'm saying is that this hidden animosity

of yours could wreck our friendship.

Listen, Bob, there is no damn problem.

Just drop it, okay?

You see, there it is.

The animosity.

You do have a problem with me.

And after all I've done for you...

What have you done for me?

Well, obviously, nothing you appreciate.

What was that all about?

I'm not sure.

Although Ruby did say a great pain would

disappear.

Yeah, and there he goes.

And here comes another one.

Hey, guys.

Uh, you wouldn't happen to know where to

find that Ruby woman, do you?

I knew it.

That look on Ruby's face when she looked

at your palm has got you really freaked

out, doesn't it?

Well, oh, no, no, no.

Not at all.

But I'll tell you, as a doctor, I

am a little concerned for her.

Did you see the way that color drained

out of her face?

She could be anemic or low blood sugar

or something like that.

She actually needs to be checked out, which,

you know, I could do as a doctor

if I knew where to find her.

Well, you know, as a doctor, you're full

of it.

Yeah, you want to find her because you're

scared.

Yeah, I am scared for her.

You know, that's okay.

I'd be scared, too.

I mean, a woman sees things.

She doesn't see things any more than you

do.

Oh, but that look on her face.

I still can't get it out of my

mind.

If I were you, I'd want to talk

to Ruby, too, you know, find out what

she saw.

Yeah, well, I'm sure you would, but, you

know, I have something that prevents me from

believing that crap.

Let's see, what is it?

Oh, yes, that's right, an education.

Ah, here it comes.

Yeah, Harvard education.

Here you go.

Which is why I will never need to

consult a palm reader, talk to a psychic,

or pay any attention whatsoever to a stupid

fortune cookie.

No Harvard man would do that.

What do you know?

It's only Wednesday, and it's already been a

four Harvard week.

Margaret?

Need me to help you fax something?

No, no, I just sent a copy of

Mrs. Vendetti's liver panel over to Dr. Freeman.

You don't have to...

Oh, no wonder you're concerned about her liver.

It grew fingers.

Oh, did I say liver?

No, I meant hand.

I sent a copy of her hand to

Dr. Freeman.

Why?

He's a liver specialist.

And she has liver spots all over her

hands.

Who's the doctor here, Margaret?

What's going on with you?

Oh, all right, all right.

I just got some very disturbing news from

Melinda's palm reader.

You're kidding me.

No, I know, I know, I know, I

know.

But she looked at my hand, and then

she said, oh, my God, and then she

made this really scary face and ran from

the room.

I mean, it was like she was looking

at some black abyss of death and destruction.

So you're faxing her copies of your hand?

No, no, come on.

I did not waste eight years at Harvard.

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Look, look, look, Margaret, this is gonna be

a very scientific, controlled experiment.

I am gonna send five copies of my

hand to five different palm readers.

Now, if there's something to see, they're all

gonna see it.

What?

Do you hear yourself?

You are the most skeptical human being I

know, yet some woman with a bandana and

dangling earrings looks at a crease in your

hand, and you freak out.

She was not wearing a bandana.

You know something?

You make a good point.

Ruby is a genius.

I was walking by the deli on the

corner, and in the window there was a

sign.

It said, Grapefruit, two for a dollar.

And right underneath it was a sign for

the lottery.

I'm telling you, Margaret, it was a sign.

Actually, two signs.

Go on, go on.

Well, what else could I do?

I cashed in my stock and bought lotto

tickets, thousands of them.

My God, Linda, how much did you win?

$50.

And I've never won anything in my whole

life, and it's all because of Ruby.

There you go, John.

Because of Ruby, Linda turned her grandfather's inheritance

into $50.

Is that who you are?

Linda?

But you didn't see Ruby's face, Margaret.

You didn't see her eyes.

You didn't see the look she gave me

when she ran from the room.

I mean, what if I die, Margaret?

What if she...

Ow.

I'm sorry, John, but if you go over

to Linda's side, I am in this office

all by myself.

You're right.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

Maybe I should just take a walk, you

know, clear my head, get some fresh air.

Maybe I can just step back from this

problem and look at it clearly, rationally, logically.

Madam Zora?

Yeah?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Please, come in.

Sit.

Thank you.

Yeah, um...

I don't really know how this stuff works,

but I saw your sign outside, and I

-I have a few questions about my future.

I know.

What's your pleasure?

Tarot cards?

Psychic reading?

Tea leaves?

No, your sign said palm reading.

Ah, my specialty.

But first, you need to relax and pay

me $20.

That's like four times what the other palm

reader charged.

I know.

Oh, fine, here.

Oh.

And now, Madam Zora will be able to

unlock the mysteries you hold in your palm.

Oh.

Interesting.

Zora!

Where the hell is my ointment?

In the medicine cabinet!

Sorry.

I see that your lifeline doubles.

That is a sign of great vitality and

positive forces around you.

And your love line...

We're out of pretzels!

I'm working!

Eat the damn Fritos!

You know, is this a bad time?

I-I could come back.

Oh, no.

He'll settle down once he starts eating.

Ah, your money line.

I see success on many levels.

Uh, get to the bad stuff.

And then you'll fail.

Zora!

Wow!

Who is it?

You're the psychic, you tell me!

I can tell you where that phone's gonna

be in about two minutes!

I'm so sorry.

I knew that was going to happen.

Jake?

Yeah.

I made a decision.

Since our friendship seems to be kaput, I'm

returning everything I've ever borrowed.

Here's the ten bucks from last week.

I didn't know you took this.

Damn!

And here's the godfather DVD I borrowed.

I didn't loan you this.

At the time, I thought we were close

enough that I didn't have to ask.

And here's your TV remote.

I've been looking all over for this.

Why in the world would you take my

TV remote?

I was trying to impress a girl.

Now, how's that supposed to impress a...

You know what?

I don't care.

I don't care.

But I was wrong when I said there

was nothing wrong in our friendship.

There is something wrong.

You're stealing all my stuff!

Yeah, but now we're talking about it.

If you had done that in the first

place, you wouldn't be here right now.

Fine.

Whatever.

I got to go to the bank.

I'll go with you.

I got your ATM card.

Ruby, you were right.

A valued friendship has been repaired.

Yeah, but I still got that pain.

I don't think that one's ever going away.

Oh, hi, Ruby.

Can I get you a cup of coffee?

Yes, thank you.

Okay.

I've never done this before because I've always

been too afraid.

But I finally worked up the courage and

I'd like to have my palm read.

Oh, great.

I'd be glad to.

What do you see?

Well...

No, I can't.

I can't change my mind.

No, okay.

Okay, well, just tell me.

Well...

Unless it's bad, then don't.

Tell me.

Okay.

Maybe you could just show me your pinky

and we could ease into it.

I'll do it.

Okay.

But hurry up and get it over with.

It's just like when I lost my virginity.

Well, I see romance.

Well, I was married.

Is that the romance you see?

Oh, no, no.

This is definitely in the future.

Oh, well, that sounds good.

And I see a good, long, healthy life.

Oh, romance and health.

You know what?

I like to leave a party while I'm

still having fun.

So let's just stop here before you tell

me anything I don't want to hear.

Can I get you anything else?

Just that coffee.

Okay, fine.

Just let me know.

Oh, my God.

It's you.

Oh, hello.

How are you?

Yeah, you tell me.

What did you see in my hand?

What do you mean?

My hand.

You looked at my hand and then you

ran out of here.

Oh, that was nothing.

I saw your watch and realized I was

late for a birthday party.

I was working out in Queens.

So you didn't see anything?

No dark abyss?

Oh, please.

You're a smart guy.

Well, I did go to Harvard.

Then you should know.

It's just the lines on your hand.

It means nothing.

Huh.

All right, then.

I'm okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was never really concerned, you know

what I mean?

This palm reading's crap, but I still...

Oh, my God.

Uh, hello.

Uh, can you come out here, please?

Yes?

Uh, could I look at your hand one

more time?

I just want to check your love line

again.

Oh, okay.

What do you see?

Just be careful.

Be very careful.

Be careful of what?

I knew this was a bad idea.

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