Original subtitles

12 km south of the Kingdom capital

665 m above sea level

between 3 natural parks and 7 industrial complexes

is located, serene and majestic, the town of Legan�s.

Almost a thousand years of history

close to 200,000 inhabitants and a soft dry mediterranean climate.

Some say it is a dorm city.

and that must be true, because is in dorms where you do the best things in life.

There is about everything in Legan�s, 20 square meters of green areas per person, a local Virgin

a Churriguera retable, 18 bus lines, 7532,5 unemployed

an old madhouse, a ceilinged bullring and a piece of university

besides, something that makes us unique in the world

a full street dedicated to the greatest creative geniuses of the history of humanity

AC/DC

the best rock and roll band that there was, there is, and there will be

and as everyone knows the spanish for the english pronunciation is Isi/Disi

Our names are those because of them, I am Isi, and that's my friend Disi

Isi, the cops are coming

Damn, the sign is stuck

I'm sure it's her Copied central

Hey, the ladder dude

To the right man This is stuck.

Stop, stop. Use the brakes.

You killed him. Shit, but he fall on top.

Dude, are you ok?

Those two again.

Go that way!

There!

Hey, I'm the one with the sign.

What the fuck are you doing?

Move now goddamit.

I know who you are.

ISI/DISI Wild love

Another sign!

Hang it man.

Welcome to "Hell's Bell".

The real metal temple of Legan�s.

Rockers of all generations come here from all around the world.

I come here because is in front of my house.

This is Chinch�n, not really a rocker, but he was already here when we got the place

Since before.

Sometimes we are visited by international stars from the music industry.

From soccer too dude.

-Right ok, what do you want? -Some cockles please.

Our best dishes are made with cockles, steamed,

roasted, 'turn and turn', grilled.

Of course, alays with our patented sauce. "Eugenio's sauce, pure Legan�s style"

'Cockles', come on that they are almost gone, another one on the way.

As you can see, the ambiance here is awesome.

But sometimes clueless guys get in.

Come on, ask for a Sabina song.

-Excuseme. -Get away. -Do you have some Sabina?

Whom?

A Sabina song?

Take your Sabina.

What the hell, I've told you a thousand times I don't want fights in my bar.

This is Eugenio the bar and sauce owner.

Sorry but is his fault, he asked for Sabina.

In that case, let's give him some more

He often sais that the customer is always right... when he is.

He is a good guy, just sometimes he is a bit of a grump.

Hey, don't you see this is full?

I was taking a brake.

A brake, you are taking a brake but this guys aren`t.

Go on, go inside to cook cockles.

Life is this heavy, even in a paradise like this we have to work.

I'd have prefered to be a rock star, or a drugdealer...

or even better, luxury gigolo.

But anyway, Legan�s is good, here we live the good life.

We use natural resources.

We use the environment without destroying it.

-This is the good stuff, not the shit they sell out there. -Obviously, like home made, good good.

We embellish the urban environment.

This is the shit. This, not even Picasso dude!

And we do sports every chance we get, is very good against osteoarthritis.

We enjoy having fun without bothering anyone

but we really enjoy attending neighborhood meetings

where we make deep friendships.

Definitively, a heavy but decent life.

I come often to this joint because is close to my house.

My old man worships Bon Scott...

...first AC/DC lead voice.

I, however, prefer Brian Johnson.

Anyway, two different people, one same god. AC/DC.

This is my mother, powerful right?

Now she is fatter but she is still the same nordic woman.

She was in the cover of "Super Tits" magazine in march of 1980.

All natural, by the way.

Ever since she ran away with Victor Manuel, my old man is always in the cockles.

And that's how we make a living. This is my place, awesome right?

I've done all the decorations, you will not find a single fucking IKEA item here.

It seems this place was used in war times to hide mad people.

We continue to do that.

Dude, rehearsals are sacred, if you wanna leave, leave, we can find another singer and the hell with you.

Pota, the pot is relaxing, smoke man, smoke.

We have been practicing 10 years now.

Not every day, nor every month.

But with dignity, a lot of dignity.

And when we make our debut, is gonna be great.

Fuck!

Is like, we almost died, damn.

University "Carlos III", a knowledge temple here in Legan�s.

-Every thursday they buy us cockles. -These guys are real nerds.

Yeah they have science-faces those guys with glasses.

Anyway you ask about multiplications and thay say logarithms. Yeah, and there are smart guys but no hot girls.

Isi, fuck, the cockles, Isi.

Isi, wait.

Excuseme, is this the line? -Yeah, come.

Are you dumb? Come on.

I'm in love.

Yeah of course, come on, let's go.

Next.

Oh, come on.

Dude, forget it, don't you see she wouldn't be interested in you?

The hell with that.

She is the woman of my life.

Hey, what are you doing? I'm gonna hit...

-Say something naughty dude. -Grab your purse, don't look and grab your purse.

What's up?

You know the time?

Ah well, I'm leaving.

Ok sons of bitches, when you say line, what line you mean?, this one?

The sky in Legan�s is special, in particular at this time.

And if you happen to be in love, it's more special.

If I wouldn't have this vertigo, I'd fly over Legan�s all day long.

Pota works here.

I come whenever I am depressed.

-Hey Pota, something bad happens if I remove this? -Leave that.

Isi, dude, the girl is hot but you are overreacting.

Besides she is a snob.

Besides you met her at the college, come on.

Whats the matter with that, the importatnt thing is that I found her.

Don't you know that we all have a soulmate somewhere?

Ok, not you, but almost everyone.

Somewhere, we have our perfect half,

our ideal partner, our half-orange.

And I have found it in her.

Dude, how long since your last fuck?

Is not that, is not just about sex, is something else.

Shut up dude and smoke.

Enough drug is this girl.

Such a bastard.

-You want a cheese Pota? -Sure, you want a lollypop? -Ok.

Love is, well the fucking ruin.

I just met this girl, I don't even know her name, but I can't stop thinking about her.

What's up?

I can't stop thinking about her not even for a second.

This is terrible, I must forget her at all cost.

43 Kg of cockles give a lot of time to think.

And now is all clear to me, it was just the moment.

I don't even remember her face.

Besides, there are many girls out there.

And I am a hunk.

Son, are you high?, I mean higher than usual. You are like dumb, you haven't gone out in like three days.

No dad, you know what is it... I am... well... in lo... in love, but is all right now.

Isi dude, look who is here to see you.

No!

Give me a calimocho?

It can be possible.

Ok, I was wrong, is still there. I need to go after her.

She is the woman of my life and she must be mine.

Yeah, I'm going for her!

My son, only God knows what are you taking now.

Well, just the usual.

It happens that I am the dean of this faculty, so if someone has a complain about me you can give it to me.

You, are you students?

Of course dude, are you?

May I see your University IDs?

-Are you discriminating us? You must be one of those people that thinks is wrong for the son of a laborer to go to college. -Or maybe you aren't.

Go ahead, take your sits.

You, you, it is prohibited to smoke here.

Is not tobacco man.

-Move, move. -What?

-...is what I call progresive approximation to the... -approximation

What are you doing?

Names, your names, I want your names.

They are so close. Yeah, is better not to pay attention to this people.

-By the way, I'm Manu. -Hi, I'm Vane.

You see?, he wants to fuck her.

You are jealous, don't worry, I'll take care.

Hey, does your father still sell drugs?, by the way, you want some cheese?

What are you talking about?

Relax, is cool.

Hi, how are you?

Well, I tought you and me... aha, me...

you are the hottest girl I've seen in my fucking life.

Those two, get them out of here immediatly.

The bastard called the pigs.

-The fuck with them! -Let's not make this a big deal.

You took my cheese away, bastards.

You are not seeing her here, you have to find her elsewere.

Here there is nothing more than nerds!

Let's wait for her to go out. Is done, did you see the way she looked at me?

did you see how she laughed?

With me she has fun, that's sure.

You think?

Yeah, we atract each other like two fucking magnets.

As soon as she is out I'll go and marry her.

I'll have three kids, no, seven, seven little heavies.

You know why seven?, because she is my Snow White, and I am his Blue Prince.

Great.

There is no security, anyone can get in the classroom.

There she is dude.

This is your chance of saying something, come on.

Tell her about the Blue Prince, that`s cool.

Isis dude, we have been walking for half an hour and my balls are heavy now.

I swear that before we reach the corner, I'll talk to her.

Don't look back, those potheads are coming.

-Don't look. -I don't think they are dangerous.

-I'm thinking what am I gonna say, I don't wanna fuck this. -Tell her you have a big dick, they like that.

What if we stop and ask them what do they want?

What do they want?, to rape us when we reach that vacant lot.

All right dude, if you don't wanna help me is ok, but this is a big moment in my life.

Hi, I'm Isi, I go to college with you.

Stop.

-They want to rape us. -No, is not that.

-Stop, stop. -Enter in the car.

What's up with you?, You have any problem?, by the way, I hate cheese, fatso.

You hear that?, he called me fatso.

-What a fuck. -And he doesn't like cheese.

What are you doing?

What is it?

Ok, we are secret police officers, we need your car for a special mission.

Ok, but you will show me your badge or something, right?

-What is that about with badges, IDs and the shit? -I'm gonna hit...

No no no, not the car, don't take the car.

-That bastard is trying to grab her leg. -If he hasn't already fucked her, snobs are skilled.

-I'm sure the bastard wants to do a "menas as truas" with them. -What's that, for smoking?

No, for fucking, with two girls at once.

You are jealous dude.

Me, jealous?, ok yes, I am.

Is not ok if I am?

She is my woman, the mother of my kids.

-There they are. -Ok, let's go for her.

-He took her away from me like a fucking louse. -Fuck his mother, like a fucking louse, let's go.

How many tickets have we given to this one?

We will give it the necessary.

Let's go dude!

My God, what a crash!

Hands up!

You look beautiful honey.

-Against the car! -S�nchez please, lower your weapon.

And you, get the car papers, what a mess you made.

Is this your car?

Yeah, you want to go to the movies or something?

Stop that shit, the papers.

When are you going to grow up and stop messing around? By the way, how is your old man?

I don't have papers, but if you want, we can have a party.

-Good, good, working with the cockles.

The parties that we had together.

Who's the baby?

My nephew.

Your nephew?, but you don't have siblings.

Yeah, from my mother side.

He looks just like my the little guy.

Come here and say hello to your friends the cops.

Help, help.

Police, stop them!

My car, my... my kid.

Great dude.

-What you got? -Same stuff as always. -Give me the usual.

All right, if I see a meteor, my girl will be my girl.

What is it?

Come on nothing happened, a couple of court citations, a fine.

Maybe the guy gets cool and doesn't even press charges.

Come on Isi, the judge will understand.

Guck the judge.

Tell me something about her, how is she?

Her name is... I don't fucking know.

-But look, I have her pen. -Great, I see you have control about the situation.

If I tell you something Kuki, will you not say it to anyone?

Ever since I know this girl...

-I haven's beaten it. -What did you say?

I can't rub it while thinking in another girl.

Isi, rub it while thinking in her.

No, not that we barely know each other.

Isi, you are changed.

I'm happy for you, it's about time.

She stole my heart.

She is into me, I am now a jealous guy, I am a criminal, I was never like this.

Poor thing, you must get that girl no matter what.

First, you must get to know her, if you wanted to be with me you had to know things about me,

like that my favorite food is tripe, that my drink is the calimocho,

and my idol is Mono Burgos.

Kuki is right, you need information.

And he needs Chinch�n, in front of love Chinch�n, in front of a woman Chinch�n, and in front of a partner Chinch�n.

So Chinch�n is like 3 in 1.

We will have to climb.

Getting in in a place like this gets me hard, like you can't imagine. Think is I am hard, really hard.

Ok, that's awesome, but can you keep quiet.

We get in, we get the information I need, and that's it, ok?.

Dude, this is shit.

We should have used the door.

A girl dorm is like a harem.

In the door, like a Cancerberus, they put a hideous woman or an eunuch.

What's a cance... canber... an eunuch?

An eunuch, a dickless.

Shall we get in?

Quiet.

It stinks in here.

Is a restroom, you think they don't shit?

Yeah, and they pee too, like me.

You really need to?

No but since we are already here.

Dude, she is rubing her... her thing?

Great.

My arm is trapped.

What a punch she gave me.

We must hurry while she is trapped.

Attention, attention, there are two extremely dangerous guys in the building, I repeat two extremely dangerous guys, or at least vicious.

She means us?

Again the rapists.

We are fucked.

Now we are fucked. The Matrix guys jump all the way easily.

Yeah, but this is not the Matrix, this is Legan�s.

And I have some vertigo.

Dude, we jump or those girls will kill us.

No, let's not jump, anything but jumping.

Dude, this is easy, we grab those ropes and then we get to the other side.

Ok, you go first, I'll cover you.

This is fucking high.

They jumped!

Goddamit.

Don't tell me you just shitted yourself.

What? of course I didn't asshole.

I can't hold it any longer, you are too heavy.

Hold on, for your father.

Rapists.

It's her.

Go fuck yourselves!

She'll kill us.

Fuck, they are dead.

They... they are dead.

Great.

This guy chases me all around, what's his name?

"Juan Luis" Sabina, a guy that sings.

I wonder who lives in this place.

She must be some jackass if she puts posters of this guy all over the walls.

Isi, isn't this your girl?

Fate wants us to be together, since we got in I realized this was her room.

Because of this sweet special odour, it's like...

...pussy.

Ever since my boobs grew, all men I know, except my father of course, just want to sleep with me.

You pig.

Is like virginal woman,

Like princess.

Like Snow White, mother of my seven little heavies.

Here it is.

Really, it seems is useless for me speaking 4 languages, that I got a 9.2 grade in highschool,

and that I make a big effort here in college, people just look at me because of my body.

-No, I think you are a little parcial. -Of course not, I tell you because of my experience.

I think I am not playing anymore.

Fuck!

Awesome.

You want me to give you a massage.

Ok.

Relax.

I think in a woman, everything is important.

What you can see, what you can't, what you can guess, what you can feel...

She is gorgeus.

...what there is in the soul, what there is in the body, Vanesa, you are so tense.

You know what, just go for the cervical.

Vanesa, what a good name.

Dude, are you insane?

Are you jerking off?

What do you think, of course I'm jerking off.

You should relax everything a little, don't you think?

No, I just need a hot bath, that's it.

Yeah, and I just need a cold one.

Don't do that with my girl, besides she will hear you.

What's that?

There is someone.

Me filthy, what about you?, you shitted yourself.

I didn't shit.

-Put it inside dammit. -Just let me finish.

Hold this.

I'm gonna cut it into little pieces.

Thanks for your help dude, after this, nothing will happen with Vanesa.

Who's Vanesa?... ah ok yeah, sorry.

Not cumming is bad, but I think cumming like that is worst.

I think you even cum pieces of brain.

Silence dammit, you are arrested.

Didn't you hear my partner.

You have a beautiful voice honey.

-Did you eat it? -No.

Just the eye, and I think the nose too.

Good, the important thing here is that your esophagus is ok.

If you lose sight parcially or totally call your doctor.

-I'm just going to prescribe some eye drops, ok?. -I didn't know it could be that corrosive.

Not everyone tolerates semen equally miss.

I have a sample for an analysis.

But to the naked eye, we can see it's high density.

It's like yoghurt, right.

Almost curd.

Impressive.

Did you tell them to press charges?

But S�nchez, this is just a kids game.

A kids game?, is trespassing a kids game?, is violation?, what about yesterday?, theft, kidnapping and vandalism.

Excuseme young man, scientific curiosity, can you tell me what you base your diet on.

Cheese.

Just cheese?

And joints.

Cannabis

Vane didn't press charges, her friend did, and the dorm, and the University, and that mounstrous doorwoman, but...

but not Vane, and I think that means something,

Look, is that guy.

Hey, what's up?

So, not everything is lost, some mistakes were made, but come on, the important thing is that I think she likes me.

Now I have to be careful and not let some jackass try to steal her.

He is handsome right?

That son of a bitch.

If I Had my old man's shotgun...

...and that's it.

Dude, this isn't soccer right?

This is just fucking shit!

This is a shit sport, for yanquis, for faggots, for dumb people...

...for people that appreciate other sports.

-Who is winning? -That guy, that deformed dumb asshole.

Did you see that?, she is encouraging him, she is encouraging him.

I can't stand it anymore.

Relax, you are overreacting, relax.

Don't worry that I'll take care of this, go ahead drink some.

Time, time.

Now is when we need to be on our toes, on our toes with the rebounds, with the marks, and all balls to the player, to Manu. Ratatatata.

I'm glad you mentioned that, I'm sick of this useless, he always passes the ball too late.

Ok, you heard it, you can't go out anymore.

Careful guys, careful, I'll give you some refreshement, so you can continue doing it like you are.

Come on, that's for you, and you have two cause you are taller.

That's it.

Varied drink, hallucinatory, euphoriant, this product is not a medicine, consult your drug dealer.

-Is done. -What you did?

I filled those with what the Tragamelos gave me, this and that, some old stuff.

Why did he come close?

What is he doing?

I don't understand.

-What is he doing? -Don`t look -What is he, an idiot?

Let's go. You want us to leave?

Look Vane what a huge sausage.

What's wrong with you?

Let's go.

She's yours Isi.

Shameful act from the basketball team

All players expulsed from the University

Wife of professor leaves ICU

Captain says: I am not a drug addict

Ok, I'm not glad I sank his career.

But anyway, he wanted to steal my girl.

So, the fuck with him.

Anyway, the time has come.

Hi, sorry, I came to thank you for not pressing charges.

And to apologize to you on behalf of my friend.

Go fuck yourself!

No really, he didn't want to cum in your face.

-He didn't do it on purpose. -Well what if he wanted to?

Anyway, I wanted to thank you because, because you behave like a gentleman in the field the other day.

I brought you something.

You dropped something the other day when you ran.

Ah, my pen.

I'm sorry Vane, but I can not wait any longer, do I sign you to the theater group?, yes or no.

-I told you already that I can't act. -But you have an immense talent.

Yeah?, how do you know that?

I know many things of thy, fair lady, I know that thou art descendent of an aztec princess and a castillian "hidalgo".

I know that thou hat the blood of Quetzalcoatl in thy veins, I also know that thou art made of snow, gold and...

...4 seas in order to reunite with me.

Friday we will perform "La vida es sue�o" in the acting room. If thou art not coming, tell me now and I will take my live in this moment.

Ok, if you are going to be like that, I'm coming.

Is he cool?

Cool?

What you say?, he is an ass, he looks like human waste.

You see Pota here?, well, worst.

What you gonna do dude?

It's in my mind, friday, I go to the acting room, and when the show starts, I go to the stage...

and with one of those chinese jinzu knife...

I cut his head off.

Is not a bad idea, but you don't have a katana nor the balls for that.

We must think something else.

-Yeah, I have thought about that. -What?

We have been rehearsing for how long now?

Hey, my God.

-This is a good place, you can see very good from here. -Yeah the place is cool, take this Isi. Pass me a beer.

Dude, it took you so long.

Are we gonna have farts?

I tell you we are having a lot of farts.

Aerofagial, relief for flatulence and gases immediately. Consult your pharmacist.

O listen to his mournful wail!

Ah me, the deep heart-rending woe!

Ye heavens! that I may calm despair,

I seek, with thoughts distracted torn, Since doomed these cruel pangs to bear,

To know my crime in being born;

What happened?

Tho' being born I know I sin,

And justice hath sufficient cause To use her rigorous power,

Because man's greatest sin is to be born;

What is it?

That was some shit, so...

You again?

-Relax dude. -Sit man.

That we are here to fix this with a few minutes of music.

With you, ladys and gentelmanes, "Rata Muerta" (Dead Rat).

Rata Muerta, thanks.

What are you doing?

Great.

To be honest, what we did to that fart guy, I feel bad, but...

fuck him.

-I think is funny. -Funny, he is a prick.

Ay, Debo, you think all guys are pricks.

It would be cool if my girl noticed me.

But I have to settle with her fucking indifference.

At least all the ones that get close to you are.

A drug addict atlete, then the fart guy actor, and now a heavy jackass.

Yeah, only to try.

I am decided, this is all changing now.

-He wanted to kill us, he wanted to rape us, don't you remember? -Come on Debo, don't exaggerate.

-Hold me that brake. -"Hold me that brake".

Damn, she is coming, this is the chance of your life dude.

If he doesn't stop, it means he is an asshole and he is not good for you.

Well, maybe she is distracted and hasn't saw me.

Don't look at him, don't look at him, that's what men are for, he has to start it.

Hi, how are you, would you like to fuck?... No, no, would you like to go out?

Now crazy guy, go ahead, you know it

I can see in her eyes, she will send me go fuck myself, turn around, turn around, turn around.

Hey, what you are doing is incredible.

-You talking to me? -Yes, you.

It's a shame that midterms are so close.

Yeah, that's fucked up, they should be banned.

So I thought that maybe before we get to study, we could forget what has happened and get to know each other.

-Y..y..you and me? -If you don't want to.

-Yes.. yes.. yes. -Yes?, ok look,

If you are for it, here is my phone number, you call me.

By the way, I don't know your name.

Isi.

It sounds cool.

I'm waiting for my girl.

In the end, I did call her, and who knows, maybe we'll do something else.

I brought her here because it's like Disney World, they have everything.

I'm gonna do this dandy style, I'm gonna talk to her, I borrowed this very elegant jacket, and I am even using new underpants.

Now I can't take risks.

What about the bar, does it work on it's own?

Dad?, what are you doing here?, tonight is my free night.

Free night, this is no free night, go to the bar, the cockles must be bored.

Take this good man, don't use it in wine, goodbye, good luck.

Isi, that was very good!

I saw he is an alcoholised drug user, and I felt bad.

So, what do you want to do?

You want to go to the movies.

-All right, I love movies. -Yeah, me too.

Do you like an OV?

Yeah I do, to be honest I am hungry.

Where are you going Isi, the movie theater is that way.

An OV is a movie with titles undeneath.

What do you like the paella with?

With chicken.

I like it with rabbit.

I have one.

I don't like this very much, but it seems is working.

Are you liking it?

Hell yeah.

I like very much comedies, but not very much the Meg Ryan type.

You?, do you like Meg Ryan?

No, not at all, he is a disgusting guy.

She is a woman.

No, no, he seems a woman, but actually he is a shemale.

I know that because I go there a lot.

Really?, I also go a lot to the United States, my father even wanted me to go study there but...

-"In Harvard, you know?" -Ja..Jarvar.

It took me a lot of effort to make him let me come to Spain.

Isi, dude, good for you!

Eugenio told us you were at the shopping mall, and if Isi is at the shopping mall...

...he is sure to be stealing.

Really?, that's awesome!, is really fun to go stealing.

I used to go to a store with a friend, we used to go into the dressing rooms...

get naked, take 15 bras, 10 panties, then go out fast, and no one would ever say something.

But anyway, I am a cosmetic specialist.

Fuck, ok let's all go to Carrefour.

Ok, I barely know you guys.

We are here calmly having luch, right?, and we are not going anywhere, ok?

So, get out.

Let's go dear, that these people.

Man at least buy us a happymeal.

Yeah dude, they give great toys.

They aren't nice people, I have the band to help them out of drugs and delinquency.

You saw what a shit act we did.

Don't say that I think it was fun, it was very good.

Hey, I want to ride something, what do we ride?

To ride?

What about the carrousel?

-Hey, are you the one from "Fame Academy"? -"Fame Academy"

Mom my cotton candy.

For me?

So sweet, how did you know I like them?

You ate it already?, but we don't want to be fat right?

My favorite is Joaqu�n Sabina, I like it all, I like his songs, I like his poems.

He is very smart and he has a great sense of humor.

And his mexican material is very good, don't you think?

Don't tell me you don't have any of his albums.

Of course I do, I have all the discography, even the maxi-singles.

Besides, Sabina is a friend of mine.

Yeah right.

Yes, he is from Legan�s, I have drank lots of beers with him.

You drink beer with Joaqu�n Sabina?

Beer... and everything.

I have to know him... sorry, you will introduce him to me right?

Of course, if I can make it alive from this.

Know that for Sabina I am capable of anything.

Are you ok?

Yes, perfectly.

I almost forgot, my father and his girlfriend will come tomorrow from M�xico.

I have to take them out to diner.

Do you know a nice restaurant?

My father is picky with the food.

My old man too, so we always have a cook at home.

Really?, ok, that's it, then invite us diner.

-To my house? -Of course, if you have a good cook.

No, because... my house..., no, my house...

This was good, wasn't it?

I have to go, or else they will close the dorm.

Do I expect your call tomorrow? I'm sure you are gonna love my father.

And I will love yours.

Thanks a lot.

It's here.

It's good, right?

Look, just forget it, I'll tell her that today is no good, the house is on fire, or we are remodeling, my father died, or something.

Isi, come on, this is very good.

I hope someone would do something like this for me.

The owners travel a lot, I come here to clean since a few years, and I haven't met them yet.

They are the richest ones here in Legan�s.

Look, this is a Murillo.

This is the tyrolean sauna.

This is the pool, I am here tuesdays and thursdays. Anyway, sometimes I dust too.

No, this is no good, no good, Vane is not stupid, she will notice.

I better tell her the truth, I'll get her and her dad to "Hell's Bell", I'm pretty sure they will have a great time there.

Even if they are really snobs, the cockles are the shit, right?

You are screwing me up, damn, you are screwing me up.

Take it easy dude, you will succeed in this.

We must be organized, Pota, you do the shopping at Carrefour, ok?

What kinda shopping dude?

I don't know prime stuff.

Kuki, you will be the maid.

You dude need a father.

A father?

Yours won't do?

Sir, visits are here.

Thank you, you may leave Luisi.

-Isi, you look great. -Thank you.

-Let me introduce you my father, Emilio. -A pleasure.

-And his girlfrien. -Isi, you have a lovely house.

Indeed, it's nice.

So you are the famous Isi, Isi is short for...

It's Isi/Dis..., Isidro, from the main saint in this region.

-By the way, did you have a good trip? -Oh no, it was awful, no Miami stop, can you imagine?

Good night.

This is my father.

What a beautiful girlfriend you have my son.

Dad, he is funny, dad.

Pork rind, flour snacks, Pota dude, is this prime quality food?

What are you talking about man?, this is good, this is what I eat everyday.

Don't fuck with me dude, don't fuck with me.

What do we do now?.

Look dude what I found.

Dog food.

If it's good for dogs, is good for humans dude.

Thank you Luisi.

May I serve you dear?

Mmm, what are those?

-Well... -That's fine thanks, they look great.

Those are delights of... something.

Don Eugenio, what do you do for a living?

He is a businessman.

I do Chinch�n, I do Chinch�n.

Yes indeed, he does large scale distribution of Chinch�n anisette, it's a local beverage.

He also knows Sabina, right?

The one with the tits?

No dad, "Joaqui", of course he knows him, he buys directly from us since long time ago, a lot of anisette, right dad?

Eva, did you like the canap�s?

They are delicious, you see mon ch�ri.

This is what I miss the most about M�xico, imaginative cuisine.

This smells fucking great man.

I tell you dude, dogs know their shit.

Wait, wait, in order to relax the mood a bit, look.

-A big one, for me?. -No dude, to dissolve it. -And what is it?

Crestadin: Heat enhancer for female cattle. Immediate effect, consult your veterinarian.

If it's good for cows, is good for humans, right?

Kuki, go ahead and serve the second dish.

It's really good, this cook has a very good hand.

This is one of his specialities, this is a recipe from his country.

Which country?

Greek.

Greece, the one with the frogs.

-I need to congratulate the cook. -Wait, don't bother, I'll tell myself on your behalf.

Mon ch�ri, taste this, this is so good, you are going to love it mon amour.

Hey, what kinda shit dish did you cook?

Easy man, it is good, you know?

Dog Chau?, you jerks, this is my girlfriend, my father in law, her girlfriend.

Ok, Chinch�n is just drinking, she can't stop laughing, and on top of that, you gave them dog food?

Is a strong dish, vigorous, hot.

I would say suffocating.

Don Eugenio, I hope you can excuse us.

You wanna sink my life?

Isi, where are you Isi?

-Isi, your father suffered a syncope. -What? -No, take it easy, is nothing serious.

Emilia and the girl are helping him, I don't know what happened, it's like he just fell asleep.

Are you the greek?

Ah, of course, you don't understand.

Anyway, I wanted you to know that I really enjoyed your dishes.

It has made me feel, I don't know, like some hot sensation, it's too bad you can't understand me.

Because I would like you to know my little greek, how I am feeling right now.

I am hot, I am really hot.

Hot like a bitch.

If you cook this good, I don't even want to think how you do other things.

What are you doing?, no, stop it.

Are you crazy?, stop it?

This isn't happening, this is not me.

Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it.

This is nothing, it happens to him a lot, is just the stress, the Chinch�n business is really hard.

Are you sure he will be... fine?

Yes, yes, of course.

Too bad tomorrow at 6 am he goes up, more work and reunions.

This is no live, good night dad.

No greek, not in there, not in there greek.

Offspring are not able to understand the sacrifices fathers do for them.

Until it is too late.

Yes you are right.

No greek, not in there, no.

It's Eva.

Dude, it's not coming out, you made her stiff.

Pull back while I pull forward.

-Pull back. -I'm on it.

You son of a bitch, what are you doing?, let go my fianc�e.

I'm trying dude but it's stuck.

What do you mean it's stuck?, let go of her right now you asshole.

-What are you doing?, what are you doing? -Let her go, let her go. -He is hitting me man.

A thunder, just that I'm missing, getting struck by a thunder.

Let's go.

You are not getting away with this one, I swear by my sons.

Come here, hold this one.

We have a problem, those two can't pass through the main door, we need to use the garage door.

I'll tell you about it later, cause this is something.

It is a generalized contraction produced by shock, usually the sphincter relaxes, but sometimes it happens just the opposite.

Anyway, when the muscles get normal, we will proceed to the extraction of the penis of the individual.

Can someone please take it out for me?

I knew you were going to end up badly, you dirty psycho.

-Please, don't look at me right now, please. -What, are you embarrassed, or what?

No way, but I see you and I get hard, and that makes things worst.

S�nchez, take it easy, relax.

-I was thinking, since we are here, maybe we can spray some water on him. -It works with the dogs.

Do I make a living extinguishing fires?, then shut up man, shut up.

-Does someone knows the woman? -Yes, she is my fianc�e.

Ok, take it easy, please sign here.

-You let them in, without the owners knowing, right? -Look, officer this was an accident.

Anyone wants to help Chinch�n, because the greeks, they are bastards.

Vane!, Vane!

Don't you ever talk to me again, I don't want to know anything about you, you get that?

But..., fuck, fuck.

Vane, you came.

Of course I did.

I want you to forgive me for all the pain I've caused you, your father and his fianc�e.

Yes, don't worry, I know is not your fault, I can't live without you.

Only, there is something I haven't told you, I don't come from M�xico,

I come from Murcia.

I want you!

I want to fuck you!

Wh... where am I?

Where do you think?, home you sucker, now get up an get ready, we have to go buy cockles.

Yeah, I'm coming.

Later Jacinto.

Mondays I have to come sign to the police station, since I have...

7 or 8 pending trials, they don't trust me, they think I'll escape, fuck that.

My old man bailed us, me and... him.

Isi, dude.

-What?, is he ignoring you?, he doesn't let you go steal with him? -I'll hit you... -Go inside.

Sometimes..., ok everyday I come to the campus, in hopes of seeing her, sometimes I wait hours, sometimes weeks, but sometimes I see her.

Poor girl, she is really upset because that trouble with her father.

Well she is depressed.

Today you and me will dress beautifully.

-What a nice angel, do you want me to buy it for you? -No, it's ok.

I's been some time since that fatal night, but she isn't reasoning.

She is really unforgiving.

Let's go.

I don't know what to do.

Vane, you can't go on like this, your father is almost recovered, I'm sure he will soon appear some day with another woman.

-You think? -Of course.

Men have no feelings, not a single one, be either a father, a grandfather or whatever.

Yes, that's clear for me now, but I can't yet understand how he could do that to me.

Fuck, I am a son of a bitch.

Forget that cockroach already, please, look, you are not alone as you think, you have me.

-I don't know how you can stand me, with so many trouble I've caused you. -Don't be fool.

I am your best friend, kiss me, go on.

Bua, fuck that, now I understand.

Ok, shall we go to the hairdresser?

Or else we will not make it the concert.

Let's go.

End of the story, all story ends should be happy.

This one at least, ends with a kiss.

I lost my girl.

I lost my partner.

Anyway, I'll end up at the joint because of one of the pending trials.

What a fucking shit movie.

At least we will always have Legan�s.

"The End"

Is that what we have taught you, to give up, to forget your dreams?

-What else can I do master Angus? -Look for your brother and follw the signs.

And if it's necessary, fly even to fucking hell, she is worth it.

What's wrong with him?

The hell with your cheese.

What's up dude?

-Come here man. -Don't touch me with your hands.

And listen to me, AC/DC appeared to me.

-Don't fuck with me. -I fuck you.

Ok, it was just Angus, he appeared to me in the middle of the lake, besides.

His voice came from the sky, and he was talking in spanish, like the pope.

Great dude.

Look, isn't he that singer that your girl likes?

Yeah, Sabina, that's everywhere.

Of course, the signals, Sabina.

-This? -Yes, yes.

Hey, our tickets.

What now?

Now we have to talk to him.

-Where? -In my balls, how am I supposed to know?

-You think this will work. -Easy.

Assistents.

That is a traveling card.

Traveling?, where do you wanna go?, Burgos?

Assistent.

Here he comes.

Joaqu�n, dude, you've got to help me, AC/DC sent me.

AC/DC?

Yeah, see, between songs you have to say something to my girl, she is really pissed off at me.

Something you did to her, bastard.

I lied to her a little, and he fucked the girlfriend of her dad.

And my dick got stuck inside dude.

Joaqu�n, you have to help us, we have all your albums.

Fuck, we really screwed this up.

Hello, is great to be back at Legan�s.

It's clear, this is what AC/DC told me, "fly to hell", and a Sabina concert is worst than fucking hell.

-Word, but what about flying? -Is just an expression.

Look dude, when you see the steps, you have to just jump, then, when you are more or less at 200 meters above the ground, pull the cord.

How the fuck am I gonna know when I am 200 meters above the ground?

Just take a guess.

I'm sure I'll faint.

Don't worry dude, I'm coming with you, just don't you shit again.

Listen, Disi, you don't have to risk your life by jumping.

-Nah, don't worry, I have nothing better to do. -Ok, that's true.

-What is it Pota, dude, you ain't coming or what? -I'm calling Kuki, so she brings the camera, they pay good money for videos with smashes.

Playboy photographer.

But if they let me choose...

-You don't know, but when Joaqu�n sings, I just forget all my problems. -Someday I will also be your medicine.

When we are done flying above the city, you'll jump in pairs.

First Fernando and Ivan, because you are more experienced.

Then Alfonso and Carlos.

And who the hell are you?

No... nothing, we made a mistake, we thought this plane was going to Zaragoza.

Don't you come to me with that shit, here everyone jumps, ok?

I can't, I can't, I have no balls, I'm taking this off, I'm not jumping.

What do you mean you can't?, are you crazy?

That's good, you don't need a parachute, vultures can fly.

I'm gonna hit...

What are those crazy guys doing?

The parachute.

Wait for me.

-Isi, dude, where are you going? -Down, down.

Wait for me dude, I'm coming.

I'll die, I'm gonna die.

Easy, easy.

-Grab me, grab me. -No, you grab me.

Grab my feet.

Not the feet, the head.

-The cord, the cord. -What?

-What cord? -Which one do you think?

Ah, this one, ok.

Isi, dude, did you shit this time?

No way, that singer is the one that will shit himself.

Look dude, "Hell's Bell", it looks little.

Yeah, a tiny bell.

The dome.

-Let's go there. -To where do I turn. -Right.

-Look Pota, there. -Yeah, look, here they come.

There he is, Sabina.

Stop, stop.

That's love, that's love.

Fuck.

The parachute, dude.

I am sorry to bother you Joaqu�n.

It's about my girl, did you say something already?

Fuck that, we almost died.

You want some cheese?

I have a surprise, I have this friend that has done lots of stupid things...

but his girl left him, and he is pretty stubborn, killing himself all fucking day long, but he has done all that for love, word of drunk.

Yes, you Vanesa.

Joaqu�n is talking about me.

My friend and I, will sing you a song, the girl in the fourth row.

This is going well.

Her cat flaps are doing like this.

Isi, Isi, this is so romantic this is great.

Great?, great if they had fallen in Sabina, we are getting nothing with this video.

You have no sensitiveness.

Ok, this is getting boring, don't you think?, some action is needed.

If Sabina really wants to be cool, he has to do it for real.

Let's go, "Rata Muerta" (Dead Rat).

More, more, more...

-Ok Vanesa, you decide. -I'm going up.

You did all this for me?

I will never forget you.

Bye.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, this is what I was waiting for my whole life.

-You are the beautifulest fourth row girl that I have ever seen. -Thanks.

Cheese?

We almost died

Great!

As I said at the begining, Legan�s is a dorm city,

so you only have two choices,

do nothing, or make your dreams come true,

my old man chosed the second option.

"Go to Eugenio's bar, that he has the best cockles in Legan�s.

-We have to celebrate this. -Cockles are on the house for everyone.

Go buy him an album, maybe he will dedicate it for you.

So I was thinking that maybe you need a bass player for a band.

Kuki also made her dreams come true, her wet dreams with Mono Burgos.

Pota, since he was expulsed from aviation, got to work in the pharmaceutical industry full time.

-Number one rule, don't sell any medicine without a prescription. -"Don't sell any medicine without a prescription."

Disi continued being a rebel, a fighter...

...fighting, sometimes against authority... ...and sometimes against globalization.

Me, since I was disappointed at women...

...started doing abstinent life, like a monk.

Any of you said monk?

Who is there?

Dude, Isi.

Cheese.

I can't...

We are in heaven.

Don't fuck with me dude, we are in Legan�s.

Don't worry, we'll get soon to the hospital.

What she thinks?, that she can put her ass in my mouth?

We are gonna get high.

Great!