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Welcome to act two of...

...Blood Soaked.

The biggest, bloodiest movie review podcast

in the history of the world, as usual I'm Vampire Greg.

And I'm Steve Strange.

And we're just gonna jump right in

with our review of the movie The Blackest Moon.

Really? No, no, small talk?

No, "How was your weekend, Greg?"

Uh, no, if you watched this movie,

then I know how your weekend was.

Well, let's just say that, uh,

let's just say that The Blackest Moon might be one

of the worstest movies I have ever seen.

Ooh, ouch. The worstest?

Look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

but this movie, straight up dog shit.

Okay, all right. Come on, Greg.

I think I actually prefer dog shit.

No, you know what, Steve? You know what?

You're right. Well, I take that back. That's fair,

because I stepped in dog shit yesterday,

and I actually did prefer that.

Bro, you know what I'm saying?

All right.

Who wrote this monstrosity, anyway?

Let me take a, lemme take a peek here.

I got, uh, um, Adam, Adam Lewis.

Adam Lewis, looks like.

Mm, Adam Lewis, okay.

Well, Mr. Lewis, if you are listening

to this podcast, I have some advice for you.

And what is that, Steve?

Just kill yourself.

Fucking piece of shit, assholes!

- What's going on? - Nothing.

Just these fucking podcast morons.

Babe, why do you listen to that stuff?

You know, it's meaningless, right?

I don't know.

Maybe in the hopes that someone somewhere

will say something fucking nice.

Who cares?

I mean, they've never written a script before.

They don't even know the first thing about it.

Okay. Then why do you care?

I, I don't.

Seems like you do.

Let's forget it. Okay?

Look, just come sit next to me.

I'll tell you nice things.

Lemme just finish listening to this first, okay?

Okay.

You're crazy.

Terrible.

The fact that he's writing

horror movies, I, I wish there was a horror movie

about how horrible horror movies can be.

It's just maddening. You know?

The level of unchecked, uninformed criticism

that goes on in this world.

I mean, I'm just trying to contribute, you know?

Entertain people, make them think.

What I get in return?

You know, I get, I get fucking torn apart.

We're still talking about this, huh?

Yeah, well, yeah.

You only focus on the negative. Okay?

Plenty of people love what you do.

- Really? - Yeah.

- You think so? - Yeah.

Yeah, mm, no, no.

I'm not sure anyone loves anything anymore.

You know, when I was a kid, I loved everything. Everything.

I was just so grateful that all this stuff existed.

That there were these like magical creative people out

there in the world making TV or movies or whatever, you know?

My first instinct, it wasn't just

to shit all over something.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, no, I know, I just,

you know, you're, you're not a kid anymore, okay?

And honestly, you can be pretty critical yourself.

Whoa. Okay.

That's totally different

'cause my opinion comes from an informed place.

- Oh, okay, well, - Mm-hmm.

I don't know, maybe the people

with something positive to say don't feel

the need to broadcast it.

You know, it's, it's the culture.

The negative rises to the top, gets the clicks,

- blah, blah, blah, whatever. - Yeah, I know, I know.

Okay, well, you can't get sucked into it.

I know, but don't you think it's fucked up? What they...

You get to write for a living.

You, you get paid to make up scary stories. Paid real money.

Do you know how rare that is?

I mean, who cares if you never win an Academy Award?

I mean, just do what you do and try to be happy.

What do you mean, who cares

if I don't win an Academy Award?

You don't think I'm good enough to win an Academy Award?

Okay.

No, come on, that, mm, that's not what I meant.

You, I meant, look, don't,

don't twist this on me, okay, please?

No, no, no, no. I think I do know what you meant.

I think you meant exactly what you said.

Adam, come on, you're just trying to fight with me.

No, no, no, no. I don't, I don't wanna fight, you know?

It's just, you know, maybe I do care

if I win an Academy Award.

Maybe it matters to me that I'm great.

- You are great. - Okay.

You are, and I love you, and I want the best for you.

And I think I've proven to you over all these years

that I am your biggest supporter, haven't I?

Yeah. Yeah, you have. You're right.

And I'm sorry.

I, I'm just really stressed right now.

Baby, you can't control what people think. Okay?

So if there's no joy in it, what's the point?

Haven't you ever heard of suffering for your art?

Yeah, but you're not suffering.

You're successful.

And any one of those idiots would trade places

with you in a heartbeat.

- Don't you see that? - Yeah, I'm not sure.

- Can we go to sleep, please? - Uh, I don't know.

Please?

- Sleep? - Mm.

I don't think I can sleep right now. Okay?

I think I'm gonna stay up and try to write a little bit.

Okay? Who knows?

Maybe the universe will graciously grant me

some brilliant idea and get me outta this funk.

Okay, well, suit yourself. You suffer,

I'll sleep.

Ooh.

Oh.

Baby.

- Adam, help! - Kate.

- Help! - Kate!

I'm telling you, this was the most visceral dream

I've ever experienced.

I mean, even now, I'm not even totally convinced

that that thing didn't even really happen.

Well, I think I can tell you with certainty

that it didn't, I'm alive.

Okay, well, obviously you didn't get chopped

to bits by some giant-sized baby man.

But I'm just saying, it felt like more

than just, you know, a nightmare.

Felt like, I don't know. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know either.

This, this was one of those out-of-body experiences

that people talk about.

But not really 'cause I think in those,

you feel like you're, you know, watching it.

You know? I was living this.

Oh, I was definitely living it.

Maybe it's the universe.

- What do you mean? - Last night you told me

maybe the universe would deliver you an idea.

Well, maybe this is it. See, I listen when you talk.

Yeah, no, mm, nah, nah, nah. I don't know, I don't know.

I mean, I'm not exactly sure what I would do

with what, like a slasher flick?

- Yeah. - Gross.

I'm not interested in that.

Why? I, I, I mean, you watch them

all the time, right?

And you could elevate it. You could make it your own.

- I could definitely do that. - Mm-hmm.

- I could totally do that. - Mm-hmm.

I mean, it, it, it is a cool character,

design-wise, at least.

And, you know, I've always thought that creating

some kind of a franchise property,

I thought that that would be a good idea.

I mean, the merchandising alone, that could be big,

but it's gotta be smart.

- You know what I mean? - Look, you're excited.

This is good. This is really good.

- Yeah, this is good. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - This is, this is,

this is definitely good.

Okay, well, ten pages minimum.

I believe in you.

All right.

I gotta get the fuck outta here because some of us work

for a living, we don't drink all night.

Oh, don't drink all, okay, you watch, you watch, babe.

I'm gonna have the whole script done

by the time you come back.

Ha-ha-ha-ha. Fuck yeah.

Okay, look, I'm not saying this thing I saw

in my dream actually cut a hole in the bedding,

I'm just saying, it's pretty fucking strange there's a hole

in the bedding exactly where he swung a fucking ax.

I mean, it's not that strange.

- It's not? - I'm sure the hole

was already there, and the dream just freaked you out enough

that you're putting the two things together.

It's a coincidence.

- Yeah. - Was there blood?

- No. - Is Kate still alive?

Yeah. Obviously she's alive.

I mean, there's a rip in your blanket.

What do you want me to say? Buy a new fucking blanket.

I'm excited you have a new idea.

It sounds kind of cool, Baby Man!

Ah, fuck off.

Bro, this like baby guy killer thing

is scary shit.

You just gotta get to work, man. Get to fucking work.

Stop hanging out with me,

I'm like the single worst influence

in productivity there is.

This is very true, very true.

All right, uh, yeah. I guess I'm gonna hit the bathroom,

and then I should probably get going.

My goal was ten pages today,

and I'm sitting at exactly zero so far.

Hey, man, zero pages have been my average

for the last year and a half.

Go, get the fuck outta here.

- Go! - All right.

I'll see ya.

Jesus Christ.

Shit.

Let go! No!

- How you doing? - Hey, uh, yeah, I'm good.

Can I get a coffee to go, please?

- Sure, all right, - Large.

- it's gonna be 4.25, man. - All right.

Cool. It's gonna be at the end of the bar.

Thank you.

No, not by any, not by, are you kidding?

Not by any stretch of the imagination.

- Dude. - Here you go.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's kind of, okay.

No, but Jordan Peele?

Seriously, can we agree, total hack. Right?

Perhaps the biggest hack of the 21st century

uh, horror filmmaking period.

- You know? - Well, I don't know

- if I'd go that far, - Okay.

but I will say this,

- Nope is not a horror-- - Hey, guys.

Ah, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I couldn't help

but overhear your conversation.

I mean, you guys,

you sound like real movie experts.

Well, mainly horror films, that's, ah,

that's kind of our, our wheelhouse

for the most part.

- Are you serious, horror? - Yeah.

Are you, you a fan or?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am, I'm a big fan.

I mean, I probably don't know as much

as you guys do, though.

I mean, I'm no expert or anything.

Well, actually, we, we have a podcast called Blood Soaked.

We review horror films. You could learn a lot.

Um, you heard of us, or?

I don't think so, but it does sound familiar.

Really? I mean, we're streaming on,

I think we're on all platforms now, right?

And we got the YouTube channel, of course.

- Mm-hmm. - That's huge, you know.

- Are you ser, YouTube? - Yeah.

That is so cool. Okay, I'll definitely check that out.

Hey, you guys, you, you wanna know

what my favorite horror movie is?

Oh, let me guess, let me guess. Ah, Scream or--

No.

No, no, no, no. It's not Scream, okay?

It's, it's kind of a, a more recent one.

You, you guys probably have never even seen it.

It's called The Blackest Moon.

- Oh, no, no. - No.

- You did not just say that. - No, what?

- Oh my God. - What?

Ah, it's just, um, it's honestly just a piece of shit.

Like we, so, okay, so we, we actually did a review

- of that in the most recent... - Uh-huh.

- ...episode of the podcast. - Okay.

Yeah, it's dog shit, but look, hey,

but if you like it, dude, that's cool.

But this is the thing though. This is what's up.

I didn't just like it, no, I actually wrote it.

What do, you, you wrote it?

Yeah, I'm the guy you said should go kill himself

if he ever considered writing another script.

Listen, it, it's all in good fun, man,

but, um, if you can't handle a joke,

then maybe you shouldn't be doing what you do.

Oh, or maybe you didn't actually,

you know, understand the movie?

Huh? You ever think about that?

Maybe if you had paid closer attention to the story,

you could have appreciated some of the, you know,

some of the subtext, some of the deeper concepts.

Yeah, um, I don't know about all that, man,

but, um, it was just fucking boring.

Wow, okay. All right, cool.

Well, you, you know, you're probably right.

It, it, uh, sorry, I'm just probably being

too sensitive about the whole thing.

You were probably right about the script.

- It's, it's not that good. - Yeah, man.

It just wasn't, but, um,

yeah, no, um, no hard feelings.

Yeah, for sure. Okay, cool.

Well, I gotta get going. It was really nice meeting you.

Okay, see ya.

Oh, one more thing.

Fuck you.

What the fuck?

- Fuck you too. - Hey, what the?

Hey, grab that guy!

So anything exciting happen today?

Ah, nah, not really.

You?

Uh, hey, babe, where'd this blanket come from?

Oh, yeah, that.

Ah, I bought that today, kind of on a whim.

You know, thought it might be nice

to spruce up the place.

It's bright.

Oh, she doesn't like it.

Sorry.

Okay. So what else?

How'd writing go?

Good, good, yeah.

You know, I didn't get much done, but I got a title.

A title? That's it?

Hey, come on. You know, it's a process.

Okay, well, what's the title?

Big Baby.

- Really? - Yeah, what?

Nothing, I just didn't realize

you were writing an autobiography.

You are hilarious.

I know. I am very funny and cute.

- You're very lucky. - Yes.

- Yes. - This is all true.

Wanna get drunk?

Yes.

- You drank a lot. - Thank you.

There you go.

Do you ever like just think about

like how incredibly bizarre everything is?

- What do you mean? - Ah.

Uh, I mean, okay, so like, like human beings.

Like do you, do you ever think about

how fucking weird we are?

I think about how weird you are all the time.

Yeah, back at ya. But no, I'm serious.

Like, like the lengths

we go to just like amuse ourselves.

Like have you ever thought about the enormous monetary,

technical, engineering prowess

that goes into building a roller coaster?

- Did you just say prowess? - It's a word.

Yeah, I know it's a word.

I just never heard you use it before.

Uh, okay, I'm serious.

Like all of that effort. Right?

Just so we can go, ah, for like two minutes.

Not a fan of roller coasters

Or like, okay, movies, right?

- Mm-hmm. - Okay, so, so think about

- what you do, right? - Okay.

So you're making up these people

or monsters or whatever.

And then adults pay other adults like a fuck load of money

to pretend to be these pretend people.

And then other people film it, and then other people come

and they wanna watch it, and it's really fucking weird.

Why is that weird?

Uh, uh, I don't know.

I mean, eh, eh, other animals

don't do shit like that, right?

Yeah, no, I, I don't think cats have developed

the technology to build roller coasters yet.

- M-maybe one... - No.

- Okay, monkeys right? - Uh-huh.

Do, do, do they put on little monkey plays

and tell monkey jokes to the other monkeys?

I don't know. Ah, maybe, yeah, probably.

- They probably do. - Oh, okay.

Yeah?

Okay, look, you're serious about this. Okay.

Um, I can't speak for monkeys,

but I think that we inherently as human beings,

we have this need to tell and to hear stories.

And I mean, it's not a modern thing.

It's been going on since the, the cave days.

I know, but why?

I don't know.

Maybe it keeps us from disappearing. You know?

Maybe we have this like energy of thought that just needs

to be released and received by others.

And if it stays locked away and has nowhere to go,

then maybe bad things can happen.

Or maybe nothing at all can happen. I don't know.

Or maybe we actually have the power to control reality

through our creative thoughts.

- What? - I don't know, Jesus Christ.

I'm doing the fucking best I can.

I'm fucking drunk, girl.

Oh my God.

What?

I have a really good monkey joke.

Oh, okay.

- You ready? - I don't know.

How did the monkey get down the stairs so fast?

I don't know. How did the monkey get downstairs so fast?

He slid down the bananaster.

That is so stupid.

- That's good. - Oh, yeah.

- That's a good one. - I know.

It was good. You'd kill it in the jungle.

Thank you.

- I'm really funny. - Yeah.

You can't say you're funny. Okay?

Someone else has to say you're funny, you can't--

- But I am funny. - Okay, sure, you're funny, babe.

I didn't wanna swim.

I was afraid. I told them I was afraid.

They surrounded me and taunted me.

They laughed and screamed...

..."Baby, baby, you are a big baby."

Over and over, I cried,

but they wouldn't stop until finally someone pushed me.

Pushed me into the pool.

I sunk to the bottom. As I tried to scream,

water filled my mouth and my lungs.

Everything went dark and cold.

By the time they pulled me out, my brain was half gone.

I'd never be the same.

But I grew strong,

strong enough to hurt.

Strong enough to kill.

Kill them all.

- This is cool. - Yeah?

Yeah, I like it. I really do.

Okay.

I mean, you know, it's barely a rough first act.

And, ah, there's a lot of stuff to tighten up.

Some of the stuff with the flashback,

I don't know, it, it might be a bit--

No, no, babe. It, it's good,

- But? - Nothing.

What?

No, nothing, I just, okay,

okay, I was just, I was just wondering, you know,

is getting pushed in a pool enough

to make someone become a killer?

He doesn't just get pushed in a pool.

Is that all

you got out of that?

He gets relentlessly tormented.

And as a result of almost drowning,

he has brain damage.

I think that's plenty of trauma to send someone over the edge.

Didn't you absorb any of that information?

Uh, okay, I'm sorry.

I won't, I won't offer an opinion next time.

It's not about an opinion,

it's about understanding the story.

Well, I guess I'm not smart enough

- to understand the story. - That is not,

that is not what I'm saying.

What I'm saying is, okay, okay, okay.

I'm trying to create conflict for the audience. Right?

Like at what point is revenge justified?

I mean, can we root for a murderer?

Is that okay under any circumst...

You know what?

Just, just, just forget it.

Just forget the whole thing. Just...

What is going on with you?

Okay, you're freaking the fuck out.

What? Nothing, okay?

I didn't get much sleep 'cause I was up all night

writing this apparent piece of shit.

I never said it was a piece of shit.

Yeah, well, didn't say it wasn't.

Okay. Can, can we do something else?

Yeah, like what?

I don't know. Not argue.

Okay. Okay.

Sure, fine.

It, it's a good note. I'll take it into consideration.

All right, I should probably keep going,

you know, get a few more pages in.

Yeah, I think you should.

Hey, you gotta relax.

Yeah. You know, if I can maybe just be alone.

Look, it's just hard

to concentrate, okay.

Well, you're no fun.

It's fine. I got shit to do anyway.

Oh, um, in regards to your question

is revenge ever justified?

Um, it was the great Muhammad Ali who said,

"You kill my dog, you better hide your cat."

Wait, what? What is happening right now?

You're quoting Muhammad Ali.

- What? - Uh, Okay.

What's your point?

Well, I'm just saying sure, revenge can be justified, but,

but does the retribution match the original crime?

I mean, he didn't say, "You kill my dog,

you better hide your grandmother."

Well, well, you've never met my grandmother.

But, okay, sorry, ah.

But, but who gets to decide what level

of retribution is appropriate then?

Um,

well, I guess in this case, you do. Right?

I mean, it's your story.

I'll see you tonight.

Interior, novelty shop, night.

He walks the aisles uninterested

in the various props, books and toys on display.

His hulking stature and dead-eye gaze

make the other customers avoid his path.

Eventually, he makes his way

to a wall of rubber Halloween masks,

until finally finding focus

on a contorted crying baby face.

He stares as echoes of

"Baby, baby, you're a big baby,"

ring out in his head.

The chant repeats and rises in volume only to be broken

by the clerk from behind the counter.

Can I get you something?

Without breaking focus from the mask,

he slowly lifts his arm and points.

That one.

Mm.

Mm.

Shit! Don't, ah, oh!

Holy shit.

Oh, my God, baby. Are you okay?

- I'm so sorry. - What the fuck, Kate?

Jesus Christ. You scared the shit outta me.

I'm sorry.

- Sorry. - No, don't touch.

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, my God.

What the fuck, what is that?

A baby mask.

I was getting coffee with Patrice and Magnolia,

and I saw that, you know, that costume shop and, um,

and I saw this and it made me think about you.

I thought you could use it for some inspiration.

Fuck. Jesus Christ.

Are you okay?

I'm not okay. Okay?

You know, I got a lot of stuff going on in my head

- and I wasn't expecting that. - Um, yeah.

That's the point of scaring you.

Yeah, I got it, I got it.

You got me. You got me good.

- What? - Uh, nothing.

It's, it's just, it is just so strange

'cause I was, uh, I actually wrote a scene today

where Big Baby buys his mask at a costume shop,

and then here you are buying a mask

at a costume shop the same day.

And my brain just kind of, you know.

What?

Just, what, what are you doing?

You figured it out, didn't you?

I'm Big Baby.

Oh, for fuck sake.

Would you, can you stop?

Mm-mm.

Let me see this thing.

Kind of looks like you.

I think you're right. It's a spitting image.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I know.

- That looks like me. - Almost exactly.

Yeah, thanks, you.

- Come here Big Baby, mm. - Yeah.

We don't have any beer, do we?

I don't know, babe. You're the one looking.

Yeah. It looks like we don't.

Well, if we're gonna have empanadas,

we need beer, right?

- That is the law. - That is the law.

Okay. All right, I'll run to the store and grab some.

- You need anything else? - Um, no, I'm good, thanks.

- How we doing? - How you doing?

Good, good, good, good.

- What can I get you? - Pack of reds.

Pull a pack of reds.

You know, ah, those things would kill you.

Thanks, Dad.

So weird.

I...

You're supposed to be working on this.

Hey, what, what took you so long? I was worried.

What's wrong?

Uh, where's the beer?

Adam.

Adam, what the fuck?

He's real.

- Who? - He's real.

Who's real?

Big Baby.

Uh, Adam, what are you talking about?

I saw him. I saw him.

Adam.

I saw him, I saw him,

I saw him kill a girl.

Okay, babe, babe, take a deep breath. Okay?

- And just, just-- - Kate, I saw Big Baby

brutally kill a girl tonight.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, I, I get it.

This is, this is payback for the mask, right?

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not joking, I'm not joking.

I was at the, the convenience store

and I saw this girl, a young girl.

She was buying cigarettes and something told me,

I don't know what, but something,

something told me to follow her.

Uh, s-so you're, you're following

- young girls at night now? - Kate, would you

just listen to me?

I followed her.

She went down an alley, but I stopped.

I didn't follow her down the alley.

I stopped and I watched and I watched,

and out from the shadows Big Baby, he appeared

and he hit her with an ax.

She fell, and then he, he chopped her,

and he chopped her into bits.

It, it was, it was, it was, it was fucking horrible.

I don't, I don't know what's happening right...

I know you think I'm crazy, but I'm not.

How about this?

Um, why don't you take me to the alley and you show me?

No, no way. No.

Listen, I don't know what to believe right now. Okay?

So if you could just show me something,

then maybe I could understand.

I think that's reasonable. Right?

Right?

Okay.

Okay.

All right. This is it.

I don't see anything.

- Should we go take a look? - No, no, I don't think so.

Adam, if someone's hurt,

then we have to help them. Right?

Kate, she's not hurt, she's dead.

Look, I think this is my fault.

I think somehow I made this happen.

I think, I think writing about this, it made it happen.

- It's be... - Adam, Adam, okay.

Seriously, baby, you didn't manifest this. Okay?

Babe, babe, I think you're tired,

and I think you're really stressed.

And I think you did see something.

I just think it's not what you thought you saw. Okay?

So let's just, go see if there's anything down there,

No, Kate. Kate, don't.

- Come on. - Kate.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I still don't see anything.

It definitely happened around here.

There's nothing here, babe.

Uh, I don't get it.

Maybe he moved the body.

Yeah, yeah, maybe.

I mean, wouldn't there be blood everywhere?

I mean, if what you said happened, happened.

It happened. Okay?

Okay.

Look, there, there's, there's, there's no body,

there's no blood, I, I mean, if the police were called,

this whole alley would be a crime scene, right?

Okay, Kate, I get it. I'm fucking crazy.

Okay? Let's go.

Uh, you can't seriously be mad at me. Hey, stop.

Look at me.

You need to pause on the script thing, okay?

Just for a little bit, because I...

Look, I don't know what's going on with you,

but it's not good, right?

It's not.

Maybe you're right.

Come on, let's go.

This is gonna be good, babe.

You know, having James and Patrice over.

Now I know he was excited

when he got the invite.

I'm proud of you.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Why's that?

I don't know, I just, I know how hard it was for you

to put your work aside and I just,

I wanted to tell you I appreciate it.

Yeah, of course, right.

Also, I think that you were right.

I wasn't exactly at my best.

Well, you definitely seem happier

the past few weeks, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Oh, boy, here they are.

Trouble, trouble, trouble.

- Hey! - Hi!

- We brought wine! - Woo!

I hear something.

- It's all my fault. - Oh, man.

- Yeah. - Kate, did Adam tell you

we were writing partners for a while back in college?

- Mm, yes, I know. - Yes.

But we weren't that successful, unfortunately.

- Shocking. - Mm.

Oh, zip it. She knows I'm a genius.

- She's just jealous. - You are a genius, honey,

- in your own way. - And I beg to differ.

We were successful.

Did he ever tell you that we wrote Zombieland

like ten years before it ever existed?

- Okay, what? - Oh my God.

We did not write Zombieland, James.

- We did. - No, we didn't.

We wrote a script called Zombieland,

which those are two very different things.

I don't know if that's true.

How have you

- never told me this story? - Luck.

Ah, well, well the major difference was our idea

was actually way better.

Well, yeah. How could it not be, right?

- Mm, don't encourage him. - Thank you.

- The Zombieland pitch. - Oh.

It was, yeah, it was great.

It was Easy Rider meets...

...Night of the Living Dead.

- Yes. - Yeah, two bikers

set out to discover...

...America...

- and themselves. - Mm-hmm.

Blah, blah, blah. They find a zombie apocalypse.

You know, babe, it's not bad.

- Right? - Stop.

- It's not. - No.

Listen to her.

Adam, if you wanna take another pass at it,

we could get the band back together.

Mm.

We'd have to change the title, but it'd be fun.

No, it would not be fun.

- I'm okay. - All right, fine.

Then how about you let me partner with you

on this baby man killer thing you got going?

What?

Oh, um, nothing. Nothing.

It's just, ah, nothing.

It's just, I don't know, um,

kind of reconsidering the whole idea.

Really? I thought it was badass.

I loved it. Babe, did I tell you about this?

He's just, um, he's taking a break.

Um, just, just for a while, right?

Okay. Everything all right?

Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine.

I'm just, I don't know, stepping away for a minute.

It's no big deal.

It's just things have been kind of a little, little weird.

Yeah.

What? More ax holes in the blanket?

- What? - Nothing.

Hey, can we all just, you know,

change the subject for a minute?

Hey, thanks for coming.

- Thank you. - Thanks.

Oh.

Ah, yeah.

Sorry, buddy.

What?

Nothing.

Okay, yeah. So the stupid blanket thing.

I bought the new blanket because the old blanket

had a rip in it, and the rip was in the exact same spot

that Big Baby, you know, in my dream,

hacked at you with an ax.

And I just got freaked out that it was somehow related,

but it was actually James who convinced me

that I was just being crazy.

And I was embarrassed about the whole thing.

So, I don't know. I just hid the blanket

and I didn't say anything about it.

- Okay. - But of course,

now with everything else that's happened since then,

I have no fucking idea what to think.

Well, I think we are in the same place as before.

Okay? You need to put all this aside,

and you need to get yourself straight

and we'll be fine, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Okay.

Let's go to bed.

She doesn't want you to succeed.

She enjoys your failures.

Don't be fooled by her kindness.

She's in your way, in our way.

Don't hurt her.

You have to promise me you won't hurt Kate.

Ah. No promises.

Just get back to work

and kill everyone who hurt me.

Make them suffer.

And maybe I'll leave her alone.

Okay, I will.

I'll kill them all. I'll make them suffer.

Kate?

Oh, fuck.

Kate.

Mm.

Kate.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck. Fuck.

Pick up, pick up.

Hey, it's Kate. Leave a message.

Kate,

what are you doing?

Okay, what are you doing? What are we doing here?

What are we doing? Is this really necessary?

I mean, you know, I thought,

I thought we were in a good place, right?

Okay? Can you just please just call me back?

Okay? Just, just let me know where you are, okay?

Okay, I love you.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

Ah, can I help you?

Um, what...

Can I come in?

I'm sorry, what? Who are you?

I need to talk to you.

I'm sorry, I, I have no idea who you are. Okay?

What's, what's going on and why,

why, why are you dressed like that?

- Can I come in? - No, no.

You, no, no. You can't come in.

I mean, if you have something you need to say,

you need to say it here, okay?

It's too important. Please?

Okay, ah, yeah. Okay, fine, whatever.

Yeah, sure. Come in.

Okay, what? What is it?

I need you to save me.

Is this a joke?

No.

I'm Amanda, remember?

The one who pushed him in the pool?

Uh, wait, wait a second. What, what, who?

Amanda, from your script.

- You know who I am. - Wait a second.

Wait, wait, wait. How did you even know?

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I get it. This is a fucking prank, right?

Is that what this is? Did Kate put you up to this?

- Is that what this is? - No.

You have to take me out of the story.

If you don't, he'll, he'll find me and he'll kill me.

He'll kill us all, but we don't deserve it.

I don't deserve it.

I was just a kid.

I didn't know any better.

Okay.

This, great.

Beautiful performance. Thank you for that.

You done?

Oh, um, wh-whoa, whoa, okay.

Look, don't, you can't, do you...

Come on, lady.

You, you gotta go. Let's go.

Oh!

Jesus! Jesus!

Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate, where are you?

Kate?

Finish the story or she dies.

No.

You're not real.

Is this real?

Who's the Big Baby now?

- Hello? - Kate, Kate, Kate,

Kate, where are you? Where are you?

Hey, when, when you called earlier,

how, how did he get your phone?

Did he hurt you?

What? But, Adam, it's okay, stop it.

I, I didn't call you. Didn't you get my note?

You're, you're note? What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got your note,

but that's a whole other, Kate, Kate, listen to me.

Listen to me. Where are you?

Okay, you're in danger.

Um, uh, I just,

I don't know if I wanna tell you where I am, okay?

- Kate. - You're really scaring me.

Kate, no, no, no, no, no! Listen, listen to me!

You are in danger!

He told me that if I don't finish this script,

you, you'll die, okay?

He'll kill you. Big baby.

Kate, did you hear me?

- I gotta go. - No, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Please, please, please, please, please,

just listen to me, okay?

Listen to me.

I need to see you, but also need to write. Okay?

I need to write, and I just need to finish this

so you, so we, we can all be okay.

Okay? I'm just, I just, I just don't know what else to do.

I need to write it and I need to finish this

so everything can go back to normal.

Okay, Kate? Kate?

No, you gotta believe me, Kate. I'm not crazy.

I'm not fucking crazy, Kate.

- I'm sorry, I can't. - Kate.

Kate.

Kate.

Kenny, mid-thirties,

and Julia, mid-thirties, exit the bar.

- Slow down. - Catch up.

And stumble across the parking lot

- towards their car. - Fuck.

Can't believe I gotta work in four hours.

Well, you could always get fired again.

Are you sure you're okay to drive?

Yeah, I'm fine. Who's gonna drive, you?

I don't think so.

What the fuck?

- Shit was unlocked all night. - Uh.

Come on. Jesus.

- What's wrong? - Won't start.

Jesus, Julia, you left the fucking light on.

- You drained the battery. - No, I didn't.

Yeah, you did.

You were doing your fucking makeup in the goddamn mirror

and you didn't turn the light off.

- Now we're fucked! - Calm down.

Just get someone to jump us.

Oh, gee, thanks.

Is that what I should fucking do? Fuck!

Jesus.

- So dramatic. - Fucking wise ass.

Oh, come on.

Julia, what'd you do with the jumpers? Fuck.

Dammit, Julia.

Hey, man.

You, ah, think you'd gimme a jump? Car's dead.

Ah.

Cool, man. Cool.

You gotta be fucking kidding me. Fucking cock.

Yeah, you go home to your 17 kids. Fucker.

Goddammit. You gotta be...

You won't even fucking believe this.

Fucking asshole.

I ask him for a jump and he just drives off.

Hope he dies in a crash on the way home.

Call roadside. My phone's dead.

Hey, what are you asleep or something?

Oh, fuck.

Oh, what the fuck?

Fuck! You fucking, what did you do to my...

Julia, your fucking head is in my...

Who the fuck are you? What the fuck?

Am I a terrible person?

I mean, ah, am I a terrible person

for leaving him alone like that?

Hey, you need to do what is right for you.

What makes you feel safe.

Yeah. No, I, I, I know.

I just, um, you didn't hear him.

He sounded so lost on the phone,

and, um, honestly, I'm just,

I'm really scared.

I don't think you need to be scared of Adam.

Don't tell her how she should feel.

I'm not telling her how to feel.

I'm just saying, it's Adam.

You know? Our Adam.

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

It's just, um, it's, it's also our Adam

that's just completely convinced

this Big Baby character's actually real.

I get it, but Adam would never do anything to hurt you.

That guy would kill for you, Kate.

What?

Yeah.

Dear God, I'm going to bed now,

and I wanna say thank you for taking care of me.

I also wanna ask if you could please help guide

Mr. Tinkles back home to me.

I know it's been over a month,

but I'm sure he's still out there.

Even though everyone says

he probably got eaten by a coyote.

Oh, also another season of Battlestar Galactica

would be a real blessing in my life.

Okay, well, thank you, God.

Goodnight. Amen.

Mm.

Mm.

Mr. Tinkles?

Huh, good.

This is really...

You want them dead, I'll make 'em all dead.

I'll make them dead, if that makes you

feel good about that.

- This was fun. - Yeah, it was.

We should do it again sometime, maybe, if you want.

Yeah, that would be great.

- Yeah. - Ah, it's just, it's,

I, I wasn't sure, you know,

it's hard to tell sometimes.

Do you wanna come in?

Like now?

Uh, uh, yeah, never mind.

I, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry.

Could we just pretend I didn't say that? Uh, yeah.

No, no, I, I would, I, it's just,

it's late and I have an early morning.

Oh, yeah, it's fine.

No, I'll, I'll come in.

You know, you know, it, you're right.

I, I didn't realize it was that late.

Ah.

Okay.

Uh.

Um, well...

Uh.

Um.

I will call you.

- Okay? - Okay, goodnight.

Goodnight.

- You're alive. - I'm alive.

So how'd it go?

It went good. We had fun.

He's cute.

Mm, but what?

But nothing.

I mean, I invited him in and he said, "No."

He said, "No?"

Well, yeah, he said he had to get up early.

- Hmm, that's weird. - Is it?

He doesn't wanna get laid?

Who said he was gonna get laid?

Mm-hmm.

I mean, I don't know.

Maybe I'm reading into it.

He did say that he would call me.

Fuck him, whatever.

If he calls, he calls.

- What the fuck? - What?

His car is, is still in my driveway.

- What do you mean? - What do you mean,

what do I mean? His car is still parked in my driveway.

Maybe he changed his mind.

Or maybe he wants to murder me.

Ah. He's not coming in.

I don't see him.

- Are you sure it's his car? - Yes, I'm sure it's his car.

You know what?

I'm just gonna go out there. I'll call you back, okay?

No, maybe just text him.

What the fuck?

What's going on over there?

Nothing. I mean, I went outside and I looked in his car

and no one's there.

Well, it must not be his car.

Just do me a favor, stay inside.

Just in case he's pulling some weird shit.

No, it was for sure

his car, just no him.

Well, all the more reason to stay inside.

Oh, never mind, that's him.

He's knocking. I'll call you back, okay?

No, Nikki, don't.

No, no, no!

No, no, no! God!

No, no!

Come on, open up.

I can hear you breathing.

Hey, buddy.

How you doing?

- What are you doing here? - Nothing.

Just checking on you. Are you okay?

That's a nasty cut you got.

Oh, ah, yeah, yeah.

No, I'm, um, I'm fine.

I'm just, ah, you know, working.

Do you mind if I come in?

Yeah. It's not really a good time.

Yeah, I, ah, okay. I just, I'm just worried about you.

You know? You don't seem like, you don't seem like yourself.

No one gets

what's going on here.

All right, Kate thinks I'm nuts,

but I'm only trying to protect her.

I'm just trying to protect her.

She's in real danger.

Yeah, she's worried too.

You talked to her?

Why don't you just let me in for a minute

and you can tell me about what's going on?

It's me.

Okay.

Oh, you want a beer or something?

Hey, buddy,

why don't we just put the knife down?

Oh, man, sorry.

- You know, I gotta be prepared. - Right.

Okay? In case he comes back.

Just put the, yeah, there you go.

Why don't you just tell me everything that's going on?

Okay, first it started out as dreams,

or I don't know, you know, something like dreams,

something in-between.

But then things actually, they started happening.

People started getting hurt.

They started dying, getting murdered,

and somehow I was responsible.

I have some control, right, through my writing,

but I don't know how it, I don't, I don't know.

I don't, I don't know how to fully...

I'm just trying to protect Kate, okay?

And make him go away.

Make who go away?

Big Baby.

I don't think Big Baby's real, bud.

I think you just,

you got in too deep and now you just need some help to,

I don't know, regulate.

He's real!

He's real! He was here!

That's who cut me, and I need to finish

this script or he kills Kate!

You got her real scared, dude.

You talked to her. Where is she?

- I can't-- - James, James, where is she?

- Look, she-- - Where is she?

She's with me and Patrice,

but she doesn't want you to know,

and I'm, shit, I wasn't supposed to tell you that.

Okay, you gotta leave. You gotta leave.

I need to finish this, I need to finish the script.

Let me help you.

Whoa, whoa, take it easy.

- James, leave. - Uh.

- Leave. - Okay, I'll leave,

- Hey, listen to me. - but I just...

Watch after her. I'll be done here soon.

Everything's gonna be fine, okay?

Okay? Why don't you go tell her that?

Go tell her that everything is gonna be fine.

- Just calm down. - James, get out.

Get out, James.

- James, get, get out! - Okay.

- Get out! - Okay, okay, I'll leave.

I just, I, I'll go, but I,

I just,

I love you buddy.

No!

No.

Please.

Wait!

Wait.

Please. You can save me.

You can write whatever you want and, and I can live.

I told you how sorry I was. I never meant to hurt anyone.

Please.

Please. You'll be no better than him.

You'll be just like him.

You'll be a killer.

Sorry.

No!

Yes, yes, you did it.

Kate.

Kate!

Kate!

Kate! Come on, open up.

I know you're in there.

Just call the police.

It's okay. I've got this.

Kate!

Hey, buddy.

Hey, where's Kate?

Just take it easy.

Where is she?

She's not here.

James, don't lie to me.

I'm telling you, she's not here.

I need to see her.

- She's not here? - She's not here.

Okay.

Move!

Adam, stop!

What are you doing?

Baby, just, just put down the knife.

I'm not gonna hurt you. Okay?

I'm not gonna hurt anybody.

I'm here to tell you that everything's fine. Okay?

I fixed it.

It's done.

It's done.

Big Baby, he's not gonna hurt you. Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Hey, that's, that's good.

That, that, means if he's not gonna hurt me,

then, then you think you could just put down the knife.

Right?

Right? 'Cause, 'cause you said I'm safe.

So just, let's just put down the knife.

I need to talk to you... alone.

Yeah. Of, of course.

Um, let's just give James the knife

and then we can go talk, okay?

Yeah, buddy. Just hand me the knife.

- Ah, ah! - Oh, no!

No! Ow, let me go!

Stop it! Ow!

No!

Ow! Stop it!

- Kate! - Open the door!

Kate, are you okay? Can you hear me?

- Is it locked? - Yes, it's locked!

Kate!

Kate.

Oh, shh.

Adam, this isn't okay.

- I'm not okay. - Kate,

I would never hurt you.

Here.

- Take it. - Kate!

Let us in!

It's okay! I'm okay!

What should we do? Should we call the police?

What? Shit, no.

Uh, I don't know. Let's just give 'em a minute.

What are we supposed to do? Huh?

What, what do you expect me to do?

I don't know.

It doesn't matter anymore.

You can think I'm crazy. You can leave me.

You can call the police.

Oh, it just doesn't matter anymore.

I just want you to know that all I did,

everything that I did, it was to,

it was to protect you.

Oh, I don't understand any of this.

I don't understand

how this happened, but I know, Kate,

Kate, I know it's not in my head,

or maybe that's where it started, but somehow,

somehow it got out.

It got out

and it's here now.

It's here.

No,

it's not.

It can't be.

Let me help you, please?

It's not too late. I can, I can help you.

It's too late.

And now I've realized

there's only one way for all this to stop.

What are you saying?

Interior, bedroom, night.

Big Baby emerges from the shadows.

He moves across the room towards Adam.

Adam, what the fuck?

The killer lifts his ax.

No, no.

And screams.

Break it down!

- Break it down! - What?

Move!

Oh!

It wasn't me.

It was him.

It was Big Baby.

Welcome back to...

Blood Soaked.

The biggest, bloodiest horror movie review podcast

in the history of the world.

- As usual, I'm Vampire Greg. - And I'm Steve Strange.

And we hope you are ready for this episode.

We are going to review a movie that just dropped this weekend.

The highly-anticipated slasher, mm, Big Baby.

Oh, I'm already shitting

- in my diaper, ooh. - I know.

I can smell it from here.

But the thing is, this isn't just a review of the film.

- Oh, no. - Mm-mm.

Me and Greg actually have a personal connection

- to the movie itself. - Or at least someone

ah, associated with this, with this film.

So myself and my partner in crime here, Steve,

had an interaction, let's just say, with Adam Lewis,

- the writer of this film. - Right, okay.

So me and Greg were minding our business

at our local coffee shop and up walks this dude.

Yes, this dude, of course, being Adam Lewis,

the, the screenwriter of Big Baby.

Right, but of course, we didn't know this at the time.

So he walks up and he wants to start talking horror movies,

and, and, and we thought he was just fanboying us like--

- As usual. - A lot of people do.

Um, but no, it turns out that he'd heard our review

of his previous film, The Blackest Moon.

Which we both agreed

was a steaming pile of dog vomit, right?

Mm-hmm, exactly.

Well, Mr. Lewis did not take kindly

to that assessment.

And then he proceeded to dump an entire cup of coffee.

- Hot coffee. - Hot coffee

- on our heads. - Hot coffee.

I mean, this guy was a fucking lunatic.

Right, so, flash forward to more recent news,

and get this, our buddy Adam Lewis, right?

Hey, get ready for it.

He was...

...murdered by his girlfriend.

- Allegedly. - Allege-- Allegedly.

I mean, there are some sources that say

it may have been a suicide,

or at least there was some questions

as to what actually happened.

Who knows? Who cares?

Whatever, trial pending.

Sure, so you know what? You know what?

Suicide, schmuicide. All right?

I'm saying this guy fucking deserved it.

- Whoa. - Well, look, I couldn't get

those coffee stains outta my shirt after like a week,

so, yeah, no fucking remorse.

Okay, all right. Fair enough.

Well, Mr. Lewis did manage to crank out one last script

before his untimely demise, and that script

was for the movie Big Baby.

Which hits theaters this week.

Mm-hmm. So, okay, what'd you think?

Look, this, this might, this might come as a shock,

but I thought it was fucking awesome.

- Yeah, hell yeah, it was. - Fucking sick.

Now let's get into the details of this monster piece.

Be warned, spoilers ahead.

- Good show today, bro. - Yeah, man, good shit.

Wanna grab a drink?

Sure, why not? Yeah.

Hey, um,

you don't think we were too harsh on that guy, right?

Adam Lewis?

No, fuck that guy.

- That's what I was thinking. - Right?

Fuck that guy.