All language subtitles for Office S03E01

Ryan: Yeah,
I'm not a temp anymore.

I got Jim's old job,

which means at my
10-year high school reunion,

itwill not say,
"Ryan Howard is a temp."

It will say, "Ryan Howard
is a junior sales associate

"at a mid-range
paper supply firm."

That'll show them.

You have no idea how
long I've wanted to do that.

Me, too.

Ithinkwe'rejustdrunk.

No, I'm not drunk.

Are you drunk?

Jim.

You're really
going to marry him?

Okay.

Jim is gone.

He's gone. I miss him so much.

I cry myself to sleep. Jim.

False. I do not miss him.

No. That is the fun
of this place.

I call everybody faggy. Why
would anyone find that offensive?

Okay. I think Oscar would just like it if
you used lame or something like that.

That's what faggy means.

No, not really.

Apparently you called
Oscar faggy.

Yeah.

For liking the movie Shakespeare
in love more than an action movie.

It wasn'tjust an action
movie, it was die hard.

All right, Michael,
but Oscar's really gay.

Exactly. I mean for real.

Yeah, I know.

No. He's attracted to other men.

Okay. Little too far.
Crossed the line.

Okay. I am telling you,

Oscar is an actual homosexual.

Yeah. He told me this morning.

And obviously he hopes he
can count on your discretion.

I would have never
called him that if I knew.

You don't call
retarded people retards.

It's bad taste.

You call your friends retards
when they're acting retarded.

And I consider Oscar a friend.

Listen, man, I am so sorry.
I had no idea.

No. No. Oh, it's fine.
It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay. No, it's not. I
just... I feel terrible about it.

I have been calling people
faggy since I was in junior high,

and I have never made
this mistake.

If I don't know how to behave,

it is because I am
just so far the opposite way.

You know? I'm just...

I... ican't even
imagine the thing...

Maybe we could go out for a beer
sometime and you could tell me

how you do that to another dude.

That sounds like a great,
wonderful idea. Let's do that.

It explains so much.

No. I'm not gay.

And I don't understand why
anyone would think that I'm gay if...

Yeah, I'm gay.

I can't say whether dunder
Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir,

but I can assure you that it is
certainly not more flammable.

Jim: Why did I transfer
to stamford?

I think that's pretty obvious.

I got promoted.

And you can't beat
that view, right?

Hey, big tuna,
you're single, right?

Yeah, I am.

Pretty hot, huh?

She's completely crazy.

Steer clear, big tuna.

Head for open waters.

Okay. Okay.

Jim: I ate a tuna sandwich on my first
day, so Andy started calling me big tuna.

I don't think any of them
actually know my real name.

Big tuna
is a super ambitious guy,

you know, cut your throat
to get ahead type of guy.

But, I mean,
I'm not threatened by him.

I went to Cornell.
You ever heard of it?

I graduated in four years,
I never studied once,

I was drunk the whole time

and I sang in the a cappella
group here comes treble.

So, end of day, we are going to
have a little diversity policy freshener,

because of some more problems
at the Scranton branch.

And I have a list of business
start-ups I got from the chamber.

Yes. I am going to need
someone to cold call them.

Oh, I can do that.

Karen: Jim's nice enough.

I don't know
how well he's fitting in here.

He's always looking
at the camera, like this.

What is that?

Can you tell who's gay
and who is not? Of course.

What about Oscar?

Absolutely not. Well, he is.

Well, he's not dressed
in women's clothes, so...

There could be others.

I need to know. I don't
want to offend anybody else.

You could assume everyone is
and not say anything offensive.

Yeah.

I'm sure everyone would appreciate
me treating them like they were gay.

Hey, what about Angela?

She's hard and severe.
She could be a gay woman.

I really don't think so.
I don't know.

I can imagine her
with another woman, can't you?

Do some research.

Find out if there's a way to
tell by just looking at them.

Jim told me you could buy
gaydaronhne.

That's ridiculous.
Yeah. Probably.

He didn't tell the truth a lot.

Let's call him and get
the website. Definitely.

What's gaydar?

Oh, oh, gaydar, yes! No, I think
they have it at sharper image.

Oh, you know what?
I can check for you.

No problem.

It's sold out.

Yeah. Sorry about that.
That's a bummer.

They're sold out. Damn.

I'll try brookstone.

I miss that.

Chicken or fish?

Chicken.

So, you having a good day?
Excellent. Thanks.

Good. I'm glad.

Okay.

Pam: Yeah, I didn't go through
with the wedding.

I got cold feet
a few days before,

and I can't really explain it.

I just had to get out
of that relationship.

We still had to pay for
all the food, so we froze it.

But I'm doing well.

I have my own apartment
and I'm taking art classes.

And I have lunch
for the next five weeks.

After Pam dumped me,

I kind of stopped taking care
of myself for a while there,

and I hit bottom when
I had a drunk driving arrest.

Yeah, I've been working out
and, you know,

I'm not going
to take her for granted.

I got to win her back.

I got them a toaster.

They called off the wedding
and gave the toaster back to me.

I tried to return the toaster
to the store and they said

they no longer sold
that kind of toaster.

So now my house
has got two toasters.

It is so cool that you're gay.
I totally underestimated you.

Yes, I am super cool.

I am an accountant

at a failing paper supply
company in Scranton.

Much like sir Ian mckellen.

Angela: Sure, sometimes I watch
will & grace and I want to throw up.

It's terribly loud.

I do like it sometimes
when Harry connick Jr. is on.

He's so talented.

Okay,

who put my calculator in jell-o?

Good one.

But, seriously,
guys, who did this?

Seriously, guys. Who did this?

I need to know who put
my calculator in jell-o

or I'm going to lose
my freaking mind!

You know, it's amazing to me
that in this day and age,

you can be so obtuse
about sexual orientation.

Iwatch the I word, okay?
Jan: Good. Good.

Iwatch queer as... so...

That's not what it's called.

Okay, Michael, are you aware
that you outed Oscar today?

What? What does that even...

Coming out is a significant
moment for a gay person.

And they should be allowed
to select the timing

and manner of announcing it.

Well, gay pride, right?

Gay pride parade.

It's not, like,
gay shame festival.

All right, now Oscar's feeling
discriminated against by his co-workers,

primarily Angela,
and that's your fault.

I think Angela might be gay.

Could Oscar and Angela
be having a gay affair?

Jan: No! Maybe. Is
that what this is about?

No. No. It's not possible.
I don't...

Anything's possible. Okay,
you know, imagine you were gay.

Well, I'm not gay, jan,

and you should know that
better than anybody.

Michael, your immaturity
is extremely disappointing

and may even lead to a lawsuit,

which is the absolute last thing
this company needs right now.

Yes. Do you understand?

I know.

The company has made it
my responsibility today

to put an end to 100,000 years
of being weirded out by gays.

Am I the first gay man
you ever knew?

Trick question.

'Cause you can't always tell,
so how would I know?

Was that the right answer?

Yup.

Michael, Dwight's looking at
gay pornography on his computer.

Michael knows, Pam, okay? He
asked me to do this just for him.

He has his own reasons.

Okay.

Nothing wrong
with this stuff at all.

This is fine.

You know what? Gay porn,
straight porn, it's all good.

I don't particularly get
into this but, you know what,

I totally see the merit.
And actually,

it is quite beautiful.

Oh, damn pop-ups.
What are you doing?

Watching some of your friends.
This is stupid. Excuse me.

Don't touch me!

Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop it!

All right, everybody
in the conference room!

I don't care if you are
gay, or straight,

or a lesbian or overweight,
just get in here!

Right now!

Did you know that gay
used to mean happy?

When I was growing up,
it meant lame.

And now it means a man

who makes love to other men.

We're all homos, homo sapiens.

Gays aren't necessarily
who you think they are...

What? ...People.

I mean, anybody can be gay.

Businessmen,
like antique dealers,

or hairdressers or

accountants.

Oscar, why don't you take this
opportunity to officially come out

to everybody here
however you want to do it?

Go ahead. Stand up.

I'm doing this for you.

Yes, I'm gay.

And I didn't plan on sharing
that part of my life with you today,

so, whatever.

Can I sit down now?

Creed: I'm not offended
by homosexuality.

In the '60s, I made love to many,
many women, often outdoors,

in the mud and the rain,

and it's possible
a man slipped in.

There would be
no way of knowing.

Who should be the judges
and juries of our society?

Judges and juries. Yes.

That's a good point.
She has a good point.

Because gay marriage currently
is not legal under us law.

I bet a lot of straight men
wished that applied to them

so they could go out there
and have some torrid,

unabashed monkey sex as
much as they could. You know?

Sounds pretty good, right?
That sounds great.

Yeah, Dwight.

I think all the other office
gays should identify themselves

or I will do it forthem.

No one else
in this office is gay.

What about Phyllis?

She makes absolutely
no attempt to be feminine.

I'm getting married to Bob
Vance. Stanley: You are?

No way! Ryan:
Congratulations, Phyllis.

When did you get that?
Michael: That's great.

Congratulations, Phyllis. That is
great, and frankly, kind of amazing.

See? Everybody has a chance.
Thank you.

But, still Phyllis, in college,

did you ever experiment
with other women?

A lot of women do.

No, and you knew me
in high school.

Of course, we all thought
you were gay in high school.

Right.

And I take that as a compliment.

Well, with your ties
and your matching socks...

Well, I just like to look
good, okay? So...

You sound pretty defensive,
Michael.

No. I am just coming out
myself. I am coming out hetero!

I think the problem
with this office is

that you are sending mixed
signals about my being here.

No. No. The only signal
that I am sending is gay good!

Look, if I was gay,

I would be the most
flamboyant gay you've ever seen.

I would be leading the parade
covered in feathers and just...

I'd be waving that rainbow flag.

I don't think I can work
here any longer.

This has been the worst,

most backwards day of my life.

You misunderstand...
Okay. All right...

You know what? Okay. Okay.

I'm going to put my money
where my mouth is.

You ready? What are you doing?

I am going to embrace Oscar.
You might want to watch us, Angela,

because you can't catch
anything. Here we go.

We are going to
make a statement. No.

You and I are going
to make a statement together.

Oscar is my friend.
I'd rather not.

And I just don't care
who sees it.

Doesn't bother me. Really,
I really would rather not.

Come here, friend.
I'd really rather not.

You're my friend. No! No!

I don't want to touch you.
Ever considered that?

You're ignorant
and insulting and small.

Okay.

All right.

I'm sorry. Michael, I'm sorry.

That was a good idea. Come on.

Come on.

All right.

I'm sorry I called you faggy.
I know. I know.

You're not faggy.
I know you are.

You're a good guy. You, too.

Dwight: Michael
appears to be gay, too.

And yet he is my friend.

I guess I do have a gay friend.

You know what,
I'm going to raise the stakes.

You don't...

I want you to watch this

and I want you to burn
this into your brains.

I don't think
we need to do this...

Because this is an image

that I want you people to
remember for a long time to come.

Whenever you come into the
office, I want you to think about this.

We don't need to.

Yes, we do. What?

I did it!

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

See,

I'm still here.

We're all still here.

Oh, come on, Dwight!
Come on, man!

We are not in the playground
anymore. There are new rules.

We have to be mature,

but we can't lose the spirit
of childlike wonder.

What is love anyway?

Maybe it's supposed
to break all the rules.

Like me and jan.

Or Oscar and some guy.
Life is short.

When two people find each other,

what should stand in their way?

Brown: It is very easy
for you to be a hero.

All you need are honesty, empathy,
respect and open-mindedness.

I'm glad if today
spurred social change.

That's part of my job
as regional manager.

But, you know what,
even if it didn't,

at least we put
this matter to bed.

That's what she said.
Or he said.

Oh, there's Gil,
Oscar's roommate.

I wonder if he knows.

I was going to quit,

but jan offered me a three-month,
paid vacation and a company car.

All I had to do was sign
something saying I won't sue.

Gil and I are going to Europe.

Kids, sometimes it pays
to be gay.

"Hope this helps. Jim."

Nice.

What are you doing?
Don't be scared.

It works.

Oh, no.