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# Terrible Tudors,
gorgeous Georgians
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# Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
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00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:05,560
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights
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00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:06,960
# Dingy castles, daring knights
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00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,440
# Horrors that defy description
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00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:09,680
# Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:11,120
# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
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# Punishment from ancient times
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# Romans
# Rotten, rank and ruthless
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# Cavemen
# Savage, fierce and toothless
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# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
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# Mean and measly Middle Ages
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00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:20,760
BOTH: # Gory stories, we do that
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# And your host, a talking rat
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# The past is no longer a mystery
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# Welcome to
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(GREGORIAN CHANT-STYLE)
# Horrible Histories. #
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Horrible Histories presents:
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(SIGHS)
20
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:43,960
Well, here I am,
stuck on Mummus's naughty step.
21
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,360
It's so unfair!
22
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,480
I'm being punished
for not tidying my room...
23
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..ever!
24
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,200
(LAUGHS)
25
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:53,560
Oh, well, I don't mind.
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00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:56,040
There have been lots of
naughty people in history,
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00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,960
so I'm in good company.
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Or, rather, BAD company.
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And that's why, today, I'm giving you
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00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:05,960
my Top Ten Naughtiest People
from history!
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(FARTS)
And starting at number ten,
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00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:09,720
we have Anne Hutchinson.
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00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:12,880
You'll never guess what she did
that was so naughty.
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00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:15,120
She read the Bible!
35
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,040
Yeah, I know - it doesn't
sound naughty at all, does it?
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00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:21,960
Well, that wasn't how they saw it
in 17th century Puritan America,
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00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:25,760
particularly if you were a woman.
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(SIREN WAILS)
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00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,440
Being in law enforcement
in a new colony is tough.
40
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,960
The folks here in Massachusetts Bay
are desperate,
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00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:38,080
it does not take much
for them to turn to crime.
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00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,120
The number one threat
we're dealing with today is...
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00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:41,960
(TWANG!)
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00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,320
..women reading.
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00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:46,720
That, and the locals
who don't want us here.
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00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,640
We've received intel that there is
a gang of women readers
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00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,640
operating from inside this house.
48
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,960
It looks just like
an ordinary house - it's not.
49
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It's a book den.
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Makes you sick!
51
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,680
Word is we think it's
a woman called Anne Hutchinson.
52
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:09,000
Apparently she organised the book
gang on the boat over from Europe.
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Some of the women get in so deep
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their lips don't even move
while they're reading.
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If that's not witchcraft, what is?
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00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:18,080
The Puritan General Assembly
here in the Massachusetts Bay colony
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have outlawed the book gang,
and that's why we're here today.
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00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,680
We're hoping that the ringleader,
Hutchinson,
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00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,960
will be in there herself,
teaching with her books.
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00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,840
Ha! Well, not on my watch.
They're going down.
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You go in. I'll cover you.
Yeah.
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00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,000
And then in chapter five,
we see that...
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Go! Go! Go! This is book raid!
Put the book down and step away!
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00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,800
But I'll lose my page.
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00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,880
Alright, put a bookmark
inside the book
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00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:46,560
then put the book down,
then step away!
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00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,200
We've got a runner!
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00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:50,240
Stop, in the name
of the Puritan law!
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00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:53,000
Book launch!
Ahh! Ahh! I'm hit!
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00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,720
Ahh! Oh!
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00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,360
You'll be OK, buddy.
Ahh! I think it was a hardback.
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00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:01,120
Scars are just part of the job.
I mean, look at this one.
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00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:02,480
Papercut.
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00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,040
I feel all cold.
Hey, hey, hey, don't speak like that!
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00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:06,560
Look at me, look at me!
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00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,400
It's a reminder of what we face
out there every single day.
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00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,520
Officer Scratcher here
is going to read you your rights.
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00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,280
Hang on, w-why,
why am I going to read them?
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00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,440
You've got the card, so.
Yeah, but...
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00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:21,040
I can't read, can I?
Well, I can't read, either.
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00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,400
What do you want me to do,
just make it up?
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00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,480
Er, excuse me?
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00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:27,440
Would you like me
to read the card for you?
84
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,320
You know, some of the days are hard,
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00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,080
but if we can do a little good
here and there,
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like preventing women from reading,
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00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:35,280
then it'll all have been worthwhile.
88
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:38,960
You - I - have the right
to remain silent.
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00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:45,400
A-anything you - I - say can
and will be used against you. Me.
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00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,520
Oh, we really appreciate this.
Mm-hm.
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00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,320
I mean, obviously,
we will have to add you reading this
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00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:50,840
to the list of charges but...
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00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,360
..Puritan law's the Puritan law.
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00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,640
Seems like
it was the Puritan officials
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00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:58,120
that were the naughty ones.
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00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:01,400
Anne and her friends weren't doing
anything naughty at all.
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00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:06,920
Well, in at number nine, is someone
who certainly was a bit naughty.
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00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:10,440
Sir Walter Raleigh got locked up
in the Tower of London
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00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:12,120
for 13 years,
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00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,000
for plotting against
King James I of England.
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00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,880
And that wasn't the only time
he was in there.
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00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,680
Elizabeth I locked him up, too!
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00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:23,920
Mind you, he didn't exactly
waste his time in prison.
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00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,480
VOICEOVER:
They've got a guilty secret.
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00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,320
It's Guilty Cordial
from Sir Walter Raleigh.
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00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,720
So good, they should lock it up.
107
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:36,840
And they have! 'Cause it's
made here in prison by me!
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00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:37,880
Urgh!
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I'm Sir Walter Rah - urgh! - leigh,
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00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,120
Elizabethan spy,
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00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,000
explorer, soldier, poet,
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00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,480
and now soft drink maker.
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00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:52,280
My medicinal, healthy cordials
are all made here by my hand,
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00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:55,240
in the Tower of London.
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00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:56,960
'Cause there's not much else to do.
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00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,280
Fancy a sip, Bird?
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00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:01,240
He never says anything.
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00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:05,280
Guilty Cordials are made with
only the freshest of ingredients,
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00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:08,240
many of them grown here
during my exercise hours
120
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,520
in the gardens of the prison.
121
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,040
Oh, look, some rosemary.
122
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:15,760
Through that unlocked gate.
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00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,360
Ah! I was just going to close it.
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00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,560
Guilty Cordial is made
from rosemary, elderflower,
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00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:24,400
thistles, clay, wood...
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00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,120
That wood bark's got a bit
of raven poo on it. Revolting.
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00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:31,680
..antlers, and the hearts
and livers of deadly vipers.
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00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,720
But not their skins.
That's disgusting.
129
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:39,400
So why not try Guilty Cordial
from me, Sir Walter Raleigh?
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00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:43,040
It's so good,
they have to keep me locked up.
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00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,960
And also because I plotted
to overthrow the new King James.
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00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,920
And I attacked the Spanish
when I said I wouldn't.
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00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,480
And a bunch of other stuff.
134
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:53,320
What can I say? I'm as guilty
as my own cordial, ooh!
135
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,840
Guilty Cordial.
Hurry, while stocks last.
136
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:59,080
Production will definitely cease
on the 29th October 1618.
137
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,520
Oh, why? Are they letting me out?
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00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,360
Um, well, not exactly.
139
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,400
(SCREAMS)
140
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:07,960
Cor! That stuff sounds delish!
141
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,640
I might just get off this
stupid step and get myself a glass.
142
00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:15,320
Stay where you are, Rattus!
Yes, Mummus.
143
00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,320
Thought she'd gone out.
144
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,280
Still, trying to escape
can be naughty, too.
145
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:23,440
Especially when you're
escaping from prison.
146
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,280
That didn't stop Charles I, though.
147
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,520
He's in at number eight
148
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,600
'cause he tried to escape lots,
149
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,920
which is what I'm going to do
right now.
150
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:35,480
Don't you dare, Rattus.
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00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,320
(SIGHS) Worth a try.
152
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:39,680
(SIGHS)
153
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,640
Going well, is it, sire?
154
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:48,640
Oh, sweet freedom!
My liberty is nigh, I can feel it!
155
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:52,200
Maybe trying to escape through the
bars wasn't such a great idea, sire.
156
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,880
Nonsense, why would you
say a thing like that?
157
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,120
Well, it's just that you've had
your head stuck for some time now.
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00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:59,520
That is such a glass-half-empty way
of looking at things, Ashburnham.
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00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,720
Because you could say that my head
is completely free from the prison.
160
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:06,320
Mm, yeah, but a lot of your body's
still inside the prison, sire.
161
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,720
Yes. Right, new plan.
162
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:12,920
Like the greasy sausage,
we shall slip through their hands.
163
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:14,480
We will head to the New Forest,
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00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:18,320
moving so fast they'll be unable
to keep a hold of us. (LAUGHS)
165
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,880
Brilliant idea, Your Majesty.
Yes, it is.
166
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,680
You might be forgetting
one thing, though.
167
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:22,960
Your head is stuck in a window.
168
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,400
Will you stop being
such a negative Nelly?!
169
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,480
Everyone knows that if
the head can pass through a space
170
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:29,960
then the rest can follow
171
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,240
because the head is
the biggest part of the body.
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00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,280
So, here we go, one time,
no thought, here we go!
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00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,000
(GRUNTS)
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00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:42,120
(STRAINS)
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00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:43,720
Ta-da. Ow!
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00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,520
I think that
just applies to mice, sir.
177
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,720
Why didn't you say anything,
then, Ashburnham?!
178
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,320
I did.
My shoulder's stuck now
179
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,920
and I'm in a huge amount
of physical pain!
180
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,720
OK, right, plan C, plan C.
181
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,680
Earlier today I took the precaution
of summoning a man servant
182
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whose OUTRAGEOUS CLOTHING
will distract from his face.
183
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:05,200
I'm talking a big, wide hat,
a fake beard and a wig
184
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,640
and a big great coat.
Hmm, yeah.
185
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:10,680
So all I need then do
is disguise myself as him and, ah...
186
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,200
You mean this bloke?
Yeah, we spotted him immediately.
187
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,200
You're not going anywhere.
Now, here's my plan -
188
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,000
you go back to bed
and you stay here,
189
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,160
locked up and ready to be executed.
190
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:20,840
Pfft, tell them, Ashburnham.
191
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:24,800
It's a good plan, guard, if it
weren't for one inescapable fact.
192
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,960
Head in window!
193
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,640
I'm stucko, bucko!
194
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,840
(LAUGHS)
195
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,240
You're not very stealthy.
196
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:36,760
Well, if you're a Royalist Cavalier
197
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,920
you probably think Charles shouldn't
have been in prison anyway,
198
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,200
so why shouldn't he try and escape?
199
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,320
But there's not much debate
about number seven.
200
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:50,120
Meet Moll Cutpurse.
She's a proper troublemaker.
201
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,240
Be careful, men.
202
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,040
During these times of Civil War
203
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,680
the roads could be
a haven for criminals.
204
00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,640
Frankly, we got a lot of stuff
that they might be interested in.
205
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:02,800
Ah, you mean
all the gold in our chest?
206
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:06,800
I was trying not to
draw attention to that. Whoa!
207
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,600
It's a woman!
208
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,640
In breeches! Playing the lute!
209
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,680
Ahoy! The name's Moll Cutpurse.
210
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:18,040
Moll Cutpurse! You used to rob
people all up and down the country!
211
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:19,680
You're well famous!
212
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,520
I am, and I got
the scars to prove it.
213
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,640
By which I mean they caught me
and scarred me hands
214
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,600
to mark me as a thief
and teach me the error of me ways.
215
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,040
Cool!
It's not cool!
216
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,200
It's punishment
for breaking our rules.
217
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,000
Pray it may have worked.
218
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,000
Don't look like it... Yeah!
219
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,400
Hey!
(LAUGHS)
220
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,600
Me money! Ah! Me trousers!
221
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,560
(LAUGHS) Oh, you're brilliant!
222
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:46,120
And yet she's still just a petty
thief, pickpocketing strangers.
223
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:50,960
How dare ya! I'm in me 60s now,
pursuing me true passions.
224
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:52,560
Oh, what's that, then?
Doing stick-ups.
225
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:55,680
Hand over your loot -
and I don't mean this kind.
226
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:58,360
Never! You may be able
to scare the common folk
227
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:02,040
but I am a general
of the highest authority.
228
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,200
I demand that you follow
the rules of society...
229
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,840
Oh.
..and the power of the law!
230
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,080
(LAUGHS)
231
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,560
Should have told ya, I don't care
about the rules of society.
232
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,960
She is brilliant.
Are none of you going to help?
233
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,800
Come on, lads, help me out.
Cutpurse away!
234
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,320
Oh, the shame.
235
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:20,200
My breeches are round me ankles.
236
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,200
Oh, brilliant.
237
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:26,800
Well, I know she was naughty
but she sounds brilliant.
238
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:30,200
And you know who else is brilliantly
naughty? In at number six,
239
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,160
it's young Julius Caesar,
240
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:35,200
and he's with a bunch
of Cilician pirates.
241
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,200
That's right, Ceasar was SO naughty
242
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,280
even when he's kidnapped by pirates
243
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,920
HE ends up being the naughty one.
244
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,960
Captain! We have captured
a young nobleman. He's a Roman.
245
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,120
Perfect.
246
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,160
Tremble, Roman,
247
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:56,080
for you have been captured
by the Cilician pirates!
248
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,640
Yeah, can we hurry this up?
249
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,840
Eh?
Look, I'm Gaius Julius Caesar,
250
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:04,600
I've got a lot on
and this is really starting to drag.
251
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,560
Tremble!
We did that bit!
252
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:09,000
Can we just get to the ransom demand?
253
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,600
Right, if your friends
want to see you alive again...
254
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,400
Yeah, blah-blah-blah. How much?
255
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,400
You serious?
256
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,560
20 talents of silver.
257
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,280
20?!
Yeah.
258
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,160
How dare you!
259
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:23,760
Tie me up. Wrists.
260
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:27,360
I'm staying right here
until you get a fee worthy of me.
261
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,240
I mean, honestly! Ankles.
262
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,840
I'm worth...50 talents, at least.
263
00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:34,320
Fine then, 50 talents, please.
264
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,440
Thank you! 20!
265
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:37,800
Genuinely hurt by that.
266
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:39,840
OK, I'll get my men
to arrange the payment.
267
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,960
Huh! Huh! Oi, men!
268
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:46,840
I've been captured by cu-culdici...
Cilician.
269
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:51,160
..Cilician pirates. I need you to
go around the Aegean coastal cities
270
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,640
and raise 50 talents.
271
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,120
And if they complain,
272
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:57,080
kindly remind them that
if they were patrolling properly
273
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,440
then we wouldn't be having
so much trouble
274
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,840
with these low lives!
275
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,400
No offence.
276
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,120
Huh! Hu-uh!
277
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:06,760
Down.
278
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,600
Steve, you don't have to.
279
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:09,920
Good boy. Huh!
280
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,600
What are you doing?
Ah! So, what have you guys
281
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,320
got planned for entertainment?
Entertainment?
282
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,000
Well, sometimes we play ballgames
or hold athletic tournaments.
283
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,840
Would you be quiet?
I don't want to play with him.
284
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,760
Sounds fun, I'm in. Oh, and also
285
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,880
I'm going to need a few of your men
for an audience.
286
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,040
Audience?
Yeah, I'll be writing some poetry
287
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:28,160
whilst I'm here and it'd
be good to get some feedback.
288
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,320
Feedback?
289
00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,920
Well, my men don't really
like poetry.
290
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,440
Great! I've been kidnapped
by a bunch of oiks
291
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:36,800
who don't appreciate the arts.
292
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:40,560
Urgh! Fine! I'll just get some
shut-eye. Just keep it down, yeah?
293
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:44,040
No, I will not keep it down!
I've got to keep it loud!
294
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,480
I'm a pirate!
Shush! Oh, and, by the way,
295
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,960
when I get free
I'm going to hunt you all down
296
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,080
and have you crucified -
and not in a nice way.
297
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:55,080
I'd rather that
than listen to his poetry.
298
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,120
Oh-ho-ho-ho! The burn.
299
00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:58,720
I can hear you, you know.
300
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:00,160
Sorry.
301
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:05,000
We're into the last five, and that
means some properly bad behaviour.
302
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:09,760
At number five -
the one and only Guy Fawkes.
303
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,160
Guy tried to kill King James I.
304
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:15,200
He was going to blow the king
and his whole parliament up.
305
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:20,000
Luckily, Guy's naughty
gunpowder plot went up in smoke.
306
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,960
(OWL HOOTS)
307
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,000
Halt!
Oh!
308
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,440
Sorry to interrupt, mate.
309
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:40,240
But apparently some joker's trying
to blow up the Houses of Parliament.
310
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,440
Oh.
311
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:44,280
You haven't seen him around,
have you?
312
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:45,880
No.
313
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:51,880
OK, fair enough. We'll leave you
to it. Have a good night and...
314
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,000
Hang on a second.
315
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,600
That's a lot of firewood
316
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,600
to be stacking right underneath
the Houses of Parliament.
317
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:03,400
Is it? I wouldn't really know,
I'm just a lowly servant man
318
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:06,040
looking after a cellar full of wood
319
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:09,040
for my boss, Thomas Percy.
320
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:15,520
Fair enough. Well, boys, it looks
like nothing dodgy is going on here.
321
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,040
Let us know if you
see anything strange.
322
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,720
Will do!
Let's go find the guy.
323
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:19,960
Yes?
324
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,800
What?
You said Guy.
325
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,080
Is your name Guy?
326
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:28,760
No.
327
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:30,480
What's your name?
328
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,760
John.
John what?
329
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,640
John...
330
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,560
..son. John, Johnson,
my name's John Johnson.
331
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,360
John Johnson?
332
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,480
Yeah.
333
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:47,280
Lovely to meet you, John Johnson!
Good to meet you, too!
334
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:48,720
Better let you get on with it.
335
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,160
Let us know if you see anyone
up to no good.
336
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:51,920
Johnson's your man.
337
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,680
A close one.
338
00:14:55,680 --> 00:15:00,040
Proof if ever
that God is on our side.
339
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:01,760
Nothing can stop us now.
340
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:05,040
(LOUD CLATTERING)
341
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:06,880
Just one more thing.
342
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,960
Wait a second, what's all this?!
343
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,160
John Johnson, you are nicked!
344
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,760
Drop that barrel of gunpowder!
345
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:20,440
I don't think that would be
a very good idea.
346
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:21,920
You're probably right!
347
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:26,840
Well, Guy Fawkes
was definitely naughty.
348
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:30,720
But guess what? He wasn't
the ringleader of the Gunpowder Plot.
349
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,080
And, while he got caught in the act,
350
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,360
the brains behind it, Robert Catesby,
351
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:40,040
and lots of other plotters,
very nearly got away with it.
352
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:43,280
And that's why Guy's at five
and the rest of the plotters
353
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:47,040
are right here on the naughty list
at number four.
354
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,240
VOICEOVER: With Guy Fawkes
now captured,
355
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,000
lead investigator
Sheriff Richard Walsh and his men
356
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:56,080
are hot on the trail of Catesby
and his fugitive crew,
357
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,040
including Thomas Wintour
and Everard Digby.
358
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,960
OK, a quick recap, guys.
359
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,840
Fawkes is out of the picture
and Parliament is safe.
360
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,440
But Robert Catesby
and the rest of the conspirators
361
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,720
still want to start a rebellion.
So let's hunt them down.
362
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,560
It's pretty obvious they'll head for
the Midlands and the weather's bad,
363
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:24,440
so we should look out for some
soaking wet, stressed-out Catholics.
364
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:28,000
I'm stressed! I'm super stressed!
Everything's ruined!
365
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,520
Come on, Wintour, Digby -
everything will be fine.
366
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,520
Will it, Catesby, will it?!
367
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:35,200
'Cause our plan's just gone up
in smoke, or rather it didn't.
368
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,320
That was the old plan.
Old plan?
369
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,240
Yeah, the new plan
370
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:42,520
is that we lie low here,
at Holbeche House in Staffordshire,
371
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,200
drum up support, start a revolt.
372
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,800
They'll never see us coming.
373
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:49,240
They'll be lying low,
drumming up support
374
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:53,120
and trying to start a revolt.
That's standard.
375
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:57,040
VOICEOVER: Catesby's crew are
drying out inside Holbeche House.
376
00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:01,120
It's going great, guys.
We've got hundreds of willing men.
377
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,640
All the willing men have left.
378
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:06,520
(WAILS)
379
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,680
Never mind.
We're a SMALL group of willing men
380
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,840
who can move fast and achieve a lot.
381
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,280
I'll tell you what,
getting hold of those horses,
382
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,320
now that was a stroke of luck.
383
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,400
We've got word
of some stolen horses in Warwick
384
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,560
so let's go and check it out.
385
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,560
There's going to be fireworks.
386
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,200
(FIREWORK POPS)
387
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,800
There.
388
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:29,440
Now that is how you dry gunpowder.
389
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,760
Look, I know I'm not
the explosives expert
390
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,680
but I'm sure there was something to
remember about gunpowder and fire.
391
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,200
How else are you meant to dry it?
I don't know!
392
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,480
Well, it doesn't work if it's wet,
so we didn't have much of a choice.
393
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,720
But don't worry,
it's perfectly safe!
394
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,040
(EXPLOSION)
395
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:46,760
Oh, my eyes, I can't see!
396
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,120
I'm off!
I'm coming with you.
397
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:53,520
Come on, man! Surely you can see
that my plan will still work!
398
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,760
I can't see anything any more!
Calm down!
399
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,440
They'll never find us!
400
00:17:58,480 --> 00:17:59,760
We've found them.
401
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,880
Do you think we should just...
give up?
402
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:07,120
Never. It's fine.
Don't worry about it. It's all...
403
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,240
(GUNSHOT)
(GROANS) ..good.
404
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,320
Well, if you say-so, Catesby.
405
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:15,680
Catesby?
406
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,840
Bad luck, guys,
you've been hunted down
407
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,880
and, in some cases, shot.
408
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,160
What happened? Did we win?
409
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,280
I'll take that as a no!
410
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,520
We're down to my top three now,
411
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,560
so it's time for
some serious antisocial behaviour.
412
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,040
And it doesn't
come much more antisocial
413
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,440
than chopping people's heads off.
414
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,560
At number three,
it's your favourite king and mine -
415
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,640
and certainly his favourite -
Henry VIII.
416
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:46,080
Henry was naughty in lots of ways
417
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,360
but one of the naughtiest things
about him
418
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:52,720
was the way he dealt
with other naughty people.
419
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,400
Hiya! I'm Henry VIII.
420
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,000
Monarch. Serial husband.
421
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,120
And massive fan
of chopping people's heads off.
422
00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,400
Sweet!
423
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,320
And what better place
to make heads roll
424
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,400
than here in the Tower of London?
425
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:07,080
So in this vid I'm going to give you
my five faves.
426
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,600
Welcome to Top Of The Chops.
427
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,280
Ooh!
428
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,520
Lovely stuff, John, off in one.
429
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,320
Thank you, Your Majesty.
430
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,640
Top bloke.
431
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,320
At number five,
it's my fifth wife Catherine Howard.
432
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,040
Her head had to roll
433
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,920
because I found out
that she'd had loads of boyfriends
434
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,640
before I married her,
which I did not like.
435
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:34,560
Ladies, top tip - don't marry
a jealous king with his own axe man.
436
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,400
Bit of beef, Beefy?
I'm vegetarian.
437
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:38,680
What...?
438
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,520
Anne. My second wife.
439
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:44,720
My first love.
440
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,680
And number four in my Top Chops.
441
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:50,200
I did my job,
redecorating the tower for her.
442
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,640
She didn't do her job
in giving me a son,
443
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,840
so it was choppity-chop-chop.
444
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:56,080
It was quite sad, though.
445
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,040
She said some lovely things
about me on the scaffold,
446
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,480
even asked the crowd to
pray for me. Really quite moving.
447
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,320
Still killed her, though.
448
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:08,360
Argh!
Wow, a bull's-eye!
449
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,400
Thomas Cromwell came a cropper
when he met the chopper.
450
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,640
He had to go because
he organised my fourth marriage
451
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:18,080
to Anne of Cleves, and she was not
nearly as pretty as he said she was.
452
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,920
He's also did
a bunch of treason stuff.
453
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,800
I stuck his head on
a spike on London Bridge.
454
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,040
Well, I had to put it somewhere.
455
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,960
Margaret Pole,
she was a stubborn one.
456
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,240
She made a huge fuss because
she didn't want me to divorce
457
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:33,760
my ex, Catherine of Aragon.
458
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,600
She even encouraged
an invasion of England.
459
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,680
And her head was just as stubborn.
460
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,680
It took 11 chops to get it off.
461
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,480
And at number one...!
462
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,000
I tell you what's
not all fun and games -
463
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,200
beheading someone
who you really like.
464
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,240
Thomas More
was a dear friend of mine
465
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:53,040
but, guys, you don't disagree
with the king on religion!
466
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:54,520
If people lose their heads,
467
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,160
people gon' lose their heads.
468
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,920
It was quite sad, though, the
executioner even apologised to him.
469
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,840
More kissed him and said,
"It's fine."
470
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,080
So maybe he was cool with it.
471
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,320
Anyway, top bloke,
shame about the...
472
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:06,720
So, there you have it.
473
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,280
My five Top Of The Chops.
474
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:09,800
Don't forget to like, follow and
475
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,480
subscribe to my religious reforms.
476
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:12,480
Or else!
477
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,080
And watch out for next week's video,
478
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,720
Top Of The Pork Chops,
where I count down
479
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,840
my fave five royal feasts.
480
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,080
Num-num-num-num-num!
481
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,360
Great swing, John,
a thing of beauty.
482
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:24,120
Do you want to join me
for a round of tennis?
483
00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:25,640
Say yes or I'll make you
chop your own head off.
484
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:26,960
Yeah.
Thought so.
485
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,120
Maybe lose the mask.
486
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,640
(THUD!)
Ahh!
487
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:30,920
Freaking me out.
488
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:34,320
Well, we're nearly
at the top of our top ten,
489
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,960
but number two might be
a surprise to some of you.
490
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,480
It's Christopher Columbus!
491
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:46,200
Columbus was a brave explorer
who discovered the Americas.
492
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,000
But the way he treated his crew
493
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,840
and the unfortunate locals
he found living there
494
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,120
was very naughty indeed.
495
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:57,040
It's nearly bedtime
here at YeBeebies,
496
00:21:57,040 --> 00:22:01,680
so for all of you little mariners
sailing off to Sleep Island,
497
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,560
we've got a special guest today
498
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:08,720
to tell us a bedtime story
about their real-life adventures.
499
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:12,080
Hello, boys and girls,
I am Christopher Columbus
500
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:16,280
and in 1492 I sailed the ocean blue
501
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:21,680
searching for a new trade route
between Europe and China.
502
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:26,160
But what I actually discovered
was an entire new continent -
503
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:27,880
the Americas.
504
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,440
What an adventure!
505
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,680
It was full
of exciting, vibrant people
506
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,760
that I could kidnap
and force to work for me.
507
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:36,800
Sorry, what?
508
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:41,480
And there was nothing they could do
because we were so heavily armed.
509
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,000
OK, how about we just
stick to the adventure bits?
510
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:49,120
OK. There were lots of swashbuckling
battles as we fought for our lives.
511
00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:52,680
There we go! Exciting! Charge!
512
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:56,600
The battles ended when I cut
the heads off three local people.
513
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,000
Here, let me show you how I did it.
514
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,440
OK, seriously,
515
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:03,280
I think we should stop talking
about the nasty stuff that you did
516
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,120
to those poor people
who were already living there,
517
00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:08,280
and focus on the exploring.
518
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,000
That's fine. After we finished
519
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,800
there weren't many of them left
anyway. Now, did you know
520
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:16,480
the Americas are filled with gold?
521
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,800
Treasure! That's more like it.
522
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,240
Did you have a treasure map?
523
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,760
I didn't need one, I just said
I'd kill any local person
524
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,320
over the age of 14
who didn't bring me gold.
525
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:28,800
Much easier.
OK.
526
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:32,240
I think we've had enough
of your adventures for one day.
527
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:33,880
Possibly forever.
528
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,960
You know, I think the message
of my story is,
529
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,640
when you are faced
with an impossible task,
530
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:43,280
what you really need to do
is believe in yourself.
531
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,920
Wow! That is a great message
for our children.
532
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,840
For example, I believed it was right
533
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,240
to have members
of my own crew whipped
534
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,000
for buying food
without my permission.
535
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,680
OK, OK, get out! Get out.
536
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:59,480
We're going to get complaints
about this.
537
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:03,080
Hello, Nero Claudius Caesar
Augustus Germanicus here.
538
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,920
Or Emperor Nero, for short.
539
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,960
I was Roman Emperor number five
540
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:10,680
but I was number one when it came to
playing the bagpipes.
541
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,000
I loved playing the bagpipes.
542
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,080
I didn't love my mum quite as much.
543
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:18,160
In fact, I actually tried
to have her killed. Naughty.
544
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,600
But tell me, how did I do that?
545
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,200
Did I:
546
00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:32,600
The answer is A
547
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:33,880
and also B
548
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:35,000
and also C.
549
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,800
Some people send their mum
lovely flowers,
550
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:38,400
some send her chocolates.
551
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:41,840
I sent her assassins.
I wasn't a great son.
552
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:46,280
But I'll tell you what I was
great at - playing the bagpipes.
553
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,040
And so, to lighten the mood,
554
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:50,440
I'll play you out with
this little number I prepared.
555
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,680
A one, two,
a one, two, three and...
556
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,000
Well, it's the end of the show,
557
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:59,720
and Mummus has said I can stop
sitting on the naughty step,
558
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,720
so let's celebrate
by revealing the number one
559
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,360
in my Top Ten Naughtiest People.
560
00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:07,600
Drum roll, please!
561
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,800
MUMMUS: Rattus! You are making
too much noise again!
562
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,480
Go and sit on the naughty step!
563
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,640
Oh! Unbelievable!
564
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,080
Well, at number one is not just one
565
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:20,040
but three of history's
naughtiest dads.
566
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:24,000
It's our old friend Henry making his
second appearance on the list -
567
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,640
he's that naughty -
568
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,680
along with William the Conqueror
569
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,040
and Pharaoh Ramesses II.
570
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:34,600
They're all together
and ready to rock at number one.
571
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,280
One, two, three, four!
572
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,600
# We want a crown that says
"World's Greatest Dad"
573
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,920
# Quite rightly, it's something
we've never had
574
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,360
# If you ask our children,
they'll certainly agree
575
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:48,080
# There's some great dads
out there, just not us three
576
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,480
ALL: # Da-da-da-da-dad
577
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,920
# Da-da da-dad
578
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,400
# Da-da-da-da-dad
579
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:56,840
# Da-da da-dad
580
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,920
# I was a father
581
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,440
# Who wanted a son
582
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,880
# When I had two daughters
583
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:06,560
# I dispatched their mums
584
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:09,000
# Then got a boy
585
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,440
# With wife number three
586
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,400
# Edward's my man!
587
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:15,040
# Forget Liz and Mary
588
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,640
ALL: # 'Cause being a dad ain't easy
589
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,000
# Feels like you can't do enough
590
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,880
# I disowned my daughters
and sent them away
591
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:26,560
# Maybe I was a little bit tough
592
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,040
ALL: # Da-da-da-da-dad
593
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:30,480
# Da-da da-dad
594
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,920
# Robert, my eldest
595
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:35,200
# I used to call names
596
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,880
# Fat Legs and Short Pants
597
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:40,200
# Such fun and games
598
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,760
# Then we fell out
# Da-da-da-da-dad
599
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,920
# Had a big barney
# Da-da da-dad
600
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,400
# I thought we were close
# Da-da-da-da-dad
601
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,720
# But he deserted my army
# Da-da-da-dad
602
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,320
# No, being a dad ain't easy
603
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,800
# Sometimes you just can't agree
604
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,680
# You end up at war
on opposite sides
605
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,240
# Or maybe that was just me
606
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:02,800
# Da-da-da-da-dad
607
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:03,960
# Da-da da-dad
608
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,560
# I'm just a typical
609
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:08,560
# Family guy
610
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,240
# Around 100 children
611
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,760
# By eight different wives
612
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,920
# It's hard being a dad
# Da-da-da-da-dad
613
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,600
# With eight wives in the mix
# Da-da-da-dad
614
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,000
# I thought I did well
# Da-da-da-da-dad
615
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,400
# And I only had six
# Da-da-da-dad
616
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,920
# No, being a dad ain't easy
617
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:28,320
# There's no tougher job
on the Earth
618
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:31,520
# It's really much harder
than being a mum
619
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:33,800
# If you don't count giving birth
620
00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:36,320
(SPOKEN) I really love Edward,
621
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,600
but I suppose I ought to have
paid more attention
622
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:39,880
to my eldest daughter.
623
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,520
(SPOKEN) Me and Robert at war,
such a great shame.
624
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,120
(SPOKEN) I had enough trouble
just remembering their names!
625
00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:47,320
# Being a dad ain't easy
626
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,080
# I wish we could
turn back the clock
627
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:52,880
# We may not be the greatest examples
628
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,320
# 'Cause you generally find
that dads rock
629
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:57,960
# Da-da-da-da-dad
# Dad's rock
630
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,320
# Da-da da-dad
# Dad's rock
631
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:02,960
# Da-da-da-da-dad
# Dads rock!
632
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:05,520
# Da-da da-dad
Dads rock!
633
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:06,560
Rock!
634
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:10,560
Captions by Red Bee Media
635
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:11,960
Copyright
Australian Broadcasting Corporation48538
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