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# Terrible Tudors
Gorgeous Georgians
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00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,400
# Slimy Stuarts
Vile Victorians
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00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:05,720
# Woeful Wars
Ferocious Fights
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00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:07,120
# Dingy Castles
Daring Knights
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00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:08,480
# Horrors that defy description
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00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:09,720
# Cut-throat Celts
Awful Egyptians
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00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:10,760
# Vicious Vikings
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00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:12,680
# Cruel Crimes
Punishment from ancient times
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# Romans, rotten,
rank and ruthless
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00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,360
# Cavemen, savage,
fearsome, toothless
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00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:16,760
# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
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00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,320
# Mean and measly Middle Ages
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# Gory stories, we do that
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00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:23,440
# And your host, a talking rat
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00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,200
# The past is no longer a mystery
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# Welcome to...Horrible Histories. #
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Horrible Histories
presents hair-raising holidays.
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00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:42,160
Ah, who doesn't love going
on their holibobs by the sea?
19
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,640
I adore a trip to the beach
with my family
20
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,080
and King George the Third
was the same.
21
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:52,080
He especially loved holidaying in
the British seaside town of Weymouth,
22
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:56,280
although his family were
slightly less keen on the trips.
23
00:00:56,320 --> 00:01:01,120
Oh, no. This happens every time.
My hair is not a nest.
24
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:06,840
Family on tour. So excited.
25
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,960
OK, Dad, tell us where we are.
26
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,840
Oh, well, we are in Dorset
on a royal family holiday,
27
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,040
going to the best town ever.
28
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:17,280
What could be better, girls,
than going to Weymouth?
29
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:21,320
Uh, not going to Weymouth.
That would be better.
30
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:24,800
Weymouth is more dull and stupid
than I can find words to express.
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00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,960
You're the King, Father.
We could literally go anywhere.
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00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:32,840
I know, which is why we're doing
a special surprise stop on the way.
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00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,840
It better not be a farm.
(HORSE NEIGHS)
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00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:39,840
Oh, hello, piggies.
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Isn't it great? I love farms.
Can't believe you're my sister.
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00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,000
Oh, I stepped in something. Oh!
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00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,120
Did you like the farm?
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00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,640
Now I'm bored and I smell of cows.
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00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:59,840
Right, girls, let's do a bit
of Weymouth shopping, shall we?
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00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,080
Shop till we drop.
That'll cheer you up.
41
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,880
It's 5:30 in the morning, Daddy.
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00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,520
I know, that's why I had my favourite
shop, Delamotte, opened specially.
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00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,960
He's the shopkeeper.
Loves getting up at 5am.
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00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,200
This holiday is almost as bad
as last year's.
45
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:17,840
In fact, it is as bad.
It's the same exact holiday again.
46
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,200
Although,
I guess last year's was a bit worse
47
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,680
because we had to go on a boat trip.
48
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,000
Boat trip!
49
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:26,360
Wave back.
50
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:31,360
I've got nothing left in me
to throw up.
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00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,920
It's all the excitement
of being on a boat. She's loving it.
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00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:44,880
I think it's safe to say
that was a huge success.
53
00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:48,320
Please, Father, we're so miserable.
54
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,640
Fine, I give up. Never again.
55
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,920
Really, father? Thank you.
Brush your teeth first.
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00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,440
Now we can find somewhere else
to holiday, finally.
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00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,200
Oh, no, I meant we'll never do
the boat trip again.
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00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,880
We'll definitely come back
to Weymouth.
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00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:06,400
Yay!
Weymouth is cool.
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Hello, holidaymakers!
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00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,760
Queen Victoria here,
Queen of Great Britain and Ireland,
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00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:15,960
Empress of India, and massive fan
of going on holibobs.
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00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,760
In addition to ruling
and having lots of children,
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00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,400
I did like to be beside the seaside.
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00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:24,840
I was a particularly big fan
of going wading in the sea.
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00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,960
My husband Albie even persuaded me
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00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,960
that the salty water was good
for my health.
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00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,600
But tell me, what special bit
of equipment
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00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:35,560
did I like to use
when I went to the sea?
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00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:36,600
Was it:
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00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,440
The answer was B,
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00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:55,240
a big shed on wheels called
a bathing machine like this one.
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00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,240
It would be wheeled into the sea
with me inside it,
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00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,120
so then I could get out into
the water
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without prying eyes watching me,
and splash around a bit.
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00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,560
And let me tell you,
this ride was pimped.
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00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,160
It's got a changing room in there
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00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:12,600
and curtains that go around the front
so I couldn't be seen.
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00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:17,040
And there's even a royal
working toilet inside.
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00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:21,000
I might be the queen,
but I do not royal wee in the sea,
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00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,560
unless it's an emergency.
82
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,760
Excuse me, monarch on the move.
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00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:39,520
Agatha? Agatha, that can't be you.
84
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:43,760
John, what brings you to Hawaii?
You, Agatha!
85
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,960
I publish your books,
and we're expecting another one.
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00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,360
I did not expect to find you,
Agatha Christie,
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00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,640
detective writer on a beach in a...
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00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:54,200
It's a bathing suit, John.
Whatever it is, it's not a book.
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00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:56,960
And that's what we need.
People need more Poirot.
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00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,680
I've been trying to get
a hold of you for weeks.
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00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,960
Well, you've caught me red handed.
Why are you even here?
92
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,440
Because of that
little lady over there, Jonathan.
93
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,560
I can't see anyone.
Is it Miss Marple?
94
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,200
The sea, John.
Do you know what this is?
95
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,960
Uh, an insole for a very big shoe.
96
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,240
It's a surfboard, John.
I've been learning to surf.
97
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,720
So, what are you now, a surfer?
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00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,800
Can we at least fix a typewriter
on this thing?
99
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,320
I'm still a groundbreaking
crime novelist, John.
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00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:26,600
I've just discovered a totally
epic new hobby while on my vacation.
101
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:31,280
Well, you know what would be
totally epic, Agatha? A new book.
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00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,600
I do have a new idea for a book.
Oh, great.
103
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,200
It's about a British prince...
Terrific.
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00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,960
..who gets murdered...
Intriguing.
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00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,760
..while surfing in Hawaii.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
106
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,760
People simply won't
take you seriously
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00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:47,960
if you keep telling tales
about surfing princes.
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00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,840
Edward! John,
have you met the Prince of Wales?
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00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:56,080
What in...
Hail, your wonderful majesty.
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00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:59,280
Chill, bro.
Oh, it's awesome out there, Agatha.
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00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:00,520
I just stood up on the board.
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00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,160
I think I'm the first British dude
to do it.
113
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,320
Check this out.
114
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,640
Woo, woo!
115
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:08,800
Later, bro.
116
00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:12,440
Tell me more about this royal
murder story then. How does it start?
117
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,640
Well, the prince is in the water
and there may be a shark.
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00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:16,920
It's a great first chapter.
119
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,240
No, no, no, the prince is in
the water and there may be a shark.
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00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:21,120
Your Royal Highness, watch out!
121
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:26,240
It's true!
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00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:30,840
Famous crime writer Agatha Christie
really did get hooked on surfing.
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00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,600
And her surfboard really
was called Fred.
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00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,960
When I go abroad on my hols,
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00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:41,200
as well as souvenir hunting
in their exotic bins and sewers,
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00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,120
I love a bit of sightseeing.
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00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,160
And people in the past did, too.
128
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:50,080
Alexander the Great once actually
took a break from waging a war
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00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,040
so he could go
and visit the tomb of his hero,
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00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,760
the legendary Greek warrior
Achilles.
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00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,640
Oh, they're emptying the bins.
Gotta get a snap.
132
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,200
Hail, fair Alexander.
133
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,960
Welcome to the ruins
of ancient Troy.
134
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,080
Thanks, buddy.
135
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,040
We're actually on our way to attack
the Persian Empire,
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00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:14,000
but, uh, we, uh, couldn't resist a
little holiday in Troy on the way.
137
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,920
All war and no play makes
Alexander the Great
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00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,640
a dull and yet still strangely
awesome emperor.
139
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:23,160
Well, let me be your tour guide
to this historic ruin.
140
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,280
All I ask is the honour
of your company.
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00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,200
And also a large bag of coins.
142
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,080
Right, what do you wanna see?
143
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,560
Show me the resting
place of Achilles,
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00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:35,960
the greatest of the Greek warriors
and hero of the Trojan War.
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00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:40,200
Behold the tomb of Achilles.
Oh, it's right there, bro.
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00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,000
Eee, I can't believe
I'm stood right in front
147
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,920
of the actual tomb of Achilles.
148
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:48,360
Hephaestion, look.
Yeah, I'm looking. It's great, bro.
149
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:49,920
You really like Achilles?
150
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,600
Oh, yeah. Yeah, a massive fan.
151
00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,360
I even sleep with a dagger
under my pillow, just like he did.
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00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,560
You know, I always tell Hephaestion
if I have an Achilles heel
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00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,560
it's probably how much
I love Achilles.
154
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:01,920
Yeah, he's always saying that, bro.
155
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,960
Always good to meet someone
who respects the legends of Troy.
156
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,000
Just a bit.
157
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,800
Might have to pour a load
of oil over the tomb in tribute.
158
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,640
Whoa, there he goes.
159
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,000
Probably don't need that much oil.
You know what?
160
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,880
Gonna crown it in garlands, too.
Garlands and oil.
161
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,760
Do we have to spend all day
at the tomb of Achilles, bro?
162
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:22,360
Uh, yeah. In fact,
I'm gonna run around it naked.
163
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,840
Race you, Hephaestion.
Does he do this a lot?
164
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:28,280
Yeah, you better join in.
Otherwise, he gets a bit grumpy.
165
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:30,280
Watch out for the oil.
Whoa!
166
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(THUD!)
167
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:33,880
Ha!
168
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,960
Who wants to go and look at famous
landmarks when you can look at me?
169
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:40,560
Yes, when I, the great
Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte,
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00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,040
was captured at Waterloo,
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00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:46,080
the impressive sights
the people travelled to see was me.
172
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:50,280
And I don't blame them.
I am a rather handsome chap.
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00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:53,560
Go on, treat yourself
to an imperial pleasure.
174
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:59,320
It's 1815 and thousands of people
have gathered
175
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,200
in hundreds of small boats
to catch a glimpse
176
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:05,720
of the captured French Emperor
Napoleon.
177
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,040
Welcome to Goggleboats.
178
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,080
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
179
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,920
Hello, Bonnie.
Oh, he looks smashing.
180
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,960
Totally worth travelling
all the way from Glasgow.
181
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,480
Oh, totally.
182
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,280
I do like a man in uniform?
183
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,680
Do you like a man who's been
fighting Britain
184
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,400
for the last 23 years?
185
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:27,840
If he's in uniform, yeah.
186
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:34,240
I mean, it's good, but I wish
something had actually happened.
187
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,960
Look, Napoleon took his hat off.
188
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,400
Well, that made it worth travelling
400 miles. Can we go home now?
189
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:46,840
(ALL BOO)
190
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:48,960
(ALL CHEER)
191
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,000
Yes.
Yes.
192
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,040
(ALTERNATING BOOS AND CHEERS)
193
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,960
Oh, take a bow, son. Take a bow.
194
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,240
The British, they're easily amused,
no?
195
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:08,320
Yep. There is no nation as foolish
as we are.
196
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:14,600
So, uh, is he Napoleon? He's wearing
a bicorne hat, isn't he?
197
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:15,640
With a two point?
198
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:17,280
Yeah, the three points
is a tricorne.
199
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:21,440
Do you reckon if he got one point
that makes him a unicorn?
200
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,520
(MEN SING FRENCH NATIONAL ANTHEM)
201
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:29,040
Oh, they're singing him
his national anthem.
202
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,840
Well, those aren't the words
to the national anthem.
203
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:36,880
No, Mum, they're singing him the
French national anthem in French.
204
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,280
Why?
'Cause he's... Never mind.
205
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,040
What's he doing here anyway?
206
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:42,600
He's been captured by
the Royal Navy,
207
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,160
and he's being kept here
until he gets moved to a prison
208
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,880
on a tropical island
in the middle of the Atlantic,
209
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,240
where he'll be
for the rest of his life.
210
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,840
Oh, tropical island. Oh.
211
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:55,040
If I knew that was the punishment I
would've invaded Holland years ago.
212
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,880
Ha ha!
213
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:07,040
Well, I'm not sure sitting watching
that little French fellow
214
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:10,680
waving his hat all day
really floats my holiday boat.
215
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:14,480
Oh, gusty. I've always got problems
with wind one way or the other.
216
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,880
(SQUEAKY FART)
217
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:19,320
(LAUGHS) Maybe you've been abroad
for a holiday.
218
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,200
Well, in the past,
that was something that
219
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:24,560
only very rich and powerful people
could afford to do.
220
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:30,200
In the 17th century, wealthy people
went on trips called Grand Tours.
221
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,440
I don't think you'd be getting much
rest and relaxation with this lot.
222
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,360
Every year, young lords from England
set off across Europe
223
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,840
to learn about
Greek and Roman classic history,
224
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:45,080
and they don't
always behave themselves.
225
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,480
Lords on tour!
226
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:51,760
Welcome to:
227
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,120
I'm the bear leader.
228
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,880
It's my job to ensure these young...
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) ..gentlemen
229
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:59,200
have a educational
and enriching time.
230
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,000
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Give us a kiss, bear leader!
231
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,000
Please put that back.
That is a priceless artefact.
232
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,080
(CRASH!)
233
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,240
(ALL LAUGH)
Oh, it was so old.
234
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:11,160
Made a bit of a mess. Priceless!
We're having a smashing time.
235
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,480
The tour is a cultural experience
for the young lords.
236
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:20,080
James Cecil,
sixth Earl of Salisbury,
237
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,400
King's cousin and wealthiest man
in Shropshire.
238
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,880
And I'm here to explore
239
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:27,200
the philosophies
and sights of the ancient past.
240
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,200
And...to party!
241
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,240
No, no, no!
I'll be careful.
242
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,160
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm having the time of my life.
243
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,240
We're going to the beach.
244
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:42,080
I've spent so much money.
3,000 pounds. Is that a lot?
245
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,960
The whole point of
the Grand Tour is like,
246
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,560
it's a kind of finishing school
for landed gentry.
247
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:49,680
You know what I'm saying?
248
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,160
We get to see all the places
we studied in real life,
249
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:57,960
like Florence, Constantinople,
Rome, the... (BURPS) ..Balkans.
250
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:03,240
Yeah, we started in the Alps,
climbing. It's actually quite tough.
251
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,560
No, no, no, not for me.
252
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,760
I got one of the locals
to carry me up in a chair.
253
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,080
(ALL LAUGH)
254
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:11,640
Some people get very upset
with the young lords' behaviour.
255
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,520
No, no, no.
256
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,360
The folly of British boys
has gained us
257
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,800
the title Golden Asses
all over Italy.
258
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:25,920
Next week the tour moves to Athens,
where the boys study Pythagoras,
259
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,200
and Lord Cecil is sick on
the Parthenon.
260
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:38,560
Yo, yo, yo,
it's your boy Ibn Battuta here,
261
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,320
international traveller
extraordinaire.
262
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,160
Follow me as I go on the Haj.
263
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:48,720
That's an Islamic holy pilgrimage
to Saudi Arabia.
264
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:51,280
Next stop, Mecca. Boy!
265
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:59,320
Yo! I'm in India. Whoa!
I did go to Mecca.
266
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,480
But then I love travelling so much,
I just kept on going.
267
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:02,760
Oh, and guess what?
268
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:06,720
The Sultan of India's only hired me
as his ambassador.
269
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,600
Best holiday ever!
270
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:13,920
The Sultan of India is sending me
to China. I can't wait.
271
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,080
Bandits are coming!
Run for your life!
272
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:18,800
Hey?
273
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,160
VOICEOVER:
274
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,960
I'm in a ditch, hiding from
the bandits. Worst holiday ever!
275
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,960
BANDIT: He's hiding in the ditch.
276
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,000
Probably shouldn't have shouted that
out. (WHISPERS) Worst holiday ever.
277
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,320
It's your boy Battuta here.
278
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,520
The bandits are keeping me prisoner
in a cave.
279
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,960
As caves go, it's a nice one,
but, uh!
280
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,880
I'm OK...I think.
281
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,760
A villager freed me. Yay!
282
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,840
All I had to do was give him
all my clothes.
283
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:48,880
But he let me keep my trousers.
284
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:52,280
From now on, they are
officially my lucky trousers.
285
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:56,120
Yeah! Now onward to China.
Yeah, boy.
286
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:03,640
So on the way to China,
I stopped off at Ceylon. Say what?
287
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:07,480
Nothing but blue skies ahead
for your boy, Battuta.
288
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,320
Best holiday ever.
289
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,160
(THUNDER CRACKS)
290
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,760
I'm sure that'll blow over.
291
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,920
My ship got caught in a storm.
292
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,440
The others made a raft,
293
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,880
but they said there was
no room for your boy, Battuta.
294
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:25,160
So, you know, here I am
on a sinking ship.
295
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,560
Worst holiday ever.
296
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:39,440
Rescued!
A new ship and new friends.
297
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:43,120
Battuta's luck's in, boy.
Best holiday ev-
298
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,120
SHIPMATE: Pirates are coming.
Run for your lives.
299
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:46,640
Oh, come on!
300
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:53,200
The ship was robbed by pirates
and my clothes were stolen, again.
301
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:58,080
But it's not all doom and gloom.
I still got my lucky trousers!
302
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:06,040
And I have travelled 75,000 miles,
so actually best holiday ever.
303
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,280
Ever, ever.
304
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:12,520
Ah, what are we gonna do this summer?
Oh, probably nothing again.
305
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,440
Not if I have anything
to do with it.
306
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:15,480
Who are you?
307
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:20,760
Hi, I'm Thomas Cook, and I'm gonna
give you the trip of a lifetime.
308
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,480
Oh.
Oh, she's gone.
309
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,400
VOICEOVER:
310
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,400
In the first holiday of its kind,
311
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,600
I'm packaging together an incredible
trip for the whole family,
312
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,000
all the way
from Leicester to Loughborough.
313
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,120
Wait, did you say Loughborough?
314
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,600
Oh, Loughborough!
315
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,160
Uh, yeah.
316
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,160
That's only 11 miles away.
That's right.
317
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:48,240
A whole 11 miles
of luxury train travel.
318
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:49,800
Oh!
Whoa, whoa. Steady, mate.
319
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:51,960
Are we going first class?
Well...
320
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,920
Second class?
321
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:57,800
One carriage of holidaymakers
will be going second class,
322
00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,520
the other nine
will be going third class.
323
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,680
Your very own seat on a train.
324
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,200
Probably.
325
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:09,600
And this trip is all inclusive, with
food provided at our destination.
326
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:12,520
Well, that actually sounds
quite good. What are we having?
327
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:16,680
A cup of tea and a ham sandwich.
328
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:17,960
So much for luxury.
329
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,560
We'll be giving out
free flags to wave,
330
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:25,880
and there'll be a band playing
to welcome you on your arrival.
331
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,880
It's a dream getaway.
332
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:32,720
It's a third-class train ticket,
a ham sandwich, and a cheap flag.
333
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,320
It doesn't really sound like
a holiday.
334
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:37,760
Look, there are no other package
holidays. This is the first one.
335
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,280
So it's literally just this
or stay at home.
336
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,280
Sign me up.
Yeah, me too.
337
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,880
Ah, thanks, guys.
Thomas Cook Holidays.
338
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,560
Where will your
next adventure take you?
339
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,080
To be honest, it's probably gonna be
Loughborough again next year, but...
340
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,160
When I'm on holiday, I love a treat.
341
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,440
That might be a trip
to something like a theme park
342
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:03,000
or eating something tasty.
343
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,520
Hello, you! Nice candy floss!
344
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:08,000
And in my book,
the bigger the better.
345
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,880
In Victorian times, though,
346
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:14,480
they had teeny tiny servings
of ice cream called penny licks.
347
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,440
Mmm. Ugh, I dropped
my candy floss in the bin.
348
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:18,880
(GASPS) I'll go and get it.
349
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:24,600
Oh, bonus, I love toppings. Mm-hm.
350
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,960
Just when you thought the British
summertime couldn't get any better.
351
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,680
Oh, look over there.
It's the ice-cream cart.
352
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,960
Yes, it's everyone's favourite
Victorian summer treat,
353
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,040
the penny lick.
354
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,520
The refreshing instant snack
that you can share with friends.
355
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,320
One penny lick, please.
356
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:46,600
Our taste sensations include
lemon, strawberry, vanilla,
357
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,640
and the saliva and germs
of whoever had the glass last.
358
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,000
Flavour?
359
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,640
Uh, uh, vanilla
without the saliva and germs.
360
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,760
They ain't optional.
Right.
361
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,880
And how much is a penny lick?
362
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,080
Are you trying to be funny?
363
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,560
The penny lick costs
you just one penny...
364
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,480
Well, yes, I suppose that is cheap.
365
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,400
..and a fairly high risk
of infection.
366
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:07,880
You do wash these glasses,
don't you?
367
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:08,960
Sometimes.
368
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:14,120
I mean, if it's been properly
licked clean, there's no need.
369
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,840
Beautifully licked clean.
You could eat your dinner off that.
370
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,320
I love them because the cold
gives me relief
371
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:23,600
from the sores around my mouth.
372
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:24,800
Ah.
373
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,160
Pick a penny lick.
They're quick. They're thick.
374
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,680
And there's a chance
they won't make you sick.
375
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,080
One penny lick, please.
And have one yourself.
376
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,120
You're joking, ain't ya?
377
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,480
I'm not eating that.
378
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,080
(SNIFFS)
379
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:45,560
Madam, I present the most
thrilling new experience in Paris.
380
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,880
The first of its kind
in the whole world.
381
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,200
But it's just a wooden cart
and a tiny train track.
382
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:54,120
It is so much more than that.
I'm sure that's fine.
383
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,920
In years to come,
people will travel the world
384
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,680
and queue all day just to ride
one of these.
385
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,600
We call it Les Montagnes Russes.
386
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,160
Bonne chance.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
387
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,920
After those huge ice slides
that look like little mountains?
388
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,040
Precisely.
389
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:13,240
Of course, we don't have
much ice here in Paris.
390
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,760
That is why we use the tracks.
391
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:18,240
So we are just in a box hurtling
down a hill, very, very fast.
392
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,280
Oui! Isn't it exciting.
393
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,760
Shouldn't we wear some kind
of safety strap
394
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,840
to keep us from flying out
if it stops suddenly?
395
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,960
That sounds like a great idea,
but it's a bit late right now.
396
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,680
I'm sure the tracks will keep us
going in the right direction.
397
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,760
What happens if the wheels come off?
I guess we're about to find out.
398
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,600
Oh, the exhilaration, the danger.
It is so much fun.
399
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:48,120
Woohoo!
Why would anyone find danger fun?
400
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:52,520
I don't know, Madame, but the more
danger people have on this ride,
401
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,320
the more popular it becomes.
402
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:58,040
I would like to get off now.
I am going to be sick.
403
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:03,560
I'm afraid there is no way to stop
the ride until we get to the bottom.
404
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:04,640
Wow.
405
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:07,080
Yeah.
406
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,480
That's if we do stop at the bottom.
407
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,800
Just because the track stops
doesn't mean we will.
408
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,840
Hehe. Woo!
Scream if you want to go faster.
409
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:19,880
Ah!
410
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,360
Let's go again.
I am going home.
411
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,640
Oh.
412
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:32,040
So you go on roller coasters
and eat ice creams on your holidays.
413
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:35,360
I've got no idea what
roller coasters and ice creams are.
414
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:36,720
Or holidays.
415
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,240
In medieval times,
we don't have anything like that.
416
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,080
Well, not exactly anyway.
417
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:44,600
More, a bit more, a bit more.
I'm trying to do it safely.
418
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,520
Oh! Ow!
419
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:51,280
We're just building a medieval
church. It's hard work, innit, Dave?
420
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,640
Yeah, I'm shattered.
A bit like my foot.
421
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,440
(WHIMPERS)
422
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,480
But luckily building
medieval churches
423
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,880
does mean you get
a bit of time off now and again.
424
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,400
But can you tell me why?
425
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:03,440
Is it because:
426
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:14,680
..and pretend it's the end
of the day.
427
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,360
The answer is B,
we get some holy days off.
428
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,120
In fact, that's where your word
holidays comes from.
429
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,600
Our holy days.
Yeah.
430
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,800
Where are you going for
your holy feast tomorrow, Ted?
431
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,040
Church. Same as everyone else.
432
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:29,880
Well, we better finish building it,
then.
433
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,160
Ah!
You alright?
434
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:42,040
Hey! Holiday time! I can't believe
I am going to my first thesmophoria.
435
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,480
It's going to be lovely.
436
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:49,040
The girls only festival right here
in ancient Athens,
437
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,600
celebrating the fertility
goddess Demeter.
438
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:52,640
Whoo!
439
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,040
You are an absolute
bottom-faced poop-for-brains
440
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:56,480
for having not gone before.
441
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,160
That's actually quite hurtful.
442
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,200
Oh, no, babes, that's the
pre-party bit of thesmophoria
443
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:02,880
where we all insult each other.
444
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,280
You hairy smellbag.
445
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:09,720
You have a butt like the Parthenon.
Because it's big, old and smelly.
446
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:11,440
Yay! Great thesmophoria.
447
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,480
(BOTH CHEER)
448
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:18,520
Hi, guys. Olivia, you look amazing.
449
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,760
She knows about the pigcuts, right?
What?
450
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:27,200
We sacrifice piglets, and then
we mix their guts with dough.
451
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,240
Hit the link for more easy,
breezy guts and dough recipes.
452
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,320
And then we throw them
all into a big pit.
453
00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:33,560
ALL: Yay!
454
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,840
One woman gets chosen
to be something called the bailer,
455
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,440
and they have to kind of go into
the pit and scooch around
456
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,040
in all of the pig gut mush,
457
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:43,720
and then they scoop it all up
and spread it on the altar.
458
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,080
Congratulations.
459
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,960
We thought it'd be cool
if you were the bailer this year.
460
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,840
You're so lucky, Olympia.
Hashtag blessed.
461
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:56,240
Can you believe you got to be bailer
at your first thesmophoria?
462
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:57,400
Honestly can't.
463
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,160
Thesmophoria gift time.
464
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,760
(SQUEALS LIKE A PIG)
465
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,760
Click below to buy our very own
terracotta piggy collection.
466
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,040
Perfect for you and your friends.
467
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,520
You know, sometimes you
just give each other the gifts
468
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,320
instead of bothering
with all the bailer
469
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:12,000
and somebody snooping around
and all the pig mush stuff.
470
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:16,040
Wait, what? So the gunk smooshing,
that was all optional?
471
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:19,800
You butt-brained, boneheaded
baboon-bottomed bores.
472
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:20,840
Awkward.
473
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:24,160
Actually, the insults
are at the start of the festival.
474
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,720
That was actually quite hurtful.
475
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,280
Quick, don't forget to like
and subscribe.
476
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:34,200
Pig guts? Now that sounds like
my kind of festival.
477
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,920
Is it all you can eat?
478
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:40,160
(STOMACH RUMBLES)
That's made me hungry now.
479
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:43,640
Still, nothing beats
my favourite kind of holiday.
480
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,560
I do like to be beside the seaside,
481
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:48,840
and we've got Queen Victoria
to thank
482
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,280
for helping make seaside holidays
popular.
483
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,560
But it was people like holiday camp
pioneer Billy Butlin,
484
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,040
who really changed things.
485
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:58,080
Thanks to him,
486
00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:03,360
seaside breaks became more affordable
for everyone from queens to rats.
487
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,480
Happy holidays.
488
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:10,080
Yeah!
489
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:11,200
Ah!
490
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,640
# Oh, no
491
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:16,840
# The beach was not traditionally
where one would go
492
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,800
# And here in Bognor
Yeah, this water's so cold
493
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:24,680
# But doctors said it helps
to make your gout go
494
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:25,720
# Gout go
495
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:31,320
# It's cool to be by the sea now
It's cool to be by the sea
496
00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:35,480
# I like to be by the sea
And to take all my family
497
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:36,880
# I change in a bathing machine
498
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,400
# I see the sea
But it can't see me
499
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:43,280
# Even a royal empress needs
a staycation by the sea
500
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:49,000
# I'm promenading
while the kids are bucket and spading
501
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:50,040
# Oh, yeah
502
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,080
# In the sea
We're paddling and wading
503
00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:55,720
# Nah nah nah
504
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:59,400
# Break by the ocean
Break by the ocean
505
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,560
# Donkey rides, baby. #
(DONKEY BRAYS)
506
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,880
# Or building a sandcastle, maybe
Oh, yeah
507
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:09,240
# Watch a Punch and Judy show daily
508
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,520
# Nah nah nah
509
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:19,400
# Break by the ocean
Break by the ocean
510
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:24,840
# Seaside factory workers sure
like to be B-side
511
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,280
# I thought for their week off
512
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:31,720
# I could provide
a holiday with entertainment
513
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,520
# Supplied, supplied
514
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:39,960
# Holiday camp by the sea
My holiday camp by the sea
515
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,960
# I called it Butlins
'cause I named it after me
516
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:47,200
# I'll do everything I can
to make my campers all happy
517
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:51,960
# Catering for all their needs,
obviously for a fee
518
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:57,520
# Candy floss, baby
or a knobbly knee contests, maybe
519
00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:58,560
# Oh, yeah
520
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,680
# Grandparents, mums, dads,
and their babies
521
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:08,240
# Everyone has fun by the ocean
Break by the ocean
522
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:12,240
# It's cool to be by the sea now
# It's cool to be by the sea
523
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:16,320
# Yeah, yeah, when we came along,
it became a cool place to be
524
00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:20,080
# It's cool to be by the sea
And it's all thanks to him and me
525
00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:23,840
# Break by the ocean
Break by the ocean. #
526
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,520
Shall we all go and get
fish and chips?
527
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:28,920
ALL: Yeah!
528
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,800
# Candy floss, baby. #
529
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,000
Should we all go
and get fish and chi-
530
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:39,240
(ALL LAUGH)
531
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,280
Captions by Red Bee Media
532
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,320
Copyright Australian
Broadcasting Corporation
533
00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:46,160
# The past is no longer a mystery
534
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:51,240
# Hope you enjoyed...
Horrible Histories. #42760
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