Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) You may not be on the cutting edge

of fashion.

Oh, I'm so glad you admitted that.

I can totally help you.

Thank you.

But what I meant is, why are you

wearing four watches?

Oh, they help me keep my story straight

with my boyfriend, Kevin.

See, this one's on L.A. time, because

that's where he thinks I live.

New York time, because that's where he lives.

Paris time, because that's where I am today.

And this one's, well, this one's broken.

I just wear it because it's cute.

Well, I'm used to being in the dark.

How's everybody else doing?

Maybe I can help you.

See, Linda met this guy, Kevin, here in

New York.

But in order to make things more exciting,

she told him that she was from California.

So now they have a long-distance relationship,

even though they both live in the same

city.

But why don't they...

Just because I can say it doesn't mean

I understand it.

So, uh, where does Paris come in?

Oh, I'm a commodities broker, and my company

sent me there for a conference.

Uh-uh.

So how's the weather there?

A little chilly this time of year.

No, I meant in the fantasy land you're

living in.

Why would you pretend to be living apart

from someone you want to be with?

Because it's romantic.

Every time I fly in, Kevin picks me

up in a limousine and takes me to

a hotel for a few days of champagne,

room service, and hotel sex.

I love room service.

You know, and the other stuff, too.

All right, well, if being apart from this

guy is so hot, why don't you just

break up with him?

Oh, we're not that serious yet.

Jack, you of all people should understand romance.

You met a woman and married her three

hours later.

No, no, that wasn't romance.

That was a lucky man who met an

easy woman.

Well, I think it's brilliant.

Haven't you been through that, where the more

you see someone, the less you want to?

Hey, everybody.

Case in point.

Oh, isn't this nice?

Yeah, weekday morning, my entire staff is here

enjoying a relaxing brunch.

It was relaxing until a second ago.

Linda, let's go.

Oh, honey, my neck is killing me.

I must have slept funny.

Oh, so that's when you're funny.

You should see the chiropractor I made up

in L.A. Dr. Tom, he's the best.

All the stars go to him.

Why don't you give him a call, see

if he's hiring?

Coffee's all around.

Wait a minute, you two are leaving, right?

Yes.

Okay, coffee's all around.

Whoa, big spender.

Look at that.

Three whole coffees?

What happened?

Did your last baby tooth fall out?

No, not yet, but anyway, check this out.

This guy in New Jersey found out his

great-grandfather was an Iroquois Indian.

Now he's getting a huge reparation check from

the government.

What's that got to do with you?

I'm on 64 Cherokee.

You sure you're big enough to have 64

parts?

Hey, don't mock.

My great-great-grandmother married a member of

the Cherokee tribe.

He was a famous warrior.

I even have the bullet he took in

the buttocks.

It's been passed down in my family for

generations.

Wait, he got shot in the ass?

That means he was running away from the

battle.

To warn people how dangerous it was on

the front lines.

Anyway, all I have to do is apply

for tribal membership and then I can cash

in.

Oh, please.

It's just a scam to get out of

work.

Scam?

Another false accusation.

This is just the kind of treatment we

Indians have been subjected to for centuries.

Don't you people prefer to be called Native

Americans?

Yes.

I apologize for being insensitive.

To myself.

Hey, Chief Running Tab.

Aren't you going to cover the round of

coffees here that you bought for everyone?

You already took our land, pride, and heritage.

You can't buy me a cup of coffee?

Hey, Kevin.

I can't wait to see you either.

Well, my plane's just about to take off,

so...

Fogged in?

We called the airline and found out Paris

is fogged in.

Wow, it is fogged in.

No wonder I can't see my croissant.

Oh, here we go.

Back to the gate.

I'll get back to New York as soon

as I can.

Can't wait.

Damn weather's screwing up my system.

I wonder how long it's going to take

for this fog to lift.

I've been waiting since the day I met

you.

Hey, Margaret, listen to this.

I'm walking down the street.

And some busybody comes to me and says,

you know, smile.

So I tell her to shut up and

get a nose job.

Which, ironically, did make me smile.

John, Mr. Stoller's waiting for you in your

office.

Stoller's here?

Where the hell has he been all this

time?

I don't know.

He had his kidney stones out over six

months ago.

He was supposed to come in for a

checkup.

Why didn't he come in?

I don't know.

Well, we've been calling him.

Why didn't he call us back?

I don't know.

The guy with the answers is sitting in

your office.

What are you asking me for?

I don't know.

Hey.

Oh, hi, Dr. Becker.

Yeah, where the hell have you been?

I've been worried about you.

Thanks, but I feel fine.

Yeah, but you were supposed to check in

with me a couple months ago.

I'm sorry about that.

I guess I've been putting this off.

Putting what off?

Sit down.

Oh, um, okay.

Well, as you know, it's been a difficult

year.

First, my mother passed away, and then my

dad.

Then, of course, I got sick, and I've

kind of been struggling to find something to

make sense of it all.

And I finally have.

Oh, good.

Well, I'm happy for you.

It's, um, Christian science.

Yeah, huh?

I'm not gonna be your patient anymore.

Yeah, yeah.

Look, you can do anything you want.

Just keep taking the medication I prescribe.

You are doing that, aren't you?

No.

I don't understand.

I'm putting my faith in God to heal

me.

Yeah, look, look.

This is not something you can fool around

with, Mr. Stoller.

You know, if you don't take those pills,

your kidneys could fail.

You could be on dialysis for the rest

of your life, which, trust me, is not

as much fun as it sounds.

All I know is I found all the

answers I need in Christian science.

No, I found all the answers you need

at Harvard Medical School.

What the hell happened?

You know, I always thought you were a

bright guy.

Well, I did go to Yale.

Still, you should know better.

I knew you were gonna react this way.

This is why I didn't want to come

in here.

You're gonna behave like an idiot.

What the hell do you expect?

Actually, you know what?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

There's no need for me to get upset

like this.

There's an easy way to solve this.

I'll just take some blood.

I'll run some tests.

And when you see how high your uric

acid levels are, you will thank God that

he sent you to me.

That won't be necessary.

What's the matter?

Afraid of what we're gonna find out?

No, I think it's a waste of time.

I've never felt better.

I think that what I'm doing is working.

Wouldn't you want to be sure?

Okay.

Okay.

Take my blood.

Take my blood.

But I'm only doing it for you.

My cup runneth over.

Ow!

Uh, right in here.

It'll be right there.

Are you all right?

No, I just slept on my neck wrong.

It's killing me.

If you like, I'll pray for you.

Oh, goody.

Guess who just discovered the Lord as his

savior.

Well, I'm gonna rule you out.

Yeah, Mr. Stoller.

You know, suddenly, as a Christian scientist, he

doesn't need medical treatment.

You know whose fault it is?

It's the damn drug companies.

Charge so much for the pills that people

take the cheap way out and turn to

God.

Oh, please, John.

Are you so closed off that you can't

understand someone searching for spiritual answers?

I'm not closed off.

I just don't want to hear about it.

But miracles do happen.

There have been cases where someone was just...

Oh, fine, fine, Margaret.

Let's just throw medicine out.

You know, bring on the tea leaves and

the magic beans.

I mean, hell, you know, my grandmother used

to swear you could cure a sore throat

by tying a red scarf around your neck.

Why red?

Maybe it went with her bag.

I don't know.

What difference does it make?

It's just as crazy as what Stoler's doing.

I tell you, my neck is killing me.

Why don't you take something?

No, no, no, no, absolutely not.

No, no, Mr. Stoler is going to heal

my neck through the power of prayer.

Well, if I was going to ask God

for help, I certainly wouldn't be dragging your

name into it.

Oh, shut up.

Oh.

Neck still bothering you?

Yeah.

You know, I read this article about reflexology,

and I think it might help you.

It was in this week's People.

Oh, right, right, People.

You know, that was the first thing they

made us read at med school, you know?

They'd start off with what to put in

your waiting room, and then they'd work backwards

until you got to actual medicine.

Fine, be in pain.

It's more fun for the rest of us.

Good news.

I got my application into the tribe.

When my story checks out, well, let's just

say my days of working at the super

are over.

So you're going to stop hiding from your

tenants in the basement or ducking into stairwells

when one of us walks down the hallway?

Trust me, that's more stressful than the work.

Coffee to go, please.

You know, Bob, you still owe me for

that round of coffees yesterday.

And you owe me for the slaughtering of

our people and the theft of our land.

I was out of town that weekend.

That's still three bucks for the coffee.

Ah, yeah, good, Linda.

Do you know if the test results on

Mr. Stoller came in yet?

Okay, I'm kind of on a break right

now.

Yeah, well, I was thinking maybe you were

working when the results did come in.

If I was working when they came in,

wouldn't I have been too busy to notice?

You know, when I'm losing a battle of

wits to you, it's time to go.

I'll see you guys later.

I'm going to go to some hospital in

Long Island City to check on a patient.

I have no idea where it is.

I'll go with you.

My people make excellent guides.

So, tell me everything.

Did you meet Kevin at the airport?

Was it really romantic?

Don't I wish.

Paris is fogged in, and I'm stuck there.

At this rate, I'll never get to see

him.

You know, there's this new thing that could

get you to New York in minutes.

Really?

What?

The truth.

Hop in a cab, drive the three miles

to Kevin's place, and tell him that you

live here.

Are you out of your mind?

I love Kevin way too much to tell

him the truth.

Linda, you're not stuck.

I can get you to New York by

tonight.

You just fly out of a city that's

not fogged in.

You get to the Paris train station, hop

on the Eurostar to London, grab a bus

to Heathrow, and catch British Air Flight 177

to JFK.

Wow, that sounds great.

So, will you be needing a rental car

when you arrive at your destination?

Uh, I used to be a travel agent.

Hear that?

Chris could get me to New York by

tonight.

I could get you to Bellevue in half

an hour.

I'm sorry.

Have they faxed over Mr. Stoller's test results

yet?

Not yet.

What the hell's the matter with those people?

Didn't you tell them there's a rush on

this?

John, do you really think standing here barking

at me is gonna make that fax get

here any quicker?

Oh, shut up.

See, that's what I like about science.

You can't argue with cold, hard facts.

Right is right.

Well, this is wrong.

It says his uric acid levels have improved.

You think maybe God had something to do

with that?

Yeah, my money's on slow Lenny at the

lab.

Lenny is not slow.

The man wears a helmet.

He rides a bike to work.

But he doesn't take the helmet off once

he gets there.

Look, there's no way Stoller's improving.

I want you to call the lab, tell

them I want them to redo this test.

I want to see some bad results.

You want your patient to get worse?

It's for his own good.

How can you be so sure that Mr.

Stoller's prayers aren't working?

Because it's impossible.

Besides, he's praying for my neck, right?

It's not getting any better.

Watch this.

Ouch!

See, it's killing me.

It's even getting worse.

Take that, Jesus!

What the hell?

All right, this book makes no sense.

Maybe this will help.

Sesame seeds.

Oh, yeah, much better, thank you.

Jake, I'm taking a Wall Street Journal.

I gotta keep up with the market, you

know, so I'll know where to invest all

that money I'm gonna be getting from the

government.

I'm also taking a copy of Penthouse, because,

well, you know.

Hey, what's that smell?

Did you get a new jacket?

Yeah, and it's veal leather.

Cowhide is the fabric of my people.

Chris, do me a favor.

Warn me if he comes in wearing a

loincloth.

So, Linda, only a few more hours and

you'll be with Kevin.

Unfortunately not.

I just found out Kevin has to fly

to Chicago on business at 5 o'clock.

I'll never make it here in time.

That's what you get for playing this stupid

game with him.

It's true.

The great spirit is not pleased.

Well, I'm not gonna let you give up.

There's a daily flight on the Concorde that'll

get you to New York in four hours.

Oh, my God, I've always wanted to fly

on the Concorde.

This is a dream come true.

You know, I got some extra money coming

in.

Maybe I'll take that trip.

Bob, that makes absolutely no sense.

I'm coming in from London.

You're already here.

Dr. Recker, I just want to let you

know that when I was at the diner,

I was on a break.

But now that I'm here, I'm 100%

back to work.

Oh, great.

Look, have they faxed over Mr. Stoller's lab

results?

We have a fax machine?

Get out of here, will you two?

Yeah, Mr. Stoller's here, and the lab just

faxed over his results.

Oh, great.

Crap.

I know, I read it.

Mr. Stoller's fine.

Mr. Stoller's fine.

Just lead me along, will you?

You can go right in.

Hi, Dr. Recker.

How's your neck?

Feels like God's sitting on it.

Sorry.

I'll pray harder.

Did you get my test results?

Yeah.

You have no idea how much this pains

me to say this, but you're fine.

Your uric acid levels are normal.

See?

I don't need those pills.

Yes, you do.

Look, just because this report says your condition

is improving doesn't mean you're out of the

woods.

You know, it could be a fluke, a

change in your diet, some kind of aberration.

This is no aberration.

This test confirms everything I believe.

No, it doesn't confirm anything.

See, damn it, this is what pisses me

off.

People find religion, and they think they have

all the answers.

Don't doctors think they have all the answers?

I do have all the answers.

Look, pray all you want.

Just take the medicine.

No, I don't need it.

This is making me insane.

It's like watching you walk into four lanes

of traffic.

And please don't tell me the Lord is

your crossing guard.

I'm not asking you to believe this.

I'm just asking you to accept that I

do.

But what if you're wrong?

What if I'm right?

What if you're wrong?

Dr. Becker, it's not just about getting physically

better.

It's about connecting with the spirit inside myself

and allowing that to heal me.

But what if you're wrong?

I knew you wouldn't understand.

Christian science...

I don't want to hear that.

Look, I am a doctor.

I only believe in what I can see

in black and white.

Here you go.

Are you going to get that?

I can't.

It could be Kevin.

If I answer the phone, he'll know I'm

not really on the plane.

Besides, at the moment, I'm watching the In

Flight movie.

Linda, I don't get it.

If it's so hot to be in a

long-distance relationship, why don't you actually date

someone who really lives 3,000 miles away?

I don't know.

Seems like a lot of work.

Linda, what are you doing here?

The Concorde landed two hours ago.

No, it didn't.

I'm meeting Kevin at 3.

It's only 2.

No, no, no, it's not.

It's 5 o'clock.

I think I know what time it is.

I've got four watches.

Oh, my God, I must have looked at

the wrong watch.

It's 5 o'clock.

Yes, which means Kevin just left for Chicago.

Oh, I can't believe I missed him.

I can't take this pressure.

I give up.

No, no, no, I am not letting you.

This is the most romantic thing that's ever

happened around here, and I didn't help you

travel this far just to get nowhere.

Actually, you did.

I got it.

I got it.

Just get on a plane and go to

Chicago.

There's a shuttle every hour.

That's crazy.

I can't tell Kevin I'm in Chicago.

What if he wants me to come over?

Linda, I mean, get on a plane and

go to Chicago for real.

Oh, my God, I'm going to Chicago!

Hey, it's chilly there.

Make sure you zip up your straitjacket.

Dr. Becker, I'm going to Chicago.

I might be a little late on Monday.

It's Wednesday.

I know.

I don't believe this moronic patient I've got.

You ever had to watch somebody do something

you know is gonna kill them, but they're

too stupid to listen to the facts?

You're kidding, right?

Hey, Jake.

Hey, Bob.

Hey, that smell.

Is that your old leather jacket?

Yeah, had to bring the new one back.

What happened to the reparations?

Not quite the windfall you were banking on?

Hardly.

I got a letter of apology, a college

scholarship, and I can stay on any reservation

without a reservation.

So you didn't get any money at all?

Not one red cent.

Again, I apologize for being insensitive.

To myself.

Looks like you're up a creek without a

paddle, but hey, you're an Indian.

You'll make do.

Once again, a Native American gets shot in

the ass by the white man.

You people have no idea what it's like

to be discriminated against.

Yeah, I'm a blind black man.

I just sail through life.

Here's Mrs. Luton's X-ray.

You were right.

Looks like there's a hairline fracture in her...

Hold it, hold it.

I'm calling Stoler's wife.

If I can't reason with him, maybe I

can get through to her.

The man needs help.

Oh, John.

Mr. Stoler's already getting help.

You just don't like the doctor he chose.

Oh.

So God's a doctor now?

I mean, is there anything he can't do?

Well, hold on.

The machine's answering.

I'm gonna leave a scary message.

Yeah, listen.

Now, what are you doing?

John, please don't do this.

You're gonna make an ass of yourself.

So what?

I do it all the time.

John, you can't deny that what he's doing

seems to be working.

He's not doing anything.

Spiritually, he is.

Oh, yeah, let me ask you something, Margaret.

What's the good of being spiritually whole if

you're physically dead?

John, we don't know why people get sick,

and we don't always know why they get

better.

I'm just trying to do everything I can.

You already have.

Uh, by the way, I'm glad to see

that your neck is better.

Well, it's not.

It hurts like hell.

Okay, but it just seems to me that

you are moving around more easily.

Well, I'm not.

All right.

Look.

No.