Original subtitles

Cheers.

Cheers.

To being back in my high school theater for the first time since�

- So many years ago. - Yeah.

I think for me� Well, cheers.

Just regular soda.

I know. Isn't it amazing how it can be so lively on this stage?

So much flavor.

No, I think the last time I was here was�

Well, 2001 was the last� No, 2000, I think.

- 'Cause-- Oh, no� - What show was it?

Once on This Island.

- Oh, okay. - The show that had�

Remember, it was a show that's mostly African American cast,

but here in Shoreline, Washington, we had one Black gal and one Filipino kid.

- And the rest was white, so� - Oh, okay.

You know, speaking of being back at Shorecrest,

I might have something

to just kind of bring more of the mood of Shorecrest back.

Hey, Jack.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Okay.

- Wow. Taking over already. - Let's�

- Yes. - Classic Mom.

Yeah.

It's called The Adam Ray Show,

and yet it's turned into Mom's prop closet.

You didn't expect anything less, did you?

Whoa.

- Okay. - Wow.

Whoa.

The letterman jacket, old 33.

Babe, let me know if you wanna wear it home.

Yeah. Yeah.

It gets pretty serious if you're wearing his letterman jacket.

- Wow. All right, we'll give the full tour. - And�

Okay. Well, you gotta put it on.

- Jesus. - Yeah.

I'm sorry, but you have to.

Okay.

Okay.

- Wow. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Wow.

Yeah. And it� It�

Will you sit down while you do that while you're in the shot?

Cool.

It fits!

- I would hope so. We got, like, XXX. - I mean, I�

- Yeah, well, you know� - So take them through�

You were playing football then until�

- Well, no. So I got� - �basketball.

Basketball, drama, and then I forget what the two lines were for.

- Two years of basketball. - There it is. There it is.

And it would've had a football,

but you couldn't miss playing Danny Zuko in Grease.

Let's tell them the story. That's a great segue

into one of the reasons why we chose to do it here.

We could've done this episode at you and George's house,

or, I don't know,

the 7-Eleven that I lived next to� that we lived next to.

Or elementary school.

But that would've felt weird to go back to the elementary school.

Or at Albertsons.

- Could've done Albertsons. - Grocery store where you stole beer.

I wasn't gonna say where I worked. But we can talk about my felon days.

Yeah.

But I was playing football sophomore year of high school,

or about to go into sophomore year, and I was gonna be named captain,

and I was gonna start varsity because, I dunno if you remember,

a kid named Robbie Knowles, shout out, was injured, so they were gonna�

Coach Tacon told me I was gonna start varsity as a sophomore.

So a lot of expectations, a lot of pressure.

And I thought you were gonna go, like, even both ways.

- Defense and offense. - Sexually?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, yeah. Oh�

- Cute. Cute. - Both, yeah. Defense and offense.

And then� Yes, I was.

And then the play.

Brad Reid, who directed and choreographed

and built the costumes for all the plays while I was here.

A dear friend of yours during that time

hit me up and said, "We're gonna do Grease in the fall,

and I think you'd be a great Danny Zuko."

- Yeah. - "I hope you're auditioning."

Just a moment.

Oh�

What was� What was the Wizard of Oz one?

- The Wiz? - What was the� The Wiz.

And what was your part?

- The Tin Man. - Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, thanks to Brad Reid and his design capabilities.

Wow.

Yeah. I think you need to put this on.

- Maybe not the entire podcast. - Jesus Christ.

But this was your hat when you played the Tin Man.

No, wait a minute. You got a thing that goes around your chin.

Yeah.

So, Brad was a artistic fella

who took on the responsibilities

of choreographing, costume designing, and directing The Wiz

my� fall of my junior year.

I think that's backwards. Is it?

- Mom, just let me tell the story. - Okay, never mind. Okay.

And so, he created this costume out of�

I think I�

I think I had spoons and all sorts of cutlery attached to me.

- It was the most, like, metal, insane� - Yup.

I remember during the tap dance routine,

one of the metal sporks flew up and chipped my tooth during opening night,

and� which also on opening night, which we have a clip of this,

I got� They only ever taped the shows on opening night,

which never made sense because we did 19 shows. They should've taped the last one,

but they're like, "Let's tape the first where nobody's ready to do anything."

And I remember I got caught in Anthony Areamos, the Scarecrow.

- Right. Yeah. - Remember?

Where I got� my� all the metal knick-knacks

got caught in Anthony's hay.

- And you were supposed to dance. - I was singing the ballad.

And I was realizing that I got stuck, and in my head, I was like,

"Holy shit, I'm gonna have to do a tap dance routine attached to Anthony."

Being vulnerable again

- And so tell me what, what would I do? - What.

- Do you remember this? - Yes.

- What were you thinking as a parent? - And we�

I was thinking, "Oh, that's a new take on The Wiz."

No, I figured you'd just make something funny out of it.

And�

Even though I didn't have the improv wherewithal to�

Oh, you had it on backwards.

At least put it on the right way for the one time.

Yeah. You look thrilled, by the way.

Yeah, there you go.

- Great. - Yeah.

So I wanna go back to that Grease story real quick though,

'cause I feel like that was my first,

like, real taste of big decision-type things

that you were heavily involved in.

- So it was� - I loved it.

"Do I do Grease or play football?"

And then that summer, I went back and forth.

And I didn't want to disappoint the coach. He was like, "You're gonna start varsity."

But I also wanted to do the play 'cause that seemed like more fun.

And I don't know if you remember what you said, but you said,

"What do you want to do?"

And I said, "Well, I want to do the play 'cause that feels like more fun,

and I think that's what I might want to do post-high school,

and if I play football, I'll be playing football to please the coach."

And you said, "Well, there's your answer."

And then you said, "Don't, you know, live your life to please other people,"

which, ironically, is what I do. Comedy to� people-pleaser, but�

- And that� - And you even did two-a-days, didn't you?

I went through all the camps and everything.

And then still had the balls to quit.

But as a parent, I guess talk me through that.

Trying to tell me what to do or not do.

I desperately did not want to tell you what to do.

I really didn't.

So that's why I was kind of

questioning you as to try to draw out, I guess that's my therapist coming out.

Yeah.

And you structured it in your brain and came up with your own answer.

And I was very proud of you for that, 'cause that was not an easy decision.

And especially going back to Tacon and talking to him.

- Yeah. - And, oh my gosh.

And I wanted to offer, "Well, I can go with you." But I knew. You know.

- Oh my God, fate worse than death. - Yeah.

And so�

You went to talk to him.

- He wasn't real pleased. - He wasn't pumped.

He had a few choice words,

but then he showed up to the matin�e with his kids.

I remember I was wearing my leather jacket.

It had, like, lipstick from Sandy.

And we're out in the hallway taking pictures and visiting with friends after.

And he just shook my hand and said, "Well, it wasn't terrible."

- And I was like, "See you at practice." - That's great praise.

Yeah, right, right.

- That's so funny you offered-- - Now he's one of your greatest fans.

- Totally. - By the way.

Comments on everything on Facebook. Shout out, Greg.

Come on, say.

Listen, if it was up to me, I'd never even look at another chick but you.

Hey, tell you what, we're throwing a party in the park tomorrow tonight for Frenchy.

She's gonna quit school before she flunks again

and go to beauty school.

Another reason why I wanted to do this episode is to let people know

the person behind all of my good fortune, and good luck, and good everything.

You don't realize that you get any of your humor

or, you know, any characteristics, I think, as an adult

until you get older and you see your parents as people and not parents.

- And that probably shifted for me. - Wow, you're there already.

- I'm there. Got there an hour ago. - Wow.

And it was just you and I living together

from eighth grade through most of high school.

So it's like this push and pull of, like, you know�

"Can you wash my basketball jersey?"

"The game's tomorrow, and I have a test to study for."

But then, like, "Give me some space. I'm a man."

So, like, this push and pull of wanting to be independent but needing you, and�

Or 5 minutes before the game,

and that's when I doused it and sprayed it with Lysol.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah.

I guess I want people to know, like, the extra miles you went sacrifice-wise

and just doing, you know, all this stuff that nobody asks a single mom to do

so that I could be involved and do all my stuff.

- So� - It was�

Filled my heart. Every moment�

I loved.

It didn't seem like much of a sacrifice.

And it�

Seeing you love what you did

and being accomplished in whatever you tried to do

and making big decisions about walking in and telling the coach,

I was very proud of you for that.

And I got to grow up and play in your world too.

- And anyway, thank you very much. - Of course.

Thank you for being here. Hold for a photo?

- Yeah. Okay. - Okay. Thank you so much.

You had how many jobs at the time? It was what?

- Council House activities coordinator? - I had several jobs.

And I had my master's.

Well, I still do have my master's in social work.

So I would be the social worker

at several different skilled nursing facilities.

I wanted to be doing what you were doing 'cause in college

I wanted to go into the Theater Department.

And�

And then my father, bless his heart, who I loved dearly,

said, "Oh, and you'll be able to get a job after you graduate?"

- Right. - And I went�

And I thought, "Oh, Daddy doesn't want that."

Kind of discouraging it indirectly.

- Well, he didn't know he was doing that. - Yeah. Yeah.

As parents, when we, you know, crap out,

a lot of times, we don't know that we're doing that.

And he didn't, bless his heart. Well, I didn't do it.

And I got� did a different career, and my BA was in social work,

and I thought I could be a tip-top receptionist, you know.

But then after I got my master's, then I started working.

You've always been a people person.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- From the get-go. - And I think you have too.

- Sure. And I think I get that from you. - Yeah.

- And we get that from Grandpa too. - Totally.

Yeah, good.

Well, so then you got� so then you were doing 4 or 5 jobs

to make sure I could have baseball, basketball uniforms and do everything.

And then here comes your knight in shining armor, George.

- God sent me George. - "God sent you George" is what we say.

- And you married George in� 2002. - Two.

2002. To celebrate an anniversary. Mazel.

- Right. Thank you. - And�

- Twenty-four years. - Twenty-four years.

Right. I remember when I told you about George.

- Yeah. Yeah. - And you met George.

And you took me by the arm.

"Don't screw this up." That's what you told me.

Yeah. You know.

'Cause I was getting ready to move down to Los Angeles to go to USC.

And so the idea� I almost stayed in town to go to University of Washington

'cause I didn't want to leave you by yourself. And then�

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

You were like, "You have to go for college."

You were adamant about it, which was almost a little too adamant.

You were like, "Get the fuck out."

- Yeah, but you bought it. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

- You lost 35 lb before your bar mitzvah. - Yeah.

Boom. And out came Adam. And�

By the way, "Chubby kid going on a diet" spreads like wildfire.

Because, like, I remember at the sixth-grade party, I was getting,

you know, the teachers were accustomed to me, like, eating M&M's off their desk

or having multiple cookies at snack time.

And I remember I walked in to get� They had pizza, cookies, and doughnuts.

I remember grabbing a celery stick,

and one of the teachers going, "Ray, celery, huh?"

And I was like, "Yep."

And I was, like, on a diet, but I was trying to be covert about it.

- And� - I never really put� No, go ahead.

Yeah, but she goes, "Celery, huh? But the pizza's right there."

And I was like, I never felt�

I didn't know that adults could, like, shame kids like that. It was pretty�

- Yeah, well, they're not supposed to. - Yeah.

- Yeah, right. - Funny in hindsight.

- But hurtful in the moment. - Yeah.

That brings up the point of when you had such a wonderful gym teacher.

- Mr. Bowman? Yeah. - Mr. Bowman.

And because, you know, when you're in gym, and there's a whole bunch of boys.

And they'll play, you know, skins and shirts.

And Mr. Bowman, bless his heart, would always let you be shirts.

- Yeah. - Remember?

And you�

It would have been weird if he was like, "Take your shirt off."

- That would have been weird. - Yeah, it's weird now.

No, he was very supportive.

So you meet George, and then you're able to quit working a handful of jobs.

And George goes,

"Puddin', you should always� you want to do theater, do theater."

- "You should go back and do theater." - Oh, I know.

And so you started doing community plays.

And then all of a sudden I get a call from you saying,

"I'm in The Vagina Monologues." And I was like, "Great."

Yeah.

"When does it start?" And then we came up to�

But you didn't know that George became an honorary vagina.

I don't know what that means.

I'm not sure either, but it sounded pretty cool.

- Yeah. - I don't know.

Your best story that I tell all the time

is during a high school basketball game, packed gymnasium.

We needed to win 3 out of 4 games to go to the playoffs

for the first time in 25 years.

And it was the second to last game.

And I'm at the free throw line about to hit a shot

that would put us up by 3 and seemingly win the game.

And it's dead silent in a packed gym of probably,

I don't know, 1,000 kids and parents.

She screams out as I'm at the free throw line,

and it's dead silent 'cause everyone's nervous.

"Just have fun."

And I think the whole stadium laughed or the whole gymnasium laughed.

- Parents are like-- - I was next to a mom that yelled too.

I remember turning over at the free line just going, "Mom, stop!"

Which made everyone laugh even more. And then I hit the shot. And then, yeah.

Yeah. I remember running over afterwards.

I was like, "You gotta reel it in." And you were like, "You made it."

So, thanks, Mom.

- Love you. - I love you.

Were you ever� were you� you were nervous for me in sports,

like if I was pitching or at the free throw line,

but, like, during a play,

was there any aspect of my life at that time

where you weren't a nervous parent?

During the plays, were you like, "They've rehearsed this."

But in sports, it's like you're just reacting, right?

Well, you could get physically hurt.

And usually you hadn't been in anything on the play, but�

when you got on stage, like you do now,

and it even began in the fifth grade�

You own the stage.

It's� It just makes me feel so good.

When you're on the stage, it's yours.

You're never unsure.

And if you are unsure, then you make it like part of the script.

And it plays.

And�

You know, I learned that from you.

And one time when I was on the stage, and I called somebody by the wrong name,

well, the audience didn't probably know,

but then in my mind, I had to correct that.

So I started talking and created a different scenario while I was on stage

and made that character somebody's friend that I talked about.

But I learned that from you.

You also looked like you had such passion about what you were doing.

And I never really worried about you on stage.

It was like I couldn't wait to come and see the play again.

- Yeah. - You know, and see the next one.

And also the children that you had taught in religious school.

- They all came to see your plays. - Right.

And�

That's what was cool about these plays at Shorecrest, where we are,

and why it's extra special to do this here is because

taking field trips to Shorecrest

in elementary school to see the plays were a big deal. Remember?

- You probably came on a few to chaperone. - Probably chaperone.

- But it was-- - And I think I had a good time.

You had a good time.

But it was our first taste of, like, I don't know, celebrity

or even just seeing, you know, people�

'Cause you'd see them on stage, and then you'd go to the lobby

and meet Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle or the lead of West Side Story or whatever.

And you could wrap your head around the fact that they were,

you know, like you, because they weren't on TV and in movies,

but they were� they seemed�

- They were little kids dressed up. - Totally.

- And you got to see them as people then. - Yeah.

But on stage, most everybody, it was a good theater program,

was very confident in their role.

And you can probably attest to this, if I hadn't seen those plays as a child

and then wanted to make that a part of my life in high school,

that I definitely wouldn't be doing what I'm doing.

"What's something you wish fans knew about me off stage?"

Could be embarrassing or not.

Well, you know, I should have gone to something embarrassing,

but I immediately go to something about what a nice guy and considerate.

But I think most of your fans know that.

You'll help people out when they're in trouble.

Even when you were in grade school,

and you were a little heavier than some of the others, and you'd be�

And this segues.

You were being made fun of, but you never told me about it.

That I recall.

And you couldn't tell me but they were making fun of you,

and I think that's one of the places where you fell into your comedy.

- You utilized your comedy to do that. - Oh, yeah.

But everybody� And then if you saw somebody,

and I would hear this,

there'd be a kid being made fun of, or they weren't being kind to them,

and you would go and take up for them in this school.

- Do you remember certain instances? - Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, and� or maybe even had a disability.

And�

I was so proud of that

and your kind heart, and you have it today.

And you have a wonderful wife

that appreciates what a wonderful man you are.

And of course you appreciate

what a wonderful woman that you have indeed found.

Oh, yeah, I'm batting out of my league. Everybody knows that.

Yeah, well, I can see why you'd say that, but I'm not sure.

But I know that's a good statement.

- I hit the jackpot for sure. - Yeah, you did.

Your debut on the stage.

Yes.

Besides, you know, around our house

and pretending to be Ninja Turtles in the hallway, and�

- Or puppet shows for my friends. - Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. And�

- Weird kid. - But you�

God, I loved it.

So�

Anyway.

- What? - You know what I was saying?

Yeah. No.

- Oh, your debut. - Oh�

Yeah. You didn't remember.

- I thought you were setting up a bit. - I saved us.

- I saved us. - I thought you were�

See, that's what a geriatric experience is.

- Oh. - Yeah. Yeah.

- No - It'll be okay.

- You haven't aged a day. - Oh, yeah.

Should I ask a question?

No.

You know, being a single parent.

I had� It was my responsibility to kind of�

Not so much the facts of life, but how to negotiate the facts of life.

- Right. - And�

So one day, when you were a sophomore, right?

In high school.

- Right. - Yeah.

I remember sitting at the kitchen table in that little house we had,

and� that we were renting.

And�

And decided that I need to go over the idea of protection.

And so I had�

I had some condoms.

And�

- Oh. Are you living through it again? - No, I'm just, yeah�

- I'm just letting the silence sit in. - Yeah, 'cause�

Give me your input as to� I'm not sure you've ever given me your�

But I think I must have had some Coronas in the ice box.

And so I took one of those. I didn't use a banana. I used a Corona.

So I was showing you how to put the condom on it.

I think I did it backwards or something.

I don't think we need to totally try to remember every detail.

Yeah, maybe. And so�

And I started telling you about it, and I said,

"Well, just remember. There are two things that can happen to you."

"You could end up being a dad, or you could be dead."

- You know? - Yeah.

Which neither one were, you know, very appealing.

And so then I remember I bought this huge box of condoms.

- Yeah. Yeah. - And I said, "This is for you."

And you weren't 9 like you say in your stand-up.

You know, I hate to break your hearts out there, but it's, yeah.

- It was an excessive amount of� - �condoms.

- Prophylactics. - Yeah.

- And - I thought 2 would have been� efficient.

I don't know. I didn't know.

- Yeah. - I said�

"Girls�

wanna fall in love."

"And boys

just wanna find a place to stick it."

And I said--

I think that was my high school yearbook quote.

- And that's what I told you. - Yeah, I remember that.

And then I also said, "Keep the condom in your wallet."

And that because in the heat of passion�

You know.

You can't let that take over.

- You've gotta grab that wallet. - Yeah. Yeah.

And you did,

because I don't think you had been sexually active yet.

So what else we got here, Mom? We got, let's see. There's�

Let's see, wanna see another question. "Do you have advice for other single moms?"

Love your kids.

Just love your kids up.

Because if you do that, then you have this�

You want to have a tight-knit group.

I had two kids, and I tried to love everybody up.

And I didn't always do such a good job at it.

Being able to buy the most expensive vegetables as opposed to not,

is not the end of the world.

And you know you're gonna make� get through it.

You just stay positive and delight in your kids,

because really, that's your job.

Well, this segues into the final part of the interview,

which, because we watched Inside the Actors Studio a lot,

in high school and college,

'cause we both just, you know, love movies and acting and all that.

And�

So I'm gonna do this last part as James Lipton

interviewing you with all the questionnaires.

The questions he would ask people at the end of the episode.

Yikes.

Somebody posted on Facebook

that you were our generation's answer

to the new Robin Williams.

Whoa.

- You posted that? You posted that? - Take my hat off. No, you posted it.

- And you didn't read the whole thing. - I reposted it.

- You reposted it. - A fan posted that. That's right.

- A fan posted that. - That's right. Yeah.

You are good about sharing and watching everything that I post.

I'll give you that.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

I'll be home for the holidays,

and you're just sitting there watching videos that I posted 6 years ago,

and you'll be like, "Remember that?"

You're my baby.

"What turns you on?"

You babies. Being loved.

"What turns you off?"

Being treated badly.

"What is your favorite curse word?"

Oh, probably fuck, even though it's not as intelligent

as I would like for it to be.

"What sound or noise do you love?"

Kissing.

"What sound or noise do you hate?"

People arguing.

- "What profession--?" - Unless�

When you and I argue, we always end up laughing at the end.

Yes.

And then if we don't, I always get an apology from you.

Yes.

Which is very sweet.

Well, sometimes you drive me bonkers, but�

Yeah, well, back at you.

"What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?"

I'd like to be back on� doing movies or the stage.

- Cool. - Competently.

"If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say

when you arrive at the pearly gates?"

"Good job."

Thank you, James.

I love you. Thanks for doing this.

Oh, I love you, baby.

Give me a kiss.

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