Original subtitles

I don't like my neck.

But I'd also start� If I had�

- Did you say, "I don't like my dick"? - My neck.

Oh, "my neck." My� Oh, my neck.

But I'm also not a fan of my dick.

I'm a fan of my dick.

- But I thought you said� - Your dick's fine.

- I thought you said� - This whole thing�

I'm interviewing you, but we're talking about my penis.

Right. I was surprised that you said "my dick."

It's not perfect.

And it's not even because it goes� It's kind of like a�

Are you talking about your penis or your neck now?

- I'm talking about my penis. - Okay, why are we shouting?

You'll make my mustache fall off.

I didn't realize that you had a little hair on top.

I could send you a link.

Yeah, but it's a good, but it's a strong, it's a strong look.

It's a strong look. It makes you look like you have some authority.

- My posture's not great. - I'm almost as bald as you.

I'm always surprised when someone takes a photograph from the side�

I hate that.

�of me, and I realize how far back my forehead has gone�

It's staying put.

�over time, but I have confidence from the front.

Or if someone takes a photograph from behind me,

and I realize how much of a circle of thin hair I have in the back,

that's also off-putting.

But I don't want to get any plastic surgery yet.

You shouldn't.

But there will come a time. Everyone gets some.

I'll get some up here, move my hair down in front.

Do you think you could get half your face done?

- Yes. - So you could be like half, like this.

When people say, "Don't you want to know what God wanted you to look like?"

And you just go, "Wham!" and give him the other half.

You know what I've never done my whole life?

I've never manscaped� I've never trimmed anything.

One time I went for an EK�

One of the heart things where they tape stuff to you.

- An HPV. - Yeah, whatever it is.

One of those viruses.

The woman, she just shaved like half of me

to stick the thing so it doesn't rip your hair out, and then I thought,

"You should do the whole thing."

She goes, "That's up to you." And I was like, "I don't�"

But it was up to me after that, because now I had one naked ape titty

and one hairy ape titty.

And then� So I shaved.

That was the only time.

That was like four, five years ago. It was the only time I ever manscaped.

It's not� I don't think women prefer it.

I know some women, my wife in particular,

who prefers plenty of hair in most spots.

And I don't judge.

She's also a big fan of the rainforest, so maybe those things go hand in hand.

I wanna go back to what you said about ape titty.

I was in a band in middle school called Ape Titty.

I don't know if you knew that and brought that up,

or if you're just trying to make small talk.

No doubt. I think I was making small talk.

- But Ape Titty is a fine band. - It was a good band.

They for sure played Bumbershoot.

- Yeah, that was� - Probably on the small stage.

They're trying to make Bumbershoot closer to free again.

Have you seen Oppenheimer?

I didn't watch it.

It's a terrible thing to watch. Have you seen Hamnet?

You know, I was going to.

I started it. Here's my problem with movies.

I start them, and then I get distracted. I go on TikTok,

I find a recipe or some furniture to buy on Facebook Marketplace.

- I just get distracted. - You should watch it in the theater.

I didn't watch Oppenheimer because I didn't see it in the theater.

Well, there's people that watch Mission Impossible on their laptop.

And those people can fuck off, in my opinion.

I wanna pitch a show called "Cruise Control,"

where Tom Cruise shows up randomly on airplanes

and fucking van dam someone in the throat

if he sees them watching one of his movies on the back of an airplane seat,

because that's not how it's supposed to be viewed.

That could be a good skit of sorts.

- Have you met Tom Cruise? - No, I haven't.

Okay, let's move on.

Do you believe in magic?

I think there's moments of magic in the world, right?

- Yeah. - You know, like�

Like when you drop something, like if you drop the lid of�

Where you're putting the lid back on some juice, maybe,

or some half-and-half, and you drop the lid,

and then you grab it.

- You grab it before it hits the ground. - You're as fast as Superman.

That is magic. I think that's magic.

The last time I was at the Space Needle�

- That was my next question. - A few of us were here.

This is a tremendous view.

- The view is spectacular. - Right?

And if you're upstairs, it would be spinning, right?

Where's the restaurant?

The restaurant is just above us, and then the top of the Needle,

which you've been to�

I went to the tippity top. There was one of the camera people,

and I hope that somehow he sees this,

because I hope he's told the story, and someone will see it that knew him,

and they'll say, "Oh my God, he talked about it."

I don't know, I can't remember his name,

but I looked over it, because I was nervous,

and I'm like, because it's so high up.

And you feel like, I feel like, you know, you could just step a little bit

and then be like one of those videos of people dying.

I do love� Well, not those.

- I do love falling videos. - You don't know what's happening.

Just like, they're gone, and you can't even panic really.

Have you seen the AI video of the old woman getting an adjustment

and he snaps her neck and throws her through the drywall?

- I do like those. - My mom sends me texts all the time.

She goes, "I'm never going to this place."

I go, "No one is. It's not fucking real."

I know. Someone sent me a really inspirational song about unity

and all these people

with their different outfits were in a giant arena together

and they were all singing together.

And it was beautiful.

And it was hard for me to write back

and say, "It would be nice, but that's not real."

That's not real, yeah.

All those people didn't get together and work it out.

Every now�

We're fucked, basically, is what I was thinking at the time.

- But I was up there. I'm sorry. - You go ahead. Go ahead.

I was up there, and�

I was raising the 12 Flags for the Seahawks. I was very excited.

And I noticed that one of the camera guys, he has a big camera too,

and I noticed he was nervous, right?

- Well, you're up there, super high. - He's looking through a lens.

So now you're even more nervous

because the world looks different through a lens.

How do you know a bird's not gonna come behind you and shit on your shoulder?

- And shove you off? - Or it shoves you off.

So he was like this, and then I noticed he was nervous

because I could tell he was like�

His hands were going� So I just gave him the reassuring�

I just gave him a little squeeze.

And he was like, looked out of the camera, and he said�

He gave me like a pleading, like a, "Please don't touch me anymore."

- You were throwing him off. - Yeah.

No, because he was really scared, so every once in a while, I just�

While we were doing it, I just gave him a little, "You got this."

And he'd be like, "Please, God."

And it was one of my� It was one of�

It made the whole experience better.

Well, you gotta fuck with people.

And I think people that are scared are the easiest to fuck with.

I love every Halloween. Go ahead.

What if you just walked off set and that was it?

- Well, Dave� - Where did you grow up?

- Tulsa. - Tulsa.

You're putting me on the spot.

Having to remember everything Phil-related, you piece of shit.

- I love Tulsa. - Yeah.

Tulsa was superb.

- Tulsa's got its own vibe. - Yeah, it does.

They just kind of go to the beat of their own drum.

Let me ask you something.

And you take your time, because� This is a real treat, by the way.

I'm always happy to see you.

It's a real pleasure, 'cause I've been watching�

I told you, I've been a fan for a long time.

I know '94 is when everybody goes, "Who are these guys?"

"Who's that guy?"

But you've been doing music before then, right?

When was the� How about this?

First day you remember hearing music and you go,

- "What the fuck is that?" - I don't know.

I think I had a lot of music around me when I was a kid,

but my parents took�

- We went to a lot of� - Concerts.

We went to a lot� Yeah.

I grew up around a lot of music.

Now, people make�

Jackson 5 was my first� The first record that I owned.

I bought it when I was five with my pocket money.

And I went and I said�

And the only reason I was interested was because there's a five.

It said "five," and I was like, "Five?"

- "That's my age." - And I'm going again.

- I got it and I put it on and� - Changed your life.

It was unbelievable.

It changed. I was by the fireplace on Illington Road.

- Shout out. - In Ossining.

And I did my� I had dance moves I did

that were not as� Well, at the time, they were impressive.

Is that where you get your dance moves from? From MJ?

- No, those are� - No.

- They're different. - No, those are different.

But anyway, then I liked other, but that was a�

But I liked� I mean, there's music all around.

For sure. I played the clarinet for four years.

But my stepdad was always like, "You're not gonna� This isn't for you."

He didn't beat me with my clarinet. Wish he would've.

Then you might've gotten really good at it.

I might be� We wouldn't be here.

I'd be opening for you somewhere.

Yeah, or you� you know.

You probably wouldn't have a solo.

Opening for Ape Titty.

Yeah, opening for Ape Titty.

- Or Pocket Money. - I can't remember you�

I can't believe that you remember Ape Titty so clearly.

You can smoke weed and have a short-term memory.

- Ape Titty. - Yeah.

- It's funnier the second time around. - It really is.

- Especially 'cause you remembered it. - Give me about ten minutes.

Lead clarinet player of Ape Titty.

Was guitar your first instrument?

No, piano.

- Is that� - Every� you know�

- My whole family, we all learned piano. - Together.

- No, you have to all take your lessons. - Separately.

And then my sister's a better pianist.

Then I learned� Then I got to trumpet.

- That's a tough one. - Well, it's all right.

But then it makes your lip� It gives you a little tiny little lip.

- Like a little swollen lip thing. - Yeah.

And I didn't like that.

But it made me do this all the time.

Well, see, that's why my wife loves the trumpet.

I've seen you live about 15,000 times.

But what's crazy is there are people that have seen you live more.

Yeah, I've met some of them.

They go�

"Where were you, Dave Matthews, Sarasota, 1999?"

"Crash, he did Crash for 27 minutes."

- Yeah, that's� - Those people, I've met those guys.

And they're a lot of fun at concerts 'cause they'll buy you a Zima, you know.

But they'll also talk your ear off about every song they've ever seen live

and not live.

When you meet fans, do they ask you to sign weird shit?

Or have you ever made eye contact on stage with a fan during a show,

and maybe they've been high on something

that you couldn't get them out of your head for the rest of the show?

No, I usually obsess about the one person that looks�

Unhappy.

�incurably bored and unhappy.

I do the same thing.

I once, there was a dude that was like, he was so bored,

but he was blind.

Fuck. We'll be right back.

He was just like staring like this, and apparently he was having a blast.

- You didn't call him out? - No, I met him at the end.

I was, I like to go up and say,

"Dippity-dappity, hippity-hoppity, flippity-flappity."

And I did that, and then I was like, "Oh," and then I was like,

"Oh, my man."

And then he reached out when someone next to him said,

"Put your hand out." And he did.

And then it was like, "Oh, that guy."

- And he was� Then he was all smiles. - He was sweet.

- A lot of people are sweet. - But that's often not always the case.

Not everybody that doesn't like my shows is blind.

I tried to fist bump a guy with a nub for a hand once.

Talk about awkward.

That is pretty solid.

I go, "What do you want me to do?"

I ended up just grabbing it and rotating it like a joystick.

David or Dave?

I introduce myself as David, because that's my name.

But I obviously carry myself like a Dave,

because everybody calls me Dave.

And that's what, you know, that's how it is.

So, and now I'm at the point now,

because I'm nigh 60,

I go up to�

I go up to people and introduce myself, "I'm David."

And then they go, "David?"

I didn't realize they were such different names,

but most of the time now when I say, "David," they go, "David?"

Because you look like a Dave.

No, because everyone calls you "Dave"

because you call yourself Dave on the cover of your albums.

How did the name for the band come about?

Pretty easy?

- Like, Dave & Friends. - It was more like the lack�

It was really, it was� I'm not real�

I'm not real plan-y.

Sure.

So I feel like it was a mistake, but in hindsight, it wasn't a mistake

because everything's turned out okay pretty much.

I'm not gonna complain.

But it was like,

we had the first gig, we didn't really have a name,

and then Leroy, who's passed, was a sax player in the band.

He was a founding member, he was the first guy I went to,

and I said, "Wanna play music?"

He was the first guy.

For what, you know� We played music before that,

but I said, "I wrote some songs, maybe we could make a little band."

- And he said� - Awkward thing to ask a friend to do.

And he said, "Sure," because he was such a badass.

He's already, you know�

established musician.

But when someone said, "What do I put on the poster?"

for, like, whatever Earth Day or whatever�

I can't remember what the show was.

I think it was Earth Day.

Then I said, "Well, I don't know."

He said, "Well, just put your name on."

"And then you got a band," you know? "Just put your�" That was it.

But then they put

"Dave Matthews Band." They put that on there.

They added the band.

And then we thought about changing it a few times,

and then eventually, because we're on top of things,

eventually, I was just like, "Fuck it."

Well, it wasn't like, "Goddamn it,

I'm gonna call it 'the Dave Matthews Band,' and you bitches can suck it."

- That wasn't like that at all. - I don't think the band would be together.

No, I didn't. I was always like�

"I'm sorry they made me call it 'Dave Matthews Band.'"

"Let's call it DMB instead."

Do you think Madonna wanted "The Madonna Band",

and everybody was like, "Just shorten it." Or "The Madonna Trio?"

- Right. - That question sucks. Let's move on.

I've been that baked before.

I've never been that baked.

- Well� - Maybe I have.

What are you doing later? Because there's a time and a place�

There was one time I must have eaten about 60 milligrams.

And I was out on my patio tap dancing.

- That's a lot. - It's a lot.

And you were tap dancing?

I thought I was tap dancing.

I was actually trying to spoon a beanbag.

Yeah, you weren't.

I think you were just sitting there.

I was sitting there watching Nickelodeon Guts.

I know you went out to the Super Bowl this year.

- Yes. - Yes. And�

- With my son. Yeah. - With your son.

- Which is a special thing to do. - And also with�

I was very excited too.

Anyway, friends.

Yes.

- We saw each other there, did we not? - Yes, I saw you there.

We went out to�

Which a lot of people don't consider a party destination.

But in San Jose, California,

there's a hotel called the Four Points by Sheraton.

Oh yeah.

- Have you forgotten? - We went there. Yeah, we did.

Let me tell you something about a hotel dive bar.

- Maybe my favorite thing in the world. - That was a good one.

- That was a good one. - It had history on it.

Thank you.

- People had been there. - Yeah.

I didn't have that new Sheraton shine.

It had that old Sheraton�

that� It had some, like, that�

Some un�

"What's that stain?"

I don't like a hotel where you walk in and you go, "Somebody just bled here."

- You know? - No.

But if they bled 20 years ago, then it's got a history.

Sheraton Shine, by the way, might open for Ape Titty.

I don't know how to play the guitar.

- But I did look up a YouTube� - You are about to play an A chord.

- Is that what that is? - It looks like it.

I'm more of a B-cup guy, but�

So this is something I came up with in the car.

Can we get a quick applause for Dave Matthews

on how handsome he looks?

I bet 60 Minutes didn't do that.

So this is a song I wrote about my wife.

You've written songs about your girl?

Yeah, I mean, yeah. To a� Yeah, I mean, yeah.

Where do you get� Before I play this and blow your mind�

Where does the song come to you,

like, the lyrics first, or you gotta do the melody first?

I usually do the melody first,

but that's because it's more difficult that way.

Sure. So you'll hear some, you'll be like, it can be�

I make a noise first, and then I try and make words out of it.

Cool.

- What do you got there? - Here we go.

Don't be too critical.

- Again, I watched three YouTube videos. - I'm not worried.

Okay.

- Quiet, please. - Flawless.

Before I met my wife I didn't know how to dance

So she taught me how to Dougie And take off my pants

Without using my feet And without using my hands

She even introduced me To all her gay friends

And that's why

I think you have it.

I'm not gonna kill her in her sleep

So I think what was nice about that was there's a combination of�

of humor

that came

and honesty, but then also effort.

So I think that's what matters the most is that there's a nice combination.

- So you're saying I could go on tour? - Yes.

- Yes, you can. - I don't believe you.

- I think you could. - You're laughing.

You're already on tour.

You're already an artist.

When you're up there, do you feel like I just felt? Exhilarating?

Exhilarated?

- Is it always like that? - Sometimes�

Sometimes it feels very easy and I'm very�

- Connected. - Connected.

And other times I'm just filled with�

- Rage. - With the deer�

- With the deep, deep fear. - Of?

Of every, of the whole, and of absolute�

So it's somewhere between like�

- Which is all ego problem. - Sure

Like when you're like, "Oh, this is, I'm sucking."

Because nothing matters.

No one comes there to see you suck or tell you whether or not you suck.

People just come there to see you�

People want to hear and then have a good time.

So they don't� And they want to make a big�

Maybe they'll have them be inspired,

but people certainly don't want to come and watch you have a panic attack.

But sometimes I have a panic attack, which is mental problems.

- Sure. - And then sometimes, but other times�

I get to the end of a show and be like,

"I don't remember anything. It was awesome. That was great."

"I had a feel. What a nice feeling."

So somewhere between that and the other.

- It keeps you on your game, right? - Yeah, keep trying.

I like having the nerves be there just enough.

Nerves, I have to try and convince myself before

that the nerves, it's not like terror. It's just excitement.

I try and redefine things, right?

But at this point, I care a lot less.

- I'm a lot less afraid. - You're seasoned.

Well, seasoned, and things are falling apart, creaking.

And so it doesn't really matter so much anymore.

- Is there a� - Less and less matters.

The more I realize I'm sort of like a squid with hands.

I can't remember ten minutes ago or ten years ago.

- Oh, I don't know� - I need a teleprompter.

- You could-- - Ape titty. I remember that much.

- Do you ever forget� - Iridescent.

That's a word that evades me quite a lot.

I might punch someone in the face if they say that in front of me.

That's a word that almost sounds fake.

I know, but it's a real word.

And my sister and I enjoy with great frequency

the inability to remember specifically that word.

And sometimes, just for fun, I'll say to her,

"What's that word again for something that's sort of like two colors at once,

depending on where the light hits?"

And then we'll be like, "Ooh." Because we can remember the description.

But the word

is unavailable.

And then we think about how it possibly is early onset.

How did you come up with the lyric,

"It's not what, but who you're with that really matters?"

I don't know. I probably read, I probably stole that from somebody.

- Snapple cap or something. - What's his name?

The guy's a big, he's a strong guy.

Mario Lopez.

No, but the other guy that walks on coals and he's a self-help guy.

- Tony Robbins. - Boom.

- You and Tony probably go back. - How the fuck did I get that?

- You just went like that. - I know.

I saw Tony Robbins

one time on the beach down

Santa Monica or somewhere down. Anyway, I can't remember.

- LA area. - Yeah.

Southern California.

And he was between tours, I guess.

- Was he roller skating? - No.

But he was like bushy and kind of like ragged.

But I'm pretty positive it was him because people were going up to him.

- "Mr. Robbins." - "Hey, Tony."

He kind of let himself go a little bit so he could bring himself back.

I like when people do that.

I feel like I'm on the letting go�

- You're fine. - I'm going with the letting go.

- You're fine. - I ride that to the end.

Till eventually I'm just like�

But I don't like, you know what I don't like?

I don't like the surprise photograph on the beach.

- I don't like that. - They've gotten you.

- I've gotten a couple of� - Give me the face you made.

That's spectacular.

Just me, the sun is out. I don't wear sunglasses.

I'm kind of like this, and my gut's hanging out.

My titties are laid out on my gut, and my back's out.

Long shorts, and I'm sort of walking like this. I'm kind of hunched over.

And it's like, "Dave Matthews on the beach."

I'm like, "Fuck you, you fuck."

- I was gonna ask� - Sorry, that's the truth.

I was gonna ask what your favorite curse word is, but I think it's the F-word.

- I think so, probably. - It's mine.

You know what, one of my favorite�

I was walking in London, and there�

And you know, they don't mind the C-word either.

They love it.

And then this woman was walking past this dude, and she was�

- Tony Robbins. - She had that little vibe.

She was like this. She was a little fireball.

And she was walking this way, so I noticed her.

And then there's a dude walking, just a walking dude in front of us.

And then she cut it real close to him and hit him.

Well, hit his backpack. And she turned around and said,

"Don't hit me with your backpack

you�" And she was gonna hit him with probably the C-word, right?

And he said, "Fuck off, cunt."

And I said, "Wow, that's some real shit right there."

And then underneath there's, you know, there's a little spot

where there's some mattresses, and people take turns.

I feel like it's almost like, you know, you clock in, clock out.

People take turns panhandling there.

They're taking up that station. I had change in my pocket,

but I'm not really good at, you know, it's foreign.

Even though there's a consequence in the change. Like, a pound

is a big coin, so you gotta�

It's more money. So anyway.

But I still was like, I was weighed down with some change,

and I was getting tired of� Just walking around.

- Like I was in the old times. - Jingling and jangling, yeah.

Old-timey times.

And so I gave some of my change,

put it in the little�

There's a little bucket or his hat or whatever he had.

And she said to him from behind him,

she said, "Half of that's mine, you cunt."

And I turned around and I said,

"Yeah, half of that's hers, you cunt."

And then they were like� And I was like�

Everybody was happy.

It was like a happy, a little happy�

The whole thing was� But I could never say the C-word in an American accent.

I would feel rude.

Our accent's a little bit more aggressive.

But the British� If Mary Poppins�

If the kids were like, "Mary, can I get a meatball sub?"

And she was like, "Make it yourself, you cunt."

That movie would have probably not made it to theaters.

- Pretty solid. - You would have respected Poppins more.

It would have made it somewhere.

Do you have any weird paraphernalia from the road or from a musical?

Like, has Willie Nelson given you a guitar pick?

Yeah, I think I� Yeah, he signed�

He signed

a guitar that I have on my bus.

- And so that's nice. - That's pretty cool.

But any, but I, you know, I like, I like seeing�

I like running into Willie at Farm Aid.

It's more nice to see Willie than it is to have a guitar that he signed.

I'm not a big� I don't� I mean, an autograph's fine.

- I'm not a big autograph guy. - Me neither.

- Give me the memory. - Yeah.

What else we got here?

No, fucking no.

If your guitar could roast you, what would it say?

- "You suck at the guitar." - Okay.

Ping-pong?

- I'm pretty good at ping-pong. - Me too.

Yeah. Okay. That's a challenge.

I think it was, indirectly.

- Yeah. - Let's make a bet.

Yeah, I mean, I'll kick your ass.

- Forehand or backhand? - I don't give a fuck.

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