Original subtitles

Welcome!

I'm your host, Jonathan Morgan, and this is The Mating Game. That's right. Sit

back and relax, because for the next 90 minutes, you're about to be tenelated,

excited, and even satisfied, if you know what I mean.

That's right. The Mating Game is unlike any other dating game you've ever seen,

because we here at The Mating Game, well, you get to see what happens in

those intimate moments of a date, if you know what I mean.

And you get to see it right here, live, on our stage.

Plus, you as the audience, you get to call up.

That's right. You can talk to any one of our luscious babes or even our stud

right here.

You can call up, talk to them, ask them some questions, get to know them, or

just tell them what exactly you want to see as far as the nasty, if you know

what I mean.

So, tell you what, without further ado, let us go ahead and introduce our lovely

contestants. Babe number one, born and raised in Hollywood, California.

That's right. She loves horseback riding, full contact nude mud wrestling.

And let us introduce us to the one and only Timber. How are you doing today,

Timber? Hi, how are you? Good, good.

And, of course, babe number two.

She was born in West Hollywood, California.

She's into biking, aerobics, and bungee jumping while nude.

Let's give it up to the one and only Charlie. How are you doing today,

Charlie? Good, how are you? Good, good.

And, of course, our last, but definitely not the least, babe number three.

Born and raised in West.

Nope, I'm sorry. Eek! Hollywood, California.

Guys, they're all just conjugating right there.

That's right.

She loves snorkeling, also nude kung fu, and giving a man anything he wants as

long as it involves a credit card and a full shopping mall.

Let's give it up to the one and only Santa Fe. How are you doing, Santa Fe?

Wonderful, thank you.

Okay. Well, of course, now we have three lovely ladies. Of course, we have to

have... a gentleman who's going to ask you some questions and hopefully get a

chance to go out with one of you ladies.

Or maybe not just go out, but definitely get intimate with you. So you guys ready

to meet our first male contestant? Sure.

All right.

Well, here he is.

Straight from where else? Hollywood, California.

That's right.

He's into flexing in front of a mirror, posing for himself naked, and also

sending him love letters. Let's give it up for J.J. Michaels.

How are you doing, J.J.? How are you doing, Jonathan?

Good to be here.

Good, good. You're looking good. Are you working out?

No, not at all. Okay. Or are you?

Okay. Well, anyway, J.J., you know how the game is played. What you're going to

do is you're going to act.

one of our three lovely babes over there, a couple of assorted questions

which you already have written down, and of course, then from there, you're going

to pick which one of these lovely ladies you're going to get down deep and

intimate with, okay?

All right. Okay, well, without further ado, let's start the show. JJ, go ahead.

Okay, starting with bachelorette number one.

If you really liked a guy and wanted to have sex with him on the first date,

describe what it would be like.

Well, obviously, Timber doesn't have sex on the first date. She's not that type

of girl.

Oh, wow.

So, what do you say you go ahead and do the next question?

Okay. Let's go on to the next one. Start with bachelor number two this time.

If you were stranded on a desert isle and you had to choose between a

vibrator, an ever-ready man, or food, what would you choose and why?

Ooh, good question.

A vibrator.

And why? It keeps going and going and going. Whoa!

I heard J.J. keeps going and going and going.

So, J.J., go ahead and ask that next contestant.

Okay, Bachelorette number three, same question.

What would you choose and why?

Well, the vibrator as well because I get two and one. Like she said, it keeps

going and going and going.

Oh, there you go.

Well, just like we promote on the show, we always love our viewers out there to

participate. So we have a caller out there who's going to ask one of you

lovely ladies a question. I hope you don't mind now.

Okay. Well, caller, are you there?

Gosh, I love when they do that.

Hello, caller.

Yes, hello.

Hi, who are we talking to?

This is Lee. Lee, do you have a question for any one of our lovely babes?

Lee's just going, I just called for a peek, so okay, what the hell is this

thing?

Come on, Lee, help us out here.

Okay.

Is there any times that you had preferred masturbating as to

being with a man?

And which lovely babe are you asking?

Oh, let me take a look at them.

Go back to them.

That would be babe number two.

That would be Charlie, the lovely Charlie.

Hi. Yeah, there have been.

But I wouldn't necessarily replace a man permanently.

All right.

Okay, well, wasn't that just lovely? Thank you so much for calling late.

Gosh, I love these live program shows.

Okay, well, she's apparently from the control booth. The phones are just

lighting up waiting to talk to you girls. So, caller, are you there?

Oh, gosh, I just love it. Hello, caller.

Hi. Hi, who are we talking to?

This is Tim.

Tim, do you have a question for any one of our three lovely babes?

Yeah, girls, aren't you going to roll a thumb out if you have to have sex with

that dork over there?

Oh, gee, Tim, getting below the belt there.

We don't know what he looks like.

You're not going to like it, believe me.

Oh, my gosh, they're coming in with the zing.

Let's see if he gets it up.

Why don't you come down here?

Oh, he's already been cut off.

Okay, well, let's say we go back to JJ. He's kind of getting lonely, and he's

starting to touch himself, and I'm getting nervous. Okay, so, JJ, do you

have any more questions for any one of these three lovely babes?

No. No? It sounds like you've made your selection.

I think I have. Well, it sounds like you've made your selection. Okay, well,

without further ado, JJ Michaels, which one of these three lovely babes would

you like to take out on a...

quote-unquote match game date, where we'll go ahead and invite you to the

lovely mattress whereupon you'll have sex.

All right.

I'm going to have to go with Bachelorette No. 3. Bachelorette No. 3!

Let's give it up for Bachelorette No. 3. Well, why don't you go ahead and take a

look at Bachelorette No. 3. This is the woman that you'll be getting intimate

with. Bachelorette No. 3, Santa Fe, meet J.J. Michaels.

Hello.

Well, I'll tell you what. I'm sure you don't want to see this, because in case

you've ever seen Wild Kingdom, you've seen already animals mating. So, why

don't you go ahead and step off to the side.

We'll have you back here really shortly.

And Santa Fe and J.J. Michaels, they're about to get intimate. And what better

way to get intimate with crappy 70s music? Can we get that really bad 70s

music, please?

There it is.

And as our crew pushes our mattress towards our loving couple, they eagerly

attack each other like a wounded gazelle and a hyena in the Serengeti.

We'll be back, JJ.

Let's take a look at that.

There you go.

Oh!

Oh!

Take your time, have fun, enjoy this game.

Well, so much for our crappy 70s music.

JJ, whenever you're ready, my friend.

Let's have her taste the paste.

Give her that jism baptism, my friend.

Lean back, JJ.

Pretty good day, John. All right.

Let's give it up for JJ Michaels and the lovely and very curvaceous Santa Fe.

Okay, well, you guys were fantastic.

Oh, my gosh. Hey, do you guys mind having a seat real quick? I got a couple

questions for you.

As they gather up their selves. Up here? There you go. Wow, that was fantastic.

JJ, you're the man.

You were just out of control.

Yeah, Tim.

Santa Fe.

I see you kept our young stud here very happy.

I tried.

Hey, listen, you know, the calls are just flying in after that hot scene.

Caller, are you there?

Hello, Caller. Hello.

Hi, who are we talking to?

Dave. Dave, do you have a question here for lovely Santa Fe or very studly JJ

Michaels? Santa Fe.

How many times did you come?

Or did you come?

Oh, I definitely came.

I'm still a bit out of breath.

How many times did you come?

Twice.

Wow. That's one more than JJ.

We have a lovely dinner for two in Tijuana, California. That's right. You

can go there, the two of you right there, and have a lovely $20 shopping

spree. That's right. And you can just wash down those tequilas with the extra

$5 coupe.

pond that we give you over at Tijuana Joe's. Okay.

Well, listen, you guys have been fantastic.

And, of course, we do have some towels. And for JJ, we have a hose in the back.

Okay. So nice to see you. And we hope you guys come again soon.

Let's give it up for JJ Michaels and our lovely Santa Fe.

Well, as you see back in our studio, we have babe number one, which, as we

remember, was Timber. And, of course, babe number two, which was Charlie.

And, of course, we got a newcomer. And that newcomer is...

Let's describe her.

That's right. She was born in, you guessed it, Hollywood, California.

And she's into guys with hairy backs and with short names like Vinny.

Let's give it up for Wildcat. How you doing, Wildcat?

I'm doing fine.

Gosh, look how cute you look over there. And look, you've got that little leopard

skin, kind of like that goes with your name, kind of Wildcat, huh?

Yeah. Now, Wildcat, you're not related to, like, Tomcat or Wildcat, are you?

Okay, okay.

How'd you get that name, really?

I just, uh... I've always been called cat, and I feel like I'm wild these

days, so wild cat suits me fine.

Well, there you go. That's perfect.

Well, are you guys ready? Are you three babes ready for our next stud?

And that stud would be, that's right, he's drove by Hollywood, California.

He's never really lived there, but he is the one and only Joel Lawrence. That's

right. He's a regular guy. He's nothing out of the really extreme.

And, of course, he has his own favorite saying, which is, if I'm going to dish

out, she's going to put out. Let's give it up for Joel Lawrence.

How you doing there, Joel?

Well, thanks.

Great, great. You look good. I like that outfit. You look real snappy.

I'm going to buy an iron next week.

Looks like you just came out of a suitcase.

Well, Joel, are you ready to have a date with any one of our luscious babes over

there? Oh, I sure am.

Okay. Well, we see you go ahead and ask one of the questions for our lovely

bench. Okay.

Bachelorette number one, if we were camping together and you woke up with

the cheeks of your ass stuck together, would you tell anyone?

Probably not.

I probably wouldn't tell anyone.

I'd keep it to myself.

I bet not.

When we were camping.

Bachelorette number two,

If you were a sports car, what kind of car would you be, and would you have a

sliding cup tray?

Good question.

I think I would be a Mercedes sports car.

They're really roomy.

Yeah,

I guess I would have a sliding cup tray.

Ah, see, she loves to have those drinks. She likes that white stuff.

Bachelor number three, describe what makes a really good blowjob.

Well, working the guy up when he's soft, when he's hard.

Creamy cum everywhere, I guess.

I gotta get a pen and paper. These are just phenomenal answers on these

questions. Uh, caller, are you there?

Hello, caller.

Hi. Hi, who are we talking to?

Mike. Mike, do you have a question for any one of our lovely bids?

I have a comment. First of all, Joel can't go wrong.

Yeah. Joel, you're gonna score a big bid.

He's gonna win no matter what.

And, uh, I'd like to sleep behind Timber.

Oh.

And that's him, since she doesn't mind waking up with sticky cheeks.

I'd like Wildcat to give me a nice blowjob.

Oh, Wildcat and the blowjob.

Yeah, and I'd love to lick Charlie's asshole.

Talk about a trifecta, huh? There you go.

Oh, Charlie, you are sweet.

I think you've had plenty of questions, plenty of time. You've also had a chance

to hear from our callers. You kind of know what all, kind of inside scoop

there on any one of our three babes. So, without further ado, which one of the

lovely babes is going to be your date tonight? Or more to the point, just have

sex with you on the cushion we have right there.

Um, I think that I'll have to pick babe number one. Babe number one! Oh, the

lovely giver, Mickey Butchie.

Take off that mic. You want to let go there. And, Timber, why don't you stand

up? Why don't you meet Joel right here? This is going to be your lovely date, or

more to the point, your sex partner for the next 12 minutes.

And, ladies, of course, you can go ahead and sit off to the side and let the

question mark you seat, the mating gazelles right here. Okay.

Well, obviously, Joel knows what he wants, and he gets right to it.

Can we get some really crappy 70s music, please?

Elevator music, please.

Wow.

Guys,

if you step over to the side here, and our handy crew here will go ahead and

scoot our mattress of love in.

There we go.

I'll just fondle Timber's sticky butt right here. Okay, go ahead, Bill.

Wow.

All right, that's a great date there Joel Well, just kick back relax and

enjoy yourself

Joel,

can you lean back for us buddy?

I don't think so buddy.

Isn't there a gong or something?

Joel,

it seems like you would like to take this lovely lady kind of somewhere

private. Is that it? Maybe that would be a good idea.

Okay. Well, tell you what, Joel.

Why don't you come on and get on up there?

Well, that's the problem.

Oh, you meant get on up. Get up.

Timber, stand on up there.

Let's kill that 70s music. Get rid of that 70s music. Please, why don't you

two have a seat over there?

I can almost tell that there was definitely some kind of spark, one of

those private sparks.

So we definitely have a little something for both of you guys. But before we get

to that, we definitely have a caller who would love to talk to either one of you

two. Caller, are you there?

Yeah. Hi, who are we talking to?

Chad.

Okay, do you have a question for either Timber or for Joel Lawrence there?

Yeah, I just want to know, first of all, Jonathan, do you need a sidekick?

Do I need a sidekick? Gosh, God, do I need a sidekick.

I need an extra hand. Do you think you can give me that extra hand?

Yeah, absolutely.

You know, kind of when the girls are getting really horny and stuff, maybe

you can kind of fluff them.

Oh, I absolutely could do that. Well, there you go. There you go. But do you

have a question, though?

Yeah, Timber, could you bend over and let us see your ass?

Oh, there you go.

Oh, yeah.

That's it.

Wow. Huh?

Well, thank you so much for calling.

Oh, no problem.

Well, Joel wants to sit on over there. Yeah, there you go, Joel. I got used to

that seat.

Okay.

Get relaxed. Sit down. We got a flood of callers here. There is definitely a

spark between you two.

Next caller, are you there?

Hello? Hi, who are we talking to?

This is Paul.

Paul, Paul, do you have a lovely question?

A lovely question?

Do you have a question for the lovely Timber or Joel Lawrence? It's not me.

Yeah, Timber.

I was wondering, is your pussy real wet right now?

Mm-hmm.

Is it like dripping wet?

Of course.

How about we take a little closer look?

Well, you think you can maybe have the viewing audience take a look? You think

we can open up your legs, take a look, see how wet that's? Get a nice real

close-up? Yeah, get real close there, gentlemen.

How's that?

Oh, that's pretty nice.

Uh-huh.

That's really sweet.

Ooh, that sucker is dripping wet.

Man. Like, do you ever squirt by any chance?

Kind of stumped you, didn't it? Well, you can push me to multiple

orgasms, yes.

So if you have multiple orgasms, then you can squirt? Mm-hmm.

But I'm a hard pleaser, though.

Yeah, she's hard to please.

Like, what exactly does it take?

I don't know. Just a lot of sex.

A lot of sex.

A lot of sex, huh?

With one person or just a plethora of them? It could be with one person. Oh,

okay.

I'm definitely hard for you right now, babe.

Okay, well, let's go on to our next caller.

Next caller, are you there?

Hello, caller.

Hello. Hello.

Hi. Hi, who are we talking to?

This is Jim. Jim, how are you doing today?

I'm very good. Good, good. Do you have a question for either Timber or Joel

Lawrence? I have a suggestion.

Okay. I think we should kick Joel off the set here.

Kick Joel off the set? Oh!

I was waiting for some time to humiliate me. I mean, I knew we could not go

through three or four without at least one. Joel is a very romantic man. He

likes the intimacy. He likes to be alone with his woman when he gets very

intimate. Isn't that right, Joel? Can we ban him from the industry?

Oh, Jesus.

Listen, callers, if you're going to call up and harass poor Joel, well, could you

make it stretch it out? I know. We have at least ten more minutes to fill.

Oh.

I'd like to see Charlie, though, actually.

You'd like to see Charlie? Let's bring her back. I think she might be kind of a

tease tonight.

Well, maybe we might be able to satisfy that. Great.

Well, I'll tell you what.

You know, the callers are just flooding in. You know, of course, they want to

talk to Timber.

Obviously, Joel, you just sparked a bunch of callers. I inspire a lot of

people out there, I can tell.

You're self-included, I'm sure.

I'm just sitting here in amazement.

Caller, are you there?

Hello, caller.

Yes. Hi, who are we talking to? I'm talking to Gene from Atlanta.

Gene, how are you doing there, buddy? Hi, how are you? Good, good. Jonathan, I

have a big admire of yours from a long time back. I have watched a lot of your

movies, and I think a lot of you. Ah, stop. And I wish I could be one of you.

Ah, stop.

Let me move on. Let me go to Joe and Kimberly.

I think they've done an excellent job.

But Kimberly, I tell you, you took it all the way from me.

I mean those nipples.

They could be stove eyes on top of a grandma's kitchen.

I'm from Atlanta, and I mean they look good.

You like those? I like that, but my name is Timber, not Kimberly.

Kimberly, I'm sorry.

Timber. Timber, I'm sorry.

Timber, why don't you just show the young man there those big, luscious

breasts. How does that look there?

They look very, very, very tempting.

Timber, yeah, just put those tits right up into the camera. Get in there,

cameraman.

There you go. I'm on the television, but I can't follow over it.

Oh, my gosh. I'm telling you, those nipples, they'll poke out at night.

I'm telling you.

Woo, look at those things. Those will cut through glass.

Oh.

Whoa. Okay, well, thank you so much for calling.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Let's get our very horny cameraman back off the stage.

Well, you guys were fantastic.

And like I said, you know, I can honestly tell that there's a little bit

more private that you want to be and not just butt on a big set.

So, in the big... You're booting us. In the big... That's the nicest boot I ever

heard. Wait, it gets better, Joe. Oh, man. Knee deep?

It gets better. Knee deep. Get on your way here. Okay.

Well, we have, that's right, an all-expense night.

To Juicy Jack's House of Love!

That's right. You're going to spend a fun-filled evening at Juicy Jack's.

That's right. It's the only motel which actually has adult movies playing while

the vibrating bed is going.

That's right. So maybe then you two can get really sexy and get down right

nasty. So, I'll tell you what. We have some towels and, of course, we have some

models that we need you to sign. And then, of course, my assistant will give

you your prize.

Okay?

Well, thank you so much, Timber. Thank you so much. Let's give it up for Joel

Lawrence and Timber, ladies and gentlemen.

Joel, do you want to take some of your garments here?

Maybe you can take it for Timber.

The belt?

The question?

Okay.

Okay, yeah, that lovely theme music.

Okay.

That's the type of theme music where you just want to go up to a bell tower with

a semi-automatic weapon and thin out the crowd. Okay.

Well, as you can see, we have two luscious babes left.

And, of course, let's introduce them.

It's babe number two, the lovely Charlie, and babe number three, the ever

-wild Wildcat. How you doing?

Round.

Quick, can we get a saucer of milk and a scratching post? Okay.

Oh, well, you know what? You guys are the only ones left.

He's funny.

She's sitting there, he's funny, just don't get him near me, though.

Well, tell you what, let's get a couple callers. Maybe they've got some

questions for you guys, because you guys are sitting there all by yourselves.

Caller, are you there?

Yeah. Hi, who are we talking to?

This is Paul again.

Paul, how are you doing, Paul?

Good. Good, good. You enjoying the show?

Yeah. All right. Well, do you have a question for either Charlie or Wildcat?

I've got a major crush on Charlie. That's why I got called back.

Oh, I had to call back for Charlie, didn't you? Thank you.

Well, do you have a question for her, or would you just like for us to just zoom

in on her, and then you can jerk off?

Oh, that'd be great, too.

Oh, my God.

Okay, let's see. Are you open to all three inputs?

Are you a three-input girl?

Yeah.

She says that kind of hesitantly. I'm sorry. I'm a little shy, but yeah.

Yeah. You know who you look like?

Katie Lane.

I hear that all the time.

That's cool, though.

You know, I'm kind of stuck on the three input thing. You think you could just

kind of, you know, for the fans out there, I'm sure, do you think you could

just lift up your skirt and kind of just show us?

Oh, yeah.

That's the main, that's, yeah. Okay. There it is.

There it is.

Wow. Let's get in there. There's one, there's two, no.

Oh, let's get in there. We didn't get in there. We didn't get in there. Let's see

it. Come on. We didn't get a close-up.

Oh, my gosh. Look at that.

Gosh. Wow.

Oh, my God. That's pretty.

That's Charlie the human all-you-can-eat buffet.

Have you got a fan club or somewhere?

No, I'm sorry.

I don't. Or an address?

Not yet.

Apparently Charlie's not set up yet, but I'm sure you will be. No, I should be.

I've been in for about a year and a half.

I'm lazy.

How many movies have you done?

About 150.

They're all with women.

All with women? No way.

When are you going to do guys?

I do occasionally.

Occasionally. In the movies?

Yeah, in the movies. Okay.

Well, thank you so much for calling, Colin. Is there any chance I can, any

way I can write to you?

At least.

Okay. Just write to the video companies that you've seen me in, and they'll

somehow get it to me.

Especially Brew 7 and Exquisite Pleasures. They will definitely give it

to me.

All right.

Thanks. Sorry.

Okay.

Well, I'm sure we've got some more callers out there that would love to

just talk to you about fan clubs.

Caller, are you there?

Yeah. Hi. Who are we talking to?

This is Kathy.

Kathy. How are you doing today?

Yeah. I've got two questions.

Go ahead. Hit. Okay. First, my boyfriend wants to see Charlie.

What a shock.

Okay, well, cameras, zoom on in there to Charlie.

It's not like you haven't zoomed in there before.

And what's your other question?

Okay, I want to know if Joe's dick ever really got hard.

Oh!

Well, actually, we have had confirmation that it was hard.

Now,

speaking for Joel's thing, I mean, obviously, Joel likes a woman where

there's not 15 people around him.

So, but Joel, you know, he's a stand-up guy, and he did the best that he could

do. Okay, well, he still wants to see them tits.

Okay. Not yours. Oh, shit. Oh, Jesus.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, hello.

Look at those.

There you go.

They're kind of stunned everywhere.

He likes them a lot.

Thank you.

Okay. Well, thank you so much for calling.

Obviously, the calls are just flooding in.

So please, callers, go ahead and call on in. This is obviously the Charlie Show.

So you can call on in and ask Charlie any question you want.

Caller, are you there?

Yes. Hi, do you have a question?

Yes, Bachelorette number two?

Don't!

Or number three?

No, number three.

Oh. Number three. That's Wildcat. Yes, we really want to see her feet.

Her feet?

If she'd be willing to show them. Oh, that's what she lives for. Honey, why

don't you go ahead and show us your feet.

Keep in mind, this is a short show, so let's get them on.

Oh,

look at that.

Oh, my gosh, they actually have five toes.

Could she caress them? Could she caress them?

Or maybe Charlie could.

French manicure there, too.

Gosh, look at that. And if Charlie could show hers as well.

There you go.

Can you see it through the nylon? Could you guys like touch feet?

Yeah, I could get touch feet. Yeah, there you go.

My husband is enjoying this very much. Oh, look at that, huh?

Hey, I could do that without these feet. Okay, he just came.

He is squirting.

Is he squirting? He's squirting from feet.

Aw, man, and we're not there.

Thank you very much. Thank you so much for calling, caller.

Okay. Wow. That was fun.

Wasn't that neat?

Huh? We got all our callers. They're just so interested in feet and three

inputs and whether or not Charlie has a fan club.

Not bargain.

Okay. Well, tell you what, guys.

Unfortunately, we've run out of bachelors.

or studs or uh chumps that we pick up off the streets so tell you what uh we

got time to kill and well i haven't been laid yet so what we're gonna do is

something kind of interesting here kind of one of my fantasies what we're gonna

do is we're gonna actually have you two girls start to make wild passionate love

to each other and then we're gonna have the callers go ahead and call up and

they're gonna vote on which one of these two lovely girls i'm gonna have sex with

Okay, see, I'm kind of giving, give and take, give and take.

Okay, so without further ado, why don't you guys go ahead and join us on the

love mattress here. All right. And we'll go ahead and put some of that crappy 70s

music on to get you in the mood.

We're having technical difficulties here.

Just rip it off. Here, you do yours.

God, now I don't feel bad when I can't get them off.

They were ours and we had to get them off.

We got them down.

I think it was Robin.

It's so worthful.

Do you think you could have a dildo?

A dildo? Well, doubling low and behold.

Oh, wow.

A woman wants a dildo. I give her dildos. I'm a giver.

Oh, no.

Move your leg down.

Ready to come. Let's hear it.

Make it loud.

And a lovely wildcat. Oh, my gosh.

Wow, ladies, ladies, please have a seat there.

Gosh, that was fantastic. Yeah, wildcat, sit.

Wildcat in the middle seat.

There you go.

Okay. Yeah, let's switch it around. Maybe we'll confuse the callers.

Gosh, ladies, that was fantastic.

There. Charlie, you were just screaming out there. Were you, like, coming? Oh,

yeah. Wow.

That thing that you had where you were sitting up on top and you're, whew.

I'm telling you, that was just incredible.

You know, the callers are just flooding in. I'm sure after seeing that, they

definitely want to talk to you, too.

Callers, are you there?

Yeah. Hi, who are we talking to?

Darren. Darren, do you have a question for the lovely Charlie or Wildcat?

I have to say that was excellent, what I just saw.

Was that incredible?

Oh, yes, it was.

I mean, the way that they got in those positions, it was like, whew.

Yeah.

I think, whew, that's it all.

Yeah, that's about it.

Do you have any questions for him?

Yeah, Charlie,

I think you are very beautiful.

Could you play with your tits a little bit?

I'm sorry?

Can you play with your tits? Yeah.

What was that? Could you have Jonathan play with your tits? Yeah, can you have

Jonathan play with your tits?

It must be a bad signal. I thought it was, can Charlie play with the tits?

No. Well, thank you so much for calling.

Thank you.

And keep on watching.

Do we have another caller there on the line?

Hello, caller. Jonathan, I will tell you that I think Wildcat was very good.

I like Charlie a little bit better.

I've never been able to get through on this show, and I would like to request

that if Charlie is not a smoker, to wear a pair of gloves while she's doing you,

because I think she's going to win.

And those are my two fetishes.

Okay. Since I'll probably never get through on the show again, I'd

appreciate it if she could do that or pretend to smoke at the end of the sex.

Thank you very much. Well, I don't smoke, but I'll pretend just for you.

Okay. Appreciate that, Charlie. Thank you. There you go. Big star.

Okay. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Well, there you have it. The calls are coming in right now, as you can hear.

It's a battle between Wildcat and Charlie. Which one is going to be the

lucky lady that's going to take the tube of love from me?

Charlie's like, oh, God, please.

Hi, who are we talking to?

Rob. Rob, hi.

Do you have a question for Wildcat or Charlie?

I was wondering, can I fuck the one that you don't get to fuck?

Oh, can you fuck the one I don't get to fuck?

Oh, gee, wow.

I think that'll have to be up to either one of the lovely ladies, because

they're both sitting there, what the hell is he talking about? Well, if you

were here, maybe.

Well, there you go, Charlie. If you're not here.

Charlie was offering it. If you were here, she would definitely take you up

on your offer.

But unfortunately, you're not here.

You should be here. You should be in our studio audience. Then you'll get a

chance to be with Charlie.

That's for sure.

Well, thank you so much for calling.

Okay, well, ladies, gosh, you are just fantastic.

I hope you're not just rushing out with all those answers for those questions

that you're getting. I notice you're just chatter-mouthing it up over there.

Caller, are you there?

Yes, I am. Hi, who are we talking to?

You're talking to Dan from Southern California. Hey, Dan the man.

Excellent, Dan the man. So, Dan, do you have a question for Wildcat or Charlie?

Well, first I've got to say, Charlie, you obviously win. You're so

fantastically beautiful.

You look exactly like Fiona Apple.

Oh, thank you. It would be so wonderful if you drew the letter D on your crotch.

It would make my millennium.

Draw the letter D.

Oh, I would.

I would if I had any pubic hair.

I'd shave it into a letter D.

Oh, man.

You know what? I just might do that. I'll grow it out just for you and put a

D there.

Well, I didn't even mention pubic hair, so I don't know quite what you're

talking about. Oh, you might put ink there.

I'm so glad you didn't win with that last guy because he was so lame. I can't

believe it. I could put it right there.

Oh. Right there. There's a spot for it.

Excellent. Thanks. Oh, man.

Nothing more exquisite than that place on you. But only for you, Dan.

Draw D. Please draw D.

Here.

There you go.

Okay.

You win.

You win.

Well, thank you so much for calling, Dan.

Obviously, my volume on my level is perfect because my ear is bleeding.

No, hey, man, I held the phone away just for your benefit.

Oh, you're a giver, Dan.

Don't hate you because you give.

Okay.

Right now there's, what do I have, a group of guys going, that's right,

Charlie, it's Rodney.

Okay, do we have another caller?

Hello? Hello, who are we talking to? Kelly.

Kelly, hi, do you have a question for Charlie?

My question, or actually it's not a question. I think what you should be

able to do is go with both of them.

You know, I mean, why leave one of them out?

Okay, there you go.

Don't you think so?

I completely think so.

And I think that'd be great to watch.

And Charlie is just absolutely gorgeous.

Thank you.

She's phenomenal.

And that's about it.

Okay, well.

Charlie's ego will have to be pushed out the doors of this studio as we grease up

the sides of the door. She's like, that's right, I'm all about anabagas.

As well it should be.

I don't have an ego.

You don't have an ego?

No, I don't have an ego.

You're just one of those down-to-earth folks, aren't you?

Well,

that's pretty good. Charlie, have a good night.

You too, thank you. Okay, bye.

Okay, well, the results are coming in.

And apparently for Charlie, we have 52 votes.

For Wildcat, we have 54

votes for Wildcat.

Thank you. You can see Charlie going, thank God.

Okay, well, Charlie, we have some nice consolation prizes for you. Oh, well,

thank you. And so tell you what.

If you want to go off to the side, our assistant will go ahead and give you

that $5 coupon for a drink at our favorite restaurant. That's right.

It's Juicy Jack's Wild Junkyard of Fun.

Okay, so thank you very much, Charlie. Thank you.

Everyone, let's give it up for Charlie, ladies and gentlemen. Bye.

Okay. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye now. It was close, Charlie. Could have gone either way. You were

very close.

Oh, come on. Come on. Bye-bye. Hey, listen, there's five bucks out there. Go

get yourself a drink, honey, huh? You're out of control.

Now you.

You, on the other hand, well, you've heard those callers and stuff.

They just, uh, well, they've given you the lucky prize of me.

Yeah.

So, what do you say we give those viewers what they called for? Why not?

Mmm. Mmm.

oh

uh oh

Oh.

Oh.

Thank you.

You can put it on your face.

You ready?

Yeah?

Okay, put a fork in you, I'm done.

Okay, well, that was fantastic.

Sorry, I can't actually pin it onto anything. Well, maybe, oh, okay.

Well, Wildcat, you were fantastic. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Gosh, thank you, callers, for voting Wildcat. But I'll tell you what, let's

bring out all our contestants on out there, all our babes, all our studs.

Come on out here.

Look, it's like a fire call. They're running out of here.

Okay, yeah, just come on in. Get crowned on up there, Joel. Find a space.

You guys kept my clothes.

Oh, well, we like that.

Well, you know what? We just got a ton of calls that would love to talk to each

and every one of you.

Caller, are you there?

Hello, Caller.

Hello? Hi, who are we talking to?

You're talking to Denny out in Vegas.

Denny, how you doing?

Just fine.

Good. Do you have a question for any one of our lovely babes or maybe Joel

Lawrence? Well, actually, I was calling in to vote before you got in on Wildcat

because I wanted to see you take on Wildcat, and you did what I wanted. I

wanted to see Wildcat suck your dick.

Ah, there you go.

Geez.

Johnny's a pretty girl, but those little titties and long hair on Wildcat set it

off.

Wildcat, why don't you just tantalize him and tell him exactly how old are

you? I'm 19.

Huh?

I don't think that says it all.

That says a lot.

Okay, well, not that I'm like that. Not that there's anything wrong with that,

but anyway.

Well, gosh, do you have any questions for any one of our other lovely babes?

Okay, apparently not. Well, you guys were just fantastic, and I want to thank

each and every one of you. More importantly, I'd like to thank each and

every one of you privately in my dressing room.

But, uh...

Tell you what, what do you say you go ahead, look at the monitor right there,

look at the camera, and what we're going to do is we're just going to go ahead

and give a big mating game kiss to all the guys out there and all the girls.

So, without further ado, there you go.

Wave, everyone. Wave goodbye to all those lovely people out there.

And, of course, my lovely bing-bong.

Yeah.

Keep waving.

Okay,

stop waving.