Original subtitles

Whatever you do, when we interview her, don't use that term, okay?

She's an adult star. She's not a porn star.

Fine. Adult.

Maybe I should just call her Trixie.

No, no, no, no.

Her real name is Skye. Her porno name is Trixie. You cannot call her clients by

their porno names.

Don't you mean adult names?

You're funny.

Hi.

Are you two the ones who work for that new dating service?

Actually, we are the dating service. Black tie. I'm Ryan. This is Candy.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

I'm Charles.

Howdy. Do you live around here, Charles?

Work. I'm a couples therapist.

Really? We should work something out. I mean, you know, when your clients break

up, you can send them an off.

That's funny.

Let me guess. You want to postpone your appointment for the 10th time.

I'm calling because I have to postpone my interview.

For the 10th time!

Do you realize we're here at 9 in the morning for you?

I realize it's 9 o'clock in the morning, but I have a favor to ask. Let me guess.

Let me guess.

You want us to come to you.

You think maybe you guys could come to me? I have such a busy schedule this

month and... Why did you turn that off? Why not? I know everything she has to

say.

Okay, so what are you doing now, then? Flipping a coin.

See which one of us gets to hang on a porno set all day.

It's an adult set, first of all. And we both do, you horned dog.

Keep it in your pants, Ryan.

I didn't say a thing.

Not out loud, you didn't.

Your pack?

I never left.

Only in spirit.

Well, it wasn't in spirit, I meant.

Gee, I wonder where your head was at.

The thing with guys is that they don't realize that this is just work, you

know? That's why I had you guys visit the set today, so you could see for

yourself.

Yeah, I can see it's all very technical, but it's still sex, I know.

You have no idea how hard it is to find a guy that's confident enough to deal

with this.

I can imagine, I mean...

Not every guy wants to compete against a sort of nine-inch male.

But even confident guys need some reassurance, huh?

Don't ask me. I look at relationships. Well, not the sex part.

But when it comes down to making an actual relationship work... So what's

the longest relationship you've had?

Put it like this.

Never long enough to have a real orgasm.

Come again?

I mean... You're funny.

It's true, I've become a master of the fake orgasm. I almost can't remember the

last time I had a real one.

With someone else, I mean.

That's because?

Because I just can't go there unless there's feelings involved.

It's just that one part of me I just can't give away.

And you want us to find a really great guy who's going to stick around long

enough to make that happen, right? Yeah. And in the meantime, I guess I'll keep

faking those orgasms.

It's okay. Men never really know the difference anyway.

The truth is men can always tell the difference when a woman fakes an orgasm.

That's not true.

Yes, it is, Margaret.

No, it isn't, Ted.

Yes, it is.

Listen to Charles. He's an expert.

Well, yeah, on relationships, but not sex.

Why?

My point is, a man, a sensitive man, can always tell when a woman is faking.

But are you sure about that? I mean, maybe you should ask your girlfriend one

time. You may be surprised.

Well, I'm not with anyone right at this very moment, but I'll keep that in mind

for the future.

Wait, so are you saying you faked an orgasm with me?

No.

Not often.

Sometimes.

When? I mean, last year, last month?

Last night.

I was already a week behind in grading my class' term paper, and I was actually

kind of engrossed in this one about flightless birds.

Didn't say anything because I know how sensitive we've both been about our

relationship lately.

It's not that the sex wasn't great. It was.

I just couldn't get this image of that last poor dodo bird out of my head.

I'm sorry, honey.

You know I love you.

A dodo bird, huh?

Yes.

Gone but not forgotten.

Well, I guess I can share one of your orgasms with a dodo bird.

I mean, hey, we owe them at least that much, right?

Right.

Thanks again, Charles.

We always leave here feeling so much better.

It's you guys who do all the work. Oh, please, don't be modest. You know you're

the king of relationships.

Oh, and sorry about my snippy remark.

Which remark?

The one about you not being a sex expert.

I'm sure you're the king of that, too.

Well, next to my man here.

Look, this guy's asking for somebody who doesn't exist.

He does. We just have to find him.

If a guy's an expert in relationships, he's not going to want a girlfriend who

has sex for a living.

How would you know? She might be able to teach him a thing or two.

Come in.

No, he wouldn't need to be taught anything.

If he's an expert in love, he's an expert in sex.

Not necessarily.

He might just be a guy with too many damn degrees.

You think you guys can help me with that?

You do this every morning?

No, I usually climb the other side. This is the easy trail.

It's okay. You're doing awesome. The other guys I bring up here usually pass

out by now.

So this is part of the first aid initiation?

Well, it's more like my little barometer.

That's a good idea.

Hiking's a great way to get to know someone.

Fresh air, solitude, people really open up.

I'm more like my little fitness barometer. You don't see how much

stamina they've got.

I hope you're a strawberry fan.

I, um, I trust him with fresh cream.

What?

Never mind. I'm just trying not to read into things too much here.

Like what? You mean the fresh cream remark?

All I meant was I like cream with my berries.

I like them naked, too.

I'm glad.

Look, I'm not going to pretend like I'm not a little in my head here.

Is it my cue to start reading into things?

Maybe.

Who knows? This whole date could be Freudian-filled.

I mean, let's be honest. It's not every day you get a chance to go on a date

with a couple therapists.

I know it's a little weird.

You know, Charles, I think it would do you a world of good to just let her rip.

What do you mean?

I mean, go ahead, ask me. What's it like to get laid for a living?

I'm kidding.

Yeah, because that's not all that I want to know.

I mean, I do suppose I find it interesting, you working in the adult

film industry.

Lots of insight into... Into what?

Well, for example, into... You know what?

For a couple of therapists, you start to have a hard time opening up.

I'm sure you're good once you get into your relationship groove.

That's a real bitch getting over that first hump, though, isn't it? First

hump? Now, doctor, I'm starting to think it's you who has a filthy mind.

Hey, relax.

God, you really are uptight.

Not really.

I mean, compared to some of your colleagues, yeah.

My colleagues?

Charles, Charles, Charles.

You spend too much time working and way too little time living.

Tell me, when was the last time you did it?

This morning. I had a couple sessions just before we came out here.

Not analyzing.

Doing it.

Oh, well, don't jump to conclusions here, but the last lover I had was

actually a patient.

Oh, yes.

Spicy.

Hey, it's not like I'm a total fuddy-duddy. I even have a tattoo.

Well, I hope it doesn't say fuddy-duddy. Show it to me.

What brought on this wild and crazy act?

Who, actually?

That patient, Teresa.

I was counseling her and her fiancé for a year.

It's funny, two more opposite people you've never met.

I don't understand.

I don't get it. Do you see him? Nick was more conservative than a pilgrim. Well,

she came off like she was born at a Stones concert.

I mean, come on.

Look at this guy. He doesn't care about our marriage.

Unfortunately, while that was one of the things that brought them together, it

was also the thing that split them apart.

After their breakup, Teresa kept seeing me alone.

Maybe it was because I reminded her of her ex, I don't know, but that's when

she started getting more intimate with me.

By the session.

Trust me, I tried everything in the book to resist her.

Before I knew it, she had us becoming really good friends.

And then a whole lot more.

What happened to this wildcat?

Nick came back into her life.

Well, ouch.

Serves you right for fooling around on the job.

What? No, I never... She wasn't my patient anymore when I... Hey, relax.

I'm kidding. I understand.

She just can break you.

Me? She's the one who needed breaking. Break you out, I mean, of your shell?

Come on, face it. You are a little... A little what?

I may love doing a parking lot, for Christ's sakes.

Yeah, but were you really intimate with her?

Well, what would you call it?

Besides wild sex, which you did everything in the book to resist, did

you ever share any real feelings with her?

Why would you ask me that?

Well, you're the doctor. You tell me.

Oh, or maybe that was the problem.

You never stopped being the doctor.

Doctor.

Did anyone ever tell you you're cute when you think?

You know what you need, my friend?

What's that?

Come on, this is nuts.

Just try and let go.

Now tell me, why did you go to Black Tie?

To meet a woman, of course.

Wrong. Dig deeper.

What, you think just to get laid?

No.

Although you did agree to go out with a woman who makes adult film.

Okay, why then?

You're the patient.

You say it.

Fine.

You think I agreed to date you because I thought you'd be safe.

That because you act in adult films, I wouldn't have to risk getting close.

Good.

Now, why would you want that?

I don't know.

I guess maybe because as a therapist, I'm afraid to admit that I'm as

vulnerable as everyone else.

Good.

Very good. Go on.

What, you want me to say that after ten years of hearing about people breaking

up that I'm scared to death of coming out from behind my desk and losing

control?

No, is that so hard?

Well, what about you?

Why did you come to Black Tie?

To meet a man who understands.

How lonely it can be, living your life, going through the motions with

strangers, and never experiencing anything real for yourself.

You're a good therapist.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Thank you.

Can I ask you something?

Your orgasms, were they, um... Real?

Of course.

All five of them were.

Why do you ask?

Well, I figure, you know, you're probably pretty good at, you know...

Faking them?

Not that good.

Don't you know the difference between real and fake?

I used to think I did.

But now I think it's time to admit that I've got a lot to learn.

You and me both.

Here's hoping we keep doing it together.

When you say it, do you mean... I mean no more talking.

Don't you think Charles will fall off the sky that quickly?

Absolutely. The question is, will she fall for him?

Well, of course. I mean, he's grounded, he's smart, he's sensitive.

I mean, that doesn't mean he's going to jump in the sack with her on the first

night. On the couch, on the other hand.

By the way, I have about 100 ex-clients I plan on sending your way.

Did he say 100 clients?

No, dummy. He said Dalmatians.

Oh.

I thought there was 101 Dalmatians.