Original subtitles

I feel guilty wasting time and space that could be used in a better way.

My journey is selfish and self-serving.

Biggest question I have is just what am I doing this for? I'm ready to go. I'm

tapping out. I just can't get enough to eat. I have to finish my net. If that

doesn't attract fish, I don't know what else to do.

I'm part of the ecosystem here.

The bears and I forage on the beach together at the same time. Like we got

something.

We're all eating well.

Everything is underwater.

But you know what? That doesn't matter. It's day 22.

I need to get to the top of that mountain.

Who are you when everything's been stripped away?

Gary out here in these woods.

I have not had a serious meal in a week. If I can't get a player, then I can't

stay here.

It's always in the back of your mind. Well, I can tap out.

Putting up with a filming booth?

We're running into a predator. It's not an if, it's a when.

Get the hell out of here. I see you. Get out of here.

I'm living a hand-to-mouth existence.

Yes!

$500,000 is a lot of money. It's just going to keep getting harder.

It's not the world that needs to pay. It's me that needs to pay.

chainsaw would be amazing.

Or a lightsaber.

Oh, I want a lightsaber so bad.

Seriously, okay, if you're going to have any of your science fiction weapons, the

lightsaber is the coolest.

Oh, yeah.

A lightsaber here. Now, could you chop firewood with a lightsaber and not have

it light on fire?

I don't know.

But it's a fantasy weapon, so I'm saying there's probably a setting on there that

says, yeah, chop firewood, don't light it on fire.

Oh, yeah.

It's just weird to think that as I'm sitting here in my shelter, a million

people could possibly be watching this moment in my life.

There's some guy sitting there, he's got a chicken thigh, and he's just eating

his chicken thigh, and he's watching me out here starving to death.

Yeah, well, I'm happy for him.

I really am. I'm happy for you, guy.

You know, enjoy the people around you.

Look to your right, look to your left, and realize that if you were me, you'd

be missing those people, okay?

And give them a hug.

I don't care who it is. Uncle Harry, you know what I mean? Give the man a hug.

Because being alone, being alone is a hard thing.

Apparently last night I did not catch any fish.

Frustration.

I've made a gill net.

It's a great gill net.

I just apparently suck at setting gill nets.

They're very snooty little fish.

I don't know what they want.

I can feel myself getting skinny.

I haven't been skinny since...

Never. I've never been skinny.

I don't have the energy to do all the things I need to do.

The high tide brought one of those big yellow cedar logs in.

If a half-ton log goes flying through my net at some point, it's going to tear it

to shreds.

So I've got to try and get a rope on it and then float it back someplace where

it won't be interfering with the net.

This cove is an unforgiving place. It does not bend to my wishes at all.

I'm going to try and roll this thing out into deeper water and then drag it down

the beach.

But it's not cooperating.

I've got to wait until the tide comes in and drag it out of the vicinity of my

nets.

This might not seem like a really good use for my time.

Getting that net up and getting it set right is so much work. And to have a log

like this just drift through and destroy everything and ruin that asset. Here we

go. Come on, move, move.

There's no sense in me just walking away from this log right now.

I got it this far, I've got to get it tied off because the way the current

circulates in the bay, it would take it right back to that corner.

This sucks.

I got a brand new log out there.

I just can't allow these thousand pound logs to drift around in the bay.

Who are you? That's an eagle.

Oh, that's a nice sound.

I wish I could see you.

This is what I've been working on. The ribs are in. The rest of the boat is

completed. And now that I have the frame of the boat built, I'm ready to put the

skin on.

The tarp I have for a skin is way thin.

It's not nearly strong enough for a proper...

Skin and frame boat, but it'll have to do I guess I just have to really Really

try to not touch the bottom when I go in and out of the boat

When you go hungry so long day after day after

day, that's really difficult My father rest in peace was born in 1928

and went through the Spanish Civil War as a kid he knew

what it was to be hungry. And I have learned so much about his point of view

from being hungry out here.

This is basically a gamble I'm taking, expending a lot of time and energy,

instead of conserving it, towards moving to wilderness living and away from

survival. Basically away from survival and into thrival.

The survival is fear-based.

Wilderness living is love-based.

They're actually opposite things.

Skin really worries me.

If it so much as lightly scrapes against a barnacle or a stone, it'll spring a

leak immediately, or worse.

If I have a boat ready, I can catch the salmon run.

But I'm so pressed for time, wondering if those salmon are running yet, and I'm

already missing the salmon migration.

I have no way to know.

I need to finish the boat pass and get out on the water.

is day 22.

I decided that on day 22, I was going to climb a mountain.

My shelter is about at least six inches underwater.

But you know what? That doesn't matter. Today is all about doing something for

the 22 veterans a day that commit suicide.

So I'm going to climb this damn mountain.

It's not day one.

It's day 22.

So I'm already, you know, wore out.

With everything that's going on, a lack of food, my shelter underwater.

Kind of really at the bottom of my rope right now.

So I need this.

What I wanted to accomplish out here was...

to serve as some sort of inspiration for the veterans that are out there that are

strong. People I consider brothers and sisters.

It's more symbolic, I think, than anything, but if I can summit this

mountain, maybe it will let other veterans know that it can get better.

About to go pretty much straight up here.

This is going to be...

Pretty tough because it's all deadfall

So this is extremely dangerous

It's like a damn jungle really

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

Right here.

You know, you hit one of these wrong, you break an ankle really quick.

You know, I chose this path because I thought it might be a little easier

going through the woods.

Boy, was I wrong.

My foot slipped between these two, and then I fell right inside of my knee.

Felt something pull.

Not sure how bad it is.

Sometimes that stuff can take a little bit to actually start swelling up.

So I don't know. I'll keep an eye on it.

See how it goes.

This is where I'm going.

Straight up this way.

And the rock's wet.

This is not going to be fun.

If this were any other climb on any other day,

there would probably not be any way on earth that I would actually do it.

Today is special.

And so I'm getting to the top of this damn mountain.

I don't care.

Don't normally condone driving on the roots when

that's all that there is.

All right, we just broke into...

Got real status.

One wrong move here.

And I'm done.

So I have to be very careful where I'm putting my hands, feet, everything

else.

My knee is starting to hurt.

So hopefully I didn't screw it up too bad.

If this is the last day, it was worth it.

It was worth it.

I've officially gained as much elevation as I can

on this mountain.

I don't get too excited about much, but it's pretty awesome.

And on day 22.

This is beautiful.

I don't even know how to describe it.

And to any of you guys out there that are

struggling to make that climb,

you know what I mean.

You can do it. You can.

You can.

Just don't give up.

Don't give up.

break from the pouring rain.

I don't know how long this break will last. So it still looks like it's coming

in pretty hard. So I'm going to take full advantage of this break and go

check my lines. A little hat on now and feel them warm. So time to go check.

Fingers crossed for a fish.

I don't know if you can see it, but there's a bear behind me.

I think that's the male.

The mama and cubs are usually here, so I think it's the male.

And it's kind of coming my way, so... Let's see where it goes.

Is it going to my gillnet?

It is in my net. It is at my net.

What is it going to do?

Probably smells me on it.

Good bear. Go around the net.

That's a smart bear.

Oh, my God. The bear's coming this way.

going back in those woods, so I'm just going to let it do its thing.

That was the male.

There's the mom and two cubs that are right here, and there's this male that

hangs out right here.

That's the male.

And that was a good-sized bear.

Came up around, and basically right where Gilnett was, and then went into

the woods there.

So it might come around. It's possible.

Hopefully it'll stay a little distance from my, like, right, got to come right

in my camp.

You never know what they're going to do.

Good morning.

It's day 23.

It's moving day.

So...

We're going to take this shelter completely apart

and move it over by the island today.

The last couple of days have been rough.

I woke up the other morning to my entire shelter floor soaking wet, and it's just

not feasible to stay there for an extended period of time.

Just a devastating blow.

Moving is a huge undertaking.

I thought, well, maybe after I get done climbing a mountain, then I'll just

hang it up.

And right now, that's the last thing on my mind. I feel recharged, re-energized,

and I feel like I can take on the world.

Being up on the mountain and coming down,

It got me to a place to where I said, okay, I can do

this.

I've been looking around through the woods at places that have higher

elevations than the last place that I was at with the groundwater.

I found a place that's fairly open. It requires a little bit of clearing out,

you know, brush and debris and stuff like that.

a triangle double lean to shelter so here goes nothing i also think

that i can suspend my hammock up and make a basically a raised bed

for myself to where i don't need necessarily flat ground on the bottom of

the shelter so that's that's what i'm going to do i don't have to worry about

groundwater

I don't have to worry about the tide coming in, and it should be a decent

place for me to put a shelter.

Should be set up to get the bed into place.

Tired and thirsty and hungry and whiny.

All right.

It's bed testing time.

We'll have just enough room to get in here.

And then lay down.

Oh, man.

Oh, yeah.

There's a fish caught in my gillnet. I have to get to it before the bear does.

Hello. Human coming. Bop, bop, bop, bop.

I'm not actually sure it's in my net.

My gillnet is down on one side. Something's been fighting it.

All right.

I do need to put the other side up that came down.

I'm cutting the head off it so it stops doing that. Oh, yeah. Sorry, honey.

Your dinner and lunch for a few days.

It's a really big one.

I'm actually having trouble eating it all. I usually don't eat this much.

It's not just all about fish and limpets and mushrooms.

You've got to get some greens in you.

I'm going to go on a little foray to look for some greens and some different

mushrooms.

Maybe some roots I can dig.

This is where the bears live up here, so probably let them know I'm coming.

Hello.

Hey, bear.

Oh,

no. Salmonberry.

My areas of survival expertise are medicinal herbs, plants. I make all my

own tinctures and medicines from what's around me in the woods.

Hello.

I have a master's in marine biology, which is helpful because I know the

intertidal species very, very well. I know what you can eat. I know what you

can't eat. I know about the ecosystem.

But plants are definitely a big thing that's in my wheelhouse.

I look up and down at the same time because, oh, there's some nice licorice

growing in there. Oh, I forgot that.

I had to use that for my tummy the other day.

Running a little short.

Oh, yeah.

some good licorice root.

I love this stuff.

You only need a little of it. It's really nice chopped up and made into a

tea, but if you're just eating it plain like this, it'll just be a

little nibble. I'm going to save this for later.

I'm going to go to Bear River, as I call it, or Bear Creek.

Here is... The leftovers of one bear's meal. I'm seeing bear tracks all around.

Tore into that.

Didn't finish it.

I don't know why I didn't finish it. It sure looks fresh.

There's also some small tracks around.

So mama bear's been here and cubs have been here.

Looks like this morning.

Let's see the teeth.

The salmon they've been eating.

Yep, berry bears have been very busy.

And there's where we're headed.

The bears are smart.

Wow. All right.

For now, let's keep walking.

So this is yellow.

It is antibacterial. It's good for wounds and all sorts of stuff.

But I find after I'm cleaning fish, if I wipe my hands with this, it gets rid of

the smell completely.

I don't smell fishy.

Oh, plantain. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. I haven't seen it in a year

yet.

So this is plantain.

You probably know it from your yard. You're like, it's a weed.

And it is edible.

It is also very, very medicinal.

This is the go-to plant right here.

It's plantain. So these stalks, these things, these seeds are all edible.

Plantain is delicious.

And you know what?

I need some greens.

So I'm actually going to collect some of this for dinner tonight.

Because you cook it up and it's a little bit like spinach.

Knowing the plants has been so useful.

Because surrounding me is my grocery store and surrounding me is my pharmacy.

Oh my God, I'm in heaven.

Seriously, this is awesome.

Hey kids, do I have something in my teeth?

Is there something in my teeth?

Am I good? Am I good? Okay, good checking.

Man,

that's tasty.

All right, time to head on back.

I can have my plant-aid tacos with my salmon.

This is not what I was hoping to find this morning, folks.

This is my gill net.

Actually, both of my gill nets and rough surf came in and destroyed everything

last night.

Look at these waves.

I, uh, wow.

I'm in a deep breath moment, so you just take a deep breath.

I don't know what to do with this thing.

It's all just untangled.

Hopefully there's something I can do with it.

I'm trying very hard not to think about anything other than today.

My whole strategy in getting through this thing is to take life one day at a

time, and I'm going to do my best at it. So I've got to fix the gill net.

This is an exercise in patience.

Getting emotionally upset only slows the process.

I have to take a deep breath, and if it takes me all day to get this thing to

the point that I need it to be, it will take all day to do it.

Seriously, everything I know about gill netting, I learned watching season one

of this show, so that sounds horrible.

It's the truth. I've just never had to gill net anything, ever, anywhere.

And to be quite honest, season one made gill netting look like...

An easy thing.

One gill net preserved, ready to go again.

Getting apprehensive about the weight loss.

Honestly, it is worrisome.

You know, it would be different if I could just eat every day, but that's

proving more difficult than I thought.

Seriously, the average American family throws more food away in a single day

than I've had in three weeks out here.

It's an eye-opener.

All those simple things you want have been taken for granted.

I get to put those in perspective right now.

And just drive through your neighborhood and look at all the restaurants.

We have such an abundance and a variety of food that it's entertainment for us.

Our entire diet is entertainment.

And to be totally cut off from all food.

Even a consistent level of salary is coming in.

It puts it in perspective, believe me.

I took that for granted.

I mean, I'm wasting away in here.

It should be like staying naked in front of the camera for 20 seconds.

Do a nice profile shot, you know.

It'd look like one of those weight loss commercials.

Some days it's hard to just bear up under this and continue to do this day

after day after day, knowing that I could make a phone call and end my

suffering.

This evening I could be in a warm bed, in a warm meal, in a hot shower.

I found sea lion bones in the water. It's been in the water for, who knows,

weeks, maybe months, so it should be a bit softer than it normally would be.

This sea lion bone is an important component of my boat building.

To put on the skin, you need to do some sewing and basically kind of chisel it

out and try to get a needle out of it.

If I pry hard on it, it could break through the eye of the needle, which is

a weak spot.

So I have to finesse it a little bit more.

I was blessed with a father that when I said, I want a boat or I want an

airplane, because I saw one on TV, he said, why don't we build one?

That's the kind of father I had. And has it ever come in handy? I have good

hands. I grew up with somebody training my hands, and I can build and craft like

there's no tomorrow.

This is a delicate part. If I break out of the needle, the whole work goes for

nothing.

Okay.

This most precious feature, the eye of the needle, that's what makes it

into a good tool.

I'm really anxious about that skin being so thin that after all this work, it can

puncture through the moment it scrapes against something. I'm thinking and

thinking of ways to prevent that, of course.

I have a plan in my head, plan A and B and C, of course, as usual.

And I hope they work out.

Good morning, sunshine.

It's sun and clouds now. The sun sometimes even peeks out. A little bit

of fog.

It's good weather for me to build, so I want to be building.

Finish that boat.

The chum salmon shows signs of starting to run. I best hurry, give it a go. And

with these cold nights, I'm sure the water temperature is lowering and

they'll get in the mood soon if they're not there already.

I just wish I had more time and more calories here to build and craft more.

I laid the skin on it, and I could have just gone on skinning, but I want to

protect that skin as much as I can, so I'm going to install some skid plates

and try to protect the skin in the places where it's most likely to chafe

against the keel and the stringers.

This is the hardest stitch in the whole boat.

This needle has a hard time with it.

I didn't bring any cordage, hoping that I would find something.

Just beach combing.

There's a lot of cordage material right here.

I don't have to worry about that for now.

So that was a lucky find.

This is very, well, homemade.

But if she floats and keeps floating for a while, I'll be

grateful.

I spent so much time working on my gill net.

And now, unfortunately, I got torpedoed by a giant yellow cedar log.

I've got a 600-pound log that floated in over top of my gill net. And now I've

got to figure out how to get that thing out of there and up onto the beach. And

that water is too deep for me to get into right now.

I have to get fish. I just have to get this.

The cove figured out where are the fish.

It's hard to do this without food.

Isolation, loneliness, lack of communication, hard labor, and the very

little return.

You work all day, come home hungry.

If I don't get some solid food out of that ocean, I'm not going to make it.

Part of me just is screaming to go home.

But... I can't do that to my kids.

I pray for my kids every night.

And I really miss them.

That's the hardest thing about being here.

Everything else I can handle.

Everything else I can handle. I start thinking about my kids. It just nails

me.

They've had to deal with a lot in life.

They have to have a chance to what?

To change their lives.

to make their lives easier.

Ultimately, that's what winning this thing would do for me, is to be able for

me to help my kids in ways they haven't been able to,

and to cop out on that because I'm cold or wet or

hungry.

No way.

I can't do that.

Because I wouldn't be able to live with myself having given that chance up to

change their lives.

I can't quit, okay?

I just can't quit.

Whatever I got to do, I can do, but I can't quit.

I'm going to eat some breakfast.

Breakfast of champions. Eat my salmon.

And I wanted to go check my gill net first.

Well, I've got a live one.

But I've got salmon right now I can eat on all day today for three meals.

It's really hard to predict when you're going to get fish. But on the other

hand, I don't want to catch them when I don't need them.

Hi, sweetheart.

Woo!

You are the best. Good morning.

Got to you in time.

We're going to let you go today, okay?

I'm going to walk you through it. I've done it before.

I'm sorry you're so tangled up in this net.

I don't really need it. Oh, honey. Yeah.

All right.

I know many people think I'm weird to set the fish free, but, you know, I

could use a new one tomorrow, but today I'm still eating on the fish I caught

the other day.

And if this were tomorrow, I would eat this fish.

But right now, it feels like it would just be wrong to take something that I

don't need.

You are really stuck in there. Wow.

I don't want cutting my gillnet to save you, but I would like to save as much of

my net as possible.

I've been able to catch so many fish.

I really feel blessed.

I have. I've been really lucky.

You're out.

All right. I'm going to go put this fish out in the deep water and let it

swim away.

I've got to do this really quickly.

You're good.

I got you. You are feisty. I'm glad.

You are alive and mad and I'm proud.

Yeah.

I'm going to get out deep.

I'm going to do it fast.

All right, you ready?

Oh, look at it. It's going away.

Bye.

I'm loving connecting with this beautiful land around me.

I feel at home.

Everything I need, all my needs are being met right now.

And I couldn't be more thrilled.

I'm coming to the conclusion that I have to exploit every last resource of food.

I'm getting worried.

Oh, look at that. Just freaking squished like a damn pancake, baby.

My mind is practically screaming.

Just give up.

The kayak is finished, ready to try it out.

In the end, the ocean will decide if she's seaworthy or not.