Original subtitles

So we lived together in this apartment, you and me?

Yeah, well, I think so.

Now you questioning it is starting to make me question it.

I'm sorry. I just don't remember this place.

Well, that's probably because we've lived in, like, five different apartments.

We were really good at getting kicked out.

Well, no, you are.

I'm really good at finding new apartments.

- So we're still the perfect roommates. - Yeah, we are.

Oh.

Which is what makes today so hard.

What? Why is today so hard?

Oh, I can't look at you. No reason.

Harper, are you hiding something from me?

No.

Okay, well, everything about this just feels weird.

- I've got to talk to Justin. - No, no, no, no.

You can't.

- Why? - Because...

Because, huh, today is a very big day.

It is... Whoo.

I gotta keep you in the apartment. I gotta not let you leave.

I have to, like, not tell you why. It's a lot for Harper!

- Okay, and how are you gonna do that? - Like this.

Ooh. Whoo!

Harper!

Hey, you know, you can't keep me in here forever.

I can just use magic to...

Hey, where's my wand?

Sorry. I love you so much.

Harper Finkle, you let me out of here this instant!

Hey, you gotta get over here. We've got a situation.

Let me out, or I'm gonna spill

all of your expensive face lotion!

Oh, and it's getting serious.

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ You could run into trouble if you go to extremes because ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

Don't worry. We'll text you the minute we figure out

why my dad left me this bear.

I can't believe my mom is making me come home.

What's she so mad about?

I left her a note telling her I was sleeping over.

You mean the note you're holding?

I gotta go.

Roman, did you find anything in that book about my dad's bear?

Yeah, so I think it's a blabber bear.

An enchanted secret keeper that can only be unlocked with a specific magical key.

So we just need to find a key that could be anything,

could be anywhere, and I might not even have.

Billie, I promise we're gonna figure this out.

I give you my vow as the smartest person you know--

Winter's the smartest person I know.

Really? That's what you're gonna say after my vow?

Billie, Alex is alive.

Well, that's great!

Wait, you're saying that like there was a chance she wasn't.

Well, she did go through a rift

into a horrifying dimension of monsters, so...

You know what, the important thing is she's alive!

- Well, then, let's go get her. - We will.

I just need to boost the signal on my quantum locator

so we can pinpoint exactly where she is.

Then we'll use your powers to open up the rift and pull her out.

Oh.

My powers are like any wizard's powers.

Well, I mean, any wizard as powerful as you,

so, yeah, you.

Now I need to go to Gnome Depot

for some fairy fiber, Radio Shrek for a crystal converter,

and then PriceCo.

'Cause we're out of toilet paper.

Uh, Billie, my dad just said he needs your powers

to open the rift, but you don't have your powers.

No, he said he needs a wizard as powerful as me,

and I know one. My dad. We just have to find him.

Harper, why are you kidnapping me?

I'm not kidnapping you. I'm... I'm holding you against your will.

- What's the difference? - Mine's a misdemeanor?

- Justin, what took you so long? - I was on a date.

A date? With who?

With my new girlfriend.

Oh, my gosh, hi! I'm Giada.

We left the hazards on! Just go around!

Love your place.

So, you're dating a redhead.

That's funny.

Why is that funny?

Well, it's not "ha-ha" funny. It's more like "laugh so I don't cry" funny.

Oh.

Touch that horn one more time, I dare ya!

It was so nice to meet you. We should have lunch sometime.

Totally...

...not doing that.

Justin, you gotta help me. Alex knows something's up.

Harper, let me out of here!

Is it 'cause you locked her in the bathroom?

Well, it definitely didn't help.

Alex is my best friend.

I can't not tell her that her boyfriend's coming over to propose.

It's Alex. Um, I just won't answer it.

Okay. Let's not panic.

I have an idea. I'll put a word swap spell on you.

Justin's here? I just called him.

Alex again. Just ignore it.

He did not just send me to voicemail.

Justin! Justin!

With slip of tongue, words lose their placement,

hide the truth with text replacement.

Okay, so now anytime you try to tell her,

you'll just say something boring instead.

So I won't spoil the surprise. Okay, great.

Justin! Move your buns! We're getting towed!

I think she's the one.

Okay, Alex, I'm gonna let you out now.

- Hey, can I get the wand? - Yeah, sure.

Dang it!

All right, where's Justin? What are you two hiding from me?

I can't tell you. Please don't be mad at me.

I am not mad. I...

It's just, we've been friends since preschool,

and whatever this big secret is,

I guess it's just gonna tear us apart.

Your repairman is coming to fix the dishwasher.

What?

Mmm, the swap spell.

Yeah, your repairman is coming over to fix the dishwasher.

Okay, well, I don't need to be here for that.

No. Yes, you do.

It's your dishwasher.

You've been dreaming about this since high school.

Um, okay. So you're gonna continue to have this little meltdown.

- I'm gonna go. - No, no, no.

Don't go. I'm not talking about a dishwasher.

I'm talking about a...

Dishwasher.

Stupid swap spell. Okay.

What I'm trying to tell you

is that your...

repairman is coming to fix...

the dishwasher.

Oh.

I get it.

- You do? - No!

Hello, Alex.

Mason. What are you doing here?

I told you. He's here to fix the dishwasher. Act surprised.

I don't get it. Why would my dad leave this for me

if I didn't have the key?

We've checked every inch of it. There's no clue on it.

Wait. What if the answer's not on the bear?

What if it's in the bear?

All right, we're cutting this thing open.

Roman, conjure me a machete.

Oh.

Or we could just use a hex-ray spell.

You're lucky I don't have my powers,

because if I had my powers,

I'd have my powers and a machete.

Let my wand be my guide, reveal to me what's inside.

Let's see what we got here.

Patient is a blabber bear.

Gender unknown.

Age unknown.

Care instructions, "Dry clean only."

Give me that.

Wait. Look at this.

It looks just like my mom's locket.

Whoa, something's happening.

Ah.

Do you know what this means?

- No. Do you know what it means? - Heck, yeah.

There is vital information coded

in an unintelligible language that we get to decipher!

And we're one step closer to finding my dad.

Right. That's what I'm excited about,

not the unintelligible language thing.

Okay, we know this bear is not speaking Klingon,

Elvish, Dothraki, Parseltongue, Na'vi, or Minion.

I can't believe the only clue I have to finding my dad

is in a language I don't understand.

It could be Ewok, but whoever recorded it

is definitely not from Endor.

Hey, who's speaking Stuffy in here?

Oh, Stuffy. Not this again.

Uh, Milo thinks his stuffed animals talk about him

behind his back in their own language.

You should hear what they say about you.

So you speak it?

No, you have to be a stuffy.

I mean, Dog-Dog did teach me a couple words. Mostly swears.

So we just need a stuffy to talk to him. Milo, is there any way you--

Turn this boy into a cuddly toy.

I mean, I was gonna ask if we could borrow Dog-Dog,

but this works, too.

Have we set a new bar for weird?

Yeah, it feels like we have.

Whoa, that doesn't sound good. Break it up, boys.

Turn this toy back into a boy.

Don't let the door hit you where the toy maker stitched ya!

Milo, what were you fighting about?

Let's just say we are very different, politically.

Who cares? What was my dad's message?

Right. To make sure his dad can never use him to open the rift,

your dad locked himself away in Wizcatraz.

Also, he loves you very much, Billie Bug.

Billie Bug? That is so... sweet.

So sweet.

So, to save my mom,

I have to get my dad out of the most secure prison in the wizard world?

But no one's ever broken out of there.

Actually one person has.

Who?

The same person who tried to steal Billie's powers

- and destroy our family. - Who?

- The guy we imprisoned in an amulet? - Who?

Silas Evilini!

Who?

Silas. Evilini.

You know, like sworn enemy of your family?

I've been to your house, man.

If you say so.

Is it just me, or is this prison amulet really nice?

Thank you. You know, it used to be my mom's place,

but I've been trying to make it my own.

Also, shoes off.

Ooh.

So,

you've come to me, the Silas Evilini,

the only wizard to have ever broken in to

and out of the island prison of Wizcatraz for help.

Okay, who is he explaining this to?

'Cause we know why we're here.

It seems like gloating is part of his process.

I get it.

After everything you've done to me,

why would I ever help you?

You know what? He's right.

So we should just leave him here alone.

All alone forever.

No, no, no, no. Please don't. I'm so lonely.

Very, very lonely.

Okay? I didn't say I wouldn't help you.

I just asked why I should, and honestly,

it's not really seeming that important right now.

Then tell us what we want to know.

Well, it took me years to figure out how to navigate

the complex combinations of tunnels,

secret passageways and deadly booby traps of Wizcatraz.

You expect me to just tell you?

Ideally, yes. That'd be great.

It's impossible.

Oh, man. I took my shoes off for this.

But take me with you, and I'll show you.

Take you with us?

Yeah, right. like we'd ever be that stupid.

- We're doing it. - Well, I guess we're that stupid.

Mason.

I feel like I haven't seen you in forever.

I know. I've missed you.

- I missed you. - Aww. This is just...

Harper, what are you doing?

Capturing the moment.

Oh, I'm gonna scrapbook this so hard.

Well, anyway, let me show you to the dishwasher.

The dishwasher?

Yeah. Isn't that why you're here?

No, I'm...

Don't mind me. I'm just setting the mood.

Alex, please,

there's something I need to tell you.

Take a seat.

Just ignore me. It's like I'm not even here.

Could you just excuse me for one second?

Yeah.

Okay, Harper, you're acting weird even for you.

You're keeping secrets, you lock me in a bathroom,

Mason's here to have this important conversation,

you're making it all romantic.

If I didn't know better, I think he's here to...

Fix the dishwasher!

Alex, I was kind of in the middle of something.

Yes, of course.

Continue, Mason. Harper, take a picture...

Where was I?

I think you're about to get down on one knee.

- Why would I... - Get down on one knee!

One knee?

What do you think is going on here?

You're gonna propose to me.

No.

No, I'm not.

- You're not? - He's not?

I can't propose to you.

And you know why.

Think about it.

This isn't how it's supposed to be.

Why can't I propose to you?

Because you're dead.

All right, Evilini, what's the plan?

Well, we're gonna need a few supplies.

Wire cutters, troll spray, a grappling hook,

bat wings, a crowbar, and a peanut butter sandwich.

Ooh. Is that to distract some kind of monster that guards the gate?

No, it's for me. I'm starving.

I live in a necklace. What's wrong with you?

Okay. I think we have most of that stuff in the lair.

Roman, you and Milo go get it.

Uh...

You can't guard Silas by yourself.

You don't have your powers.

Well, he doesn't know that.

He thinks I'm the most powerful wizard in the world.

He's not gonna try anything.

All right, Silas, keep your hands where I can see them.

Billie, I need to talk to you.

Now's not a great time. Winter.

Did you tell her about how every time you sneeze,

another Winter appears?

Wait, what?

Yeah, it's been happening ever since you gave up your powers.

- You gave up your powers? - No, of course not.

Hey, guys, what are we talking about?

Billie giving up her powers.

Yeah, I'm out of here.

You said you would help us break into Wizcatraz.

Well, that's when you were the most powerful wizard in the world.

Now you're just a girl with a taped-up stick. Ha!

Evilini out.

No, we can't let him get away. Come on, Winters.

Silas, you can't leave.

Okay, stop me. Oh, right. You can't.

Winter, quick. Hand me the pepper.

Why? What are you doing?

Going somewhere?

- Good one, Winter. - Thanks, Winter.

- It's fine. There's another door. - And another Winter.

And another Winter.

Winter, Billie just said that.

Sorry, I just got here.

Winters, attack.

No, no, no, no. Get back.

No. No!

They're gone.

That's why all of this feels weird. It's not real.

Guess we won't be needing these.

Wait. If I am here with you, does that mean I'm dead?

Not yet.

When you went through the rift,

you ended up somewhere in between.

And I came here to help you get back.

You have a whole other life, Alex.

You got married. You have a beautiful daughter.

Billie.

And she needs you.

That's the life that you're meant to live.

You have to go back.

I can't believe you came back to help me.

I'll always love you, Alex Russo.

And I'll always be watching over you.

Sorry.

This is just so beautiful.

You know, my daughter has a best friend.

She's just like you.

She has her own Harper?

Her Harper's a Winter.

I have to go.

I know.

Hey, um...

When you get home, give me a call.

We should hang out sometime.

I'd really like that.

Okay.

I'm ready, Mason.

How do I get back?

Just wake up.

Crowbar.

Troll spray. Peanut butter sandwich.

You ate it?

I'm sorry. You know I get snacky

when the stakes are this high.

Let's just get this stuff to Silas.

Hide.

Ah. Ah, I can't believe

what a nightmare that Gnome Depot parking lot was.

I'm not gonna lie. I kind of liked it when you yelled at that guy.

It reminded me of when we first started dating.

Not gonna lie, that's why I did it.

All right, once I connect the cross-dimensional compass

to the reactor,

this baby should fire right up,

and we'll be able to pinpoint Alex's exact location.

Okay, all right. You might want to take a step back.

- Why? - Because this is a homebuilt

nuclear-powered, inter-dimensional GPS.

It's either gonna find Alex, or it will liquefy the entire table.

- In three, two-- - No, no!

You're gonna liquefy your boys.

What's going on in here?

Uh...

Go for his legs. Go for his legs.

- What's going on out there? - Uh...

And nailed it.

- Let me go! - Never!

What is Silas Evilini doing in my living room?

Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Russo.

Not now, Winter.

Uh, Justin.

I know. There's five of them.

Justin, please, you've got to stop Silas. I need him.

Please-us, freeze-us.

Someone start talking.

I don't know what's crazier,

that we were all born on June 5th,

or that five Geminis are getting along.

Of course Winter can stay for dinner.

I already set a place for them.

Her. I mean her.

Can you hear what they're saying?

Not with you talking in my ear, I can't.

So you smuggled Silas out of the amulet

to rescue your father

- so he could open up the rift? - Yes.

But you can open up the rift.

Well, actually, I can't.

I kind of gave up my powers.

What? Why would you do that?

It's just...

The last time I opened the rift,

I lost my mom.

I just don't ever, ever want to lose anybody else.

Justin, my powers are dangerous. You said it yourself.

Billie, that wasn't me. I mean, yes, it was me.

Just without emotions.

Long story.

Billie, you are not dangerous, okay?

You were forced to open up that rift.

But now that we know where your father is, he can do it.

You'll never have to do it again.

Are you mad?

Yes, I am mad. At myself.

I was so fixated on finding Alex,

I didn't stop to think how scary this was for you.

Can you ever forgive me?

You should not be afraid of your powers.

They're a part of who you are.

It doesn't matter now. I mean, they're gone.

Well, they're not gone. They're obviously in Winter.

I can give them back to you if you want them.

Just say the word.

I want them back.

Honey, are you sure a trust fall is a good idea?

If you can't trust yourself, who can you trust?

That was awesome.

I can't believe you were going through all that and I had no idea.

Like, why didn't you tell me?

I mean, I figured if I could fix it myself, then you didn't need to know.

But if I knew, I could've helped you.

You don't need to carry all this by yourself.

Thanks, Justin.

So how are we going to get into Wizcatraz?

I mean, there's no way Silas is going to help us now.

Oh, he's gonna help us, all right.

He just doesn't know it yet.

Is this gonna work?

We're about to find out.

Whoa.

Showing up at the house of a Tribunal member.

I thought you were smarter than that, Evilini.

I am smarter than that. This was all their idea.

You'll have plenty of time to cry about it at Wizcatraz.

Wizcatraz?

I'll get you for this.

Russo!

I've got to get out of here.

But where is here?