Original subtitles

Shh! Ugh!

Bye-bye! Eugh!

Arggh!

Ohh!

Mmm!

This is the best day of my life.

Yep. Go on.

Eughhh!

Shh!

Yes! Hello. Welcome to Taskmaster Australia.

My name is Tom Gleeson, but that's just the name my parents gave me,

bland and devoid of meaning.

On this stage, I am known as the Taskmaster

and am here to judge comedians

while sitting atop a throne fit for a king

or at the very least a shopping mall Santa.

Unlike Santa, I do not have gifts for every child around the world.

I have one gift for one adult.

It's a replica of my head.

Playing for the golden honour is our cast -

as they always are, Danielle Walker,

Jimmy Rees, Julia Morris,

Luke McGregor and Nina Oyama.

And I am not on my journey alone. No great man is.

Santa has his elves, his deer and his attentive, loving wife.

I've got kind of all of these three rolled into one

in the form of my humble assistant Tom Cashman.

Alright, let's talk prize task, lesser Tom. What have they brought?

Our contestants have been asked to bring in

the most surprising thing to bring to a barbecue.

The person with the most surprising thing

will be awarded 5 points by our Taskmaster

and the person who wins this whole episode tonight

will take home all five prizes.

OK, I love surprises and I love barbecues so this is perfect.

Let's start with Jimmy.

Um, well, it's more to surprise the host of the barbecue.

It's actually a...a barbecue.

Alright.

That's pretty good.

It's also surprising, but it also kind of belittles the barbecuer.

Yeah.

They might be feeling a little surprised,

but also then taken aback.

They're thinking, "Am I an inferior barbecuer?"

It's gonna be hard to top. Nina, what have you got?

I brought a plate of hair.

Alright, well, people might remember

that Luke brought just a little pile of red hair last week

and it didn't really work out for Luke.

Yeah, it did look like your pubes.

That's why I had to bring in my pubes as well.

Whoa! Wow.

They're very luscious.

I must say, if at the barbecue they said, "Bring a plate,"

that would be very surprising.

Thank you.

Alright, Luke, what have you got?

Well, I wanted to bring something practical as well as surprising

so this provides me sun protection

while also being surprising for everyone who's there.

It's a mask in the shape of a butt.

You know what's frightening is it doesn't look

too dissimilar to your face already.

So...

..how will people know that you've got it on?

Um...

Well, most people would notice I don't have a nose anymore.

Um, Julia, what have you brought us that would surprise us at a barbecue?

I don't know how surprising and it's certainly not amusing.

But here it is. I had it made.

It's a chocolate Taskmaster envelope.

Oh, just like the envelope from the show.

Yes, sir. I've got one for you right here.

Now, the idea was to be a crawler.

Oh! Thank you.

Am I...

What you have done is you've brought a dessert to a barbecue.

Yes.

I mean, it's slightly surprising.

"Oh, did you bring chops?" "No, I brought dessert."

"Oh, that's convenient."

You're not like, "Oh, what the ? Dessert?!"

Like, it's not a... No, that's true.

It's not a huge surprise.

Danielle?

For me, barbecues are family affairs

and I thought my family would be pretty surprised

if I rocked up to the next barbecue in this.

Ooh! Amazing!

Wow.

I feel like I've met you and if you

rocked up to a barbecue in that, I would not be surprised.

Yeah. Me?

And I feel like your family wouldn't be surprised either.

In fact, I feel like your family would also be wearing that.

Well, I think we can agree

these are all very surprising things to bring to a barbie.

I just have to give them some scores.

I think Julia's at the bottom on 1

'cause a dessert is not very surprising.

Bringing a mask that looks like your actual face is not that surprising.

So 2 points for you, Luke.

This has...this has really backfired.

Danielle with the fetish suit, I think, 3 points

'cause I do think it would be very surprising,

but I don't want to kink-shame.

Deeply disturbing to bring a plate of human hair

so 4 points to Nina.

But the sheer aggression of bringing a barbecue to a barbecue,

5 points to Jimmy.

Yeah!

That means Jimmy is winning and the other four are not winning.

Would you like to see a team task?

Are we going to see the bad improv group again?

What do you reckon?

I hope this one doesn't put you to sleep.

Hello, Tom! He wasn't impressed.

Hello. Oh, how lovely!

Hello.

You do it. Nina, your turn.

It's quite soft.

"Make a dream come true." Ooh!

"Best dream wins."

"You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now."

Make a dream come true?

What was my most recent dream? That was also a nightmare, that one.

OK, OK, what do we do?

So, like, first we go somewhere...

Shh! Can you turn around for a second? Sorry.

Can you leave? Can you leave? You want me to leave?

Leave. Get out of here. Yeah. Yeah, sorry, sorry. Yeah.

Tom, have you got a dream you'd like us to make come true for you?

I can think of a few dreams I had as a child.

Yeah, what are those?

This is gonna sound potentially a bit creepy.

Uh-oh. OK.

There was, like, a fly, but it wasn't a real fly.

It was, like, a robot fly that I could operate via remote control

and it would go to, like, my friends' houses

and I could see what they were talking about and stuff

and I knew all the information.

That is creepy. Wow.

You are a big old creep, aren't you?

Because Tom has always been the guy with the pad,

he's never got to do any of these fun challenges.

What if we... We'll set up Tom a series of tasks.

A dream come true. He gets to do what we do.

We could make a fly...

I could make a fly, put it on a stick

and have Tom gleefully watching on his iPad what's going on

and he's like, "Whoa! Yes, I finally get to watch Julia sleep.

"I've always wanted to watch Julia sleep."

'Cause he's a big creep. Such a good sleeper.

I was gonna say what if his dream is, like,

his parents telling him that they're proud of him?

That's a great idea.

Alright, she's up on the slab. Whee!

Actually, hang on. You can't sleep in a bra.

Oh, yeah. No, so you're gonna take that off.

Are you guys OK with me taking it off?

Of course.

Boom! Over-shoulder boulder-holder, Tom. There it goes.

Yeah, that's for your dream later on tonight, Tom.

Good to see the bad improv group is back.

You weren't tempted to maybe go to a hospital

and make a sick child's dream come true?

In our defence, Tom does have the energy of a sickly child.

Look at him. He's like, "Ohh, ohh!"

It will be a high bar, though,

for these two teams to make my dreams come true

because working with you is...is a dream come true in and of itself.

Aww!

Here's our first set of dreamers

attempting to re-create something that's actually cute and innocent

and not even that creepy at all.

It's Julia and Danielle.

In order for authenticity, I feel like

I need to dribble out the side of my mouth.

OK. OK.

And if we could get a close-up on that dribbling mouth

so that Tom can really see that close-up on the iPad,

he'll love that so much.

He'll love that so much...

Oh, Mr Taskmaster,

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Yes, Mr Gleeson, you're the master.

I'll do anything you say, Mr Gleeson.

Yeah, that's good.

Tom, is this really a dream or more of a nightmare?

I mean, I'm regretting telling you guys about this.

So good.

I know I'm supposed to be judging the teams,

but I feel like judging you, Tom.

Um, you seem like a bit of a creep.

I mean, lots of people will often...

When they're asked what their favourite superpower would be,

they talk about being invisible

and sneaking around and looking at people nude.

And I just wanted a fly, when I was 12,

to look at what the goss was at my friends' houses and stuff and...

Leave me alone!

Oh, so are you suggesting that Julia and Danielle

turned your innocent dream into a creepy one?

That is my accusation.

Can I ask what the difference was

between your dream and what we created?

Someone took off their bra.

Danielle, why were you kissing me in Tom's dream?

'Cause I felt like there was an inherent creepiness in Tom's dream

and he wanted to catch people doing stuff that was odd.

If you think someone else

is kissing the Taskmaster in my dream, you're crazy.

I think it's really important we point out too, where was the dance?

Oh, yes.

Because I should point out in the group tasks,

they've got an extra task where they have to do a dance at the end,

no extra points for it, it doesn't count in the competition,

and the other team doesn't have to do the dance.

But you didn't do it this time.

Did we forget to do it? You forgot to do it.

Did we? Did we?

Well, it was a completely pointless task,

but as part of that task,

if you do forget to do it, you lose points.

Oh! What?

Yeah, you got zero all those times for doing it

and the one time you haven't done it, I think -1?

OK, that is really rude of you

and I'm not talking to you outside of the studio.

Um, that's the way I prefer it.

More dreams coming true right after a lovely little break.

See you soon with more Taskmaster!

Yes, welcome back to Taskmaster

where our teams are trying to make dreams come true

in order to win some human hair and a fetish suit.

That is right. We're in the middle of a team task.

So far, Danielle and Julia have outed...

I mean, falsely accused me of being a creep.

These three were not very supportive when I asked them during the break

if they thought the remote-control fly dream was weird.

It's Nina, Jimmy and Luke.

Hello, Tom.

Hi, Luke. Is this for me?

"Dear Tom, we know that you are very sad

"that you don't get to do any of the tasks

"so we want to make your dreams come true.

"Your first job is to become the Taskmaster.

"You have five minutes. Your time starts now."

Make it...make it three minutes.

Make it... Three minutes.

So you just update the tasks?

Yeah. OK.

Oh, I have no respect for my assistant.

Even though he tries his best and works day in, day out,

I treat him with no respect at all.

Please move outside for your next task.

OK.

Hello. There's the task.

"Put the object in the bucket from the giraffe.

"You have five minutes. Your time starts now."

Put this in the bucket? Yep.

Oh! What's this? Is this part of it?

The goose? All the information you need is in the task.

You have... Geese can be quite aggressive.

..four minutes.

How did you orchestrate that?

That's called nature, baby.

Yes!

We shall now move on to your next task.

Here's your final task.

"Come into the lab and make your parents proud.

"Proudest parents win.

"You have two minutes. Your time starts now."

Oh, Dad, your hair's so much more...

Shut up, son! Make me proud.

Bit harsh, isn't it? I didn't know how...

50 seconds.

Well, we really love you, son.

Um... You love me?

Yeah. Yeah.

I think you're doing a great job as the Taskmaster on...

The Taskmaster's assistant.

Oh...

Oh, that's not what he said.

He said... You're not the boss?

No, I'm the assistant...

We've already told everyone at the RSL that you're the Taskmaster.

They've been giving us discounts.

So what power do you have? Any?

Oh, I wouldn't call it power. I'd more call it responsibility.

Are you the one with the whistle?

Yeah. Ugh!

You make me sick.

That's who I want as a son. Blow the whistle!

Wait! We gotta do the reveal!

It was me all along, Tom.

Oh, Luke!

We're not your parents. Oh, no way.

Yeah, and it was me all along. I wasn't just me in a suit.

Your face was never obscured.

I think the best way to end this is one of those '80s movies -

everyone jumps in the air, high-fives at the same time,

then they freeze us in the air.

A climactic high-five. Ohh!

OK, so the roles were reversed there.

Thanks for demonstrating that tasks

aren't that easy to come up with, are they?

Do you really think that his life-long dream

was to take part in a task that involved

throwing a thing in a bucket?

And the geese that we organised.

Yes, the geese. We organised some geese as well.

Those were ducks. Mm. Mm.

OK, we asked for geese, so...

Tom was genuinely terrified of those geese.

They're ducks, Nina, for the last time.

Didn't you try and fight some ducks earlier?

I fought the geese. The geese are at the lake.

Those are from the pond!

So I guess the real question is...did your dream come true?

Well, how many points do I receive?

Uh... 5.

Oh, no! Wait!

6.

That has turned the tables somewhat.

Which dream do you think was better?

I think the fly dream was, unfortunately,

a very accurate depiction.

But being awarded 6 points just blew my mind.

So I'm gonna have to give the bad improv act 5 points.

Yes!

And I'm going to have to give Julia and Danielle 4 points,

but let's not forget -1 point 'cause you didn't do the dance.

What are their overall scores in this episode so far, Tom?

Jimmy is currently in the lead with 10 points!

Well, let's get straight into another task then, shall we?

Alright, here's a task we may never see the likes of ever again.

Ooh! Hello, Tom.

Hi, Julia.

Hello, friend. Hi, there.

Oh, my God, oh, my God!

Is it dropping down?

Hi, Danielle.

Huh...

Is it... Oh, oh!

Oh, no. Oh.

Where...where are you looking?

I think it might have landed over there.

Ooh!

Arggh!

OK, got it. Let's go.

"Do the most incredible

"once-in-a-lifetime thing."

"You must never have done it before..."

"And you must never do it again."

"You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now."

Are you gonna follow me around for the rest of my life

to make sure I don't do it again?

No, but I'll hear about it.

Hmm.

So they must never have done it before

and must never do it again and most incredible wins.

Would you like to see the first attempt?

I'd love to. Here's one of Rees's pieces.

It's Jimmy Rees!

Never towed a caravan

without assistance of a machine.

Do you think you could?

Well, let's just give it a go, OK? OK.

I need a costume, I think. OK.

This ute would pull it, and I'll be Ute-Man.

OK. You've got one job.

You've got to facilitate the birth of Ute-Man.

Waaa! Waaa!

Oh...

Ohh!

A beautiful ute baby.

Ugh, that's gross.

Strange unit you are.

Huh, huh!

Oh, yep, I think it's ready to move.

I might have to put a marker down so you can see.

Here's the starting position. Right.

Here we go.

Come on, Ute-Man!

Ready? Bend at the knees, Ute-Man!

Oh, did you see it?

That was the start of the banana.

It's gone at least that much of a banana.

Wow. That's...amazing.

Hard-pressed to beat that, I think.

See you, Dad.

Very good, Jimmy.

Good to see that dress-up's back. I quite liked it.

I just thought it gave you a bit of a backstory.

Yeah.

You've never pulled a caravan before in your life, have you?

No. I do have a caravan and I do have a ute.

And I often join them together and, "Pfft!"

Is joining them together how a ute baby is made?

Oh, yes, it's like 'Avatar'.

Part of the point of this task is it needs to be incredible.

I think an argument could be made

that it wasn't the most incredible thing we've ever seen.

However... It was once-in-a-lifetime.

It was once-in-a-lifetime and he didn't do it again.

Which is great.

Except we should probably check the footage

one more time to make sure that's true.

OK.

Tom Cashman...

Oh, did you see it?

See it? Yeah.

Yeah, I'll do it again for ya. OK.

Go! Yes!

I'll have to do it again for you.

Are you doing it again? Doing it again.

I think I'll give it one more.

I'm just gonna do one more.

Come on, you stupid caravan!

OK, blow the whistle.

Oh, that's such a shame

'cause I was just saying how you did such a great job.

Jimmy moved the caravan five times in the space of three minutes.

We've got once-in-a-lifetime things coming up

right after you do something you probably do

5,000 times per lifetime - watch some ads.

See you soon!

Welcome back to Taskmaster

where five comedians are trying to win

a small barbecue to bring to a barbecue

that already has a barbecue at it.

How are they going about it, Tom?

Our contestants are attempting to do

once-in-a-lifetime incredible things,

like pushing a caravan a bit

and then pushing a caravan a bit again.

Would you like to see another one? Yes.

It must be wet on the east coast and dry in Peru

because La Nina is here.

I'm gonna go to the...

I was gonna say the oven. What's that thing called?

A shed. A shed.

I'm gonna try and make, like, a Rube Goldberg machine.

What's that?

It's like a domino, but you have all different things.

Oh-ho-ho-ho!

This is the best day of my life.

I think Rube would be proud.

Stay, stay, stay... No!

I mean, that's just actually good.

Maybe I'm, like, Rube Goldberg reincarnated.

When that goes up, that will spur this ball to roll.

30 seconds. Ugh!

I think I've got it.

OK, are you ready for my big machine?

Wow.

'Bye.

OK, who's next?

I mean, what do you want me to say?

"Good job! Nailed it!"

If there's one plus, I'm glad you're never

gonna do that ever again in your life

'cause I don't want to see it again in my life.

Even if the machine had worked,

the skateboard was gonna go down the ramp

and then what was it gonna do at that point?

It was gonna go onto the pizza flipper,

which was going to... somehow push the ball,

which was gonna drop onto the net, which was gonna flip it over.

Rube Goldberg never used the word 'somehow'

when trying to explain how his machine works.

I didn't realise you were old enough to be friends with Rube Goldberg.

Saying I'm old isn't an insult.

It just means I own a house and you don't.

OK, who's next?

Here's Julia and Danielle!

Wet T-shirt competition is where my mind immediately goes to.

OK.

But I'm not sure that's what anyone wants to see.

I can't do that. What?

I was gonna... rob the house next door.

Oh, no. Ohh!

You know what I've never done? What?

Doughies. What's that?

That's where you fang your car in a circle.

Oh, doughnuts. Yeah.

I wanna have a pool in the ute. In the back of the ute?

Yeah, with bubble bath. With bubble bath?

Yes. Might want to remove the glasses.

Well, I need the glasses more than I need the helmet, don't I?

Arggh! Oh!

OK, let's get in the car, Tom.

Are you a religious man, Tom? No.

It might be time to reach out to your god if you wanna.

OK.

Oh...

What was that? Nothing.

There's a bubble sound.

That is simply a fart.

You farted?

Tom, we're gonna send it!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Oh! Ohh!

Whoo-hoo!

We're actually going quite slowly,

in a straight line.

Uh-oh, I'm farting again.

It wasn't a fart, was it?

I wish there was another gun 'cause you'd love... It's really fun.

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo!

We're just driving in circles at quite a moderate speed.

Oh!

Whoo! Oh, Tom! Why aren't the brakes working?

Uh-oh. No, no, no... Is the brake working?

Oh, my God. Oh, God. Oh, no. Here we go!

Oh, dear Lord! Oh, no! Tom!

You've got...38 seconds.

One more?

Look at that.

We totally sent it.

There are vaguely indents in the grass.

That, sir, is a doughnut.

Danielle, are you saying that in Queensland

having a bath is a once-in-a-lifetime event?

No, I just never got to do it in the ute.

I always wanted to as a kid,

but Dad's ute trailer's rusted out.

Hang on. This is something you've actually dreamed of already?

I can't believe you thought about it before the day you did that task

'cause, uh, Nina clearly hadn't.

Now, Julia, you had a helmet on,

but you didn't give one to Tom Cashman.

What's that about?

There was only one available on the day.

Your one bit of concern for my safety

was just asking me whether I believed in God.

What do you reckon a doughnut is?

I feel like you need more slippage when you're doing a doughnut.

I've only ever heard about doughnuts.

I've never seen 'em, never done 'em.

You grew up in Gosford, though. I know!

But no doughnuts.

Your parents probably did one driving you home from the hospital.

Undoubtedly!

But, no, I'd never done a doughnut

and I have no intentions of ever doing one again.

What about driving carefully in a circle?

If I'm not mistaken, there's one left.

Doing it once, it's Luke McGregor.

Thinking I might jump in the lake. You've never jumped in a lake?

No, like, I've been in a pool before, but I've never just, like,

seen a lake and gone, "I'll just jump in that."

Have there been opportunities in your past

where you could've jumped in a lake?

Every time I've been near a lake, yeah.

Don't think I've ever jumped in a lake either.

Do you wanna jump in with me? Oh...

If I like it, I'm gonna jump in a lake again,

but I'll never jump in a lake

holding hands with you again after this moment.

Oh, my God. It's really painful!

What are you thinking?

Like, I googled the amount of stuff you can get from a lake.

There's just a lot of bacteria. Do you have any open wounds?

No. OK.

But you've got a butthole, obviously.

Mm, yeah. So that's... Yeah.

So... Me too. Yep.

No...no hiding it now.

Do you want to jump in there?

I think 'want' wouldn't be the right word.

You want to just...make out instead? Make out?

Then we don't have to get in the lake.

Yeah, like, we just kiss, no tongue.

Are you OK with that? Yeah.

Wanna dip me or do you wanna be dipped?

Perhaps I should be dipped... OK.

..seeing as this is your idea.

Full consent?

Yeah, full consent. OK.

I'm gonna come in like this. Oh, OK.

And then I'm gonna go out.

And then just put your arm over here.

And then down.

OK, I'm coming in, Tom. Mm-hm.

Still got full consent? Mm-hm. Mm!

Whoo-hoo!

I think that'll turn out really good on camera.

That's your once-in-a-lifetime thing?

Oh, do you wanna draw each other?

Can you look up for a second?

Whoa!

Alright, I'm done.

That's actually lovely.

So is yours.

It's the alternate universe where you got into the lake.

And how good do our arses feel right now?

My arse feels...normal.

Well, um, I'm getting sunburnt so I'm gonna go back inside.

Thanks, Tom. Luke.

Oh, God!

Ugh, I forgot!

Yep.

So, Luke, are you a germaphobe?

Yep, and, uh, I thought,

"Just before I jump in, I'll do a quick google."

That was a mistake.

So you couldn't even do it just that once?

No, I was scared of all the bacteria that can crawl up...

If you think there's bacteria in a lake, wait till you...

I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.

Having watched that, what were you actually doing once-in-a-lifetime?

You know, it was just a collection of weird events.

If you put anything together in a random list like that,

you'll probably never do it again.

Yeah, well, that was the whole idea of the task, right?

OK, well, I guess I should score them, shouldn't I?

I have a vested interest in Luke's doing well, I've just realised,

because if you give him 5 points, that means kissing me is incredible.

Well, I think we all agree that Jimmy is disqualified.

I can't believe this, but somehow you're not gonna get 1, Nina.

You're getting 2. Yes!

And then I'm gonna give Luke 3.

Danielle got very excited by a bath, but given she's been looking forward

to it for her whole life, I'll give her 4 points.

And I can't believe I'm gonna say this - Julia Morris is gonna get

5 points for doing a very, very large, ordinary doughnut.

Speaking of once-in-a-lifetime,

you may find yourself watching some ads,

you may ask yourself, "This is not my beautiful show,"

you may ask yourself, "This is not my beautiful host."

Well, don't worry. Your show and host will be back very soon!

Welcome back to Taskmaster.

One butt mask is on the line.

I believe we're going to jump straight into another task.

What can you tell me about it, Tom Cashman?

If this task isn't completed in 30 minutes or less, it's free.

Hello, Tom!

Where are you?!

Hello?

Hi, babes!

Buongiorno. Buongiorno!

How you going, buddy?

Just waiting for the sound delay, are you?

OK, that's a little truck.

That's a tricycle.

Boat. Friend.

Pizza.

Oh, there's pizza.

OK.

"Deliver this pizza to Tom."

"The fewest steps wins."

"Your time starts now."

Huh.

So time didn't matter in this one.

Our contestants needed to deliver the pizza to me

in the fewest steps possible.

A 'step' is "The action of raising a foot

"and placing it down elsewhere."

I know what a step is.

Anyway, let's watch them try.

The first to step up to not step is Danielle and Jimmy.

There's a goose poo right there. OK.

I've got no traction, Tom!

God, this is a nightmare.

This thing sucks.

That's not steps. That's crawling, dude.

Yeah.

Here we go.

Eugh.

Gosh.

Is that actually you, Tom?

Buongiorno!

You...bastards.

That's not Tom?

Oh, my God!

Buongiorno. Come ti chiami?

You opened with Italian, dude.

Oh, for goodness sake!

Come on!

Where does this even go?

Yep, go on. OK.

Pizza!

Big steps. Come on.

Hop, hop.

Tom?!

I'm just gonna crawl and find Tom.

Ohh!

Ooh!

Hmm?

Thomas Marjorie Cashman!

I don't know what your middle name is, but you disgust me!

Don't drop the pizza. Oh, it's very wet.

Is he in there?

No!

Ugh!

Far out. God.

Where's my pizza?

Hold your horses, man.

I've got a pizza bag now.

Is this the pizza? Yep.

Thanks, Danielle. How you feeling?

Oh, I just nearly... I might vom. Oh, right.

There you go.

Thanks, Jimmy. No worries, mate. Enjoy.

Ugh.

Did you enjoy this task? No.

The boat sank when I was in the lake. It started to sink.

So, yeah, I had to get pulled out of the lake.

And that's why you're a bit wet there at the end?

Yeah, my arsehole was in heaps of trouble.

Well, I must admit the presentation of the pizza

at the very end for Danielle, it was not too bad.

Not the worst. Jimmy's was almost perfect somehow.

How did you strap it up into a ball, Jimmy,

and then turn it back into a pizza again?

I have absolutely no idea.

It's also good to know that if we do have a pay dispute,

we can replace Tom Cashman with the Italian Tom.

Please don't.

How'd they do?

Jimmy took 50 steps.

Danielle took 48 steps.

Ooh! 2 less than Jimmy.

Alright, Tom, who else have you got?

Neither of them are Hawaiian, but they're both supreme.

It's Julia and Luke.

"Deliver this pizza to Tom. Fewest steps wins.

"Your time starts...now."

This I'm not convinced is gonna carry

the pizza all that way, Tom.

Yeah.

We are gonna discuss your outfit when I get there.

I'm coming, Tom.

Is it wrong? Is it fake Tom?

Buongiorno.

Terrific task, guys. Really appreciate it.

Oh, no. Is that not you, Tom?

I don't have my glasses. Can you give me a heads-up if that's you?

Buongiorno. OK, great. OK, great.

I'm gonna park it over there and come back.

I don't think I've done this well.

Ow!

Stinging nettle, Tom.

Arggh!

It's stinging my vajeen!

Ugh!

Buongiorno.

I've just realised I'm not meant to be

delivering it to you 'cause you're not Tom.

It's only just this second occurred to me.

So where the living is Tom?

You're not Tom, are you?

Where are you, Tom, you cheeky ?

Do you know where Tom is?

Buongiorno.

Ed Sheeran over here pretending he's you!

I've always wanted to do this. You ready?

Buongiorno!

I'm gonna slap the living out of Tom

when I see him with this pizza.

Oh, no!

That's...that's still working. That's still fine. It's working.

This is not even the way to go.

Did you see that flying in my mouth?

Tom?!

Buongiorno!

Not you!

The last thing my teenager said to me was, "Don't embarrass me."

Tom, I'm actually gonna kill you.

Has Tom gone? Where are we?

I don't even know what's happening anymore.

This has always been my favourite Tom anyway.

Hi, Luke.

Hey, buddy.

That's the whole pizza?

Well, one slice is with Buongiorno.

Hi, Julia.

You might like some pizza, Tom.

Thanks, Luke. Thanks, buddy.

Thanks.

douchebag.

So, Julia, I sensed that you really enjoyed that task.

Yeah, honestly when I got over there and realised it wasn't Tom,

it was all of my strength not to really turn.

Julia took approximately one step every two seconds.

What about you, Luke?

It was not as clear if you were as frustrated.

I used to be a pizza deliverer

and it's way easier with a... with a car and an address.

Julia took a total of 961 steps.

OK.

And Luke took 902 steps.

If you want to order a pizza for yourself, now's the time.

See you shortly with more Taskmaster.

Look, I know you're watching it now, but how about watching more later?

Catch every moment of triumph and utter humiliation

of Taskmaster Australia

with full episodes at 10play.com.au or the 10 play app.

Welcome back to Taskmaster.

We're having a pizza party, aren't we, Tom Cashman?

That's right - our contestants have been tasked

with delivering a pizza to me using as few steps as possible.

OK, there's one left, yeah? That's right.

Is it last because she's been successful?

We'll see. It's Nina Oyama.

I feel like "this pizza" just means the singular slice.

One.

Buongiorno.

That's...

That's not...

That feels like a Tom lookalike.

Can you say 'buongiorno' again?

Buongiorno!

Can you say it again?

Buongiorno.

I reckon Tom's in the house.

There he goes!

Whoa!

Now we are cooking with gas.

You're a kangaroo, you're a kangaroo.

Oh! Ugh.

Oh, I really feel like he's down at the lake

and that is him and it wasn't a trick.

I'm either gonna be the smartest person or the dumbest person.

Nooo!

Oh, man... Oh, yeah, he's definitely at the lake.

That was what they call in the business a bust.

So... Oh, no!

I'm just gonna have to go with the rest of the pizza.

Sorry, bro!

We're back here where it all began.

OK. Hi! Buongiorno.

Sorry for the long wait, sir.

Howzat?!

Pizza delivered!

Yes!

Ciao, bello. Buongiorno.

That's amore.

Oh, my God!

Do you have my pizza?

I've been waiting more than half an hour.

I was...

Where's my pizza?

It's...

..it's coming, it's coming.

Oh, well, this is cool.

Luckily, I left a pizza on the ground here.

I'm not giving up.

I'm jumping.

Dinner is served!

Nina, we were all wanting you to win. What happened?

I don't know! Low self-esteem? I don't know!

Oh, that was the worst day of my life.

You worked out so early that it wasn't Tom Cashman.

Why did you change your mind?

Because I just thought they wouldn't make us go up the stairs.

Once I got to the stairs, I was like, "Nah! They wouldn't."

I think the real tragedy of this task

is if you believed in yourself, you would've won.

I think that's the tragedy of my entire life.

That's actually true as well.

If you'd gone upstairs... At that point.

..at that point, you were only on 37 steps.

Ugh!

How did she do in total?

505 steps.

Still alright! Ooh!

We have Julia on 1 point. Yay!

Luke with 2. Nina with 3 somehow.

And then we have Jimmy with 4

and Danielle wins the task with 5 points.

OK, and what about an episode scoreboard?

Who's getting that butt mask?

Danielle is in the lead with 15 points!

OK!

Thank you.

There's no better time than now

to settle it for once and all.

Everyone, up on stage. We're going live!

I see you've got some refreshments for us, Tom.

And Julia will tell us why.

Julia, please read the task. I shall do so.

Huh-huh!

"Pick a biscuit." That's what it says! "Pick a biscuit!"

I'm gonna go for Nice because my English teacher used to say,

"'Nice' means 'sticky biscuits'."

Well, my last name's Scottish and I've got fingers,

so I guess I'll go the Scotch Finger.

I'm gonna take the one with some pink and red in it.

It's an Iced VoVo.

What's that one called?

It's a Ginger Nut. Luke McGregor.

And I'll just take the last one.

I know what you're thinking - "This is the easiest task in the world."

Ooh, thank you.

"In time with the music,

"dunk and undunk your biscuit in your tea and coffee

"when you hear the whistle.

"At any stage, you may surrender

"by placing your biscuit on the plate.

"If your biscuit breaks, you are disqualified.

"Last fully intact biscuit

"to be surrendered wins."

Please step up to your biscuits.

Can I kneel? I'll stand by.

Ah!

I don't think it's gonna last much longer. I'm gonna do that.

It's not intact.

Oh!

Nina has surrendered.

Stop slowing it down, Tom.

Come on, Ginger Nut!

I've already lost, Jimmy.

Mine...mine has crumbled now.

I will surrender my biscuit.

Mighty, mighty!

Yes!

Oh, I see!

We could've surrendered so we didn't lose the biscuit.

I thought you just chose to surrender 'cause you were weak.

OK, well, we have a winner for our live task.

Well done. Round of applause for Jimmy Rees!

Whoo-hoo!

We'll crown a winner for the whole episode right after this.

Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia.

We've been deep in a riveting game of bickie dunking.

Jimmy had a solid one left. Mm-hm.

And you also did OK, didn't you, Nina?

Yes, I surrendered real early.

OK, talk us through your failure, Luke.

Uh, well, occasionally I would touch the biscuit

to see if it had any structural integrity left

and I think in doing that,

I ruined the structural integrity of the biscuit.

Alright, so what are the final scores for this task?

So we have three disqualifications.

Nina receives 4 points for that task

and Jimmy takes it home with 5 points.

Ooh, OK.

Who is our winner for tonight's episode?

So at the end of tonight's episode, 1 point in front of Nina,

it's Jimmy with 19 points!

Yes!

Congratulations, Jimmy.

Five surprising things belong to you.

Get on stage and get yourself to a barbecue!

That's it - episode seven done and dusted.

We learnt that Tom Cashman could be watching any of us at any moment

with a remote-controlled fly.

We learnt that Tom Cashman's body double needs Italian lessons.

In non-Tom-centric news,

we learnt that our winner for episode seven is Jimmy!

Show them the love they deserve for at least a few seconds.

We'll see you next week!

Five, six, seven, eight!

Go! 'Cause I'm a genius!

BOO!

My God, the desperation is hard to look at.

Do we have to leave it up or can we take it down?

Captions by Red Bee Media