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(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) I'm ready for them.

No time to talk, I gotta run.

I'm gonna need a...

Paper?

Oh yeah, also a...

Coffee.

Oh, thanks.

And a...

Cigarette.

I love Wednesdays, it's so peaceful.

Yeah, I wish you'd give lectures at the

hospital every morning.

I'll be right back.

Okay, I'm gonna go take a look at

your toilet.

Why, is something wrong with it?

Well, I was trying to be polite, I

gotta take a leak.

Be right there.

It's not what it looks like.

I guess I'll have to take your word

for that.

Oh, you're blind.

Oh, sorry, I just meant that I was

in your way.

I was just trying to leave.

Oh, well let me get the door for

you.

Hey, thanks.

Have a good one.

Hey, you too.

Have a nice day.

What a nice guy.

I know.

I can't believe it, $346 gone.

Wow.

Kind of irresponsible, don't you think?

I mean, leaving the register alone.

Oh, shut up, Bob.

Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm just...

I'm really upset about the robbery.

That's all right.

Still kind of irresponsible, don't you think?

Shut up, Bob.

You know, Chris is right.

It's not her fault, it's my fault.

I can't believe I let that guy just

walk right past me.

No, no, no, it's okay, Jake.

How could you know?

And besides, it's done.

No use getting all upset over it now.

Gee, Chris, under the circumstances, you're being awfully

calm.

I took a Xan exercise of your head.

All righty.

Let's go over the facts of the case

one more time.

Oatmeal, hot cake, side of bacon.

Oops, wrong pad.

So, you say you were in the can

when this happened.

That's right, officer.

I was nowhere near the crime scene.

I was just in there.

Believe me, it's a crime scene.

You were in the back.

So that means you were the only one

out here with the robber.

That's right.

Ladies and gentlemen, our eyewitness.

You're in your new stead, he enters...

Actually, uh, I was coming in as he

was leaving.

So he passed you on the way out.

Well, not exactly.

He, uh, bumped into me.

Did he say anything?

Thank you.

For what?

Holding the door open for him.

You held the door for him?

It's okay, Jake.

You didn't know.

Did you say anything?

Um, just, uh...

Have a nice day.

Aw, man!

Why didn't you just drive him to the

bank and make the deposit for him?

You know, if the hospital's gonna invite me

to lecture students, the least they can do

is pay for parking.

A buck fifty every twenty minutes.

I've never talked so fast in my life.

Where are my cigarettes?

The diner was robbed.

They cleaned out the register.

You're kidding me.

I had half a pack in there.

John, I lost $346.

Where'd you get that kind of money?

Who'd you rob?

I had a good day yesterday.

Let's stick to the crappy one you're having

today.

All right, man?

Look who it is.

I remember you.

Yeah, and I remember you, sissy doctor who

got shot at the gay bar.

Near the gay bar.

Potato, tomato.

I knew it.

What?

You think I'm gay?

No, no, it just makes sense that someone

would have shot you by now.

Oh.

Thanks very much.

What happened anyway?

Someone break in?

No, the diner was open.

I was in the back.

And I was in the can.

So no one was watching my cigarettes?

Yeah, I was here, but, you know, I

guess that really doesn't count.

You were in here with the guy?

What happened?

You're gonna love this.

He held the door for him and told

him to have a nice day.

Oh, man.

Oh, no, will you guys leave him alone?

He feels bad enough he let the guy

just waltz out of here with all my

money.

But it's okay, Jake, really.

Well, at least you know you're looking for

a smoker.

Mm, check for yellow fingers and a raspy

cough.

And I remember the guy had a Bronx

accent.

Well, there you go.

That, a set of fingerprints, and a signed

confession, I think we got this guy.

All righty-roo, I think I got everything

I need to go on.

So you think you can catch him?

No, no, that's just an expression cops use

to get out of the room.

See you, folks.

Ugh, I can't believe this happened.

I can't believe I let this happen.

Well, maybe it's a good sign.

How?

Well, clearly, this is the last place anyone

would want to rob, so maybe they're finally

finished, you know?

No more crime in New York.

I mean, what could be after this on

the list of places to rob?

Oh, dear God, my apartment.

Mr. Connelly, what's bothering you?

I think I have a rash.

There's an itching and a burning and, uh,

maybe some swelling.

All righty, let's take a look.

Well, it's not in a good place.

Never is.

It's under, uh...

It's under my, uh...

Yeah, unfortunately, there's nothing I haven't seen before,

so just take your pants off and let's

get this over with.

It's actually above the waist.

All right, so take your shirt off.

Higher.

Yeah, I charge by the minute.

You want to go again?

So you have a rash and your ball,

huh?

Hi.

I'm Cliff, Capricorn Sales.

I'm Linda, Capricorn Rising.

Can I help you?

Uh, I'm here to have lunch with Dr.

Becker.

Really?

Why?

Can I help you?

Oh, thanks, Margaret.

That'd be great.

Uh, hi.

I'm Cliff Bennett with Capricorn Sales.

I'm here to take Dr. Becker to lunch.

Really?

Why?

Could you just tell the doctor I'm here?

Are you sure you didn't get your dates

mixed up because you're not in my book?

Is that your handwriting?

Yes, it is.

And I would know if the doctor had

watched it.

You know, handwriting says a lot about a

person.

Oh, really?

What does mine say?

That you're sweet and stylish.

Where do you see that?

Right there, in your eyes.

Uh, what else do you see?

Oh, that you're also fun-loving and adventurous

and a little forgetful when it comes to

writing down appointments.

Well, I do love fun.

Well, it looks like you're allergic to toupee

glue.

I think I'd go topless for a few

weeks if I were you.

Out of the question.

I need my hair.

I can't make a living without it.

All right, let me guess.

What, male model?

No, I'm in real estate.

My picture's on bus benches all over town.

Oh, right.

I've been sitting on your face for years.

Howdy there.

John.

Yeah.

Is Cliff Bennett from Capricorn Sales here to

have lunch with you?

Yeah, no, not that salesman.

Now, just get rid of him.

Last time I went out with one of

those guys, I bought 500 monogram reflex hammers.

Yeah, I remember that Christmas.

Look, I need my toupee.

I'm a businessman.

People trust me with hair.

Nobody trusts you.

You sell real estate.

Oh, come on, Dr. Becker.

Nobody knows I wear a toupee.

John, you're off the hook.

I'm having lunch with him.

Fine, just don't buy anything.

I've been wanting to do this for years.

It's all set up, Chris.

This security camera should keep you safe.

All right, thanks a lot, Bob.

Where are the monitors?

Where are the wires here?

Oh, there aren't any.

It's fake.

Well, what am I supposed to do, hit

people over the head with it?

You have to hit them pretty hard.

It's made of cardboard.

Oh.

Hey.

Oh, is that the same kind of bogus

camera you put up in our building?

No, this one's a little more sophisticated.

It's got a silent alarm.

Hey, Jack, where you been?

Just out.

Had some thinking to do.

What's the matter, buddy?

Yeah, you seem kind of down.

I don't know.

Maybe it's the weather.

Or maybe it's the fact that I practically

high-fived the robber as he walked out

with your cash.

I get depressed when it rains.

With your life, it's the rain that gets

to you?

I'm lucky that way.

Jack, it's okay.

It is not your fault.

You don't understand.

Anyway, when I get up in the morning,

I think of myself as just another guy.

You know, a guy with a job, who

has friends, who likes music, who goes out.

But every once in a while, something will

happen to remind me that what I am

before any of those things is blind.

I'm handicapped.

You don't know what that's like.

I mean, even at my best, I'm still

less than everyone else.

Jack, you know...

No, please, please, come on.

Just leave me alone.

I'm sorry.

Well, somebody's got to say something to him.

Well, it would probably mean more coming from

one of you, since I don't know him

that well.

That's true.

We are always best friends.

Not at all.

Look, Jake, this wallowing around in self-pity

makes me want to puke.

I think we sent them the wrong guy.

Well, since it's you, you know, I guess

I ought to think of something to say

to pick you up here.

Um...

Boy, I got nothing.

Uh, no, I got...

All right, listen, here, hang.

What about you and me going to a

hockey game?

You know, I'm really not feeling it.

What is the matter with you?

What?

What?

You invite a blind guy to a hockey

game?

What, so we can feel more lost, more

ridiculous, more out of the loop?

Well, actually, I love hockey.

No, please, please, you don't have to try

to make John feel less stupid.

I mean, my God, why don't you offer

to take him to see the Grand Canyon

or the Painted Desert or see Paris from

the top of the Eiffel Tower?

You know, while you're at it, why don't

you ask him how he feels about the

fact that he'll never be able to look

into his bride's eyes on his wedding day

or see the smile on the face of

his firstborn child?

Oh, God!

See what you did?

Dr. Becker, Margaret's not back from lunch yet,

and I'm not tattling, I'm just worried.

Okay, I'm tattling a little.

Yeah, well, I'm worried.

She went out with that salesperson.

Oh, there you are.

Yeah, please tell me you didn't buy anything.

Oh, relax.

Cliff didn't even try to sell me anything.

Oh, Cliff?

So now you're on a first-name basis?

Oh, he was perfectly charming.

He took me to this cute little Italian

place, we had a glass of wine, we

talked, it was like visiting with an old

friend.

Margaret, you're blushing.

I think.

Did he hit on you?

No.

Well, his hand may have brushed against mine

when I passed him the salt, but I

don't think he was hitting on me.

If you ask me, I think he wanted

the salt and a little sugar.

Oh, come on, he was just trying to

make a sale.

How do you know?

Because I know these guys.

They'd hit on a stapler if it could

place an order.

They lie, they sweet-talk you, they say

anything they have to until you give them

all your money.

Fine, John, he wasn't hitting on me, he

was just trying to make a sale.

I mean, God forbid, after 20 years of

marriage, somebody should pay me a compliment, like

they like my blouse or they find me

charming.

As a matter of fact, I married Lewis

just so I could never hear another compliment

again.

I liked your blouse yesterday.

You're kidding me.

They wanted the poodles?

Oh, I thought they were clouds.

Never mind!

You know, John, I'm really not in the

mood for hockey.

I think I'll just call a cabin ball.

Oh, come on, at least fake a little

of it.

A little enthusiasm?

I really put myself out here.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

It's all about you.

If it were about me, I wouldn't be

here with you.

Come on, man, let's have some fun.

Excuse me.

Pass the relish?

Thanks, fella.

Have a good one.

Oh, my God, that voice.

That was him.

Who?

The guy you just passed the relish to?

That's the guy that robbed Chris.

How do you know?

Because that's what he said to me at

the diner.

Pass the relish?

No, he said, thanks, fella, have a good

one.

There are, like, a million people in New

York.

What are the odds of running into the

right guy?

Hey, listen, John, I know it may sound

crazy, but I could pick his voice out

anywhere.

Believe me, John, I recognize people by their

accents, inflections, speech patterns.

All right, all right, let's say it's him.

What do you want me to do?

Well, get a cop.

There aren't any arrests.

Well, then make a citizen's arrest.

A citizen's arrest?

What do you think this is, a movie?

That's not real.

Please, John, don't let him get away, all

right?

This is my last chance to make things

right.

People get away with crimes every day.

Can't he be one of them?

Please.

Oh.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Hey, you want this?

Oh, yeah, thanks.

Um, look, I know it's gonna sound a

little odd, but I-I need to...

I need to arrest you.

What?

Yeah, yeah, you're-you're under arrest.

You a cop?

No, I'm a doctor.

Well, I feel fine, so get away from

me.

Look, help me out here, will you?

This is a little awkward.

You're under arrest for robbing a diner in

the Bronx.

What?

I didn't rob any diner.

Yeah, you did.

My friend here says he recognizes you.

The blind guy?

Uh-uh, so he can't see, but he

heard you say...

What did you say?

You said, thanks, fella, have a good one.

Yeah, that.

See, that's the proof.

Now, I'm just gonna have to hold you

here until I can find the cop.

Oh, and by the way, whatever you say

can and will be held against you.

Oh, yeah?

Up yours.

Yeah, like that.

See, that's gonna be held against you.

Yeah, get out of my way.

No, hey, I'm serious.

Come back here.

Hey, hey, hey!

Whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey!

What's your problem here, buddy, huh, pal?

Jake?

Do you want to start something?

Huh?

Fine, let's start.

Jake!

Hey!

Police!

Police!

Jake, let me out of here!

So, like any

good citizen, I apprehended the guy.

Not only because he was a hero, but

if other people think it's appropriate, you know,

what am I gonna do about it?

Dr. Becker, what I don't understand is, if

this guy was so much bigger than you,

how did you wrestle him to the ground?

Well, Linda, you'd be surprised how much strength

you had when you really needed it.

Where are we gonna get the strength to

listen to that story again?

Hello, Margaret.

Hello, Cliff.

Hi, there.

How are you today?

Linda, go make coffee.

I already made coffee.

Then go drink it.

Can I help you?

Well, I had such a good time at

lunch yesterday, I thought maybe you'd like to

join me again today.

Sorry, busy.

Oh, well, okay, maybe tomorrow.

Because you mentioned you like Thai food, and

I found a great Thai...

Oh, why don't you just save it for

someone who's actually gonna buy something from you?

Excuse me?

Oh, look, I know you were just being

nice so you could make a sale.

Well, that's not gonna happen.

Do you really think I would do that?

I mean, yes, I have to take clients

to lunch and be nice to them, but

when we were together yesterday, that was the

first time in a long time that I

actually forgot I had a job.

Well, let's say I do believe you, that

you weren't trying to make a sale.

Well, what was everything else?

I mean, what were all the compliments?

Margaret, you're a beautiful, charming, intelligent woman, and

I enjoyed spending time with you.

But you must hear that all the time.

All the time?

Well, you should.

See?

You're doing it again.

Are you hitting on me?

Hitting on you?

No.

But only because you're married.

Yes, yes, I am.

I'm married to, uh, uh...

Lewis.

Yes, Lewis.

Well, um, are you still too busy to

have lunch?

I mean, just as friends?

Hmm.

Well, a girl's gotta eat.

And if it makes you feel any better,

I'll even let you pay.

Oh, now, let's not get crazy.

Jake, it's just so amazing the way you

were able to pick that guy out by

the sound of his voice.

Oh, thanks, Chris.

You know what they say, you lose one

sense, the other ones get stronger.

Huh?

You're like a blind superhero.

Yeah, Stevie Wonderman.

I can't wait to see the action figure.

He'll wind it up and it'll walk through

a plate-glass window.

Hey, Bob, you have no idea what it

took to bring this guy down.

You squirted mustard in his face.

Spicy mustard.

Yeah.

The neighbors have been getting a little rough.

I was gonna get a stun gun, but

I think I'll just go to the market

and get a jar of Grey Poupon.

Yeah.

Uh, you know what, I better get going.

I gotta get to the cleaners before they

close.

Uh, hey, Jake, the bank is right on

your way.

Would you make this deposit for me?

Oh, well, yeah, I'd be glad to.

Your money's safe with me.

I'm not worried.

I know it will be.

Uh, Jake, that's the, uh...

The bathroom, yes, I know.

The bank doesn't like it when you pee

in the night deposit slot.

Afternoon, ladies.

Well, well, well.

Heard about your little citizen's arrest.

Glad you were safe and used a condiment.

Get it?

I'm in hell with you people.

That killed down at the station.

You know, maybe if you'd spent less time

making jokes, ordinary citizens wouldn't have to do

your job.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, easy there, Nancy.

You'd have a better point if you'd caught

the right guy.

What?

You arrested the wrong man.

You're lucky he didn't press charges.

We caught the right guy this morning running

out of the jewelry store down the street.

Pretty tough customer.

We didn't have any mustard.

We brought him down with half a buttered

bagel.

See you, folks.

Wow, you must feel ridiculous.

Hey, you know, eventually that guy would have

committed some crime.

I just pre-arrested him, that's all.

Hey, was that Detective Borco I heard?

Was he here to thank us?

Not exactly.

Actually, he wanted to.

Yeah, he wanted to, uh, uh, to thank

you himself, man.

He came all the way down here just

to tell you how impressed he was with

you.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I am, too, buddy.

Hey, well, thanks a lot.

That means a lot to me.

All right, well, I'm off to the bank.

I'll see you later.

That was nice of you.

What?

The way you let Jake keep his pride.

No, I just didn't want to hear him

feeling sorry for himself again.

Trust me, I did it for myself.

No, no, no.

You did it for him.

You're a good friend.

Following Jake to the bank?

Yeah, he'll never know I'm there.