Original subtitles

He was a great ball of nature The

birds were never known for speed The

birds got speed The

birds got speed Life is a waste of

time Come out to see the

sun You're all we've got But I said,

I think there's more of them like us

He said, you might be right We'll find

a big town Yeah,

hi, Ken.

I know it's late, I'm sorry.

I was just calling about your apartment.

Does it have a surround sound system with

speakers that rock your world in concert quality?

Like...

No.

That's okay.

It has a microwave?

Yeah, I don't think it's really gonna work.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

It does make for a really pretty awesome

used vehicle.

If you check out the sticker, you'll see

that it is a six-cylinder engine, which

is pretty fast.

It's not great getting on the freeway, but

you'll get used to it.

And then there's automatic locks and automatic windows.

It's pretty standard, but it's pretty awesome.

And anti-lock braking system and an AM

FM cassette.

You know, nowadays you kind of want a

CD player, but you can put that in

aftermarket.

But it's perfect.

I mean, as you can see, it's pretty

much the perfect car for you guys.

You know, here's the thing.

It's not really in our price range.

I kind of agree.

It's a little expensive.

Let me just...

Let me, um...

Let me just get with a big man,

and I'll be back in just one second.

But don't go anywhere.

Okay.

Let's get out of here.

You know what?

I'm just gonna...

Um...

I just think it'd be sad in there.

We're really okay.

I don't want to do this, but my

manager...

Oh, there he is.

Hey.

I'll give you $20, and we'll just sit

in the car.

$20 each?

Sure.

Um, if you could just, um...

adjust the mirrors, maybe.

That's what a lot of people do when

they buy cars.

You know, if you could just touch the

fabric on the ceiling up there.

Wait.

That would be...

Go ahead.

Good work.

Could you, um, please try the windshield wipers?

I had those people.

I had them right where I wanted them.

What's this?

It's your preliminary disciplinary action form meeting contract.

What does that mean?

It means you gotta sign it.

It's a contract.

You can't pull up your quotas.

What kind of shit can you?

I had those tits I emailed you this

morning.

Hello?

Hello.

You're where?

Holy shit.

Listen, you're not the bail spooner.

Agent Corporate just got here.

Up you go.

Come on.

You gotta go.

Okay.

Uh, okay.

Come on.

Come on.

Out.

Out.

Hey.

Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Over here.

Call me Stan.

Oh, yeah.

So, have you found a place?

Oh, that is nice.

It's awesome, isn't it?

Who's this?

Oh, that's the, um...

It's a realtor.

She's the realtor.

She's with the company that rented me the

place.

She is very good-looking.

Yeah, we gave it a shot, and then

we went on a date.

It just didn't really work out.

Speaking of, I set you up for tomorrow

night.

Mom, I don't need to get set up.

I've totally got game.

Thank you.

I really like this one.

She's different than Becky or Molly or Angela.

She's a cute little number.

What's her name?

Her name is Linda.

I'm really glad we decided to set a

deadline, Hermie.

I'm proud of you.

You'll be glad you did this.

This is the best birthday present you can

give to yourself.

Totally.

I'm really excited about it.

Good.

But, like, the deadline, if it could be

pushed back for one week...

It's time for you to fly.

Yeah, okay.

I mean, it's no big deal or anything.

I'm totally ready to fly.

Anything on

my face?

No, no, no.

Looking good.

Okay.

I love that.

Spooner.

Yes, Herman Spooner is my name.

Awesome.

Thank you.

Bye.

So, brother, the boys and I, we were

starting to think about a little lunch.

Lunch?

Yeah, that sounds pretty rocking.

Actually, we were thinking if you could pick

us up some grub.

I'm fucking starving.

Yeah, no problem.

I got it.

Hi.

Hi.

Are you okay?

Well, I've been on hold with a tow

truck company for, like, 20 minutes.

Oh, yeah, it's because there's only one tow

company here in Monrovia, and, you know, he's

usually pretty busy and everything, so...

I mean, I work at this place called

Manfredi Auto, and, uh, we have a...

we have a tow truck.

I could call them.

Yeah, I could see if they could help

you out.

That would be amazing.

Thank you so much.

Will you do that?

It's no big deal or anything.

I mean, we might have to order a

part or something.

How long do you think it's gonna take?

About a day or so.

I was just on my way to Oceanside.

I was supposed to be there already.

Yeah, but, you know, it might be a

lot less.

I mean, those guys are, like, totally pros

and, like, really good at their job, so

they might, like, have the part or whatever.

Thank you.

You hungry?

I'm starving.

Do you want a hamburger?

I just want you to know I don't...

I don't usually do this.

Do what?

I mean, I don't usually eat burgers with

people that I don't really know.

Me neither.

I mean, I'm not, like, a freak or

something.

I don't just drive around with burgers waiting

to, you know, help people.

I've actually never done this before.

I mean, I usually only eat hamburgers with

people that I've known for at least a

couple of hours.

This is really good.

It's good, right?

Mm-hmm.

It's got a special sauce.

What?

An avocado.

There's this place in San Francisco called Chaucer's.

They have the most amazing, um, like, salsa

burger thing.

It's really incredible.

So you're from San Fran?

Um, no, I'm from Oceanside, but I, um...

I live in San Francisco now.

I love San Fran.

Really?

Do you go there a lot?

I mean, I've never...

I mean, I've never actually physically been to

San Fran, but...

it's definitely, like, totally at the top of

my list.

Places I totally want to go.

Cool.

I love your sports rack.

It's pretty badass.

Thanks.

Let's go.

All right, we're all set.

Riding in the truck?

Uh, yeah, I guess so.

I've got, uh, air conditioning in my car.

We have air pressure.

Thanks.

Thanks, guys.

We have the same type of car.

It's kind of cool.

What do you got for me?

Do you want to see my apartment?

Uh...

No, I have a picture of it.

Oh, okay.

That's where I live.

Oh, it's really nice.

Thanks, I just got it.

Who's that?

Realtor.

She jumped to the picture.

I was like...

She jumped in.

Hey, thank you so much for helping me

with all of this.

I mean, you've been so accommodating.

So, is Spinner your real name?

Totally.

Herman Spinner, director of sales and operations.

So, the mechanics bed is back over there,

and if they give you any trouble at

all, my office is through that door right

there, and you make a left, and there's

a cubicle and another cubicle, and that's my

office space.

Who's that guy?

That's, um, just one of the guys.

Hey!

Touchdown.

This is one of the things that we

do around here.

It's crazy.

Well, thank you so much again, Spinner.

Yeah, but don't mention it.

It's, um...

Rose.

Rose.

Thanks.

Well, give us, Herman.

What?

I'm waiting a goddamn hour.

My burger.

Oh, I'm sorry, Stan.

Where's my meat?

Spinner!

Hey, guys, hi.

You know where that girl went?

The one, um...

Rose, do you know where she went?

She went to the Aztec.

The Aztec.

Perfect.

Thanks.

Hey, Mom.

Herman, Linda's on her way.

You might want to take a shower.

I'm blowing off steam right now, Mom.

Herman?

You out there?

Herman?

Oh.

Hey!

You're upsetting your mother.

Herman, are you in here?

What the hell are you doing?

Your mother's inside with...

with that broad.

She's here, and hey, I gotta tell you,

she's...

I've seen her.

She's a big girl, but she's pretty, and

I think you'll like her.

But, Dad, I didn't ask Mom to set

me up on some date.

Herman, she's got a girl inside waiting for

you.

Come on.

I mean, I don't want to go on

a date, so whatever.

You didn't shower, did you?

You know, now I'm getting a little pissed

because I have to go back in there

and face your mom, and I don't want

to do that without you with me.

Because if you're not gonna do it for

yourself, then go on a date for your

mother and me.

Knight's still young, right?

My aunt says you're director of sales and

operations over at Manfretti Auto.

Nice.

Pretty awesome being there, yeah.

Manfretti Auto.

Out of this world.

Maybe we should just do this another time,

because I totally forgot I ate a sandwich

just a little while ago, so I'm not

hungry or anything.

Well, I have to eat.

I have to eat.

If I don't eat, everyone will suffer.

Yeah, totally.

I don't want to have the red hot

acid barfs.

And I will have them if I don't

eat.

Cough, cough, cough.

Cough, cough, cough.

Fries or coleslaw?

Coleslaw, please.

Linda likes you, Herman.

Linda likes your sassy attitude.

She thinks Herman needs to put Linda in

some kind of hot number off your lot,

like a Cadillac.

Cadillac.

We don't really have anything like that right

now on the lot.

I want to ride it.

Something that fits her just right.

Yeah.

Something she can get inside and ride.

I don't need so much to get anywhere.

I just need to take the ride in

the car.

And by car, I mean your dick.

I'll just be right back, okay?

No.

Excuse me, I have to use the restroom

real quick.

Can you let go?

I don't care.

Thank you.

To me.

Thank you.

Spooner?

Hey, Rose Conland.

That's me.

What are you doing here?

I've got a meeting, a business meeting.

I was playing basketball and then came to

the meeting.

Yeah, I'm still waiting for my room.

How's Roxanne coming?

Roxanne?

My car.

It's absolutely fine.

I give you my word as Director of

Sales and Operations that Roxanne is completely in

good hands and she will 100% be

ready.

Well, as coming from the Director of Operations

and Sales, I appreciate that.

Well, you know, we aim to please.

I've been looking for you, Herman.

I'm Freddy Otto.

What do you say, Mr. Director and Linda

blow this popsicle stand?

Hi, I'm Rose.

I'm Herman, Linda's date.

Let's go.

Bye, Herman.

Ugh.

We should go out again.

Like next week?

Yeah, I'll text you or something.

What about next week?

I'll text you.

Next week?

Okay.

But listen, if you don't put out, I'm

gonna have to get it somewhere else.

Ugh.

Oh, boy.

What's up, Spinner?

Hey, George.

Can I borrow a room real quick to

take a shower in?

Yeah, you look like shit.

Please.

All right.

One ten.

Don't use the towels.

Maid's already cleaned.

Schließen Sie die Tür.

Sie die Tür.

Shit.

Ja, ja, schließen Sie.

What now, Spinner?

Do you think you can give me a

quick shave and a clean up of the

fuzzies?

Barber shop's closed.

What if I give you forty bucks?

I'm doing my German, man.

I'm going on a trip to Germany.

I ain't got a buck up on it.

I'll give you sixty if you throw in

Rose Conlon's room number.

Maybe a haircut and a shave, but we'll

have to talk about the room number.

Hey, George.

Can I ask you a question?

Hey, sixty bucks.

Go ahead.

If you just met me, but you kind

of really didn't know me, would you think

that I was, like, an interesting person?

Or an attractive person?

A nice, like, if you...

Would you think I was a nice person?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And my stomach hurts like I'm in a

song.

Hi.

Hey.

Aren't you supposed to be on a...

a date?

It's not going to work out, that whole

thing.

So...

what are you doing here?

I just, you know, just kind of wanted

to look at a room.

I mean, I just want to make sure,

you know, that it's not a crappy room.

If it's a crappy room, I don't want

to make recommendations to all my friends who

ask me, you know, what kind of place

can you recommend?

Um, well, it's not crap in here.

Oh, that's good.

But you can see for yourself.

Cool.

Just, you know, just check it out for

a sec.

You want a drink?

That'd be awesome.

Awesome.

What do they got?

I don't know.

It's all retardedly expensive.

Don't worry, I can cover it.

I mean, I've got, like, five figures in

the bank.

I can...

a drink.

Yeah, you want...

I'd like vodka.

Well, how much, though?

Seriously.

It's good.

This stuff's potent.

I mean, I'm totally drunk right now.

Which is weird, because I can get shit

-faced and totally handle myself.

I mean, yeah, I go out with my

buddies like six, seven times a week.

Plus, I'm a really big guy, so...

But this stuff, gin, is tough.

If we were in my bar, I'd serve

you good liquor.

You have a bar?

No.

I mean, it's not...

I don't own a bar.

I'm a bartender.

No, I used to be a bartender.

And then I decided that I needed to

do something more monumental with my life.

I mean, that seems like a pretty good

decision.

Yeah, I don't know.

My car breaking down today, it...

it just kind of made me start to

second-guess myself, you know?

Like, maybe...

I'm not meant to get on the plane

the day after tomorrow.

Maybe my monumental decision in relation with the

universe was just entirely inconsequential, you know?

Wow, where are you going?

I'm going to the Philippines.

I'm gonna be a teacher.

Wow.

Whoa.

What about you, Spooner?

Did you always want to be a car

salesman?

I wanted to be a, um...

a boat captain.

But that's not really something you can become,

especially if you don't have access to a

boat.

Plus, Monrovia's totally landlocked anyway, so...

just...

That's so weird.

Why is that weird?

I needed a boat for my dream job,

too.

What was your dream job?

I wanted to be a whale hunter.

Not somebody who hunts whales, somebody who just

finds them and keeps track of them, you

know?

Wow.

Now, that...

that's cool.

We could have a whole operation together.

I could have been your boat captain.

That would have been...

whatever.

That's not me doing anything, but that would

have been pretty bitchin'.

If I didn't know you and you didn't

know me and we met on a dock

one day and I put you on a

boat and we just followed whales all day,

that's totally beautiful.

You remember that show, The Dating Game?

They always send, like, the contestants to San

Francisco when they won.

You wanted to be on The Dating Game?

Used to be my favorite show growing up.

Sounds kind of weird, but it's pretty awesome

if you think about it, like, this girl

on the other side of the screen who's

never seen you before and just answers your

question and falls in love with you over

the course of three questions.

I mean, it's a pretty perfect scenario.

You get to just be you.

It's not like you're about your hair or

where you went to high school or...

It's just you, and she gets to pick

you or the other guy.

I kind of always wanted to be bachelor

number one.

I mean, at least in San Francisco you

have whale watching and really good food.

You know, I actually think that drinks were

just created to go with good food.

Well, there's always the obvious one, but then

there are the ones that are, like, completely

unexpected and they go so well together.

It's kind of amazing.

Like, um...

Like a spicy Bloody Mary with a grilled

cheese sandwich.

Or, um...

A cold beer with an egg sandwich with

pickles on it.

And you have to have the pickles, because

that's what kind of, like, draws it all

together.

Or, um...

A cupcake and a glass of wine.

It's kind of like sugar overload, but it's

so good.

Or, like...

A really, really perfect, amazingly fresh fish.

Like, just grilled.

So it forms, like, this light crust on

it with a pina colada.

That's perfect.

Hey, Rose.

Yeah?

Can I ask you a question?

Okay.

Are you, like, you know, whatever, in a

relationship or whatever right now?

No.

Yeah, me neither.

I mean, what's the point of having, like,

a rocking bachelor pad if you're not gonna

be an actual bachelor?

Am I right?

Yeah, totally.

laughs Come on, Spooner.

Come on, get up.

laughs I'm gonna hit my head.

I am the art

at sea It's a wonderful

life It's a wonderful life I

want her Get up, Spooner.

Oh, hey, George.

Sorry.

Um...

What are you doing?

I mean, it's no big deal.

I think we were just swimming for a

few minutes, and...

The pool's closed.

Sorry.

Sorry.

coughs Are you okay?

Yeah, no, I'm okay.

It's pretty much the best night of my

life.

So are you good at it?

Am I good at what?

You know.

Spooning.

Oh.

Yeah.

I'm good at that.

That's my thing.

I had fun.

Me too.

Sorry about the spooning and everything.

All right, bye.

Birthday, boy!

Dad, what are you doing?

It's dirty!

Can't be in the house anymore.

I'm not in the house.

I'm not in the house, Dad.

Okay.

But you gotta be off the property for

it to count!

It's my birthday!

Rose Collins Room, please.

Thank you.

Oh, hey, Rose.

Uh, you're not there, but this is your

answering machine, so, um, just wanna say hey.

It's Herman Spooner.

Um, you know, I'm sorry about the other

night, about the whole spooning situation.

This has never happened to me before.

Um, it's no big deal or anything.

I just wanted to say that.

Uh, and if you wanna talk to me,

you know, about anything that, or anything else,

I'm at Manfredi Auto.

I'm sure you have the phone number because

Roxanne's here and everything.

But, uh, go ahead and call me and

just ask for Spooner and we can talk.

Alright, uh, well, goodbye, and bye-bye.

♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪

Hey, Spooner, happy birthday!

Oh, thanks, Mark.

Hey, man, you're getting old.

That's hilarious.

Yeah, you better have babies before it's too

late, Spooner.

Better watch out.

I think you got a bald spot coming

in there.

Hey, you guys, um, Rose, is her car,

is it done?

Yeah, it's all set and ready for action.

Oh.

Hey, number one job, guys.

Good job.

Yeah, thanks.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Hey, hey, hey, Spooner!

You want to get some birthday drinks after

work, buddy?

Hey, hey, after work drinks sounds good.

There's a great strip place.

We'll go to the strip dancer, sexy strip

dancers, get some live dancing.

We'll roll up dollar bills and whip them

at them.

Yeah.

Okay.

Psyche!

That was a good one.

Happy birthday!

Happy own birthday!

Oh, that was so good.

Where do you get money shots, dude?

Aztec Hotel.

Hi, Rose, Conlon's room, please.

She checked out.

When?

Sir, it's not my job to keep track

of all the guests in the hotel.

I have no idea.

You know, it should be.

I mean, you should talk to somebody about

that.

Goodbye for now.

I didn't mean to be rude.

Goodbye.

Hello?

Hi, birthday boy!

Hey, Mom.

Happy birthday, honey.

Thanks, Mom.

How's work?

Is it fun?

Oh, we're slammed.

We're really in the weeds here today, but,

you know.

Are you still coming for birthday lunch?

Do you think you can make fish today

for lunch?

Of course.

Anything for my birthday boy.

Thank you, Mom.

Um, I gotta go.

I got a ton of calls and, like,

e-mails to respond to, so...

Okay, goodbye, Mom.

Bye-bye.

Hey, birthday spooner.

Here's a buy card from me.

It's my birthday sash.

Looks good on you.

Maybe it'll help your quarters.

Thanks.

What do you say we go for a

spin?

Me and you.

In honor of your birthday.

I'm kind of waiting for a customer right

now.

Come on, big man.

I said it's okay.

I said it's okay, it's okay.

I would love to go.

We should go right around the block.

Donut's on me.

Fifteen minutes.

I love a donut.

A donut sounds nice.

Especially on my birthday.

A birthday donut sounds good, but I just...

I don't wanna...

You're coming.

Um...

Just give me a minute.

Yeah.

Just one minute.

Minute.

Yeah.

The place that we're heading has the best

donuts on the planet, bar none.

Happy I could take you there on your

birthday.

Thanks, Tim.

And by the way, thanks for not saying

anything about Asian corporate.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, yeah.

No big deal or anything.

Okay.

Hey, Spooner.

Spooner, what do you see when you look

at this donut?

I see a chocolate donut with sprinkles.

Fuck, Spooner.

That's exactly your problem.

No vision.

When I look at this donut, I see

a big fat zero.

And right now, that's exactly where your sales

quota's going.

Get the idea?

So, being the kind of guy I am,

I thought I'd share a couple of damn

signatures with you.

Now, let me tell you from experience, she

don't deal with customer a lot like she

don't deal with lady.

I mean, you can't, you can't just get

in there.

No.

First, you gotta warm up the idea.

Let them know who you are and all

that you have to offer.

Make them think that you're listening to every

word they're saying.

Then you're really attending their needs.

Do that, deal's sealed.

Who knows, you might even get a wife

out of that.

That's how I snag beauty.

Happy birthday, Spooner.

Go ahead and get some.

There you go.

Ooh.

Oh, there you go, buddy.

Princess best.

All right, I want you to go work

them over good and hard.

Make sure you bring me back the papers

after you make that sale.

Hey.

Hi.

How you doing?

Good.

Good.

Real nice car, huh?

Yeah.

Happy birthday.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, it's my birthday.

She's got a beautiful shade of red.

She, okay, look, I gotta be honest with

you, okay?

This car's kind of a piece of shit.

I mean, it's foreign, it's got tons of

miles, and it's been in two, maybe three

wrecks, plus it's red.

Everyone, everyone, everyone knows that a red car

gets pulled over 50% more than any

other car, but if you guys want it,

I mean, if you really want this car,

I mean, shit, I'll, I'll totally sell it

to you.

It's just...

Oh, nice.

Look, it's listed at 10 in the blue

book, say how much you want to pay

for it.

Six.

Six?

Deal.

That's a deal.

Yeah, six.

Hi.

Oh.

Hi.

Hi, Spooner.

Oh, okay.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, hello.

What's happening?

How are you today?

I was calling.

Did you get my message?

You left me a message?

Oh, it's no, no big deal or anything,

I mean...

You didn't tell me it was your birthday.

Yeah, it's my birthday today.

It didn't make me realize, so...

I wish I would've known it was your

birthday.

I would've got you a present.

Oh, I should, um, I should get going.

Um...

You can't do that.

Um...

The car's not ready.

Really?

That's weird, they just told me it was

ready.

It did?

Yeah.

Well, the guys, they just went to lunch

and they told me to tell you that

it wouldn't be ready for an hour or

something like that, so it's not ready now.

Well, are you sure it's just gonna be

an hour?

Because I have to get home, my mom's

throwing me this party thing, and I have

to leave tomorrow.

It will...

I promise you it will just be an

hour, it's just, um...

Oh, okay.

There's a, um...

There's a, like, a birthday lunch, and it's

kind of an annual, traditional kind of thing

that, um...

If you want to go, I mean, it's

no big deal, I think, if you don't

want to go, it's no big deal, but

if you wanted to go, I can for

sure, I probably can get you in or

something.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That's cool.

I think we're serving fish.

Okay.

Okay?

Okay.

I'll get that.

Oh, okay, thank you.

You're heavy.

It's nothing.

You coming?

Yeah.

So, you pretty much ready to go?

Yeah.

Um...

I just have to go down to my

parents' house for this thing and pick up

some stuff for them.

That's cool.

I don't know about the Philippines so far

away.

I mean, it seems like a good place

to visit and everything.

I don't know if I can live there.

Have you been?

No.

Let me speak a couple phrases Tagalog.

Really?

I bought a book but I'm terrible at

it.

Um...

So, I'm a sadisa.

It means thank you for the fish.

Right.

Um...

Maganda?

What's that?

Beautiful?

That's a good one.

Thank you.

Happy birthday, Herman.

Hi.

Hi.

Who's your friend?

I'm Rose.

Rose?

This is my mom, Alice and that's my

dad, Dennis.

Well, we're glad you're here.

We were thinking maybe Herman was gay.

Happy birthday, Herman.

Chocolate coconut.

Thanks, Mom.

Hmm.

Ah!

Yeah!

Herman, did you make a wish?

Yeah, I did.

Herman has a really cool bachelor pad.

Have you seen it?

I haven't actually seen it.

I've seen pictures, though and it looks really

lovely.

It's got custom surround sound speakers with direct

reflectors and they're all built in so it's

pretty awesome.

Sounds awesome.

How did you two meet?

Um, well, my car broke down and Herman

actually really helped me.

Yeah, it was no big deal or anything.

It's just, um, you know, I saw her

so I thought I'd help.

He rescued me.

I have access to a fully functioning tow

truck so I made that available to her.

Oh, thank you.

Rose is actually about to do something totally

monumental with her life.

She's moving to the Philippines.

She's got, like, a killer party to get

to today.

Mmm.

I knew it were too good to be

true.

She's a fugitive.

Ha, ha, ha.

Lunch was delicious.

Thank you so much for having me.

Sal me sa adisa.

What's that?

Thank you for the fish.

Is that, uh, Filipino?

Tikalag.

That's what they speak in the Philippines.

I've been learning it but somehow Herman actually

already knew some.

Hey, see what you get this one.

Wasa swintak sushi.

Guess where that's from.

How about some more sushi?

You're kind of oriental.

You have round eyes, but physically...

Excuse me?

So sorry about my dad.

He's such a, you know, he's a goon.

At least you're really nice.

Fun.

My dad's fun.

If somebody said what's an adjective you'd say

about your dad and your mom, I would

say fun and awesome.

And my mom's for sure the best cook

in all of Monrovia so that's fish.

Fish was delicious.

It was good, right?

Yeah.

I'm trying to work fish into my diet

a lot more these days.

I think it's a really good healthy protein

alternative to red meat.

It's, um, it's a pretty cool fort, huh?

It's really cool.

Thanks.

When did you build it?

We started when I was six.

My dad and I and a couple of

kids from the neighborhood started collecting scraps of

wood and stuff from all over the place.

About the time we were ten we added

the corrugated steel roof.

It can pretty much withstand any kind of

storm system that comes through.

I've been in here in a hail storm

and it was, it was totally awesome.

You have really big hands.

I have like the biggest hands of any

person I've ever seen in my entire life.

That's not saying that much because you have

the most tiny hands I've ever seen of

anyone in my life.

Yeah.

I could palm your face.

I'm not going to, but if you were

to die and I cut your head off

and boiled it down I could for sure

palm your skull.

That'd be, I mean I wouldn't do that

or whatever, but I could.

I've got big hands.

That's all.

You're very talented too.

Can you do this?

Watch.

Can you snap?

This hand goes like this and then this

hand goes like this.

It makes like a triangle.

Can you do that?

But then you do it together.

So you go You can't do it.

Leave it a little complete singlification.

It's off the dance.

It's pretty huge you're in here right now.

I mean I can officially say you're the

only girl to be in here since like

the age of 12.

It seems how today I'm 30.

That's 18 solid years of no girls in

here.

It's cool.

I'm glad you're here.

Some pretty epic things have happened in this

fort.

Do you still come back here a lot?

It's a kid's fort, so.

So?

It's fun to kind of be a kid

again, right?

I guess if you're into that kind of

thing.

It seems like a pretty good place to

think about some monumental stuff.

Well, I'll build you one.

I mean when you come back from the

Philippines or whatever, I can totally build you

one.

I've got like a drill and I mean

I'll put together a plan and I'll send

it to you in a PDF format and

you can check it out in the Philippines.

Do you want some more cake?

I can get you more cake.

There's lots of cake in there.

You know what?

I'm going to go to the restroom and

then I should probably get back.

Totally.

Okay.

Thanks for

coming to lunch with me.

It was fun.

Hey.

So, I've been thinking.

Like I was totally just wondering if you'd

like to be my girlfriend.

I mean it's kind of like a monumental

decision and everything but I just want to

remind you that opportunities like this they totally

they don't come along that often and everything.

In Monrovia, I mean Monrovia is a totally

sweet place to live especially if you're dating

the Director of Sales and Operations.

It's totally great.

If you were all with me around here,

life would be totally awesome.

So, you know, you should think about it

and if you want to, if you want

it, that would be totally cool because I

would love to do it but if you

don't, it's no big deal or anything at

all.

I mean it's just, I thought I would

ask before you went back down to Oceanside

and then the Philippines.

That's a really tempting offer, Herman.

I can't make excuses for myself anymore.

You know, I make excuses for my life

not being where I want it to be

and a lot of times those things are

tied to people and relationships and I just,

I can't do that to myself right now.

Totally.

I get it.

I'm sorry.

No big deal or anything.

Just thought I'd ask.

Please don't go.

I'm really, really sorry.

Is everything okay?

Uh, no.

Someone sabotaged us.

Well how long is it going to take

to fix?

Well, they stole a part.

We looked everywhere for it.

Yeah, we're going to have to order a

new one.

Uh.

Herman, where did you get that?

I just wanted to stay.

I mean, I just met you.

I don't want you to go.

It's kind of already broken anyway.

Yeah, and then I fixed it and then

you broke it again.

You want to fight me, Spooner?

I don't want to fight you, Juan.

You break my cars, I fight you.

Okay, can you guys just please fix my

car?

I already fixed it.

He broke it again.

Hey you guys, fix her car.

Come on, let's go, let's fight.

Fine, you can fight me, all right, I'll

give you a free shot.

I mean, I deserve it, but then, then

you have to fix her car.

God, Juan.

Ow.

I told you I was going to fight

you, Spooner.

You left yourself open, dummy.

Yeah, I know, I just didn't really know

you were going to hit me so hard

in the face.

But that's cool, whatever, it didn't, didn't really

hurt or nothing, it's okay.

I'm sorry, are you okay?

I think I'm bleeding a little.

Yeah, your nose is bleeding.

Yeah, a little bit.

I can't wait anymore, Herman, I have to

go.

I mean, I'll drive you if you want

me to, I'll drive you anywhere you want.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Come on.

Dude, wait.

Just take the truck.

Are you sure?

What are you going to do, take a

bus?

Take it.

What's going on, Spooner?

He sabotaged my repair job.

Juan hit me.

What about Gorilla Transport?

He gave away Gorilla Transport.

Is that true, Spooner?

Maybe.

Well, if it is true, you're out of

here.

Just give me a break.

What did you just say?

Give me a break?

Are you challenging me, Spooner?

I don't know, maybe.

I suggest you go pack up that cubicle

of yours.

Whatever.

Can I just say something, though, before I

clean out my cubicle?

The floor is yours, Spooner.

Your whole goals, sales and quotas, it's all...

it's all bullshit.

I mean, 80%, you know, that's a B.

I mean, it's barely a B.

It's really legitimately a B-.

And everything in your life is built on

that, being that B-.

If you ever get any closer to 100

% with the happy face that you have

in your office, you're not going to be

any happier, because you're just a dick, Stan.

I want you to stay right there, because

I'm going to call the cops and tell

them you stole company property.

You're not going to call the cops.

I'll call your wife and your dad and

tell them about Asian corporate.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We don't have to do anything totally irrational

here.

With all the shit I got against you,

go ahead.

You and I were even.

Whatever you say.

We were even, Steven.

Dad?

Dad?

Mom?

I see you guys.

Hey.

Got blood on your face?

Got punched.

What, did you hit him back?

No.

So what are you doing here, son?

I don't know.

I totally screwed things up with Rose.

Oh, hell.

That's, uh...

That's too bad.

I liked her.

She was pretty perfect.

Can I come in?

I don't think you can.

Dad, dad, dad, dad!

She's not in here, Spooner.

She's out there somewhere.

They're all out there.

All kinds of them.

I like the Rose kind.

Good.

Then you should get off this porch and

go work on that.

Okay?

I love you, son.

Is it ready?

Is Roxanne done?

Oh, yeah, all fixed.

Can I have the keys, please?

Sure thing, Spooner.

Thank you.

Roxanne.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi, I'm Herman Spooner.

Everyone just calls me Spooner, though, so...

Come on in.

Hello.

I was just getting the party rocking.

I'm Jack.

Hey, Jack, I'm Herman Spooner.

Hey, Herman.

Have you seen Rose?

I'm sure the old battle axe is around

here somewhere.

What did you call her?

Got an on-off thing for a few

years.

We just spooned.

What was that?

Me and Rose, we just pretty much spooned

it pretty hard last night.

I mean, it's no big deal or anything,

but it kind of is.

Have we met?

Probably not.

My name's Herman Spooner.

Everyone calls me Spooner.

I'm Lily.

Hi, Lily.

How do you know Rose?

Oh, we went out for about 48 hours.

Oh.

Yeah, you know, we're gonna try to be

in a long-distance relationship while she's in

the Philippines.

I mean, I have, like, five figures in

the bank, so I'm not even worried about,

like, long-distance phone calls or if she

wants to send a fax or whatever, I

can totally cover that.

Plus, I just got fired from my job,

so, you know, I've got killer time to

make good love letters and...

I see.

How about you?

I'm her sister.

Oh, okay.

Just so you know, I really don't think

Rose is going anywhere.

What?

Yeah, she's out in her car.

Don't you think somebody should go get her?

It's no use.

She's not gonna come down.

Where is her car?

It's around the corner.

That way.

Can you hold this, please?

Our first phrase is...

Sala me sa, Adisa.

Sala me sa, Adisa.

Thank you for...

Sala me sa, Adisa.

Sala me sa, Adisa.

Spooner, what are you doing here?

Welcome to Newmont.

You are welcome.

I was kind of a selfish asshole, so

I thought I'd bring you Roxanne, and I

recorded you some language tape so you don't

have to read the books.

That's really nice of you.

I'm not really director of sales and operations.

I'm just a pretty shitty salesman.

And...

also...

I've lived at home pretty much my entire

life.

I don't have a sweet pad.

I know.

It's okay.

Do you think, you know, maybe I could

come up there with you?

I guess so.

Cool.

Is there

anything I can do to help you?

I'm just scared.

I don't know if I'm making the right

decision, you know?

I just kind of...

I wanted to do something significant with my

life.

So I just picked something.

You probably picked it for a reason.

You know, I wanted to try being a

teacher.

I've never taught anything before.

And what if I'm terrible at it?

But what if you're completely and totally magnificent?

Maybe.

It's nice up here, huh?

I love it.

There's just something about being up here.

It kind of makes you feel closer to

the universe.

You know, like, when you realize that you're

not in control of anything.

It's so funny.

I, like, told my boss he could stick

it with the sun don't shine.

I broke his bluetooth, almost ensuring that I

am, like, completely fired, totally.

I drove down here and memorized 100 phrases

of Tagalog, which, I have to tell you,

I don't really speak.

And I crashed your party.

It's funny.

What's your point?

Sometimes it's pretty totally awesome to have control

of just this little piece of the world

that you're in.

Not complete control, but just a little control.

You should go to the Philippines, Rose.

You're gonna have an amazing time.

You think so?

There's not a doubt in my mind.

Just say no, no big deal, whatever, but

when you come home, um...

I'm gonna have a pretty rocking bachelor pad.

And you can totally crash there.

Keep that in mind.

Oh, my dear Should I let you go

for yourself I tried to chase this, I

couldn't get Show me a rerun of the

W Show me a rerun of the WB

So it's a long, dirty ending I blew

away to the Midwest I don't have to

feel empty I don't have to feel empty

And no one ever tell me where this

is going Cause I know nothing ever falls

apart Not until

the ocean It's got a love of its

way It's looking more than it is great

It's looking quite as a joke So I

can't find a hitch