Original subtitles

in front of the house.

Tell him to come in!

Your gentlemen know they're not welcome in this house.

Oh, for Christ's sake!

Sonny, your father died over two years ago.

Yeah, making up for lost time.

Listen, little Hamlet.

I was only 14 years old when your father knocked me up.

I made a good home for him, and to show his appreciation, he drank himself to

death, leaving you and me without a pavillion pot to piss in.

I mean, if I hadn't had the foresight to ensure him up to the eyeballs... You and

I would be out on the streets, but don't get self-righteous with me.

I mean, I still look good. I have held my age.

And if you took me out, your friends would think you got lucky.

Oh,

hi.

Come on in.

Michelle, you look fantastic.

Oh, thank you. So do you. Yeah. Look, I've got to run, so, um, you'll take

care of the baby, won't you?

Yeah.

See, have I forgotten anything?

Yeah, your knee pads and the suit with K-Y.

You son of a bitch.

Exactly.

Hell, I have to apologize for Jamie.

He has no right to speak to you like that.

Okay.

We'll see you later.

What's wrong with you?

I don't know. Talk to me.

How could you be so cruel to your own mother?

If you were my dad...

Fuck it.

Don't forget I'm here.

Don't worry.

And all this family stuff gets me worried.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

Don't worry. Don't worry.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Oh. Oh.

Oh,

my God.

We said to the wrong woman that evening.

You know, that's what's going to drive me nuts.

So?

When are you going to do it?

Do what?

Screw you.

Are you out of your mind?

Well,

that's time.

Maybe a little.

It is going to drive me nuts.

I'm going to have to take my mind off of it.

You do that so well.

I'm just assuming for the sake of argument.

I mean, you know, I really, you know, will do something that sick.

Now, but I want you to know that, you know, I mean, well, it just really went

right in my head.

But what makes you think that you wouldn't rather strangle me than fuck

me?

You two have been doing this freaking mating dance for years.

I mean, even before Charlie died.

I don't know. I've been watching you.

I don't know.

Look there.

I've seen you look at that kid when he gets out of the pool in his bathing

suit.

That's not another result.

That's the last. I've seen it in your eyes.

You just want to admit it to yourself.

What do you mean you go out there?

They're all trim.

Well, they're all trim.

You don't go out with anybody overweight.

You think I don't know what I am?

No, what are you, Michael?

I'm a substitute for Jamie.

Well, it's bullshit.

Bullshit. Yeah, it's just bullshit. I mean, I don't understand why you're

giving me all these ideas.

I mean, the kids... I am thinking about Jamie. The kids got a problem.

Thinking about Jamie. Sucking on the tip.

You know?

Be honest with yourself.

You'll like it.

Sounds like you're the one that wants to have her out there with Jamie.

Come on, baby.

I'm here. Why don't we just talk?

Take my mind off this problem.

I'm still gonna let you know. Just think about it. Let me tell you about it.

Whatever could you, I might be thinking of you and not Jamie.

Really hard work.

Deep work.

We'll get the bloody hell down now.

Just head out.

Bye.

Oh,

my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Thank you.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God

damn.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh,

God.

Can I get you a drink?

Oh, no thanks. Sure.

Yeah. Okay.

You must have got the schedule mixed up.

You know Jamie's schedule?

Oh, well, no, not really. Actually, I came here to see you today.

Oh, because you know it works, you know, days on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Thank you. Yeah.

You know, I came by because I wanted to apologize again for the other day.

No, that's history.

It's history.

But I'm glad you came by.

Well, thank you.

You know, I have a problem, and I want to just speak to you about it, because I

think you're about the only person who might be able to help me.

Oh, go ahead.

Okay.

Well, you know Jamie and I are sophisticated about sex.

No, that's true.

And when I first started going out with him, you know, I made it clear to him

that, like, I couldn't be just entirely faithful to him, that I was interested

in, like, maybe a little three-way, you know, having... No, a woman every once

in a while.

And every time I've tried to do something like that with him or have a

woman over to the house or anything, he always gets really nasty to him and I

get really upset and so I just go home.

But there's this one woman in particular that I would really be interested in

doing something going with.

And I just really don't know how to approach the subject because I know...

Jamie found out about it, it would just be, you know, the biggest, the end of

it.

I love this person.

Do you?

It's me.

Ever since the first time I saw you, I just always thought you were the

ultimate sexy older lady.

Well, contrary to everybody's belief around here, I've never made it with a

woman before.

Oh.

But they only did the first time.

Oh, is that an invitation?

No.

I think it's going to be nice that it's you.

You're not shy.

No, no.

That's one thing I think you do know about me, Michelle. I definitely am not

shy.

And I'm always interested in something new.

I'm really happy you're making this so easy for me.

Thanks. Beautiful.

You probably know more

about this than I do.

Well, Winston really admires a nice pair of dress like shorts.

Thank you.

Ah, beautiful.

Mmm.

Oh, yeah.

Mmm.

This is going to be very interesting.

I just sing to her.

Thank you. We'll have to go shopping one afternoon.

Oh, I'd love to.

Why don't you show me a little bit about how this all works?

I mean, I can imagine, but, you know, singing a real thing.

Well, you are so gorgeous.

I just love surprising them down here.

You like being eaten?

Of course.

It's no different with me, isn't it?

Yeah, it's not different.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

I don't want to be in the middle of all this.

Come on, come here.

How do these nails feel?

Oh, it feels great.

I love it.

There we go.

I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it.

I love

it.

Oh, honey. Oh.

Oh, honey.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

This is good.

How long can you stay today?

Well, I don't know. At least another hour.

I have to teach you more.

That's one thing I'm willing to learn if Jamie isn't.

Oh, God.

It's great.

Thank you.

Do you have something to say or are you just holding up the wall?

Go ahead.

Maybe you're here to talk to me from the afternoon now?

I know about you and Michelle.

You do?

Do you have to corrupt everyone you come in contact with?

First dad, now Michelle.

You know what's bothering you?

The fact that Michelle and I are sexual animals.

We fuck and suck whomever we want, and what's worse, we don't feel guilty about

it.

You, on the other hand, are totally monogamous.

And you're stealing guilt and shame.

You're full of shit.

Despite what you may think, I still love you very much.

I never intended to do this, but it can't be avoided.

What do you think you're doing?

You know, I called you up in Hamlet the other day. I hit the nail bed on the

head.

Only in the most wicked speed to pose for such dexterity to infest your shoes.

You know, the insects at Hamlet's field are supposed to be between his mother

and uncle.

But none of the authorities say that.

No. It's not true.

Right now, you probably have a thousand thoughts going through your head right

now. They're fucking around.

You make it deny the truth.

You know, in the same way Shakespeare said, this above all, to thine own self

be true.

And, it must follow us the night of the day.

There can't be falsehood anywhere.

And the good son goes forth.

Oh, God.

Oh,

God.

You better tell me.

Sucker.

Sucker.

Sucker.

Oh, God.

Oh, yes.

Oh. Oh.

Oh,

Jesus!

Oh, my God!

Oh, God! Oh!

Mom is going to have fun with you.

Baby.

Where are you?

I don't know.

Congratulations.

Mm-hmm.

No, no.

Yeah.

That's right.

Oh, no, no. Don't worry, Michelle.

I think I have a few more lessons and I could be ready.

Yeah.

Yeah. Can you manage without me for a few days?

Don't worry, Helen. I'll find a way to meddle through.

I didn't tell you, you were distracting me on the phone.

I meant to, Michelle.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to kill you.

God, you have come up with all this.

You have come up with all this.

Come in.

Jamie.

How are you doing, Mom? Fine, you all good?

I think so.

Come out, I've got some reinforcements with me.

Randy. Randy, do you know Mike?

Uh, we've met.

Okay, Mike, this is Randy.

Hi there.

Hi. Of course you know Jamie, but you know Mike. Yeah, sure, sure.

How you doing, kid?

Good. I feel like we're going to have to fill every hole here.

Oh, my God. I've always wanted to do that.

All right.

Take the shirts off, fellas.

You don't mind us? We've already started. I see that. Yeah, just come on

in and dive in when you're ready.

Ooh!

That's my baby.

Yeah.

Michael, I don't forget you, Michael.

When do you come home?

We'll be right back.

We'll be right back.

I don't know yet. I don't know yet.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Come on.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Amen. Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Oh, God.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. How do you like that, Mom? Oh, God.

Is that good?

I love it. Oh, baby.

Oh, God.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my baby.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

Jesus.

Oh, I see you guys aren't fighting anymore.

No, smoke love, not war.

That sounds like a good idea.

Yeah, it is.

Well, that's showing the right way.

At least it's a screw-off.

Oh, my goodness, look at her.

I came ready. Mama.

I'm always ready.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Beautiful.

What an attractive mother you have.

Thank you.

You're so formal.

Well, this is something very... Ah, that's more

sensitive.

Oh, this is... Jane, you want to just cut that out for me, too?

I can't play with both hands.

Thank you.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I have this nasty meds in my watch. It keeps me frisking and sitting on my

face. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do when it's cuffing.

Ooh.