Original subtitles

[music]

[music]

I want to show in Britain for the first

time. Treasures of Russia.

>> Yes.

It doesn't say whether they've been

shown in Russia.

It's

>> possible. I suppose they could have been

shown there and no one noticed.

>> So that's why they've chosen this place

for it. Peter the Great spent the night

here.

>> Doing what?

>> Sleeping, I suppose.

>> I didn't know Peter the Great had ever

been out of Russia.

>> Neither did I. But he has.

>> Just in order to stay here. in order to

see how the other half lived. I imagine.

>> No wonder they all went communist.

Silly cow.

[music]

>> Hey Paul, I want an armor.

>> Well, come over and get it then.

>> Oh, pat it over, you hairy drag.

[music]

you you

banana. I'm starving hungry.

>> You're always hungry, Bridget Rapidity.

You're a right scouse guts.

>> Hey, you pass it over and stop messing.

thing of the past. Now all this what is

this? It's all been done away with over

there now.

>> Yeah, that's what you like, isn't it?

Eh, mystical junk. Now look, as Mark

said,

>> Marks, that car bunkle written old drag.

>> As Mark said, religion is the opium of

the people and the people must

understand. Ow, what did I say?

I thought you were a Marxist Bridget

Rapity.

>> That's right.

>> Since when? Yesterday you said you were

a Roman.

>> That's right.

>> It can't be.

>> Oh, why not? I'm a Catholic communist.

Like,

>> look out.

>> Come on, ma'am. Through here, right at

the far end.

>> What a you imperial diamond.

[music]

[music]

[music]

>> [music]

>> Once they all belong to that man there,

the Russian emperor.

>> Oh, that lot. Did they rarely? Mom,

>> you reckon all property is theft, don't

you?

>> Who does?

>> You do.

>> All property is theft.

>> Yeah, it's what you believe in, isn't

it, Carl Marx?

>> Oh, that's a lot of old cods. Wallop

>> here. What you going on about?

[music]

[music]

Trust him to pop in. Trust to pop off.

>> Haha. Funny guy.

>> That's his flaming name. Popoff. That

right, Inspector.

>> Yes. Yes. Prop

something something. Pop off. Soviet

security.

>> All the way from Moscow just to look

after a few sparklers.

>> It's waste of public money if you ask

me.

>> Yes, sir.

>> This is no place to hang bag.

>> Anyway, it's not a hang bag. It's a

handbag. And what's it got to do with

you? I am the eye of the Soviet Union

security.

Of course you are. I must have been

blind not to have noticed it straight

away.

>> Sorry.

[music]

God bless you, [music] comrade.

Excuse me.

>> It's him, mommy. It's him.

>> No, I emperor.

Oh, yes.

>> [music]

[music]

>> Nikolai,

Nikolai,

Nikolai,

Nikolai. I our son,

you are a worm.

>> Yes, fathers.

>> A despicable worm.

>> Yes, fathers.

>> It is time to become a real man.

>> It is. But how?

>> All property is theft.

>> Oh,

it's you who said that.

>> No, my son. We did not say it. We did

it.

But to steal your own property, that is

the most glorious deed of war. Raise

your self to glory.

[music]

>> Oh, thank god Lenin is coming round.

>> Hey, let go me bow. You'll tear it. Your

boa?

I thought it was your beard.

>> Typical capitalist ingratitude, isn't

it, comrade? You worry about someone

passing up and they grab your boa.

>> My apologies.

>> Not the banana skin.

I I slipped on it.

>> Fancy that? People are very careless.

You could have hurt yourself bad.

>> I did.

>> No bones broken, is there?

Oh, well that's all right then.

>> It's you, the Scouse Guts.

>> There's gratitude for you, sister. You

help someone up to the feet and they

call you Scouse Scuts.

>> Is it an insult?

>> Well, well, it isn't, then it isn't.

>> I'm sorry. What does it mean Scouse?

>> The ignorance of some people. It's a

Liverpool Irish stew. So am I. Uh,

Liverpool Irish, that is.

Well, stew. What you cook in a pan?

>> Huh? What you cook in a pan?

>> Oh, you must come around one night and

I'll make some for you.

>> Hey, you're not listening?

>> I'm afraid I'm not.

>> What's on your mind?

>> Nothing particular. Thank you for

everything.

Excuse me.

Now what on earth can have made him turn

down my Irish stew?

>> I shudder to think.

>> I can't interest you in murder at all.

>> I'm afraid not.

>> It's a pity cuz I got a very nice set of

three volumes here on massacres down the

ages. Fully illustrated.

>> No. Thank you.

>> Whole family is done to death. Political

feuds, sexual jealousies. It's all good

stuff. Historical.

>> No, just theft.

>> I'll tell you somebody you'd have

enjoyed meeting. And I ought to know

after 35 years in the force with an

unblenmished record and not in a mincer

used to go for women a lot, especially

between the age of 45 and 60.

minced them up and then fed them to his

pigs. He was a very amiable fellow,

though, always ready with a joke. I'd no

sooner clap the handcuffs on him than he

was riving me. About the number of years

me and my misses have been having our

bacon off him, which is more than can be

said for the Tottenham roaster. I could

tell you a thing or two about him.

Foul mouth that one was.

One weekend all up in smoke at one go.

Dad, mom, grandma, and a friend from

Basin Stoke. What you might call a real

Sunday roast.

Or perhaps you don't.

No, you don't.

Okay,

>> that's right. You got the whole gamut

there. Everything you want. Petty last

breaking and entering. Robbery with

violence,

theft by day, theft by night, robbery

with menaces, stories of the great

pickpockets and burglars.

And one of the greatest

was Jack Smith the Blizzard.

[music]

I'm trouble.

>> Nikolai,

our son. You are still a work.

>> It's not good. I can't do it. I can't.

You can, but not alone. And an a

thieves.

Experienced thieves.

Use them. Nikolai.

But I remember our fathers who were

never crowned Nikolai.

Sergeants, peasants, monks. How did they

win our mother's favors? I [music] don't

know. How? Because God in his infinite

mercy had given them a precious gift

and they knew how to use it. It is a

family gift. Nikolai, listen great

grandpa. That gift so very well, but you

can't steal jewels with it.

>> Use your imagination.

>> Imagination. My foot.

I want to return this.

>> I thought you'd tire of them, sir.

Thefts all very well, but it's honestly

not a subject I'd ever recommend.

Murders, where the real meat is, in my

opinion.

You wouldn't care to experiment with a

genuine thing

>> at all, would you?

>> No. Thank you.

Not that I want to influence you in any

way. It's entirely up to the customer.

I never try to influence customer's

choice.

>> Thank you.

>> Don't hesitate to call again if you

change your mind at all. I doubt it.

>> Victoria Ponson Bay. Three years in a

finishing school in Geneva and 9 months

in prison in Hollow. Quite a girl. You

wouldn't be interested in girls with

criminal records of any chance. Let's

say I'm interested in girls.

>> That post was my downfall. Celebrities

are terrible handicap.

>> Please don't take any chances.

>> Oh, it'll be all right. Officially, I'm

completely reformed. But now and then I

take a little exercise just to keep in

trim.

Like Wimbledon veterans playing in

godforsaken country tournaments. Look

how it's done.

[music]

[music]

[music]

>> It was perfect.

>> Thank you. Oh, it's nothing much really.

Things happen to vanish. No one knows

where or how.

[music]

[music]

>> How on earth did you work it out?

>> Elementary, my dear. There are certain

regions of the female anatomy which I

make a point of observing most

carefully.

Remember the family gift, Nikolai.

I want you to do something for me.

>> Really?

But Nikki, there's nothing there now. As

I said, there are certain regions.

You [music] don't mind, do you?

>> Here, I certainly do.

>> Would you prefer a bachelor flat in

Hamstead? Hot and cold water. All

conveniences.

>> Only if you have colored bed sheets.

This friend of yours, [music] is she

really that good at it?

Why not put her to the test? I don't

mind

if you can get into her hotel.

>> [music]

>> Can I speak to Miss Fettyman, please?

>> One moment, please.

>> Hello,

>> Miss Fatty Man. Come back to your hotel.

Your dog is in danger. Hurry.

Emergency. Could you serve it, please?

>> The fire brigade.

[music]

Stand

back there, please.

Chang, don't move, baby.

>> Undo me.

>> Certainly, Miss Fred.

Can't get it now. Stand stand well back

there, please. So, keep back there.

Thank you, sir.

Quiet, Chang. Quiet.

Mommy's coming up.

>> Keep back now, please. Everybody, keep

back.

>> [cheering]

>> Thank you.

>> Please.

I just can't get over it.

How'd you kiss my specialty?

>> My sixth

sexy sixth sense.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

>> Vicki, my darling. Hello. What are you

doing here?

>> You're blooming.

>> Oh, it's him.

Wait a minute. Your six sense is called

Victoria. Ain't that

>> What exactly did you tell him about me,

Victoria?

>> The truth.

>> That you're the greatest cat burglar in

the world. Oh,

but what's that got to do with him? He's

after a handful of diamonds.

>> Not we all.

>> Why?

>> Well, I'll send you back to China.

>> Honestly, darling, loads of diamonds.

And they all belong to him in a funny

sort of way.

>> Uh, come again.

>> Well, if things hadn't gone wrong, he'd

have been Zar of Russia or something.

>> Him? You've got to be kidding.

>> Then, let's say I like diamonds for

breakfast and leave it at that.

I found Jean. Uh, who's Jean? Jean

Silkfingers from Saigon. Met her in Hol.

Awful nice person.

[music]

[music]

>> [music]

[music]

>> Heat. Heat.

Heat.

[music]

[music]

Heat.

[music]

Heat. Heat. [music]

[music]

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> little Johnny. Oh, look at that. You're

all going in there. You

>> I'm sorry for that tick tock. You will

be sorry by the time I'm through with

you.

>> Wait a moment.

>> 3 years ago you insulted my baby sister

in Honolulu.

>> I've never been to Honolulu.

>> Well, nor have I. So what?

>> Thank you. It's on the night's work.

>> Eighth then?

>> Ninth. Black girdle.

>> I don't believe it.

>> Care to check?

[music]

[music]

Oh, you're marvelous.

[bell]

>> Oh no.

>> Oh yes.

>> You haven't seen my cross scissors ride

with reverse arm lock.

Let's go. [screaming]

Oh, yes.

>> You're marvelous.

>> [bell]

>> Not again.

>> Never leave for tomorrow. What you can

do today?

>> It's a very long day.

>> You're marvelous.

[bell]

>> [music]

>> Good morning.

Good morning. Good morning.

>> I'm Marie. I'm Louise. And I'm

Antoanette.

>> And who are you?

>> [music]

>> What did I tell you? The family gift.

You do what they want and they'll do

what you want. Tit for tat.

>> Isn't this nice? Home sweet home for the

next week or two at quarters of the

great diamonds robbery. Chararma.

>> Sure it's charmant. But what are we

supposed to do? Dig a tunnel with our

bare hands through to the castle or take

it by storm or

>> Never mind. Nikki will have a plan,

won't you, dear?

>> His aunt will help us out.

>> What about this one, Nikki?

Harage likes it very much.

>> Liked it, [music] auntie.

>> Harage was shot in 1917.

>> Thank you, my

look at them, my boy. The whole court's

mad about them.

>> What's mad, auntie? [clears throat]

In 1917, the bull, of course, 1917,

the sailors shoot at the Winter Palace.

And I think, what funny fireworks? I

always look on the bright side of

things. And we'll have fun visiting the

Duke, won't we, my boy?

[music]

Heat.

[music]

[music]

Heat.

[music]

Walk

[music]

[music]

[music]

[clears throat]

his grace. The Duke of Windermir will

see you now.

How very nice to see you after all these

years.

>> Hey, who's that man with a gift of the

gapser?

Oh yes, some foreign VIP

connections with royalty here one time

on you.

It doesn't look like any of ours.

>> Orphans, hundreds, thousands, all

Russians, all orphans. You must help

them.

>> Yes, I see your point. And a fashion

show alongside the exhibition would

probably do the trick.

>> We'll present only dresses made at least

50 years ago.

>> The latest fashion splendid.

>> We must ask public advantage. He adors

fashion models.

>> 1917 auntie shot once and forever.

>> Fashion models.

>> The whip, my man. 200 lashes for

shooting dear Public Advantage.

>> In 1917,

I wasn't even born yet.

>> Then only 100.

And the girls who wear the imperial

jewels?

>> Oh, no. It's not permitted any

unauthorized bodies to wear the jewels.

No.

>> Oh, such a pity.

They've worked so hard.

Look,

>> Ronnie

>> 36 22 34

>> Victoria

>> 34 22 34

>> Mari and Twinette

and Louise

>> 34 22 34

>> and of course there's me Jean

>> 81 52 81

>> huh cm

but why Do the girls have to wear our

diamonds?

>> Our diamonds? You mean?

>> Well, on behalf of the present owners of

your diamonds

>> and on behalf of the past owners of your

diamonds, I beg you, think of the

orphans

>> and girls.

>> Hundreds of orphans. Thousands. All

Russians. All our sons.

>> We are all Russians. Yes, we are all

Russians.

>> We know they're Russians. I'm not

disputing. They're Russians.

>> So, they're reds.

>> They don't have to be reds.

>> Of course they do. There's nothing else

they can be. [sighs and gasps]

>> What about those white Russians?

>> Well, what about them?

>> And what about you two keeping your eye

on the job?

It is a great help for us to see the

diamonds close at end. It is very kind

of you.

[music]

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> Oh,

Beautiful.

[music]

Hello. Hello.

One moment longer with my past. Please

move.

>> Uhhuh.

Sorry, I'm awfully sorry. Thought I saw

>> professional deformationation, my dear

fellow. Suspicions becoming your second

nature.

Not always sorry,

when I came in, I could have sworn

sorry

>> like my little petti cell. I hope you

did not build it to house visiting

Russians.

>> Oh, good lord. Now, [laughter]

>> very good job.

>> Have you seen only one

>> amusing story actually up in my club

during the war sat next to a director of

the Bank of England. I can't remember

his name. What a nice jab. Well, he was

worried about what to do with all the

banks gold, you see. So, I said, "Why

not here?" But he agreed and set his

boys working right away.

>> A fine job they made of it if I may say

so sir in this room here is quite

imporable.

>> Peggable impregnable.

>> Thank you. It's

>> impregnable. In fact, this lock over

here would defeat even the raffy touch.

>> Rafity. Yes.

>> I can't recollect the fellow. Was he

with the Bank of England? He was against

the Bank of England. Biggest safe

breaker the Yards ever known.

Hello.

>> I like abstract art.

>> Art or artist?

>> Both.

>> But you are not, Miss

>> Bridget Raperty. Yes, I am. No feelings,

is there? Ah, whit me if you like and

let's be friends.

>> Why should I?

>> Well, stands to reason, don't it? I

mean, you slept on my nana skin.

[laughter]

>> No permanent damage.

Interesting, Miss Rafati. Interesting.

I like abstract

abstract art. What is this?

>> Oh, that's the unknown worker. I'm

>> think you're messing up.

You come in here, interrupt me work, and

think you can go the old way just cuz

you're a good-looking fella.

>> Me never.

>> And the worst of it is.

>> You're absolutely right.

Come on,

shut the door.

Hello.

Who's the beatnik?

>> What's her security rating? I bet you

never even checked.

>> Stop.

>> Stop.

>> You remember the late Patty Rafati? A

>> legend. He was my dad. Poor dad. He

brought me up all on his own. Like my

milk bottle was a blow lamp. Our

Christmas crackers were made of gel

night.

And when I grow up and they gave me the

key to our house, it was a Jimmy.

You couldn't have had a better dad.

[laughter]

[gasps]

>> A fantastic dad.

>> More the father, Nikki. But leave the

orphan alone.

>> Yes. If we're to succeed, we must keep

our minds on one thing and one thing

only. The diamonds.

>> Yes. The job.

Wow.

>> [music]

>> Wow.

Wow.

>> [music]

>> Well,

[music]

no.

Put him down.

>> What happened? Help. Help. Help.

Help. Victoria,

>> you ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

>> What do you expect from a healthy

all-American girl?

>> Well,

>> don't be revolting.

My aunts.

My great great aunts.

In the year of our lord 1794 in the

kioth monastery of St. Sophia virgin and

martr the seven grand duchesses Katarina

Palina Ephrosina Nicolina Antonina

Menolina and Tangerina unmarried but not

unsoiled took holy vows by order of the

sar and said goodbye to the worldly

pleasures that they had loved so much. I

solemnly swear

>> that I shall not molest

>> or in any way provoke

>> Nikki who loves us all

>> like a big brother.

>> I solemnly swear

>> not to break this vow of chastity.

>> And that's that. [music]

Can I come in?

>> It's all right now.

>> Bridget, remember your march.

>> Oh, but it's bad for me. It's making me

lose me touch. I can't handle a drill

anymore.

>> Of course you can.

>> Oh, no. Honest to God. And Lennon, I

can't. All the time I make mistakes and

anyway you know what Mark said for each

according to his needs.

>> I don't need nothing.

>> Well from each according to his ability

>> remember what I told you.

>> Seconds can be of vital importance.

>> Right. Check your watches.

>> 10 to 9.

>> 52.

>> 5.

>> 9 past.

>> My watch is stopped. Never mind. You've

all got ears, haven't you? When the

church clock chimes 10, we strike

time.

Oh, Chinese all the same.

>> Could you tell me the time, please?

>> No. No. When you want,

>> of course. I don't feel well.

Excuse me.

That's not a bad idea either. I think

I'll take a leaf out of his book myself.

>> Uh, you'll be all right for a couple of

minutes, sir.

>> Yeah. Yeah. I'll hold the fort. [snorts]

Have a cup of tea at the same time.

Relieve me when you come back.

>> Relieve myself first. [laughter]

Do

the

Oh,

>> hello there. We come in. Would you be so

smart?

>> Bless you.

>> Thank you.

May I [music] come in?

>> Well, um, it's strictly not, uh,

not meant. It's I mean, it's supposed to

be no unauthorized entry.

What, um,

what exactly?

It's my zip.

>> I I guess it's jammed.

>> You wanted me to to fix it?

>> Yes, please. If you could possibly

manage it.

>> Yes, of course.

>> How how exactly do you uh

>> just grab hold and pull?

>> Yes, of course.

>> [music]

>> That's great. Oh,

there's another one. Could you close

who made these? Must have made a

fortune.

Oh, okay.

>> Thank you. Thank you very much.

[music]

You'd be more comfortable over there.

>> Why? All

right.

Everything's okay.

What are you doing here? My duty.

>> Go and do it somewhere else.

>> Why?

>> Because I said so. Go

>> now. The days when imperialist

exploiters like you could intimidate

honest workers like me are over. I will

not go.

Go. No. Go.

No. No. No.

[screaming]

Let's

do this.

[whistles]

Hey,

got a hold of a right pon. See

>> part of it though, isn't it?

>> Well, what is

>> in his sort of line con about and all

that?

>> Yes, I suppose it is.

>> The great

generous Russian soul. It is there.

>> I can feel it.

>> Come in.

>> Nobody there.

My by the way, what is it? You are a

first name, Ivan Petrovich, but my true

friends call me Vana.

>> Uncle Vana?

>> The music, your highness. We ought to

test the sound.

>> Of course. Excuse me.

Folk music. Progressive.

[music]

[music]

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> Heat. Heat.

Heat. [music]

[music]

[music]

Heat.

They're a faint body of

>> [music]

>> Dark

[music]

[music]

heat.

Heat.

[music]

Heat. [music]

>> [music]

>> Heat. Heat.

>> [music]

>> Heat. Heat.

[music]

>> [music]

>> May I come in? Oh, hello.

>> Hello, love. Come in.

What can we do for you?

>> I'm terribly sorry. I mean, uh I I know

I shouldn't have come in here. I realize

[music] that it says no unauthorized

entry on the door, but I thought perhaps

>> Don't bother, love. It was just put up

there to keep out the undesirable.

[music]

[panting]

Well, [clears throat] I'm off. Must have

break the law, you know.

>> Never mind the law.

>> That's what I do. I always have and I

always shall.

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> Heat. Heat.

Heat.

[music]

[music]

[music]

Heat.

[music]

That's it, Nikolai.

Pour in the loot.

>> Drop the jewel boxes

and the diamonds are yours.

>> Murder.

The false bottom should stay down to

hide the stuff, and it doesn't.

All because of you.

>> Because of me. Don't be silly.

>> Oh, it's all wrong. As though I've never

used a brush in my whole life. Can't you

see?

>> Of course I can. But I don't understand.

>> Look, I've twisted my little finger. And

all because my mind keeps straying to

other things.

>> Well, it's not my fault, is it?

>> Tis tizz.

>> Ah, you look worried, Nick. You look all

nerves.

You need to relax. if that's what you

want. And don't say no because I know

it's yes.

>> Oh, look what I've done. I'm real sorry.

>> Oh,

it is hardly possible to overrate the

importance of a sound policy of full

capital investment.

>> That's where I went wrong.

All too often, a venture which at the

outset seemed full of promise founders

at a later stage

>> because too much available capital

instead of being distributed throughout

the enterprise as a whole has been

directed exclusively towards one section

of it.

>> The Financial Times is always right.

>> Oh, it's a capitalist ragnick. Besides,

you haven't got the capital to go round.

You'll get yourself devalued.

>> Right de for great sacrifices.

>> [bell]

[bell]

>> Mickey

>> Mickey

>> Nick Mickey All right. Nick Mickey Nick

and Nick.

Hey. Hey.

This floor is too slippery.

I'll see to it, my lord.

[music]

[music]

>> [music]

>> satisfied my lord.

I think this is Dunkirk Waterloo.

>> But I like carpets at home.

>> At home, you had Persian carpets all

over the cellar floor, I suppose.

>> Oh, you're as soft as a brush. I told

you you'd get devalued. We might as well

chuck the whole thing and just get the

hell out of here.

>> Go to your room and let's sort this mess

out on our own.

The mastermind isn't even able to string

two words together.

>> Has she ever been?

>> Char as me. M dumb. Why should I

explain? Don't want to. Emperors don't

talk to [ __ ]

But then I like [ __ ] You understand

me? Come on,

have a drink.

Get me a towel, will you?

>> Thank you.

>> [bell]

>> Do that again.

[music]

[music]

>> That's it,

dog. I salute you.

[applause]

Oh,

you wouldn't know where to start.

>> Isn't it time you were on duty?

>> I bet he's got it all organized.

>> Yeah.

>> Relax, papa. Feds don't fly.

Our

[music]

[music]

past. Mashka. Our beautiful past. Our

future. Anastasia Petrona. Our beautiful

future. [music]

>> [applause]

>> And now the moment you have all been

waiting for. Our display of the Russian

imperial diamonds.

Victoria, model 10.

My great great grandmother's brooch,

please.

>> You mean Katarina Alexandro's brooch?

>> Sure. Granny Kate's junk.

>> Well, here we go.

Sorry.

Terribly sorry.

Girls, model 10 motion 7.

Oh.

Oh.

>> [applause]

[music]

[music]

>> Model 12 motion. Hey

>> [applause]

>> That was quick

knit. Sergeant, just keep watching.

Next, we have Jean, who will model the

800 karat imperial bracelet set with

rubies and diamonds, and she will be

wearing a ball gown of 194 of gold lace

over gold tissue.

>> [applause]

[music]

>> Heat. Hey, heat. Hey, heat.

[music]

>> [music]

>> The last three jewels, please.

>> [applause]

>> And now the imperial tiara necklace and

ring.

>> Quick, quick.

>> Give it back. Another girl can wear it.

>> Impossible. No changes.

>> You see, there's nothing to it.

>> [laughter]

>> Make a joke.

[laughter]

It's nearly over. Thank God, as the

peasants used to say before the

revolution.

[music]

[music]

>> [music]

[music]

>> Heat. Heat.

[music]

Doom.

[music]

Public vanish wouldn't know which one to

choose.

We wouldn't choose

[music]

[applause]

Heat.

[music]

[music]

Hey, heat. Hey, heat.

>> [music]

>> Oh, isn't that pretty?

>> Yes.

>> What is it?

>> Um, it's the code of arms of Nogoro.

>> Ah, how do you spell it? Um,

N

I

G.

>> No, Nish. N I J N.

This must be yours.

Yes.

What are they? Oh, war medals.

>> You never told us you were a war hero.

>> What are they?

>> Well, s of fling ground marshes bloody

battle. H and and this one

>> Bones

Stallingra

Bulgar

turning point of the war very cold

winter

and

Berlin the final victory. Yesh

[applause]

success. Yeah. Please clear.

>> Gone off very well, sir.

>> Not bad. Not bad at all.

Keep your fingers crossed. You're all

warm and dry.

[applause]

Don't be afraid. I'm not going to make a

speech.

I only want to tell you that we are

happy to have with us Miss Daisy Wilson,

the daughter of the managing director of

Blossom Brewery, who has contributed so

generously to our charity.

[applause]

Miss Wilson will round off the

proceedings by modeling for you the

whole collection of wonderful Joels.

[applause]

Speak girls. Speak.

>> How kind of you, Miss Wilson.

>> Call me Daisy.

>> Oh, Daisy.

>> They're going on.

>> Will you excuse me? I must keep an eye

on my jewels.

>> Your jewels?

My girls, of course.

>> [music]

>> Well, what about the diamonds then?

>> Of course.

Oh,

try the others.

[music]

Oh.

[laughter]

Hey,

[laughter]

I don't believe it. It's impossible.

Hasn't happened.

No, not hasn't happened.

Can't [laughter] to happen.

[music]

Stop him. Stop him. Stop him. Stop him.

Stop him. Stop him. Heat.

[music]

Heat. [screaming]

[music]

>> [music]

>> But there's nothing

I have to know.

Tell me

tonight.

>> [music]

[music]

>> Come on.

>> Get up, sir. Come on. Come on. Now run.

Round up some police women. Get them up

here.

>> No, no, not women. Police women. That's

it.

>> No.

>> Think I lie down? Things being the way

they are?

>> No, no, no, no. Police women comfortable

and the officer sex. I usually make the

rule of those awful emergencies and

slept through two world wars

and felt all the better for it.

[music]

>> [music]

>> I will I will

do I will I will put away

this man. It does not or it doesn't

stand right

be your pardon.

>> Why? Why you

listen to him to Scottish to tell them I

am detailed?

>> I have kids. I have everything.

You see, they play games with dogs, with

withas. Everybody have a game.

[music]

Lad, ladies and gentlemen, please. I am

a policeman and I'm afraid I will have

to ask you all to submit to a search.

>> Just a minute.

>> Nobody's going to search me.

>> Look here, officer. You can't do that to

my daughter. I'm Wilson. Wilson of

Blossom Beer.

>> Sorry.

>> I warn you, officer. The prime minister

told me fairly and if I feel like it,

I'll strike myself and Mrs. Blossom.

>> Wilson.

>> And Miss Blossom Wilson. Oh,

>> come on. Come on. Get this door closed.

Keep back. Keep back, sir.

>> And you, madam.

>> Uh, can't I go out then? I mean, I was

sitting there all the time.

>> Well, I don't need to go in or out. Hey,

there it is.

>> Okay.

[music]

There you are. Now the real fun begins.

>> [music]

>> How could it have happened? How

I I took the jewels. I put them in the

box. I closed the box. I put the box in

the case. I shut the case.

>> You open the case.

>> Yes, I open the case. You shut the

>> I Yes. You open the I shut the case. You

open

[screaming]

short.

>> [music]

>> Hold still, Chuck, or I'll pull your

feathers out and all the other pigeons

will laugh at you.

What's going on here? Is the crisis

over?

>> No, the peasants have just revolted.

>> I always thought they were revolting.

>> He snores worse than the old fella done

on a Saturday night.

Now off you go. And no messing or I'll

do

[music]

[music]

That's right.

Then what did you do

>> then? I opened the case, took out the

box, opened the box, took out the jewel,

closed the box, put the box in the case,

>> shut the case. And I opened the case,

took the case from the box, opened the

jewel, took out the box, closed the

jewel, took the [ __ ] from the base, took

[snorts]

inspector, I need asylum.

>> Political asylum?

>> No. Mental.

>> How did you get in? Nikki's window. Some

son of a [ __ ] changed the lock.

>> Maybe someone should have stayed here to

say welcome home to the pigeons.

>> Ah, don't worry. They won't mind after

you, madam.

>> Quickly.

There's nothing. But the Jews have gone.

Someone must have taken them.

>> Maybe the pigeons left it on a number 98

bus on the way home.

>> Oh, maybe someone took them.

>> What's the matter with you? What? Wait a

minute.

>> Downstairs.

>> Wait, wait a minute.

>> Well done, my little soul pigeon.

>> All right. All right. So, I was the

first one back here. So, what? If I'd

taken the jewels out of Scram before you

guys got back here, right?

>> Wait, you say when you came in, the

peaches had no jewels on them?

>> Not a single solitary tiny whisper of a

jewel. And I can tell you why.

>> Yes.

Get them.

Come on, please.

See you at Nikki's place. Diamonds, here

we come.

And now I'll have a black mouth.

Yeah.

>> [music]

[music]

>> Jean, educated.

What's the combination?

[music]

>> The service. It is time they were

emancipated.

>> It has been done in 1861. It was done as

long ago as that. They must be ready to

be emancipated a second time.

>> All right. Now, [music] can't you go and

have your tea someplace else? Of course,

my child.

Our

Imperial cheat will have a lot to

explain. Bring him up.

Hey up, Nick. The carbon copies.

>> Come on, get those ropes off. Hurry.

He swore the pigeons would be here.

Electronics, he said. When a pigeon goes

in, click, the window closes, and he

can't get out again.

>> I told you they can't escape.

Not the same eye. Please look. Huh?

It's one of mine.

>> I'll get it

here.

[music]

[music]

>> [music]

>> Oh,

[music]

heat, heat.

>> [music]

>> owe

[screaming]

[music]

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> We're meeting my plan.

What we want is a free privileges of a

working man,

free

and free.

That's wine and and dry.

[cheering]

>> They're empty.

They're all empty. Someone must have let

the pigeons out.

>> To let them out, someone must let

himself in. It's impossible.

>> Is it? And what about your old clothes

women?

>> All the clothes women?

>> The two oers? Why? They were having tea

in here when we came in.

the Grand Duke Nikolai Vladimirich

and his business associates

Kel

Merion 23 valation

I am very grateful to you, Nikolai, and

to all you ladies, since it is thanks to

you that I have been able to recover my

family heirloom.

Oh, I'm sorry, but these jewels are mine

by right.

>> Come, Auntie Anastasia, you know it damn

well. You gave the necklace to my

mother, and my good for nothing father

gambled it away.

What's all the whispering about?

>> My nephew and I were only discussing how

best to reward your singleminded

dedication.

>> With your permission, ma'am, I'm an

American. Uh, where I come from, we like

plain talking. We all went to a lot of

hard work to get those diamonds. Cut us

in and let's shake on it. One moment.

Where I come from, all deals begin and

end with a toast. Contest vodka for our

guests. The good kind or the very good

kind.

>> The very good kind. This is a moment

that is not ever likely to occur again.

>> Indeed not, your kindness.

>> Plead for us, Nikki.

VP

[music]

D.

[music]

>> [music]

>> to the [music] respect of private

property.

>> I can't drink to that, Nick. Neither is

a Marxist nor a safe breaker.

>> No, Lenny won't mind.

[music]

They sleep like children.

And when they wake, the diamonds will be

far awake. so far away. I put in a

double dose.

>> That trick's worked ever since Ivan the

terrible,

>> but not on members of our family.

Have a drink, Nikki. You deserve it.

>> Thank you, Anthony.

>> The private property.

[bell]

[music]

>> [music]

>> Auntie Anastasia.

Come on.

>> What happened?

>> Never mind.

>> Oh, treacherous lockdown aristocrats.

>> Come on. We must catch Uncle Nastasia

before we

>> Funny, but I always feel dead sexy after

a shower, especially with me clothes on.

>> No, Bridget.

No,

>> not again. N

What's up?

Mercy machine.

These are the last. So are we, Mashka.

So are we.

>> Not on the red, auntie. Not in the red.

>> I am

ventas.

Oh, let's face it, love. Our firstborn

will have to do without the last

Imperial jewels.

>> [music]