Original subtitles

If I was rich, you beautiful thing, I'd have you.

Heat. Heat.

Max, you are a fool.

Having a good time, Mickey. Red, I want you to have a good time always.

Why the two anthropies, Edward? You can see just as well in the one and six bonies. Well,

I I just thought that it was Edward. Darling, that's just what you don't

do. Think money doesn't grow on trees. You know, the farther back, the better. I say

the one in six

dawn.

Good night,

where moonlight fills me in.

All right.

Good night, Edward. Good night. Finally.

I don't know how Herbert can afford a motorbike. Works in the same office as

you. Hate fee. Typical. But more than a lot of people did things on high purchase. A lot

of people doing something silly doesn't make it sensible. No. Life isn't like the cinema,

Edward. No. Bill knew the moment was his. Deftly he steered the car into the shadow of

the trees. As the throb of the engine died away, he turned and masterfully crushed the Marqueesa

to his breast. With a deep sigh, she yielded her lips in such a kiss as he had never dreamed of.

Herbert,

what do you think of Ma? Very pretty. Moto glamorosa. No, I mean really. Well,

she does sort of jump in a man a bit. meaning well you know yes she does a bit doesn't she

but very pretty and to see you two dance in the pal or be claude hoppers just stop and stare

absolutely ripping syncupation she'll make you a marvelous wife help me with this before we have

to go back to that dreary office I ask you who'd be a stock broker we would given half

a chance Yes. Anyway, arrange the following girls names in order of popularity. Oh gosh,

how are we expected to know that? Well, if I were you, I'd write them down in the reverse

order of the way you think they ought to go and then pray. I don't see Ma down there. Oh,

that's very funny. Elizabeth, Margaret, Herbert, what does it know? You don't think it's true,

do you? I don't think what's true. That girls turn out to be like their mothers.

And how was the dancing last night? Not too bad, but they're putting up the price of admission next

month. Well, I think I can afford it. I think we should make a stand. If we make a stand,

we won't be able to dance, will we? More. Dear, would you go and put the kettle on?

We should be wanting our tea soon. Yes, mother. Of course.

Now, Edward, now Mud's out of the room, I've simply got to know what exactly are

your intentions. Intentions, Mrs. Livinglow? About what? Your intentions towards Maud? Of course. But

Mrs. living global engaged to be married. So you say, Edward, and so Ma says, and yet I don't see

an engagement ring on her finger. Oh, that Well, is it that you can't afford it? Oh, no, no, no,

no. Uh, it's just that I I I haven't got around to it yet. You must understand, Edward, that if Don't

clutch the wool, dear. Sorry. Sorry. You must understand that if Mr. Lithingler were alive,

he would be the one asking these questions. Oh, I do understand. But the fact is that Morel is

going on about being careful with money. And I must say that I agree. The fact is, Edward,

that my daughter is engaged to be married and yet has no ring on her finger to well,

how shall I put it? I won't say to advertise the fact, but to cement the

relationship. I'll take care of it tomorrow, Mrs. is living promise. There's a good boy,

Ed. It's beautiful.

Very good taste. But But what?

It must have cost a small fortune. Well, you wouldn't want a cheap engagement ring,

would you? No, darling. Of course. I'm going to have a good job on the stock exchange.

You're still only a red button. Yes, but I shall be a blue button next year. Yes,

darling. I know it's bad. But it just doesn't do to be extravagant.

You mean you want me to change it for something cheaper? I really

wouldn't mind. I mean, I wouldn't want to feel guilty wearing it.

Well, as a matter of fact, I was hoping we could have a short engagement. How short?

I'd like us to be married early next year. Oh, Edward, that is sweet of you. But don't

you think it would be more prudent to wait a bit longer? Why? We've already been engaged,

Kathleen. Yes, darling. I know that. But well, I know you're going to be a success. You'll probably

be a partner in 10 years. 10 years? But at the moment, your salary isn't that large.

You know, sometimes I wonder whether you want to marry me at all or that you even love me. Edward,

darling, you're just being silly. Because I try to be practical doesn't mean I don't love you. Could

mean I love you more than you think. You see, you're a bit of a dreamer, aren't you, darling?

Am I? All I'm saying is let's wait a bit till we marry. You'll see I'm right.

When it's up to you, Lord, of course. And all right, I'll change the ring.

£500. First prize. What? For that competition. You remember. Arrange the girl's names. Well,

I did what you said and I won it. I've been bursting to tell you all morning,

but old eyebrows never took his eyes off us.

I see. 500 Johnny, you're rich. I'm rich.

Mod will marry you pronto now. Yes. Tell her you'll invest in a guiltedged or conversion

loan and she'll love you to distraction. It should collapse in your arms. Yes,

of course. A little nest egg for the future. Yes, I I realize that's the sensible thing to do.

Thank you very much.

She is the loveliest thing.

What does Ma think about it? Actually, uh, I haven't told her yet. What? Oh my

god. Just wait till she finds out. Well, I have to learn to drive it first. Get in.

Strangler. Switch on. Starter. Clutch. Gears. Handbrake. Throttle.

What? Strangler. Switch on. Switch on. Start. Clutch. Gear is handra

on

clutch handbrake throttle.

How many times do I have to tell you? Starter, clutch, gears, handbrake, throttle.

Don't go to the pallet tomorrow, but we always go on Thursday. What about

by paso? Don't play. Strangler. Switch on. Starter. Clutch. Gears. Handbrake.

The moment has come, Edward, to tell you that there's more than one gear. I don't understand.

Again, it's the New York Stock Exchange. You see, it's still not ticky boo with Christmas.

Splend it. You're getting better every day. Now it's time to learn reverse.

You mean it goes backwards?

I wish I knew why you were behaving like this. I'm trying to explain,

M. It's the contango and settlement day. There's a lot of heading up to be done.

There no one else in that office who can take any responsibility, Edward.

You see, driving is just a matter of confidence, experience. Well, thanks very much for helping

her. This is a pleasure. So, when are you going to tell her? Huh? Mud? I mean, Maud. Yes. Well,

I thought I'd tell her after Christmas. You mean you won't be going away? Away? Why should I? Well,

a spanking new car, a nice long holiday, and you're going to lol around in Ma's place

with mother in attendance. Well, I I did say I'd spend Christmas with him. Oh, well, shu.

Why? What would you do? Well, to start with, if I had a car like this, I'd ask Millie to come

down to Brighton. Yes. And if she refused, I'd take off by myself. Spend the evening at Sher's.

What happens there? What doesn't happen there? Dancing. You'd like that? Big bands? Really?

And there's always more mayors than stallions. Expensive. It's one and six at the door. Now,

you take a look around. You pick your partner. It'll cost you a drink or two. Is it a small

port and lemon or a sandy gaff? And on the way back, cut over to Horscham Dorking. Bele

up the Kingston bypass. Stop for breakfast at the Ace of Spades. That's scarcely a

girl you wouldn't have in the hollow of your hand. Well, thanks for your advice, Herbert,

but I shall have to spend Christmas with Mort. I can't let her down. Well, it's up to you, boy.

My motto is gather your rose buds while you may.

But you always spend Christmas with us. That's right. I know. And I'm sorry. But you see,

it's this pal of mine. Which pal? You've met him more at the flicks first with Millie Herbert

Maynard. Oh, yes. I remember him. Rather shallow, I thought. Didn't he come here to tea once? Yes,

that's right. Uh, we work together in the city. As for her, and what is he to do with Christmas?

Well, you see, he spends it in the country. Why does he live in the country? No, but his

parents do in Sorry. And so, of course, he spends Christmas with them. That's right, Mrs. Living.

And I'd been asked. Well, that's very kind of I thought so. But what does that to do with your

not spending Christmas with your fianceé and her mother? Well, I promise. You see why? Because uh

Herbert's father is almost blind and and his

mother is a [ __ ] He feels she can't cope. How could you help?

Christmas tree. Holly, plump pudding, that sort of thing. I mean, I promised. Well, you can't

let a pal down. Well, I find it very odd. First you hardly come to see me all this. I've already

explained that more. I've been kept late at the office every night. It's not for me to interfere,

of course. But I'm surprised you find your pal, as you call him, more important than your fiance.

Well, I can't go back on my word now, but uh I'll be here Boxing Day if all goes well. Sorry.

Well,

tell me, dear. This cheaper engagement ring he was buying,

has he given it to you yet? No. No, mother. He hasn't. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Oh, come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant. Oh, come all ye.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Amazing.

What can we do for our stranger? Do I have to be in evening dress? Not a necessity. On route,

are we right? Anthony dress. Thank you. What's the sniffer of your choice? Half a bit,

please. Half a bit. Ice and lemon. No. Half of bitter. Just join me. Carity

ball every 23rd December at closing time. Roger the upstairs and no one

can sleep all night where the devil got

that small pot of lemon. Ah Edwin. Huh? Jimmy's just arrived. Thought

he was going to drive straight through into the bar sheep. So he were leading

a caval in charge. Silly ass. Is a silly ass. Didn't you know

They just How do you want your steaks handled? Just

one moment for yourself or tortured. I'd like it

on fire.

Oh god, it's only just 9:00.

Are you there, mother? I'll go. Not too much. Just a few pence.

You'll never guess who's passing the hat. I asked him to come in. Come in.

Merry Christmas, Ma. You something the matter? Oh, no. Nothing important. We

picked your house specially. I thought Edward would be here. And tell me,

Mr. Mayard. Tell me, Mr. Maynard, do your family live in the country? Yes,

but I don't. Where exactly? Sorry. No. Abedine. And your father? Is he blind? Well, no. Not all

the time. And your mother a [ __ ] Good heavens, no. Oh, she's the ladies culling champion of

the Eastern Islands. I say, what's this all about? Oh, Esmart said it's nothing important.

Right then, I'll be on my way caddling. A little something for

those less fortunate than ourselves. Give him a sixpense, mother. Merry Christmas.

Everyone do this, son. Agnes Loretta's been boggled. to work.

Go

Good grief.

The police

Meet me little Chessington. Corner Salter's Lane 10:00.

Gerald,

I say, Gerald, what an age you've been. Heavens to Betsy. It's not Gerald. No,

my my name is Edward. Oh, Gerald's brother. Of course. I'm so glad that idiot Jimmy said that

he was sending Gerald. I see it. Johnny could if you had come. I've been dying to meet you. Yes,

but I I think we're doing some kind of a mist. You know, I haven't seen you since I was six.

Isn't that a scream? this necklace. In case the Finnish bob is abroad, I say,

would you like me to drive? You can't have had much practice in Boro. It's awfully tricky

around these lanes till you get the hang of it, especially in this weather. Jolly good. Move over.

Dad, thanks.

Right. Off we go.

Too py for you. No, no, no. That That's fine. Fast as you like. Damn,

they're after us. For the police. Oh, I do hope not.

Heat.

Heat.

Right off we go.

You take the high road and I'll take the low road. Hang on to your hat, Edward.

How's poor old Jimmy? Uh, which which Jimmy? My Jimmy. Your uh Jimmy,

my fiance. Oh, he's all right. Shame about his ankle. Yeah.

Did he have time to tell you the whole story? Actually, no. Well,

well,

of course we planned it out to the last detail. I borrowed one of the maids rooms, the Tantus,

changed into a dark sweater and slacks and dashed across the road. Some idiot nearly ran

me down. Really? Then up the ivy, the only useful thing I ever learned in finishing school. Well,

the maid was in the room, of course. But the minute Jimmy started the fire, she rushed out.

I rushed in, grabbed the necklace, backed down the ivy. Bob's her uncle. Well, of course, when

Jimmy didn't turn up, that was a bit worrying. All I could do was race back to the car park,

shoved the necklace and a note in Jimmy's car and pray. Then I crept in from the back of

the hotel back on the dance floor before you say quickstep. I don't think anyone even noticed I'd

gone. Is it uh is it very valuable? The Lorella diamonds. My dear Edward, they're priceless.

Now come on in, Edward, for a quick wash and brush up before we dash off to the Cafe of

Parry. The Cafe of Parry? Oh, don't laugh at D. Didn't Gerald tell you anything? Yes,

but what about my clothes? We'll rig you up in something. You're not going

to desert me now. Hello, Greer. Good evening, young lady. Come on, Edward.

Now what to embive? I g him hors's neck white ladies. Uh, what are you worth embibing? Well, I

think cocktails are also boring, don't you? Let's stick to champagne, shall we? Let's Champagne.

Oh, got it. I nearly forgot. What? The metal. What here? You really think you should?

You see

it's quite your adventure. Do you dance? with this

actually I do any good actually I am Oh come on then give us a whirl

There she is. Who's she with? I don't know,

Dar. Right. Four sides of the floor and we'll try a pencil movement.

Good evening, Norin.

Whatever you do, don't let go. Do you mind if I steal Elbury? How lovely to see you. You too,

my dear. I see. May I? Oh, I'd have to. Excuse us, Alan. Stay close.

Your escort doesn't seem to trust me at hasn't let you out of his sight. Many thanks.

Quick, Edward, into the middle of the floor. Excuse me, Idiot. Oh, sorry. Thanks. Dance,

Edward. Just dance. Who the hell is he? She calls him Edward. Gerald's brother. Nothing like him.

God.

Very

nice.

a couple.

Now it really is my turn, don't you think? You don't mind, old chaff, do you? Go. Afraid? No,

of course I'm not afraid. Edward, watch this gentleman like a hawk. Perhaps like Belgium.

No.

No. That's plain fair. Sebastian, that's enough. Keep your filthy hands off her.

I beg your pardon. I can see what you're up to. You're trying to steal the necklace. So,

that's a good one. Well, I'm here to return it to its rightful owner. Sebastian, nothing. Stop.

I'll get

Well done everyone. Keep going.

Oh, well done everyone. Why? Yes. Fair enough. Congratulations, Jimmy will be proud of you.

Well done, old boy. Congratulations. But I still don't see why you had to wear the

necklace. Good gracious. Did General tell you anything at all? Very little. Well, it's all

rather stupid and difficult to understand. I suppose the truth is, Edward, I'm bored.

Oh, I'm not like you with herds of cattle to look after and hundreds of workers. I'm

bored because I was brought up to lead a thoroughly useless life. So, first of all,

it was pub crawls. Then treasure hunts. Last month, I invented burglaries. 50 quid entrance

fee and lots to be drawn. Jimmy and I drew Agnes Lella. Isn't that the girl who jumped off Henley

Bridge for a bet? That's right. And her Cammy Nicholas. Oh, and just missed the umpire's launch.

Well, the rules are one, you operate in pairs. Two, the burglary must be carried out within 3

days of the draw. And three, the loot must be worn for at least 1 hour in a

public place. Reard the cafe de par as public as they come. And if you don't do all that,

you forfeit your 50 quid and pay a100 fine. That's why they were chasing us. Yes. Well, as I said,

it all sounds rather stupid. No, no, it's very exciting. It's romantic. It's an adventure.

I'm glad I was part of it. So am I.

And you're going to marry this Jimmy fellow. That's the idea. The moment of going to press.

Well, you don't sound very sure. Well, as I said, I'm bored. Oh, I'm sick of living at home.

Jimmy's rich. My class, as they say. Household cavalary. That looks quite tall on a horse.

I shall have five children and fade into obscurity. Oh,

I'm sure you won't. You'll always be the life and soul.

Are you married, Edward? No. Like you engaged to some dusky bull and maiden? Actually,

no. A missionary's daughter? Not exactly. No.

Well, I hope she likes to dance. Actually,

yes. Where do you dance when you're over here? The Hammersmith Pal. Where's that?

Hmouth. Is she over here with you? Yes, actually. Then where is she tonight? Well,

it's a bit difficult to explain. A row. A blazing row. Not exactly. No,

not yet. Another love. In a way. Then where's she? Outside.

Outside.

Thou speakest in riddles. Oh, Edward.

Well, come along. Drink up. Thou must take me home. Yes, of course. Oh,

and then I know you'll be a sweet man and take these back to Agnes. What? Tonight? Oh,

the battle is lost and won. I should like her to have him back at once. I'm not tired. No,

of course not. On Captain Folia's card, please. Gaston,

thank you. Oh, well, what a night.

What's the time? Uh, it's nearly 2. Oh, good. Then we've just got time to drop off at the palace.

Thanks very much. Oh, thanks. Shame about poor Jimmy's ankle. Still, we won the prize. How did

he do it? He caught his foot in a rabbit trap. He's only really safe on a horse. It wouldn't

have happened if he climbed the ivy instead of you. Why didn't he? There's no head for height.

Lori. Gerald. Thank the Lord. I've got hold of you at last. I say I went to the cafe to pee,

but you left. How's Jimmy? Well, Jim is an ass. Oh, Jerry. Sorry, girl. But he is guest driver.

It's not his fault that he got his foot caught. It's nobody else's fault. But I had to keep going.

A vest, an X, of course. I trust Jimmy to call back to Agnes' house to ask for help. I know.

What did she do? Well, she sent a chauffeer to pick up his car in the frantis car park. He's

taken to the cottage hospital, but he picked up the wrong car. Oh no. So some poor blight

has lost his measure. God knows where the diamonds are. What? What do you mean? We've got them. Well,

Edward has Don't you say hello to your own brother. to Edward. After Edwards in Eng.

Oh, sir. Oh, heavens. A real burglar. But you said that. I have to thank you,

Lady Norine, for a most delightful evening

to What the devil is that? Edward. unlock. There's Jimmy's car.

Wait,

give me a second. Please, please, I've got here.

Oh, go on. Be a sport. We've had a good thing together. A lovely adventure, please.

Oh, you lovely, lovely man.

You'd better have these, too.

Take me with you. Where? Wherever your next job is. Job? I wouldn't

be a handicap to you. I promise I might even get quite good at it. Sorry. Good

at what? Just look at what you nearly got away with tonight on your own. A diamond necklace,

a string of pearls. Just think what you could do with an accomplice.

That's terribly kind of you. But what about Jimmy? Oh, well,

Jimmy's all right, but he's got no sense of adventure or

well, romance.

Supposing we're caught. Isn't Jimmy better than 6 months in Holloway?

Yes, I suppose.

I'm being rejected. No, no.

It's only that I couldn't ask that big a sacrifice from such a such a very wonderful girl.

You mean this is goodbye?

Goodbye.

We'll never meet again. I didn't expect so, but I shall never forget you. Nor are you.

Have a good life. Oh, and you I want you to have a good life

always.

Bye. Whoever you are.

Merry Christmas, Ed. It's you.

I didn't expect you back so soon. Did you have a nice time with that friend of yours? Ah, that was

a lie. The truth is I won a magazine competition. £500, as a matter of fact. £500? Yes. And instead

of investing it in guiltged or conversion bombs, I bought a car. A car? An absolute beauty. I didn't

tell you because I knew you'd kick up a dickens of a fuss. That's the first thing. I bought the

car so there's nothing more to be said about it. And that's what you were doing yesterday.

That's right. And all week. Giving her a bit of a whirl. The second thing is But Edward,

why should I kick up a bus? A car proves that you're going up in the world. Yes. Oh,

yes. Yes, I can see that. Now, you silly boy. Can we go for a drive tomorrow? If you like.

Of course. What? And mother will love it. There's a wife's car just outside of the road. You know,

Edward. Well, hello, Mrs. Living. Can't you see we're talking? Dare say you are. What?

Please, we'd like to be alone

and a merry Christmas.

The second thing is I'm not going to hang about waiting. I'm going to marry you next

month. Until then, are you prepared to wear this ring? It's the same one. I didn't change it. Well,

quickly, yes or no? You're so different today, Edward. Yes. Yes. For 24 hours,

I've been a man instead of a mouse. Because you brought a car. Yes, exactly. Well, sort of.

Do you love me, Mort?

Oh, Edward, I adore you.