Original subtitles

Okay. Um,

we need to get some water.

>> Oh, I forgot to fill my water bottle up.

>> No, you don't need to. There's meant to

be a tank around here.

>> Oh, I'm sorry, Josh. I'm just a bit

nervous about everything. I

>> No, it's all right. We'll be fine. Let's

do it.

>> I'm just afraid we might have forgotten

something. That's all.

>> No.

>> 1 2 1 2 3 4

>> Ma.

You don't

It's okay if you need to fill it with

all the quiet space, okay? There's going

to be 5 days of quiet space, okay? I'm

sorry. Just

try not to be the donkey to my Shrek,

yeah?

All right. Okay.

Okay.

Ma, you okay?

It's big hill's coming. Do you want me

to take some of your stuff?

Nah.

Hey, Ma.

Ma, do you need a rest?

Ma.

>> I'm sorry, Shrek. I'm just trying to

give you some quiet space.

What are you making?

>> Macaroni and cheese.

>> Oh.

Macaroni and cheese, yes please.

Macaroni and cheese, what a tease,

macaroni.

>> That's That's beautiful.

Mac, it's mac.

With cheese, yes please.

>> Do you remember when you were a scout?

>> Yeah, of course I remember.

>> Did you get your mac and cheese badge?

>> I got my camp cooking badge, yes.

>> Were you ever touched?

>> Pardon?

>> By your scout master?

>> No.

No, I was not touched. Why?

>> Well, I just thought maybe you had, but

nobody ever asked you about it.

>> No, I was never touched. I was never

touched as a kid. People don't generally

like touching me.

>> Oh, here we go about Patrick.

>> I'm not

I'm not going about Patrick.

>> Patrick, Patrick, what a prick. Patrick,

you're a prick, teaser.

I thought that's pretty clever.

>> Yeah.

>> Joshua, can you help your mother,

please?

>> Yep.

>> You know why I wanted to come on this

hike, don't you?

>> Um

after Ginger killed herself,

you couldn't stay in that hospital, cuz

that's depressing.

But it's a horrible idea for you to be

home alone, so

here we are, in a creek.

>> Yep.

>> It's getting late. Let's keep moving.

>> Yeah.

>> Like a shot.

>> Okay.

Stop it.

What are you reading?

>> History of Sexuality.

>> You're reading an erotic book?

>> No.

>> How much have you read?

>> Uh, about half.

>> What's it about?

>> I have no idea.

>> I don't know why she didn't tell me.

>> Okay.

You're talking about Ginger, yeah? I

knew this would happen. I am I am

prepared.

>> I thought we were friends. I just don't

know why she didn't tell me.

>> I don't know.

You You didn't tell anyone when you did

it.

>> It's different.

>> How?

>> I didn't plan it. She planned it.

>> Okay.

>> She left me a note.

>> Okay.

>> I haven't read it.

>> Well, maybe the note will tell you why

she didn't tell you.

>> No, she wouldn't tell me because she

knew I'd stop her.

>> Yeah, well, wouldn't you have stopped

her?

>> Yeah, of course.

>> Yes, so that makes sense.

>> It's just I would have thought that

she'd want to be stopped.

>> You never really wanted to be

stopped.

>> It was different.

>> Okay.

>> You know, I'm I'm sorry about when I

tried.

>> Yeah.

I know.

>> Okay.

>> Okay.

>> It's okay to be angry if you want.

>> No, I don't want to be angry, okay? I

always assumed that wasn't about me.

>> [laughter]

>> Morning.

>> Oh god, how are you awake?

>> There's a sidewalk we can do today to a

waterfall to next with 7 km.

>> Are they all drugs? No wonder our packs

are so heavy.

>> Do you want to go? It's a lot of

walking.

>> I don't mind. Whatever you want.

>> either. It's up to you.

>> No, it's on minds. Do you feel up to it?

>> Just tell me what you want, Josh.

>> Well, whatever you want, then.

>> you just tell me what you want instead

of carrying on like everything you do

for me is a big fat favor.

>> trying to be easy.

>> You're being a [ __ ]

>> well, let's not go to the waterfall.

>> No, let's not go to the bloody

waterfall, then.

>> Yeah, [ __ ] the waterfall.

>> Yeah.

Have you ever wanted to try and kill

yourself?

>> Oh gosh.

No, not really.

>> Never?

>> Um

There's been times where like I didn't

want to feel anything anymore and it

seemed like a nice idea, but

all those times they passed.

>> Oh, okay.

>> Yeah.

>> So, how did they pass?

>> Um well, I don't know. Maybe Everybody

Loves Raymond came on. Maybe someone

offered me pancakes.

I love pancakes.

>> But you never want to do any more than

that?

>> Uh oh, once when I was 19, I wrote a

suicide note.

>> Oh.

>> So

>> I'm sorry.

>> No, I don't think that's a big deal. Is

it? To want to kill yourself for an

afternoon, that's normal. As long as you

don't actually try.

>> What did your note say?

>> Um I can't remember. Probably something

very teen-angsty.

>> Oh, you must remember what it said.

>> Okay, fine. I I remember that it just I

don't want to reflect on it. I don't

really want to reflect on any of the

decisions I made as a teenager, to be

honest.

>> What, like when you started dressing

like him and him?

>> Yeah.

>> Oh, that shirt. Do you remember the

shirt you made? And then you wore it.

You said,

"Uh

some people think that we only use 10%

of our brains, but I think we only use

10% of our hearts."

>> hearts. It's

insightful. It's an insightful quote. I

was an insightful teenager.

>> [laughter]

>> Don't want to talk about it.

>> [laughter]

>> Like you were not sharing the same

sleeping bag.

>> [laughter]

>> Not listening.

But you never have opinions on anything.

Like, I don't think I've ever heard you

have an opinion on anything.

>> Oh, there's too many opinions these

days, Josh. Everybody seems to think

they have to have an opinion.

>> Okay, good. You have opinions on

opinions.

>> No, it's I mean, it's like it's fine if

they want to have opinions.

And I do have opinions, by the way.

Maybe you've just never heard them.

>> Okay. Well, let's play a game where I

ask you about something and you have to

have an opinion on it.

>> Oh, okay. Yeah, I can do that.

>> Okay. Uh so, Mother, uh what's your

opinion on Australian Idol?

>> Uh the judges are too mean.

>> Okay. In the first few seasons, when

they became like sickly nice.

>> I knew you didn't really want my

opinion.

>> What about uh God?

>> Well, I don't believe in God, but

I don't like it when you go around

telling people that he doesn't exist.

>> But he he doesn't exist.

>> Why do you bother them?

>> Uh well, the other day a Christian

politician said that God sent AIDS to

kill gays. I It's I just I think I'm

allowed to rebut that.

>> Well, that guy sounds like an idiot.

You're allowed You're allowed to bother

him.

>> Okay. [laughter]

I just

Mostly, I'm just surprised that God

couldn't come up with a better plan than

AIDS, you know? It's not very efficient.

>> It doesn't just kill gays.

>> No, kills a lot of Africans, but you

know,

God is clumsy like that. He's

notoriously clumsy.

He's Also, I don't understand like he

got AIDS in the '80s, you know? Took God

6 days to make the universe and that

long to come up with AIDS. Like

what was it about the '80s

that he saw George Michael and was like,

"No,

this [ __ ] has gone far enough.

AIDS."

>> Well, don't all Christians believe that?

It's just that one guy.

>> Yeah.

>> Jesus was fine with guys. Was he?

Yeah, like he

he hung out with all those what? tax

collectors

and drank wine and

>> [laughter]

>> what?

Washed their feet.

>> [laughter]

>> Is that a gay thing?

Washing feet?

I've never washed a foot. [laughter]

Is that what you think we do? You think

we wash feet?

>> Let's swim, Josh.

>> Oh God, no. It's freezing.

I don't have any swimming stuff.

>> then you just go in your clothes. You'll

dry them.

>> No, no. That is freezing.

>> Come on, and it'll be fun.

>> Nope. Don't want to.

>> You're giving me the shits.

I want to have a nice time.

>> Yesterday, I was getting in trouble for

doing activities just cuz you wanted me

to do them.

>> I I just want you to want to do things.

>> I don't want to do a thing, you know?

I don't know I don't want to do a thing

I don't want to do. I don't want to lie

about it. You told me not to do that.

>> It's [ __ ] freezing.

>> Yeah, I said right.

>> Shut up.

>> I said it's freezing.

>> Shut up.

I'M REALLY WARMED UP, JOSHIE.

>> GOOD.

GOOD.

>> I'm going to go to the other side, okay?

>> Okay.

>> Okay.

>> What's up?

>> There's a snake, Joshie. THERE'S A

SNAKE.

>> WHERE?

>> OH, it

It swam away.

>> Okay, good. Good.

>> Oh no, I'm in the water.

>> Creepy.

>> How am I going to get back?

>> I don't know. You just have to swim. You

just have to swim back.

>> No, I can't do that.

Joshie, can you come and get me, please?

>> How will that help?

>> I can't get from my own.

Come on, please.

>> If I get in there, it's just going to

make a double-sized target.

>> Well, what do I do?

>> YOU JUST HAVE TO SWIM. You just have TO

SWIM BACK.

>> NO.

>> OKAY, uh when I was a scout, they told

us that snakes are like scared of

people, so if you just make some noise,

you'll like scare it and it'll piss off.

>> Go away.

GO AWAY, SNAKE. Go away.

>> No, not like that. You need to like like

on the ground, jump and stomp or

something.

>> Oh, Joshie,

it's in the

water.

>> [screaming]

>> OKAY, FINE. I'll come in

and scare the snake.

OI. HEY.

SNAKE, SNAKE.

>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIT IT LIKE THAT,

JOSH.

>> YEAH, SURE. I learned it in scouts.

Oi. Okay.

Kate,

get in.

>> I'm too scared.

>> [ __ ] do it.

>> Don't you swear at me, Josh.

>> All right.

>> Kate, GET OUT OF HERE, PLEASE.

KATE.

>> OKAY, what is

Keep going.

>> I'M TOO SCARED.

>> OH, [ __ ] ALL RIGHT.

>> JOSH.

>> YEAH. All right.

>> Josh, Josh.

>> It's gone.

It's gone.

Christ.

>> You're my hero, you know that?

>> Yeah.

>> You really are.

>> Yeah.

>> I'm your hero?

>> Sure. Why not?

You're my hero.

>> I don't understand how you never got

angry with me.

Slow anger, ginger.

>> Wow, you're really stuck on this, yeah?

Do you want me to get angry? Do you wish

I was angry?

>> Oh, I just want to understand what's

going through your head, Josh.

>> I just try and understand when you do

things like this that you're doing them

because you're ill, and then I don't get

angry the same way you wouldn't get

angry at someone with a cold for having

a runny nose.

>> That's sort of unfeeling.

>> No,

I mean, like sure, sometimes I get

angry. Like it seems like a pretty crazy

way to get my attention, but also I

promise my anger just never felt like a

priority.

>> I wasn't trying to get your attention.

>> Really?

>> No, look, see, a psychiatrist I saw

really early on asked me if I was trying

to get attention. That really surprised

me.

>> What were you trying to do then?

>> I was trying to kill myself.

>> Oh, yeah, of course.

>> I can't use attention if I'm dead, can

I?

>> The

third time

you tried to kill yourself,

uh that was like a day where we didn't

know if your stomach had been pumped in

time.

If it had been pumped in time, they

assured me you would be fine, but if it

hadn't,

you were going to die slowly over 2

weeks.

>> Yeah, I know.

>> Yeah, I just

You're my mom.

Yeah, I just

Imagine if I had to watch you die slowly

over 2 weeks, watch you kill yourself

over 2 weeks.

Of course I got scared. I was [ __ ]

terrified, but then then when I found

out you were fine, then I got angry.

That was an angry day for me.

And sometimes,

uh

when I call you at 2:00 p.m. and you're

still in bed, not working at getting

better, then I get angry then, which I

know is harsh because that's your

disease. It's very hard for you to get

out of bed, but if we keep excusing it

because it's your disease, then you're

never going to get better.

>> No, I am trying to get better.

>> Sure, just don't do it again, all right?

Want some chili?

>> Yeah.

Oops.

I've got a little surprise.

>> Mhm.

Is that marijuana?

>> Yes.

I've always wanted to try it.

>> Where did you get that?

>> Tom. He rolled it for me, too. Such a

nice boy.

>> I don't really smoke it.

>> Oh, it's all right, lovey. I don't mind.

I know you smoke it.

>> No, I don't it. Makes me cough and it

makes me scared.

>> Oh, don't be such a [ __ ]

>> A [ __ ]

>> Yeah.

>> No, I just I'm worried we'll eat all the

food, Mom. We we have rations.

>> Extra chocolate. I thought ahead.

>> Don't know how that's going to mix with

your medications.

>> Jesus [ __ ] Christ, Joshua. I am

trying to build a [ __ ] bonding moment

here.

>> It's just already so scary here and

All right. All right. We're going to

need some water.

>> [cough and clears throat]

>> What?

>> Nothing.

Nothing.

You don't hug it. Don't hug it.

So, when do I start feeling high?

>> Uh

nowish.

>> Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Oh,

that's good.

It's good.

>> Already?

>> Yeah.

>> Sudden, wasn't it?

>> I'm having fun. This is really fun.

>> Peer pressured into doing drugs by my

mom.

>> This really is fun, Josh.

Why did you and Patrick split up?

>> I don't want to go over it again.

>> But you really liked him.

>> Yeah, I was so happy.

Like how many times was it nice?

Sun was shining, you know, like flowers

were doing like flowery type stuff.

Bluebirds were giving each other hand

jobs. It was good.

>> I don't get that.

>> What?

>> Um why were they giving each other hand

jobs?

>> It was a joke.

>> I don't get your jokes, Josh.

>> Yeah, I know.

>> You know,

I can sort of see it from Patrick's

point of view.

>> What?

>> Well, it's hard to

imagine you having sex.

>> Yeah, good.

You shouldn't be imagining it.

>> It's so bad at interacting with people

when you feel self-conscious, that's

all.

>> Suddenly she has opinions, lots of

opinions.

>> So you're always questioning things and

and seeking approval.

>> I don't do those things when I'm having

sex.

What?

Once I did apologize, but that was

that was warranted.

>> What did you do?

>> No.

No, I'm not telling you.

>> I'm so sad, Josh.

>> No,

I'm just not going to talk about it.

>> Don't be such a baby.

>> I'm not a baby.

>> You're not a baby.

>> I'm not a baby.

>> I'm not a baby.

>> I'm not a baby.

>> I'm not a baby.

>> You're not a [ __ ] baby.

>> I'm not a baby.

And tell us what I did in my

>> Yeah, we don't see a Tasmanian devil or

one by or nothing.

But I'm really looking forward to the

boat.

I'm looking forward to moving not not

with my legs.

>> I'm going to read Ginger's note

tomorrow.

>> What do you reckon it will say?

>> I don't know. Could be anything.

>> Hope it's a treasure map.

>> Are you maybe bisexual?

>> No. Gosh, you really kept your hopes up.

>> Well, it's just that I've never

understood. You dated Claire for so

long.

>> I just didn't know I was gay yet.

>> Well,

what changed?

>> Um,

I got older, you know, I got bored with

girls. And also, I just At the time, I

didn't want to be gay. No one

wants to be gay. Joffrey was so pretty.

He forced me to come to terms with it.

>> Well, did you enjoy having sex with

girls?

>> Yeah, at the time.

>> Well, doesn't that make you bisexual,

then?

>> No. As a teenager, putting your penis

anywhere when you're a teenager is fun.

Once I tried to have sex with a

watermelon. Wasn't fussy.

>> [laughter]

>> I'm going to go back to the mental home.

And get better.

>> Yeah, you have to. Otherwise, they're

going to force you to stay in a public

hospital.

>> Mhm.

Okay. Yeah,

it's a point.

No, I want to.

>> Great.

That's

That's great.

>> I wasn't trying to hurt you when I

attempted.

It wasn't like Ginger. It wasn't

planned.

>> Okay.

>> Just I hadn't been out of bed for 2

weeks. I hated myself so much. And I

just thought everybody'd be happy if I

was dead.

Just wanted to do you a favor.

>> I guess that's

quite selfless of you.

>> Ginger's note.

>> Okay.

Let's do it.

>> I I thought we'd have a

a little ritual. Like, I'll read it out,

and then we can burn it, and just let it

go, and

keep moving like a shark.

>> Okay.

>> Rose,

you fat [ __ ]

>> [laughter]

>> Thanks for keeping me company.

Take care of yourself, Ginger.

>> That's it?

>> Yeah.

>> Ah, it's hardly closure, is it?

>> No.

>> No treasure map?

>> No.

>> No.

We're not going to get anything out of

this.

All right.

>> [music]

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