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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,104 --> 00:00:16,487 Subtitles by explosiveskull Resync by ShweScorpion 3 00:07:43,879 --> 00:07:46,112 "The first meal..." 4 00:08:02,552 --> 00:08:04,278 No, no, no, Mr. Atkinson. 5 00:08:04,345 --> 00:08:06,981 I completely understand. I know it's late. 6 00:08:07,079 --> 00:08:11,382 The reason why I'm actually calling is beca... I'm literally just walking from the office now. 7 00:08:11,455 --> 00:08:15,054 Yeah, we got some news in today that I thought I'd run by you. 8 00:08:16,389 --> 00:08:17,748 Yeah, um... 9 00:08:18,084 --> 00:08:19,663 we got another offer 10 00:08:19,785 --> 00:08:21,585 on the house that you really like. 11 00:08:22,579 --> 00:08:24,979 Yeah, I know, these things happen all the time, sir. 12 00:08:26,012 --> 00:08:27,786 How are you? All right. Yeah. 13 00:08:27,878 --> 00:08:29,412 Can I get the usual please? 14 00:08:29,469 --> 00:08:32,460 Um, an Italian thin crust pizza. 15 00:08:32,552 --> 00:08:34,375 Pepperoni, obviously. 16 00:08:34,712 --> 00:08:39,179 Um, can you do me that... that sour cream dip that you guys do? 17 00:08:40,744 --> 00:08:44,879 Yeah, um, one strawberry cheesecake. 18 00:08:46,779 --> 00:08:48,344 Yeah, and, um... 19 00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:52,403 could you throw in like a cheeky bottle of coke? 20 00:08:53,011 --> 00:08:54,979 Yeah. You letch. 21 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,686 You know my address, yeah? 22 00:08:57,812 --> 00:09:00,480 Okay. All right, then, how long would that be roughly? 23 00:09:01,426 --> 00:09:04,310 All right. Yeah, no worries. 24 00:09:04,436 --> 00:09:06,037 All right, take care. 25 00:09:28,437 --> 00:09:29,703 Hey. 26 00:09:30,214 --> 00:09:31,483 You all right? 27 00:09:32,982 --> 00:09:34,483 Yeah, how's it going? 28 00:09:36,651 --> 00:09:38,018 Nice. 29 00:09:39,313 --> 00:09:41,310 Yeah, when are you back? 30 00:09:41,521 --> 00:09:45,344 Yeah, no, that shouldn't be a problem. Let me... write it down. 31 00:09:46,864 --> 00:09:48,392 Yeah, go on. 32 00:09:48,823 --> 00:09:50,191 What was that? 33 00:09:51,778 --> 00:09:54,946 Terminal... 2. 34 00:09:55,598 --> 00:09:58,232 12:22. 35 00:09:59,121 --> 00:10:00,977 Yeah. Not a problem. 36 00:10:01,072 --> 00:10:02,372 I'll be there. 37 00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,372 Of course I will. 38 00:10:04,568 --> 00:10:05,868 For you, anything. 39 00:12:34,432 --> 00:12:35,497 What the fuck? 40 00:13:55,725 --> 00:13:57,259 Fuck. Fuck. 41 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,292 No, no, no. 42 00:15:46,347 --> 00:15:47,924 The last thing I'm trying to do, sir, 43 00:15:47,930 --> 00:15:50,358 is to pressure anyone into making a decision 44 00:15:50,364 --> 00:15:52,478 that they don't want to go through. 45 00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:55,599 Yeah, and 15 percent is the preferable rate these days, 46 00:15:55,605 --> 00:15:58,218 but I know some vendors that are willing to offer 10 percent. 47 00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:01,919 And if I'm being completely honest with you, sir, I saw you. Your aura... 48 00:16:02,330 --> 00:16:05,449 and... the whole ambiance in the house... 49 00:16:05,647 --> 00:16:08,801 that just connected really well. So I'll let you sleep on it. 50 00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:11,375 And then you can let me know what you want to do in the morning. 51 00:16:11,381 --> 00:16:12,714 You have a good night. 52 00:16:37,752 --> 00:16:39,353 Oh, shit. 53 00:16:48,039 --> 00:16:51,422 So... yeah. Listen, man, I need to re-up. 54 00:16:52,241 --> 00:16:53,803 Yeah, quick one. 55 00:16:54,229 --> 00:16:56,659 It's been like two scores or something, yeah? 56 00:17:02,966 --> 00:17:06,337 That right-wing pussy telling me to black it up. 57 00:17:06,482 --> 00:17:07,878 Is he mental? 58 00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:20,622 So! So! So! 59 00:17:21,129 --> 00:17:22,249 Your lift stinks. 60 00:17:22,251 --> 00:17:24,849 Shut up, man. That's you that stinks, not my lift. 61 00:17:25,193 --> 00:17:27,460 Bruv, I mean, it's so quick. 62 00:17:36,814 --> 00:17:38,151 What are you wearing? 63 00:17:38,153 --> 00:17:41,053 - What do you mean, what am I wearing? - Why are you dressed like that? 64 00:17:41,152 --> 00:17:42,686 Went to a casting, innit? 65 00:17:43,346 --> 00:17:45,625 Oh, yeah. How did it go? 66 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:48,012 Bruv, the director, walks up to me and goes, 67 00:17:48,073 --> 00:17:51,041 "Excuse me, mate, do you mind blacking it up?" 68 00:17:52,585 --> 00:17:53,751 - What? - Yeah. 69 00:17:53,831 --> 00:17:55,198 I looked at him and goes, 70 00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:58,066 "How much more black can I get?" 71 00:17:58,238 --> 00:18:00,496 - So, what did you do? - So I had enough of that. 72 00:18:00,572 --> 00:18:02,873 Afterwards, he comes up to me and goes... 73 00:18:04,031 --> 00:18:06,218 "Do you mind adding a 'motherfucker'." 74 00:18:06,671 --> 00:18:07,961 Like, because I'm black 75 00:18:08,074 --> 00:18:09,798 I have to say "motherfucker." 76 00:18:10,404 --> 00:18:11,938 Just racist, innit? 77 00:18:12,964 --> 00:18:14,631 Now, imagine you're at the office... 78 00:18:15,764 --> 00:18:17,579 and someone comes up to you and says 79 00:18:17,585 --> 00:18:20,686 "Hussein, do you want this bacon sandwich?" 80 00:18:22,385 --> 00:18:23,886 Would you eat it? 81 00:18:25,318 --> 00:18:26,653 Yeah. 82 00:18:28,026 --> 00:18:29,812 'Cause I eat bacon. 83 00:18:30,116 --> 00:18:31,951 Isn't it against your laws? 84 00:18:32,385 --> 00:18:33,719 I mean, yeah... 85 00:18:34,519 --> 00:18:36,844 but I eat pepperoni as well, so... 86 00:18:37,419 --> 00:18:38,793 There's no much difference, innit? 87 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,453 But is it halal, though? 88 00:18:41,198 --> 00:18:43,600 There's no such thing as halal pig. 89 00:18:45,685 --> 00:18:47,052 Halal that. 90 00:18:51,252 --> 00:18:52,653 All right, cool. 91 00:21:14,860 --> 00:21:16,594 Hey, you all right? 92 00:21:18,003 --> 00:21:19,260 What? 93 00:21:19,637 --> 00:21:20,905 Already? 94 00:21:21,433 --> 00:21:22,963 Now, wait a minute. 95 00:21:23,137 --> 00:21:25,021 I thought you said 3 p.m. 96 00:21:25,882 --> 00:21:28,756 That's what I've got written down. That's what you told me. 97 00:21:29,650 --> 00:21:31,851 Wha... So what are you gonna do? 98 00:21:33,474 --> 00:21:36,008 A-All right, all right, I'll come now then, won't I? 99 00:21:36,835 --> 00:21:38,133 W-Wha... 100 00:21:38,135 --> 00:21:39,694 Okay. Chill out. 101 00:21:39,782 --> 00:21:41,583 I'll pick you up from the station then. 102 00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:44,700 Yeah. 103 00:21:45,083 --> 00:21:46,364 Hello? 104 00:21:46,435 --> 00:21:47,968 Hello? 105 00:21:48,581 --> 00:21:50,778 For fuck's sake, man. 106 00:21:50,968 --> 00:21:53,037 You told me 3 p.m. 107 00:21:54,137 --> 00:21:56,932 So it's my fault, innit? I can never do anything right. 108 00:24:14,765 --> 00:24:17,265 - You got me a present? - No, I didn't get you one. 109 00:24:17,351 --> 00:24:18,966 Why would I get you a present? 110 00:24:19,114 --> 00:24:20,940 - Look, I wrote it down on the wall. - Where? 111 00:24:20,946 --> 00:24:21,981 On the fridge. 112 00:24:22,012 --> 00:24:23,635 I told you I did. There. 113 00:24:24,047 --> 00:24:25,834 Oh, my God. The hell are... 114 00:24:25,836 --> 00:24:27,092 Oh, my God! 115 00:24:27,098 --> 00:24:28,933 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Oh, my God! 116 00:24:28,935 --> 00:24:31,435 Oh, my God! W... Where did these come from? 117 00:24:31,437 --> 00:24:33,568 - Get rid of them! - I'm trying to get rid of them! 118 00:24:33,570 --> 00:24:36,365 - Can you give me a towel or something... - No! 119 00:24:36,489 --> 00:24:38,386 - Come on, man. - No, I'm scared. 120 00:24:38,436 --> 00:24:40,467 - Well, what am I trying to do? - Open the door! 121 00:24:40,469 --> 00:24:42,390 I need one. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 122 00:24:42,733 --> 00:24:45,517 - Give me a towel, quick. - No! Talk to them. 123 00:24:45,681 --> 00:24:48,535 Talk to them? I don't know how to talk to the pigeons. 124 00:24:48,537 --> 00:24:49,934 Hey, pigeon. 125 00:24:52,539 --> 00:24:53,368 No! 126 00:24:53,430 --> 00:24:54,594 Get off my chair, man. 127 00:24:54,626 --> 00:24:55,692 Get off! 128 00:24:56,231 --> 00:24:57,200 Go! Go! Go! 129 00:24:57,277 --> 00:24:59,633 Man! Oh, they've shit on my La-Z-Boy. 130 00:24:59,635 --> 00:25:01,069 Fuck, man. 131 00:25:10,682 --> 00:25:12,981 I swear I never left that window open. 132 00:25:12,983 --> 00:25:15,914 Well, you clearly did. Have you not got any food? 133 00:25:15,916 --> 00:25:17,337 There's loads of food in there. 134 00:25:17,343 --> 00:25:18,544 You haven't even got teabags? 135 00:25:18,550 --> 00:25:21,578 What're you talking about. I can see two teabags with my own eyes right there. 136 00:25:21,584 --> 00:25:22,981 - Where? - On the counter. 137 00:25:23,210 --> 00:25:24,376 They're used. 138 00:25:24,378 --> 00:25:26,309 It's called recycling. 139 00:25:26,423 --> 00:25:27,408 Wow. 140 00:25:27,865 --> 00:25:29,841 I'm not your fucking houseboy. 141 00:25:29,881 --> 00:25:31,919 I'm a professional salesman. 142 00:25:32,078 --> 00:25:34,661 I ain't got time to be fucking buying food for you. 143 00:25:34,667 --> 00:25:36,322 - So I'll go shop, yeah? - Yeah. 144 00:25:36,384 --> 00:25:37,783 I think that's a great idea. 145 00:25:37,789 --> 00:25:40,459 Okay, cool. I'll go shop, so we can eat some food tonight. 146 00:25:40,465 --> 00:25:42,929 - How 'bout that? - Can you get me some... 147 00:25:43,091 --> 00:25:44,155 chocolate chip cookies? 148 00:25:44,189 --> 00:25:45,490 No, I can't. 149 00:25:55,463 --> 00:25:56,730 Glass of red? 150 00:25:57,649 --> 00:25:58,983 Oh! 151 00:26:15,105 --> 00:26:17,038 Game over. 152 00:26:30,943 --> 00:26:32,412 This is nice. 153 00:26:33,178 --> 00:26:34,978 Came to 35 quid. 154 00:26:37,406 --> 00:26:39,410 What, you're asking for money now? 155 00:26:39,820 --> 00:26:41,321 We said half and half. 156 00:26:42,204 --> 00:26:44,005 Half the bills, half the rent. 157 00:26:47,078 --> 00:26:48,544 I'll pay you tomorrow. 158 00:26:50,044 --> 00:26:51,478 What do you want me to do? 159 00:26:51,510 --> 00:26:53,728 Run out of the house now, run to the bank or something? 160 00:26:53,734 --> 00:26:54,867 I'm just saying. 161 00:26:54,943 --> 00:26:57,640 And I'm just saying, what if your food was actually dead. 162 00:26:58,048 --> 00:26:59,446 Okay, cool. 163 00:27:00,326 --> 00:27:03,014 I'm going to bed, yeah? You can do the washing up. 164 00:28:23,172 --> 00:28:24,709 Breakfast is served. 165 00:28:25,443 --> 00:28:26,920 Morning. 166 00:28:27,044 --> 00:28:28,376 Morning. 167 00:28:28,493 --> 00:28:30,041 - Listen... - That's nice. 168 00:28:30,364 --> 00:28:31,565 I'm so sorry, yeah? 169 00:28:31,714 --> 00:28:34,463 Don't be sorry. Just be nicer. 170 00:28:34,659 --> 00:28:37,128 I didn't mean to write the wrong time down, did I? 171 00:28:37,134 --> 00:28:40,032 Yeah, I didn't mean to be a massive bitch, but fucking hell. 172 00:28:40,055 --> 00:28:42,348 I think I was feeling hemmed in or something. 173 00:28:42,354 --> 00:28:43,972 My head weren't in the right place. 174 00:28:44,054 --> 00:28:45,941 It's all right. Don't worry about it. 175 00:28:49,598 --> 00:28:51,465 Listen, I was thinking 176 00:28:52,171 --> 00:28:53,509 we should do something today. 177 00:28:53,515 --> 00:28:55,428 - What? - Like... 178 00:28:55,772 --> 00:28:58,640 - go to the cinema, watch a film. - Mm. 179 00:28:59,857 --> 00:29:01,123 Go and get some more food. 180 00:29:01,211 --> 00:29:02,575 What food? 181 00:29:02,670 --> 00:29:03,945 Go to the Chicken Shop. 182 00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:05,082 Okay. 183 00:29:05,088 --> 00:29:06,916 - You like the Chicken Shop? - Yeah. 184 00:29:06,922 --> 00:29:08,367 Then we can come back... 185 00:29:08,830 --> 00:29:10,649 and then I can... 186 00:29:11,111 --> 00:29:12,466 What's that? 187 00:29:13,383 --> 00:29:14,712 What's that? 188 00:29:14,882 --> 00:29:16,425 - It's the... - No what? 189 00:29:16,441 --> 00:29:18,943 - The Slider. - The Slider. 190 00:29:18,961 --> 00:29:20,492 Yeah, it's time for the Slider. 191 00:29:20,498 --> 00:29:22,529 You need to work on your moves. 192 00:29:22,604 --> 00:29:25,593 - You know I can always use the Slider. - You need to work on your Slider. 193 00:29:25,599 --> 00:29:27,216 Your Slider's dead. 194 00:29:27,222 --> 00:29:29,282 - You said the Slider was good. - Mmm. 195 00:29:29,288 --> 00:29:31,268 That's not what you were saying. 196 00:29:31,713 --> 00:29:32,438 I faked it. 197 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:33,939 What? 198 00:29:34,207 --> 00:29:35,458 You faked it? 199 00:29:35,716 --> 00:29:37,139 I'm so sorry. 200 00:29:37,335 --> 00:29:38,554 Stop it. 201 00:29:39,218 --> 00:29:41,079 - Were you faking that now as well? - Yeah. 202 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,286 Yeah, but that's different. That's tickling me. 203 00:29:43,327 --> 00:29:46,024 Oh! You're meant to be nice. 204 00:29:46,074 --> 00:29:47,742 - I'm being nice. - No, you're not. 205 00:29:47,774 --> 00:29:49,948 - I am. - No, you're not. You're being... 206 00:29:50,279 --> 00:29:52,279 - Do you wanna be any louder? - Yeah. 207 00:29:52,375 --> 00:29:54,472 I'll fucking scream the place down. 208 00:29:54,474 --> 00:29:56,428 You're meant to be nice to me. 209 00:29:58,970 --> 00:30:00,991 Stop it. I don't like it when you play. 210 00:30:01,715 --> 00:30:03,180 Mmm. 211 00:30:03,425 --> 00:30:05,076 You said my Slider was dead. 212 00:30:05,083 --> 00:30:07,528 - Dead. - No... 213 00:30:08,239 --> 00:30:11,255 - Fine, I ain't gonna bring out the Slider. - No, I'm joking. 214 00:30:11,625 --> 00:30:12,971 I'll give you The Brown Hammer. 215 00:30:12,973 --> 00:30:14,639 The Brown Hammer... 216 00:30:24,125 --> 00:30:27,157 * I know you and you know me and I know you, yeah * 217 00:30:27,188 --> 00:30:30,071 * That's my other half, she stick to me like glue * 218 00:30:30,161 --> 00:30:31,099 What are you doing? 219 00:30:31,105 --> 00:30:33,193 - I didn't do that on purpose. - Don't lie. 220 00:30:33,332 --> 00:30:35,958 - Don't get ugly. - What if my head was to crack into that door. 221 00:30:35,964 --> 00:30:37,250 Oh, you're so dramatic. 222 00:30:37,256 --> 00:30:41,225 - You wouldn't be living in this amazing flat then. You do know that, right? - Are you serious? 223 00:30:41,284 --> 00:30:42,785 This place ain't amazing? 224 00:30:43,726 --> 00:30:45,006 - Mmm, it's all right. - What? 225 00:30:45,008 --> 00:30:45,940 It'll do. 226 00:30:45,979 --> 00:30:47,606 So what would you change about it then? 227 00:30:47,608 --> 00:30:50,088 I'd get some plants in, I'd get some candles in, 228 00:30:50,094 --> 00:30:51,439 I'd get some quotes. 229 00:30:51,445 --> 00:30:53,171 Quotes, all right. Quotes I can work with. 230 00:30:53,173 --> 00:30:56,032 - Yeah? - Yeah. All right. We can do that. Can you, um... 231 00:30:56,134 --> 00:30:57,175 help me when you're done. 232 00:30:57,181 --> 00:30:58,124 Yeah, 233 00:30:58,747 --> 00:30:59,897 I can. 234 00:31:00,073 --> 00:31:02,230 What time are you home tonight? 235 00:31:02,340 --> 00:31:04,859 Um, probably later than usual 236 00:31:04,886 --> 00:31:06,307 - because... - What? 237 00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,427 I've got to impress my first day back. 238 00:31:09,174 --> 00:31:10,683 But you said tonight we're gonna... 239 00:31:10,722 --> 00:31:11,653 What? 240 00:31:11,798 --> 00:31:14,007 - Push you against the wall. - Yeah, we can, 241 00:31:14,042 --> 00:31:15,594 but I'm just gonna have to be later. 242 00:31:15,637 --> 00:31:16,467 All right. 243 00:31:16,509 --> 00:31:18,508 You better sell five houses today. 244 00:31:18,595 --> 00:31:19,828 - Five? - Yeah. 245 00:31:19,835 --> 00:31:23,066 - I mean, I got twelve lined up already. - Oh, you're so full of it. 246 00:32:57,731 --> 00:32:58,837 Take these off. 247 00:33:02,993 --> 00:33:05,001 Come, then. Show me what you've got. 248 00:33:05,027 --> 00:33:06,262 Show you what I've got? 249 00:33:06,271 --> 00:33:07,568 - Oh, it's like that now? - Yeah. 250 00:33:07,624 --> 00:33:09,184 - It's competition time? - Yeah. 251 00:33:09,254 --> 00:33:10,866 - Last time that happened... - Mmm. 252 00:33:10,921 --> 00:33:11,884 ...I'm sure I won. 253 00:33:11,914 --> 00:33:13,447 - Really? - Yeah. 254 00:33:25,224 --> 00:33:26,558 Mmm. 255 00:33:30,316 --> 00:33:32,289 - Hello. - Mmm. 256 00:33:33,139 --> 00:33:34,506 Hello. 257 00:33:40,665 --> 00:33:42,831 What's going on? Why is it not... 258 00:33:43,343 --> 00:33:45,210 Oh, for fuck's sake. 259 00:33:47,371 --> 00:33:49,184 It's all right. Don't worry about it. 260 00:33:49,764 --> 00:33:51,259 Why are you so ugly? 261 00:33:51,335 --> 00:33:53,917 It's all right. You ain't got to be Mr. Lova Lova all the time. 262 00:33:55,498 --> 00:33:56,896 - All the time? - Yeah. 263 00:33:56,898 --> 00:33:58,684 - It's fine. - Of course I have to. 264 00:33:58,786 --> 00:34:00,742 No, you don't, man. It happens. 265 00:34:00,773 --> 00:34:02,648 And when is the last time this happened to me? 266 00:34:02,665 --> 00:34:04,439 Before I went on a holiday. 267 00:34:04,684 --> 00:34:07,703 There's been so many times we're about to have sex and you can't get it up. 268 00:34:07,709 --> 00:34:11,302 - So what? All this is my fault? - No, I'm just saying it's probably the weed. 269 00:34:12,134 --> 00:34:14,335 - Messes with your libido, innit? - It's not the weed. 270 00:34:14,390 --> 00:34:16,929 - It's not the weed, no? - Nah, it's not the weed. - What is it then? 271 00:34:17,024 --> 00:34:18,019 It's you. 272 00:34:18,993 --> 00:34:22,110 - It's your fault. It's not my fault. - Why would it be my fault? 273 00:34:22,224 --> 00:34:23,689 'Cause you got a flat arse. 274 00:34:23,934 --> 00:34:25,145 That's why. 275 00:34:25,343 --> 00:34:26,902 How else can I not get it up? 276 00:34:27,430 --> 00:34:29,194 There's nothing even there, man. 277 00:34:29,953 --> 00:34:30,875 Cool. 278 00:34:31,103 --> 00:34:32,176 Prick. 279 00:35:11,072 --> 00:35:12,872 I feel like dog shit, man. 280 00:35:13,873 --> 00:35:15,608 Well, you look like dog shit. 281 00:35:19,419 --> 00:35:20,115 What? 282 00:35:20,180 --> 00:35:21,447 - That's funny? - Yeah. 283 00:35:22,397 --> 00:35:25,134 You're such a pussy. Man up. Grow some balls, man. 284 00:35:25,168 --> 00:35:26,568 Man-flu? 285 00:35:35,957 --> 00:35:37,950 - Have you seen my diamond tiepin? - No. 286 00:35:38,004 --> 00:35:39,724 - What do you mean no? - I mean no. 287 00:35:39,769 --> 00:35:41,436 We all great, innit? 288 00:35:43,436 --> 00:35:44,636 Shut up, man. 289 00:35:47,653 --> 00:35:49,486 So rude. 290 00:36:43,497 --> 00:36:44,791 Where is it? Oh. 291 00:37:27,672 --> 00:37:29,939 "Big monster dick." 292 00:37:31,044 --> 00:37:33,364 "Big monster dick." 293 00:37:34,330 --> 00:37:37,765 "Soldier in my Ass." 294 00:37:43,638 --> 00:37:48,237 "Suck My Nine Inch in a Gloryhole." 295 00:37:53,183 --> 00:37:55,048 "Monkeys in the Shower." 296 00:37:59,773 --> 00:38:01,213 "Cock-a-cock." 297 00:39:50,885 --> 00:39:52,694 - Oh, that's funny? - That's not me. 298 00:39:52,717 --> 00:39:54,364 So, what is this? Why is it cut? 299 00:39:54,370 --> 00:39:56,762 - I don't know. - I left this morning, Mel. 300 00:39:56,782 --> 00:39:58,275 I found out mid-day whilst I was at work 301 00:39:58,281 --> 00:39:59,943 I'm walking around like a fucking dickhead. 302 00:39:59,949 --> 00:40:02,112 Oh, there's no change there. Is there, Hussein? 303 00:40:02,118 --> 00:40:04,770 - Come on, Mel, man. I'm being serious. - Well so am I, being serious. 304 00:40:04,776 --> 00:40:06,013 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am. 305 00:40:06,019 --> 00:40:07,533 - And what about my phone? - What's... What? 306 00:40:07,539 --> 00:40:09,313 - What did you do to it? - What do you mean? 307 00:40:09,319 --> 00:40:11,027 I put it on charge last night next to you. 308 00:40:11,033 --> 00:40:12,750 - Okay, cool. - That's not funny. 309 00:40:12,756 --> 00:40:15,338 I walked out this morning, and it was fucking zero percent. 310 00:40:15,432 --> 00:40:17,915 - Okay, what about my laptop? - What about your laptop? 311 00:40:17,921 --> 00:40:19,588 Why is there porn on my laptop? 312 00:40:19,612 --> 00:40:21,929 - I don't know. - You've been watching porn on my laptop? 313 00:40:21,935 --> 00:40:22,961 - No! - No? 314 00:40:22,967 --> 00:40:23,934 - No! - Okay. 315 00:40:23,940 --> 00:40:26,306 I don't watch porn on your laptop. 316 00:40:26,479 --> 00:40:29,641 Okay, so you're telling me, Hussein, that 317 00:40:29,948 --> 00:40:31,980 "Soldier in My Arse" isn't you? 318 00:40:32,011 --> 00:40:33,837 - What? - You've been watching gay porn on my laptop? 319 00:40:33,843 --> 00:40:35,337 - No, I haven't. - I took this to work today. 320 00:40:35,343 --> 00:40:36,788 You know my boss, he saw that today. 321 00:40:36,794 --> 00:40:38,831 It's disgusting. It's actually rank. 322 00:40:39,230 --> 00:40:40,550 - Mel. - What? 323 00:40:40,567 --> 00:40:42,024 I haven't been watching gay porn on your laptop. 324 00:40:42,030 --> 00:40:43,979 Who else has been watching porn on my laptop? 325 00:40:43,985 --> 00:40:45,939 Why... Who else lives here? 326 00:40:46,380 --> 00:40:48,423 - Don't ask me dumb questions. - Who else lives here? 327 00:40:48,462 --> 00:40:50,346 - No one. - Okay, so just you and me live here, yeah? 328 00:40:50,352 --> 00:40:52,629 - Yeah. - So you're telling me that somehow 329 00:40:52,635 --> 00:40:54,826 a ghost is watching porn on my laptop? 330 00:40:54,943 --> 00:40:57,607 - I don't know what "Solider in My Arse" is. - Is that what turns you on? 331 00:40:57,621 --> 00:41:00,451 Is that what turns you on? You know, it actually makes sense. 332 00:41:00,467 --> 00:41:03,235 That's why you can't get it up, ain't it? 'Cause you like dick. 333 00:41:03,241 --> 00:41:04,202 Mel. 334 00:41:04,435 --> 00:41:08,467 - I haven't been watching gay porn on your laptop. - And what the hell is this? 335 00:41:10,371 --> 00:41:12,137 - They're your knickers. - Yeah, what's that? 336 00:41:12,143 --> 00:41:13,740 - Ugh! I don't know. - It's your cum. 337 00:41:13,746 --> 00:41:15,678 - No, that's not. - Yes, it is your cum. 338 00:41:15,684 --> 00:41:17,396 Why're you wanking over my knickers for? 339 00:41:17,402 --> 00:41:19,617 - You've been trying... - That's nasty, Mel. I would not do that. 340 00:41:19,623 --> 00:41:21,413 I can't believe I actually let you touch me. 341 00:41:21,419 --> 00:41:23,678 - It wasn't me. I didn't do anything. - Whatever. 342 00:41:23,684 --> 00:41:25,380 - Why don't you ever understand? - You're sick! 343 00:41:25,386 --> 00:41:26,887 You never listen. 344 00:42:29,386 --> 00:42:30,909 Oh, my God! 345 00:42:31,152 --> 00:42:32,337 - Hussein. - Yeah. 346 00:42:32,387 --> 00:42:34,106 - Come flush the toilet. - What? 347 00:42:34,185 --> 00:42:35,184 Flush the toilet. 348 00:42:35,285 --> 00:42:36,255 Why? I never used it. 349 00:42:36,272 --> 00:42:38,201 - Yes, you did. - No, I didn't. 350 00:42:38,207 --> 00:42:39,401 You've done a shit, and you've not flushed it. 351 00:42:39,407 --> 00:42:40,546 It's disgusting. Flush it. 352 00:42:40,552 --> 00:42:41,977 - I haven't shit yet. - I'm not flushing that. 353 00:42:41,983 --> 00:42:43,515 What? Oh! 354 00:42:43,952 --> 00:42:46,249 - That's nasty. - Yeah, it's nasty. Flush it. 355 00:42:46,251 --> 00:42:48,019 - It's not mine. - It's not mine. 356 00:42:48,985 --> 00:42:51,477 - What do you want me to do? - What are you lying? 357 00:42:51,483 --> 00:42:53,727 - I'm not lying. - Yes, you are lying. 358 00:42:53,765 --> 00:42:56,938 - No, I'm not. - And I guess you never used this, no? 359 00:42:57,118 --> 00:42:59,384 - No. - This is my shampoo. You know that, right? 360 00:42:59,386 --> 00:43:00,982 - Yes. - Cost me 40 pounds. 361 00:43:00,984 --> 00:43:02,312 It's empty. 362 00:43:02,745 --> 00:43:03,908 I've got my own shampoo. 363 00:43:03,918 --> 00:43:05,416 So use your own in the future. 364 00:43:05,504 --> 00:43:07,035 - I do... - This is empty. 365 00:43:07,110 --> 00:43:10,134 This cost me 40 quid. You're so selfish. 366 00:43:10,252 --> 00:43:12,110 It's probably you overusing it. 367 00:43:12,116 --> 00:43:14,150 No, I haven't used it yet. 368 00:43:14,354 --> 00:43:14,354 Line by line resync and more by Dandysubs on 20180508. 369 00:43:14,677 --> 00:43:15,755 All right. 370 00:43:18,340 --> 00:43:20,676 I can't even use that shampoo anyway. 371 00:43:20,770 --> 00:43:22,279 It don't even work in my head. 372 00:43:22,318 --> 00:43:23,584 I can't use that shampoo... 373 00:43:23,590 --> 00:43:25,128 I don't care whether you can't use it or not. 374 00:43:25,147 --> 00:43:27,400 - I didn't do it. - You're a compulsive liar, you know that? 375 00:43:27,406 --> 00:43:28,784 - I'm not lying. - Yes, you are. 376 00:43:28,790 --> 00:43:31,073 You don't know the difference between reality and a lie anymore. 377 00:43:31,079 --> 00:43:33,291 I didn't take a shit, and I didn't use your shampoo. 378 00:43:33,297 --> 00:43:35,916 When are you gonna take these fucking make-believe images out of your head? 379 00:43:35,918 --> 00:43:37,391 - It's not make-believe. - Yes, it is make-believe. 380 00:43:37,397 --> 00:43:38,630 - No, it's not. - It really is. 381 00:43:38,636 --> 00:43:40,502 - No, it's not. - I haven't done it! 382 00:43:40,653 --> 00:43:43,438 I'm worried. You got something wrong in your head. 383 00:43:43,461 --> 00:43:44,917 - Really? You think I'm mental? - Yeah. 384 00:43:44,923 --> 00:43:45,927 You got bipolar or something. 385 00:43:45,933 --> 00:43:47,814 - You think I got bipolar? - Yeah. 386 00:43:48,478 --> 00:43:50,239 You're a selfish asshole sometimes. 387 00:43:50,245 --> 00:43:51,447 - I'm selfish? - Yeah. 388 00:43:51,453 --> 00:43:52,416 - Me? - Yeah. 389 00:43:52,418 --> 00:43:53,815 When all I've done over these whole 390 00:43:53,817 --> 00:43:55,815 past few years is care for you. 391 00:43:55,817 --> 00:43:57,056 - Really? - Yeah. 392 00:43:57,088 --> 00:43:58,951 - I've never not cared for you? - And I've loved you. 393 00:43:58,957 --> 00:44:00,378 Yeah, have I loved you? 394 00:44:00,384 --> 00:44:02,798 - And I've allowed you to stay in this place. - Ah, cool. 395 00:44:02,804 --> 00:44:04,346 - You've allowed me to stay in here, yeah? - Yeah. 396 00:44:04,352 --> 00:44:06,983 Yeah, you've allowed me to stay in here like I'm a burden? 397 00:44:06,985 --> 00:44:08,683 - How dare you? - Is it not the truth? 398 00:44:08,685 --> 00:44:12,120 Whether it's the truth or not, Hussein, how dare you! 399 00:44:12,518 --> 00:44:15,816 I stayed here 'cause I wanted to stay here, not 'cause I needed to stay here. 400 00:44:15,818 --> 00:44:18,634 What, you think you're some amazing estate agent, yeah? You're not. 401 00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:20,311 You're a little pussy, all right? 402 00:44:20,389 --> 00:44:22,141 Know that. I'm done. 403 00:44:22,218 --> 00:44:25,593 - You do that all the time. - Do what? What do I do? What do I do? 404 00:44:25,603 --> 00:44:27,227 You just step away from the problem. 405 00:44:27,233 --> 00:44:29,467 You are the problem, Hussein. 406 00:44:33,286 --> 00:44:35,287 I think you should get ready for work. 407 00:44:37,784 --> 00:44:40,352 I won't be here when you get back. I'm done. 408 00:44:42,900 --> 00:44:44,074 Cool. 409 00:44:49,685 --> 00:44:51,620 Don't call me and don't come back knocking on my door. 410 00:44:51,626 --> 00:44:53,623 I ain't gonna call you. 411 00:44:53,715 --> 00:44:55,650 You fucking always do. 412 00:45:25,050 --> 00:45:26,732 Bon voyage. 413 00:47:18,194 --> 00:47:19,610 Oh, man! 414 00:47:19,978 --> 00:47:21,612 What the fuck is that? 415 00:47:23,807 --> 00:47:25,440 Ugh! 416 00:47:27,322 --> 00:47:29,046 So, what are you telling me? 417 00:47:29,191 --> 00:47:30,524 You've got a ghost? 418 00:47:31,959 --> 00:47:33,726 A ghost who shits. 419 00:47:34,738 --> 00:47:38,212 Well, how else do you explain it then, man? 420 00:47:38,553 --> 00:47:41,818 I don't know. I think your bra is too tight or something. 421 00:47:42,195 --> 00:47:43,218 I don't wear a bra. 422 00:47:43,275 --> 00:47:45,940 I'm telling you, it was all her. 423 00:47:46,066 --> 00:47:47,274 I hear you. 424 00:47:47,485 --> 00:47:49,386 But you didn't see the size of... 425 00:47:50,186 --> 00:47:51,585 what I saw. 426 00:47:51,689 --> 00:47:53,595 It was a man's work, you know. 427 00:47:53,706 --> 00:47:55,845 Like a builder's work. Know what I'm saying? 428 00:47:55,851 --> 00:47:59,684 Yeah, that's exactly what I said, bruv. You fucking dodged a bullet with that one, mate. 429 00:47:59,690 --> 00:48:02,691 I told her. I actually told her... 430 00:48:02,967 --> 00:48:04,633 I laid down the plan. 431 00:48:04,737 --> 00:48:07,835 She was crying. Tears running down her eyes. 432 00:48:07,967 --> 00:48:09,830 - Yeah? - You know... 433 00:48:10,345 --> 00:48:12,965 "No, what? No, Hussein, don't do this. 434 00:48:13,579 --> 00:48:15,085 We can still be together." 435 00:48:15,114 --> 00:48:17,280 - Hmm. - "Let's stay friends." 436 00:48:17,399 --> 00:48:18,421 Stay friends! 437 00:48:18,466 --> 00:48:21,064 - "I'll change." Fuck off! - Fuck that. 438 00:48:21,121 --> 00:48:22,687 I got my life back now, innit? 439 00:48:22,783 --> 00:48:24,221 I'm a free man. 440 00:48:24,378 --> 00:48:25,984 - With the girls. - Yeah, you're right. 441 00:48:25,990 --> 00:48:27,563 Yeah. You're right. 442 00:48:28,071 --> 00:48:32,018 And all you need to do now is to stop looking like shit. 443 00:51:23,889 --> 00:51:25,323 Hello, Gerry. 444 00:51:25,808 --> 00:51:27,540 Yeah, mate. Um... 445 00:51:28,389 --> 00:51:29,852 Yeah, no, I'm not good, man. 446 00:51:29,854 --> 00:51:32,386 Listen, I've been meaning to ring you, man. 447 00:51:32,388 --> 00:51:35,521 Yeah, I'm iller than a motherfucker right now, mate. 448 00:51:36,854 --> 00:51:39,520 Yeah, I can send you the schedule. 449 00:51:39,982 --> 00:51:40,947 Hm... 450 00:51:41,822 --> 00:51:44,656 Mmh, mmh... 451 00:51:58,623 --> 00:52:01,296 But I never even ordered one of these, man. 452 00:52:01,455 --> 00:52:04,161 Yeah, well, I dunno. Must be a gift or something, innit? 453 00:52:04,222 --> 00:52:06,059 - A gift? - Yeah. 454 00:52:06,110 --> 00:52:08,070 Who gets a freezer as a gift, mate? 455 00:52:08,179 --> 00:52:09,656 That's not our problem, is it? 456 00:52:09,695 --> 00:52:11,297 Look, if you don't want it, fair enough. 457 00:52:11,303 --> 00:52:12,911 But if you want to have it taken back, 458 00:52:12,923 --> 00:52:14,624 you're gonna have to contact the depot yourself. 459 00:52:14,630 --> 00:52:15,447 What? 460 00:52:15,565 --> 00:52:18,657 Yeah, you shouldn't have signed for it if you didn't want it. 461 00:52:29,288 --> 00:52:30,989 So immature, Mel. 462 00:52:34,443 --> 00:52:36,598 Oh, for fuck's sake, man. 463 00:52:37,356 --> 00:52:38,848 Hold on, what? 464 00:52:39,356 --> 00:52:42,338 What the fuck are you talking about? Quilted for softness. 465 00:52:43,050 --> 00:52:44,785 Quilted for softness? 466 00:52:45,699 --> 00:52:48,154 You asked me for tissue, and I gave you tissue. 467 00:52:48,335 --> 00:52:50,853 You're lucky I didn't give you fucking sandpaper. 468 00:52:51,789 --> 00:52:53,419 No, man, I know. I'm grateful. 469 00:52:53,513 --> 00:52:55,163 Don't be grateful. 470 00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:56,936 Be embarrassed. 471 00:52:57,235 --> 00:52:58,536 Be ashamed. 472 00:53:01,248 --> 00:53:03,415 Listen, you staying for a puff or what? 473 00:53:04,347 --> 00:53:06,257 You what? What, share your joint? 474 00:53:06,495 --> 00:53:07,577 Yeah. 475 00:53:08,425 --> 00:53:09,948 And catch your herpes. 476 00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:13,069 Bruv, I rather eat onions. 477 00:53:13,316 --> 00:53:15,809 What look, I'm not doing this bullshit again, man. 478 00:53:15,838 --> 00:53:17,872 I'm a busy man, you know? 479 00:53:18,515 --> 00:53:20,088 Yeah, I know you are but like I said, 480 00:53:20,094 --> 00:53:21,230 it was an emergency, wasn't it? 481 00:53:21,236 --> 00:53:23,160 - That why I needed you, bruv. - Yeah. 482 00:53:23,166 --> 00:53:25,913 But, you know, when you get yourself back on your feet, yeah, 483 00:53:25,959 --> 00:53:27,367 you owe me. 484 00:53:28,353 --> 00:53:31,098 Yeah. I'm starting to get better anyway. 485 00:53:31,245 --> 00:53:32,943 Look, I'm going to give you some advice, yeah? 486 00:53:32,977 --> 00:53:34,612 You're gonna listen? 487 00:53:35,363 --> 00:53:36,997 Look up at the stars... 488 00:53:37,797 --> 00:53:39,231 and not at your feet. 489 00:53:40,318 --> 00:53:42,116 And try to make sense 490 00:53:42,313 --> 00:53:43,647 of what you see... 491 00:53:44,433 --> 00:53:46,002 and wonder... 492 00:53:46,410 --> 00:53:49,644 what really makes this universe exist. 493 00:53:52,666 --> 00:53:54,200 Be curious. 494 00:53:54,884 --> 00:53:57,718 Yeah, yeah. You're right, man. 495 00:53:58,501 --> 00:53:59,964 I need to be more. 496 00:54:00,177 --> 00:54:02,112 What the fuck is that, anyway? 497 00:54:05,017 --> 00:54:06,318 That. 498 00:54:08,070 --> 00:54:09,737 That's a freezer. 499 00:54:26,158 --> 00:54:28,621 * Strangers in the night * 500 00:54:29,363 --> 00:54:31,848 * Exchanging glances * 501 00:54:31,893 --> 00:54:34,625 * Wondering in the night * 502 00:54:34,870 --> 00:54:37,571 * What were the chances * 503 00:54:38,113 --> 00:54:40,210 * La-la-la da-da * 504 00:54:40,443 --> 00:54:42,200 * La-la da-da * 505 00:54:42,247 --> 00:54:44,549 * La-da * 506 00:54:47,871 --> 00:54:50,504 * Something in your eyes * 507 00:54:50,896 --> 00:54:53,864 * Was so exciting * 508 00:54:54,602 --> 00:54:57,183 * Something in your smile * 509 00:54:57,285 --> 00:55:00,582 * Was so inviting * 510 00:55:00,670 --> 00:55:03,004 * La da-da-da-da * 511 00:55:04,220 --> 00:55:07,250 Come on, Mel. Just answer your phone, man. 512 00:55:07,361 --> 00:55:08,602 Please. 513 00:55:08,807 --> 00:55:09,937 I just wanna talk to you. 514 00:55:09,982 --> 00:55:13,813 * La-la-la da-da * 515 00:55:14,026 --> 00:55:16,091 * La-la-da-da * 516 00:55:16,234 --> 00:55:18,268 Ring me back when you can, yeah? 517 00:55:18,686 --> 00:55:19,950 I miss you. 518 00:56:56,211 --> 00:56:58,279 What the fuck? 519 00:56:59,236 --> 00:57:01,304 I need one as soon as possible. 520 00:57:02,236 --> 00:57:05,424 Yeah, um, preferably today. 521 00:57:05,628 --> 00:57:08,228 Yeah. No, sorry, it's an emergency, you see? 522 00:57:09,679 --> 00:57:11,179 One second. 523 00:57:13,602 --> 00:57:14,998 All right, Gerry, mate. 524 00:57:15,102 --> 00:57:17,921 Look, I can't really talk right now, man. I'm a bit busy. 525 00:57:21,824 --> 00:57:22,881 What? 526 00:57:23,337 --> 00:57:24,564 Hold on a minute. 527 00:57:24,862 --> 00:57:26,224 What are you talking about? 528 00:57:26,278 --> 00:57:28,279 I sent you the full schedule yesterday. 529 00:57:30,697 --> 00:57:33,798 Warning? You're gonna give me a warning? 530 00:57:34,963 --> 00:57:36,596 No, cool. No, it's fine, Gerry. 531 00:57:36,633 --> 00:57:38,573 It's all right. Go on, give me a warning, innit? 532 00:57:38,608 --> 00:57:39,915 'Cause I let you know, yeah? 533 00:57:39,940 --> 00:57:43,023 That warning ain't gonna be as bad as chemotherapy, is it? 534 00:57:43,093 --> 00:57:44,898 No, and just in case you wondered 535 00:57:44,941 --> 00:57:46,615 it's terminal as well. 536 00:57:47,608 --> 00:57:50,398 So, sorry if I got some other things on my mind, mate, yeah? 537 00:57:50,429 --> 00:57:51,830 Fucking prick. 538 00:58:04,210 --> 00:58:05,710 A million and 50. 539 00:58:06,362 --> 00:58:07,595 A million and 10. 540 00:58:07,597 --> 00:58:08,863 A million and 20. 541 00:58:10,469 --> 00:58:11,594 Gerry. 542 00:58:12,103 --> 00:58:13,577 What are you doing here? 543 00:58:15,397 --> 00:58:17,664 What is that? 544 00:58:20,075 --> 00:58:21,341 It's a cock. 545 00:58:22,893 --> 00:58:25,064 - It is disgusting. - Yeah, I know. 546 00:58:25,485 --> 00:58:28,033 - Are you sure it's not yours? - It's not mine. 547 00:58:28,354 --> 00:58:30,123 But why are you looking at me like that? 548 00:58:30,129 --> 00:58:31,894 It certainly ain't mine. 549 00:58:32,083 --> 00:58:33,451 Have you seen it? 550 00:58:33,892 --> 00:58:35,138 It's white. 551 00:58:35,889 --> 00:58:36,740 Whose cock is it then? 552 00:58:36,765 --> 00:58:38,661 How the fuck am I meant to know whose cock that is? 553 00:58:38,667 --> 00:58:40,657 It was sent from your phone. They all were. 554 00:58:40,663 --> 00:58:42,896 Well, my phone must have got nicked then. 555 00:58:43,367 --> 00:58:44,867 I spoke to you this morning. 556 00:58:44,995 --> 00:58:46,914 Yeah, and it must have been in the afternoon. 557 00:58:46,920 --> 00:58:48,846 After I came out of the doctor's. 558 00:58:49,167 --> 00:58:51,497 That's it. My phone got nicked in the afternoon, 559 00:58:51,503 --> 00:58:52,893 and they got sent. 560 00:58:52,967 --> 00:58:55,154 Why? When... when were they sent to you? 561 00:58:55,396 --> 00:58:57,446 - This afternoon. - Hah! There we go. 562 00:58:57,685 --> 00:58:59,215 Makes sense, don't it? 563 00:59:04,629 --> 00:59:06,295 Oh dear. What is that? 564 00:59:09,566 --> 00:59:11,040 Look, Gerry, man... 565 00:59:11,196 --> 00:59:14,063 - I swear, I didn't mean to lie. - Save it. 566 00:59:15,017 --> 00:59:16,294 You're fired. 567 00:59:16,462 --> 00:59:17,761 Effective immediately. 568 00:59:17,763 --> 00:59:19,794 - No, you can't do that. - I just did. 569 01:01:11,954 --> 01:01:13,479 You better not be lying this time, 570 01:01:13,485 --> 01:01:14,996 or I swear to God. 571 01:01:15,661 --> 01:01:16,859 Yeah, well, of course I'm gonna ask you. 572 01:01:16,865 --> 01:01:18,966 You're the only person who had access to my wallet. 573 01:01:19,853 --> 01:01:20,756 So it wasn't you 574 01:01:20,762 --> 01:01:22,264 who ordered this massive freezer 575 01:01:22,270 --> 01:01:24,237 that just sitting in my living room right now? 576 01:01:25,444 --> 01:01:27,124 So, Mr. Hussein, 577 01:01:27,243 --> 01:01:29,526 new lock, bolts, and chain. 578 01:01:29,713 --> 01:01:31,846 You can't really do much more than that. 579 01:01:32,847 --> 01:01:35,280 Safe as houses, as they say. 580 01:02:44,744 --> 01:02:46,014 Go on, then. 581 01:02:46,974 --> 01:02:48,476 Sh-show your face. 582 01:02:50,719 --> 01:02:52,240 Fucking prick. 583 01:03:04,974 --> 01:03:07,074 What the fuck? 584 01:04:00,545 --> 01:04:02,811 "According to the law in London, 585 01:04:03,116 --> 01:04:05,190 you may sit down for the night, 586 01:04:05,377 --> 01:04:07,905 but the police must move you on 587 01:04:08,113 --> 01:04:09,814 if they see you asleep." 588 01:04:22,445 --> 01:04:24,578 Hey, how's it going? 589 01:04:25,277 --> 01:04:26,744 My friends. 590 01:05:07,406 --> 01:05:09,511 Yes, Mum, I've eaten. 591 01:05:10,692 --> 01:05:13,359 I had, like, a pepperoni pizza before. 592 01:05:15,099 --> 01:05:16,277 No. 593 01:05:16,611 --> 01:05:18,378 I don't know whose it is. 594 01:05:19,078 --> 01:05:20,657 I'm being serious. 595 01:05:21,423 --> 01:05:25,587 Wh... Why are you asking me anyway? Like you haven't seen my willy before. 596 01:05:27,710 --> 01:05:28,788 No. 597 01:05:28,933 --> 01:05:32,234 Th-That's not me trying to show you that I'm gay. 598 01:05:34,141 --> 01:05:35,267 Mum. 599 01:05:35,855 --> 01:05:36,953 It... 600 01:05:37,065 --> 01:05:39,233 The willy was not even circumcised. 601 01:05:41,492 --> 01:05:45,085 So why... I don't understand why you would even think it's mine. 602 01:05:45,541 --> 01:05:47,252 Have you seen the color of it? 603 01:05:49,010 --> 01:05:50,911 It looks like a fucking fish finger. 604 01:06:23,056 --> 01:06:25,075 I guess it's just us guys now, innit? 605 01:06:27,371 --> 01:06:29,437 Guess we gotta look after each other. 606 01:08:11,579 --> 01:08:13,979 You fucking idiot. 607 01:08:30,005 --> 01:08:32,284 Never a lender or borrower be! 608 01:08:33,320 --> 01:08:34,955 You used to say it all the time. 609 01:08:36,988 --> 01:08:39,155 Look, I know we're a working family, 610 01:08:39,839 --> 01:08:40,800 and... 611 01:08:41,626 --> 01:08:43,549 this isn't me trying to get you and Dad 612 01:08:43,555 --> 01:08:44,586 to pay for my mortgage. 613 01:08:44,592 --> 01:08:46,095 That's not what I'm asking. 614 01:08:46,923 --> 01:08:50,102 I just wanted to see if he was able 615 01:08:50,359 --> 01:08:53,160 to lend me a couple hundred quid until the end of... 616 01:08:57,226 --> 01:08:58,348 No, I know. 617 01:08:59,292 --> 01:09:01,494 There is not a lot out there, Mum, but... 618 01:09:02,493 --> 01:09:05,168 I'm gonna try it. I hope to find one. 619 01:09:05,612 --> 01:09:07,145 Pretty confident I can. 620 01:09:10,325 --> 01:09:13,324 Just gotta look up at the stars and not down at my feet, 621 01:09:13,560 --> 01:09:14,894 I guess. 622 01:09:17,225 --> 01:09:19,691 What's the matter with you? Can't say hello? 623 01:09:26,214 --> 01:09:28,113 What the bumboclaat? 624 01:09:30,119 --> 01:09:31,936 Holy shit! 625 01:09:38,043 --> 01:09:40,310 Bruv, what's going on? What's the matter? 626 01:09:47,644 --> 01:09:49,475 Are you all right, bruv? 627 01:09:49,618 --> 01:09:51,605 Looks like a fucking crack den in here. 628 01:09:52,671 --> 01:09:53,616 Bruv... 629 01:09:53,969 --> 01:09:56,805 just give me my weed and fuck off, innit? 630 01:09:59,297 --> 01:10:00,798 Oh, so, it's like that, yeah? 631 01:10:06,403 --> 01:10:08,879 You know what, take your fucking weed, yeah? 632 01:10:40,728 --> 01:10:41,634 Hola! 633 01:10:41,784 --> 01:10:42,987 Holy fuck! 634 01:10:43,551 --> 01:10:45,403 What the fuck? What are you doing in my house? 635 01:10:45,409 --> 01:10:46,674 Fuck you! 636 01:10:46,801 --> 01:10:48,615 You didn't give me anywhere else to go. 637 01:10:48,621 --> 01:10:49,673 Who the fuck are you? 638 01:10:49,679 --> 01:10:51,710 Mister Flash Bastard! 639 01:10:51,871 --> 01:10:53,549 Mister Wheeler Dealer! 640 01:10:53,952 --> 01:10:56,554 Fucking crazy-boy! Get out of my fucking house! 641 01:10:57,623 --> 01:11:00,357 Come on. Make your fucking move! 642 01:11:02,773 --> 01:11:04,577 I'll snap your fucking neck. 643 01:11:04,612 --> 01:11:05,942 Oh, please, man, please. 644 01:11:06,022 --> 01:11:08,843 We can sort something out. We don't have to do this. 645 01:11:09,446 --> 01:11:11,747 I got some cash. I can give you some money. 646 01:11:12,083 --> 01:11:14,237 Money. Of course. 647 01:11:14,738 --> 01:11:16,757 Money? Fuck you! 648 01:11:17,361 --> 01:11:18,628 Sit down! 649 01:11:29,721 --> 01:11:32,789 Probably don't remember my girlfriend. 650 01:11:35,608 --> 01:11:36,649 Well... 651 01:11:37,254 --> 01:11:38,689 she lost her baby. 652 01:11:41,473 --> 01:11:43,140 She lost the baby, anyway. 653 01:11:46,313 --> 01:11:48,110 And I lost her. 654 01:11:49,362 --> 01:11:50,524 Court. 655 01:11:54,154 --> 01:11:57,155 I lost both, both of them. 656 01:12:01,944 --> 01:12:04,144 They do say it's stressful... 657 01:12:05,860 --> 01:12:08,093 losing your home. 658 01:12:14,366 --> 01:12:17,134 Man, I was just doing my job. 659 01:12:18,218 --> 01:12:20,118 They tell us to do that stuff. 660 01:12:20,312 --> 01:12:22,290 Wait it out for the highest offer. 661 01:12:22,977 --> 01:12:25,545 'Cause I'm a victim of it just as much as you are. 662 01:12:34,084 --> 01:12:35,720 H-Hey now, come on. 663 01:12:36,314 --> 01:12:38,599 Hey, now, you ain't gonna do this, man! 664 01:14:08,334 --> 01:14:10,024 Goodbye, my friends. 665 01:15:08,886 --> 01:15:10,144 Hello, Mum. 666 01:15:10,576 --> 01:15:13,909 Yeah, listen to me, yeah? Listen to me carefully. I need your help. 667 01:15:13,950 --> 01:15:15,563 Can you get Imran please? 668 01:15:15,641 --> 01:15:18,307 Tell him to come to my house... ASAP. 669 01:15:19,207 --> 01:15:21,608 Yeah. No, it's an emergency. 670 01:15:23,551 --> 01:15:24,424 I-I'm... 671 01:15:25,459 --> 01:15:27,848 Basically, some old, crazy man 672 01:15:27,920 --> 01:15:29,822 has stuck me in a freezer. 673 01:15:31,433 --> 01:15:33,934 It's in the hallway. Why does that even matter? 674 01:15:34,843 --> 01:15:37,045 Yeah, can you just tell him to come quick. 675 01:15:39,143 --> 01:15:41,166 Yeah, I'll explain more la... 676 01:15:41,496 --> 01:15:42,525 No. 677 01:15:44,175 --> 01:15:46,643 This has not got nothing to do with sex. 678 01:15:48,218 --> 01:15:49,552 Yes, Mum. 679 01:15:50,433 --> 01:15:52,114 Hello? Hello? 680 01:15:52,583 --> 01:15:55,116 Mum? Mum? 681 01:15:55,715 --> 01:15:57,082 Mum? 682 01:16:51,875 --> 01:16:53,544 As far back as I can remember, 683 01:16:53,550 --> 01:16:55,517 I always wanted to be an estate agent. 684 01:16:57,776 --> 01:16:59,407 All right, calm down. 685 01:16:59,494 --> 01:17:00,838 That was a little lie. 686 01:17:00,894 --> 01:17:02,299 A fake statement. 687 01:17:02,803 --> 01:17:05,168 I got no qualifications, no experience, 688 01:17:05,174 --> 01:17:07,412 no license, nor training. 689 01:17:07,876 --> 01:17:10,261 I answered an ad in a job site saying 690 01:17:10,394 --> 01:17:13,367 "Spineless and love negotiating?" 691 01:17:13,776 --> 01:17:16,719 At least I'm not like them "Home Under the Hammer" spanners. 692 01:17:16,778 --> 01:17:19,138 Once the property is completed, I advise 693 01:17:19,200 --> 01:17:22,378 shut the fuck up, you bunch of wankers. 694 01:17:22,700 --> 01:17:26,266 I spray a can of Brut over my 60 percent polyester suit. 695 01:17:26,582 --> 01:17:28,041 I spit shine my shoes. 696 01:17:28,237 --> 01:17:31,618 "Yes, Mrs. Brown. I'll meet you outside at noon." 697 01:17:32,108 --> 01:17:34,321 See, to my face, people call me Hussein. 698 01:17:34,462 --> 01:17:37,696 Behind my back, "Saddam, pak rat, Taliban." 699 01:17:37,739 --> 01:17:39,973 Some even think Gandhi's my name. 700 01:17:40,550 --> 01:17:42,118 I know I'm not Indian. 701 01:17:42,516 --> 01:17:44,168 But we're still all the same. 702 01:17:44,386 --> 01:17:48,283 This race-based hate can raise the strain and take the piss. 703 01:17:48,596 --> 01:17:50,141 You think I'm a cabbie? 704 01:17:50,265 --> 01:17:52,839 A corner shop Ali, serving curry? 705 01:17:54,376 --> 01:17:57,666 As if. I'm an estate agent. A great agent. 706 01:17:57,760 --> 01:18:01,449 I make payments. And if there's a new space vacant, I'm chain breaking. 707 01:18:01,455 --> 01:18:05,608 I could give a fuck if I sold you a lame, stained basement. 708 01:18:05,902 --> 01:18:08,433 I mean, you viewed it, right? 709 01:18:10,340 --> 01:18:13,741 I remember this one story about this one don. 710 01:18:14,375 --> 01:18:16,316 I think his name was John. 711 01:18:16,555 --> 01:18:19,241 He put a house on the offer, for a mansion. 712 01:18:19,352 --> 01:18:21,873 Oh! I thought the lot was on. 713 01:18:21,996 --> 01:18:23,874 But my commission was rotten. 714 01:18:24,347 --> 01:18:26,207 He wanted this place so bad. 715 01:18:26,377 --> 01:18:28,407 I decided to bend and break. 716 01:18:28,664 --> 01:18:31,566 "Yeah, mate, I'll ring the vendor, and I'll negotiate." 717 01:18:32,121 --> 01:18:33,669 That's how I fucked him over. 718 01:18:33,724 --> 01:18:36,173 And that's the money that paid for my holiday. 719 01:18:36,267 --> 01:18:39,341 So what if a client outbid himself in the end? 720 01:18:39,524 --> 01:18:41,874 We're not relatives, acquaintances, 721 01:18:42,048 --> 01:18:43,581 or personal friends. 722 01:18:44,166 --> 01:18:45,939 The more you zoom in... 723 01:18:46,033 --> 01:18:47,273 the less we all count. 724 01:18:47,827 --> 01:18:50,275 It's like we're all rats, ants, and parasites. 725 01:18:50,384 --> 01:18:51,673 All crawling around. 726 01:18:52,072 --> 01:18:53,774 It's a vicious cycle. 727 01:18:53,915 --> 01:18:55,874 We signed our lives to a trap. 728 01:18:56,016 --> 01:18:57,943 They say, karma can't harm ya... 729 01:18:58,676 --> 01:19:00,205 if it can't catch up. 730 01:19:00,530 --> 01:19:03,043 So run fast towards the darkness 731 01:19:03,891 --> 01:19:06,741 in hope... not trust. 732 01:19:07,377 --> 01:19:12,532 Line by line resync and more by Dandysubs on 20180508. 733 01:19:12,748 --> 01:19:17,748 Subtitles by explosiveskull 51861

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