Original subtitles

- A package of gum, please. - No gum.

- Then give me a chocolate almond bar. - Chocolate almond bar?

No chocolate almond bars and no gum. Where have you been?

- Made up your mind yet, soldier? - Yeah.

All aboard.

- How much? - Which one?

Los Angeles Westbound Express. Track two.

- This one. - A quarter.

Temple, Pinehill...

Greenwood, and points west.

All aboard.

Los Angeles Westbound Express.

- Hey, soldier. - Me?

Forgot your magazine.

Excuse me, miss. Is this seat taken?

Do you mind if I sit here?

Are you riding alone, or traveling with luggage?

- Cigarette? - No, thank you.

Going my way?

Are you trying to start a conversation with me?

Hi, everybody!

- Hi. - Hi, Mac.

You at Guadal?

I wouldn't be a bit surprised if I was in the force that moved you in there.

Could be.

We sure caught it for the first couple of weeks down there.

Hiya, pal.

What are you crying for, dope? The sailor said hello to you, that's all.

The kid must have some beef against the Navy.

Say, that's quite a layout out there.

I don't like prisons. They give me the creeps.

You got nothing to worry about.

If you get into a jam and wind up in the clink...

I got a friend who can give you a low number.

Hot coffee. Get it while it's hot. Coffee.

Rock breaks scissors.

- Don't I ever win one of these? - You'll catch on to it.

- Scissors cuts paper. - Holy cats!

- Once more. Let's go. - Let's try it again.

- Rock breaks scissors. - Come on.

Paper covers rock.

Scissors cuts paper.

I've been waiting for this.

No matter how this works, I lose out.

- Do you want to try it? - Too rich for me.

- How about you, miss? - I'm afraid I couldn't take it.

What do you say we get something to eat?

I'm loaded. I'll buy everybody coffee and sandwiches.

No ifs, ands, or buts. The treat's on me. Papa's on leave.

- I'll be back in a flash with the trash. - I'll help you carry it.

- Are you going home on furlough? - Yeah.

Yeah, I'm on furlough. They gave me a furlough.

Is this your first time home since...

Well, I haven't got any regular home or family.

I'm just going to visit.

You traveling on business, or...

No, I'm on vacation. Christmas vacation.

What kind of business are you in? I mean, what sort of work do you do?

Well, I...

I travel.

I'm a traveling saleslady.

I never heard any jokes about traveling salesladies.

I guess there aren't many.

I never would have guessed that's what you did.

What would you have guessed?

That you were...

I don't know...

a secretary or a model maybe...

or schoolteacher.

Well, I once was a secretary...

and I wanted to be a model.

So that would have been pretty good guessing.

You're going all the way to L. A.?

No, I haven't much farther to go, as a matter of fact.

I'm getting off at Pinehill.

Pinehill your home?

No. I'm just visiting my uncle.

That's funny. I'm going to Pinehill, too.

Really?

Yeah. I'm visiting there. My sister lives in Pinehill.

- I'll bet she'll be very glad to see you. - I hope so.

Maybe we'll run into each other there.

Yes.

Bye.

617 North Elm Street.

Oh, wait. if...

If anybody tried to telephone you, how could they get you?

Well, my uncle's name is in the telephone book.

- Henry Marshall. - Henry Marshall?

- What's your name? - Mary Marshall.

Mary Marshall. Goodbye.

Wait a minute.

If somebody calls and says it's Zachary Morgan, that's me.

Glad to meet you.

Merry Christmas.

If there's anything you want, just holler.

We like to do whatever we can.

Don't get worried, Zach.

That bayonet wound is all healed...

but the wound in your mind is going to take a little more time.

That's why the doctors gave you this 10-day leave from the hospital...

to prove to you that you can go out in the world again...

and find a place for yourself.

It's going to take a little while to get your timing back.

You'll still drop things and be a little slow, but you'll get well.

They told you you would.

The important thing is not to get too tired, not to give in.

Then you won't get any of those...

Those things that wind up with a shot in the arm, or a tub...

or that little room with a barred window.

You can fight those things off, Zach, if you'll believe that you'll get well.

Stop thinking about yourself, Zach.

You'll get well.

- Here you are. - Aunt Sarah.

- Welcome home, dear. Come on in. - Thank you.

- How was your trip? - It was fine.

You haven't changed, Mary, not at all.

Thank you, Aunt Sarah.

It's so good to be here.

I'm so glad to have you with us, dear. Awfully glad.

Barbara, come on down.

You can share Barbara's room.

- I don't want to disturb anybody. I don't... - Nonsense. Barbara will love to have you.

Here, for Heaven's sake, give me your coat.

Anyway, it's the guest room, or it was before Barbara was born.

Besides, I think it'd be a very good thing for Barbara. She's 17.

Seventeen?

And she's pretty, spoiled, and at an age...

You know.

I think an older girl will be a very good thing for her right now, like you.

Yes, like you.

There's a million things to talk about, but first you want to wash up.

Hello, Mary. I'm awfully glad to see you.

Hello, Barbara. Why, I never would have known you.

- She's grown into a beauty. - Welcome home.

- Take Mary up to your room, dear. - Follow me, lady, to my boudoir.

Although it's small, not much bigger than a cell.

I'm sorry, Mary.

Look, there's just one thing.

We all know that I've been in prison, and that I'm going back in eight days.

And there's no use pretending it isn't so.

It just won't be any good unless everybody says what he thinks...

and doesn't try to cover up.

You're a fine girl, Mary. Now go up and see your room.

That's Mom's room.

I don't remember, Mary. Were you ever here before?

Only once, when you were just a kid.

Here we are.

All the comforts of home.

It's nice, Barbara.

We even have our own bathroom.

This is where I sleep?

I was just thinking, that's a nice suit you have on, Mary.

Thank you, Barbara.

You were thinking of something else, too.

As a matter of fact, I was.

- Where can I put this? - I'll take it.

You may as well tell me, so we can both get it off our minds.

Well, I just... Well, you see...

I hadn't known that they gave these vacations, or furloughs...

to people that...

You don't have to be shy about it. I didn't know about it either...

till the warden told me that in this state, and in a few other states...

they give special furloughs to people for good behavior.

I think it's wonderful that they have that confidence in you.

Yes. I think so, too.

The soap in the dish is mine, yours is on the shelf.

- Mary? - Yes, I heard you.

You must have been looking forward to it, Mary.

I was looking forward to seeing you, Aunt Sarah.

That's sweet of you, dear.

As a matter of fact, selfish.

I've been doing a lot of thinking in the past three years, Aunt Sarah, and...

What sort of things were you thinking, Mary?

Coming out into the world and...

Even coming here, I had a feeling that...

Honey, you've got to stop being afraid.

You've got to stop feeling that you're branded like people were in the old days.

You've done something, you're paying your debt to society.

Most people are willing to let it go at that.

I know, but coming out into the world...

and seeing everybody in uniform, everybody doing something...

I just don't belong, I don't fit in.

And dreams that I've had for the future...

are just impossible.

Most dreams are, Mary. It's just the dreaming that counts.

Nobody gets exactly what he wants out of life.

One of the first things you learn is to make compromises with your dreams.

But I'm not talking about palaces and rainbows, Aunt Sarah.

I'm talking about a home.

A home like this, with a kitchen and a stove and an icebox...

and a husband, and a child.

Yes, I have all that.

Yet I used to dream about palaces and rainbows.

But you're happy.

Of course. Because I didn't hold out for too much.

I accepted what I thought was second best and made that do.

It's something that everybody learns sooner or later.

We have to get used to accepting what you think is second best, and then...

you find out it's first best after all.

No, I don't see how that could...

Yes, this is Mr. Marshall's home.

Who is it?

Just a minute.

- It's for her. - And why not?

Mary, it's for you.

Barbara, come and help me set the table.

Thank you.

Hello?

Yes, Zach, this is me.

Of course I meant it.

I'd love to, but what about your sister?

That's too bad.

I'd love to, Zach, but...

Wait just a minute.

Aunt Sarah...

this is a soldier I met on the train, and he's really very nice.

He came here to visit his sister, and finds that she's gone to California...

and he wants me to go to dinner with him, and I was wondering if...

A soldier? Well, why not ask him here for dinner?

- May I, Aunt Sarah? - You ask him this instant.

And tell him not to be late.

Hello, Zach.

You're to come over here to dinner, Zach.

But we all want you.

Yes, and Aunt Sarah says not to be late.

It's 617 Elm Street. That's right.

All right, goodbye.

- How did you ever happen to meet him? - Well, I...

- Was he good-looking? - Why, I don't know.

Didn't you notice?

No more lollygagging. Hurry and set the table. Your father'll be here any minute.

A soldier for dinner!

- Hello, Babs. - Hi, Dad.

- Mary get here yet? - Yes. She's in there.

Good.

Thanks.

- Hello, dear. - Hello.

- Welcome, Mary. - Hello, Uncle Henry.

- You're looking fine. - Thank you.

I'm happy to have you here, Mary. I mean it.

Hey, you must have behaved really well for them to give you this vacation.

I think that's fine.

Well, it's just that they don't exactly look upon me as a criminal.

No, of course not. I don't think of you as a criminal, either.

Otherwise I'd never have put up the lawyer money.

- I think you would, Henry. - Now, Sarah.

What's done is done. Let's think no more about it.

I want you to have a good time while you're here.

Thank you.

I want you to feel just like any one of us.

She's going to, Henry. We've invited a soldier to dinner for her.

You did?

Well, that's fine.

I'm sorry. I thought this was the Marshall house.

It is.

- Is Miss Marshall here? - I'm Miss Marshall.

I mean your... Mary Marshall.

- Well, she... - Barbara, stop teasing that young man.

- I'm Mary's aunt. You're Zachary? - Yes.

This is Barbara, my foolish daughter.

- Hello. - Hi.

- May I take your coat and hat? - Thank you.

- Hello, Zach. - Hello, Mary.

You were quick.

Take Zachary into the living room. Make him comfortable.

Thank you.

Henry, dinner.

- Is it on the table? - In a minute.

- Barbara, come with me. I need you. - Oh, Mother.

This is swell.

I haven't been in a real home like this in almost as long as I can remember.

It's too bad about you missing your sister.

Well, Mary...

I'm in this house under false pretenses.

I haven't any sister. I just made all that up.

When you said you were getting off the train at Pinehill...

I had to make up some sort of excuse so I could get off with you.

Good evening.

Uncle Henry, this is Zachary Morgan. My uncle.

- Happy to have you here, Sergeant. - Thank you.

Make yourself at home. Happy to do whatever we can for the armed forces.

A man always feels, these days, he's not doing enough.

How about a drink? Have some bourbon.

No, thank you, I'm not drinking just now.

Well, let you in on a little secret.

Neither am I.

It's a funny thing. People that have it don't want it.

Oh, fine.

People that can't get it...

you ought to see the act they put on in my drugstore to get that stuff.

Supper's ready. Come and get it.

Hungry?

- Mary, you sit over here. Zach, down there. - Thank you.

We thank you, God, for our daily bread.

We will do our best to deserve it.

We know that you are present here with us...

that you are smiling upon our two guests, Mary and Zachary.

Please look after all our dear ones...

and all the boys who are fighting for our country.

Amen.

You're not very used to saying grace, are you, Zach?

No. In the Army I guess you don't have time.

Didn't you even say it when you were a kid?

When I was a kid I did, it was just sort of routine.

- You say it as if you meant it, sir. - I do, Sergeant.

Makes me want to say that I am grateful, too, for being here and everything.

Thank you, Zachary.

- You must be quite a soldier. - I wouldn't say that.

The Good Conduct Medal, two campaigns in the South Pacific...

and the Purple Heart.

For Heaven's sake, Barbara, where'd you learn all that?

A girl gets to know medals like she does boogie-woogie.

But the Purple Heart, that means you were wounded.

Barbara, stop asking questions. I'm sure Sgt. Morgan doesn't like it.

Come on, Zach, tell us how you got to be a hero.

After dinner, you go upstairs and take off some of that lipstick.

Looks as if you fell in a pot of red paint.

Go on, eat your soup, Sergeant, before it gets cold. That's orders.

You must have been disappointed not to find your sister.

Well, Mrs. Marshall...

She took a defense job in California.

Didn't she?

Are you mad at me, Zach, for asking all those questions?

No.

I'm not mad. You mad?

No, I'm not mad.

Dad.

- Dad, I want to ask you a question. - Fine. Fire away.

You know, you never told me anything about Mary.

I mean, why she was sent to prison, and why she...

You can find out about that some other time, when you're a little older.

But it can't be so secret. I don't see why I shouldn't know.

Barbara, you can find out about that some other time.

It's just that Mary made a little mistake, and that's all there is to it.

But they don't send people to prison for just doing nothing.

Look, I'm trying to listen to the radio and work this puzzle.

I can't take on another job at the moment.

What if my friends ask me about her? What'll I tell them?

- They'll want to know... - Just tell them that Mary is your cousin.

From that point on, they can mind their own business.

And it seems to me that your business might be helping your mother.

Dad, sometimes the way you talk to me...

you make me feel like I'm an adopted daughter or something.

Sighted Jap, sunk same.

Franklin, behave yourself. Get up from that pavement this instant.

You'll all catch your death of cold. Now, now.

I'll tell your father.

I'll tell your father, that's... Not one Christmas present for you.

- Is the war really like that? - I guess so.

- That's funny. - Why?

I mean that you should only guess so.

They have experts making those pictures.

I guess that's the way they see the war.

A beach a mile long...

and thousands of soldiers and tanks and machine guns and everything.

I guess that's the way it is.

But it wasn't that way for you?

It's just a difference in size.

To a guy that's in it, the war is about 10 feet wide...

and kind of empty.

It's you and a couple of fellows in your company, maybe...

and maybe a couple of Japs. It's all kind of mixed up.

Sometimes it's all full of noise, and sometimes it's quiet.

It all depends on what you're thinking about, I guess.

It depends on how scared you are...

how cold you are, and how wet you are.

I guess if you asked a hundred guys what the war is like...

they'd all give you a different answer.

- You know what? - What?

I mean...

usually you don't like to talk about it.

I never said anything about it before, not to anybody.

- I'm sorry, I... - No.

No. I feel kind of good.

Let's go have a drink or something.

All right if we sit back here?

Had that booth reserved for you. Nothing's too good for the Army.

No offense, sailor.

- Okay, my friend. - You see, I'm an old Army man myself.

Yes, sir.

What'll you have, Mary?

A cup of coffee.

Come on, it's Christmas. The sky's the limit. Have a piece of pie with it.

No, I'll just have a cup of coffee.

- Two coffees. - Coming up. Two cups of java.

Sure you won't have anything else?

Not after that wonderful dinner Aunt Sarah prepared for us.

They're nice people. You're nice people, too.

Hot java for the Army.

Social error. There you are.

Hey, soldier, you certainly been places.

- Would you like some cream? - No, thanks.

You know, I was just a boy of 18, over in France, in World War I.

They're kidding themselves. This is the same kind of war.

- Sure you won't have some cream? - No, I don't use it.

The Navy, Marine, Air Force, they're okay. This one's gonna be just like the last one.

A soldier like you or me, walking out on his own two feet and slugging it out.

I took off some weight since my time.

Used to be heavyweight champion of the regiment.

Got a couple of funny medals. Here they are.

When this thing starts, I try to sign up again.

I tell them I want a chance to knock a couple of Jap heads together.

Could still do it, too. Squash them like eggs, I could.

They won't let me fight.

Why? On account of this tick in my face.

Nothing touched me in the last war. I got a bit of shell shock.

It left me with this. Nobody ever notices it.

But that young doctor squirt, not dry behind his ears...

he turns me down. I don't get it.

Thank you, Mary.

Mary, I...

I think you ought to know something.

What is it, Zach?

I wish I could tell you.

You probably think...

I bet I could do better than that.

Hello.

Hello.

- I thought you were asleep. - No, I've been burning the midnight oil.

Here's my morale list.

It's fun to think I'm the pinup girl for at least five fellows.

And it's part of the war effort. I keep up their morale, maybe.

It must be nice to be able to keep up somebody's morale.

I imagine you could write to a lot of them. They just like to get mail from anybody.

I mean, you don't have to know them awfully well to...

What I mean is...

When I was 17, I had a little trouble finding the right words, too.

Is Zach stationed here, or...

Barbara, what I'm in prison for isn't catching.

I'm sorry, Mary, I...

I keep hurting you and...

I really don't want to.

I guess it is uncomfortable for you...

to meet somebody who's been in prison.

Maybe when you get to know me, you'll feel differently.

I want to know you, Mary. Really, I do.

- How much do you know about me? - Not much.

Mother and Dad still treat me like a child. Everything's a big secret.

I don't think it would hurt for you to know. As a matter of fact, I think it might help.

- When I was your age, my mother died. - I remember her.

Way back when I was young.

She used to make clothes for my favorite doll.

Yes, she was wonderful with her hands.

And some time after that, my father went north on business.

And then, when he died, I was on my own.

Got a very good job as a secretary...

and my job brought me in contact with a lot of nice men...

one of whom might have turned out, I thought, to be the one...

who would give me all the things that you dream about when you're 20 and lonely.

One day, when I was called into my boss's office...

he invited me to a party in his apartment.

He was single, and I started dreaming.

Bosses do marry their secretaries.

I took what money I'd saved, and I bought an evening dress.

I thought it was very fancy. I wanted to look good in front of his high-class friends.

He'd sent me an orchid, a white orchid...

the first one I'd ever had.

I was wearing it.

When the door opened, I walked into the biggest apartment I'd ever seen.

I thought it was rich and elegant.

I'd wanted to impress him, so I got there a little late.

I'd wanted to make an entrance all by myself...

but nobody else was there.

I should have had sense enough then to get out, but I didn't.

He'd been drinking a long time before I got there, I guess, and he kept right on.

He told me that he hadn't invited anyone else...

and that the white orchid and all that was just his way of getting me up there.

I tried to talk my way out...

and then when that didn't work, I made a break for it.

I didn't scream.

I was too frightened, I guess.

I tried to get away from him, but I couldn't. He seemed to be everywhere.

It was all mixed up, like some terrible kind of a dream.

Once, I almost got away when he fell over a chair.

But he caught me again and dragged me back.

Then I pushed him as hard as I could, and he fell back through the window.

His apartment was on the 14th floor.

Mary...

how awful.

- Maybe I shouldn't have told you. - No, I'm glad you did.

But it's wrong. They shouldn't have sent you to prison.

If I'd been lucky enough to get away before he was killed...

then there wouldn't have been any crime.

But after all, a man was dead.

The jury said manslaughter.

Guilty.

Well, that meant six years.

Please forgive me, Mary.

Mary, see who that is, will you?

Hello?

Good morning, Zach.

If it's important, of course I can see you.

Do you want to come here?

I'd rather not. I hate to keep barging in on your uncle's house.

Mary, I want to talk to you about last night, and I need some time.

Well, I have the time, plenty of time.

Where do you want to meet?

I asked about here, and they say there's a bus that goes up to the lake.

It's pretty out there, and there aren't so many people.

- Not so bad, is it? - No.

I told you there was no use wasting any gas. It's only a short walk from here.

I know. You're trying to wear me out before we tee off. I got you.

Hi, Chuck, how've you been?

- Hi, swell day? - Fine.

It's so pretty.

- Hi. - Hello.

You born in this part of the country?

I was born in Maryland. You get used to Christmastime being cold and snowy.

This seems more like Christmas to me than the kind they have back east.

I mean, this is more like the country where they celebrated the first Christmas.

This reminds me of a lake I used to go to when I was a kid.

Every spring, I had a job repairing the boats.

Mary...

I want to tell you why I got mad at that man in the coffee shop last night...

and why I walked away after I threw that rock at the lamppost and missed it.

I knew there must be some reason, but you don't have to tell me.

Look, I was brought up in a home, an orphan's home.

That's nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm not. It's not like being in prison, or anything like that.

No.

In the home, there was a janitor.

This fellow had been in the last war. He was a young guy.

He was a shell shock case.

Whenever we could get our hands on any firecrackers, we'd bang them off...

and laugh at him when he jumped.

That fellow in the coffee shop reminded me of the janitor.

They both made me think of myself, and what I'd be like in a few years.

Only difference is that now in the hospital they have a fancy name for it:

neuropsychiatric.

The doctors must know more about it now than they did during the last war.

Maybe.

They don't know something about me that I know.

You see...

before I became an engineer...

I was an athlete, a pretty good one.

I know what my timing used to be, they don't.

And it's gone, Mary.

Before this happened to me, I could have hit that lamppost all day.

I don't know why I'm bothering you with all this.

Yes, I do. I know why I'm bothering you.

Because I feel so much better when I talk to you. I like to be with you.

I like to be with you, too.

Mary, I want to talk about you. Listen, tell me...

- What? - Well...

For instance, how did you become a traveling saleslady, and what do you sell?

As I told you, I started out wanting to be a model...

and after that...

I got a job with a dress manufacturing company...

and now I travel for them.

Where do you travel? After your vacation, where do you go?

I go back to Dallas, and from Dallas I go to New Orleans.

New Orleans? I've been there. It's a swell town.

You've been to New Orleans?

- Have you ever been to Florida? - No.

I go from New Orleans to Florida.

- New Orleans to Florida? - Palm Beach.

Mary, can you make me believe in myself the way you believe in yourself?

- What makes you think I do? - I can tell.

The way you talk, the way you walk...

the way you look, the way you hold your head.

Maybe that's just make-believe.

Why don't we go down here by the rock?

Like boats?

Do you?

Some kid probably owned that boat.

Thought it could take him all around the world and back.

Wish it could.

I wish we could get on it and sail away to...

Where would you like to go?

Not Florida or New Orleans.

Some place like the moon, maybe.

With a good breeze and a good compass, maybe we could find a place.

Well, if it were a real boat, and the moon a real place...

would you go?

There's no harm in dreaming. I'd go.

I'm not going to have you run out on me again.

Thank you, one and all.

I never could figure out why the pudding never gets burned.

I've never been able to, either. Must be the alcohol in the brandy.

I think.

I think it's a shame to burn a good brandy.

That quart I brought home last week was imported cognac.

Don't worry, Henry. I didn't burn up the whole quart.

I wouldn't trust Mom with it, Dad.

Maybe you're right. Remember last year, how Mom got going on a glass of sherry?

I'm not going to listen to that again.

You may not believe this about your dear Aunt Sarah...

but last year she got high as a kite.

If they're trying to drag out a family skeleton...

I won't listen to them.

It's just one of those little things that happen, people start exaggerating.

Exaggerate, my eye. It's as true as I sit here.

Last year, Mother and I had a glass of sherry to bring in the New Year.

And then we went to a little gathering. All the way across town it was.

And Mother had her skirt on backwards.

If you're in such good voice, how about a Christmas carol?

Aunt Sarah, something tells me you're trying to change the subject.

Nothing of the sort. Christmas carols go with plum pudding.

And we're eating plum pudding.

Sarah, you don't have to work so hard at it.

I'm a pretty good baritone, and I don't need much urging.

What'll it be?

I think I like best Come All Ye Faithful.

Fine. Come All Ye Faithful it is.

O come, all ye faithful

Joyful and triumphant

O come ye

O come ye to Bethlehem

Come and behold him

Born the King of angels

O come, let us adore him

O come, let us adore him

O come, let us adore him

Christ the Lord!

It feels pretty comfortable to have another man's voice around here at Christmastime.

I'm sure Barbara's doing her best to arrange that for you, Henry.

Mother.

Maybe family jokes are in bad taste.

- They make the guest feel out of place. - No, ma'am.

I haven't felt so easy in a long time.

This is the best Christmas dinner I ever had.

Yesterday I was a stranger here.

I mean, I felt like a prisoner inside myself.

Now...

just to be in a home like this with people like you...

maybe someplace I can come back to, next month, or next year...

- Did I say something? - No, Zach.

- It's just that Mary's sentimental or... - It's Christmas...

Mary, what's the matter?

Is it anything I said?

Anything to do with this afternoon?

No, it's just...

a combination of things.

The pudding, and the singing...

and the very nice things you said.

First time my singing ever brought anybody to tears.

Maybe I'd better get out of here.

It isn't polite to eat and run.

I mean Pinehill. I ought to leave you alone.

You're just fishing. You want me to ask you to stay.

Well, ask me.

Please, stay.

Sarah, this is silly. We can't just sit here all night.

They've got to have a couple of minutes to talk things over.

They've had a couple of minutes.

Come on, Dad. Let's go on in.

We'd better give them a warning first.

Well, that's all the plum pudding I can eat.

Can't eat another bit.

Let's play the radio.

Fine.

Come, darling.

It's present time.

Henry's going to act as Santa Claus. Come on.

- Here you are, Mother dear. - This is for you, dear.

Is that for me? Thank you, dear. Look at the size of it.

- Can I have one? - No, you can't have one.

I know what it is.

Henry, you darling, you did get it after all.

My goodness! Look what I got.

- Here you are, darling. - Thank you, Uncle Henry.

- Did Zach get his? - Zach.

- Thank you, Aunt Sarah. - I hope you like it, dear.

- Merry Christmas. - Thank you.

I understood, Mary.

When Zach said he was a stranger...

you felt as if the words were coming from your own lips.

Might have happened to any girl.

Could have been just Christmas sentiment. Good night, Mary.

- Good night, Uncle Henry. - Good night.

- Don't forget to turn out the lights, Sarah. - All right, dear.

So don't worry about making a scene.

I'm not worrying about that, Aunt Sarah.

I was just wondering if I shouldn't tell him about me.

- Not for the world. - You don't think so?

Well, why?

He trusts me...

and it doesn't seem fair.

There's no reason for it, Mary. He'll only be here for a few days.

He's lonely, and you're making things pleasant for him.

That's not the reason I'm seeing him, Aunt Sarah.

Because I like him.

I like him a lot.

Of course you do, dear, but it isn't as if you were gonna marry him.

No.

It isn't as though I was going to marry him.

I didn't mean it like that, dear.

I know.

Have fun, Mary. See Zach every day, if you like.

Act like any other girl.

I try, Aunt Sarah, but I...

I can't seem to make myself feel like any other girl.

I just feel like me.

And that's pretty darn good. Now you have fun.

Hey, you two. What's cooking?

Remember, Mary, I don't think so. Good night, dears.

Good night, Aunt Sarah.

She doesn't think so, what?

She doesn't think there really is a Santa Claus.

Mother, look. It just fits. I love it.

Do you think a long skirt?

It's for New Year's Eve. It has to be long.

Isn't it a little old for you, dear?

For Heaven's sake, I'm going out with a lieutenant.

Yes, I'm quite aware of the responsibility of the occasion...

- but that neckline. - So that's it.

For your information, mother, this neckline's a morale builder.

How would you like to try on this?

- That's lovely. - Yes, it's one of the best designs we have.

No, Mommy, please. I want this one.

All right, dear.

- It fits you perfectly. - It feels perfect, too. I'll be right back.

- You like this one, don't you, Mary? - It's lovely.

- Then you're going to have it. - No.

Now you listen to me, Mary.

You can't wear the same clothes every day. Your soldier boy's gonna get tired of them.

I've been fooling him well enough so far.

I've been wearing one blouse after another. I don't need a dress.

Zach's made a big thing of inviting us all to this New Year's Eve party.

You can't wear a suit.

I'll manage.

Henry and I have talked it over. We want you to have a dress.

Henry will be so disappointed if you don't accept it.

Darling, I'll only be able to wear it once. It'll be out of style in three years.

Then we'll burn it.

- Miss? - Yes.

- My niece would like to try on this dress. - It will be fine on you.

Go on, dear. Try it on.

Well, all right, I'll try it on.

- How about you, Mrs. Marshall? - Thank you, my lavender is still good.

Mother, it's just going to be swell. Thank you.

Now, you run along, pick up your father at the store.

Okay. Thanks again. You're so wonderful.

You know how impatient your father is. Now run along.

- How much is this dress? - $69.

Would you take the tag off, please?

Look, here's $30.

And when my aunt asks you the price, you tell her it's $39, instead of $69.

- It's a bargain. - Thank you.

Miss...

- how much was that dress? - $39.

I'll give you $20.

When I ask you again how much it was, you tell me it's $19.

- Do you like it? - It's darling on you.

- Isn't it sweet? - It was made for you.

Miss, how much is this dress?

$19.

That's a wonderful buy.

What are you laughing at?

- How do you like my dress? - Swell, isn't it?

Some hep chick, huh?

- Hello, Zach. Do come in. - Hello, Barbara.

- Don't you notice anything, Zach? - Where?

- About me. - Got on too much lipstick again.

- Hello, Zach. - Hello, Mr. Marshall.

Lt. Bruce, this is Sgt. Morgan.

- Hello, Lieutenant. - How do you do?

Isn't a sergeant supposed to salute a lieutenant?

Only on the street. Anyhow, from the decorations the Sergeant's wearing...

I ought to do the saluting.

That's not what it says in the book.

- My coat, Lieutenant. - Sure, Your Majesty.

Henry, are you ready?

No, Sarah, I'm down here in my bathrobe, working on this puzzle.

Don't be impatient, dear. We'll be right down.

- Fine. - Good night, Pa.

Good night, baby. Take care of her, Lieutenant.

Why does everybody treat me like a child? I can take care of myself.

We won't be late. Good night, Mr. Marshall.

Good night, sir... Sergeant.

Good night, sir.

Here's a nice big piece of sky for you, Mr. Marshall.

Henry, get your hat. We're ready.

Well, let's get going, Zach, before they change their minds.

Got my bag, and my gloves, and my purse, and...

Sarah. Now where is she?

- Sarah, are we going, or... - Henry, you left the scullery light on.

Mrs. Marshall, this is for you. I hope you like camellias.

This is for you, Mary. I hope you like white orchids.

Thank you, Zach. I haven't had a corsage in years.

- Henry, did you lock the kitchen door? - Let's go, Sarah.

There's some mistake.

I knew I'd do it.

That's what happens when a man gets mixed up in things he shouldn't.

The orchids are for you, Mary.

That's all right, Aunt Sarah.

Sarah, are we going tonight?

The camellias were promised to me, and I'm going to have them.

- It really doesn't matter. - These were intended for you.

Sarah.

Darling, just give me a minute. Look at that.

- We're gonna be late. - Flowers make you feel so like a party.

- Wasn't that sweet of Zach? - Sarah!

Oh Henry.

You're always so impatient. Have you got the key?

Never mind.

Tell me, Johnny, are you sure it's all right for a girl to go into the YMCA?

Change your partners, do-Si-do.

- Fine. - Fine, fine.

I don't know how it is, but every year at New Year's, I get so excited and...

- sort of upset. - I know what you mean.

It's like being in on something big, something important.

That's it exactly.

Back to your partners, with a right and left grand.

- Thank you. - Thanks, Mary, that was...

- Thank you, Uncle Henry. - Swell.

I'll be seeing you

In every lovely summer's day

In everything that's light and gay

I'll always think of you

Two weeks ago, if somebody had told me I'd be dancing...

with a girl like you, know what I'd have said?

What would you have said?

I'd have said that I wouldn't be dancing with a girl like you.

I'll be looking at the moon

But I'll be seeing you

- Cutting in. Hello, Mary. - Hello.

Maybe you don't recognize me in the outfit Uncle Sam gave me.

- I'm sorry, I don't. - Charlie Hartman, Accounting Department.

Yes, I'm terribly sorry. I'd forgotten.

This is Sgt. Morgan. This is Charlie Hartman.

How about a dance?

Boy, am I surprised to see you, Mary.

I didn't think you were trying to give me the brush. What happened?

- I thought you were still... - Well, I am.

- They gave me a 10-day Christmas vacation. - Good. You gonna be around?

Yes.

Charlie, the fellow I'm with...

he doesn't know about me, and I'd appreciate it very much...

you know, if you wouldn't...

Sure, Mary. Forget it.

Thanks, Charlie.

Wait a minute, Mary. Excuse me, could I have a light, please?

Here, Sergeant. Have a cigar.

- Thank you, sir. - You've been in the South Pacific?

Yes, sir.

Just the kind of man we want to talk to.

Let me introduce myself. I'm Senator Hugh D. Emmett.

- How do you do, sir? - This is my friend, John Tombes.

Glad to know you, Sergeant.

Executive chairman of the committee that raised the funds for this party.

- Thank you, sir. - Sergeant...

we would like to get the point of view of the soldiers about several things.

- Soldiers? - Yes.

We would like to know from you what the soldier thinks.

- Thinks about what? - Thinks about political issues.

Senator, I don't know.

What gives you the idea that because a fellow puts on a soldier's suit...

he thinks any differently from anybody else?

What does the soldier think?

I tell you...

last time some of us voted for Roosevelt, and some of us didn't.

Some of us weren't old enough to vote.

Some soldiers think labor's got a right to strike...

and some soldiers think labor's got no rights at all.

A lot of soldiers have got one idea about what should happen after the war.

A lot of soldiers have other ideas.

Me? I haven't the slightest notion what a lot of soldiers think.

Senator, thanks for the cigar.

Unless somebody gypped me with this watch 15 years ago...

it's New Year's.

We've got to find Mary and Zach. Excuse us.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And days of auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear

For auld lang syne

We'll take a cup o' kindness yet

For auld lang syne

Happy New Year.

What was that, that that poet said about the deep-throated dog?

- He's just barking in the New Year. - That's not what he said.

I didn't mean that.

Do you believe that saying, a barking dog never bites?

I believe anything you say.

The thing about a dog is...

you must never let him know you're afraid of him. That makes him angry.

You've got to treat him like an old friend. Here, boy.

See what I mean? I'd hate to run into him in a dark alley.

What do you think this is?

Zach!

Stay away, Mary. Stay away.

Duke!

- Are you hurt? - No.

- No, but he could have been. - I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

- You know something? - What?

The doctors are gonna be very surprised when they see you.

They'll probably send you back to active duty.

That lemonade must have been spiked.

No, I really mean it. Do you realize what you did tonight?

- You couldn't have done that a week ago. - Why?

I've watched you all evening.

When you were dancing, you never hesitated for words...

and your eyes didn't blink.

And then when that dog attacked us, I've never seen anyone so fast on their feet.

- I didn't think about what I was doing. - Exactly. You were so alert and keen.

And your timing was perfect.

I hope you're right. I believe you are.

Mary, you told me that in eight days you can do a lot of believing.

You see, I'm the fellow that's on the radio that says:

- "Life can be wonderful." - You're wonderful.

You're saying that because I've got lots of money.

You're wonderful.

Because you know I've got very influential friends.

Because of my social position.

Mary, I know I'm going to get well.

I've got plans, too, lots of them.

I know I'm going to stay well, too, because you figure in all my plans.

You've got to figure in them because...

without you, I'm back where I started. I'm sunk.

Let's don't talk about it tonight. I'm kind of sleepy.

Okay.

Tomorrow, before I go, I've got a lot of things to tell you.

Good night, Zach.

Happy New Year.

I love you very much.

Is that you, Mary?

Are you all right?

Aunt Sarah, I love him so.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

He's going to ask me to marry him. He would've asked me tonight if I'd let him.

- Did you tell him? - No.

Are you going back on the train with him tomorrow?

No. I'm going to catch a later train tomorrow night.

Why don't you give yourself that extra time with him, Mary?

Because I'm afraid to be alone with him. I mustn't tell him.

I lied to him, I told him I was going to stay here a couple of extra days.

Don't you think he's strong enough yet to know about you?

I can't take that chance, Aunt Sarah. He's getting well.

And I want him to go back to the hospital sure of himself...

and sure of me.

Remember, what you have to do may seem to be second best...

but it may work out to be first best.

Aunt Sarah, I hope so.

Happy New Year, Mr. Lincoln.

Happy New Year, Zach.

May I have this dance with you, Sergeant?

Happy New Year.

Hold on, Zach. Hold on.

You're just a little tired, that's all.

There was a lot of excitement. That fight with the dog took a lot out of you.

That's why you're sweating. It doesn't mean anything.

Sit down, Zach, sit down.

That's it. Sit down, take it easy.

Don't get scared, Zach.

Maybe it is one of those things. They told you it might happen.

Hang on, Zach, hang on.

You know what you're going to have to go through.

It's sure banging away. It doesn't sound that loud.

You're just thinking it does, that's all.

The doc told you there's nothing wrong with your heart.

Beating fast like that doesn't mean anything.

This is it. You thought for a minute it wasn't, but it is.

You're in for it now.

You know the next step. You know what's coming now.

It's tough to get hold of yourself, Zach.

Better call for a doctor and let him get the hypo ready, or maybe a tub.

Zach.

Zach, you've got eight days to believe.

Eight days. You must believe.

I made it.

Barbara!

Barbara, that's awful stuff for a man to wake up to!

How can you stand it so early in the morning?

Dad, it's beautiful music, a lovely day, and a wonderful New Year.

That's the trouble with young people.

They're so doggone young.

There you are. I was beginning to think I'd have to bring breakfast to you in bed.

It's not a bad idea, Sarah. I might try it sometime.

That was the best part of having my appendix out.

- Please, Henry. One egg or two? - Three. I'm hungry.

- Good morning, Mr. Marshall. - Hello, Zach. Happy New Year.

- Come on in. - Had a good time last night?

Fine. Best party I've been to since last New Year.

- Have you had your breakfast yet? - Yes, sir. Early.

Here's the paper. Make yourself at home. Be with you in a minute.

Drive you down to the station. Hope you enjoy Barbara's melodious concert.

- Who were you babbling to? - Zach.

Good morning, Mary.

- Good morning, Zach. - Good morning, Mrs. Marshall.

- Hello, Mary. - Hello, Zach.

I was just fixing some sandwiches for you to take with you.

Shouldn't you get ready to go down to the station?

Yes, I'll go get my hat and things. I'll be back in just a minute.

Mary's fixing up a little box lunch for you. I want a string to tie it up with.

It's difficult to get anything to eat on the train.

- Very nice of you. - Hello, Sergeant. Happy New Year.

- Happy New Year. How was your party? - Solid.

- You going back to active duty, Zach? - Not for a while yet.

You look a lot better than you did a week ago.

- Feel a lot better. - Was it the Marshall food that did it?

Must've helped. I think it was mostly your cousin Mary.

She's awfully nice.

I've noticed that, too.

You know what? I think I'll marry her.

- Are you kidding? - Not as far as I'm concerned.

- Of course, I don't know about her yet. - Won't you mind waiting?

That's up to Mary, really.

Things have worked out so well, I may not have to wait as long as I thought.

That's what the folks have always hoped for...

that she won't have to serve her full term now.

But the fact that they let her out of prison for Christmas is a pretty good sign.

You know, it wasn't until the other night, when she told me how it all happened...

that I realized it really isn't her fault.

She's not a criminal. I mean, not like real criminals.

It's too bad that you two can't go back on the train together.

But then, Mary isn't due in Easton until 9:00 tonight.

She wants to spend as much time with us as she can.

You can't blame her, after being locked up for three years.

Come on, Zach. We're gonna be late. Mary?

Goodbye, Zach. Have a nice trip, and come back real soon.

I hate to say goodbye, Zach.

- Come on. We're gonna be late. - Thank you again, Mrs. Marshall.

Good luck.

Have you got the box? I'll get it.

I hope you like chicken sandwiches.

Zach, is there any special address...

or do I write to you in care of the hospital at Easton?

Yeah, care of the hospital.

You can write to me in care of Uncle Henry's address.

They'll forward it to wherever I happen to be.

Because I won't know what hotels I'll be able to stop at.

I understand.

Board!

- Goodbye, Mary. - Goodbye, Zach. Here.

Thank you.

- Zach, will you write to me? - Sure. I'll write.

Zach, what's the matter? What's wrong?

- Board! - Nothing. Bye, Mary.

- Bye, Zach. Goodbye. - Bye.

What's the matter with Zach, Mary? He acted kind of strange.

I think I know.

- Mother. - Look out, don't break any of those globes.

Mother, if you'd been in Mary's place...

wouldn't you have gone along with Zach?

Never mind, dear. Don't ask so many questions.

As long as Zach's willing to wait for Mary...

- till she gets out of prison, I... - Prison? Barbara!

- You didn't tell him? - Wasn't Zach supposed to know?

No.

Why didn't anybody tell me? Why didn't you tell me, Mother?

I'm sorry, dear. I should have told you.

Mary's always treated me like a grownup.

I didn't want to hurt her.

I've done something terrible.

Mary, I told him.

I didn't want to hurt you.

I didn't know.

I told him.

We're so sorry.

Mary, I'm so ashamed.

Please, forgive me.

I love you, Mary.

I wouldn't want to hurt you, not for anything.

I understand something...

I understand something now that I never knew before...

that you can make a mistake, do something dreadful...

without meaning to.

Mary.

It's all right, Barbara.

Mary, I didn't want to make you cry.

There's nothing wrong with crying at a time like this.

The minute I got on the train, I knew why you didn't tell me.

Nothing matters, except that you're here.

I'm terribly ashamed of walking out like that.

I need you, Mary.

I want to feel that you need me.

I do.

I'll be right here.

I'll be right here waiting. I'll be all well by then.

Ready to make a new start, too.

Zach, I love you so much.

Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to the afternoon "One Dollar Movie".

I'm your host, Bob Downs. But, of course, you know that. Ha!

And today we have a cinema classic for you.

"The Return of the Killer Tomatoes"

Sounds like a real winner, doesn't it?

Now, some lucky viewer today, if they know the secret word,

will have a chance to win our "Pot o' Gold" jackpot

which, today, is up to...

...9 dollars and 22 cents.

Wow! And all you have to do to win is know our secret word when I call.

It's a common household word. One used all the time.

And our secret word today is...

..."the". OK now, on with "the" show.

OK, let's all get comfy now.

Are you comfy? Good. Roll them, Sid.

# It's a big chill life when you're out of school

# You don't have to dress up and it's OK for you to drool

# Gonna jump in my woody, gonna play my guitar

# And take my socks off

# Like poetry in motion Like a perfect wave

# Gonna ride with the wind Spend the money I save

# 'Cause summer's here and I got nothing to do

# But get my rocks off

# When those big-breasted girls go to the beach #

'Hey, Sid, is this the right flick?

'We're supposed to be showing something called

"'Return of the Killer Tomatoes".'

'Yeah, but I like this one better.'

'Yeah, me too.

'But we showed it three times last week.'

'OK.'

Glove!

Earplugs!

Quarter.

Quarter!

Quarter.

Success! This time we shall not fail!

# Return of the killer tomatoes

# Return of the killer tomatoes

# The theme song still remains the same The plot itself has hardly changed

# A guaranteed bet for fortune and fame!

# Tomatoes! Tomatoes!

# Remember Herman Farbage

# Who was taking out the garbage

# It seems he wasn't killed at all

# He fought tomatoes to a stall

# His TV show premieres this fall

# Tomatoes! Tomatoes! Tomatoes!

# We have no mighty shoguns

# No flying spaceships or explosions

# No James Bond cars or Top Gun jets Or real expensive fancy sets

# But a deal we've cut for vid-cassettes

# Oh, we made an offer he couldn't refuse.

# Sit back as now the show starts

# Part two of only two parts

# But if this film does well, you see We're sure you know predictably

# It won't be long until part three #

Hi, Tara, I brought your pizza.

One pepperoni, extra cheese and boysenberry sauce.

Well... enjoy.

Say, what do you and the professor do up here, if you don't mind me asking.

The professor continues his research in gene-splicing,

just as he did at the university.

So, do you ever come to town? I never see you. Or him.

But especially, I never see you.

You know. Well, um, so, I guess then, you are doing research too.

Are you his daughter? Or what?

I'm his lover. I also cook and clean.

They are gardeners and carpenters. They are not tomato-men.

OK, well, um...

...just remember, Finletters, for all your pizza needs.

'US customs officials report that tomato smuggling is at its highest level

'since the Great Tomato War.

'We were there, at the border, this afternoon,

'when customs officials busted this car.

'Officials say that most of those arrested

'with the illegal vegetables are young people.

'They speculate that, growing up in the years since the Great Tomato War,

'this new generation has no fear of the potential danger involved.

'It is a danger I remember well...'

Turn the damn channel, will you?

There's got to be something better than this.

- Want me to change the channel? - Yeah.

'This is "Full Contact America's Cup" Yacht racing.

'Welcome to the smorgasbord of sports, and day 296

'of the most exciting event in the world. It's the United States versus England.

'A rematch of a great rivalry going back some 200 years.

'Today, both boats are being severely tested, as both...'

- '...the youth of America.' - Come on!

'And as it is with other illegal substances, the youth...'

'...it's going to be close...'

'...they never seem to learn. Remember, just say...'

'There's a frontside. Direct hit, you've got to love it.

'To one of society's...'

Come on, look, who cares about tomatoes?

Listen, son. You weren't there.

We let them sneak in now and, who knows what it'll lead to.

- Not again. - Back so soon? Strike out already?

I can barely get anything out of her besides her name.

Would you believe that she's old Gangreen's girlfriend?

That old looney tune's got a girlfriend?

What? Chad, you got a girlfriend?

No, not me, Uncle Wilbur. Gangreen, that nut on the hill.

Oh, Gangreen. Bad apple. Never did trust that fella.

You know, a lot of people thought he must have had more to do

with the Great Tomato uprising that never came out.

Nothing ever proven though.

But that was a long time ago, boys. Things were different then.

Tomatoes were legal. You could find them everywhere.

Hey, Chad, there he goes again.

Sometimes I sure miss pizza with tomato sauce.

All right, one medium coconut with anchovies and strawberry jam.

Right here. On you.

I remember that first day they moved into the fields.

Nobody really took it seriously then, but before long they were in the suburbs,

then into the inner-cities.

Television stations began to cover, the media made a big deal.

At first people ignored it, then they got scared.

You should have seen it.

But some of us were there. We held the line.

'I remember the day we lost Arkansas.

'Before you knew it, the war was raging from coast to coast.

'Seattle fell. Then Boston.

'Los Angeles. And Baltimore.

'Soon they even reached New York city itself.

'They hit us every way imaginable. On land, underwater, even in the air.

'It got so bad, even the mere mention of the word caused panic.'

Tomato.

'Someone was behind all this. But who?

'Uncle Sam assembled a crack team to find out.

'There was Greg Colburn, my old buddy, an intrepid underwater expert.

'Sam Smith, master of disguise.

'And, of course, yours truly, Lieutenant Wilbur Finletter.

'You see, the key was music.

'Music made them grow. Only music could make them shrink.

'But not just any music. Oh no. One song in particular.

"'Puberty Love". The worse song ever recorded.'

Turn on the record player.

'When we blasted it over the stadium loudspeaker

'nothing ever sounded so wonderfully awful.

'With the shrinking tomatoes in full retreat,

'I ordered the charge. And the rest, as they say, is history.'

'Hello. "One Dollar Movie".

'Is this a new movie or "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"?

'Looks like they threw a lot of old scenes together to save money.

- 'Only an idiot...' - 'Wrong number.'

'I guess sometimes this all sounds like an old movie.

'But we squashed the tomatoes and captured the mastermind...

'Jim Richardson.

'The Press Secretary to the President of the United States himself.

'But Richardson will be behind bars for a long, long time.

'And we owe it all to a handful of brave souls,

'and a catchy little tune called "Puberty Love".'

"Puberty Love".

"Puberty Love"!

It was a fluke, a one in a million shot.

Who would have thought that one horrible song

would shrink those giant tomatoes I worked so hard to create.

This time, music will be our victory. Not our defeat.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

Idiot!

You've hurt Larry. You will never know what it is to love or be loved.

Emotions are for people, not vegetables.

Igor, come!

Sir, it is my pleasure to respond to your immediate needs.

- I'd just like to say that I... - Listen to me, pretty boy.

I know you're hanging around until something opens up in the TV news field.

But it just does not look right for a noted misanthrope of my stature

to have a servant who looks like you.

I'm sorry, sir, I mean, master.

I realise I'm somewhat of a disappointment to you.

How's this?

Oh, come on.

Igor!

Oh, cut that out!

Mutant! No telling how it could affect the transformation process.

- Get rid of it. - OK.

So long, sponge-face.

Oh, he is so sexy.

- Can you believe it? - I know.

Can you prove to me that you're 18?

No, I don't want you... Thank you.

- I had a heck of a time finding you here. - I told you I'd be at the shoe store.

OK, ladies, now what we need is your name,

your phone number, your address and a picture.

Please, do not forget the picture. Thank you.

What the hell are you doing?

- You want to blow my science project? - What science project?

Running a scam contest?

What are these girls gonna do when they find out there's no winner?

Oh, no problem. You see, I graciously invite them out to dinner

and then I present them with the second place price.

- It's me. - Spare me. I give up.

Listen, Uncle Wilbur wants us to work tonight.

Yeah... er, no, can't do it tonight. Listen!

See that's Nancy over there, and she's looking to bribe the judge.

- You? - Yeah, that's me.

- I figured. Thanks a lot, pal. - You think your buddy, your pal,

- your roommate here... - Schmuck.

- Think I'll leave you out in the cold? - Yes.

No, all right. Well, how about, see those over there? That's Tiffany.

- Room for another judge. - No thanks.

- If I want a girl I don't need your help. - OK. All right, suit yourself.

Ladies, did I mention the Playboy centrefold opportunity?

Don't worry, little brother, I'll protect you.

I don't mind that you're a fuzzy tomato.

Fuzzy tomato. FT. That will be your name. FT.

Chad Finletter, Zen master of the fine art of pizza building,

will attempt the ultimate pizza.

He calls upon the muses for inspiration. And begins...

Anchovies, yes. Of course.

Raisinettes. Gummy bears, why not.

Kiwi.

They laughed at me in Vienna, but now, the final master stroke...

...a dab of peanut butter.

I wonder what these things tasted like with tomato sauce?

Ah! Of course, marshmellows.

I was just fooling...

You surprised me.

- Do you want to make love? - Do I want to?

Just a minute. I'm a little thirsty.

- What did you say? - Do you want to make love?

Maybe you'd better sit down.

Here, just have a seat. You look a little tired?

- Would you rather I cleaned up? - No, that's fine. I'll do that later.

- You see, I work here. - You wish sex now?

Yes... No. Let me get you a towel.

Quiet, FT.

Here we go. Before you get a chill. I'll let you do that.

So... did you maybe fall down...

...and bump your head, hard?

You know, maybe did your mother drop you when you were a baby?

- You speak much English? - I speak perfect English.

I also cook 815 international dishes,

perform 637 sexual acts, and use all the popular home appliances.

- Shall I cook you something? - No, thank you.

How about a blow job. Maybe iron your pants?

No!

Let's talk about something else.

The weather. How's the weather?

Wet, I guess.

Rain and all that. Not exactly a primo night for a stroll.

You know what I mean? So why are you here?

I ran away. You're the only person I know, so I came here.

Ran away? Why, did he hurt you?

Tired. Cold.

Is this your place of dwelling?

Dwelling? You mean, house?

Here? No, I don't live here. It's a pizza place.

I have an apartment.

Good. Then we'll go there. Take me.

Take me... Yes.

You're very assertive, you know. But I like that.

I don't know how I'm going to explain this to Matt.

# Oh Susannah, well, don't you cry for me

# 'Cause I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee

# I do not know the rest of the words to the song

# I think I'll make them up

# I'm going to my place and wake my best friend up #

Buddy, I'm home.

Chad, buddy, you should have seen me last night.

I was incredible.

I've got to tell you. This girl, she's nice and everything,

but kind of a weird duck, you know.

She's studying to be a flight attendant. I mean, come on,

it's like studying to be a meter maid. You just are.

Towel, please.

Chad!

Buddy, listen, now talk fast, because I know that's not your mother out there.

Never put bananas and raisinettes on the same pizza.

You would not believe the weird dream I had last night.

If it's got anything to do with the babe in the bathroom,

who's going into the kitchen right now, I haven't the slightest...

What, she's real? She's here?

- Who is she? - Don't ask me. I ate right last night.

- What do I do? - That depends on what you've done.

- So think. What happened last night? - I went to the pizza place.

I made a pizza. It started to rain.

Tara showed up and wanted to make love...

- The girl from the professor's, right? - That's her?

That's Tara? That's great! That's...

You see what's happening? Part of me is rubbing off on you.

- Introduce me to your girlfriend. - I don't think that's such a good idea.

You can't pretend that she doesn't exist. You should have thought of that before.

It's the hazards of the trade.

You never go home with someone in the dark,

that you don't want to see in the light.

It's OK, because she looks good. She looks very good. Yes.

No, that's not what I mean. There's something strange about her.

- She doesn't seem quite all there. - I saw nothing missing.

Hi. I'm Matt Stevens. I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss Tara.

Greetings, Matt Stevens. Shall I cook you breakfast?

Breakfast, that would be great.

- Good morning. - Greetings, Chad.

- Would you like breakfast, as well? - Sure.

Did you enjoy the sex?

- Sure. - It was my pleasure.

I wish to know more about your pizza business.

Using extensive marketing surveys and cost ratio analysis

it is possible to significantly improve the productivity

and therefore increase the profit margin. Shall we discuss this at breakfast?

- Sure. - Good.

Then I'll cook toast, eggs, bacon, toast, waffles and toast.

Hey, swell.

See what I mean?

I see a beautiful woman making us breakfast.

- We should be this lucky every day. - Yeah, but I...

Chad... she's sexy, she's smart, she cooks, she cleans.

- I think you found the perfect woman. - Yeah?

- So why don't you get dressed. - OK.

Shh, quiet!

Oh, FT!

Oh, no.

I'm telling you, she's a real cloud jockey.

If I were you I'd...

Laughing? Let me show you something.

OK.

So she's a little organic.

Tara! Where is that woman?

Tara!

Tara!

Igor!

The crash left a grisly carnage of bodies

strewn throughout the neighbourhood, hanging in trees, blood dripping.

Sir, do you recognise any of the victims?

- Mummy. - Tough break, kid.

- Stop clowning around. - Sorry, sir, we were just practising.

Tara is missing. I have worked for days, weeks, months, years,

minutes, seconds, to create the perfect woman.

I cannot afford to have my work fall into the wrong hands.

Nobody cooks toast like that girl. Go! Find her.

Missing. Is this from a reliable source?

Of course it's from a reliable source. You blonde-headed boob.

- Now, go, get the truck. - You mean the KIGR news van?

- I don't care what you call it. Go! - No problem.

And don't forget my regular pickup of formula.

I need it for my experiments.

Experiments will continue. Formula at 11:00.

Will you be my friend?

# Call the police

# Call the FBI

# Your love has disappeared

# And I don't know why I can't feel it in your kiss

# I can't see it in your eyes

# I just got to know the truth

# So don't tell me any lies

# Who did it?

# Who did it? #

- Business? - Regular trash pickup.

OK.

# It's a crime in the first degree

# Who did it?

# Got to solve the mystery

# Got to know who could it be

# Who did it? #

Ah!

Aargh!

Show a little respect.

Is everything set?

The teleprompter's cued and the cameras are white balanced.

What?

The teleprompter's cued and the cameras are white balanced.

I know what you said. What do you mean?

'The Poindexter party to the first tee, please.

'Poindexter to the first tee.'

What I mean is, we'll be here Thursday night as planned.

Thursday?

Thursday.

Perfect! Ha-ha!

They'll never stop us this time.

This is domestic.

# Here we are

# The two of us together all alone

# It doesn't matter whether you and I were meant to be

# Just we two

# We come from different worlds

# And yet our love has grown, a love that the world has yet to taste

# Boy, am I glad you're not tomato paste

# So touch me there

# You know I like it when you touch me there

# Who would ever think that in this big crazy world

# You'd ever fall in love with me

# Tenderly

# Like a child without a care

# Touch me there #

- Wait, where are we going? - I don't know.

- I had to get you out of there. - But why? Sex is good. Sex is normal.

- But whips and handcuffs are kinky. - Kinky? What's kinky?

That's kinky. Did you see that thing...?

- Look, a store! - Oh, please, no more toasters...

Slow down.

I noticed your house plants seemed a bit undernourished.

- Oh, these are yummy. - Yummy?

For plants.

Wait, hold on.

...check this new stuff out.

It's better than last week's stuff you showed me?

This is the best. Revolutionary.

Are you sure this is the good stuff?

Trust me.

Don't give me no "Joe Carcione" routine here.

This is some of the finest. Acapulco red.

Check it out.

Allow me.

OK, I'll take it.

Hey, pleasure doing business with you.

Tomatoes! Did you see that? That guy's a smuggler!

We've got to call the police or the FBI or somebody.

- Over a few tomatoes? - They're illegal.

If this keeps up we'll all be up to our necks...

- Valerian root powder. - What?

Valerian root powder.

War stories. What do you really know about tomatoes anyway?

How would you feel if you'd been raised to be eaten?

Wouldn't you rebel at the first opportunity?

What are you talking about?

Honey, you can't possibly be defending those monsters.

They nearly destroyed my uncle and everything else in this country.

No way I'm gonna defend tomatoes.

Cheap talk from a carnivore.

Let go!

Look, I'm sorry I spouted off at you.

I guess Uncle Wilbur has been getting to me.

You've got to reject the older generation thinking, Chad.

New ideas for a new generation.

You can't keep fighting the wars over and over for them.

Welcome to Le Restaurant, the finest in nouvelle California cuisine.

We offer three specials today for your dining enjoyment.

First, baby peas in a piquant white wine sauce.

We also feature a broiled oyster in a bed of wild oats.

Thirdly, a succulent cut of the finest organically mountain-grown turnips

with fresh sprigs of parsley,

delicately seasoned with sea salt and bean sprouts.

Fine. Two turnips.

Don't you have any red meat? I don't eat vegetables.

How about a chili dog?

- Fine. - Very good, ma'am.

May I suggest something from the bar while you're waiting.

I recommend the diet celery juice cooler.

Whatever. Great.

Think about what I said, Chad.

Don't let someone else tell you what to fear, or what to feel.

Look, there's not a person in here who would have acted any differently.

Tomatoes are evil. A good tomato is a squashed tomato.

Period.

Great. Beautiful.

What is with you?

No!

A tomato!

A tomato!

What's going on?

- Fire drill? - Oh.

Well, come on, let's go.

She was screaming something about tomatoes.

Yeah?

The red convertible.

The garbage truck.

Mrs Williams, please be calm. There's nothing to be afraid of.

OK, let's go ahead and turn on the light there, Jerry.

Ma'am, this will just take a second. Here we go. Are you ready?

Please bear with us. In three, two... and one.

Ma'am, just calm down and tell us what you saw in there?

Well, I was eating dinner. It was terrible.

Let's save the restaurant review, lady, just tell us about the tomato.

I was sitting there by myself and this...

Wait, wait a minute. You were alone?

- What? Yes. - What's the matter?

You couldn't get a date? What about your husband?

- He... He's dead. - What was it, suicide maybe?

No, he was killed in the Great Tomato War!

Ma'am, that's ancient history.

You should have found somebody by now.

- I can't see what this had to do with... - You can't see your feet.

Do the words "fat cow" mean anything to you?

Get away from me! Get away.

This woman is obviously too distraught to talk to our television camera.

I will attempt to find someone else.

Hey, you with the big nose. That's right, you?

How would you like to be on television with Charles White?

Someday that'll be me.

Have a nice evening.

That's not mine!

Hey, lady, has there been a chase scene in this movie yet?

No. And it's already 25 minutes old.

Good.

Well, that's the shortest chase I've ever seen.

Low budget movie.

'It's 7:45 and time for this morning's farm report,

'brought to you by Kimco.

'Remember, it's Kimco for all your agricultural needs.

'First, a quick look at the commodities' board shows...'

What did you want to talk to me about?

Listen, buddy, it's about your girlfriend.

It's cool that she's staying here and all that, but...

But what?

You see... Give me that! You see that?

That's a 2,000 dollar stereo system. She won't let me use it.

She hates music. She hates all kinds of music.

She hates Mozart and Sinatra and The Grateful Dead.

Now come on, who hates The Grateful Dead?

She loves the farm report.

She tapes the farm report. She plays it again and again and again.

OK, I'll talk to her.

'...hailstorms being the major culprit.

'Coupled with reports that the Soviet crop looks unusually good this year...'

635 sexual positions?

That's what she says anyway.

Well, it's definitely a learning experience.

Last night she brought in... a lawn chair...

six milk bottles, a tuning fork, and...

FT!

'Dr Heinrich Gerhard contends that California is ideal

'for all kinds of nuts and fruits.'

FT! FT!

Wait!

Tomato!

Tomato! Kill it!

- Tomato lover! - Get those tomato lovers!

Stripteasers, topless dancers, nude beaches, women taking showers.

Good or bad?

We begin a 15-part investigative report

starting next Monday here on Channel 6.

And let me tell you, the store...

What the heck? Let's get some shots of this.

Hey, wait up! Where are they?

- Who cares. - I care. What is that?

- FT. - FT? What's that?

- It's red. It's a gerbil. - It's not a gerbil.

The eyes! Eyes!

Why can't I get the eyes right?

Every time the ears are perfect. The mouth perfect.

The eyes are never right!

- Professor Gangreen... - What?

Sorry to interrupt, sir, but I found Tara.

What? Are you sure it was she?

Yes, sir. Corner of Fifth and Evergreen. I was there live at the scene.

You know, if I had my own mini-cam, I could really...

Shut up! Follow her. Find out where she's living.

We must get her back. We cannot afford to attract attention.

Be discreet.

So let it be written. So let it be done.

I wonder if I can remember how to do those brain transplants.

Wait, are you nuts? That's a tomato!

He's not a tomato. It's just a fuzzy little dog.

Dog? That's no dog! What dog has red fur and only two legs?

Well, what tomato has red fur and any legs at all?

Cut it! Cut it! Save the film, strike the broads, kill the babies!

My friends, I am sorry, but it looks like we are out of money for this picture.

If we don't raise some bucks fast this film is history. I'm sorry about that.