Original subtitles

That first night, we watched Trainspotting.

She said she hadn't seen it,

and I was, like, "How could you not have seen that film?

It's the story of your people." And she was, like,

"That's Scotland, you dumb fuck."

And you know that scene, where the baby's crawling on the ceiling,

and it slowly turns its head around?

It was during that scene that I knew I had feelings for her.

Now every time we have sex,

she can't climax unless that scene's playing.

No, that's not true.

That's Sadie being an asshole, and shitting on a nice memory.

When did the professional partnership start?

Well, I pitched the idea for mine that first night.

But then we didn't get together for another three years,

but the idea stuck with me.

So, once Shazam came out, I knew it would be easier to pitch,

you know, Shazam for clothes, so...

Yeah.

It's insane that we're launching in a few months

and we've been talking about this for, like,13 years.

Sorry to interrupt.

Will you forward Jacob's e-mail and tell them I'll return by end of day?

- Sure. - Thanks, Hye Me.

God, she's so fucking cool.

I love her hairdo.

Can I ask you,

do you have any plans to start a family?

- Of course. - Here we go...

I feel if we were men, you wouldn't be asking that question.

You think you can get away with murder cos you're so fucking pretty?

Uh...

We do want kids, we are waiting to launch this baby first.

And who's going to carry it?

Oh, uh, definitely Leila, I...

I couldn't do it, it'd be like Arnold Schwarzenegger

in that film Junior.

And if we are going to use my eggs for our first, then my age

is going to be an issue.

Yeah, but if I'm going through the bullshit

of childbirth, that kid's going to have my old nose!

I'm just kidding.

What's it's like being women in such a male-dominated business?

Do we have to answer that question?

I genuinely think it's a really stupid question.

We've talked about kids and marriage.

We talked about it, you know, abstractly.

We also talk about euthanasia.

You are the person I want to be with.

How can you be so sure?

Marry me.

I am not going to marry you in the fucking toilet.

I'm being serious.

Will you marry me?

Leila, put your hand on top of Sadie's hand on the mouse.

Oh, that's so fantastic,

That's great, yeah.

Normal day at work.

Put your fist on your chin,

like you're both that statue, The Thinker.

Oh, yes, that's perfect.

OK, Sadie, cradle Leila in your arms, like she's your child.

Oh, yeah. Oh...

You look so good.

That's fantastic.

Erm, kiss?

Eyes to camera.

Big smile, smile it up.

Yes, that's it.

Don't go.

It'll only be a few months.

Is this you having a nervous breakdown?

You're not going to start writing on the wall in faeces, are you?

I read somewhere that this is a really good thing to do

when you're upset.

It gets your heart rate up.

Is it working?

No.

You will tell me if you sleep with somebody else?

Do you really want to know?

Right...

I'm really sorry I'm fucking everything up.

If you're going to go, just go.

She's totally on board.

She thinks it's a really good idea.

Like, she hasn't said that verbally, but I can tell.

And we're in a really good place, and, um...

I don't know, you can still love and support each other

and be on a break, you know?

Only a lesbian would say that.

Yeah, cos only a lesbian would be capable of it.

Sorry, what I meant was,

only a lesbian would be so full of her own shit

that she would say that and believe it to be true.

Do you think I'm doing the wrong thing, with Sadie?

I love these talks we have.

How the fuck am I supposed to know

if you're doing the right thing or not? You haven't told me anything.

There's nothing to say.

She wants to get married.

We're in different places.

How long is the break?

I don't know, a few months?

So what are you going to do for sex?

Meh...

I don't know, sex is complicated.

How?

Like...

like, you strategise how you're going to get it,

and then you anticipate it, and then once it's finally happening,

don't you wish you could just fast-forward,

cos all the pressure's on you to come, and you'd rather just

give head than worry about your own orgasm?

Nope, not at all.

Good for you.

What is this, on your neck?

Nothing.

Is that a hickey?

Who did that to you?

Some girl I met.

What happened?

That's it.

The movie rights are available.

I googled that guy you're living with.

Yeah, what did you think?

You should move in with me.

No, I'm not living with you and your parents in Chingford.

It's better than living with some dickhead on Gumtree

that peaked in 2005.

He's a successful novelist!

Published one book over a decade ago.

No, you cannot text and drive!

- I hate it when you do this! - I'm hardly fucking moving!

You know, if he weren't white and straight, you would be impressed.

If he wasn't white and straight,

he wouldn't have written a book called Testicular.

Leila!

- Hi. - Welcome.

This is my friend, Deniz. Deniz, this is Gabe.

- Dennis? - Deniz.

- Dennis? - Deniz.

Deniz.

Forget it, man.

I'm sorry, have we met? I feel like I know you from somewhere.

That's ever think, I have to go to work.

I adore you, thank you.

Pull yourself together.

Hey, nice car.

See you later, Deniz.

I don't think I've ever made such a bad impression

in such a condensed period of time.

No, that's just her face.

Oh.

Zadie Smith, you a fan?

Yeah.

Yeah, there are a lot of things I like about her work.

I mean, do I think it's deserving

of an endless stream of flowery praise?

Not really, but, you know, she's not untalented.

- Coffee? - Yes, thanks.

Gabe, I found another tub of that protein powder stuff.

It hasn't been opened, do you want to take it back to the shop?

Hi, I'm Laura, Gabe's sister...

Oh, it's expired, I'm going to chuck it.

- Hi, I'm Leila. - Nice to meet you.

OK, so I am done, remember to heat the chicken before you eat it.

Yeah, well, I'm not a bloody animal!

I'm sorry about the smell in the room, Gabe's last flatmate

used to piss in bottles and leave it around.

We don't know that for a fact.

OK, love.

Bye, Leila, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

I've never lived with a woman before, except my sister.

Don't worry, I'm not going to try it on.

Thank you for that.

No, you don't shit where you eat.

Also, I'm gay so...

Yes, of course.

You're gay.

- There you go. - Thanks.

Oh, where do you keep the sugar?

- The spice cupboard. - Ah.

So how did you know that girl?

Is she your l... your lover?

No, we're just friends, we went to uni together.

Cool.

I should go, uh... unpack my stuff.

Cool, well, you let me know if you need anything.

- Will do. - Hmm.

What do you feel about a clean-shaven vagina?

Completely shaved or trimmed really short.

That's, like, my preference.

- I've had a bad time with a lot of hair once, so... - What happened?

Yeah, it was just sort of really awkward, I just... I couldn't stand

to put my hand down,

it just felt like someone's head was down there, it was...

Hi, this is Sadie, leave a message.

Hey, it's me, um...

Just wanted to say the place is great, and I hope you're good.

All right, bye, Sadie.

Call me back.

Oh...

Deep, deep, deep... !

From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life, I'm Ira Glass.

Brides in white, little three-year-old nieces sent

waddling down aisles throwing rose petals,

how many of these happy couples are actually mismatched?

A huge number.

It's frightening going to weddings.

Meet Alain de Botton, author of articles with titles like,

Why You Will Marry The Wrong Person...

Humph.

Come on...

W... what time is it?

9:42.

Shit, that late?!

You got a big day?

Not really.

Cool.

Look...

- You're beautiful. - Thank you.

Yeah.

You know, I really feel, like under a different set of circumstances,

we could really pursue this, make it work, share a life together.

- Really? - Yeah.

God, you're so great.

I just...

You know, you're my student.

I think it's something that we should leave unexplored

for the time being.

I had no idea you felt that way.

I'm flattered, but...

I think you're right when you say this can't work.

Oh?

I'm not really looking for a relationship at the moment,

and then there's the whole age-gapthing...

Well, I'm barely 30... 4.

You don't want a coffee, cup of tea?

No, but... thanks.

You know, because of your book, I thought you'd be different.

Sexually.

Different how?

I don't know, avant garde.

It's not bad, it's just...

... you don't fuck like you write.

It's interesting.

See you.

Hey.

Hey.

After you.

Thank you.

Absolutely nothing is changing.

We're just taking a break from being partners.

We're... still business partners.

Definitely.

So, while we're not feeling so compatible romantically,

we're feeling incredibly compatible professionally.

Right, so has anybody got any questions?

Mommy and Daddy love you very much.

Hello?

Hello, is this thing on?

Guys, look what I found.

"Our love fuels the work."

Right, I'm done here.

Hye Me, could you check in on her later and just make sure she's OK?

Of course.

Thanks.

Your hair is different.

Yeah, you like it?

It's really painful, but I think it works.

Yeah, it's... it's trendy.

Thanks.

You want to play Assassin's Creed?

My friend John Chris leaves his console here

because he's an addictive personality.

Thanks, but I have to go to Aphrodite, I promised my friends

I'd meet them there.

You're welcome to come, but it's going to be all lesbians.

- Where is this place? - Dalston.

Cool, cool, cool.

I'll be the only guy there?

Only straight guy.

I guess.

OK, yeah, it sounds interesting.

Erm, they won't be offended if I'm... ?

Dude, shit or get off the pot.

So you got laid last night.

Shit, were we loud?

Yeah, it's really hard to jerk off when you're in my ear.

- OK... - I'm sorry, does that make you uncomfortable?

- When I talk about masturbation? - No, no, not at all.

No, now you can, like, picture in your head and it's distracting?

Yeah, just a bit.

OK, now you know how I feel when I'm trying to jerk off

and your girlfriend's putting on a show.

This is it.

She's not my girlfriend.

I was actually trying to break it off but, you know, it got confusing.

I said, "Look, you're amazing, and in a different world

I could see us sharing a life but... "

Why would you say that?

I was being polite.

By saying you want to share a life together?

In a different world, like, you know, "You are worthy of love

and companionship with someone LIKE me but not... "

That is not at all what that means!

Anyway, she flipped it, so suddenly she's dumping me, and it's a mess,

because her take on colonial deconstruction was derivative,

and now it looks like I'm lowering her mark because she rejected me,

when really, I was trying to reject her.

She's your student?

Oh, it's a temporary job.

I'm more a novelist than her teacher.

Salman Rushdie's over 70, he only dates models in their 20s.

Yeah, I wouldn't use Salman Rushdie as a fucking role model.

Oh, fair enough.

Should I be wearing my glasses, do you think?

Can you see without your glasses?

I can see you up close, but I can't see far away,

I mean, I think I look better, but they leave these weird indents

- on my nose, so I think I might leave them on. - OK, leave them on.

- What about my cardigan? - Cardigan's fine.

Oh, nice hair!

What? No, shut up.

It's hot.

You are!

What?

Nothing, bye.

Am I sad? Yeah, I'm sad.

Do I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night thinking she's there

and I reach out and she's not and I'm completely alone in the world?

Yeah, of course.

But I genuinely think that we need to take this space

before we can move forward.

What did you do to your hair?

Do you not like it?

No, it's lovely.

Thank you.

So what are people's thoughts

about the film Blue Is The Warmest Colour?

Do you think it's a fair representation

of lesbian women and their partners?

Sadie's a fucking mess.

I think she's spending the weekend with her mum.

That's not possible. Grace drives her crazy.

When the shit's hitting the fan, it's a comfort to be with your mum,

- even if she is a twat. - Can we just drop it?

Sadie will be fine, she always is.

Sadie's the prettiest crier I've ever seen.

I've been crying, too.

- Did she cry when you guys broke up? - No, it was pretty mutual.

We didn't break up.

We're just taking some time.

The craziest thing just happened.

This can girl came up and she was like, "Hi."

And I was like, "Hi." As she was like, "You're fit."

And then she kissed me!

A girl just kissed me!

Oh, my God, you two!

You're so beautiful and both so Irish.

Can you, like, kiss for me?

- OK, drunkie, let's go. - Aw...

Bye! Bye, friends!

Always with the straight girls.

It's like Beth thinks her pussy is a gateway drug to lesbianism.

I hate the show and it should never be used as a point of reference

- for anything, but... - But.

... Beth's a Dana and she's trying to be a Shane.

That is so true.

- Sorry, what are you talking about? - The L Word.

Yeah, and just because one person

made one fucking L Word reference tonight, doesn't mean

you get to go back to all your friends and say that all lesbians do

- is talk about The L Word. - Jesus Christ!

OK, she's in a cab.

It would have been really weird if I took her home, right?

You have to stop with the straight girls.

I think she's bisexual.

Sex tourist. All the girls you date are sex tourists.

Does anyone know an actual bisexual?

I'm pretty sure bisexuality is a myth.

Yeah, that it was created by ad executives to sell flavoured vodka.

I think the girl I'm dating might be bisexual.

- Yeah? - The girl I was talking about?

She and her friend get intimate.

When they're out drinking with a group of people,

or when they're alone and sober?

Out drinking.

She's perfect for Beth.

I'm upset about you and Sadie.

I know it's none of my business,

- but I think you're making a huge mistake. - OK.

Why did you say no when she asked you to marry her?

That's none of your business.

I'm sorry.

- You're right, I'm protective of her. - I know.

- Because we used to be together. - Yeah, sure, I know.

If you don't want her, you need to let her go.

It's cruel to drag it out.

- I need a piss. - What?

- Piss! - Oh, OK.

Hey, are you having a bad time?

Your friends hate me.

No, don't mind them.

They just get tunnel vision when they're all together.

- Don't take it personally. - Really, it's not personal.

I mean, they just don't like men.

Are you fucking kidding me?

You know, you were dying to go out with lesbians

and the minute we don't match up to your wet dream fantasy,

we all become man-hating dykes?

Should I go?

I don't know. Do what ever the fuck you want.

You and your boyfriend have a row?

He's not my boyfriend.

Ow.

Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm not really sure how to do it with my hands.

But I'm going to just go ahead and use my mouth.

No, no, it's OK, you don't have to do that.

No, it's cool. I'm going to go ahead, stick it in my mouth.

Yeah, I think we should have a breather.

I find you incredibly hot and I want you to fuck me.

Now.

- I'm going to get a condom. - OK.

It's so funny, I've never seen one of these in real life.

What?

Um...

So, full disclosure, I have not done this before.

You're a virgin?

No...

I've only had sex with women.

Wow.

Uh...

Are you OK?

- Yeah, I'm good. - Yeah?

- Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm sure.

What was it about me that...

... that made you think that I'd be the right person to do this with?

Am I like a lesbian?

Well, the fact that you keep trying to talk

while I'm trying to fuck you

does strike me as a dyke move.

God, I've wanked to this situation so many times in my head.

It's just not really what I thought it would be like.

Maybe I should go?

OK.

- "No, stay... " - What?

Nothing.

- Leila? - Yeah?

Could you pass my charger?

Cheers.

Holy shit, it's you!

Hey.

This is how I know you.

Did you know how I knew you?

- I can't believe you work here. I mean, it's so... - Working-class?

I was going to say random.

_

_

_

_

- Leila? - I'm going to propose to Sadie.

- Come to the shop. - I'm on my way to her flat right now.

I'm going to fill it with streamers and balloons

and all kinds of stupid shit and surprise her

when she gets back from her mom's.

All right, I love you, bye.

- Fuck! - What is it?

_

_

- Is she OK? - Can you drive?

Not well.

I may be drunk.

Don't do it!

Yeah!

What the fuck?

- Don't do this. - Why not?

Be honest, do you think I made a mistake?

The fuck do I know?

Shouldn't be here.

Nice place.

Jesus!

Please don't stab them.

Let's go.

Leila.

Fuck.

I'm sorry I upset you earlier.

It's OK, I was being an ass.

Why DID you leave her?

There's something really terrifying about her being so sure.

And you're not?

Yeah.

I wonder if there's something better out there.

Not even better, just like...

I can't believe she fucked Hye Me.

And I can't believe I spit gum in a black girl's hair.

It was an accident and I'm going to hell.

You're more attractive than she is.

Which one?

Both?

Thank you.

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -