Original subtitles

(Cockerel crowing)

(Alarm clock ringing)

(Ringing continues)

(Ringing)

(Grumbles and yawns)

(Ringing)

(Ringing stops)

(Yawns)

(Yawns)

(Yawns)

(Yawns)

Shh!

(Whistling)

Shh!

(Whistling)

(Whistling stops)

(Gas hissing)

(Gas hissing)

(Sighs contentedly)

(Yawns)

Oh!

(Slurping)

(Clunk, crashing and smashing)

(Splutters)

(Gas hissing)

(Hissing)

Mmm!

(Resounding boom)

Morning, Mrs Hoskins.

Good morning...

Mr Grimsdale.

Pitkin! Wait a moment.

Listen, I can explain.

Pitkin, I fell through the bathroom floor!

Oh, a likely story!

(Crashing, Pitkin screams)

Ah, Austin. I, er...I believe you're taking over St Godric's division today.

- Yes, sir. - Mmm.

You may get trouble from Grimsdale's Dairy.

But it shouldn't be too difficult -

you have the finest equipment and the best milk.

All you need is initiative.

Go out into your territory and sell milk.

- Yes, sir. - Take over, Bancroft.

I'm now going back for breakfast. I'll be back later.

Right, men! Carry on!

(Hums merrily)

How's my lovely Nellie this morning? Hungry?

Soaml.

(Chuckles) I'm only kidding.

We'd better get a move on, we're late.

And I can't pull the cart meself, can I?

Mi-ilk!

Mi-ilk!

(Man and woman arguing)

{(Man) You don't look like a wife!

(Woman) And you were late last night!

- Never mind about that! - (Woman shouting indistinctly)

(Argument continues)

(Bell rings)

(Woman screams, bottles crash)

{(Woman) Oooh!

Oowww!

(Argument starts up again)

(Bell rings)

Yeah?

- Milkman. - None today.

(Couple still arguing)

(Man) For the last time, every time we row about what nerve I've got...

(Couple shouting)

(Bell rings, shouting stops)

Oh, thank you, milkman!

Darling, the milk's here! Would you like a cup of tea?

(Growls)

You'll get a clip round the ear hole!

This is a peaceful neighbourhood! Go on, shove off!

Nellie, keep your eyes open. Someone's smashing our bottles.

(5, Mock Wild West theme)

J A man and his horse in the early morn

J Got a right to be free as the day they were born

J And if somebody tries to deny them the right

I To stand and deliver, a man's gotta fight

- Or die

J A man's got a right to think and vote

J And a man's got a right to drive his float

J And if somebody tries to take over his round

J A way to discourage him has got to be found

I Or die

- Well? - Yes, thank you.

You been breaking my bottles?

Listen, mate, you know what your trouble is?

- What? - You've got a suspicious mind.

You see a couple of broken bottles and assume I've done it.

- But I know what's going on. - What?

- I've seen 'em. - What?

- I've watched 'em. - Who?

The cats.

- I can't blame 'em. - What are you talking about?

You've got bottlenecks with cardboard stoppers in the top.

The birds come along and peck holes in the stoppers, right?

This facilitates the smell coming out.

- What happens? - What?

Around come the cats, frighten off the birds,

they look around...and in they go.

- Now what? - What?

They can't get their heads in.

Frustrated beyond measure they go stark raving mad and smash the bottles.

- How? - Kick 'em.

A cat couldn't kick a bottle, not to smash it.

All the cats around here have got hardpad.

Really?

But you put your bottles in their place.

I can't just stand there and hold them. I've got to do what I'm told.

I've got it down here in my book.

Two bottles over that side

and two over that side.

One over there, another over there.

And various deliveries.

With the result - up go our sales

and down go Grimsdale's.

I'm gonna tell your manager about you.

Mr Hunter? He's been working since four, he's having his rest period.

- I'll give you his address. - Oh, yeah? What is it?

- Two Thorndale Avenue. - Two Thorndale...

Number two Thorndale, name of Hunter.

- Name of Hunter. - Hunter.

Ohh...

Two Thorndale Avenue. Go on, Nellie. Name of Hunter.

Come on.

I won't be long, Nellie.

- (Lawn mower trundling) - Ah.

(Engine growling)

- I want a word with you! - What?

- I can't hear! - (Indistinct)

No!

(Engine roar drowns out conversation)

(Engine revs)

How do you stop it?

Mr Hunter!

Ooh! Oh!

- (Engine growling) - Help! Let me out!

(Both shouting)

Stop pulling on me!

Let go of my legs!

Anyway, he's smashing all our bottles, and doing other things.

We haven't got a customer left!

This is ridiculous, we could've had a chat in your front room.

(Rustling)

(Creaking)

(Crashing)

I saw it with me own eyes! He smashed both bottles!

Kicked 'em and smashed both of 'em!

Where's he gone?

Enough is enough!

Yes, once and for all

an end to it! An end to it!

I am gonna Kill you! Kill you!

- Blow you into little pieces. - No!

Oh, no, you don't!

You're mine!

Ohhh! Oh, you...

Mr Grimsdale!

Mr Grimsdale, Consolidated Dairies are stealing our...

- Ugh! - No reason not to knock, Pitkin!

As head of this firm I'm entitled to my privacy.

They're trying to take our territory.

I know, I had a letter from them yesterday,

making me an offer for the entire business.

If you'll excuse me I'll go and prepare your meal.

And yours.

- Ahem. - You're not gonna sell, Mr Grimsdale?

Of course not! No giant combine's gonna dictate to me.

If Consolidated try it, we'll break them. We'll break them.

- But that's what they want to do to us! - Don't be silly.

- They broke all our bottles! - What? That's outrageous!

- I've been here since 19... -23!

- My father established this firm in 18... - 90!

- I'm gonna speak to the... - General manager!

Backhurst 1122.

(Both) B-A-C...

one, one...

two.

You forgot a bloomin' two.

- 'Consolidated Dairies.' - Mr Hunter, it is.

Mr Hunter, ple... How do you know?

- Mr Hunter's office. - Mr Hunter, please.

- He isn't there. - How do you know?

I'm sorry, he isn't here.

He's having his rest period.

Stop trying to be psychic, Pitkin! Hello?

Mr Hunter's having his rest period.

Could you tell me where he is, please?

He's in his garden.

He isn't in his garden, is he?

- No, he's just come in. - Wrong, Pitkin! He's not in his garden.

Mr Grimsdale.

Grimsdale...

(Click)

- Well, where's Austin? - Here, sir.

- Oh. - I understand you wanted to see me.

Would you be here if I didn't want to see you?

Remove your hat.

Now, Austin, you know as well as I do that Grimsdale's are your opposition.

Right.

I want them out of business in a month. No -

-in a week. - That's a bit quick.

A bit quick? It's not quick enough, Austin.

There is no room in this world for small, niggling firms.

- And old-fashioned too. - Right.

They still use a horse.

A horse?

Tell me...

does the horse ever get sick?

You mean, something in its food to confuse it mentally?

Now, now, Austin, nothing underhand.

But the main thing is, if Grimsdale's can't deliver, we can.

It's time for your pill, Mr Hunter.

Oh, thank you.

- Back early, aren't you, Pitkin? - Yep.

What's the idea of all these full bottles?

- Now, Mr Grimsdale... - Hmm?

Consolidated Dairies, with whom we are in opposition,

- have infiltrated... - Done what?

- Infiltrated... = Hmm.

...into Rossington, Cartwright and Wood Street.

- But then... - It's all right, it's all right.

You have got nothing to worry about because I have just recaptured

- Blenheim... - Blenheim.

Forchester and Porterhouse Road.

That's not good enough, Pitkin. You've got to do better.

Better? They've got an electric motor that tears uphill like a bomb!

Now, you can't expect Nellie to gallop uphill with a full load, now, can you?

You've got a whip, haven't you?

For Nellie? No, I have not. Think of something else.

That electric float of theirs... does it ever go wrong?

No.

Could do. Electric.

Change the wires round.

You know - chktk!

Short it!

No, no, no, Pitkin, nothing underhand.

But, er, if they can't deliver the milk...

we can, eh?

(Bell tings)

Austin's my name.

- From Consolidated Dairies. - Oh.

Il don't blame you, mate. If I was you, I wouldn't shake hands with me either.

I'm wicked, mate. I know that.

If you threw me out of this shop now...

and then got all the people in that street out there to stone me...

not one word of complaint would come from my lips.

Cos I know what I've done wrong -

broken your bottles.

I suppose he's told you about all this.

- Yeah, well... - Now...

Now, what makes a man want to break bottles?

Headaches, mate.

Splitting, blinding headaches.

No.

But never again. I've found a new thing.

- It's called aspirin. - Yeah?

But that won't bring your bottles back

and it's no use me coming here empty-handed to say that I'm sorry.

So, er...here you are.

A few apples.

Bought out of my war pension.

For your horse, Mary.

- Nellie. - Sorry, I'm, er...

- I'm shocking at names. - Oh, it's all right.

Nellie. They come from here, mate.

That's where they come from.

Here.

- Lovely horse, that Mary. - Nellie.

Nellie.

It's...it's me emotions, mate.

I've made myself look a fool.

(Sobs) I wish I hadn't come here now, mate.

Aren't you ashamed of yourself, Pitkin, a nice man like that?

- You're too hasty, Pitkin. - I don't think...

You don't think, that's your trouble.

- Which one shall I have? - But they're Nellie's.

One for each of us and the rest for Nellie.

- You've got the biggest one. - You have the smallest,

- that evens things up. - They're Nellie's. Nellie's, Nellie's.

- Where are you going? - To give them to Nellie.

Stop worrying about that horse. I'll let you know when it's time for her apples.

Go on, you've got work to do.

- Where are you going, then? - To have a bit of, er, rest.

- Now? - Yes, all right.

(Giggles)

(Mr Grimsdale) Just a minute! Turn the telly on.

I was just, er, changing my slippers, Pitkin.

Well, that didn't take long, did it?

- What? - Giving those apples to Nellie.

She munched away there.

Sit down, Pitkin, we're watching telly.

'Ere, you had your apple yet?

No, it's in my coat pocket.

(- Middle Eastern tune)

Nithe and thweet, ain't they?

Picture's... picture's gone out of focus.

- Perfect picture. - Out of focus!

- (Loud crack) - Awwgh!

(Pitkin laughing)

Bonk! (Laughs wildly)

Ooh!

Ssssswimming.

- But there's no water. - Oh.

(Pitkin) Water!

Water everywhere!

But not a drop to drink.

(Echoing) Drink! So that's what it is.

You've both been drinking, haven't you? You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

(Needles clacking noisily)

(Clacking intensifies)

- (Clacking crescendoes) - Quiet now!

No! Stop those needles!

(Incoherent)

I can't stand it!

Oh! Oh!

Drinking! Until you fall unconscious!

I think it's disgraceful.

Nellie, what have you done with your cart?

(Reverberating neigh)

Cats can't break bottles... I-I-] know who done it!

(Austin, echoing) 'Hardpad, they've got hardpad.'

No! No!

Austin's got hardpad!

He paid for it out of his war pension!

- (Mr Grimsdale) 'Pitkin.' - Mr Grimsdale?!

'Knock, Pitkin, knock!'

(Austin) 'A few apples for your horse, Mary.'

Nellie!

Mr Hunter's garden!

(Mr Hunter) 'I'll kill you! Kill you!

- You can't kill me! - (Austin) 'A few apples.'

- No matches to make the tea with! - (Mrs Hoskins) 'It's disgraceful!

- 'Knock, Pitkin, knock! = "Kill you!

- 'Kill you! - 'Knock!

Nellie.

Nellie!

Nellie!

(Pants)

Nellie...

Nellie!

Nellie, what's wrong?

Nellie, wake up!

I'll get a doctor!

Doctor, doctor...

Ah,

Hello? Oh, operator...

Cupley three...double-three three, please.

(Snhooty woman) 'Double-three double three.'

Double-three double-three, then. The doctor's house.

(Phone ringing, music playing)

- This is the doctor speaking. - It's Nellie!

Nellie, hello!

Ohh... No, no, no.

- Look, Nellie's not well. - Oh. What are the symptoms?

- She's dopey. - Well, most wives are!

(Chuckles) Do you know what's wrong with her?

- No. Do you? - Could you come and see her?

I'm afraid I'm terribly busy, what with one thing...

and another.

What are you doing there?

I-I'm held up at this moment.

Oh, heavens. Can't you come at all?

No, I'm pretty sure I shan't be able to get away.

- She can't even stand up. - Plenty here like that,

lying all over the floor.

Ill, I suppose, in a surgery. But what am I gonna do?

The important thing is to keep her warm.

- Yeah, yeah? - Keep her warm.

Take her to... Put her to bed with a hot water bottle.

- Right, yeah. - With hot water in it.

- Of course! - Have you got any sleeping pills?

- Yeah. - Good.

- There's some in the cabinet. - Good.

- On the top shelf. - Fine.

- They're in the bathroom. - Splendid!

- Hang on a minute. - Well, give her one!

But they're in the... Poisoning and everything!

Mr Grimsdale's ones, they're...

Oh, he's gone.

(Loud, rhythmic clunking on stairs)

That's it, that's it. There.

- (Hooves clunking) - Steady!

Shh!

(Pounding)

Ooh, my head.

Come on, that's it.

Come on, Nellie.

Come on. Oh!

Come on, Nell.

- Nell. - (Whinnies)

(Nickers)

Oh, thank you, Nell.

(Hooves pounding)

- Shut the door. - (Crash)

Oh...

- Come on, then. - (Neighs)

Sh-sh-shh!

Come on, Nell, eh? Come on.

- Come on, back up. - (Huge crash)

(Hooves banging)

- Mr Grimsdale. - I've got an awful thumping in my head.

That's just it, it isn't in your head.

It's coming from up...

Sleep, Nellie. You'll feel better in the morning.

(Grunts and strains)

(Whimpers)

(Laughs) Ooh-ooh!

(Sighs)

(Sighs)

Oh!

(Clunk)

(Strains)

(Chuckles)

Oh.

(Grunts and moans)

(Screams)

(Splashing)

You...

You!

You'll pay for this! I'll have every penny you've got!

Come back 'ere!

(Pants)

What do you think you're doing?

- What? - Where's your horse Mary?

- Nellie! - Did she eat all the apples?

Er, well...

Mr Grimsdale ate one and-and...

of course, ...

- Why? - Nothing.

Oh? So that's it. That's why Nellie...

You doped those apples!

- So what? -"So what?"

This is war, mate. War.

Little men like you don't stand a chance.

No.

Stop! Stop!

(Train horn blares)

It's war.

Mr Grimsdale!

It's war!

Mr Grimsdale! Mr Grimsdale!

Mr Grimsdale!

Knock, Pitkin, knock. How many times do I have to tell you?

- Mr Grimsdale, it's war! - It's what?

Well, we've, er...had a bit of bad luck.

Consolidated have smashed up our hand cart. The milk...

- Milk? - Milk.

It-It-It's...erm...

Well, it-it... it's war!

War or no war, Pitkin, you knock.

Even Drake was allowed to finish his bowls before he went into battle.

If you'll excuse me.

Besides, we're beaten, Pitkin.

Consolidated's too big.

Ohhh...

You was at Dunkirk, wasn't you, Mr Grimsdale?

I wonder what would've happened if you'd given up then.

You're right, Pitkin.

We'll fight them to the last half-pint of milk!

- B... - (Both) A-C

one, one, two...

two.

- (Ringing) - Mr Hunter's office.

Just a moment, please. Mr Hunter? Mr Grimsdale.

Tell him to go and...

Now, listen to me, Grimsdale...

(Incoherent bellowing on telephone)

Mr Hunter, I demand an apology.

Mr Hunter has gone to play golf.

Gone to play golf. That man needs a good lesson.

He's got to be taught right from wrong.

He's got to be taught that, Mr Grimsdale.

Right, off you go to the golf course.

- Me? But I thought... - Pitkin, I'm chairman,

he's only general manager - think of my position.

He must be taught that good transcends all evil.

Make him see the error of his ways.

Love maketh no ill will to its neighbour.

Let him therefore cast orf the wicked works o' darkness...

and don the armour of light.

- Eh? - Beautiful, Pitkin, beautiful.

(Incoherent with emotion)

Very well, Mr Grimsdale, I shall go to him.

(Whimpers)

(Man) Heads.

- Oh. - (Mr Hunter) Hmm.

Too bad, Colonel.

(Upper class) Excuse me.

Shh-shh!

Erm...mmm...

Could you tell me where I can find Mr Hunter?

(Pitkin clears throat)

(Clears throat)

(Coughs)

(Snorts and coughs)

(Coughs)

{(Wheezy, hacking cough)

(Gasps and coughs)

(Retching, gasping, wheezy coughing)

(Pitkin choking)

Oh.

Phew!

Phoo!

Whoo!

Er-er-er...Mr Hunter?

Oh, damn and blast, why can't you be...?!

Oh, ... do beg your pardon, Reverend.

You have got to be taught

what is right and...what is wrong.

We appreciate your company, Padre, but we're trying to play.

Mmm.

Now!

- I'll get it! - (Both) No!

Oi, give it to me.

Will you give it to me?

(Clattering)

(Grunting and straining)

- Slater. - (Crunching)

Slater, you idiot! Let him have it if he wants it.

Now, come back here.

(Chuckles gleefully)

Oh, this is ridiculous!

(Pitkin laughs)

(As self) Oh, there's a rotten bit of luck! It's gone down that little hole.

(Upper class) I shall never be able to get it out of there.

Come on.

(Mr Hunter) What a day. I wish I hadn't come. It's your fault, and his.

1 got it! I got it!

- You're not supposed to... - Put it down!

(Laughs)

(Crash)

That'll cost you two strokes, Hunter.

Look what you've done to my trolley, you...!

Where is your gratitude? I was the one who found your ball!

- Hm! - That ball, and you,

have cost me two strokes!

(Clang)

Oh!

- Ooh. - My dear Colonel.

What on earth's going on?

All right, all right, all right.

(Laughs)

(Mr Hunter) Stop!

You...!

You...!

Give me that club!

I'll beat your brains in!

Leave it to me.

- Care to concede? - Certainly not!

That's it, Mr Hunter - never, never, ever say die.

(Giggles crazily)

We'll soon get it, Mr Hunter.

What, up there?

- Give me a leg up. - 1 shall do no such thing.

You'd better concede, old man.

Get up.

Give me your foot, come on. Up you go.

Go on!

(Clunk)

It's absolute madness to try this shot, Hunter.

Give me a hand, Colonel, would you?

Ow!

Why don't you concede, Hunter?

(Both) No!

- There it is, Mr Hunter! - Where?

- Up there! - Oh, yes!

- Let's get above it. - Yes.

Thank you.

Oh, yes, yes.

- A five iron, Colonel! - This is madness.

All right, coming up.

(Both scream)

- Hold on! - (Self) Grab hold of that...

(Upper class) Er...grab hold of that branch.

- Mr Hunter? - Yes?

While we're hanging about, may I have a word?

- What? - Do you think it's fair

for the big firms to try to put a little shop out of business?

You can't impede progress.

But instead of fighting, Mr Hunter,

why don't Consolidated and Grimsdale's help each other

like I'm helping you now?

Oh, for goodness' sake! Why don't you shut up?

- It's gone into that bird's nest! - 1 can see that!

- Get me over it! - (Self) Let go of the branch!

Down a bit.

(Screams)

(Screams)

You!

Would you care to concede?

(Birds tweeting)

(Cuckoo calls)

I personally guarantee...

that Consolidated will obliterate Grimsdale's...

within a week!

In an hour!

Now!

Come 'ere! Wait till I get...

You horrible little vicar, you!

Mr Grimsdale!

Mr Grimsdale!

And er...

See, Mrs Hosk...

Oh, would you mind if I called you Gladwys?

Cheeky!

I've been thinking, you see,

we've had so...many...nice times together

and, er... well, I was wondering...

I don't quite know how to put this but, er...

(Sobs) I'm...

Gladwys, what's the matter?

I'm so happy! (Sobs)

Mr Grimsdale!

Before, Pitkin, not after!

- If you'll excuse me. - No, you stay here.

Pitkin, a word in your ear, please.

Pitkin, I need your help.

I am trying to help, Mr Grimsdale.

I've just had a meeting with Mr Hunter...

- Forget Mr Hunter. - Yeah, we don't need him!

I shall soon have a few ideas that'll have Consolidated crawling to us.

Pitkin, I'm in love with Mrs Hoskins but...

Well, I haven't got the courage to propose to her.

You can't get married with the firm halfway down the drain hole!

If you were to propose to her on my behalf

then I could concentrate on the dairy, don't you see?

- Put the firm back on its feet? - On its feet, Pitkin.

(Quiet sobbing)

(Wails)

That's because she's happy, Pitkin.

- Mrs Hoskins. - Yes?

Mrs Hoskins, do you ever think about getting married?

I never think of anything else!

(Sobs)

There comes a time... when a man should take a wife.

But doesn't always be lucky enough to find the one he wants.

(Both sobbing)

- Do you follow me? - I think I'm beginning to.

Does Mr Grimsdale know about this?

Oh, yes. He's dead keen on the wedding.

The wedding?

A proposal, then?

Yes!

Aren't I a lucky girl?

Twice in one day!

(Wails and sobs)

(Both wail hysterically)

(Wails)

- What's the matter, Pitkin? - I'm happy now!

(Laughs and sobs)

Mr Grimsdale said if you accepted,

he'd put the dairy back on its feet!

I don't care about the dairy!

I do! The whole world must know that we mean business!

Oh, Norman! You're wonderful!

It's settled, then?

Yes!

What are you doing? Mr Grimsdale...

- (Crash) - Mr Grimsdale!

Mr Grimsdale!

We are going to be married.

(Sobs)

I have filled that.

Stop behaving like a child.

Don't you dare talk to me like that in my shop!

Your what? Shop? Look at it - bare. Hardly anything left.

Bit of butter, couple of eggs.

If it wasn't for her, we could've put Consolidated out of business!

I am not lovesick any more and I'll tell you what I'm going to do -

start again and put this shop back on its feet.

- I'll show you how to work. - That will be the day.

- And where would you begin? - Me? Well...

- I'd start off by economising. - That's it, economise.

The first thing to get rid of is Nellie.

You can take her to the old horses' home right now.

Mr Grimsdale, if I say I'm sorry, can Nellie stay?

You can't have it all ways, the horse and Mrs Hoskins.

- Why not take the shop? - 1 don't want the shop.

And I don't want Mrs Hoskins either.

You don't want Mrs Hoskins?

No, I do not.

Oh, Pitkin.

I'm sorry I misjudged you.

Now everything's gonna be all right, eh?

So Nellie can stay, then?

No.

(Door opening)

Nellie...

For some time now, business hasn't been too good.

And... Well, Mr Grimsdale reckons that it's time we started to economise.

So...I've got to take you to an old horses' home.

Oh, it's all right, it's...

It's sort of like a horses' holiday camp.

Yeah, that's it.

Like a horses' holiday camp.

There'll be lovely green fields and...

and...and you won't have to get up early in the mornings, either.

I'll come and see you on me days off.

Still...

I suppose you'll soon find a new friend, won't you?

Hello. You off to the hunt, then?

Where's your red coat?

Come on, Nell.

(Hooves clip-clopping)

(Neighing)

(Bang)

Oh, Nellie! You're not supposed to be here.

- You've run away. Ohhh. - (Neighs)

(Clip-clopping)

Oh, how can I refuse you?

All right, we'll work together again, even if it is only for a little while.

- (Mr Grimsdale) Pitkin! - (Nellie grunts)

Quiet, Nellie. Yes, Mr Grimsdale!

What's going on, Pitkin?

Nothing, Mr Grimsdale.

I-1-1 was...l was just gonna start work.

You've got that horse down there! How dare you defy me?

Get rid of it at once!

Now, listen, Mr Grimsdale...

Mrs Hoskins!

Mrs Grimsdale, if you please.

We were married, special licence.

Er...1 shan't keep you a moment, my love.

(Both giggle)

Well, Pitkin, what is it?

It's about Nellie, Mr Grimsdale. If I pay for her food, can we keep her?

- No, we cannot. - Then I'm sorry, I shall have to leave.

Pitkin, you don't understand. We're broke.

Consolidated Dairies have beaten us.

But now, of course, in view of our additional responsibilities,

I have decided to accept their offer

and merge our business with theirs.

- But we shall be swallowed up! - Nonsense.

I shall demand the firm be called Grimsdale's Consolidated Dairies,

to be split right down the middle.

We shall have half their business and they'll have half ours.

And who do you think will be chairman?

(Chuckles)

What about me?

I've never let you down yet, Pitkin, have 1?

Ah!

What about Austin? Could get rid of him.

- He smashed all our bottles... - Yes, yes, yes,

and Hunter too, but all in good time.

Oh, well, we shall have a new staff.

There you are, look, see - Sir Roger Wedgewood,

chairman.

Temporary. Come on.

Would you kindly inform Sir Roger that I am here?

Oh? What name, please?

Thomas Grimsdale.

MP.

Oh.

Er, yes, of course.

Milk Proprietor.

Thomas Grimsdale MP to see Sir Roger.

Yes.

Would you care to go up, sir? It's on the fourth floor.

You've got a button undone.

Ooh, I'm sorry, sir.

- What's your name? - Er, Huggins, sir.

- Sir Roger Wedgewood? - Nah. I'm Fred Knowles.

Good morning...Mr Grimsdale?

- Yes, and Mr Pitkin. - How do you do?

Would you come this way?

- Miss, erm...? - Cartwright.

Sir Roger? Mr Grimsdale and Mr Pitkin.

You have a board meeting in two minutes, sir.

Thank you, Cartwright. Good morning, Grimsdale.

- Mr Pitkin. - Good morning, Mr Pitkin.

- Mr Grimsdale. - Grimsdale.

Won't you sit down, gentlemen?

Well, how, Mr...

- Grimsdale. - Pitkin.

Grim...Grimsdale.

Grimsdale rings a bell.

I have no indication.

Grimsdale's Dairy.

- Grimsdale's Dairy. - Oh, yes, of course.

- You've caused us a lot of trouble. - Have we?

- 1 like that! - So you've decided to come to terms?

- Well, we didn't wanna... - We thought we might...

Very sensible of you.

Now, the next thing we must do...

- What? - What?

...is to discuss the basic details...

- Well, what I had in mind... - He'll give you a fair deal.

With my...

Come in, Walter, will you?

I shall look forward to a further discussion shortly.

Well, there'll be many a chat and a cuppa once we get to know each other.

Now if you'll forgive me,

I have an important board meeting to attend.

Ah, Hunter.

Mr Grimsdale and Mr PitkKin.

(Giggles quietly)

They want to come to terms. Please attend to them.

Good afternoon, Mr...

(Pitkin) Grimsdale. (Mr Grimsdale) Pitkin.

Follow me.

Very nice.

Well, gentlemen, what are your terms?

Er, you can have half of our business

but we shall want half of yours.

And it's gotta be called Grimsdale's Consolidated Dairies

and...he is gonna be the chairman.

He's going to be...?!

Are you insane? Or is it possible you believe what you're saying?

No, no, definitely not! Now get out!

Before you go! Come here, let me show you both something.

See this? All of this is us.

Grimsdale's... Er, Grimsdale's.

Right.

That's the fate of Grimsdale's! Gone!

Understand? Gone! All of it!

Obliterated.

No longer in existence.

Now...out!

Out!

Out! Out!

He's joking! Ain't ya? Laugh, go on.

When you get home and you want a cuppa, I hope you haven't got any milk!

Will you get out?!

Now I think we should look at the file for Grimsdale's lease.

Yes, Mr Hunter. (Giggles)

Wait for me, Mr Grimsdale!

(Lift whirrs)

Ahh!

Pitkin! The lift's jammed!

Ooh-ooh!

- Pitkin, help! - Try to keep calm!

Ooh. I'll get some help!

Oh!

- Where's the fire? - Fire? I don't know.

Help!

Mr Grimsdale's stuck in the lift!

Where's the fire?

Fire?

Fire!

Mr Grimsdale!

Ooh...

Mr Grimsdale! There's a fire!

- Afire? - Yeah!

Get me out of here!

Leave it to me, Mr Grimsdale!

The worst thing you can do is-is to panic!

Ooh!

Send for the fire brigade!

Sound the alarm!

I've found it, Mr Grimsdale!

Pitkin! Help!

(Coughs)

Pitkin! Where are you?

Pitkin! Help!

(Coughs)

(Gasps and coughs)

(Whirring)

(Mr Grimsdale) Help! Help!

Fire!

Fire?

Fire!

Fire! Fire!

Fire!

- Fire! - Yeah, I know!

The whole building's in flames!

-(Yelps) - Now, pull yourself together!

Look, I'll warn them all on this floor.

See? And you tell "em all up there!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

I'll tell them all downstairs.

Fire! Fire! Everybody out!

Help! Please!

(Coughs) Help!

The flames are licking all round the building and creeping up the wall!

- Fire! Fire! - (Bell ringing)

(Sirens blaring, bells ringing)

The fire's here! Park it there!

Get four lines of hose into the building and I'll take the ladder to the fourth floor.

(Screaming and shouting)

Oi! Stand back!

Give Mr Grimsdale air! He's stuck in the lift!

Everybody down the stairs!

It's all right, Mr Grimsdale! The fire brigade's here!

There's nothing to worry about now!

Good boy!

I didn't think you'd hear me.

- Hey? - You're the chief, ain't ya?

- Yeah. - You've got a bit of a fire on,

- I've done all I can, now it's up to you. - Thank you.

There's a bloke stuck in the lift.

Name of Grimsdale! You there?

- (Mr Grimsdale) Help! - There you are.

You've set a fine example.

Hopkins, go up and release the cable.

- Hold this for Hopkins. - Harris, stay here.

Which one's Harris? Come on, hurry up, there's a fire!

Hey!

Keep alert!

Mr Grimsdale, you'll be out in two minutes. Chief, we've...

Chief?

You all right, Chief?

- Give the order... - Hey?

- Give the order to... - Give the what?

- Give the order! - Ican't do that, they won't listen to me!

I'm not in charge!

You mean... You mean ll am in charge?

Oh, Chief!

(Screaming)

Right, men, I am giving the orders now! Let's have some discipline.

When I say go, turn the water on and stand by to charge.

There's still people here.

If we put the fire out they won't have to leave. Water on! I shall take that.

- Water on. - Water on!

- Water coming through, sir. - Follow me! Charge!

(Screams)

(Screaming)

Help!

(Screaming)

Help! Help!

(Screams)

(Screaming)

No! You dirty devil!

Turn it off!

(Laughs) This is no time to lark about now!

Ooh, fire extinguisher.

(Giggling)

(Screams)

(Secretary) Mr Hunter! Mr Hunter!

Fire! Everybody out!

Fire?! Fire!

Miss Curry! The files, the files!

Miss Curry, please! The files!

The files, where are the files?

(Mr Grimsdale) Help, please, somebody! Pitkin, where are you?

The time you take... Leave go!

Keep your feet still!

- Breathe in! - I am!

Well, breathe out, then!

- He's gone. - We're out of water, sir!

- No! - Yes.

Wait here.

Anyone know where the water is?

What are you doing here?

I'm in charge of the fire!

Don't touch that! Leave it alone!

You ruined Grimsdale's, now you want Consolidated to burn down?

Didn't take him long to disappear, did it?

Hey! You!

Come back here!

Are you responsible for this outrage?

- I am the general manager. - Well, I'm the fire chief.

- Where's the fire? - You should know where it is!

There is no fire! Some idiot messed with the smoke purifier! I put it right!

Come on, you men! Don't stand about!

No fire...

Turn the water...on.

(Crowd gasping)

(Engine revs)

(Great crash)

(Loud cracking)

Well done, Pitkin! Pitkin, well done.

I'll see you get ten years for this.

You can see what you like!

You can have me beheaded on the gallows, hang me on the guillotine!

As ever, I was only trying to help, which is more than I can say about you.

Or your lot! All this is nothing compared with what you done to us!

You and your dirty methods have put our dairy right out of business.

- Shhh! - Never mind about shush!

I'm gonna tell everyone!

We was just a...just a little tiny firm,

trying to give a bit of personal service.

We didn't care about making a great big fortune.

We only had ten streets.

Ten!

But Consolidated still had to push us out.

They broke all our bottles.

They smashed up our hand cart.

Do you know, they even poisoned my horse, Nellie.

She used to pull our milk float.

And poor old Nellie is how residing in an old horses' home.

Now, listen, Pips...erm...Grimsdale...

- Pitkin. - Pitkin?

- Yeah. - Pitkin.

You can have your round, intact.

And you have my assurance that we'll leave you alone.

Provided that you leave us alone.

You understand?

- You leave us...alone. - Alone.

No.

Mr Grimsdale... Mr Grimsdale!

Mr Grimsdale! Go on, Nellie!

Mr Grimsdale!

They've started again, Mr Grimsdale!

They're smashing all our bottles!

Mr Grimsdale!