Original subtitles

Architectural Forum Bilbao. The death of architecture?

Black Light, the new novel from the Swiss author Lorenz Meran.

Welcome to Culture Time.

Black Light, the sixth novel by 39-year-old author Lorenz Meran

tells the story of 50-year-old physicist Georg Anders

trying to rationally come to terms with his life partner's sudden death.

Like most of Meran's novels it is set in his adopted home, Berlin.

He first came from Switzerland to the German metropolis at 19 and never left.

As he himself says, Berlin enabled him to become a writer.

Black Light, the title of his new novel, works on two levels

It refers to the protagonist's research area,

as a wave-particle physicist.

It also describes the UV light in the gay darkrooms

which the protagonist frequents ever more as the story develops.

George Anders, 50, physicist, has a mid-life crisis

following his partner's suicide.

He frequents Berlin's gay subculture

and indulges in sexual excesses.

It is the attempt of a man to step outside himself

hoping to escape pain.

In this universe, the only love present is in the tenderness

with which Meran observes his characters on their descent into hell.

The author himself says of love,

Love is nothing more than a deceptive Fata Morgana, but...

it spurs us on, it empowers us to our boldest creative achievements.

Hello.

It's good you're here.

What's wrong with her face? -Partial paralysis.

The doctor says it all hangs on what sort of night she has.

Why have they torn up all the garden?

The people upstairs moved out.

Who found her?

The postman. He called for an ambulance too.

So? How's the book going?

Too early to say.

I'm just about to do the book-signing tour.

Don't you know when it's first published?

Have you read it? -No, I haven't had time.

Just a few reviews.

There were some good ones. -Yes.

And otherwise? What about Philipp? -What?

The music teacher. -Oh, right. That's long since over.

We should think about what to do about mum.

Someone has to look after her. -Someone?

I've got the tour, I told you. -And I've got a course.

Does that last for weeks? -Yes, social management.

It's important to me.

Plus I've got problems with Alex.

Wow, what's new?

It was the same last year and you wanted to separate.

You couldn't care less!

Why do you say that?

Come on, let's not fight. -I'm not fighting.

We don't even know if she'll make it.

Hello, mum.

Hello.

Hello, mum.

Did you come specially?

Of course.

So? How are you?

The doctor said I was lucky, it was just a minor stroke.

I look terrible. -No you don't, mum.

It will all be fine.

Did you fed the cat? -Yes, we did.

Are you going to put them in water? -Right.

Sit yourself down.

Excuse me, where can I find a vase?

On the shelf. -Thank you very much.

Did you have to pay a lot extra for the room?

It's fine.

How long can you stay?

Just a couple of days.

But the doctor said you're over the worst.

Only the good die young.

Put them by the window, they'll get more light.

When can I go home, did the doctor say?

It will be a while. You need at least three weeks in rehab, he said.

But the cat? - Don't worry.

Chantal will see to it. She sends her love.

Thank you.

100 YEARS OF RUTIHALDE SAWMILL St GALLEN OPEN DAY

Hey, long time, no see. - Hello there.

Hello, Silvan.

It's up here.

Hello. - Hello.

Hello. - Hi.

Good journey? - Yes, not bad.

Bit of backache.

Nice. - What is?

The flat.

Seen it all already? -No.

Have you eaten? - No.

There's not enough meat. We weren't expecting you.

How come? - She only just told us.

She called me three days ago. - Ask her. I'll get the salad.

What are you doing in the dark?

They're barbecuing.

Exactly.

Aren't you hungry?

It's too cold. That food doesn't agree with me.

She knows that. -Oh, mum.

Hello, mum, hello.

Are we leaving? -What? No!

I've just got here. I'm hungry.

Oh.

Mum.

You didn't say I was coming. -I did.

Not till today.

They treat me like a child. She's given up smoking.

Who? Sophie? -Yes, she's unbearable.

And the sawmill drives you nuts.

What sawmill? -Over there.

They're on a break now.

Can you manage? Wait.

Take the suitcase.

Why? You don't need it now. -Yes, I do.

No, let’s join them first.

And then we'll go. Then I'll take it.

No, mum, leave it there.

Leave it. I'll take it. Come on, let's go.

Then take it. -Yes, I... Oh, come here, mum.

Can you manage? -My leg isn't so great.

Don't you need this?

No, I do not. She always wants me to use it.

I'm not ga-ga.

Wait.

Can you manage? -Yes, yes.

I thought the carer started on Monday.

Thursday.

That's six days away. You said two or three.

Three or six. If you have to leave sooner,fine.

Who'll help you with your stockings? And the housework?

Chantal.

I can do the rest myself. I'm all right again.

As you'll see.

Silvan, grub's up.

In a minute. - No, now. Come and sit down.

Is that all? -You've had your two glasses already.

Don't you dare.

Thanks for the film. It's cool.

So, do you like the flat? -Yes.

It's nice. What I've seen of it.

If it weren't for the sawmill. That's all you hear all day.

You said it's noisy at yours.

You paid far too much.

You'll never get that for it. -We're not selling.

We'll grow old here.

What's wrong with him? -You just can't drop it.

There you are.

He only said good morning and good night to me the whole day.

It's not normal. -He's the quiet type.

Boring, too. Doesn't smoke, doesn't drink.

Goes down into the cellar to laugh.

It's true.

If she hadn't been pregnant she'd not be with him.

A cop.

Couldn't he have pulled out before the last stop?

What? Before the last stop?

Don't you know what I mean? 'Pull out', 'take precautions'.

He deliberately landed her with the kid.

Now she's stuck there with the sawmill.

You're dreadful, mum.

It's all the same If I laugh or sing

I have a heart like a bird And fall in love so easily

Do you have to crawl along? -Am I driving, or are you?

All gravelled over.

They destroyed the garden for this.

Delicious. You're still a good cook

Thanks.

But still on your own.

Who says I'm on my own?

Have you got a boyfriend?

Not like you think.

Nothing steady.

Oh, son, all these affairs. They're no good.

You're still reasonably presentable now.

But when you're 50, and no one looks at you?

It wasn't always easy with Dad. But I was happy to have him.

Sure.

You think I'd have been better off without him but it's hard to say.

I always said I'd find no one better. -Nonsense.

He was a loser. -That's not true.

He got out of everything.

He left you to run the show. -Yes...

But when it came to it, he stood by me.

Hello.

Hello, Gregor. Sorry.

Hang on a sec.

No.

In six days.

I thought I'd be back by Monday.

I can't get away any sooner.

It doesn't suit me either.

You don't have to tell me how the book's doing.

What? I can't do anything about it.

Who was that?

MY agent.

Problems? -No.

That's your third glass.

It's okay. I was allowed it in rehab.

Look... for you. "Lorenz Meran - Black Light"

Thank you.

The reviews weren't good. They say you're repeating yourself.

Yes.

They always have something to say. -The print is tiny again!

No one can read that.

Know what?

Simply put it on the shelf with the others.

Want one? -Go on.

It's all right.

You should call for me. -I can manage.

Come on, I'll help you. -No.

Yes, we agreed.

I can manage. -Yes, of course...

What have you there?

The doctor said it will soon be all right again.

Leave it, I'll do it.

Come on, lift your foot.

No, lad, not again.

You need to do more sport.

Writers don't do sport!

Oh, no, shit.

Oh, no, please don't...

Don't do that.

Take that.

Where did you get that? -You can take it, it relaxes you.

These knock you out.

Junkies take them as a substitute. You can't just take these.

I got them from my roommate in rehab.

It's good medicine.

Does your doctor know? -Stop.

They haven't killed me, so you'll survive.

Take it.

Stop it, Dad. Leave me in peace.

Then they dropped bombs on the meteorite.

Where? -On the meteorite.

It's heading towards Earth and is a threat.

Will it fall on us? -Yes.

That's why a team of specialists is up there.

On the shuttle. -How do they get up there?

On the shuttle.

Oh...

Still alive? -Yes.

Feeling better? -My back is.

But I feel as though I've been hit by a lorry.

Hello. -This is Chantal.

Hello.

This is my son Lorenz. You know, the writer.

Chantal sometimes does my shopping.

And keeps me company, don't you?

Do you want another Coke?

No, I have to go home. Mum is waiting.

When should I come tomorrow?

Midday? -Yes, that's fine.

Don't forget the list.

Bye. -Bye.

I sometimes take care of her.

She's not the brightest, but she's an honest soul.

Parents were gypsies.

So folk here despise her.

But they still take advantage of her.

These stupid ants.

Whenever there's trouble they call on Chantal.

And then she gets five francs,

at the very most.

Oh,God.

That's much too dear. Take three of those there.

Certainly not. We'll take one, but a decent one.

No, come on, I want that one.

Oh, no, there's Trudi.

Hurry up, so she doesn't see us.

Too late.

Ah, hello! She'll tell us all about her spleen.

They removed it and left her with a bitter taste.

Don't tell her about my stroke or everyone will know.

Hello you two, hello, Anton.

What happened to you? Your joints not so good either?

Sprained my foot, nothing serious.

Heavens, it's Lorenz.

We hardly recognised you on TV. -Yes, it's been a while.

It was a very good report about you.

Is it a sort of homosexual... educational book?

Yes. -Right then...

It's nice you're visiting your mum, isn't it, Anton?

He hears everything, but can't speak.

After his third stroke Totally paralysed.

And they removed my spleen.

Now I have a bad taste in my mouth.

The doctors don't know why.

Hello, Rosie. -Found it?

Hello, Lorenz.

Remember me, don't you?

Marco... -Mario.

Oh, sorry. No, Mario, rig ht.

What is it? Bad back? -No, it's fine.

Lumbago. -I know what that's like.

Have you got the car? -No, we walked.

Mario can help you, can't you, Mario?

There's no need. -No, no!

You can't mess about with a bad back.

Are you living with them down there?

No, I took over a flat from a friend here in the town.

Anyway, it is very good of you to take care of them.

He broke off his studies in Zurich. -"Broke off"...

Not everyone would do that for their grandparents.

Actually, I'd already left uni by then.

Even so,

you came back because of them.

Here you are. -No...

I'm sure you can use it. -Okay, thanks.

That's fine.

I'm DJ-ing at this. If you feel like it...

Okay.

It would be great if you could come.

Okay.

Bye. -See you.

Nice lad, isn't he?

You can do it harder. Really scrub.

That's it.

Did you hear noises last night? -What noises?

In Sophie's room.

I couldn't see anything. It was probably the cat.

No, the cat won't go in there. She's afraid.

Probably Dad. He sometimes visits at night.

You're not serious, are you?

Do you think souls only visit just after they die?

Mum, I don't believe in ghosts. -Yes, yes...

Oh!Sorry.

Mum!

Nothing happened. -Ugh, no!

You are dreadful.

Oh, no.

A beer, please.

Thanks.

Of course I have a plan. - I had you down as the spontaneous type.

You think I just push buttons at random?

What?

Have you got a plan for this evening?

Very funny. I always have a plan.

Okay.

Go on in.

What about the beer?

We can have that later.

Sorry... hang on...

Sorry.

Wait... sorry.

Shit, my back.

That better? -Yes.

I knew it would get sexy.

What? You knew we'd fuck? -I hoped we would.

Somehow I thought it would happen.

I wrote you a letter.

A fan letter. -What?

You've long since forgotten. I was only 16.

Because of your first book.

I started to read it.

Then I jerked off.

Then I read on.

And I was blown away.

What did you study? In Zurich, right?

Linguistics.

But just three semesters.

Did you really come back because of your grandparents?

Yes, totally.

They brought me up.

Do you remember your parents?

I was very young.

How do you know? -It was in all the papers.

True.

They wanted to emigrate to Colombia.

They wanted to sort everything out before I joined them.

Then it all went badly wrong.

Apparently, the pilot was a depressive.

I'm sorry...

EASTER- LORENZ MERAN

LORENZ MERAN - THE BAD ONES

I DON'T WRITE FOR GOOD TASTE

Been.

Sorry,I have to go after all.

Because of my mother. I have to leave really early.

And I shouldn't leave her on her own now.

No worries.. -Is it okay?

Can I call you?

Sure.

Shall I key in the number? -Yes.

I'll just call it. -Okay, sure...

Okay? -Yes, thanks.

Well... ciao.

Bye.

Know what that means? They won't send anyone else.

She was lazy and slovenly and just chattered.

"We killed ourselves laughing."

She just served me ready meals.

I can manage better by myself. -So we see.

I simply slipped. It could happen to anyone.

How will you get to physio?

Who'll drive you to the doctor's? - Tixi taxi for OAPs.

I have Chantal too. -Of all people.

She just uses you.

Oh, stop it.

Where are you going?

Hello! We're talking to you!

To feed the cat.

Yes. Hello, Gregor, yes.

No.

Yes, okay, sure.

Yes, I'm back on Monday.

No, listen, I can write it here too.

Yes, okay. Look...

It's not a good time...

Not now... Yes, I'll read it through.

That's why you threw her out. Admit it. -You're mad.

You've had one too many now.

What are you doing? Give me the bottle!

Mum! It's your own fault if you end up in a home.

That's enough.

It's still up to me who comes and goes here.

You're not up to it. -Get out!

Don't take your frustration out on me.

It's not my fault your idiot is screwing another woman again.

Always that! Always that!

You too! Out!

It's no wonder she snaps, when you mention a home.

Someone has to tell her the truth. -No.

She already knows it. -Really?

And what does she do about it? It's all up to us.

Sophie.

It's so egotistical, but she always was.

20 years stacking shelves to support two children.

Not much fun. Now she's stuck there.

Don't worry. She got what she wanted.

What did she get from him with his depressions?

She cheated on him before that. -Yes, sure...

Sure, she sent him to his grave.

We still have to decide where we go from here.

I don't know. You can take care of it now.

I live in Berlin, Sophie! -What's to keep you there?

You can work just as well here.

You've never lifted a finger.

You even turned up late when he died.

It was my first book fair!

I couldn't just cancel it.

Think Dad could cancel his cancer?

Turn that bloody thing off!

Find a new carer, take her to Berlin. Do what you want.

I can't do anything else. I'm at breaking point.

I've thrown him out.

Take it, it's for you.

Don't you think you've had enough?

Don't you start too.

Mum, I'd like to talk. -Sit down.

In private, please.

I have no secrets from Chantal.

It's all right.

No, you stay there.

It's none of my business.

Bye then. -Bye.

Goodbye.

Bye.

What is it then?

What's to be done? -What?

Here, with you.

I've said all I have to say.

Mum...

Chantal isn't trained for this type of work.

Is she reliable? Can she come every day?

What if you fall again and no one's there?

I don't want anyone, that's it!

What will we eat? -I won't be here for the meal.

And you send Chantal away?

I can order you something in.

"Order"!

You don't need to order me anything.

I'll do some bread and cheese.

Stupid man. For God's sake.

It always ends in disaster for the protagonists in your novels.

Where does this fatalism come from?

That's not fatalism.

The problems of the modern era

are too complex for cathartic endings.

But your stories are cathartic. -I don't think of that when I write.

I don't think it possible to achieve the intended effect.

I have one last question.

What's it like coming back to the provinces after 20 years?

Less provincial.

But inescapable.

Inescapable? -You're tied to it.

Do you mind the label "gay writer"? -No.

I'm just sorry there's no label "heterosexual writer".

A good closing remark.

Many thanks. We'll publish the interview next week.

Excellent.

I look forward to your next book, Herr Meran.

Did I do something wrong? -No, you didn't.

It was just all too much for me.

Too much... because I wanted to cook you spaghetti?

Mario...

We just slept together once.

Look at us.

Do you know how old lam? -Yes.

You've got some sort of image of me.

Maybe from my books.

But you don't know me.

I can get to know you.

Mario, believe me...

Admiration isn't a good starting point.

I've been through all that.

It falls apart and causes nothing but pain.

You don't know that.

You don't know me either.

You act like I was a groupie! - So don't behave like one.

You found out about the interview. -Pure chance. I was passing and saw you.

Okay, sorry, forgive me.

Just forget it.

Right...

I'm off now.

Water full of bacteria.

Does no good, does no harm.

Right... I'll come for your birthday, all right?

Yes, fine.

Take care. -Bye... Go on, go!

I'm up here, in the bathroom.

Christ, what are you doing?

Come down, I'll do it.

No, it's done now.

With your foot. -it's all mended, look.

No, give it here.

Behind the door.

What's he doing here?

Trudi found out about my stroke after all.

Now she sends Mario with Tupperware boxes.

I've told her I can't eat that much.

But there's no discouraging her.

Hello.

Hello.

What are you doing?

The hinges were loose.

Are you looking after my mother?

"Looking after"? I help her a bit.

Careful you don't confuse things.

I think I can tell the difference between you and your mum.

Ready, Mario? We have to go. - I'll be right there.

Don't want to take the old girl with you?

Of course.

Where are you going? -Doctor's.

I'd rather pay him than the stupid taxi guy.

But I can take you. -No, not at all.

I've got a new one. The picture had gone.

A flat screen. You have to take a look, it's super.

Bye then.

Yes?

Where's my shelf?

What?

The shelf, where is it? -Hang on..

Downstairs, for my documents.

I finally tidied up again.

See what you want to keep. We'll get rid of the rest.

Okay?

Sleep well.

Beautiful.

You know, it reminds me of my childhood.

It's fine. It's all alright.

Opera? -Yes, opera.

You always listened to popular music.

What do you know?

I often watch classical concerts onTV.

He asked me what I like listening to.

Is he here every day? -"Every day",just when I need him.

Nothing else to do?

He doesn't have a job. This boosts his pocket money.

A CD player, isn't that a bit much?

He likes me.

Jealous, are you?

Rubbish.

Look...

he brought me this.

I wouldn't have seen it otherwise.

From your last interview.

Read it! It's good.

"An extraordinary piece of literature.

Mysterious and full of pain,

and both wise and full of tenderness."

Pity Dad isn't here to see it.

He'd have been proud.

He'd have been proud if I'd beaten up other boys.

Rubbish.

To him I was a wimp, just because I didn't want to box.

That's not true.

He always said, "My son is the first in the family to go to university.

Now he's smarter than his parents."

He would have been proud of you.

Come on.

I'll give you a proper massage. - No need.

Sure there is. Lie down, I'll just get something.

Should I rub it on your shirt?

Don't want to, do you...?

Where's this going?

Turn over.

What if Rosie turns up? -She's asleep.

I'll do that.

Actually, it was my gynaecologist.

But he was away skiing.

And he thought "I'll be back just in time", and so he was.

The junior doctors floundered around.

I thought he'd die. -Mum, no one wants to hear that.

He finally arrived and ordered a Caesarean.

So you came safely into the world. -That explains a lot.

What? -What indeed?

He was served up on a platter and didn't have to struggle out.

There's something in that.

So you'll go and train at the hospital?

It's not definite. -Don't you start in the autumn?

Yes, but something else has turned up.

Really? What?

A placement at a theatre.

And when?

In Berlin.

So you'll be a long way away.

Yes.

But what about your grandfather?

He has to go into a home. - Oh, does he? Right...

It's not working out at home. {curse not.

What's with Berlin?

Nothing to do with you. -Really.

Are you sure?

Don't worry, I think Berlin is big enough for the two of us.

There you are, at last. We have to go

I want a cognac. - No, that's enough, mum.

I have to take Silvan to the station.

And we wanted to go for a walk after. -Not me.

Come on, it's her birthday.

I'll bring it next week. -Look...

Isn't that Markus?

I'll go and say hello. -Stay put.

Or he'll come over. -So?

I don't want strangers at the table. - Markus, a stranger?

Hello.

Look at that, it's Lorenz.

You recognised me at once? -Yes.

It's been a long time.

Hello, Markus. -Hello.

What are you doing here?

A trip out... with Rosie.

Hello...

It's her birthday.

What about you?

Still got the farm? -Yes.

With all the animals? -No.

I'm too old for that.

I just have the bees now. The honey here is mine.

We read about you in the paper. -Really?

You've done well.

Go on, say it, while you're at it.

Think I don't know why you broke off the contact?

You have no idea.

You're shooting your mouth off as ever.

Of course.

Doesn't matter anyway.

What's wrong? -I'll go and pay.

Some birthday! She shouldn't have come.

What is it?

Is that all because of Markus?

She talks such crap.

She didn't even spare Dad's best friend.

You don't know what happened. And anyway, it's 30 years ago.

He wasn't the only one.

Know how Dad felt whenever she didn't come home?

And me? I thought she'd left.

I don't want a country boy

You can tell by looking at me...

She's to blame for everything. For your problems with Alex, too

You're such an asshole. -And you're a grown-up.

Oh, what about you?

Running after boys when you could be their father? Is that grown-up?

It's the other way round, Sophie.

Hello... Hi.

Jesus, they've got a face on them again!

Want to sit, hm?

Mum, what is it?

Are you not feeling well? Wait.

Sophie... it's always "Dad, Dad, poor Dad..."

Careful.

Hold on tight, stretch your leg.

Hold on...

Careful.

No, this way.

I was always there for you both. Wasn't I?

Yes, you were.

Come here now, mum.

Careful...

You didn't know what it was like with him.

Sit down.

Don't I have the right to a bit of joy too?

It's all right, yes.

Come on.

She does nothing but nag me.

Lie down.

It wasn't me he ran after.

Go to sleep now.

Rear gunner.

What?

Butt-fuckers, every one of them.

What did you say?

Mum?

You just rest now.

No living it up today, all right, Frau Meran?

No.

I wish you a speedy recovery. - Thanks.

Goodbye, Doctor, thank you.

Have a nice day.

Don't worry. lt's just her circulation.

But if she's not better by this evening please call me, all right?

I will, thank you. -Goodbye then.

Shall I make you a tea?

No,thanks.

Chantal, come here for a minute.

May I have a look in there, please?

Did you bring her this?

I told you not to.

It wasn't me -Who else could it be?

Maybe she bought it herself.

It was me...

Okay, I'm sorry, Chantal.

Let me have that.

You can go, sorry. Come back tomorrow, okay?

Sorry.

Good bye. -I'm sorry.

Bye.

She said she needs it for her circulation.

How stupid are you? "For her circulation"!

My mother is an alcoholic. You may have noticed?

You have a drink with her. -Are you mad?

She collapsed. She needed a doctor.

Is it serious? -She's sleeping now.

Can I come in? -No.

Who says so? Does she? -I do.

I don't want you using her for your stupid games.

What stupid games? -Mario, we know why you're here.

Sure I'm here because of you, too.

I want to help you. -I don't need your help.

Look to yourself, before playing the good Samaritan.

Selfless Mario helps everyone and needs nothing himself.

Do you think I believe that?

You’re just afraid. -Of what, Mario?

I'm afraid, yes, wow. Of what, of you?

So what happened between us?

Nothing.

Sex, yes, wow, I was horny. Okay?

You're the same wanker that's in your books.

Feeling better?

Here.

I'll have it later.

All rig ht.

Thank you.

Mum...

The thing you said yesterday? Did you mean Markus?

What about Markus?

Something like... it wasn't you he was running after.

When did I say that? -Last night.

When I put you to bed.

I don't remember that.

TO MY FRIEND CLEMENS - MARKUS

I put her to bed and was about to leave.

Then I heard her say,

"Butt-fuckers, every one of them." -"Butt-fuckers"?

"Butt-fuckers". -She said that? -Yes.

She said "butt-fuckers" and...

that it wasn't her he was running after.

Who was it, then? Dad, or what?

She's losing it.

Don't believe her, do you?

Have you seen his photo album?

It's all young men.

All in vests.

Athletes, boxers... -You're joking, aren't you?

Not a single picture of a woman.

So now she says it's his fault she cheated on him?

Hello.

Hello. You got it? Thanks. -I'll hang it up, okay?

He had a change of heart.

It's that easy.

No, it's not.

I'm not as strong as you.

I need this.

I can't manage on my own like you.

Otherwise... -Otherwise what?

No, stop.

Is it okay? -Yes, sure.

Perhaps another time.

Sorry to wake you, but we're closing.

We have to clean up.

You can come back in two hours when we open again.

Thanks.

Hello, Markus.

Hello.

I thought you were your father.

It gave you a shock.

My eyes aren't so good.

Listen...

it's because of my father I'm here.

What happened between you three?

Sophie says you were after mum.

It was him, wasn't it?

He was afraid.

Your father wanted to be a normal man.

Afraid of what?

He knew what I wanted from him.

He kept coming here just the same.

At first I thought,

it was just friendship.

Nothing would come of it.

But then he stayed the night here.

We had been drinking...

After that he broke off all contact.

I couldn't visit you anymore.

SQ?

Do you think he had another guy after that?

I don't think so.

That's why he did so much sport.

To counter it.

But you can't kill your desire.

That's unhealthy.

What about you?

Did you fall in love again?

Yes.

But it was never the same again.

Hello.

What's up with you?

Shall we go?

What's this about? -I went to see Markus.

I thought you might know about it. -What?

How could we have? I didn't know.

Nor did Lorenz, did you?

You should have told us.

What was I to say?

That I ruined his life?

It's not easy for me.

What do you mean?

I was so naive.

I thought all would be fine if they didn't see each other.

Dad would certainly have been happier if I'd let him go.

I saw them together once...

They were working on Markus' farm.

I was taking them something to eat. It was a hot day.

They'd taken off their shirts.

I had rarely seen Dad so happy.

The looks they exchanged were enough. I understood.

At first I wanted to go up to them and say,

"You can go and live your life."

I didn't.

I waited a few days, then said to Dad

I'd heard rumours in the village about Markus.

I asked him if he knew.

He was so shocked and disputed everything.

After that Markus never visited us,

and we never spoke about him again.

But I did love him.

Despite everything.

It's all right.

Your mother is stable.

Don't worry yourselves.

But she will need care in the future.

It's hard at home, she won't let herself be helped.

Then perhaps you should look at a care home.

Your mother needs to be in a controlled environment.

If possible, around the clock.

I should say that when she was admitted,

her blood alcohol level was 1.8 promille.

If she has another heart attack in that state

she probably won't survive.

That's all I can tell you at the moment,

but if you have any questions at all,

do just ask me.Thank you.

All the best. -Thank you.

Goodbye. -Goodbye.

Hello.

Well, how are you?

Fine.

Can I come in?

What I said to you

when we last saw each other...

I was at breaking point.

With the whole situation,

Rosie...

my sister...

All the family stuff.

I'm sorry, I took it out on you.

Rosie isn't well.

What's wrong?

She had a heart attack.

She was in rehab, now she's back home.

And I thought perhaps you could...

I think she misses you.

I don't think that's a good idea.

I'll just mess things up. You don't want that, do you?

I'm moving soon,anyway.

What, Berlin?

It doesn't matter.

Mario, I...

What?

L...would of course pay you.

Obviously.

Take care, Lorenz.

Come on, puss-puss...

ls everything all rig ht? Can I help you?

Mum... This is my mother. Come on.

Thank you very much.

What is it? Come on, mum The puss-cat...

Thank you very much.

Chantal is moving away too.

She's found a job inThurgau.

What will I do without the cat?

What if you come to Berlin with me?

What would I do in such a big city?

And the two of us in a flat...

Are you mad?

Mum, we'll find a solution.

We'll definitely find something. -Yes.

I'm frozen.

We can't work like this.

She won't listen to us.

She's started drinking in the morning.

And she refuses her medicine. -Rubbish, it's all lies.

They make such a fuss about every sip.

She won't wear the emergency alert wristband.

Wear it yourselves. I'm not a guinea pig.

Mum, please.

So what does it mean? -Your mother needs 24-hour care.

You see.

We can no longer take responsibility for her here.

"24-hour care"? - I'm sorry but...

The only option is a home -Yes...that would suit you!

You won't find anyone now to care for her at home.

How can we do we do this, overnight?

Yes, exactly. -Everything is in place.

You've already taken a look and got an impression,

of how things are over there.

I've got a brochure that tells you all you need to know.

Hear that? -And if not,don't hesitate to call me.

Don't hesitate. Feel free to call.

There, look at him.

He's cute. -Yes?

See how nicely he's laughing.

When would it be possible?

Ideally straightaway. -Yes, so you can bugger off.

It's hard for everyone.

But that is all I can tell you at the moment.

See you again, Frau Meran. -I think not.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

I'll see you out.

Stupid women.

Know what?

I'll cook you something.

Liver, as you like it so much.

Christ, what are you doing? -Upsadaisy!

Can you get "P?

I'll put you to bed. -Where?

You can lie down for a bit.

Bye, all... -Come on, let's go.

Where am I going? -To bed.

Can I sit for a bit, or not?

It's better you lie down.

Feet up.

She's still asleep.

It's too late now, anyway.

Are you sure? -Come on.

Are you going back to it? -No!

Are you writing something?

What about?

About her and Dad.

Aren't you too close to it?

I feel I have to do something to make amends.

Me too.

But I can't take her in to live with me!

No. No one is asking you to.

It's strange.

She clung to Dad, and I'm doing the same with Alex.

I wanted to prove I had a proper family.

"Never be like him!"

I always thought.

That's scuppered now.

I'd like to come to Berlin again.

Sure, when can you all come?

Just me. I'll come and disturb you.

Yes. Good.

Good morning.

Good morning!

Sophie.

I'm sorry, it seems I was asleep when you arrived.

Come on then.

Breakfast': ready.

Then you just ran away.

And at the same time Dad lunged against the door.

The door came off its hinges.

Dad went sailing down along with...

along with...

along with the door down the stairs...

We all thought he was dead.

Broken neck or some such.

But then Dad crawled out from under the door.

Not a scratch.

That was funny.

We should go.

Where are we going?

Oh, to the shops.

You're right, the fridge is almost bare.

Right then,

Let's go!

I'm not getting out... No.

No!

He has no say in the matter!

I'll do it myself. I'll do it...

I'm coming...

What about the house?

There's no hurry.

I'll stay on a few days

and take care of the essentials.

And we can see in due course.

Hello.

What do you want?

Is it about Rosie?

No.

She's in the old people's home.

Since when?

Today.

I miss you.

This is out of the question now, sorry.

Lorenz... bin it, right? -Chuck it.

What about the table?

Shall we keep it?

I'll take it. -Okay.

All okay?

That's my father's. He made mattresses. Upholsterer.

Do you want to throw it away?

Shall we take it to Berlin?

I'll throw it away. Look away.

Look.

Hello. -Good to see you.

Let's go and have a ciggie.

See you later.

They're stingy with the wine here.

I get my first glass at 2:00 in the afternoon.

It costs as much as a whole bottle at home.

Why don't you join one of these groups?

There's a painting course. - Why would I paint here?

I don't paint at home.

As long as you're not bored...

Not much doing here. That's just how it is.

Penultimate stop. The cemetery is behind us.

Why beat about the bush?

How are you?

Good, thanks.

I've been very busy.

The book is nearly ready. -Good.

Happy with m.

Yes.

Mum... I've been back to the house...

I don't want to know.

Let's get back. You have a long journey ahead.

How is Mario?

Where did that come from?

Lorenz, I'm your mother.

Do you still see each other?

Yes.

You can bring him along.

She smiles at him as she brings him the bill.

Only at him, he'd noticed that for a while.

He sees that she is good at her work. He likes that.

Perhaps it could be.

Perhaps he just hasn't met the right woman yet.

Perhaps she is the right one.

As he pays, he steels himself.

"Miss Rosie, may I buy you a coffee?"

BABELFISCH TRANSLATIONS Rosi Jillett