Original subtitles

I wish I were a man, to swim naked in the river.

How brave.

The things you say, Rosita.

Yeah, and have the water running all over your thingy, how nice!

Yeah, that's right.

Before you jump in the water, take the boy off me.

He's breaking my back.

- I'm sorry. - Come, Salvador, come here.

Let's see. Look, here's a stick for you to play.

- Okay. - All right.

- Mari, help me with the sheets. - Coming.

The little soapy fish.

Look! There they are.

The little soapy fish.

Sing a song for us, Rosita.

How beautiful.

- By your side - Look how beautiful they are.

By your side Always by your little side

Always by your little side

Until from pain I die

I couldn't look into your eyes

I couldn't knock at your door

Salvita, don't move from there, okay?

I couldn't step at night

On the cobblestones of your alley

By your side Always by your little side

Always by your little side

Until of love I die

Look, they say and say

Look at that afternoon

Look how it went and came

From his house to the poplar grove

And that way, looking and looking

Come on, girl.

That's how my blindness

Started

Salva.

It's Zulema.

What a surprise!

- Darling. - I'm so happy to see you.

Can you have a coffee with me, or are you in a hurry?

What will you do if you don't write or film?

- Live, I guess. - I can't live without acting.

It's getting more difficult,

but I take everything they offer me.

Do you see Alberto?

- I think he was in Argentina. - No, no, in Mexico.

He was working on some soap operas, but he's back now.

I bumped into him at a Latin film festival on the Riviera Maya.

He was lovely. It was some time ago, but it was a very, very nice meeting.

Have you seen him?

No, no. I haven't seen him since the premiere of Flavor.

But that was... 30 years ago.

Thirty-two.

You know, I saw the movie again last week.

- You hadn't watched it again? - No, not since the premiere.

And it's wrong to say this, but it moved me.

I've always loved it.

No, the cinematheque restored the negative, and they're going to hold some screenings.

They asked me to present it, and I thought it would be good to do it with Alberto.

I'm glad you're not holding a grudge.

The bastard never did the character I wrote.

I wanted to kill him.

But... I don't really hold grudges.

Having seen the movie again, his acting is better now than 30 years ago.

It's your eyes that changed, honey.

It's the same movie.

Do you know how to find him?

He lives in El Escorial.

Yeah, at somebody's house.

He works once in a while,

but he looks good, without giving up... Well, you know what I mean.

I'm surprised it's you who's not working.

I always thought you'd be the one to never retire.

Same here.

- Do you still have the same number? - Yeah.

I'll send you his contact info, and I'll send mine too,

in case you ever get bored and write something only I can do.

Here we are. I leave you with Father José María.

Good morning, boys.

The first thing we're going to do is choose the members of the chorus.

Has anybody sung in a chorus before? Raise your hand.

Okay, we're going to have a test.

You, come here. Yes, you.

- What's your name? - Rodolfo.

Rodolfo, let's check out your vocalization.

Repeat after me.

You, next to him.

What's your name?

- Salvador. - Beautiful name. Do you like to sing?

- I don't know. - But you like music, right?

Yes, I like The Beatles and movies.

Well, here we will broaden and direct your tastes towards less pagan subjects.

Let's do a vocalization test.

Let's warm up those voices, boys.

That's how I became the chorus soloist.

The priests decided that I shouldn't go to geography and history classes,

or science and art history.

The first three years of high school,

I rehearsed during the hours of those classes

and I always passed.

They made me into a complete ignoramus

who passed every class without actually taking the exams.

GEOGRAPHY

Eventually, I became a film director.

And I started to learn Spanish geography

by traveling to promote the films I directed.

I traveled because I was successful.

My knowledge of geography matched the expansion of my career.

ANATOMY

I started to know my body

through pain and illness.

I lived my first 30 years pretty much in the dark,

but soon I discovered that my head and what was inside it,

besides being a source of pleasure and knowledge,

held infinite possibilities for pain.

Soon I found insomnia,

chronic pharyngitis, otitis, acid reflux, ulcers, and intrinsic asthma.

Nerves in general and the sciatic nerve in particular.

And all kinds of muscular pain:

Lumbar, dorsal, tendinitis, both knees and shoulders.

This is tinnitus.

I have it too.

This is wheezing.

I also suffer from this.

Besides tinnitus and wheezing,

headaches are my specialty.

Migraines, tension or cluster headaches,

and back pain.

From my lumbar spinal-fusion surgery,

which immobilized more than half of my back,

I found that my life would revolve around the spinal column.

I became aware of each one of the vertebrae

and the amount of muscles and ligaments

that make up the mythology of our body.

And just like the Greek gods,

the only way we can relate is through sacrifice.

But not all is as physical and illustratable.

I also suffer from abstract sorrows.

Aches of the soul, like panic and anxiety,

that add angst and horror to my life.

And of course, I have toggled with depression for years.

On the nights where several aches coincide,

those nights I believe in God.

And I pray.

On the days that I only have one kind of pain,

I'm an atheist.

It's here, it's here.

All right.

- Keep the change. - Thank you, sir.

- Bye, thank you. - Good day.

Who is it?

Alberto, it's Salvador.

Salvador who?

Salvador Mallo.

What are you doing here?

I need to talk to you.

- About what? - Flavor.

Can I come in?

Want something to drink?

Whatever you're having.

I was making some tea.

Okay, then.

Oh, look.

FLAVOR

I love the fact that you have Flavor here.

Why have you come?

It took me 32 years to reconcile myself with this film.

Thirty-two years.

Beautiful.

What are those trees, firs?

Pine.

Are you gonna fucking tell me why you came to see me after 32 years?

The cinematheque restored Flavor.

They decided it's a classic,

and they included it in a series of movies shot in Madrid.

They called to ask if we could present it together.

And they don't know we haven't talked to each other since the shoot?

If they know, they didn't say anything.

Alberto,

gossip gets old, like people.

- Listen, do you mind if we sit down? - No, no, sit down.

Thank you very much.

But why do you want to present it together now?

Because you didn't present it at the premiere.

Because you didn't let me, fag.

That's why I think it's fair that both of us present it at the cinematheque.

Who gave you my address?

Zulema.

I bumped into her and we talked about you.

Listen, I'm gonna chase the dragon. If it repulses you, you can go.

And we'll call each other for the cinematheque thing.

Can I have some?

I don't recognize you, Salvador.

- What, it's your first time? - Yeah.

And why do you want to try heroin now?

I'm curious.

You must be doing research for something.

The drop, the drop, the drop.

Salvador.

Salva.

Salva!

Come here and help me.

Mom, I found a novel.

Very good, put it there.

Grab this.

How the hell could I know it was a holiday here?

It's not a holiday in our town.

I didn't know either.

What a night we're going to have, son.

How embarrassing.

Open the chocolate, Salvador.

Okay, Mom.

Mom, there are two trading cards.

Leave them, son. Come on, let's eat.

Liz Taylor and Robert Taylor. Do you think they're brother and sister?

Well, I guess.

Eat.

Oh, what a shame, son.

We're here like gypsies.

I like the station.

You're so imaginative. I don't know who you got that from.

Cover yourself, don't get sick.

Oh, my God, what's that tomato?

I hadn't seen that.

Give it to me. I'll stitch it.

Look, with the egg.

Move over there, go to sleep.

Did you know that your dad in the army...

learned how to sew and mend and iron shirts?

He was very good at it.

Do you think I'll join the army?

I guess you'll have to, son.

I don't want to join the army.

And I don't want you to go. That's useless.

- Mom. - Yes?

Do you think Liz Taylor mends Robert Taylor's socks?

I don't know.

In the pictures, she doesn't look like she likes sewing.

Are you okay?

Don't forget to breathe, eh?

No.

My God, what a long night. I thought we were never gonna make it.

I told you to wait a few days until I was settled in.

- Your mother was sick of us. - Don't say that.

Oh, no? Do you know what she said three days ago?

"This month's bread bill has skyrocketed." Can you believe it?

Don't mind her, woman. You know how she is.

I won't be a burden on anyone.

That same day I packed our bags, and here we are.

Salva! Salva, come here.

- Or do you prefer to be alone? - Jacinta, please, don't say that.

I'm just saying, you could've waited a few days.

- Is it much further? - No.

We're here.

Our house is here?

We're on top of it.

What do you mean, on top?

On top.

- A cave? - It's the best I could do.

- For chrissake, Venancio, a cave? - Salva, come on, let's go.

But how are we going to live in a cave?!

There are more than 300 families living in caves. It's typical of this village.

There's no shame in that.

Is this our house, Dad?

This is it, son. This is it.

A cave!

Oh, my God.

Leaving town and coming here was your idea.

What would they say if they saw us now?

I haven't had time to whitewash, that's why I wanted you to wait a little.

Everything's a mess.

It still needs some fixing up.

Mom, look, the sky!

Look.

I cleaned up the best I could.

Are you happy we came?

Jacinta, I wanted something else for you.

You think I'm happy bringing you to a cave?

There wasn't anything else.

It's okay. I'll fix it so it looks like a house.

Come on.

But your mother, really...

Complaining about the bread in front of the kid.

Look, he loves it.

I don't want you to be so serious. You look ugly.

Dad, can I sweep up?

No, I need a taxi to pick me up at...

One second.

- What's the address? - 89 Ponton Street.

89 Ponton Street.

In San Lorenzo de El Escorial, yeah.

The destination is 108 Paseo del Pintor Rosales.

Yeah, Madrid. That's right.

Good, very good. Fifteen minutes, fine, thanks.

- The cinematheque thing is clear, right? - Yeah.

On the 18th. In three weeks.

- I'm already thinking about the outfit. - Good.

But we'll talk before that, won't we?

- Okay. - What are you doing?

Aren't we going to kiss like old lady friends?

We even chased the dragon together.

Okay, okay.

Hello.

Mrs. Mercedes called and said to call her when you can

- Hello. - It's... It's me.

Salvador, is it true about the cinematheque?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Keep me updated. Don't ignore me so much.

I was gonna tell you.

I love that they're showing Flavor and that you're going out.

But are you sure you want a Q&A?

- It'll be packed. - No, I don't want a Q&A.

But I'm curious to see if the film has survived these past 30 years.

Don't doubt it.

But if you decide not to go, tell me and I'll fix it, okay?

It's better to cancel now than at the last minute.

All right, bye.

I'm leaving, do you need anything?

- No, thanks, Maya, see you tomorrow. - See you tomorrow.

"I was the loneliest man death has ever seen.

I entered the room where Johannes was.

He had turned around and curled up, so there was no room for me.

When I tried to make some space, he woke up and we made love.

But loneliness was with me and I couldn't expel it from my heart.

We were as close as two people can be,

but each one in his own world."

Hi. Weren't you going to open the door?

I wasn't expecting anybody and I have a headache.

- I can leave if you want me to. - No, come in now that you're here.

Do you live like this?

- In the dark? - When I have a headache, yes.

Poor guy. What a great house you have, man.

Want something to drink?

Any kind of alcohol.

Wonderful.

What...? What should I do? What...?

Breathe through your nose. Through your nose.

Through your nose.

Wait, wait. Water.

Calm down. Here.

Wait. Breathe.

Drink.

Careful. Drink. Slowly, slowly, slowly.

Fuck! I choke on everything.

Fuck, it was scary. I thought you were choking to death.

I'm okay. It happens every once in a while. And it's horrible.

THE ADDICTION

"My idea of the movie theater was always linked to the breeze of summer nights.

We only watched movies in the summer."

Movies were screened on a huge whitewashed wall.

I remember especially the movies with water.

Waterfalls, beaches,

the bottom of the ocean, rivers or springs.

Hearing the sound of the water made us kids want to pee really bad.

And we would do it right there, on both sides of the screen.

My childhood movie theater always smells like pee.

And jasmine. And a summer breeze.

What are you doing there?

I'm reading you.

I just read "The Addiction."

Well, you shouldn't.

I had to do something. You were groggy.

May I?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, delicious!

Hey, I loved the short story, man.

It's not a short story.

Okay, whatever it is.

It could be brought to the stage just like it is.

- Thanks, but it's not a dramatic text. - Doesn't matter.

I could interpret it. I know very well what it's about.

You? You're on the opposite side of that text.

You forget, I'm an actor. And I'm very good at suffering.

Salvador, I need to act again.

I climbed down my pedestal a long time ago.

Look, I'm in contact with the Mirador Theater.

I know it's a very small theater, very "off,"

to stage Cocteau's Le Bel Indifférent.

With men, to give it a twist.

But to tell you the truth, I prefer your text by far.

Give me a copy

- and I'll give it to the director. - Stop, stop.

I don't get it. Why'd you write it?

I wrote it to forget about it, but I don't want to talk about that.

Would you mind giving me the rest of it? Here.

I'm not a drug dealer, man. Here.

It's yours.

But manage it with discretion.

Because these late discoveries are the worst. And you look like a killer.

Hey, think about what I told you about the Mirador Theater.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Is your headache gone? - Completely.

- See? - That's right.

Think he's on his way?

I don't know. You handled this yourself.

I don't get it. I showed him the restoration, he loved it.

- The bathroom? - Yeah, on the left.

Why don't you call him?

- Is there gonna be a Q&A? - Yes, yes, yes. The director's on his way.

All right.

The cinematheque.

Yeah, right, right.

I can't believe it, man.

You make such a big deal and then you don't show up.

The trouble I went through to borrow this jacket...

You go.

How can I go by myself?

- I don't want them to see me like this. - How?

We're not going to a beauty pageant, it's a fucking Q&A.

I don't want them to see me drugged and hesitant.

Once you go on-stage, you get invigorated.

You've been great.

Hey, that was before. And I didn't smoke heroin.

- Salvador, where are you? - At home.

Still? The movie ended, the audience is waiting.

Oh, yeah?

I'm with Salvador Mallo.

We both were thinking about coming.

Alberto Crespo is with me.

And the protagonist, Alberto Crespo.

Would you mind applauding again so they can hear it? Maybe they'll come, then.

- Is everybody listening? - Yes, Salvador.

Well, I would like to apologize to the audience.

I didn't feel good at the last minute.

I'm with Alberto Crespo.

He stayed here with me.

Salvador, excuse me.

Someone is raising his hand, I think he wants to ask you something.

It's a small question for the director.

Mr. Mallo, what do you think about Alberto Crespo's interpretation in the film?

Some say that you didn't like it and you two grew apart because of it.

Salvador, did you hear the question?

Yeah, yeah, I heard it.

I read that you had an argument after Flavor.

That you hadn't seen each other.

Look... Time is mysterious.

I saw the film again a month ago, and I think Alberto's interpretation

has improved a lot since the premiere.

What was it that you didn't like then?

His tediousness.

His lethal rhythm.

I conceived a dynamic character,

a funny, sarcastic cocaine addict.

Alberto didn't have the lightness I was asking for.

Not because he was incapable,

but because he used the opposite drug of his character, heroin.

And, well, the rhythm of his interpretation

was more serious, and the humor of the text disappeared.

But I have to be fair. Now I believe that seriousness suits the character.

It gives him... weight.

How dare you.

I wasn't planning on saying it, but it's done.

Be careful with me, eh?

I won't allow you to humiliate me again.

- Who the fuck do you think you are? - I just told the truth.

Before filming, you promised me you wouldn't use heroin.

I gave you the role on that condition and you lied!

You did whatever the hell you wanted and I had to tell you someday!

You're fucking crazy.

- I gave him all the messages. - Right.

He's been avoiding me.

- Are you sure he's okay? - He eats very little and chokes a lot.

Puree everything you make.

- Does he go out for walks? - I don't see him.

But he walks around the house, in the hallway.

Right.

I saw some moccasins at the entrance, and he never liked moccasins.

He wears them. Even though he has tons of nice tennis shoes.

Maya, tell him you don't mind tying his shoes or his tennis shoes.

It must be hard for him to tie his own shoelaces. Poor thing.

Sure, I tell him that, Mrs. Mercedes. But he doesn't want me to.

I think he's embarrassed, and I feel sorry for him.

I don't know what to do.

Well, smile and take care of him.

And if you see something strange, call me.

Mrs. Mercedes, everything's strange here.

Right.

May I help you?

I don't know.

What are you looking for?

Two stamp bags.

Ten euros.

- Ten euros? - Yeah.

But don't bring me some shitty thing. If it's good, I'll come back.

Give me the money.

- No, no, no. When you bring the merchandise. - You pay cash now.

Wait for me here.

Come on! I'm gonna kill you. Come on!

- Come on! - Want to fight?

Faggot, come on!

- Faggot! - Come on, I'm gonna kill you, come on!

Come here. Come here.

Come here! Come on!

Look at the kid. So little and look at him reading.

Listen, do you know how to write too?

Yes.

How much would you charge us for writing a letter to my aunt in Bilbao?

I don't know.

What's going on?

We wanted your son to write a letter for us.

Because my boyfriend is illiterate.

When am I gonna learn, if I'm working all day long?

If you didn't waste your time drawing...

- Are you a bricklayer? - And a painter.

Right. It's a shame that you're illiterate, being so handsome.

My Salvador can teach you to read and write.

Right?

In the evenings, when you're done with work.

At the best time for you.

- Could you teach me math too? - Yes.

Of course. The four rules, so nobody cheats you.

It's backwards to be illiterate in this world we live.

I'll bring pen and paper to write the letter, okay?

- How much would you charge us? - Nothing, woman. Nothing.

Since you're a bricklayer,

you could help me finish the kitchen and paint the walls a little bit, eh?

- Whenever you can. - It can only be Sunday.

Sundays, all right.

In exchange, my Salvador will teach you to read and write, the four rules,

and today's letter for free.

Thank you.

A, B, C,

CH, D...

Eduardo, when are you putting the sink in? I have to wash everything in these buckets.

I wanted to finish whitewashing the walls first.

No, the sink is more urgent.

I'm used to the walls like this.

It's just that Salvador gives me a lot of homework, and I don't have time.

Salvador?

If he wants to learn to read and write,

- he needs to memorize the alphabet. - Okay.

Come on, Eduardo. Start again.

A, B, C,

CH, F, J...

No, Eduardo.

It's F, G, H, I, J, K.

- You said it right before. - There are too many letters.

Stop complaining. It is what it is.

No, Eduardo. You don't hold it like that, give me the pencil.

Look. You hold it like this, okay?

Now you do it.

- Like this? - Yes, yes.

No, Eduardo. You don't have to hold it so tight.

Relax your hand. I'll guide it.

- U... - U...

I'm a little nervous.

It's okay. It's much better.

- Do you like to draw? - A lot.

Then you'll learn to write very quickly.

Because writing is like drawing but with letters.

Now you do it by yourself.

That's it.

Read the sentence.

"One...

holy...

catholic...

apostolic."

"One, holy, catholic, apostolic."

Who's that?

Spain. Who else?

Write it all continuously.

Very good, Eduardo. You're stopping much less than before.

There are tons of invitations.

- It wouldn't hurt you to go out somewhere. - "Cecil Beaton."

- I'll go with you wherever you want. - I wish.

The dance season started.

Dimitris Papaioannou and Jan Fabre are coming to the Canal Theaters.

Public theater seats are the most uncomfortable for me.

And I don't want to leave in the middle.

Have you seen Dr. Galindo?

No. I'm fed up with doctors.

How do you get the oxycodone?

A friend gets it for me. His mother's a pharmacist.

This book came for you.

"How to End Counterculture."

Whatever.

The Guggenheim is asking us for two Pérez Villalta paintings, for an anthology.

No, no. Tell them no.

Those paintings are my only company. I live with those paintings, Mercedes.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Talk to me.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, I'm listening.

I have to go. I can't... I can't keep talking.

It's none of your business where I am.

Is there something wrong?

No.

Luis and I are splitting up.

I didn't know you had problems.

I didn't want to bother you.

This is an old issue and...

And now that I have to be at home so much, I couldn't keep lying to myself.

I'm sorry.

So, if you don't mind,

I would like to keep taking care of your mail.

People like getting an answer.

But it's always a no.

Well, you should do something.

You have too much free time to think about your illnesses.

Give your brain something to entertain itself.

I'd like to do some things too, Mercedes.

You could write.

You have a ton of documents full of ideas to develop. I'll make you a list.

No, I don't want to write if I can't film it.

You know better than anybody that I can't face a shoot in this state.

Without filming, my life has no purpose.

But that's just how things are.

Call me, okay?

- Call me for whatever you need. - Yeah.

Jacinta,

the cave looks beautiful.

Oh, and that light, my God, it's wonderful.

It rains sometimes.

You can't be so selfish, Jacinta.

Rain is necessary. Think of the countryside, of farmers.

- Well, it's true. - Of course.

Okay, Salvador. Let's see...

Since your mother told me that, at 9 years old, you were a teacher, I thought:

"This boy must be for God."

He's always been ahead of boys his age.

- Do you like to teach, Salvador? - Yes.

- And would you like to study? - Yes, very much.

Why?

To know more and be able to teach more things.

Very good.

Very good. That's what I call a calling.

I'll talk to Father José María, and he'll take care of everything.

Thank you very much.

Salvador, next year, you're going to high school at a seminary.

We'll see how you behave. Not everybody gets a scholarship.

- So the scholarship is a sure thing? - Yes, woman.

Don't worry.

And we'll see how you make me look.

Think, you're one of the chosen ones.

Well, I'm leaving. I still have one visit to make.

- Don't you want some more juice? - No, thanks. It was really good.

Bye, Salvador.

The whitewashed walls look very nice, Jacinta.

- Yeah? It's better. - It's beautiful.

To tell you the truth, I'm quite jealous of you.

Me?

Sure, you live in catacombs like ancient Christians.

Well, yeah, that's right.

Should I come sew on Sunday?

Yes, I'll see you on Sunday at home.

- Thanks a lot. - You're welcome.

- Mom. - What, honey?

Is a seminary the place to become a priest?

Yes.

Do you want me to make you the Spanish tortilla you like?

Handsome!

I don't want to be a priest!

You don't have to be.

Then why do you want me to go to a seminary?

Because the poor have no other way of studying. That's why.

What do you want me to do?

Salvador.

Salvador!

Salvador!

That boy...

Salvador! Come down from there!

- Come down. - I don't want to go to the seminary.

You can leave when you finish high school.

We'll figure out a way for you to have a career.

So you don't have to live like your father.

I don't want to go to school. I want to stay here.

And what will you do here, son?

What will you do here?

Break your back working in the fields? Or in construction? Is that what you want?

I don't want to be a priest.

"Life disgusts me as a useless medicine.

It is then when I clearly feel

how easy it would be to get away from this tediousness

if I had the simple strength to want to really push it away."

Who is it?

- It's me. - Go away.

- If you don't leave, I'll call the police. - Alberto, I'm here to negotiate.

I'll give you the rights to interpret "The Addiction."

I don't believe you.

- Go away. I'm busy. - I mean it.

I have here a copy of the text. Please, open the door.

If this is a trap, you'll leave more of a hunchback than you already are.

What, are you on a hunger strike?

Are you still thinking of doing everything at the Mirador Theater?

Yes.

But I have a lot of doubts. The text is very nice, but it's obsolete.

If you really give me "The Addiction," I'll get completely into it.

I would have to tell the people at the Mirador, of course.

Here it is.

Why the change?

I looked at the text, like you said, and...

- I'll tell you more if you give me some tea. - Sure.

Anything else?

Yes, I don't want to sign it. And don't say it's mine.

- I don't want to appear anywhere. - All right. Will you direct me?

No, no.

- Man, that would help. - No, no.

Give it to the theater, and let them read it and see if they're interested.

But don't give my name.

- So who's the author? - You are.

Or we make up a pseudonym.

No, no, no. I'll sign it. I'll sign it. But I don't get you.

It's a confessional text.

- I don't want anybody to identify me. - Right.

Regarding the staging,

I suggest an empty stage,

a screen, a chair.

If you don't know what to do with your arms and hands.

I know well what to do with my arms and hands.

After the corrections,

I admit, it is a bit less melodramatic.

Don't worry. I can also control melodrama.

My years in Mexico will be of use.

That's why I'm telling you, you must avoid sentimentalism.

Control your emotions, don't cry. You actors use any excuse to cry.

The better actor is not the one that cries, but the one that fights the tears.

Let me give you a kiss, you faggot.

Listen, if you don't mind, I'll start working right away.

If you want to stay, this is your house.

By the way, I have a ton of magazines from the '80s. You appear in some of them.

Dressed as a woman.

- You forget about that too soon. - Okay, but before, give me something.

And give me your dealer's address. Tell him I'll come myself to pick up the merchandise.

That's not necessary. Now they bring it to your house, like a pizza.

Lighter.

Here.

- No. Not yet. - Why?

I'm lowering my dose just enough to be able to work.

Can you do it?

How do you think I'm here?

Coming and going.

It's slavery.

But this play is vital for me.

And I must do it as clean as I can.

I don't want to lose one bit...

of the feeling you put into these pages.

Will you come see me?

I don't know. I don't think so.

This time I'm not doing Shakespeare.

Or Chekhov, or Lorca.

I'm doing you.

I'll feel terrible if you do it wrong.

And if you do it right, I'll feel much worse.

"My childhood movie theater...

always smells like pee."

And jasmine.

And a summer breeze.

I met Marcelo in a bathroom full of people.

It wasn't the first time I saw him.

But it was that night...

after casually rubbing against each other...

when I found out I liked that boy.

We spent the whole weekend in bed.

And without realizing it, a year had gone by.

And now we couldn't live without each other.

It was 1981...

and Madrid was ours.

One day, I found Marcelo paler than usual.

Lately, he had lost weight

and had dark circles under his eyes.

I asked him if he didn't feel well,

and he confessed he had started to fool around with heroin.

I was surprised because I had never tried it.

I drank and sniffed cocaine like everybody else.

But heroin, never.

I had a feeling that wasn't good, and I didn't like it.

I was in a whirlwind, I wrote a column on nightlife, I participated in music shows,

I sang in a parodic punk band, I was preparing my first film, I filmed it,

it was released, it was successful.

I wrote the second one, I filmed it.

I did a thousand things, I didn't sleep...

while Marcelo languished on the couch at home.

Or locked in the bathroom.

Or out of the house at someplace I didn't know about.

I would spend the night coming and going from the window to the bed.

Waiting to hear the sound of the door.

MIRADOR THEATER - ACTING SCHOOL

ADDICTION

Madrid had become a difficult arena,

like bullfighters say.

So we traveled a lot.

Anything to get out of Madrid.

The worst were the first few days.

While Marcelo recovered from the cravings, I took care of him...

and wrote.

I don't know how,

but I wrote.

Marcelo was very young, the cravings were short, three, four days.

Afterwards, we would go out and play like little kids.

I remember Ivory Coast.

Tens of strong young guys washing their clothes in the river.

On car tires.

The Malecón in Havana.

During the day or night.

Old Havana, sweetly pulsing to the rhythm of nonstop percussion.

I remember Mexico City.

Marcelo and I drunk,

listening to Chavela Vargas sing "La Noche de mi Amor."

I want

The happiness of a boat returning

A thousand bells of glory ringing...

The only reason for those trips was to escape Madrid.

Escaping from the heroin...

became my best learning experience.

In those trips, I found the inspiration

to write the stories that I would tell years later

and the colors that would illuminate them.

But we couldn't spend our lives traveling.

Sooner or later, we had to come back to Madrid.

And Madrid was a minefield, a dead-end street.

I was desperate, I didn't know what to do.

Except repeating myself.

The two of us repeated ourselves for three long years.

I believed the strength of my love would defeat his addiction.

But that didn't happen.

Love is not enough.

Love may move mountains...

but it's not enough to save the person you love.

Under the whitewashed wall where my childhood movies were screened,

I would pray so nothing bad happened to the protagonists.

But I didn't manage to do it.

Not with Natalie Wood or Marilyn.

Then I tried to save Marcelo and myself.

If Marcelo saved himself, it was far away from me.

And me, I stayed in Madrid.

And film saved me.

CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF

Come in.

Hello.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Come in.

- Do we know each other? - Yes.

I don't remember you.

A long time ago, when you were preparing Flavor with Salvador Mallo...

- I'm sorry, I don't remember. - We saw each other two or three times.

I'm Federico,

the Marcelo from your monologue.

- Did you like the show? - I don't know.

"Like" is not the word. It had a great impact on me.

- You were the one who was crying, right? - Yes, I guess.

Sit down.

I suppose you have some questions for me.

Is Salvador alive?

How was the show tonight?

Very good, it was sold out.

Too bad the theater's small.

That's better, it's more intimate.

A very intimate spectator came tonight.

Who?

I'll tell you if you promise to come watch me.

Who is the intimate spectator?

Federico.

Federico who?

Federico Delgado.

Your Marcelo.

He came to see me in the dressing room.

- Did he recognize the text? - Every word.

He asked me for your number and address.

- You didn't tell him anything else? - No.

I didn't say anything about you chasing the dragon.

Thanks. I'll come and see you sometime.

Right.

INCOMING CALL DECLINE - ACCEPT

CALL FROM ARGENTINA

Salvador?

- Yes. - Is it you?

I wouldn't have recognized your voice. It's Federico.

Federico.

I'm in Madrid.

What are you doing here?

I came to see some lawyers regarding an inheritance. I'm leaving tomorrow night.

I would like to see you.

Me too.

But I was already in bed.

Do you mind if we meet tomorrow?

Is noon okay for you? I have the meeting with the lawyer in the afternoon.

Perfect, yes.

I haven't asked you how you are.

Old.

Five years more than me, not one more.

And you, how are you?

I'm better now.

I was devastated when I left the theater.

I went to see The Addiction.

- And how did you know about it? - It was a coincidence.

I took a walk around Embajadores to see our street, I was in front of our house.

Of course.

The theater is up the street.

I went in to kill time and because I remembered Alberto Crespo from your movie.

And you found yourself suddenly...

Yes, suddenly.

I don't know how to ask you to forgive me.

I didn't know how you felt.

How much you suffered.

It was a good learning experience.

What?

You don't have to apologize.

I didn't do anything that I didn't want to do, Federico.

I tried to help you

- as much as I could. - And I'm thankful,

and I would like to be able to prove it someday.

Listen, look. I don't think I'll be able to sleep after this.

Would you give me 20 minutes to take a shower and get dressed,

and I'll see you at my house?

All right, yes.

Hello?

- This is Federico. Can you open the door? - All right.

It's been so long, son of a bitch. Come here.

Yeah.

So long.

Would you have recognized me if you saw me on the street?

I would've had to pay attention, but yes.

You have the same eyes.

- I'm sorry I made you get out of bed. - No, no. Come in.

It's like a museum.

Everything I've earned, I've invested it in this house and these paintings.

- I'll give you a tour later. - Yeah.

- What do you want to drink? - Anything. Tequila?

Sure, tequila.

In honor of Chavela.

When you mentioned her in your monologue, I couldn't hold my tears.

Well, all right.

Tequila for Chavela

- and to celebrate our reunion. - Yes.

I love your house.

Where do you live now?

In Buenos Aires.

You had an uncle in Buenos Aires.

Yes, I went there in '85.

- So soon? - Yeah.

Do you want the story now or after we make a toast?

- Cheers. - Cheers.

The story.

After we split up, I lived for a year with my parents.

At the time, the heroin routes didn't come through Argentina.

So I moved in with my uncle, and I started working at his restaurant.

I couldn't use because there wasn't any heroin.

So that was the best way to get clean.

I met Lucrecia, my wife.

We got married.

Now I have two older kids,

my own restaurant...

And in all these years, I've only come back to Galicia to see my parents.

This is the first time I've come to Madrid.

As you say in your monologue, Madrid had become

a difficult arena for me.

A minefield.

Too bad that you lived here.

I needed Madrid.

I also needed you.

But not in that state.

Love is not enough to save the person you love, you say it in your monologue.

Let's not talk about the monologue, it's a very sad text.

I was relieved when...

you said that while you took care of me, you continued to evolve as a writer

and a filmmaker.

Did you really feel that way?

You didn't interrupt anything, Federico.

On the contrary,

you filled my life like nothing and nobody...

has filled it until now.

So you hadn't come back to Madrid since then?

No.

But I followed everything you did.

And... And I was happy

when I recognized a scene that was clearly inspired by us.

Each one of your films was an event in my life, and I felt proud

because you were successful all over the world.

You are the only Spanish director that my family knows.

Your new family.

Yes.

Do they know anything else?

Do you mean about us?

Lucrecia, my wife. Well, my ex-wife, we're getting separated.

Yes, I told her. She doesn't know it was you.

She knows I was with a guy in Madrid for three years.

And I also told one of my sons to encourage him.

In time, I'll tell him it was you.

He's a film buff and he wouldn't forgive me if I didn't tell him.

Do you have a partner now?

Yes.

And you?

No, no.

- A man or a woman? - A woman.

My experience with men ended with you.

I don't know how to take that.

Take it as a compliment.

This is Mauro, the youngest one.

And this is Federico.

He's 22 now.

- He looks a lot like you. - Yeah.

He's the one I told about us.

Both very handsome.

You have to come to Buenos Aires, you will love that city.

And I'm sure it'll inspire you.

I want you to meet my family,

to come eat at the restaurant, to get drunk together.

For old times' sake.

Do you want me to stay tonight?

Of course I want you to.

But let's close our story as God intended.

We never cared about God, and we can close our story tomorrow morning.

Anyway, I'm glad to see...

that I still turn you on.

Me too, you are also turned on.

Yes, go, go. Go.

Yeah, I'm going.

You're right.

As always.

Remember, you promised to come and visit me in Buenos Aires.

Have a good trip.

- Thanks a lot for coming, really. - I'll call you to remind you about it.

Yes, Salvador?

- Mercedes, is this a good time? - Yes, yes, tell me.

Look, I would like to see Dr. Galindo as soon as possible.

- What did you have? - Nothing.

Just an anxiolytic two hours ago and some tequila shots.

Now I'm going to take my legal dose

of crushed pills with yogurt.

Want me to make an appointment with the gastroenterologist?

- Yes, as soon as possible. - All right.

- All right, bye. - Bye.

- Salvador Mallo? - Yes.

Come this way, please.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

- Good morning, doctor. - Morning, come in.

PAIN UNIT DR. A. GALINDO

Thank you for making room for us.

It's okay. Talk to me, Salvador.

My back is killing me.

The oxycodone has almost no effect.

We'll have to change the painkiller.

How come you didn't come earlier?

- I was in a very low mood. - Yes, he's been very depressed.

And what have you done to control the pain?

I started using heroin.

- And do you plan to keep using it? - No. That's why I'm here.

How often were you using?

Every two or three days.

In the end, every other day.

Smoked.

- And when was the last time you used? - The night before last.

Am I gonna have withdrawal symptoms?

A little, but with a compassionate and controlled detox, you won't suffer.

Compassionate and controlled?

Yes, that's what it's called.

Do you have someone to assist you?

Yeah, yeah. I'll be with him.

And how have you controlled this day and a half that you haven't used?

With anxiolytics

and an iron will.

Well, you'll continue to need that iron will

because your mind already knows the effect of heroin,

and that's something you don't forget.

Are you still taking Pamelor for your head?

Yes, and everything else.

For asthma, blood pressure,

insomnia, yes.

But I need you to help me especially with my back pain.

And to put some order in everything I'm taking.

Also with the migraines.

The back pain and headaches...

completely cripple me.

I understand.

Do you have any projects, Salvador?

Yes, improving my quality of life.

I'm talking about work.

It'd be good for you to stay busy.

Don't you miss it?

Not a day goes by that I don't think of it.

But the question is not whether I miss it or not.

Film is a very physical job.

Unfortunately, I am in no condition to do that. Really, that's my main problem.

- People worse off than you get ahead. - No, I know, I know.

But I haven't been able to do it.

My mother died four years ago.

Two years later, I had back surgery.

I still haven't recovered from either of those things.

I need help, doctor.

Okay. I'm switching the oxycodone for a different opioid.

The idea of heroin will cross your mind.

You have to be alert.

Yes.

I'm going to extend your prescriptions and then I'll give you the instructions.

Do you mind if I step out and move a little?

- No, no, go ahead. - Go on.

- Doctor, thank you very much. - You're welcome.

- Okay, let's see. - There's something else, doctor.

Something else?

Salvador chokes often.

An hour ago, on our way to the hospital,

he had a sip of water and I thought he was dying.

The gastroenterologist performed an endoscopy

and they found a lump pressing on the esophagus.

That's why he chokes so easily, and we don't know what the lump is.

- Does he know the result of the endoscopy? - No.

The doctor ordered a CAT scan to be sure,

but the gastroenterologist hasn't ruled out a tumor.

What should I do? Should I tell him?

No, no, no. Save him at least two days of anxiety.

And please, call me with the CAT scan results.

Sure.

Mercedes,

would you please hand me that box?

Thanks.

Salvador, it means a lot to me that you put me in your mom's bedroom.

Here's your afternoon snack.

Those dark muffins? Forget about it.

They're whole wheat.

Someday you're going to bring me a plate of alfalfa

because now they say it's good for your heart.

And you're not going to drink your milk? You have to try.

Later.

Sit down.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to disentangle these rosaries.

- Here, I'll help you. - No. You don't know how.

- Do you remember how you need to shroud me? - Yes, Mom, yes.

If we are in the village, you call Petra.

She's used to it.

And if I die here,

which I hope doesn't happen because I want to die in my bed,

Maya and Mercedes will help you.

- Do we have to talk about this now? - Yes.

On my head...

a half-circle mantilla.

Because I'm a widow.

Let me help you.

Come, I'll help you. Let's see.

There.

And the habit of Jesus of Medinaceli.

- With its cord. - Right, with its cord.

You put a rosary in my hands.

This one, the old one.

I want you to keep the new one.

- Wouldn't you rather have the new one? - No.

I want to be barefoot.

If they tie my feet to bury me, untie them and tell them I asked you to do it.

I want to be very light where I'm going.

Do you remember this pen?

- Of course. - Your father gave it to me.

I wrote all my letters with it when we were dating.

And the wooden egg, Mom?

I wonder how much I mended with this egg.

It's the least valuable thing in here.

Well, give it to me.

Here. You just inherited it.

I think about her a lot lately.

It's the first time I've heard you say you haven't gotten over your mother's death.

I think a lot about my childhood too.

When I'm tossing and turning, which is most of the time,

I always end up thinking of my mother when I was a child.

But you've never talked about her or your childhood in your films.

- My mother didn't like that. - You think?

She told me one of the last times she was at the hospital.

Your legs are so clean, Mom.

I got that from my family.

No one had varicose veins in my family.

It's a shame, son.

What's that?

You won't have a good old age.

Why's that?

You're like your father's family.

Oh, Mom. The things you say. Come on, tell me, how was your night?

So-so.

I spent all night with my neighbor Lola.

Here, in the room?

Of course not. In my dreams.

I dreamt of her all night.

I had just arrived in the village,

and I heard Lola knocking on the door as usual

when she heard me arriving from Madrid.

Even though it was a dream,

I remembered Lola was dead.

But I opened the door.

And I found her the same as always,

even if she was a little translucent.

But I... I wasn't scared.

And I told her, "Lola,

I guess you're not okay

and you want me to do something.

But you need to tell me what and I promise I'll do it."

"No, Jacinta. I'm fine," she said.

"But how can you be fine?" I asked her.

"If you were fine, you wouldn't appear."

"I appear to you

because my daughters get very scared."

"But how can you come to the village when it's this cold?"

"I'm not cold or hot anymore,"

she answered.

"And there's no place like home."

"You're completely right, my friend," I told her.

And what else?

Don't make that narrator's face, eh?

No, no, no. I don't want you to put any of this in your movies.

I don't want my neighbors to be in them, I don't like autofiction.

What do you know about autofiction?

I heard you explaining it in an interview.

My neighbors don't like it when you showcase them.

They feel you treat them like hicks.

Mom, what are you saying?

I can't treat them with more respect and devotion.

Every opportunity I have, I talk about you

and I say I was educated by you and the neighbors.

I owe everything to you.

They don't like it.

Let's go for a walk, you haven't moved yet.

I haven't moved because I don't have anywhere to go.

- Now you have somewhere to go. Come on. - Where?

To the hallway.

That's it.

You haven't been a good son, my son.

I haven't?

No.

You never forgave me for recommending you to Paterna's lay sister.

And you took revenge for that.

I didn't want you to go to the seminary either.

But we were poor.

It's true I didn't want to go, but to think I wanted to get revenge?

How can you think that?

After high school, you couldn't wait to leave for Madrid.

And when your father died,

I asked if you wanted me to come live with you.

You dodged the question.

You said you had a lifestyle

that you couldn't share with me.

And it was true. But not in the way you understood it.

I understood perfectly well.

I have really bad legs, but my head works perfectly well.

When I wasn't traveling, I was filming.

You wouldn't have endured the loneliness of an apartment in Madrid.

That was no life for you.

I would've taken care of you.

I would've adapted, like I have adapted to so many things.

But you didn't want to.

And that hurt me.

Mom...

I'm very sorry

for not having been the kid you wanted.

When you used to say:

"Who does this kid take after?"

you didn't exactly say it with pride.

And I was aware of that.

Have I failed you just by being the way I am?

I'm really sorry.

Pass me St. Anthony.

Tonight, I'll pray for you.

Thanks a lot.

- Salvador... - Yes.

I brought you into this world,

and I did everything to raise you.

I know, Mom.

Take me to the village.

This is my one and only wish.

All right.

You and I will go to the village.

And Maya, to help around the house.

I'll take care of you day and night.

I won't fail you this time, Mom.

But I couldn't keep my promise.

I had to take her to the hospital the next day.

You did everything you could.

Yeah.

But she wanted to die in the village.

And I had promised to take her.

The poor woman died in the hospital's ICU...

alone.

They're inviting you to give a talk in Iceland. Well paid.

I don't understand why they like me so much in Iceland.

Me neither.

And this one is from a small gallery.

But I didn't throw it away, I like the drawing.

Salvador Mallo?

- Yes. - You may come in.

Sit down here, slowly.

While I hold your legs,

you turn around and lie down.

Yes, thanks.

- Hey, when does your mother get back? - At lunchtime.

When she goes sewing at the lay sister's house,

she stays there all morning.

Let's see.

Let's see, Salvador. Don't move.

Stay there.

Can you hold the book with both hands?

Like that.

Okay, lift your head.

What do you think?

It's very pretty.

I still have to finish it. I'll take it home and finish it.

Yeah.

Do you mind if I wash up? Look at me.

Yeah, I'll go get the soap.

- Here. - Thank you.

Salvador, would you bring me a towel?

I'm coming, Eduardo.

You're burning up.

You probably got sunstroke.

Salvador, what happened?

He got too much sun.

I was reading.

But you didn't realize you were in the sun?

You're burning up!

- I didn't realize. - And you?

I finished putting up the tiles.

And when he fainted, I brought him here.

You fainted?

A little. I lost my head.

Oh, my God.

Stay here. I'll get a rag with vinegar.

And your father? At the bar?

Yes.

He told me he was staying home.

What's this bucket doing here?

I washed myself a little.

You could wait until you get to your house, couldn't you?

It's an effort for me to carry the water all the way here.

I was very dirty.

Should I grab a bucket and wipe the floor?

No, fetch the water, I'll wipe it.

The tiles look nice.

Yes, very nice. Thanks.

I'll get the water.

First of all, I want to reassure you, there's no tumor.

We have completely ruled that out.

Okay, but something's wrong with me because I even choke on puree.

Yes, what happens to you, this dysphagia, is due to the Forestier syndrome.

You'll see it more clearly here.

You see this white part next to the vertebra?

It's an osteophyte.

An ossification.

Here, you can see the esophagus displaced by this ossification.

There's barely any space for food to pass through, even liquids.

That's why you're choking.

Why has that bone grown so much there?

Forestier syndrome is a rare illness, and we don't know what causes it.

We know it affects tendons, ligaments and joint capsules that calcify,

but we don't know why.

In your case, the anterior ligament of the cervical spine was calcified.

- Is there anything you can do? - Surgery.

We need to remove that calcification as soon as possible.

But don't worry. It's not a risky surgery.

The gastroenterologist and your surgeon will give you more information.

- All right. - Thank you.

POPULAR ART

Hello.

Are you interested in the watercolor?

Yes, I'd like to buy it. Who's the author?

It's anonymous. Almost all the pieces have no signature.

How did it get here?

I bought it in the Encants market in Barcelona.

It's one of my favorite pieces.

So you have no idea who painted it?

There's something written on the back.

But these are all anonymous artists that probably don't even know they're artists.

Dear Salvador, I'm sending the drawing to your house

because I don't have the school's address.

I'm happy I'm able to write to you.

You taught me how to write, and I'm very grateful.

I'm working at Conchita's uncle's store,

and I'm good with numbers, all thanks to you.

I have a good life here, but I miss life in the caves

and especially you.

Every time I write, I think about your hand guiding mine.

I'm sure you're learning a lot at school,

reading lots of books and watching lots of movies.

Here is my address in Bilbao, so you can write and tell me how you are.

Your student, Eduardo.

Salvador. You have to get dressed in half an hour.

Let me know a little bit before.

THE FIRST DESIRE

What do you think happened with the drawing?

Eduardo sent it to Paterna,

my mother probably received it.

I was already at the seminary.

She didn't send it or tell me about it.

Will you try to find him?

Eduardo?

It's easier with Google now. Or going to Paterna and asking about him.

Fifty years later?

It's a good plot for a story,

and I may write it,

but it'd be crazy to look for him.

I wonder how the drawing ended up in Barcelona's flea market.

I have no idea.

By chance.

What matters is that the drawing made it to the recipient.

Salvador, what's up?

We're going to switch beds, little by little.

Stay still.

- Very good, your head goes here. - Yes.

- I have to open this up a little, okay? - Okay.

And I'm gonna put some stickers on your chest.

How are you, Salvador?

Hello, doctor.

I heard about it. No wonder you couldn't swallow.

But don't worry, okay? We'll take it out right away.

- Doctor. - Talk to me.

- I'm writing again. - Oh, really? Great news.

Yeah.

I'm really glad, Salvador.

And what is it? A drama or comedy?

I don't know.

You don't know that.

Mom?

Do you think there's a movie theater in Paterna?

I'll settle for a house, son.

Cut.

Thirty-eight, five, first, final take.