All language subtitles for Never a Dull Moment (1968).en

[ Siren Wailing ]

[ Siren Continues ]

[ Sirens Wailing ]

[ Gunshots ]

SPREAD OUT AND TAKE COVER!

[ Gunshots Continue ]

[ Glass Shatters ]

[ Gunshots Continue ]

THIS IS CAPTAIN JACOBY SPEAKING.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL
GIVE YOURSELVES UP.

WE'VE GOT YOU SURROUNDED.

[ Gunshot ]
[ Gunshots ]

[ Gunshot ]
[ Gunshots ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Jacoby ]
I'LL GIVE YOU 30 SECONDS
TO COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP.

[ Jacoby ]
COOPERATE AND YOU WON'T
GET HURT.

TONY! TONY!
AW, GET AWAY FROM ME!

[ Jacoby ]
FIFTEEN SECONDS.

I'M COMIN' OUT!

WHAT'S THE MATTER, PUNK?
YA TURN YELLOW?
I AIN'T DYIN' ON YOUR ORDERS!

NO?
[ Woman Screaming ]

YOU DIRTY, ROTTEN... [ Gunshot ]

[ Woman Screaming ]

JACOBY!

LISTEN TO ME, JACOBY!
THIS IS ME, TONY PRESTON!

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU!
YOU AIN'T TAKIN' ME IN!

I LIVE BIG!

YOU AIN'T GONNA TAKE ME
TO ANY CRUMMY CELL,

WEAR A GRAY SUIT
WITH NUMBERS ON IT!

I LIVE BIG!

I'M GONNA WEAR SILK SHIRTS
WITH MONOGRAMS ON 'EM.

HERE'S HOW I'LL
COOPERATE WITH YOU!
[ Gunshot ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Screaming ]
TONY!

[ Sobs ]

YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED.

[ Whispering ]
BECAUSE YOU'RE A LOUSY,
ROTTEN ACTOR, THAT'S WHY.

[ Man ]
THAT'S A WRAP!

[ "Tony" ]
ABOUT TIME.
[ Grunts ]

[ Grunts, Whistles ]

[ Man ]
VERY NICE. VERY NICE.

HEY, PROPS, WHERE DID YOU
GET THAT MATTRESS?
IN AN ARMY SURPLUS STORE?

AW, STARS AND DIRECTORS
AREN'T ENOUGH;

I GOTTA HAVE TROUBLE
WITH BIT PLAYERS.

A BIT PLAYER IS LIKE
ANY OTHER MAN. IF YOU
PRICK US, DO WE NOT BLEED?

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU SAW
MY PHOENIX THEATER PRODUCTION
OF TWELFTH NIGHT.

WHAT CHANNEL WAS IT ON?
HEY, PROPS.

DID I EVER TELL YOU WHAT
WALTER KERR SAID ABOUT MY
PERFORMANCE IN TWELFTH NIGHT?

- NOT FOR THE LAST TEN MINUTES.
- WELL, I DESERVE
A THICK MATTRESS ANYWAY.

THEY SAY THEY'RE GONNA POSTPONE
THIS SHOW 'TIL NEXT FALL.

NEXT FALL? WHO SAYS?
I HEARD A VERY
HIGH-LEVEL CONVERSATION.

THEY DECIDED IT WAS
SUCH A TURKEY, THEY'RE GONNA
DEEP-FREEZE THE TAPE...

AND SAVE IT
'TIL THANKSGIVING.
AW, JACK.

THINK OF ALL THE NEEDY
FAMILIES IT'LL FEED.

- JUST WHAT WE NEED:
COMEDY RELIEF.
- YEAH. SOMEBODY SEND SOME IN.

I WRITE MY OWN
COMEDY MATERIAL TOO.

IF YOU'RE SUCH A FUNNY GUY,
HOW COME YOU'RE ALWAYS
DOIN' HEAVIES?

OFFBEAT CASTING.

FUNNY.

HEY, COFFEE AND GROUP THERAPY
AT WALGREEN'S?

I CAN'T TONIGHT, LENNY.
I GOT A SOAP TOMORROW.

I HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED
AT THE SCRIPT YET.
MAYBE IT'S BETTER THAT WAY.

I AM A SERIOUS ACTOR.
BETTER YOU SHOULD BE A STAR.

YEAH, BETTER.

IT'S A GREAT HONOR
TO ACCEPT THIS WELL-EARNED
ACTING AWARD,

AND I SHOULD LIKE TO THANK
ALL THE LITTLE PEOPLE...
I NEED THAT.

ROTTEN LITTLE PEOPLE.

I WON'T LET YOU DO IT,
MARSHA.

I WON'T LET YOU RUIN
YOUR LIFE.

[ High-Pitched Voice ]
OH, LEAVE ME ALONE!

YOUR PLACE IS HERE,
MARSHA, IN MIDDLEVALE,

WHERE PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU.

WHERE... WHERE...

WHERE LOVE IS REAL,
NOT A GAME.

[ Chuckles ]
NO WONDER I COULDN'T
REMEMBER THAT.

WHERE LOVE IS REAL,
NOT A GAME.

[ High-Pitched Voice ]
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

I'M TELLIN' YOU
THE WHOLE THING,
THE WHOLE UGLY THING.

[ Footsteps ]

BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH, MARSHA.
I KNOW WHO YOUR FATHER
REALLY IS.

[ Footsteps ]

[ Footsteps ]

[ Footsteps ]

[ Running Footsteps ]

YOU'RE LATE.

I WAS BEGINNIN' TO WORRY.

OH, LOOK, I'M SORRY FOR
BARGIN' IN HERE, BUT, UH,
SOMEBODY WAS FOLLOWING ME.

FOLLOWING YOU?

WHO?

WHY, I DON'T KNOW.
AH, JUST A MINUTE.

[ Footsteps ]

HE'S COMIN' BACK.

LOUSY FUZZ.

I WISH HE'D COME IN HERE.
I'D LIKE TO MAKE HIM DEAD.

- YOU KNOW WHO HE IS?
- YEAH. EDDIE SHANNON
FROM THE 11th PRECINCT.

- YOU MEAN, IT'S A COP?
- OH, COME ON.
QUIT YOUR JOKIN', ACE.

W-WELL, WHAT'S...
WHAT'S HE FOLLOWIN' ME FOR?

MAYBE THEY GOT
A TIP SOMETHING'S UP.

YOU KNOW,
JOE OWNS THIS BUILDING,
AND THEY KEEP A LOOKOUT.

- JOE?
- LET'S GET OUTTA HERE, ACE.

I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO TELL YOU THIS.
WHAT?

YOU'RE GONNA BE
A LITTLE UPSET.
HOW FAR WERE YOU FOLLOWED?

I DON'T KNOW.
I THOUGHT I WAS
GONNA GET MUGGED.

YOU REALLY LIKE TO MAKE JOKES,
DON'T YA, ACE?
HUH?

HE, UH, DIDN'T PICK YOU UP
AT THE AIRPORT?
THE AIRPORT? NO.

IF HE GOT ON YOU IN
THE NEIGHBORHOOD, THAT'S OKAY.
THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.

HE DON'T KNOW YOU BY SIGHT?
THAT'S POSSIBLE.
WHAT I'M TRYIN' TO TELL YA...

ACE WILLIAMS
GETTIN' MUGGED, HUH?
THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

[ Chuckles ]
SAY, MAYBE THAT COP
RECOGNIZED YOU.

I BETTER GO MAKE HIM DEAD.
YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.

IT'S NO TROUBLE.
THIS WHOLE THING IS
SOME KIND OF A CRAZY MIX-UP.

MY NAME ISN'T ACE WILLIAMS.
I'M JACK ALBANY, AN ACTOR.

I'M A PAID-UP MEMBER
OF SAG, AFTRA...

OH, COME ON, ACE.
WE AIN'T GOT TIME.

NO, REALLY.
I JUST CAME FROM TAPIN'
A TV SHOW.

IT'S A BOMB.
IT'S, UH,
"KISS FOR THE KILLER."

IT'LL BE ON APRIL 2,
BUT, AW, FORGET IT.

I'M DOIN'
A SOAP OPERA TOMORROW.
I'VE GOT A SCRIPT.

I MUST'VE LOST IT.
WELL, THAT DOESN'T MATTER.

THE POINT IS,
YOU THINK I'M SOMEBODY
NAMED ACE WILLIAMS.

WHAT'D YA SAY
YOUR NAME WAS?
ALBANY. JACK ALBANY.

LOOK, PUNK,
DIDN'T YOU EVER HEAR
OF A COVER?

I HEARD.
WELL, THAT'S MY COVER:
JACK ALBANY, CRUMMY ACTOR.

SURE.
WELL, LET'S GO. LIKE YOU
SAID, JOE'S WAITIN'.

RIGHT THIS WAY.

LOOK, PUNK, IT SO HAPPENS
I DON'T LIKE SOMEBODY
HOLDIN' A STICKER ON ME.

NOW, I GOT A HEAT.
I'M ON THE VERGE
OF MAKING YOU VERY DEAD.

SO I PUT IT AWAY.

LOOK, ACE,
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I MEAN, ALL THAT CRAZY TALK.

I CAN'T TAKE NO CHANCES.
IF IT TURNS OUT
THAT YOU WASN'T ACE...

UH, OLD MACHINE-GUN WOUND.

WELL, THIS IS IT.
I, UH, WOULD'VE
KNOWN IT ANYWHERE.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

[ Ignition Starts ]

COME ON, ACE. HURRY UP.
WE'RE LATE.

♪♪ [ Radio: Loud Rock ]

[ Mouthing Words ]

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, PUNK?

- FLORIAN.
- FLORIAN?

WHY'D THEY CALL
A TOUGH KID LIKE YOU
A SISSY NAME LIKE FLORIAN?

IT'S A TOUGH NAME.

[ Sniffs ]

I'M OUTTA WEEDS, PUNK.
STOP SOMEWHERE.

NOT MY BRAND.

DON'T WE PASS THROUGH
A TOWN HERE OR SOMETHING?
NO.

I'D HAVE TO GET
OFF THE PARKWAY,
LOSE TEN MINUTES.

SO DO IT.

JOE'S GONNA BE
PRETTY MAD AS IT IS.

I GET NERVOUS
WHEN I DON'T HAVE A WEED.

YOU SAVE THE COUPONS?

HOW DO YOU THINK
I GOT MY KNIFE?

YEAH, THAT'S
REALLY SOMETHIN'.

ACE WILLIAMS
GETTIN' MUGGED.

WAIT 'TIL JOE HEARS
ABOUT THAT ONE.

[ Both Chuckling ]

HEY, SAM.
THIS IS ACE WILLIAMS.
JOE'S WAITIN' FOR US.

AH, WELCOME, ACE.

[ Doorbell Rings ]

HI, FRANCIS.
ACE WILLIAMS.

FRANCIS.
PLEASURE.

YEAH.
I'LL TAKE YOUR COAT.

OH, THE BOSS IS ANXIOUS
TO MEET YOU.
I'M ANXIOUS TO MEET HIM.

HE IS VERY PERTURBED
AT YOU ON ACCOUNT OF
YOU'RE SO LATE.

YEAH, I FIGURED.
WHERE IS HE?
HE'S IN THE LIBRARY.

HE'S WAITIN' FOR YOU NOW.
HE SAYS FOR YOU
TO GO RIGHT IN.

SEE YA, ACE.
YOUR HAT, PLEASE.
THANK YOU.

HEY, YOU KNOW,
FRANCIS USED TO BE
JOE'S PERSONAL BODYGUARD,

ONLY HE GOT ONE TOO MANY
RAPS ON THE HEAD.

BUT JOE STILL
KEEPS HIM AROUND
FOR SENTIMENTAL REASONS.

JOE'S A PRINCE.
HE IS?

I MEAN...
SURE, HE IS.

SEE, I DON'T KNOW JOE
REALLY TOO WELL.

I CAN'T REMEMBER
THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM.
WELL, YOU NEVER DID.

JOE TOLD ME THAT YOU TWO
NEVER MET BEFORE.

WELL, LIKE I SAY,
I NEVER MET HIM, BUT I
KNOW HIM BY REPUTATION.

WHO DOESN'T?
OH, SURE. SURE.

AND EVERYBODY SAYS THE SAME:
JOE'S A PRINCE.

SO THIS IS THE BIG
KILLER-MAN FROM FRISCO.

YEAH. FRANK BOLEY,
THIS IS ACE WILLIAMS.

YOU DON'T LOOK
SO DANGEROUS TO ME.

SOME OF YOUR BOYS
HERE IN THE EAST...

A LITTLE SHORT
ON MANNERS, PUNK?

MAYBE YOUR FRIEND
WOULD LIKE
TO TEACH ME SOME.

ASK HIM WHEN HE WANTS ME
TO TEAR HIM APART.

BEFORE I MEET
THE BOSS OR AFTER?

TELL HIM IT'S
NO DIFFERENCE TO ME.
LOOK. AFTER, HUH?

WE'RE LATE, AND JOE'S SORE.

FOR THE SAKE OF THE PUNK,
I'LL DEFER THE PLEASURE.

LIKEWISE.

[ Man ]
WHO'S THERE?
FLORIAN.

I GOT ACE WILLIAMS.
ENTREZ.

HOW'S THAT?

- WEAK. AGH!
- HMM?

YOU'RE STILL TOO INHIBITED.
LOOK AT ALL THOSE TINY
LITTLE LINES. IT'S NOT GOOD.

OH.
LET'S TRY A LITTLE
ACTION PAINTING.

AND LOOSEN UP A BIT,
FREE YOURSELF.

UH, LOOK, UH,
CAN WE TAKE FIVE?
I'VE GOT BUSINESS.

ALL RIGHT, BUT THAT'S PART
OF YOUR PROBLEM, YOU KNOW?
DIVIDED ATTENTION.

WELL, I CAN'T HELP IT,
YOU KNOW.
I'M A BUSY MAN.

HI, SWEETHEART.

I KNOW YOU.
I DON'T KNOW.
WERE YOU IN THE ARMY?
I WAS IN THE 65th ARTILLERY.

I HAVE A VERY GOOD
MEMORY FOR FACES.

YA EVER WORK OUT
AT THE OLD STILLWELL'S GYM?
I'LL REMEMBER.

OH. WHAT... NO.
NO.

[ Chuckling ]

ACE.
YOU KNOW MY TEACHER?
JOE.

- NO, I NEVER
SAW HER BEFORE.
- YOU SURE?

WELL, YE...
I'D REMEMBER THAT ONE.
[ Chuckling ]

- WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU COULD JOIN US, ACE.
- MY PLEASURE.

[ Chuckling ]

YOU'RE LATE!

HOW'S OLD PEPPY?
WELL...
[ Clears Throat ]

YOU KNOW OLD PEPPY.
HE GAVE YOU A VERY HIGH
RECOMMENDATION, YOU KNOW.

WHEN I CALLED HIM AND TOLD HIM
I NEEDED A FIRST-CLASS BOY
WHO COULD KILL QUIETLY,

HE SAID, "JOE, THEY DON'T
COME ANY QUIETER
THAN ACE WILLIAMS."

WELL, PEPPY'S...
PEPPY'S TOO KIND.

I'LL ADMIT
WHEN I KILL SOMEBODY,

EVEN I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED.
[ Chuckles ]

WIPE YOUR FACE.

I HEARD ABOUT THAT, UH,
BIG RUN-IN, UH,

YOU HAD WITH THE TREASURY BOYS.
[ Coughs ]
YEAH, YEAH. I HEARD THAT.

- BUT YOU WERE THERE.
- WELL, I HEARD YOU HEARD.

YOU ALL RIGHT NOW?

OH, FINE, YEAH.
LIMP A LITTLE
IN THE LEG, YOU KNOW.

OH. I THOUGHT HE GOT YOU
IN THE SHOULDER.

W-WELL, HE DID, YES.
IT HIT A NERVE,
AFFECTED MY LEG.

I STILL LIMP ON IT.
OH, UH, FLORIAN, UH...

YOU GOT ACE'S LUGGAGE INSIDE?
UH, NO, HE DIDN'T
HAVE NO LUGGAGE.

WHAT, ALL THE WAY FROM
THE COAST AND NO LUGGAGE?

I-I LEFT IT
AT THE WAREHOUSE, JOE.

WELL, THERE WAS A COP
PROWLIN' AROUND OUTSIDE.

THE PUNK HERE
GETS NERVOUS.
HE PULLED A SHIV ON ME.

IN THE CONFUSION,
I LEFT MY SUITCASE.

YOU PULLED A KNIFE
ON ACE WILLIAMS?

HE WAS TALKIN' KIND OF CRAZY.
SAID HE WAS AN ACTOR.
I DIDN'T KNOW.

COME HERE. YOU KNOW,
HE COULD'VE MADE YA
DEAD IN ONE SECOND.

YOU KNOW,
YOU'D BE SO SURPRISED,
YOU'D FORGET TO LAY DOWN.

STOP THAT BLEEDING,
WILL YA? IT'S STUPID.
UH, JOE,

LOOK, IT'S ALL RIGHT
ABOUT THE SUITCASE.

IT WAS JUST
A COUPLE OF SHIRTS,
STUFF LIKE THAT. ALL NEW.

NO LAUNDRY MARKS,
NO IDENTIFICATION.

REMEMBER THAT, PUNK,
FOR THE FUTURE.
[ Joe ] COME ON, CLEAR OUT.

OH, AND TELL MISS INWOOD
TO COME BACK.

YOU KNOW, I,
UH, LOVE THAT BOY
LIKE HE WAS MY OWN SON.

HOW MUCH
DID PEPPY TELL YOU?

WELL, NOT, UH, MUCH.
WELL, HE DON'T KNOW MUCH.

IT'S A BIG ONE, ACE.
REAL BIG.

OH, I'LL TELL YOU
THE WHOLE STORY AFTER MY LESSON.
CAN'T WAIT.

YOU'LL FIND THE REST
OF MY ASSOCIATES
IN THE GRAND SALON.

GO AHEAD
AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF.
OH, THANKS, JOE.

IF IT'S ALL RIGHT
WITH YOU, JOE, I THINK
I'LL JUST STAY IN HERE.

I'M KIND OF HOT
FOR ART, MYSELF.

IT ISN'T
OFTEN I GET TO SEE
A REAL TALENT AT WORK.

WELL, IN A WAY,
YOU'RE AN ARTIST YOURSELF.
NOW, ACTION PAINTING.

MM-HMM.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT FORM AND DON'T
WORRY ABOUT COMPOSITION.

MM-HMM.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WELL, I'M JUST THINKING.
HOW DO YOU START...
DON'T THINK. ACT.

THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
MM-HMM.

NOW GO. GOOD!
HERE, TAKE A BIGGER BRUSH.
YEAH. YEAH.

NOW FILL THE CANVAS.

FILL THE CANVAS. YEAH.
YES, THAT'S IT.
USE THE CANVAS.

[ Phone Ringing ]
HOW'S THAT? HMM?

YEAH.

UH, YOU WANT ME TO GET
THAT FOR YOU, BOSS?

UH, NO, THANKS.
UH, IT'LL BE FOR ME.

HERE, YOU CAN HAVE 'EM.
[ Ringing Continues ]

SEE WHAT I MEAN?
DIVIDED ATTENTION.

YOU, UH, BELONG
TO JOE'S ORGANIZATION,
SWEETHEART?

SURE THING.
I HEAD UP THE MOB'S
FINE ARTS DIVISION.

YOU'RE PUTTIN' ME ON.
AM I?

WELL, I JUST WANNA KNOW
HOW COZY YOU ARE WITH JOE.

I MEAN, I LIKE YOUR STYLE,
BUT THEN AFTER ALL,
HE'S THE BOSS.

BEFORE YOU GO
ANY FURTHER, HOT STUFF,
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING...

OUT OF PURE GENEROSITY.

I HAVE BEEN LIVING ALONE
IN NEW YORK CITY
FOR FOUR YEARS.

I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE
OF MYSELF.
WELL,
I LIKE A GIRL WITH SPIRIT.

FOR THE RECORD,
MY RELATIONSHIP
WITH MR. SMOOTH...

IS STRICTLY
TEACHER-PUPIL.

MY RELATIONSHIP
WITH YOU IS NOTHING.

THAT WAS PEPPY.

HE WANTED TO KNOW
IF YOU GOT HERE ALL RIGHT.

ANYBODY WITH TWO EYES
CAN SEE THAT.

HE, UH, WARNED ME
TO KEEP YOU AWAY
FROM BOOZE AND BROADS.

HE SAID BOOZE AND BROADS
PUT YOU OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

[ Miss Inwood ]
SHALL WE CONTINUE?
ALL RIGHT.

[ Mouthing Words ]

LET ME SEE.
WHAT DO WE DO HERE?

WHY, THAT'S BETTER.
THAT'S COMING ALONG VERY NICELY.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT
IN THE LEFT-HAND CORNER?

USE THE CANVAS, NOW.
COME ON.
HOW ABOUT THAT?

ROUND STROKES. ROUND STROKES.
YEAH, YEAH. LET ME GET
A LITTLE RED IN THERE.

BROAD STROKES.
BROAD STROKES.

HUH? PUT A LITTLE
MORE IN HERE.
THAT'S RIGHT.

WHY DON'T YOU
TRY ROUND STROKES,
NOT ALL THE STACCATO THINGS.

UP, CLEAR UP.
USE THE WHOLE CANVAS.
HMM?

AH, LOVELY.
YEAH.

[ Dialing ]

[ Man ]
HEY, WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
WHO IS THAT?

THIS IS ACE WILLIAMS.
I-I DIDN'T KNOW
HE HAD A SWITCHBOARD.

YEAH, WE GOT
A SWITCHBOARD OPERATOR,
AND I'M IT.

AND I DON'T
LIKE SOMEBODY
DIALIN' IN MY EAR.

WELL, YOU HAVE A LOVELY VOICE.
ARE YOU BUSY LATER?
WHY, YOU DIRTY, NO-GOOD...

[ Hangs Up Phone ]

THAT'S IT.
THAT'S... LOVE IT.
YEAH.

LOVE IT.
LOVE IT. YES.

CARESS IT.
NOW HATE IT.
OH, HATE IT, HATE IT.

HATE IT. VIOLENCE.
GET IT OUT. YES, THAT'S GOOD.
I HATE THAT!

HATE YA! HATE YA!
HATE YA!
[ Growling ]

GET OUT YOUR HOSTILITIES!
YEAH, THAT'S IT.

THAT'S GOOD. HERE.
HERE, USE THIS PAINT.
RIGHT OUT OF THE TUBE.

THE RAW PAINT. EMOTIONAL.
[ Growls ]
EMOTIONAL. THAT'S IT.

GOOD. GOOD.
NOW, NOW, NOW.
HOW ABOUT THAT?

BEAUTIFUL. NOW, MORE ACTION.
MORE ACTION.

THERE. NOW. LIKE THAT.
MORE PAINT.

HUH? MORE PAINT?
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

AAH!
IT'S A HAPPENING.

AAH!

HAPPENING.
BRAVO. BRAVO.

[ Miss Inwood ]
I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH
FOR TONIGHT, MR. SMOOTH.

YOU MADE
SOME REAL PROGRESS.

YOU KNOW, I USED TO PAINT
THINGS YOU COULD RECOGNIZE...

YOU KNOW... FLOWERS,
TREES, WATERFALLS.

NOW I DO THIS KIND
OF STUFF, AND SHE
SWEARS IT'S PROGRESS.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE TRYING
TO ACCOMPLISH, MR. SMOOTH.

WELL, SOMEDAY WE'RE GOING
BACK TO FLOWERS AND TREES.

AND THEY'LL BE
YOUR FLOWERS AND TREES.

OH, TELL FLORIAN MISS INWOOD
IS READY TO GO.

CAN I, UH, SEE YOU
TO THE DOOR, SWEETHEART?

GOOD NIGHT, MR. SMOOTH.
GOOD NIGHT.

[ Chuckling ]
YEAH. GUESS I'M NOT HER TYPE.
HMM.

[ Door Closes ]
YOU KNOW, UH,

A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD BE
SURPRISED TO FIND SOMEBODY
LIKE ME INTERESTED IN ART.

YOU KNOW, THEY GOT
OLD-FASHIONED IDEAS ABOUT
PEOPLE IN OUR PROFESSION.

I'VE BEEN ALL OVER EUROPE...
TWICE.

I STOPPED AT THE BEST HOTELS.
I ATE THE BEST FOOD.

I BOUGHT ART BY THE CARLOAD.

OH, I KNOW GOOD THINGS.

OH, I WAS, UH, PRETTY TOUGH
WHEN I WAS A KID...

JUST STARTING OUT
IN CHICAGO.

BUT, YOU KNOW,
THOSE WERE TOUGH TIMES.

I'VE CHANGED
AS TIMES HAVE CHANGED.

NOW, WATCH OUT!
I'LL RAP YOUR KNUCKLES.

NO BOOZE.
OH, IT'S JUST
ONE LITTLE DRINK.

PEPPY SAYS ONE DRINK
IS ALL IT TAKES.
YOU'RE LIKE A MANIAC.

NO BOOZE.
AND, UH, NO...

BROADS.
BROADS. THAT'S IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I AM NOW,
ACE?

AN EXECUTIVE.

YEAH, YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE
ANY OTHER EXECUTIVE.

I SIT BEHIND A DESK,
SIGN PAPERS,
GIVE ORDERS.

AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.

IT'S BORING.

OH, I'M NOT KNOCKING
THE SYNDICATE AFTER ALL IT'S
DONE FOR ME, BUT, UH,

THERE'S NO EXCITEMENT
ANYMORE.

THERE'S NO ROMANCE.

THAT'S WHY I PLANNED
A VERY SPECIAL TRICK...

FOR ADVENTURE, FOR ROMANCE.

ANOTHER REASON FOR THAT TRICK:
I WANNA BE REMEMBERED.

WELL, AS IF YOU WOULDN'T BE.

OH, YES,
IN SOME CIRCLES, BUT...

DILLINGER, CAPONE,
BUGS MORAN...

THOSE ARE NAMES
THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS.

THEY LIVE ON
THROUGH THE DEEDS
ASSOCIATED WITH THEM.

WELL, I WANT TO DO SOMETHING
THAT'LL MAKE A PLACE
IN HISTORY FOR MY NAME.

POSTERITY DOESN'T
HONOR EXECUTIVES.
[ Intercom Buzzes ]

HELLO?
[ Operator ]
LITTLE TONY'S ON THE PHONE.

I'LL TALK TO HIM
IN A MINUTE.
GO RIGHT AHEAD, ACE.

GO RIGHT AHEAD?
IN THE GRAND SALON.
I'LL JOIN YOU,

TOUT DE SUITE.
TOUT DE SUITE.

ALL RIGHT, PUT HIM ON.
[ Door Closes ]

FRANCIS, WOULD YOU PLEASE
FIND FLORIAN AND TELL HIM
I'M TIRED OF WAITING?

YES, MA'AM.
THANK YOU.

HI, ACE.

MISS INWOOD.
YOU AGAIN.

LOOK, I AM NOT
WHO YOU THINK I AM.
NO?

I'LL HELP YOU
WITH YOUR COAT.

HEY!
I'M A RESPECTABLE CITIZEN.
I'M MASQUERADING.

WELL, YOU JUST
GIVE ME BACK MY COAT!

I'M NOT A HOOD. I'M AN ARTIST,
AN INTELLECTUAL.
HUH?

"LOVE IS NOT LOVE WHICH ALTERS
WHEN IT ALTERATIONS FINDS."
THAT'S SHAKESPEARE.

ONE OF THE SONNETS,
I FORGET THE NUMBER.
MATISSE. PICASSO. ANDY WARHOL.

ARE YOU INSANE,
OR DO YOU TAKE
SOMETHING?

I NEED HELP.
YOU SURE DO.

- HE BOTHERING YOU, LADY?
- YOU SEND ME, BABY.
[ Grunts ]

- NOT MUCH.
- WOW.

HI, I'M READY.
I DIDN'T HAVE ANY...
DINNER.

LET'S GO, PLEASE.
IT'S GETTING VERY LATE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, KILLER-MAN?
YA NEED SOME HELP?

WHAT HAPPENED?
HE GOT FRESH WITH THE ARTIST,
AND SHE TOOK CARE OF HIM.

- I SHOULDA KILLED HER.
- FRANCIS.

WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU CONTROLLED YOURSELF.

I'M PAID UP
FOR THREE MORE LESSONS.

PEPPY WAS RIGHT
ABOUT YOU AND BROADS.

YEAH.
COME ON.

MOVE, DUMB-DUMB!
WHAT ARE YA STANDIN' THERE?

[ Gunshots,
Sirens On TV ]
THEY'RE
MOVIN' IN BEHIND YOUSE!

BLOW! MAKE A RUN FOR IT!
THE LOUSY COPS!

[ Gunshots, Sirens Continue ]
THEY ALWAYS GET THERE
AT THE WRONG TIME!

HERE COMES THAT BIG-HERO
LIEUTENANT AGAIN.

[ Man ]
LET HIM HAVE IT!
YEAH, LET HIM HA...

HEY! POW!
POW, POW, POW!

POW, POW! TAKE THAT,
YA DIRTY FUZZ!

[ Joe ]
MELANIE, CUT IT OFF!

- HI.
- [ Melanie ] JOE, IT'S JUST
GOTTEN TO THE GOOD PART!

OH! POW!
[ Imitates Machine Gun Firing ]

[ Imitates Explosions ]
POW! POW! POW! POW!

HERE, NOW,
TAKE IT EASY, ACE.
OFF, MELANIE!

WELL, I...
GET CARRIED AWAY
WITH THOSE CRIME SHOWS.

YOU'RE VERY HIGH-STRUNG.
YOU CERTAINLY ARE.

MELANIE, FIND SOMETHING
TO DO UPSTAIRS.
AW, JOE!

GO ON!
MAKE YOURSELF SCARCE!
BEAT IT!

ALL RIGHT, MEN.

I'M SURE THAT YOU'VE
ALL HEARD OF ACE WILLIAMS.

NOW MEET HIM.

ACE,

THIS IS RINZY TOBRESKI.

MEET YA.
LIKEWISE.

RINZY WAS MY WHEELMAN
IN THE METROPOLITAN BANK
JOB BACK IN 1935.

THAT WAS THE JOB THAT PUT ME
IN THE BIG TIME.

JOE'S NEVER HAD ANYBODY ELSE
BEHIND THE WHEEL
SINCE THEN. RIGHT, JOE?

[ Chuckling ]
AND OVER HERE,
THIS IS BOBBY MACOON.

YEAH,
WE TALKED ON THE PHONE.

- OH, WERE YOU THE ONE?
- YEAH.

WHAT'S THIS THING ABOUT?

OH, I, UH, PLAYED
A LITTLE JOKE ON BOBBY.
RIGHT, BOBBY?

[ Grunts ]
YOU KNOW, BOBBY USED
TO BE A FIGHTER.

- PRETTY GOOD TOO.
- EIGHT YEARS
IN THE RING, HEY.

NOW HE'S
MY COMMUNICATIONS EXPERT.

OH. STILL LISTENIN'
FOR THE BELL,
HUH, BOBBY?

- [ Joe, Jack Chuckling ]
- ON YOUR HORSE!
THAT A BOY.

[ Chuckling ]
THIS IS COWBOY SCHAEFFER.

I'M PROUD
TO KNOW YA, ACE.
HOWDY, COWBOY.

I BROUGHT COWBOY IN
FROM VEGAS.

FASTEST TOMMY GUN
IN THE WEST.

AW, SHUCKS, JOE.

AND THIS LOUDMOUTH,

THIS IS FINGERS FELTON.

FELTON AND I GO BACK
A LONG WAY, EH?

[ Chuckles ]

AND OVER HERE,
THIS IS FRANK BOLEY.

BOLEY'S UPCOMING
IN YOUR FIELD.

FRANK.

I WANT YOU
TO COME OVER HERE
AND SHAKE HANDS WITH ACE.

I'D SOONER KILL 'IM.

DON'T LET ME TELL YA
MORE THAN ONCE.

I GOT A PARLOR TRICK.

IN ONE SECOND I MAKE
HIM DEAD AND CATCH HIM
BEFORE HE HITS THE FLOOR.

UH, WHEN THE TIME COMES,
I'LL MAKE HIM DEAD MYSELF.

FRANK, I WANT YOU TO SHAKE
HANDS WITH ACE WILLIAMS.

AND FROM NOW ON, I WANT YOU
TO TREAT HIM LIKE A BROTHER.

LAST YEAR I WORKED
MY BROTHER OVER SO BAD...
NOW, FRANK!

THAT'S BETTER.

I'M NOT HAVING
ANY INTERNAL CONFLICTS.

BESIDES, YOU OUGHT
TO SHOW SOME RESPECT, FRANK.

YOU KNOW, WHEN ACE WILLIAMS
KILLS SOMEBODY,
HE STAYS KILLED.

SO HE GOT SLOPPY.
NOW, NOW, DON'T RUB IT IN
TOO HARD, WILL YA?

HE FEELS REAL BAD ABOUT IT.
OH, ALL RIGHT, GENTS.
LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

FIND PLACES ON THE COUCH.
RINZY, SET UP THE SCREEN.

YES.
THIS IS WHAT I'VE
BEEN WAITIN' FOR.

BACK IN BUSINESS.
BEEN A LONG TIME,
JOE.

I FIGURE IT'S GOTTA
BE THE U.S. MINT,
OR JOE WOULDN'T BOTHER.

MAYBE BIGGER.
WAIT'LL YA HEAR.
WAIT'LL YA HEAR.

NOW, GENTLEMEN,

YOU'RE HERE
BECAUSE I PICKED YOU,
BECAUSE I WANTED THE BEST.

FIRST-CLASS
FOR A FIRST-CLASS JOB.

EVERYTHING I'VE DONE BEFORE
ADDS UP TO NOTHING
COMPARED TO THIS.

ALL RIGHT, FRANCIS.
PUT OUT THE LIGHTS.
YES, SIR.

NOW, THIS IS WHERE
WE'LL BE WORKING.

THE MANHATTAN
MUSEUM OF ART.

WE'RE GONNA
KNOCK OVER A MUSEUM?

AND THIS IS
WHAT WE'RE AFTER:

"FIELD OF SUNFLOWERS,"
BY DUBREAUX.

YOU MEAN AFTER ALL THE BUILD-UP,
YOUR BIG TRICK IS
TO BREAK INTO A MUSEUM...

AND STEAL
ONE LOUSY PICTURE?
YOU'RE KIDDIN', AREN'T YA?

I BEEN FILIN' MY HANDS,
GETTIN' IN SHAPE.

- ONE LOUSY PICTURE, HEY.
- I COULD CARRY IT AWAY.

IF YOU'LL SHUT
YOUR IGNORANT YAPS,

I'LL SET YOU GUYS STRAIGHT
ON A FEW FACTS.

FIRST, IT'S NOT
A LOUSY PICTURE.

IT'S A VERY FINE PICTURE,
AND IT'S A VERY FAMOUS
PICTURE,

- WORTH AROUND 600 GS.
- SIX HUNDRED GS?

AND SECOND,
IT'S 40 FEET LONG,

A WHOLE ROOM.

SO DON'T TALK JUST LIKE
YOU'RE GONNA STROLL IN...

AND STICK IT
UNDER YOUR COAT
WHEN NOBODY'S LOOKING.

HEY, JOE, IF THAT PICTURE
IS SO FAMOUS,
HOW YOU GONNA UNLOAD IT?

I'M NOT GONNA UNLOAD IT.
I'M GONNA KEEP IT.

WHEN I GO
TO MY FINAL REST...

AND THE WORLD FINDS OUT
WHO TOOK THAT PICTURE,

MY NAME WILL BE FAMOUS.

YOU MEAN THAT AFTER
YOU'VE CASHED IN,

YOU WANT PEOPLE
TO KNOW YOU COPPED
THIS HERE PICTURE, HUH?

IN MY WILL, I'M GIVING
THIS PICTURE BACK
TO THE MUSEUM,

AND MAYBE
A MILLION EXTRA...

THAT IS, IF THEY'RE
WILLING TO CHANGE
THE NAME OF THE PLACE.

THE LEO JOSEPH SMOOTH
MEMORIAL MUSEUM.

- LEO?
- YOU MAKE ONE CRACK...

CHANGE THE SLIDE.

NOW, THE MUSEUM
BOUGHT "SUNFLOWERS"
IN PARIS LAST MONTH...

AND HAD IT SHIPPED
ON TO NEW YORK.

THIS ROOM
HAS BEEN SET UP SPECIAL.

TOMORROW NIGHT THEY'RE
GIVING A RECEPTION...

FOR THE CURATOR OF THE MUSEUM
TO UNVEIL THE PICTURE.

WHEN DO WE GRAB IT?

RIGHT AFTER THE RECEPTION,
BEFORE THE PUBLIC
EVER GETS TO SEE IT.

[ Felton ] TOMORROW NIGHT?
[ Rinzy ]
WHY THE SHORT NOTICE, JOE?

WELL, THINGS HAVE A WAY
OF GETTING OUT.

MANY A PRIZE TRICK
HAS BEEN SPOILED
BECAUSE OF A LEAK.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT ANY OF US, JOE.

YOU'RE RIGHT, I DON'T.
BECAUSE NONE OF YOU
ARE LEAVING THIS HOUSE...

UNTIL TOMORROW AFTERNOON,
WHEN WE GO TO THE MUSEUM.

[ Cowboy ]
IT AIN'T FAIR, JOE!
[ Men Chattering In Protest ]

[ Joe ]
THAT'S THE WAY IT IS!

INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING,
I WOULD SUGGEST THAT YOU USE
WHAT TIME YOU'VE GOT...

TO STUDY THE OPERATION,
TO WHICH I WORKED OUT
EVERY DETAIL.

LET'S SEE
THE PICTURE AGAIN.

NOW, "FIELD OF SUNFLOWERS"
IS A TRIPTYCH.

A WHAT?
THAT MEANS IT WAS PAINTED
IN THREE SECTIONS.

SO IN ORDER TO MOVE IT,
WE'LL HAVE TO DIVIDE IT...

OVER HERE AND OVER HERE.

[ Door Closes ]
[ Florian ] IT WON'T
HAPPEN AGAIN. DON'T TELL JOE.

[ Joe ]
ACE, PUT THE LIGHTS ON.

[ Florian ]
WAIT A MINUTE!
YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE!

WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?
I WOULD LIKE
ANOTHER CAR, PLEASE,

AND ANOTHER DRIVER
TO TAKE ME HOME.

WHY? SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH THE CAR?
IT'S BROKEN.

BROKEN? A NEW CAR,
LESS THAN A THOUSAND MILES,
AND IT'S BROKEN?

WELL, QUITE POSSIBLY IT WAS
NOT BUILT TO WITHSTAND
CRASHING INTO A TREE.

OF COURSE,
THAT'S JUST AN OPINION.
I AM NOT A MECHANIC.

YOU WRAPPED UP THE CAR.

WELL, SHE HIT ME.

I SLAPPED HIM,
FOR THE CLASSIC REASON.

ALL I DID WAS...
I KNOW WHAT YA DID.

AH, SO THE KID GOT
OUT OF HAND. HE'S SORRY.

YOU KNOW,
IT'S NO GREAT DISASTER.

WHAT'RE YA ALWAYS
BLEEDIN' FOR?

I WANT TO MAKE
SOMETHING VERY CLEAR,
MR. SMOOTH.

I COME HERE
AS AN ART INSTRUCTOR ONLY.

NOW, RELAX.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY.
WE HAVE OTHER CARS.

WE'LL JUST, UH...
OH, FRANCIS.
"SUNFLOWERS."

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE ELSE
DRIVE YA HOME.

THE "FIELD OF SUNFLOWERS."
WHY ARE YOU SHOWING
A PICTURE OF THAT HERE?

WELL, I SHOULDN'T HAVE
TO REMIND YOU. THERE ARE
PEOPLE WHO APPRECIATE ART.

THESE PEOPLE?
WELL, THERE MUST BE
SOME OTHER REASON.

[ Jack ]
BOSS, YOU WANT ME
TO DRIVE HER HOME?

NO, I JUST HAPPENED
TO THINK, UH...

I DON'T HAVE
ANOTHER CAR AVAILABLE.

YOU DON'T MIND
STAYIN' HERE TONIGHT?

UH, WELL, I'D RATHER NOT.
I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT
IN THE MORNING.

THE TRAIN!
HOW ABOUT THE TRAIN?
IT'S TOO LATE FOR THE TRAIN.

FLORIAN, YOU SHOW
MISS INWOOD UPSTAIRS.

I-I REALLY
SHOULD GET HOME.

TOMORROW MAYBE
WE'LL GET IN ANOTHER
LESSON, OKAY?

TOMORROW I HAVE TO...
TOMORROW.

[ Gasps ]

KEEP YOUR HANDS
TO YOURSELF, OR I'LL
TAKE 'EM AWAY FROM YA.

TOO BAD SHE HAD
TO SEE THAT PICTURE.

AW, SHE DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

YOU THINK SHE'LL REMEMBER
SEEING IT WHEN SHE HEARS ABOUT
THE MUSEUM BEING KNOCKED OVER?

SHE'LL REMEMBER A LOT
OF OTHER THINGS,

THINGS I ASKED HER ABOUT.

THAT'S WHY YOU WERE
TAKING THE ART LESSONS.
SHE KNOWS ABOUT THE MUSEUM.

I'M TAKING LESSONS FROM HER
BECAUSE SHE'S A GOOD TEACHER.

IF I PICKED UP A LITTLE
INFORMATION ON THE SIDE,
WELL, THAT'S VELVET,

AND I GOT A BARGAIN.
HEY, JOE.

HOW COME YA FIXED HER UP
WITH A ROOM? YOU'RE GONNA
KNOCK HER OFF, AREN'T YA?

DON'T BE SO ANXIOUS.
SHE OWES ME A COUPLE
OF MORE LESSONS.

IF YOU LET HER LIVE,
SHE'LL SHOOT
HER MOUTH OFF.

DO I NEED YOU TO TELL ME?
NOW, LET'S GET DOWN
TO THE BUSINESS IN HAND.

NOW, AT THE RECEPTION,
A CATERING SERVICE...

IS GOING TO HAND OUT
CHAMPAGNE AND HORS D'OEUVRES.

AFTER IT'S OVER, NATURALLY,
THEY'LL STAY TO CLEAN UP.

THEY AND TWO GUARDS...

WILL BE ALL THE PEOPLE
LEFT IN THE BUILDING.

NOW, THOSE CATERERS
ARE GONNA BE YOU.

- HOW'S IT GONNA BE, JOE?
- WELL, WE HIJACK THE CATERER'S
TRUCK, THAT'S HOW.

WHEN THE PARTY IS OVER,
THE PAINTING IS GOING
TO LEAVE IN THE TRUCK.

YOU'RE GONNA BE THERE,
AREN'T YA, TO TELL US
WHAT TO DO?

YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO
BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

I'M ATTENDING THE RECEPTION.

MISS INWOOD GOT ME
AN INVITATION.

- WHAT ABOUT THE GUARDS?
- WELL, THEY'LL HAVE
TO BE KILLED.

QUIETLY.

LET'S SEE THE FLOOR PLAN
AGAIN, FRANCIS.

COME OVER HERE, PLEASE.

NOW, UH, ONE OF THE GUARDS
WILL STAY CLOSE...

AS LONG AS THE CATERERS
ARE STILL IN THE KITCHEN.

PROBABLY AROUND HERE.

THE OTHER, WELL,
THAT'S GONNA BE TOUGHER.

HE'LL BE MAKING ROUNDS.

HE MAY BE UPSTAIRS,
HE MAY BE DOWN,
HE MAY BE OUTSIDE.

ANYWAY, YOU TAKE A LOOK AROUND.
WHEN YOU FIND HIM,

YOU WALK UP TO HIM
WITH A TRAY OF FOOD,

COMPLIMENTS OF
THE CATERING SERVICE.

HE THANKS YOU. HE RELAXES.
AND THEN YOU KILL HIM.

NOW, HOW DO YOU FIGURE
YOU'LL DO IT?
DO WHAT?

KILL HIM.
OH.
[ Clears Throat ]

WELL, MAYBE, UH...

MAYBE A SHIV AT THE BASE
OF THE MEDULLA OBBLIGATO,

OR MAYBE I'LL PARALYZE
THE CLAVICHORD.

ALL DEPENDS ON HOW
I FEEL AT THE TIME.

MEDULLA OBBLIGATA.

WELL, IN EVERY ART FORM
THERE'S AN ELEMENT
OF SPONTANEITY.

I'M THE FIRST
TO APPRECIATE THAT.
[ Chuckling ]

WELL, ANYWAY, YOU GET
THE PLAN IN YOUR MIND,

AND REMEMBER, YOU'LL HAVE
TO FIND THE OTHER GUARD.

AND AS FOR YOU, YOU'LL
HAVE TO SERVE PROPERLY,

BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WHO COME
TO THIS RECEPTION...

WILL KNOW
THE DIFFERENCE.

THE FOOD IS ALL
GONNA BE PREPARED,

AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS GET IT OUT.

COWBOY, YOU COME ALONG
WITH ME, AND LET'S GET IN
SOME PRACTICE SERVING.

- ACE!
- [ Chokes ]

- YOU'RE SNEAKING BOOZE.
- NO. M-ME? OH.
JUST A LITTLE ONE.

I'M GONNA LET YOU CROSS ME
JUST THIS ONE TIME, BECAUSE
YOU'RE A SPECIAL VISITOR.

DON'T TRY CROSSING ME AGAIN.

NO BOOZE FOR ACE!
AND NO BROADS.

- THAT'S ROUGH, JOE.
- HE GETS TANKED
JUST SMELLING THE CORK.

- PEPPY WARNED ME.
- HE DON'T LOOK TANKED.

YEAH.

HOW COME
HE AIN'T TANKED?

[ Raspberry ]

[ Laughing ]

HEY, COWBOY,
WHEREZH YER HORSHEY?

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!
CUNG, CUNG, CUNG!
[ Laughing ]

WATCH THEM FINGERS,
FINGERS!

EVERYBODY ON STAGE
FOR THE LINEUP.

LOUSY LUSH!
NOW, HOLD IT.

IN HIS CONDITION,
HE'S NOT RESPONSIBLE.

OH, FRANCIS,
TAKE HIM UPSTAIRS.
LET HIM SLEEP IT OFF.

I CAN TAKE MY OWN SELF...
UPSTAIRS.

I DON'T WISH TO BE
A BURDEN TO ANYONE.

[ Imitates Explosion ]

[ Door Opens ]

[ Chuckling ]
GOOD NIGHT, JIGGS.
FRANCIS!

GOOD NIGHT, FRANCIS.

[ Spits ]

[ Buzzing ]

[ Bobby ]
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

CITY ZOO. I'M SORRY.
THE LION IS BUSY.
WHAT ARE YA DOIN' HERE?

DON'T MESS WITH ME.
I'M DANGEROUS.
LOOK WHAT YOU DID HERE!

HELLO? OH, HI, LEFTY.
KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?
I'M GONNA KILL YOU SO QUIET...

YOU AIN'T GONNA DO
NOTHIN' TO NOBODY,
THE SHAPE YOU'RE IN.

HELLO, LEFTY?
ALL RIGHT,
YOU ASKED FOR IT.

GO TO BED, WILL YA?
HELLO, LEFTY?

YEAH, I'M SORRY.
WE GOT TROUBLE HERE. YEAH.

[ Growling ]

HI, BOY.

- NICE BOY.
- [ Barking, Snarling ]

STAY. NICE BOY.

[ Snarling, Barking Continue ]

HEY, FRANCIS!

WHAT D'YA GOT
TO EAT AROUND HERE?

AH. TO TELL YOU
THE TRUTH, FRANCIS,
I'M A LITTLE...

AND WHEN YOU'RE
A LITTLE... WHAA!

IT'S GOOD
TO TAKE A LITTLE
SOMETHING TO EAT.

WOULD YOU CARE FOR SOME MILK
WITH THOSE DOG BISCUITS?

DO I LOOK LIKE
A MILK DRINKER TO YOU?

GOOD NIGHT.

WHERE, UH...
WHERE'S, UH, MY ROOM?

OH, STRAIGHT UPSTAIRS,
THROUGH THE ALCOVE
AND TO THE RIGHT.

[ Sniffs ]

HEY.

WHERE'S THAT ART TEACHER
HANG HER CANVAS?

I MIGHT WANNA TAKE A LESSON.
[ Laughing ]

YOU TURN LEFT
INSTEAD OF RIGHT.

[ Chuckling ]

YOU'RE A SWEETHEART.

[ Soft Knocking ]

[ Knocking ]

[ Whispering ]
MISS INWOOD.

MISS INWOOD?
WHO'S THERE?

WRONG ROOM.
MR. WILLIAMS.

I'M SO...
I MADE A MISTAKE.
A MISTAKE?

YEAH, I WAS GOING
FOR MY ROOM.
I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.

IT'S NO BOTHER.
ALWAYS A PLEASURE.
SIT DOWN AND VISIT.

WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK?
OH, NO, THANKS.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?
LI... NOTHING. NOTHING.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY
BRANDY ON THE ROCKS
WITH A SPLASH OF SODA?

THAT'S WHAT JOE LIKES.
I... I SHOULD GET BACK.

YOU CAN CERTAINLY TAKE
TIME FOR ONE DRINK,
CAN'T YOU?

IT GETS LONESOME
AROUND HERE SOMETIMES.

LONESOME? IN THIS PLACE?
IT'S FULL OF GUYS.

THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING EXCEPT
THE THINGS THEY KNOW ABOUT.
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

EXCEPT JOE, OF COURSE,
AND HE'S BUSY ALL THE TIME.

[ Chuckles ]
HAVE A SEAT.

OH, THANK YOU.
'COURSE, WHEN YOU'VE
BEEN IN SHOW BUSINESS,

YOU MISS THAT EXCITEMENT
ALL THE TIME.

- YOU WERE
IN SHOW BUSINESS?
- I CERTAINLY WAS.

ARE YOU INTERESTED IN
SHOW BUSINESS, MR. WILLIAMS?

WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT...
[ Laughing ]
WELL, OF COURSE.

WHO ISN'T?
IT'S UNIVERSAL.

WHAT'D YOU DO
IN SHOW BUSINESS?

THAT'S YOU?
IT CERTAINLY IS.

IT'S PROBABLY THE HAIR
THAT THREW YOU.
[ Laughing ]

AUTOGRAPHED IT
TO YOURSELF.

THEY CALLED US
THE SCANDALS ON ICE.

I HAD TWO SEASONS
IN THE CHORUS, AND THEN
I HAD A SPECIALTY.

I'LL SHOW YOU.

SEE?

"MELANIE MARIE,
HEAT WAVE AT THE NORTH POLE."

I WAS ON
THE COVER OF LOOK TOO.
ME AND TWO OTHER GIRLS.

I'LL SHOW YOU.
LOOK, MISS MARIE,
COULD WE DO THIS LATER?

IT HAS BEEN SO LONG
SINCE ANYONE
CALLED ME THAT.

IT'S NOT MY REAL NAME.
I MADE IT UP.

WE WEREN'T REALLY INTRODUCED.
OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
I'M MELANIE SMOOTH.

MELANIE WHAT?
SMOOTH.
I'M JOE'S WIFE.

IT WAS VERY NICE TALKIN'
TO YOU, MRS. SMOOTH.

YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED
YOUR DRINK YET.
OH. YEAH.

OOH.
[ Chuckling ]

ALL FINISHED.
OH, YOU SHOULD HAVE
SEEN HOW WE LOOKED...

IN THE
ARABIAN NIGHTS FANTASY.

MR. WILLIAMS, DID YOU
EVER SEE THE SCANDALS?
NO, I NEVER DID.

WELL, YOU REALLY
MISSED SOMETHING.
IT WAS GORGEOUS.

BIG PRODUCTION NUMBERS
AND BEAUTIFUL COSTUMES.

AND THE FINALE:
I CAME DOWN
THIS WINDING STAIRCASE...

IN A FUR CAPE
TEN YARDS LONG.

THE LIGHTS DIMMED,
AND THE AUDIENCE GASPED...

AS I TOOK IT OFF.

AND THEN THERE I STAND,
ALL IN RHINESTONES.

- HOW MANY?
- OH, I KNOW THAT MAGAZINE
COVER'S HERE SOMEWHERE.

THEN THE STAR CAME OUT
IN HIS SLEIGH,
ALL SILVER AND GOLD,

PULLED BY
EIGHT LITTLE CHORUS BOYS.

YOU KNOW,
I MIGHT'VE BEEN A STAR...

IF I'D STAYED LONG ENOUGH.
I'LL BET YOU WOULD HAVE.

OF COURSE, YOU HAD TO BE
REAL GOOD TO BE A STAR.

AND ANYWAY,
I GAVE IT ALL UP FOR JOE.

WELL, THEY, UH, SAY MARRIAGES
AND CAREERS DON'T MIX.

THAT'S VERY TRUE.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOIN' IN HERE, ACE?

HEY, COWBOY!
JOE TOLD YOU
TO SLEEP IT OFF.

YOU BEEN SPYIN' ON ME,
OLD COWBOY.
[ Imitates Gunshot ]

ARE YOU HURT,
MR. WILLIAMS?
HE'S DRUNK.

[ Melanie ]
HE'S DRUNK?
WELL, JUST LOOK AT HIM.

JUST LOOK AT ME.
I ONLY GAVE HIM ONE DRINK.

YOU GIVE HIM A DRINK?
JOE'S GONNA BE SORE.

SHH. WE WON'T TELL HIM.

WHAT HE DOESN'T KNOW
WON'T HURT HIM.

WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
NOBODY TELLS ME ANYTHING!

MY GOODNESS!
OHH, YOU'RE A NICE LADY.

YOU REMIND ME
OF MY AUNT GLADYS.
I DO?

SHE COULDN'T ICE-SKATE,
BUT SHE WAS A SWEETHEART.
OH.

OH, UH, I BROUGHT
YOUR PURSE, MA'AM.
YOU LEFT IT IN THE CAR.

THANK YOU. YOU CERTAINLY
BELIEVE IN LIVING UP
TO YOUR REPUTATION.

OH, MRS. SMOOTH, JOE SAID THAT
YOU OUGHTA GET THE TEACHER
SOMETHIN' TO SLEEP IN.

OH, FINE. THERE.
EASY, BOY.

[ Sobbing ]
SHE DIED, COWBOY.

WELL, IT CERTAINLY
DOES HAVE
AN EFFECT ON HIM.

I'LL HELP YA GET TO YOUR BUNK.
A LITTLE BIT OF SUNSHINE
WENT AWAY FOREVER.

WHAT'RE YOU TALKIN'
ABOUT, ACE? WHO DIED?
MY AUNT GLADYS.

WELL, WE ALL
GOTTA GO SOMETIME.

THE ONLY PERSON
WHO EVER LOVED ME.

NOW, PULL YOURSELF
TOGETHER, ACE.

I'D GIVE ANYTHING
IF I COULD SEE HER AGAIN.
WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?

WELL, SHE WAS MAKIN' BOOK
IN OAKLAND, AND THEY
CAUGHT HER ON THE TAKE...

AND DROPPED HER
IN THE BAY.

[ Imitates Splash ]
THAT'S ROUGH.

[ Sobs ]
OKAY.
I'LL BE ALL RIGHT NOW.

YOU GET SOME REST.
WE GOT A BIG JOB
AHEAD OF US.

THANKS A LOT, COWBOY.
[ Imitates Gunshot ]

YOU'RE A GOOD COWBOY.

[ Snarling, Barking ]

[ Growling ]

[ Growling Continues ]

[ Barking ]

[ Exhales ]

[ Barking ]

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

[ Barking Continues ]

[ Barking Stops ]

[ Tapping At Window ]

WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU
DOING OUT THERE?
SHH! LET ME IN, QUICK!

GO AWAY.
NO. DO YOU WANT ME TO
FALL OFF AND BREAK MY NECK?

WOULD YOU?
THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.

WELL, BE INSULTED
AND GO AWAY.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

DON'T YOU DARE
COME IN HERE.

WHY DON'T YOU GO SEE
THE LADY NEXT DOOR?
YOU'RE MORE HER TYPE.

BUT I'M NOT THAT TYPE.
WELL, THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD
IMITATION YOU DID IN THE HALL.

THAT'S JUST IT.
EXCUSE ME.
[ Dog Barking ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THE DOG.

[ Barking Stops ]
THAT'S JUST WHAT IT WAS:
AN IMITATION.

I WAS PLAYING A PART.
I'VE BEEN PLAYIN'
PARTS ALL NIGHT,

PRETENDIN' TO BE A DRUNK,
PRETENDIN' TO BE A GANGSTER.

LOOK, IF I WAS DRUNK,
COULD I BALANCE
OUT ON THIS LEDGE?

MAYBE.
I'M A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES,
JUST LIKE YOU.

LOOK, MY NAME...
MY NAME IS JACK ALBANY.

I'M AN ACTOR. THAT'S WHY
YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW ME.

YOU'VE PROBABLY SEEN ME
ON TV. LOOK CLOSE.

I ONLY WATCH
DOCUMENTARIES.
NOT ONLY TV.

A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO,
I DID TWELFTH NIGHT
AT THE PHOENIX THEATER.

YOU DO KNOW
THE PHOENIX THEATER?

WELL, YEAH.
I SAW TWELFTH NIGHT.
THEN YOU REMEMBER ME.

NO, I DON'T.
I PLAYED MALVOLIO.

"NEVER W...

"NEVER WAS A MAN THUS WRONGED.
BUT DO NOT THINK ME MAD.
OH, BROTHER.

I'VE BEEN LAIN HERE
IN HIDEOUS DARKNESS."

WALTER KERR
REMEMBERED ME.
HE DID?

I GOT A COPY OF THE REVIEW.
HE SAID THAT MY MALVOL...

[ Gasps ]

[ Dog Barking ]

- HELP.
- YOU REALLY ARE INSANE.

WHATEVER YOU SAY.
JUST HELP ME UP.

[ Dog Growling ]

[ Grunting ]

I'M TRYING.

OH.

ALL RIGHT,
READ IT FOR YOURSELF.
[ Knocking At Door ]

HIDE.

[ Chattering Indistinctly ]

[ Growling, Barking ]

[ Barking Continues ]

[ Whispering ]
I HAVEN'T GOT ANY MORE.
[ Barking Continues ]

I WOULDN'T HOLD OUT ON YA.

MR. WILLIAMS!
YOU NEED SOME HELP?
NOPE, NOPE.

SHH.
OH, DON'T YOU WORRY.
I'VE GOT YOU.

[ Barking Continues ]
THIS IS
VERY DANGEROUS UP HERE.

OH, IT CERTAINLY IS.

- [ Barking Continues ]
- SHUT UP, CAESAR!

[ Growling ]
WHAT'S GOIN' ON, HERE?

- HI, JOE, HONEY.
- MELANIE, DISAPPEAR.

HEY, WHAT DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE DOING?

JUST OUT FOR A LITTLE STROLL
IN THE FRESH AIR, JOE.

LOOK OUT!

I RAN INTO THAT LADY
THAT REMINDED ME OF HER.

- REMINDED YOU OF WHO?
- POOR AUNT GLADYS.

ACE, I SUGGEST YOU
GET INSIDE AND STAY THERE.

YOU'RE LIABLE TO FIND
YOURSELF IN A STRAITJACKET.

OH, THAT'S WHAT THEY DID
TO POOR AUNT GLADYS,

AND THEY DIDN'T HAVE
TO DO THAT WHEN THEY
DROPPED HER IN THE BAY.

SHE COULDN'T SWIM ANYWAY.
ACE, I NEED YOU TOMORROW,

SO I DON'T WANT YOU
GETTING HURT.

YOU GET HURT,
I'LL KILL YOU.
NOW GO TO BED.

GOOD NIGHT, JOE.

[ Caesar Growling, Barking ]

SEE THAT HE STAYS
IN HIS ROOM 'TIL
HE SLEEPS IT OFF.

SHUT UP, CAESAR!
YEAH, SHUT UP!

THE THINGS I HAVE
TO PUT UP WITH.

A LESSER MAN
WOULD BREAK DOWN.

HI, ACE.

I HOPE YOU'RE
FEELIN' BETTER.
YEAH. YEAH, BETTER.

I, UH, COULD USE A COUPLE
OF ASPIRIN, THOUGH.
WHY, CERTAINLY.

YOU CAN KEEP
THE WHOLE TIN.
THANKS.

[ Doorbell Chimes ]

- WHERE'S THE BOSS?
- BUSY.

- SOMEBODY'S HERE TO SEE HIM.
- WHEN THE BOSS IS BUSY,
HE'S BUSY.

YOU BETTER TELL HIM.
HE SAYS HE'S ACE WILLIAMS.

UH, COULD USE SOME WATER
WITH THESE ASPIRIN.

AH, WE HAVE SOME WATER
RIGHT...
NO GLASS.

OH. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

UH-UH.

JOE WOULDN'T LIKE THAT.

[ Chuckles ]

HE WANTS YOU...
DOWNSTAIRS.

WHAT'S UP?
YOU TELL ME.

I DON'T LIKE RIDDLIN',
PUNK.

WHO'S RIDDLIN'?

YOU ARE.
RIDDLIN' AND GRINNIN'.

HA-HA.
I'M DOIN' NOTHIN'.
YOU JUST KEEP DOIN' THAT.

WELL, YOU LOOK
IN PRETTY GOOD SHAPE.

- NOTHING KEEPS ME
DOWN FOR LONG.
- THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR.

YEAH, I SNAP BACK
LIKE A WHIP!

WISH THE TRICK WAS TONIGHT.
I'M ITCHIN' FOR SOME ACTION.

MAYBE WE CAN
ARRANGE SOMETHING.

COWBOY, HOW'S IT GOIN'?

SOMEONE HERE
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET.

WELL, I'LL MEET HIM
OR KILL HIM. YOU NAME IT.
THIS IS ACE WILLIAMS.

WHO'S HE?
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM?
HE DEAF OR SOMETHING?

WELL, I'LL TRY AGAIN.

ACE WILLIAMS,
MEET ACE WILLIAMS.

THAT'S...
THAT'S PRETTY FUNNY, JOE.

HE ARRIVED AT THE GATE
A FEW MINUTES AGO.

WHA...
I MEAN, THIS IS CRAZY!
YOU DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE ME.

IF THEY'RE GONNA BRING IN
A RINGER, THEY'D GET SOMEBODY
THAT LOOKED THE PART.

- WHO'S THEY?
- DON'T ASK ME.
ASK THE PHONY.

WHO'S THEY?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT.

PEPPY TOLD ME
TO SHOW UP HERE...
HE KNOWS ABOUT PEPPY.

THEY'RE VERY THOROUGH.
WHO'S THEY?

LOOK, PHONY, WE GOT WAYS
OF MAKIN' YOU TALK.

WHAT IS THIS,
SOME KIND OF A NUTHOUSE?

I COME EAST TO DO A JOB
FOR JOE SMOOTH.

I COME IN BLIND, 'CAUSE
PEPPY SAYS IT'S OKAY.

THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR IT.

AH, SO I'VE GOT A PAIR OF ACES,
AND I'VE GOT TO DISCARD ONE.

YOU GOT ONE ACE...
AND A JOKER.

LOOK, PHONY,
YOU KNOW ACE WILLIAMS'
REPUTATION?

YOU COULD GET YOURSELF
KILLED REAL QUICK.

MMM. THAT'S RIGHT.

SUPPOSE YOU TRY IT.

IT'S UP TO YOU, BOSS.
YOU WANT M-ME TO MAKE
THIS JOKER DEAD?

RELAX, WILL YOU?
LET'S SEE IF WE CAN'T
DO IT THE EASY WAY.

I'M SUGGESTIN'
THE EASY WAY.

YOU GOT
SOME IDENTIFICATION?

UH... NO, I AIN'T.

SEE, I GOT ROLLED.
THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T MAKE
IT TO THE WAREHOUSE.

[ Chuckling ]
I, UH... GOT MIXED UP
WITH THIS REDHEAD.

SHE GAVE ME A MICKEY
AND TOOK MY WALLET
WITH 600 BUCKS.

I WOKE UP IN AN ALLEY.
I TOLD BETTER STORIES
THAN THAT IN NURSERY SCHOOL.

THAT'S AN INSULT
TO JOE'S INTELLIGENCE.

BROADS ALWAYS WAS TROUBLE
FOR ME, MR. SMOOTH.

YEAH. PEPPY SAID SO.

YOU GOT SOME I.D.?

WELL?

LOOK, I DON'T LIKE LOWERIN'
MYSELF FOR A PHONY.

BE A LOT MORE DIGNIFIED,
YOU JUST LET ME KILL HIM.

LET HIM DO THAT.
YE... EXCUSE ME, COWBOY.

[ Frank ]
HEY, JOE.
YEAH?

- I GOT AN IDEA.
- WHAT IDEA?

YOU WANNA FIND OUT WHICH ONE
IS THE BIG KILLER-MAN, RIGHT?
YEAH.

SO PUT 'EM BOTH IN A ROOM,
LOCK THE DOOR...

AND THE ONE
THAT COMES OUT IS HIM.

NOT BAD.

[ Chuckling ]
THAT'S PRETTY CORNY.

JUST SHOW US THE ROOM
AND LET ME AT HIM.
[ Joe ] GOT STYLE.

REMINDS ME
OF THE OLD DAYS.

'COURSE, THERE'S A CHANCE
THAT NEITHER ONE
WILL COME OUT.

- DON'T YOU COUNT ON IT.
- WE'LL DO IT.

WE'LL USE THE LIBRARY.

AW, SHUT UP,
YA GREASY LITTLE PUNK.

NOW, WE, UH, WANT TO KEEP
THIS CONTEST ABSOLUTELY
FAIR AND SQUARE,

SO NO WEAPONS OF ANY KIND.

OKAY WITH YOU?
OKAY?
MM-HMM.

[ Chuckles Nervously ]
LIGHTS ON OR OFF?

ANY PREFERENCES?
NO.

HOWEVER WE FIND THE ROOM,
THAT'S THE WAY IT STAYS.

OFF.

NEW ACE TO THE LEFT.
OLD ACE TO THE RIGHT.

HAVE A GOOD GAME, GENTLEMEN.

I'LL BE WAITING OUTSIDE TO SEE
WHO COMES OUT ACE-HIGH.
[ Laughing ]

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I
GOT A TASTE FOR?

POPCORN.
YEAH.

[ Thud ]

MR. WILLIAMS?
MR. WILLIAMS?

WE'RE A COUPLE OF
INTELLIGENT, CIVILIZED MEN.

WE DON'T HAVE TO
SETTLE OUR DIFFERENCES
LIKE SAVAGES.

[ Thud ]
OH!

OOH,
I'M SORRY, MR. WILLIAMS.

WH-WHY DON'T WE JUST
SIT DOWN AND TALK
THIS THING OVER?

[ Thud ]
[ Thud ]

[ Clattering ]

WHY, IF... IF TWO MEN
IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS...

CAN REACH AN ACCOMMODATION,
WH-WHO KNOWS BUT WHAT...

NATIONS, TOO, CAN LEARN
TO REASON INSTEAD OF FIGHT.

HI.

[ Chuckling ]
YEAH.

PERHAPS FROM
THE SEED OF CONCORD
WE PLANT HERE TONIGHT,

A-A GREAT FRUIT-BEARING
TREE WILL GROW...

A-AN UMBRELLA OF PEACE,
SPREADING ITS BRANCHES OVER
THE WHOLE BEAUTIFUL WORLD.

INTERNATIONAL BROTHERHOOD
OF EVERY RACE AND CREED...
YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'
HERE?

- SEE IF I KILLED HIM.
- NO, YOU DIDN'T KILL HIM.

[ Sighs ]

YOU'RE QUITE A GIRL.
THANK YOU. OH.

OH, I'M SORRY.
YEAH, I KNOW. IT'S
AN OLD MACHINE-GUN WOUND.

IT UNNERVED ME.
YOU MIND IF I CALL YOU
SALLY?

NO. OH.

LISTEN.
WHEN YOU GUYS CAME IN,
I WAS HIDING BEHIND THE DESK.

I WAS TRYING TO GET
TO THE TELEPHONE. IF...
NO, DON'T.

THEY GOT
A SWITCHBOARD.
OH, NO.

HEY, YOU...

YOU FINALLY REMEMBERED
SEEING ME IN TWELFTH NIGHT.
NO.

WELL, HOW DID YOU KNOW
TO HIT HIM?

IT WAS PRETTY OBVIOUS
WHICH ONE WASN'T
THE PROFESSIONAL KILLER.

"AN UMBRELLA OF PEACE
SPREADING ITS..."
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

I THINK I DID PRETTY GOOD
UP TO A POINT.
I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE
CRITICAL. HOW DID YOU
GET IN THIS MESS?

MISTAKEN IDENTITY.
I DID A TELEVISION SHOW
TONIGHT. ON MY WAY HO...

HOW COULD YOU HAVE SEEN
TWELFTH NIGHT
AND NOT REMEMBER ME?

ALL OF THE CRITICS RAVED.
WALTER KERR RAVED ABOUT ME.
HE'S MOVING.

NO, HE'S NOT.
SORRY, BUT I HAD TO BRING
YOU DOWN TO EARTH SOMEHOW.

LOOK, JOE AND HIS FRIENDS
ARE WAITIN' OUTSIDE.

IN A FEW MINUTES, YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO BE MAKING YOUR
TRIUMPHANT REAPPEARANCE.

YEAH. LOOK, I CAN'T
LEAVE YOU HERE ALONE.

WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE.
E-EXCUSE ME.

NO. THERE'S A BIG DOG
OUT THERE.

CAESAR?
HE KNOWS ME.

THERE'S A FENCE TOO.

HEY, IF YOU CAN
HANDLE THAT DOG,
I CAN CLIMB THE FENCE.

IT'S ELECTRIFIED.
OH.

WHAT?
I WAS WEARIN' A LONG WIG
AND THOSE SKINNY TIGHTS.

THAT'S WHY YOU DIDN'T
RECOGNIZE ME.
HE'S MOVING!

WILL YA STOP WITH THAT?
NO, REALLY!

YEAH?

- WHERE YA GOIN'?
- I'M HIDING AGAIN.

WHEN THE COAST IS CLEAR,
I'LL GO BACK TO MY ROOM.
I'LL BE OKAY.

COME SEE ME LATER, HUH?

OH. THANK YOU.

- WHAT FOR?
- FOR SAVIN' MY LIFE.

OH, THAT? I'D DO THAT
FOR ANY GREAT ACTOR.

- THANKS.
- GOOD LUCK.

HEY!
WHO WON? WHO WON?

I DIDN'T
HEAR NOTHIN'!
AH, THAT SETTLES IT!

YOU DIDN'T EVEN
GET RUMPLED.

HOW'D YOU DO IT?
I'M CURIOUS.
JUST AN
ORDINARY AUSTRALIAN NECK-KLOP.

- HEY! HE AIN'T DEAD!
- WHAT?

THE NECK-KLOP DISABLES.
IT DOESN'T KILL.

WELL, WHAT'D YA WANNA GO
AND USE THAT KLOP FOR?

IF I KILL HIM, HIS MOUTH
IS SEALED FOREVER.
SO LET IT BE SEALED.

THEN YOU NEVER FIND OUT
WHO "THEY" IS.

YEAH. YEAH,
THAT'S GOOD THINKING.

ALL RIGHT, NOW,
LOCK HIM UP
IN THE CELLAR.

NOW I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING.

I KNEW ALL THE TIME
YOU WERE THE REAL ACE.

[ Chuckling ]

GET A GOOD NIGHT'S
SLEEP, BOYS.

WE'VE GOT A BIG DAY
AHEAD OF US TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT, JOE.
HEY, POPS, JOE'S RIGHT.

YOU NEED YOUR REST.
YOU WASH YOUR GLASSES,
OR YOU'LL LOSE YOUR LICENSE.

OH. HAVE A GOOD NIGHT'S
SLEEP, COWBOY.

OH, I SLEEP BETTER
IN THE OPEN, RINZY.

[ Bobby ]
SIX HUNDRED GS
FOR ONE PICTURE.

HEY, WHY DON'T WE
DO SOME PAINTIN'?

CAN I GET YA
ANYTHING ELSE, BOSS?

NO, THANKS, FRANCIS.
YOU BETTER TURN IN.

OKAY. GOOD NIGHT.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
NEVER COMING. I'M FINE.

SALLY, SOMETHING VERY
PECULIAR IS HAPPENING.
WHAT?

I WAS SITTING DOWN THERE
WORRYING MORE ABOUT YOU
THAN ABOUT MYSELF.

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE
THAT MEANS?
I DON'T KNOW.

YOU THINK
I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU?

I-I'VE NEVER
BEEN IN LOVE
WITH ANYONE BEFORE.

I MEAN, EXCEPT MYSELF.
I-I GOT GOOSE BUMPS
ALL OVER.

WELL, LISTEN, IT'S
PROBABLY JUST A REACTION
TO MY SAVING YOUR LIFE.

I MEAN, YOU'RE CONFUSING
LOVE WITH GRATITUDE.

YEAH, MAYBE. MAYBE.

JACK.

WHY WAS JOE SHOWING
THAT PICTURE OF
THE "SUNFLOWERS"?

WE'RE GONNA STEAL IT
TOMORROW.

AT THE RECEPTION?
NO, AFTERWARDS.

WE'RE GONNA IMPERSONATE
THE CATERING SERVICE.

I HAVE TO KILL
TWO GUARDS QUIETLY.

I CAN'T KILL
TWO GUARDS QUIETLY.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

WHAT'S THE SCHEDULE?

UH, THERE'S A 10:00 BRIEFING
IN THE MORNING,

AND THEN AFTER LUNCH
IS A DRESS REHEARSAL.

THEN THE FIRST GROUP...
THE GUYS THAT ARE GONNA
HIJACK THE TRUCK...

LEAVE AT 3:00, THEN
THE REST OF US AT 3:30.

AND THERE'S NO ONE
GOING OR COMING
BEFORE THEN?

THERE IS NO ONE GOING
OR COMING BEFORE THEN.
JOE'S PLAYIN' IT VERY CLOSE.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

NO.
YES, YOU ARE.

AH, MY NOSE IS WRONG.
I LIKE YOUR NOSE.

I-IT'S TOO SHORT,
AND HAS NO BRIDGE. I'VE
DONE SELF-PORTRAITS.

HOW DID YOU EVER GET
MIXED UP WITH JOE SMOOTH?

OH, HE CAME TO SEE
AN EXHIBIT OF MY THINGS IN
A GALLERY IN THE VILLAGE...

AND HE BOUGHT THREE
PAINTINGS AND HE HIRED ME
AS AN ART INSTRUCTOR.

- DIDN'T YOU KNOW WHAT HE WAS?
- YEAH, BUT, UM, I DIDN'T THINK
VERY MUCH ABOUT IT.

I MEAN, THE MONEY WAS GOOD;
AND AFTER ALL, A STRUGGLING
ARTIST CAN ALWAYS USE MONEY.

AND THEN, I'VE NEVER BEEN
MUCH AFRAID OF ANYTHING.

'COURSE, I ADMIT
I'M AFRAID NOW.

- WE'RE BOTH HAVIN'
SOME NEW EXPERIENCES.
- WELL, IT'S ALL UP TO YOU.

HUH?
WELL, I MEAN, WITH
THE ELECTRIC FENCE...

AND THE GUARDS
AND THE SWITCHBOARD
AND EVERYTHING,

THERE'S NOT MUCH HOPE
OF OUR ESCAPING.

BUT TOMORROW WHEN YOU
GET OUT OF HERE...
I'LL BE WITH JOE AND THE REST.

YOU'LL FIND A WAY
TO GET WORD TO SOMEBODY.
NO, I WON'T.

IF NOWHERE ELSE,
AT THE PARTY.

THERE'LL BE OVER A HUNDRED
PEOPLE AT THAT RECEPTION.
THEY'LL BE WATCHIN' ME.

THEY DON'T SUSPECT YOU.

JUST KEEP PLAYING THE PART
OF ACE WILLIAMS...

AS BRILLIANTLY
AS YOU'VE DONE SO FAR,

AND WAIT
FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT.

THE THING IS, JACK,
IT'S OUR ONLY CHANCE.

I'LL TRY.
I KNOW YOU WILL.

LISTEN, WILL YOU
BE SAFE 'TIL THEN?

OH, YEAH. LISTEN, I DON'T THINK
JOE'S GONNA WORRY ABOUT ME MUCH
UNTIL TOMORROW'S DONE.

YEAH. YOU AND ACE WILLIAMS,
THE REAL ONE.
HE'S LOCKED IN THE CELLAR.

OUR ACE IN THE HOLE.
WOULD YOU LET ME
DO THE BAD JOKES, PLEASE?

I'M SORRY.
HADN'T YOU BETTER GO?

SALLY, LOOK.
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
YEAH?

I WANT YOU TO KEEP
TELLING YOURSELF THAT
'TIL YOU BELIEVE IT.

WHEN YOU REALLY BELIEVE IT,
CONVINCE ME, WILL YA?

YOU KNOW, THERE'S AN ENTIRELY
DIFFERENT APPROACH
WE COULD TAKE TO THIS.

YOU KNOW,
IT'S OUR LAST NIGHT...

- UH, SAY GOOD NIGHT,
JACK.
- GOOD NIGHT, JACK.

MR. WILLIAMS?
I FOUND IT.

WHAT?
THE LO MAGAZINE COVER.

I PUT IT IN MY SCRAPBOOK
SO I COULD HAVE IT FRAMED,

BUT THEN I KEPT FORGETTIN'
TO GO TO THE FRAME SHOP, BECAUSE
I NEVER GET INTO TOWN ANYWAY.

HOW ARE YOU?
HMM?

YOU CERTAINLY WERE
UNDER THE INFLUENCE.

OH, THAT. YEAH.

I DIDN'T NOTICE UNTIL
YOU WERE ON THAT LEDGE.
IT'S POISON TO ME.

THERE WAS A BOY LIKE THAT
IN THE SCANDALS.

HE WAS A TRICK SKATER,
AND NOBODY REALLY KNEW IT...

UNTIL ONE NIGHT HE WAS GONNA
JUMP OVER SIX BARRELS
AND HE ONLY MADE FOUR OF 'EM.

[ Laughing ]
IN NO TIME AT ALL,
HE DRANK HIS CAREER AWAY.

IT WAS REALLY SAD.
[ Laughing ]

ME... ON THE COVER
OF LOOK.

WELL.
I'LL BET YOU DIDN'T
BELIEVE ME, DID YOU?

WELL, SURE, I DID.
WELL, A REAL,
UH, CELEBRITY.

WHY, YOU'RE VERY NICE...
WHEN YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING.
WELL, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE VERY SENSITIVE.
YOU'RE NOT LIKE
THE REST OF 'EM.

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE
THAT YOU'RE WHAT YOU ARE.

YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE
AREN'T WHAT YOU THINK
THEY ARE.

AREN'T WE COZY?

- GET LOST, FRANK.
- DIDN'T ANYBODY MENTION
THAT SHE BELONGS TO JOE?

WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM,
A PIECE OF PROPERTY?

YEAH!
STAY AWAY FROM HER.
I GOT RIGHTS.

WHAT RIGHTS? YOU'RE JUST
A BROAD. GOT ANYTHING
TO SAY ABOUT THAT?

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
A FIST IN THE MOUTH?
YOU WOULDN'T DARE!

OH, WOULDN'T I?
YES, I... AAGH!
NO!

[ Sneezes ]

[ Melanie Screaming ]
I'M A SOUTHERN LADY!

[ Indistinct Screaming,
Banging, Glass Breaking ]

ALL RIGHT.

NOW, COWBOY, UH,

YOU HAVE A TENDENCY
TO LEAN ON PEOPLE.

NOW, KEEP YOUR DISTANCE.

NOW TRY IT AGAIN.

HOR DOOVERS?
DON'T MIND IF I DO.

JUST A MINUTE.
THAT WORD IS HORS D'OEUVRES.

AWR DOOVER?
HORS D'OEUVRE.

ORD...

NEVER MIND. SKIP IT.
AVOID THE WORD.

IN FACT, DON'T TALK
ANY MORE THAN YOU HAVE TO.

THAT'S A GOOD GENERAL RULE.

AND, UH, NO HAT.

BOBBY, IS THAT GUM
IN YOUR MOUTH?
YEAH.

NO GUM.

NO GUM.

NOW, UH,
WHEN THE RECEPTION IS OVER,

YOU TAKE EVERYTHING BACK
INTO THE KITCHEN
AND START CLEANING UP.

NOW, FRANK, FLORIAN,
YOU'LL BE THE DISHWASHERS.

NOW, BOBBY AND COWBOY,

YOU'LL DO THE PACKING.

NOW IT'S YOUR PARTY, ACE.

LET'S GO THROUGH IT.
BOSS?

HMM?
IT IS TIME
FOR YOUR ULCER PILL.

OH, YEAH.

AHH.

JUST A MINUTE, FRANCIS.
STAY RIGHT THERE.
YOU CAN BE THE GUARD.

- YEAH?
- LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TO
REHEARSE MY ACTION,

WITH ALL MY EXPERIENCE.
THIS IS
A DRESS REHEARSAL.

EVERYBODY PLAYS HIS PART.
FRANCIS, GIVE ACE THAT TRAY.

THAT'S IT.

NOW YOU, UH, ASK HIM
VERY FRIENDLY-LIKE...

IF WE WOULD
LIKE SOME ORS DOOV...

SOME HORS D'OEUVRES.

YOU PUT DOWN THE TRAY.
WHAT IF HE SAYS NO?

- HE WON'T.
- I WON'T.

WELL, MAYBE
HE'S NOT HUNGRY.
HE WON'T SAY NO.

- I PROMISE.
- NOW, AH, YOU ASK HIM,

YOU PUT DOWN THE TRAY,

AND THEN YOU KILL HIM.

I CAN'T DO IT.
WHAT?

IT'S TOUGH FOR ME
TO FAKE A KILL.

ONCE I GET STARTED,
I MIGHT GET CARRIED AWAY
AND DO IT.

THAT'S HOW SINCERE I AM.
CAN YA SPARE HIM?

WELL, I'LL TELL YA
WHAT YOU DO.

NOW, AFTER YOU
PUT DOWN THE TRAY,

PUT YOUR HANDS
IN YOUR POCKET.

YOU MOVE IN ON HIM,
FIGURE OUT YOUR STROKE,

BUT DON'T
ACTUALLY DO IT.

OKAY?
I'LL TRY.

GOOD EVENING, OFFICER.
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
LIKE A SNACK.

THANK YOU. I WAS GETTING HUNGRY
AT THIS PARTICULAR MOMENT.
THAT'S FINE.

HEY, ACE?

JOE! JOE! STOP HIM!

WAIT A MINUTE!
EASY, BOY!

SEE WHAT I MEAN?
YEAH. YOU'RE
A REAL HOTSHOT, ACE.

OH, UH, DON'T FORGET
TO PUT ON THE ELECTRIC.
KEEP THE HOME FIRES BURNING.

RIGHT, BOSS.

DO YOU BELIEVE
IN DESTINY, ACE?

WHAT?
I SAID, UH,
DO YOU BELIEVE IN DESTINY?

YES. YES, I DO.

WELL, SO DO I.

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE,
I FEEL LIKE I HAVE
A DATE WITH DESTINY.

YOU DO?
YOU KNOW, WE ALL DO.

YOU KNOW, I CAN REMEMBER
THE DAY...
SOMETIMES
IT'S HARD TO SEE...

WHERE YOU'RE GOIN',
BUT THEN YOU GET THERE
AND YOU SAY,

"OF COURSE!"
LIKE I SAID,

I CAN REMEMBER
THE DAY BACK IN 1935...

WHEN I KNOCKED OVER
THE METROPOLITAN BANK.

I MEAN, I LOOK AT ME
RIGHT NOW.

HERE I AM ON MY WAY
TO HELP, UH, THE THEFT
OF A WORLD-FAMOUS PAINTING,

IN THE COMPANY
OF A BUNCH OF...

OF, UH, PEOPLE
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
UNTIL LAST NIGHT.

WHY? I MEAN,
WHAT'S IT ALL FOR?

I HIRED YOU.
I MET SOMEONE,
THAT'S WHY.

SOMEONE WHO'S GONNA
CHANGE MY WHOLE LIFE.
UH, WHATEVER'S LEFT OF IT.

WHO?
YOU, JOE.

DON'T YOU THINK
THAT THIS IS GONNA
CHANGE MY CAREER?

I MEAN, MEETIN'
ONE OF THE GREATS,
AW.

SEEIN' HIS MIND AT WORK,
WATCHIN' HIM LEAD HIS MEN.

AND AN ARTIST TOO!
AW, COME ON, NOW.
[ Chuckling ]

UH, BY THE WAY,
WHAT, UH...

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO WITH THE TEACHER?
TEACHER?

WHY, THE ART TEACHER.
OH.

PRETTY SHARP-LOOKIN'
BROAD.

WELL, I HATE TO PUT HER
OUT OF BUSINESS.
I KINDA LIKE HER.

WELL, I BET
SHE'S A GOOD TEACHER.

GOOD TEACHERS
ARE HARD TO COME BY.

WELL, I'VE LEARNED
ABOUT EVERYTHING
SHE HAS TO TEACH.

WAIT 'TIL
SHE SEES "SUNFLOWERS"
IN THE GRAND SALON.

YOU KNOW WHAT SHE HAD
THE NERVE TO TELL ME ONCE?

SHE TOLD ME THAT ALL THE ART
I EVER BOUGHT IN FRANCE,
ENGLAND, ALL PLACES,

SAID IT WAS JUNK.
[ Chuckling ] WELL,
WHAT DOES SHE KNOW?

WE'LL SEE HOW
SHE TURNS UP HER NOSE
AT "SUNFLOWERS," HUH?

[ Chuckling ]
BOY.

RIGHT ON THE BUTTON.

RIGHT BACK WHERE I STARTED.

HEY, WHERE'RE YOU GOING?

UH, I WAS THIRSTY.
I THOUGHT MAYBE
THERE WAS WATER.

BOSS, RINZY WAS GREAT.
YOU SHOULDA SEEN
THE WAY HE RAN 'EM OVER.

DON'T STOP WITH NAMES.
GIVE THEM ADDRESSES
AND TELEPHONE NUMBERS.

OH, BOSS.

GET 'EM OUT OF THE TRUCK
INTO THE STOREROOM.

COME ON. DOWN.
STEP DOWN.
MAKE IT SNAPPY.

- COME ON, MAKE IT SNAPPY.
- COME ON! LET'S GO!
LET'S GO!

ALL RIGHT.
NOW ALL YOU FELLAS START
GETTING INTO UNIFORM.

DON'T WASTE ANY TIME.
MAKE IT AS SNAPPY AS
YOU CAN. YOU TOO, ACE.

- HERE.
- TIME FOR YOU GUYS TO SHOW ME
WHAT KIND OF ACTORS YOU ARE.

[ Radio Announcer ]
AND THE WINNER OF THE SECOND
RACE WAS LAURIE TIGER,

WITH ANTARES SECOND
AND REBEL'S GLORY THIRD.

LAURIE TIGER, RIDDEN
BY BELLOWS, PAID $9.80,

$5.00 AND $3.60.

ANTARES PAID $4.20 TO PLACE
AND $3.60 TO SHOW.

REBEL'S GLORY PAID $10.20.

AND THE DAILY DOUBLE,
DRAGON FLY TO LAURIE TIGER,
PAID $65.40.

GREAT GUNS WON THE THIRD,
HENRY'S FIFTH WAS SECOND
AND UNCLE THOR RAN THIRD.

[ Continuing Indistinct ]

HENRY'S FIFTH
PAID $4.60 AND $3.40.

UNCLE THOR PAID $5.30.

THE FOURTH RACE WAS WON
BY RONALD'S DREAM,
BY JIMINY SECOND...

- [ Ace Williams ] AAGH!
- [ Announcer ]
...$4.80 AND $3.20.

BY JIMINY PAID $8.20
AND $4.40.

HELDERGUARD PAID
THREE DOLLARS EVEN.

THE FIFTH RACE
WAS WON BY MARY ANN
WITH HERMAN G SECOND...

"WHEN THE FRONT
OR BACK CORD LIGHT..."
OH.

[ Phone Rings ]
SCOOTER BLAKE WON THE SIXTH,
ROCKY TODD WAS SECOND...

AND TOMSY BOY WAS THIRD.

SCOOTER BLAKE,
RIDDEN BY SHERIDAN...
HELLO. HELLO.

[ Whispering ]
HELLO?

...$5.40 AND $3.80.
TOMSY BOY PAID $6.80.

[ Console Buzzing ]
HELP. HE-HELLO?

[ Many Phones Ringing ]

- [ Buzzing Continues ]
- [ Ringing Continues ]

OHH.

[ More Phones Ringing ]

HEY!
OH, THIS?

I WAS CALLING MY ROOMMATE
TO TELL HER I WOULDN'T
BE HOME TONIGHT.

LISTEN, LADY, YOU'RE
GONNA GET ME IN TR...

LISTEN, LADY!

[ Radio Announcer
Chattering Indistinctly ]

[ Crash ]

[ Francis ]
HEY!

[ Shouts, Grunts ]

LADY,
YOU'RE GETTIN' ME MAD!

THE SWITCH!
WHERE'S THE SWITCH?

HEY!

HEY, LADY.

HEY! HEY, LADY!

AAH! AH, LADY!

COME ON, LADY!

[ Radio Announcer
Continues Indistinct ]

[ Announcer ]
IN THE FOURTH, IT WAS
PEACHES AND CREAM WINNING IT...

♪♪ [ Loud Jazz ]

[ Whirring ]

[ Whirring, Music
And Radio Continue ]

[ Appliances Whirring ]

♪♪ [ Loud Jazz ]

[ Whirring ]

HEY!

[ Electricity Crackling ]

♪♪ [ Mood Music ]

OH! ALL THOSE CALORIES!

OH. WILL YOU HAVE
SOMETHING, MR. SMOOTH?

OH, UH,
UN PETIT PATE.

WELL, HOW CAN ONE RESIST?

THANK YOU, MY GOOD MAN.

AH. OH, DO GO ON,
MR. SMOOTH.

YOU WERE TRYING
TO DESCRIBE WHAT PICASSO
MEANS TO YOU PERSONALLY.

HERE'S ANOTHER EMPTY.
I'LL SAY ONE THING,
THEY SURE COULD EAT.

DON'T NOBODY EVER
FEED THEM AT HOME?
NEED ANY HELP?

YOU AIN'T TRAINED FOR IT.
THE BOSS SET IT UP JUST SO.

THAT'S STUPID.
IF YOU NEED HELP...
WE DO IT THE WAY WE REHEARSED.

OKAY, BOYS, THAT'S GOOD.
FINE. THANK YOU.
NICE TUNE.

ALL RIGHT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
JUST MOVE IN, PLEASE.
THANK YOU. COME ON.

THIS IS THE MOMENT
YOU'VE ALL
BEEN WAITING FOR.

MAY I HAVE
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?
NOW BEAT IT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT IS WITH GREAT PRIDE
THAT WE PRESENT TO YOU...

OUR MOST RECENT AND, UH,
PERHAPS OUR MOST
IMPORTANT ACQUISITION.

A MODERN MASTERPIECE:

"FIELD OF SUNFLOWERS"
BY DUBREAUX.

[ Awestruck Murmuring ]
OH!
BEAUTIFUL.

MAGNIFICENT, ISN'T IT?
OH, HEROIC.

I'M SORRY
TO DISTURB YOU, SIR.

- UH, THE RECEPTION IS OVER.
- OH, YES, YES, OF COURSE.

WE, UH, HAVE TO
CLOSE THE MUSEUM.
AH, THANK YOU.

AND, UH, THANK YOU
FOR COMING, MISTER, UH...

SMOOTH.
LEO JOSEPH SMOOTH.

OKAY, ACE. YOU READY?

WHAT'S THAT FOR?
WELL, JUST IN CASE.

WELL,
JUST IN CASE OF WHAT?

SOMETIMES THINGS GO WRONG.

YOU SHOOT THAT, COPS'LL
COME FROM THREE STATES.

DON'T WORRY. I AIN'T GOT
AN ITCHY TRIGGER FINGER.

- JOE WOULDN'T WANT YOU SHOOT...
- RELAX, ACE. RELAX. RELAX.

HERE. DO YOUR STUFF.

IT'S JUST IN CASE.

COME ON.

SIR.

SIR, MY NAME
IS JACK ALBANY.

I AM HERE OSTENSIBLY
TO OFFER YOU
SOME LEFTOVERS,

BUT I AM NOT REALLY
WITH THE CATERING SERVICE.

ACTUALLY... ACTUALLY,
I'M CHARGED
WITH KILLING YOU.

NOW, DON'T TURN AROUND,
AND DON'T SHOW
ANY SURPRISE.

NOW, I ASSURE YOU,
I AM NOT GOING
TO KILL ANYBODY,

BUT JUST BEHIND
THOSE KITCHEN DOORS...

SIR, I AM TRYING
TO TELL YOU...

THAT THERE'S A TOMMY GUN
TRAINED ON US
THIS VERY MOMENT.

SIR?

JUST MY LUCK.
A DEAF GUARD.

SIR.

GOOD WORK, ACE.
I NEVER HEARD A SOUND.

COME ON. WE'LL GO CHECK
ON THE OTHER GUARD,

AND THE BOYS CAN GO
TO WORK ON THAT PAINTING.

WELL, COME ON, ACE.
TIME'S A-WASTIN'.

- NO.
- WHAT'S GOT INTO YOU, ACE?

I'VE HAD ENOUGH!
AND ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

ACE?

EVERYBODY STAY WHERE YOU ARE!
[ Florian ]
HE'S FLIPPED!

- I GOT A HEAT!
- HE'S FLIPPED, OR IT'S
A LOUSY DOUBLE CROSS!

EVERYBODY GET
IN THAT KITCHEN.
YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY!

MOVE, OR I'LL LET YA
HAVE IT!

I SAID MOVE!

GET HIM!

HOLD IT! FLORIAN, FINGERS,
GET ON THE PAINTING.

SPLIT UP!

AND LOOK OUT
FOR THE OTHER GUARD.

YOU TAKE
THIS SIDE HERE.

OKAY.

BOBBY?
YEAH. WHAT?

DID YA HEAR SOMETHIN'?
I DON'T KNOW, HEY.

- SEE ANYTHING, BOBBY?
- YEAH. STATUES
ALL OVER THE PLACE.

IT GIVES ME
THE CREEPS, HEY.

WHAT'S THAT?

- COWBOY, HE'S OVER HERE!
- WHERE! WHERE!

THIS WAY!

WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

[ Grunts ]
HELP!

HELP! BOBBY!

HERE! HERE!
WHAT ARE YA DOIN'
IN THERE?

I DON'T KNOW!
GET ME OUTTA HERE!

BOBBY! OHH!

OH, BOY! SAVED!
YOU GOTTA HELP ME!

THEY'RE AFTER ME,
AND THEY'RE GONNA KILL ME!

YOU GOTTA GET HELP!
[ Grunts ]

WHAT'D I DO? WHAT?

EVERYTHING I TOUCH,
I KILL.

I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE
SOMEWHERE.

I'M GONNA FIND YA,
KILLER-MAN.

AH... AH-CHOO!

HERE'S THE BIG KILLER-MAN,
EXCEPT YOU'RE NOT
THE BIG KILLER-MAN, ARE YA?

HOLD IT.

- THIS ARROW'S TIPPED
WITH A DEADLY POISON.
- YOU'RE A FUNNY MAN.

YOU WON'T THINK IT'S SO FUNNY
WHEN I LET GO OF IT.

THE REAL ACE WILLIAMS IS
IN THE CELLAR AT JOE'S PLACE.

YEAH. I'M THE GUY
THAT PUT HIM THERE.

[ Laughing ]
THINK ABOUT THAT
FOR A WHILE!

DON'T COME ANOTHER STEP.

I'M WARNIN' YA!

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

THERE HE GOES, FRANK!
AFTER HIM!

[ Bobby ]
OH, THEY GOTTA BE
KIDDIN', HEY.

ALL RIGHT. SPREAD OUT.

[ Screams ]

- IS THAT YOU, COWBOY?
- [ Bobby ]
WHAT HAPPENED?

I JUST FELL OVER A HOT DOG.

[ Chuckling ]

[ Laughing ]

YEAH.

SORRY, PAL. HEY.

HEY!

[ Strobe Snaps ]
HEY! OOH!

[ Bell Rings ]

HEY.

HEY.

[ Laughing ]
[ Crash ]

♪♪ [ Carousel Music ]

- COME ON! GET HIM!
- [ Bobby ]
JUST HOLD STILL A SECOND!

I'M COMIN'!

[ Frank ]
SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET HURT!

[ Cowboy ]
GET A HOLD OF HIM, BOBBY!

[ Frank ]
HEY, BOBBY,
HOLD ONTO HIM!

DOGGONE YOU, ACE!
I GET A HOLD OF YOU, I...

[ Jack ]
GET AWAY FROM ME!

I'M GONNA GET YA,
KILLER-MAN!

[ Grunts ]
HELP, HEY! HELP!

WHA... I'M GETTIN' DIZZY!

- [ Frank ]
THERE'S NO WAY OUT NOW!
- OOH!

I GOT HIM! I GOT HIM!

[ Grunts ]
YOU LOST HIM, BOBBY!

COWBOY, GRAB HIM!

[ Cowboy ]
DOGGONE YOU, ACE!
I CAN'T GET HOLD OF HIM!

- I-I CAN'T STAND HEIGHTS!
- [ Cowboy ]
I'M GONNA GET YOU!

COME ON, FRANK!

[ Cowboy ]
OUCH! HEY, CUT THAT OUT!

I GET A HOLD OF YOU,
I'M GONNA SQUASH YOU, ACE!

- [ Frank ]
GET HIM, BOBBY!
- I LOST HIM, HEY!

[ Frank ]
BOBBY, HOLD ONTO HIM!

[ Cowboy ]
I'M GONNA GET YOU...

NEXT TIME AROUND, ACE!

DOGGONE IT! HOLD STILL!

- [ Frank ]
YOU MIGHT GET HURT!
- GRAB HIM!

TAKE A HOLD OF HIM,
BOY!

GET HIM OUTTA... HEY!
HEY! HEY, YOU!
[ Alarm Ringing ]

- [ Cowboy ] HEY, YOU'RE
GETTIN' US ALL WET!
- [ Shouts ]

HEY, LOOK OUT!
[ Shouting ]

[ Alarm Continues ]

OH. EXCUSE ME.

[ Alarm Continues ]

- [ Exhales ]
- THERE HE IS!
ALL RIGHT, ACE!

STOP CALLIN' ME ACE WILLIAMS!
MY NAME'S JACK ALBANY!

HE'S FLIPPED HIS WIG!
HE'S CRAZY!

WELL, LET'S GET HIM!

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS, THAT'S IT.
GET YOUR HANDS UP.

[ Garage Door Opens ]

HOW'D IT GO, ACE?
OH, JUST GREAT.

WELL, OPEN UP
AND LET ME SEE.
AH, THERE'S ONE THING.

WELL, WE BROUGHT YOU A PICTURE,
BUT NOT THE ONE YOU ORDERED.
WHAT?

ME AND THE BOYS THOUGHT
THERE WAS SOME BETTER STUFF.

YOU AND THE BOYS?
YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU,
SUDDENLY ART CRITICS?

WE FIGURED IF YOU SAW THIS,
YOU'D PICK IT EVEN
OVER "SUNFLOWERS."

IT'S CALLED POP ART.

I SEND YOU TO GET
THE "FIELD OF SUNFLOWERS,"
AND YOU BRING ME THIS JUNK.

WHY, THAT AIN'T
LIKE YOU, JOE.
NARROW-MINDED ABOUT ART?

- I'LL KILL YOU!
- DON'T MAKE A MOVE!

WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?
WHO ARE YOU?

WHAT'S THIS TRUCK DOING
IN MY WAREHOUSE?

YOU KNOW,
THIS IS AN INVASION
OF PRIVACY, OFFICER.

I'VE GOT
CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS.

- C'EST LA GUERRE, JOE.
- [ Sirens Wailing ]

OKAY, LET'S CLEAN
THIS PLACE OUT.

JACK! HEY!

YOU'RE...
I'M CHIEF GRAYSON,
MR. ALBANY.

I WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU
ON A JOB WELL DONE.
THANK YOU.

IF YOU KEEP SHAKIN' HANDS,
I'LL GET A PICTURE.

AH, YES, SIR.
MIGHTY FINE PERFORMANCE.

HEH. EXCUSE ME.

I HAVE TO CALL MY AGENT.

WHAT?
AND GET A PUBLICIST!

DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS
COULD DO TO MY CAREER?

I'LL SELL THE STORY TO HOLLYWOOD
AND STAR IN IT MYSELF!

WHERE'S THE PHONE?

WELL, AREN'T YOU COMIN'?
I NEED YA.

YOU SURE DO.
[ Chuckling ]