Original subtitles

[ Siren Wailing ]

[ Siren Continues ]

[ Sirens Wailing ]

[ Gunshots ]

SPREAD OUT AND TAKE COVER!

[ Gunshots Continue ]

[ Glass Shatters ]

[ Gunshots Continue ]

THIS IS CAPTAIN JACOBY SPEAKING.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE YOURSELVES UP.

WE'VE GOT YOU SURROUNDED.

[ Gunshot ] [ Gunshots ]

[ Gunshot ] [ Gunshots ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Jacoby ] I'LL GIVE YOU 30 SECONDS TO COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP.

[ Jacoby ] COOPERATE AND YOU WON'T GET HURT.

TONY! TONY! AW, GET AWAY FROM ME!

[ Jacoby ] FIFTEEN SECONDS.

I'M COMIN' OUT!

WHAT'S THE MATTER, PUNK? YA TURN YELLOW? I AIN'T DYIN' ON YOUR ORDERS!

NO? [ Woman Screaming ]

YOU DIRTY, ROTTEN... [ Gunshot ]

[ Woman Screaming ]

JACOBY!

LISTEN TO ME, JACOBY! THIS IS ME, TONY PRESTON!

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU! YOU AIN'T TAKIN' ME IN!

I LIVE BIG!

YOU AIN'T GONNA TAKE ME TO ANY CRUMMY CELL,

WEAR A GRAY SUIT WITH NUMBERS ON IT!

I LIVE BIG!

I'M GONNA WEAR SILK SHIRTS WITH MONOGRAMS ON 'EM.

HERE'S HOW I'LL COOPERATE WITH YOU! [ Gunshot ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Screaming ] TONY!

[ Sobs ]

YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED.

[ Whispering ] BECAUSE YOU'RE A LOUSY, ROTTEN ACTOR, THAT'S WHY.

[ Man ] THAT'S A WRAP!

[ "Tony" ] ABOUT TIME. [ Grunts ]

[ Grunts, Whistles ]

[ Man ] VERY NICE. VERY NICE.

HEY, PROPS, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT MATTRESS? IN AN ARMY SURPLUS STORE?

AW, STARS AND DIRECTORS AREN'T ENOUGH;

I GOTTA HAVE TROUBLE WITH BIT PLAYERS.

A BIT PLAYER IS LIKE ANY OTHER MAN. IF YOU PRICK US, DO WE NOT BLEED?

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU SAW MY PHOENIX THEATER PRODUCTION OF TWELFTH NIGHT.

WHAT CHANNEL WAS IT ON? HEY, PROPS.

DID I EVER TELL YOU WHAT WALTER KERR SAID ABOUT MY PERFORMANCE IN TWELFTH NIGHT?

- NOT FOR THE LAST TEN MINUTES. - WELL, I DESERVE A THICK MATTRESS ANYWAY.

THEY SAY THEY'RE GONNA POSTPONE THIS SHOW 'TIL NEXT FALL.

NEXT FALL? WHO SAYS? I HEARD A VERY HIGH-LEVEL CONVERSATION.

THEY DECIDED IT WAS SUCH A TURKEY, THEY'RE GONNA DEEP-FREEZE THE TAPE...

AND SAVE IT 'TIL THANKSGIVING. AW, JACK.

THINK OF ALL THE NEEDY FAMILIES IT'LL FEED.

- JUST WHAT WE NEED: COMEDY RELIEF. - YEAH. SOMEBODY SEND SOME IN.

I WRITE MY OWN COMEDY MATERIAL TOO.

IF YOU'RE SUCH A FUNNY GUY, HOW COME YOU'RE ALWAYS DOIN' HEAVIES?

OFFBEAT CASTING.

FUNNY.

HEY, COFFEE AND GROUP THERAPY AT WALGREEN'S?

I CAN'T TONIGHT, LENNY. I GOT A SOAP TOMORROW.

I HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED AT THE SCRIPT YET. MAYBE IT'S BETTER THAT WAY.

I AM A SERIOUS ACTOR. BETTER YOU SHOULD BE A STAR.

YEAH, BETTER.

IT'S A GREAT HONOR TO ACCEPT THIS WELL-EARNED ACTING AWARD,

AND I SHOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL THE LITTLE PEOPLE... I NEED THAT.

ROTTEN LITTLE PEOPLE.

I WON'T LET YOU DO IT, MARSHA.

I WON'T LET YOU RUIN YOUR LIFE.

[ High-Pitched Voice ] OH, LEAVE ME ALONE!

YOUR PLACE IS HERE, MARSHA, IN MIDDLEVALE,

WHERE PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU.

WHERE... WHERE...

WHERE LOVE IS REAL, NOT A GAME.

[ Chuckles ] NO WONDER I COULDN'T REMEMBER THAT.

WHERE LOVE IS REAL, NOT A GAME.

[ High-Pitched Voice ] I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

I'M TELLIN' YOU THE WHOLE THING, THE WHOLE UGLY THING.

[ Footsteps ]

BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH, MARSHA. I KNOW WHO YOUR FATHER REALLY IS.

[ Footsteps ]

[ Footsteps ]

[ Footsteps ]

[ Running Footsteps ]

YOU'RE LATE.

I WAS BEGINNIN' TO WORRY.

OH, LOOK, I'M SORRY FOR BARGIN' IN HERE, BUT, UH, SOMEBODY WAS FOLLOWING ME.

FOLLOWING YOU?

WHO?

WHY, I DON'T KNOW. AH, JUST A MINUTE.

[ Footsteps ]

HE'S COMIN' BACK.

LOUSY FUZZ.

I WISH HE'D COME IN HERE. I'D LIKE TO MAKE HIM DEAD.

- YOU KNOW WHO HE IS? - YEAH. EDDIE SHANNON FROM THE 11th PRECINCT.

- YOU MEAN, IT'S A COP? - OH, COME ON. QUIT YOUR JOKIN', ACE.

W-WELL, WHAT'S... WHAT'S HE FOLLOWIN' ME FOR?

MAYBE THEY GOT A TIP SOMETHING'S UP.

YOU KNOW, JOE OWNS THIS BUILDING, AND THEY KEEP A LOOKOUT.

- JOE? - LET'S GET OUTTA HERE, ACE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS. WHAT?

YOU'RE GONNA BE A LITTLE UPSET. HOW FAR WERE YOU FOLLOWED?

I DON'T KNOW. I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA GET MUGGED.

YOU REALLY LIKE TO MAKE JOKES, DON'T YA, ACE? HUH?

HE, UH, DIDN'T PICK YOU UP AT THE AIRPORT? THE AIRPORT? NO.

IF HE GOT ON YOU IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, THAT'S OKAY. THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.

HE DON'T KNOW YOU BY SIGHT? THAT'S POSSIBLE. WHAT I'M TRYIN' TO TELL YA...

ACE WILLIAMS GETTIN' MUGGED, HUH? THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

[ Chuckles ] SAY, MAYBE THAT COP RECOGNIZED YOU.

I BETTER GO MAKE HIM DEAD. YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.

IT'S NO TROUBLE. THIS WHOLE THING IS SOME KIND OF A CRAZY MIX-UP.

MY NAME ISN'T ACE WILLIAMS. I'M JACK ALBANY, AN ACTOR.

I'M A PAID-UP MEMBER OF SAG, AFTRA...

OH, COME ON, ACE. WE AIN'T GOT TIME.

NO, REALLY. I JUST CAME FROM TAPIN' A TV SHOW.

IT'S A BOMB. IT'S, UH, "KISS FOR THE KILLER."

IT'LL BE ON APRIL 2, BUT, AW, FORGET IT.

I'M DOIN' A SOAP OPERA TOMORROW. I'VE GOT A SCRIPT.

I MUST'VE LOST IT. WELL, THAT DOESN'T MATTER.

THE POINT IS, YOU THINK I'M SOMEBODY NAMED ACE WILLIAMS.

WHAT'D YA SAY YOUR NAME WAS? ALBANY. JACK ALBANY.

LOOK, PUNK, DIDN'T YOU EVER HEAR OF A COVER?

I HEARD. WELL, THAT'S MY COVER: JACK ALBANY, CRUMMY ACTOR.

SURE. WELL, LET'S GO. LIKE YOU SAID, JOE'S WAITIN'.

RIGHT THIS WAY.

LOOK, PUNK, IT SO HAPPENS I DON'T LIKE SOMEBODY HOLDIN' A STICKER ON ME.

NOW, I GOT A HEAT. I'M ON THE VERGE OF MAKING YOU VERY DEAD.

SO I PUT IT AWAY.

LOOK, ACE, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I MEAN, ALL THAT CRAZY TALK.

I CAN'T TAKE NO CHANCES. IF IT TURNS OUT THAT YOU WASN'T ACE...

UH, OLD MACHINE-GUN WOUND.

WELL, THIS IS IT. I, UH, WOULD'VE KNOWN IT ANYWHERE.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

[ Ignition Starts ]

COME ON, ACE. HURRY UP. WE'RE LATE.

♪♪ [ Radio: Loud Rock ]

[ Mouthing Words ]

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, PUNK?

- FLORIAN. - FLORIAN?

WHY'D THEY CALL A TOUGH KID LIKE YOU A SISSY NAME LIKE FLORIAN?

IT'S A TOUGH NAME.

[ Sniffs ]

I'M OUTTA WEEDS, PUNK. STOP SOMEWHERE.

NOT MY BRAND.

DON'T WE PASS THROUGH A TOWN HERE OR SOMETHING? NO.

I'D HAVE TO GET OFF THE PARKWAY, LOSE TEN MINUTES.

SO DO IT.

JOE'S GONNA BE PRETTY MAD AS IT IS.

I GET NERVOUS WHEN I DON'T HAVE A WEED.

YOU SAVE THE COUPONS?

HOW DO YOU THINK I GOT MY KNIFE?

YEAH, THAT'S REALLY SOMETHIN'.

ACE WILLIAMS GETTIN' MUGGED.

WAIT 'TIL JOE HEARS ABOUT THAT ONE.

[ Both Chuckling ]

HEY, SAM. THIS IS ACE WILLIAMS. JOE'S WAITIN' FOR US.

AH, WELCOME, ACE.

[ Doorbell Rings ]

HI, FRANCIS. ACE WILLIAMS.

FRANCIS. PLEASURE.

YEAH. I'LL TAKE YOUR COAT.

OH, THE BOSS IS ANXIOUS TO MEET YOU. I'M ANXIOUS TO MEET HIM.

HE IS VERY PERTURBED AT YOU ON ACCOUNT OF YOU'RE SO LATE.

YEAH, I FIGURED. WHERE IS HE? HE'S IN THE LIBRARY.

HE'S WAITIN' FOR YOU NOW. HE SAYS FOR YOU TO GO RIGHT IN.

SEE YA, ACE. YOUR HAT, PLEASE. THANK YOU.

HEY, YOU KNOW, FRANCIS USED TO BE JOE'S PERSONAL BODYGUARD,

ONLY HE GOT ONE TOO MANY RAPS ON THE HEAD.

BUT JOE STILL KEEPS HIM AROUND FOR SENTIMENTAL REASONS.

JOE'S A PRINCE. HE IS?

I MEAN... SURE, HE IS.

SEE, I DON'T KNOW JOE REALLY TOO WELL.

I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM. WELL, YOU NEVER DID.

JOE TOLD ME THAT YOU TWO NEVER MET BEFORE.

WELL, LIKE I SAY, I NEVER MET HIM, BUT I KNOW HIM BY REPUTATION.

WHO DOESN'T? OH, SURE. SURE.

AND EVERYBODY SAYS THE SAME: JOE'S A PRINCE.

SO THIS IS THE BIG KILLER-MAN FROM FRISCO.

YEAH. FRANK BOLEY, THIS IS ACE WILLIAMS.

YOU DON'T LOOK SO DANGEROUS TO ME.

SOME OF YOUR BOYS HERE IN THE EAST...

A LITTLE SHORT ON MANNERS, PUNK?

MAYBE YOUR FRIEND WOULD LIKE TO TEACH ME SOME.

ASK HIM WHEN HE WANTS ME TO TEAR HIM APART.

BEFORE I MEET THE BOSS OR AFTER?

TELL HIM IT'S NO DIFFERENCE TO ME. LOOK. AFTER, HUH?

WE'RE LATE, AND JOE'S SORE.

FOR THE SAKE OF THE PUNK, I'LL DEFER THE PLEASURE.

LIKEWISE.

[ Man ] WHO'S THERE? FLORIAN.

I GOT ACE WILLIAMS. ENTREZ.

HOW'S THAT?

- WEAK. AGH! - HMM?

YOU'RE STILL TOO INHIBITED. LOOK AT ALL THOSE TINY LITTLE LINES. IT'S NOT GOOD.

OH. LET'S TRY A LITTLE ACTION PAINTING.

AND LOOSEN UP A BIT, FREE YOURSELF.

UH, LOOK, UH, CAN WE TAKE FIVE? I'VE GOT BUSINESS.

ALL RIGHT, BUT THAT'S PART OF YOUR PROBLEM, YOU KNOW? DIVIDED ATTENTION.

WELL, I CAN'T HELP IT, YOU KNOW. I'M A BUSY MAN.

HI, SWEETHEART.

I KNOW YOU. I DON'T KNOW. WERE YOU IN THE ARMY? I WAS IN THE 65th ARTILLERY.

I HAVE A VERY GOOD MEMORY FOR FACES.

YA EVER WORK OUT AT THE OLD STILLWELL'S GYM? I'LL REMEMBER.

OH. WHAT... NO. NO.

[ Chuckling ]

ACE. YOU KNOW MY TEACHER? JOE.

- NO, I NEVER SAW HER BEFORE. - YOU SURE?

WELL, YE... I'D REMEMBER THAT ONE. [ Chuckling ]

- WELL, I'M GLAD YOU COULD JOIN US, ACE. - MY PLEASURE.

[ Chuckling ]

YOU'RE LATE!

HOW'S OLD PEPPY? WELL... [ Clears Throat ]

YOU KNOW OLD PEPPY. HE GAVE YOU A VERY HIGH RECOMMENDATION, YOU KNOW.

WHEN I CALLED HIM AND TOLD HIM I NEEDED A FIRST-CLASS BOY WHO COULD KILL QUIETLY,

HE SAID, "JOE, THEY DON'T COME ANY QUIETER THAN ACE WILLIAMS."

WELL, PEPPY'S... PEPPY'S TOO KIND.

I'LL ADMIT WHEN I KILL SOMEBODY,

EVEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. [ Chuckles ]

WIPE YOUR FACE.

I HEARD ABOUT THAT, UH, BIG RUN-IN, UH,

YOU HAD WITH THE TREASURY BOYS. [ Coughs ] YEAH, YEAH. I HEARD THAT.

- BUT YOU WERE THERE. - WELL, I HEARD YOU HEARD.

YOU ALL RIGHT NOW?

OH, FINE, YEAH. LIMP A LITTLE IN THE LEG, YOU KNOW.

OH. I THOUGHT HE GOT YOU IN THE SHOULDER.

W-WELL, HE DID, YES. IT HIT A NERVE, AFFECTED MY LEG.

I STILL LIMP ON IT. OH, UH, FLORIAN, UH...

YOU GOT ACE'S LUGGAGE INSIDE? UH, NO, HE DIDN'T HAVE NO LUGGAGE.

WHAT, ALL THE WAY FROM THE COAST AND NO LUGGAGE?

I-I LEFT IT AT THE WAREHOUSE, JOE.

WELL, THERE WAS A COP PROWLIN' AROUND OUTSIDE.

THE PUNK HERE GETS NERVOUS. HE PULLED A SHIV ON ME.

IN THE CONFUSION, I LEFT MY SUITCASE.

YOU PULLED A KNIFE ON ACE WILLIAMS?

HE WAS TALKIN' KIND OF CRAZY. SAID HE WAS AN ACTOR. I DIDN'T KNOW.

COME HERE. YOU KNOW, HE COULD'VE MADE YA DEAD IN ONE SECOND.

YOU KNOW, YOU'D BE SO SURPRISED, YOU'D FORGET TO LAY DOWN.

STOP THAT BLEEDING, WILL YA? IT'S STUPID. UH, JOE,

LOOK, IT'S ALL RIGHT ABOUT THE SUITCASE.

IT WAS JUST A COUPLE OF SHIRTS, STUFF LIKE THAT. ALL NEW.

NO LAUNDRY MARKS, NO IDENTIFICATION.

REMEMBER THAT, PUNK, FOR THE FUTURE. [ Joe ] COME ON, CLEAR OUT.

OH, AND TELL MISS INWOOD TO COME BACK.

YOU KNOW, I, UH, LOVE THAT BOY LIKE HE WAS MY OWN SON.

HOW MUCH DID PEPPY TELL YOU?

WELL, NOT, UH, MUCH. WELL, HE DON'T KNOW MUCH.

IT'S A BIG ONE, ACE. REAL BIG.

OH, I'LL TELL YOU THE WHOLE STORY AFTER MY LESSON. CAN'T WAIT.

YOU'LL FIND THE REST OF MY ASSOCIATES IN THE GRAND SALON.

GO AHEAD AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF. OH, THANKS, JOE.

IF IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU, JOE, I THINK I'LL JUST STAY IN HERE.

I'M KIND OF HOT FOR ART, MYSELF.

IT ISN'T OFTEN I GET TO SEE A REAL TALENT AT WORK.

WELL, IN A WAY, YOU'RE AN ARTIST YOURSELF. NOW, ACTION PAINTING.

MM-HMM. DON'T WORRY ABOUT FORM AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT COMPOSITION.

MM-HMM. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WELL, I'M JUST THINKING. HOW DO YOU START... DON'T THINK. ACT.

THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT. MM-HMM.

NOW GO. GOOD! HERE, TAKE A BIGGER BRUSH. YEAH. YEAH.

NOW FILL THE CANVAS.

FILL THE CANVAS. YEAH. YES, THAT'S IT. USE THE CANVAS.

[ Phone Ringing ] HOW'S THAT? HMM?

YEAH.

UH, YOU WANT ME TO GET THAT FOR YOU, BOSS?

UH, NO, THANKS. UH, IT'LL BE FOR ME.

HERE, YOU CAN HAVE 'EM. [ Ringing Continues ]

SEE WHAT I MEAN? DIVIDED ATTENTION.

YOU, UH, BELONG TO JOE'S ORGANIZATION, SWEETHEART?

SURE THING. I HEAD UP THE MOB'S FINE ARTS DIVISION.

YOU'RE PUTTIN' ME ON. AM I?

WELL, I JUST WANNA KNOW HOW COZY YOU ARE WITH JOE.

I MEAN, I LIKE YOUR STYLE, BUT THEN AFTER ALL, HE'S THE BOSS.

BEFORE YOU GO ANY FURTHER, HOT STUFF, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING...

OUT OF PURE GENEROSITY.

I HAVE BEEN LIVING ALONE IN NEW YORK CITY FOR FOUR YEARS.

I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. WELL, I LIKE A GIRL WITH SPIRIT.

FOR THE RECORD, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MR. SMOOTH...

IS STRICTLY TEACHER-PUPIL.

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU IS NOTHING.

THAT WAS PEPPY.

HE WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU GOT HERE ALL RIGHT.

ANYBODY WITH TWO EYES CAN SEE THAT.

HE, UH, WARNED ME TO KEEP YOU AWAY FROM BOOZE AND BROADS.

HE SAID BOOZE AND BROADS PUT YOU OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

[ Miss Inwood ] SHALL WE CONTINUE? ALL RIGHT.

[ Mouthing Words ]

LET ME SEE. WHAT DO WE DO HERE?

WHY, THAT'S BETTER. THAT'S COMING ALONG VERY NICELY.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT IN THE LEFT-HAND CORNER?

USE THE CANVAS, NOW. COME ON. HOW ABOUT THAT?

ROUND STROKES. ROUND STROKES. YEAH, YEAH. LET ME GET A LITTLE RED IN THERE.

BROAD STROKES. BROAD STROKES.

HUH? PUT A LITTLE MORE IN HERE. THAT'S RIGHT.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY ROUND STROKES, NOT ALL THE STACCATO THINGS.

UP, CLEAR UP. USE THE WHOLE CANVAS. HMM?

AH, LOVELY. YEAH.

[ Dialing ]

[ Man ] HEY, WHAT'S GOIN' ON? WHO IS THAT?

THIS IS ACE WILLIAMS. I-I DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD A SWITCHBOARD.

YEAH, WE GOT A SWITCHBOARD OPERATOR, AND I'M IT.

AND I DON'T LIKE SOMEBODY DIALIN' IN MY EAR.

WELL, YOU HAVE A LOVELY VOICE. ARE YOU BUSY LATER? WHY, YOU DIRTY, NO-GOOD...

[ Hangs Up Phone ]

THAT'S IT. THAT'S... LOVE IT. YEAH.

LOVE IT. LOVE IT. YES.

CARESS IT. NOW HATE IT. OH, HATE IT, HATE IT.

HATE IT. VIOLENCE. GET IT OUT. YES, THAT'S GOOD. I HATE THAT!

HATE YA! HATE YA! HATE YA! [ Growling ]

GET OUT YOUR HOSTILITIES! YEAH, THAT'S IT.

THAT'S GOOD. HERE. HERE, USE THIS PAINT. RIGHT OUT OF THE TUBE.

THE RAW PAINT. EMOTIONAL. [ Growls ] EMOTIONAL. THAT'S IT.

GOOD. GOOD. NOW, NOW, NOW. HOW ABOUT THAT?

BEAUTIFUL. NOW, MORE ACTION. MORE ACTION.

THERE. NOW. LIKE THAT. MORE PAINT.

HUH? MORE PAINT? IT'S BEAUTIFUL. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

AAH! IT'S A HAPPENING.

AAH!

HAPPENING. BRAVO. BRAVO.

[ Miss Inwood ] I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH FOR TONIGHT, MR. SMOOTH.

YOU MADE SOME REAL PROGRESS.

YOU KNOW, I USED TO PAINT THINGS YOU COULD RECOGNIZE...

YOU KNOW... FLOWERS, TREES, WATERFALLS.

NOW I DO THIS KIND OF STUFF, AND SHE SWEARS IT'S PROGRESS.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH, MR. SMOOTH.

WELL, SOMEDAY WE'RE GOING BACK TO FLOWERS AND TREES.

AND THEY'LL BE YOUR FLOWERS AND TREES.

OH, TELL FLORIAN MISS INWOOD IS READY TO GO.

CAN I, UH, SEE YOU TO THE DOOR, SWEETHEART?

GOOD NIGHT, MR. SMOOTH. GOOD NIGHT.

[ Chuckling ] YEAH. GUESS I'M NOT HER TYPE. HMM.

[ Door Closes ] YOU KNOW, UH,

A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD BE SURPRISED TO FIND SOMEBODY LIKE ME INTERESTED IN ART.

YOU KNOW, THEY GOT OLD-FASHIONED IDEAS ABOUT PEOPLE IN OUR PROFESSION.

I'VE BEEN ALL OVER EUROPE... TWICE.

I STOPPED AT THE BEST HOTELS. I ATE THE BEST FOOD.

I BOUGHT ART BY THE CARLOAD.

OH, I KNOW GOOD THINGS.

OH, I WAS, UH, PRETTY TOUGH WHEN I WAS A KID...

JUST STARTING OUT IN CHICAGO.

BUT, YOU KNOW, THOSE WERE TOUGH TIMES.

I'VE CHANGED AS TIMES HAVE CHANGED.

NOW, WATCH OUT! I'LL RAP YOUR KNUCKLES.

NO BOOZE. OH, IT'S JUST ONE LITTLE DRINK.

PEPPY SAYS ONE DRINK IS ALL IT TAKES. YOU'RE LIKE A MANIAC.

NO BOOZE. AND, UH, NO...

BROADS. BROADS. THAT'S IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I AM NOW, ACE?

AN EXECUTIVE.

YEAH, YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE ANY OTHER EXECUTIVE.

I SIT BEHIND A DESK, SIGN PAPERS, GIVE ORDERS.

AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.

IT'S BORING.

OH, I'M NOT KNOCKING THE SYNDICATE AFTER ALL IT'S DONE FOR ME, BUT, UH,

THERE'S NO EXCITEMENT ANYMORE.

THERE'S NO ROMANCE.

THAT'S WHY I PLANNED A VERY SPECIAL TRICK...

FOR ADVENTURE, FOR ROMANCE.

ANOTHER REASON FOR THAT TRICK: I WANNA BE REMEMBERED.

WELL, AS IF YOU WOULDN'T BE.

OH, YES, IN SOME CIRCLES, BUT...

DILLINGER, CAPONE, BUGS MORAN...

THOSE ARE NAMES THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS.

THEY LIVE ON THROUGH THE DEEDS ASSOCIATED WITH THEM.

WELL, I WANT TO DO SOMETHING THAT'LL MAKE A PLACE IN HISTORY FOR MY NAME.

POSTERITY DOESN'T HONOR EXECUTIVES. [ Intercom Buzzes ]

HELLO? [ Operator ] LITTLE TONY'S ON THE PHONE.

I'LL TALK TO HIM IN A MINUTE. GO RIGHT AHEAD, ACE.

GO RIGHT AHEAD? IN THE GRAND SALON. I'LL JOIN YOU,

TOUT DE SUITE. TOUT DE SUITE.

ALL RIGHT, PUT HIM ON. [ Door Closes ]

FRANCIS, WOULD YOU PLEASE FIND FLORIAN AND TELL HIM I'M TIRED OF WAITING?

YES, MA'AM. THANK YOU.

HI, ACE.

MISS INWOOD. YOU AGAIN.

LOOK, I AM NOT WHO YOU THINK I AM. NO?

I'LL HELP YOU WITH YOUR COAT.

HEY! I'M A RESPECTABLE CITIZEN. I'M MASQUERADING.

WELL, YOU JUST GIVE ME BACK MY COAT!

I'M NOT A HOOD. I'M AN ARTIST, AN INTELLECTUAL. HUH?

"LOVE IS NOT LOVE WHICH ALTERS WHEN IT ALTERATIONS FINDS." THAT'S SHAKESPEARE.

ONE OF THE SONNETS, I FORGET THE NUMBER. MATISSE. PICASSO. ANDY WARHOL.

ARE YOU INSANE, OR DO YOU TAKE SOMETHING?

I NEED HELP. YOU SURE DO.

- HE BOTHERING YOU, LADY? - YOU SEND ME, BABY. [ Grunts ]

- NOT MUCH. - WOW.

HI, I'M READY. I DIDN'T HAVE ANY... DINNER.

LET'S GO, PLEASE. IT'S GETTING VERY LATE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, KILLER-MAN? YA NEED SOME HELP?

WHAT HAPPENED? HE GOT FRESH WITH THE ARTIST, AND SHE TOOK CARE OF HIM.

- I SHOULDA KILLED HER. - FRANCIS.

WELL, I'M GLAD YOU CONTROLLED YOURSELF.

I'M PAID UP FOR THREE MORE LESSONS.

PEPPY WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU AND BROADS.

YEAH. COME ON.

MOVE, DUMB-DUMB! WHAT ARE YA STANDIN' THERE?

[ Gunshots, Sirens On TV ] THEY'RE MOVIN' IN BEHIND YOUSE!

BLOW! MAKE A RUN FOR IT! THE LOUSY COPS!

[ Gunshots, Sirens Continue ] THEY ALWAYS GET THERE AT THE WRONG TIME!

HERE COMES THAT BIG-HERO LIEUTENANT AGAIN.

[ Man ] LET HIM HAVE IT! YEAH, LET HIM HA...

HEY! POW! POW, POW, POW!

POW, POW! TAKE THAT, YA DIRTY FUZZ!

[ Joe ] MELANIE, CUT IT OFF!

- HI. - [ Melanie ] JOE, IT'S JUST GOTTEN TO THE GOOD PART!

OH! POW! [ Imitates Machine Gun Firing ]

[ Imitates Explosions ] POW! POW! POW! POW!

HERE, NOW, TAKE IT EASY, ACE. OFF, MELANIE!

WELL, I... GET CARRIED AWAY WITH THOSE CRIME SHOWS.

YOU'RE VERY HIGH-STRUNG. YOU CERTAINLY ARE.

MELANIE, FIND SOMETHING TO DO UPSTAIRS. AW, JOE!

GO ON! MAKE YOURSELF SCARCE! BEAT IT!

ALL RIGHT, MEN.

I'M SURE THAT YOU'VE ALL HEARD OF ACE WILLIAMS.

NOW MEET HIM.

ACE,

THIS IS RINZY TOBRESKI.

MEET YA. LIKEWISE.

RINZY WAS MY WHEELMAN IN THE METROPOLITAN BANK JOB BACK IN 1935.

THAT WAS THE JOB THAT PUT ME IN THE BIG TIME.

JOE'S NEVER HAD ANYBODY ELSE BEHIND THE WHEEL SINCE THEN. RIGHT, JOE?

[ Chuckling ] AND OVER HERE, THIS IS BOBBY MACOON.

YEAH, WE TALKED ON THE PHONE.

- OH, WERE YOU THE ONE? - YEAH.

WHAT'S THIS THING ABOUT?

OH, I, UH, PLAYED A LITTLE JOKE ON BOBBY. RIGHT, BOBBY?

[ Grunts ] YOU KNOW, BOBBY USED TO BE A FIGHTER.

- PRETTY GOOD TOO. - EIGHT YEARS IN THE RING, HEY.

NOW HE'S MY COMMUNICATIONS EXPERT.

OH. STILL LISTENIN' FOR THE BELL, HUH, BOBBY?

- [ Joe, Jack Chuckling ] - ON YOUR HORSE! THAT A BOY.

[ Chuckling ] THIS IS COWBOY SCHAEFFER.

I'M PROUD TO KNOW YA, ACE. HOWDY, COWBOY.

I BROUGHT COWBOY IN FROM VEGAS.

FASTEST TOMMY GUN IN THE WEST.

AW, SHUCKS, JOE.

AND THIS LOUDMOUTH,

THIS IS FINGERS FELTON.

FELTON AND I GO BACK A LONG WAY, EH?

[ Chuckles ]

AND OVER HERE, THIS IS FRANK BOLEY.

BOLEY'S UPCOMING IN YOUR FIELD.

FRANK.

I WANT YOU TO COME OVER HERE AND SHAKE HANDS WITH ACE.

I'D SOONER KILL 'IM.

DON'T LET ME TELL YA MORE THAN ONCE.

I GOT A PARLOR TRICK.

IN ONE SECOND I MAKE HIM DEAD AND CATCH HIM BEFORE HE HITS THE FLOOR.

UH, WHEN THE TIME COMES, I'LL MAKE HIM DEAD MYSELF.

FRANK, I WANT YOU TO SHAKE HANDS WITH ACE WILLIAMS.

AND FROM NOW ON, I WANT YOU TO TREAT HIM LIKE A BROTHER.

LAST YEAR I WORKED MY BROTHER OVER SO BAD... NOW, FRANK!

THAT'S BETTER.

I'M NOT HAVING ANY INTERNAL CONFLICTS.

BESIDES, YOU OUGHT TO SHOW SOME RESPECT, FRANK.

YOU KNOW, WHEN ACE WILLIAMS KILLS SOMEBODY, HE STAYS KILLED.

SO HE GOT SLOPPY. NOW, NOW, DON'T RUB IT IN TOO HARD, WILL YA?

HE FEELS REAL BAD ABOUT IT. OH, ALL RIGHT, GENTS. LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

FIND PLACES ON THE COUCH. RINZY, SET UP THE SCREEN.

YES. THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITIN' FOR.

BACK IN BUSINESS. BEEN A LONG TIME, JOE.

I FIGURE IT'S GOTTA BE THE U.S. MINT, OR JOE WOULDN'T BOTHER.

MAYBE BIGGER. WAIT'LL YA HEAR. WAIT'LL YA HEAR.

NOW, GENTLEMEN,

YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE I PICKED YOU, BECAUSE I WANTED THE BEST.

FIRST-CLASS FOR A FIRST-CLASS JOB.

EVERYTHING I'VE DONE BEFORE ADDS UP TO NOTHING COMPARED TO THIS.

ALL RIGHT, FRANCIS. PUT OUT THE LIGHTS. YES, SIR.

NOW, THIS IS WHERE WE'LL BE WORKING.

THE MANHATTAN MUSEUM OF ART.

WE'RE GONNA KNOCK OVER A MUSEUM?

AND THIS IS WHAT WE'RE AFTER:

"FIELD OF SUNFLOWERS," BY DUBREAUX.

YOU MEAN AFTER ALL THE BUILD-UP, YOUR BIG TRICK IS TO BREAK INTO A MUSEUM...

AND STEAL ONE LOUSY PICTURE? YOU'RE KIDDIN', AREN'T YA?

I BEEN FILIN' MY HANDS, GETTIN' IN SHAPE.

- ONE LOUSY PICTURE, HEY. - I COULD CARRY IT AWAY.

IF YOU'LL SHUT YOUR IGNORANT YAPS,

I'LL SET YOU GUYS STRAIGHT ON A FEW FACTS.

FIRST, IT'S NOT A LOUSY PICTURE.

IT'S A VERY FINE PICTURE, AND IT'S A VERY FAMOUS PICTURE,

- WORTH AROUND 600 GS. - SIX HUNDRED GS?

AND SECOND, IT'S 40 FEET LONG,

A WHOLE ROOM.

SO DON'T TALK JUST LIKE YOU'RE GONNA STROLL IN...

AND STICK IT UNDER YOUR COAT WHEN NOBODY'S LOOKING.

HEY, JOE, IF THAT PICTURE IS SO FAMOUS, HOW YOU GONNA UNLOAD IT?

I'M NOT GONNA UNLOAD IT. I'M GONNA KEEP IT.

WHEN I GO TO MY FINAL REST...

AND THE WORLD FINDS OUT WHO TOOK THAT PICTURE,

MY NAME WILL BE FAMOUS.

YOU MEAN THAT AFTER YOU'VE CASHED IN,

YOU WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW YOU COPPED THIS HERE PICTURE, HUH?

IN MY WILL, I'M GIVING THIS PICTURE BACK TO THE MUSEUM,

AND MAYBE A MILLION EXTRA...

THAT IS, IF THEY'RE WILLING TO CHANGE THE NAME OF THE PLACE.

THE LEO JOSEPH SMOOTH MEMORIAL MUSEUM.

- LEO? - YOU MAKE ONE CRACK...

CHANGE THE SLIDE.

NOW, THE MUSEUM BOUGHT "SUNFLOWERS" IN PARIS LAST MONTH...

AND HAD IT SHIPPED ON TO NEW YORK.

THIS ROOM HAS BEEN SET UP SPECIAL.

TOMORROW NIGHT THEY'RE GIVING A RECEPTION...

FOR THE CURATOR OF THE MUSEUM TO UNVEIL THE PICTURE.

WHEN DO WE GRAB IT?

RIGHT AFTER THE RECEPTION, BEFORE THE PUBLIC EVER GETS TO SEE IT.

[ Felton ] TOMORROW NIGHT? [ Rinzy ] WHY THE SHORT NOTICE, JOE?

WELL, THINGS HAVE A WAY OF GETTING OUT.

MANY A PRIZE TRICK HAS BEEN SPOILED BECAUSE OF A LEAK.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANY OF US, JOE.

YOU'RE RIGHT, I DON'T. BECAUSE NONE OF YOU ARE LEAVING THIS HOUSE...

UNTIL TOMORROW AFTERNOON, WHEN WE GO TO THE MUSEUM.

[ Cowboy ] IT AIN'T FAIR, JOE! [ Men Chattering In Protest ]

[ Joe ] THAT'S THE WAY IT IS!

INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING, I WOULD SUGGEST THAT YOU USE WHAT TIME YOU'VE GOT...

TO STUDY THE OPERATION, TO WHICH I WORKED OUT EVERY DETAIL.

LET'S SEE THE PICTURE AGAIN.

NOW, "FIELD OF SUNFLOWERS" IS A TRIPTYCH.

A WHAT? THAT MEANS IT WAS PAINTED IN THREE SECTIONS.

SO IN ORDER TO MOVE IT, WE'LL HAVE TO DIVIDE IT...

OVER HERE AND OVER HERE.

[ Door Closes ] [ Florian ] IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. DON'T TELL JOE.

[ Joe ] ACE, PUT THE LIGHTS ON.

[ Florian ] WAIT A MINUTE! YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE!

WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE? I WOULD LIKE ANOTHER CAR, PLEASE,

AND ANOTHER DRIVER TO TAKE ME HOME.

WHY? SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THE CAR? IT'S BROKEN.

BROKEN? A NEW CAR, LESS THAN A THOUSAND MILES, AND IT'S BROKEN?

WELL, QUITE POSSIBLY IT WAS NOT BUILT TO WITHSTAND CRASHING INTO A TREE.

OF COURSE, THAT'S JUST AN OPINION. I AM NOT A MECHANIC.

YOU WRAPPED UP THE CAR.

WELL, SHE HIT ME.

I SLAPPED HIM, FOR THE CLASSIC REASON.

ALL I DID WAS... I KNOW WHAT YA DID.

AH, SO THE KID GOT OUT OF HAND. HE'S SORRY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S NO GREAT DISASTER.

WHAT'RE YA ALWAYS BLEEDIN' FOR?

I WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING VERY CLEAR, MR. SMOOTH.

I COME HERE AS AN ART INSTRUCTOR ONLY.

NOW, RELAX. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY. WE HAVE OTHER CARS.

WE'LL JUST, UH... OH, FRANCIS. "SUNFLOWERS."

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE ELSE DRIVE YA HOME.

THE "FIELD OF SUNFLOWERS." WHY ARE YOU SHOWING A PICTURE OF THAT HERE?

WELL, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO REMIND YOU. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO APPRECIATE ART.

THESE PEOPLE? WELL, THERE MUST BE SOME OTHER REASON.

[ Jack ] BOSS, YOU WANT ME TO DRIVE HER HOME?

NO, I JUST HAPPENED TO THINK, UH...

I DON'T HAVE ANOTHER CAR AVAILABLE.

YOU DON'T MIND STAYIN' HERE TONIGHT?

UH, WELL, I'D RATHER NOT. I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT IN THE MORNING.

THE TRAIN! HOW ABOUT THE TRAIN? IT'S TOO LATE FOR THE TRAIN.

FLORIAN, YOU SHOW MISS INWOOD UPSTAIRS.

I-I REALLY SHOULD GET HOME.

TOMORROW MAYBE WE'LL GET IN ANOTHER LESSON, OKAY?

TOMORROW I HAVE TO... TOMORROW.

[ Gasps ]

KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF, OR I'LL TAKE 'EM AWAY FROM YA.

TOO BAD SHE HAD TO SEE THAT PICTURE.

AW, SHE DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

YOU THINK SHE'LL REMEMBER SEEING IT WHEN SHE HEARS ABOUT THE MUSEUM BEING KNOCKED OVER?

SHE'LL REMEMBER A LOT OF OTHER THINGS,

THINGS I ASKED HER ABOUT.

THAT'S WHY YOU WERE TAKING THE ART LESSONS. SHE KNOWS ABOUT THE MUSEUM.

I'M TAKING LESSONS FROM HER BECAUSE SHE'S A GOOD TEACHER.

IF I PICKED UP A LITTLE INFORMATION ON THE SIDE, WELL, THAT'S VELVET,

AND I GOT A BARGAIN. HEY, JOE.

HOW COME YA FIXED HER UP WITH A ROOM? YOU'RE GONNA KNOCK HER OFF, AREN'T YA?

DON'T BE SO ANXIOUS. SHE OWES ME A COUPLE OF MORE LESSONS.

IF YOU LET HER LIVE, SHE'LL SHOOT HER MOUTH OFF.

DO I NEED YOU TO TELL ME? NOW, LET'S GET DOWN TO THE BUSINESS IN HAND.

NOW, AT THE RECEPTION, A CATERING SERVICE...

IS GOING TO HAND OUT CHAMPAGNE AND HORS D'OEUVRES.

AFTER IT'S OVER, NATURALLY, THEY'LL STAY TO CLEAN UP.

THEY AND TWO GUARDS...

WILL BE ALL THE PEOPLE LEFT IN THE BUILDING.

NOW, THOSE CATERERS ARE GONNA BE YOU.

- HOW'S IT GONNA BE, JOE? - WELL, WE HIJACK THE CATERER'S TRUCK, THAT'S HOW.

WHEN THE PARTY IS OVER, THE PAINTING IS GOING TO LEAVE IN THE TRUCK.

YOU'RE GONNA BE THERE, AREN'T YA, TO TELL US WHAT TO DO?

YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

I'M ATTENDING THE RECEPTION.

MISS INWOOD GOT ME AN INVITATION.

- WHAT ABOUT THE GUARDS? - WELL, THEY'LL HAVE TO BE KILLED.

QUIETLY.

LET'S SEE THE FLOOR PLAN AGAIN, FRANCIS.

COME OVER HERE, PLEASE.

NOW, UH, ONE OF THE GUARDS WILL STAY CLOSE...

AS LONG AS THE CATERERS ARE STILL IN THE KITCHEN.

PROBABLY AROUND HERE.

THE OTHER, WELL, THAT'S GONNA BE TOUGHER.

HE'LL BE MAKING ROUNDS.

HE MAY BE UPSTAIRS, HE MAY BE DOWN, HE MAY BE OUTSIDE.

ANYWAY, YOU TAKE A LOOK AROUND. WHEN YOU FIND HIM,

YOU WALK UP TO HIM WITH A TRAY OF FOOD,

COMPLIMENTS OF THE CATERING SERVICE.

HE THANKS YOU. HE RELAXES. AND THEN YOU KILL HIM.

NOW, HOW DO YOU FIGURE YOU'LL DO IT? DO WHAT?

KILL HIM. OH. [ Clears Throat ]

WELL, MAYBE, UH...

MAYBE A SHIV AT THE BASE OF THE MEDULLA OBBLIGATO,

OR MAYBE I'LL PARALYZE THE CLAVICHORD.

ALL DEPENDS ON HOW I FEEL AT THE TIME.

MEDULLA OBBLIGATA.

WELL, IN EVERY ART FORM THERE'S AN ELEMENT OF SPONTANEITY.

I'M THE FIRST TO APPRECIATE THAT. [ Chuckling ]

WELL, ANYWAY, YOU GET THE PLAN IN YOUR MIND,

AND REMEMBER, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND THE OTHER GUARD.

AND AS FOR YOU, YOU'LL HAVE TO SERVE PROPERLY,

BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WHO COME TO THIS RECEPTION...

WILL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

THE FOOD IS ALL GONNA BE PREPARED,

AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET IT OUT.

COWBOY, YOU COME ALONG WITH ME, AND LET'S GET IN SOME PRACTICE SERVING.

- ACE! - [ Chokes ]

- YOU'RE SNEAKING BOOZE. - NO. M-ME? OH. JUST A LITTLE ONE.

I'M GONNA LET YOU CROSS ME JUST THIS ONE TIME, BECAUSE YOU'RE A SPECIAL VISITOR.

DON'T TRY CROSSING ME AGAIN.

NO BOOZE FOR ACE! AND NO BROADS.

- THAT'S ROUGH, JOE. - HE GETS TANKED JUST SMELLING THE CORK.

- PEPPY WARNED ME. - HE DON'T LOOK TANKED.

YEAH.

HOW COME HE AIN'T TANKED?

[ Raspberry ]

[ Laughing ]

HEY, COWBOY, WHEREZH YER HORSHEY?

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! CUNG, CUNG, CUNG! [ Laughing ]

WATCH THEM FINGERS, FINGERS!

EVERYBODY ON STAGE FOR THE LINEUP.

LOUSY LUSH! NOW, HOLD IT.

IN HIS CONDITION, HE'S NOT RESPONSIBLE.

OH, FRANCIS, TAKE HIM UPSTAIRS. LET HIM SLEEP IT OFF.

I CAN TAKE MY OWN SELF... UPSTAIRS.

I DON'T WISH TO BE A BURDEN TO ANYONE.

[ Imitates Explosion ]

[ Door Opens ]

[ Chuckling ] GOOD NIGHT, JIGGS. FRANCIS!

GOOD NIGHT, FRANCIS.

[ Spits ]

[ Buzzing ]

[ Bobby ] ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

CITY ZOO. I'M SORRY. THE LION IS BUSY. WHAT ARE YA DOIN' HERE?

DON'T MESS WITH ME. I'M DANGEROUS. LOOK WHAT YOU DID HERE!

HELLO? OH, HI, LEFTY. KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? I'M GONNA KILL YOU SO QUIET...

YOU AIN'T GONNA DO NOTHIN' TO NOBODY, THE SHAPE YOU'RE IN.

HELLO, LEFTY? ALL RIGHT, YOU ASKED FOR IT.

GO TO BED, WILL YA? HELLO, LEFTY?

YEAH, I'M SORRY. WE GOT TROUBLE HERE. YEAH.

[ Growling ]

HI, BOY.

- NICE BOY. - [ Barking, Snarling ]

STAY. NICE BOY.

[ Snarling, Barking Continue ]

HEY, FRANCIS!

WHAT D'YA GOT TO EAT AROUND HERE?

AH. TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, FRANCIS, I'M A LITTLE...

AND WHEN YOU'RE A LITTLE... WHAA!

IT'S GOOD TO TAKE A LITTLE SOMETHING TO EAT.

WOULD YOU CARE FOR SOME MILK WITH THOSE DOG BISCUITS?

DO I LOOK LIKE A MILK DRINKER TO YOU?

GOOD NIGHT.

WHERE, UH... WHERE'S, UH, MY ROOM?

OH, STRAIGHT UPSTAIRS, THROUGH THE ALCOVE AND TO THE RIGHT.

[ Sniffs ]

HEY.

WHERE'S THAT ART TEACHER HANG HER CANVAS?

I MIGHT WANNA TAKE A LESSON. [ Laughing ]

YOU TURN LEFT INSTEAD OF RIGHT.

[ Chuckling ]

YOU'RE A SWEETHEART.

[ Soft Knocking ]

[ Knocking ]

[ Whispering ] MISS INWOOD.

MISS INWOOD? WHO'S THERE?

WRONG ROOM. MR. WILLIAMS.

I'M SO... I MADE A MISTAKE. A MISTAKE?

YEAH, I WAS GOING FOR MY ROOM. I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.

IT'S NO BOTHER. ALWAYS A PLEASURE. SIT DOWN AND VISIT.

WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK? OH, NO, THANKS.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE? LI... NOTHING. NOTHING.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY BRANDY ON THE ROCKS WITH A SPLASH OF SODA?

THAT'S WHAT JOE LIKES. I... I SHOULD GET BACK.

YOU CAN CERTAINLY TAKE TIME FOR ONE DRINK, CAN'T YOU?

IT GETS LONESOME AROUND HERE SOMETIMES.

LONESOME? IN THIS PLACE? IT'S FULL OF GUYS.

THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING EXCEPT THE THINGS THEY KNOW ABOUT. KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

EXCEPT JOE, OF COURSE, AND HE'S BUSY ALL THE TIME.

[ Chuckles ] HAVE A SEAT.

OH, THANK YOU. 'COURSE, WHEN YOU'VE BEEN IN SHOW BUSINESS,

YOU MISS THAT EXCITEMENT ALL THE TIME.

- YOU WERE IN SHOW BUSINESS? - I CERTAINLY WAS.

ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SHOW BUSINESS, MR. WILLIAMS?

WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT... [ Laughing ] WELL, OF COURSE.

WHO ISN'T? IT'S UNIVERSAL.

WHAT'D YOU DO IN SHOW BUSINESS?

THAT'S YOU? IT CERTAINLY IS.

IT'S PROBABLY THE HAIR THAT THREW YOU. [ Laughing ]

AUTOGRAPHED IT TO YOURSELF.

THEY CALLED US THE SCANDALS ON ICE.

I HAD TWO SEASONS IN THE CHORUS, AND THEN I HAD A SPECIALTY.

I'LL SHOW YOU.

SEE?

"MELANIE MARIE, HEAT WAVE AT THE NORTH POLE."

I WAS ON THE COVER OF LOOK TOO. ME AND TWO OTHER GIRLS.

I'LL SHOW YOU. LOOK, MISS MARIE, COULD WE DO THIS LATER?

IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE ANYONE CALLED ME THAT.

IT'S NOT MY REAL NAME. I MADE IT UP.

WE WEREN'T REALLY INTRODUCED. OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY. I'M MELANIE SMOOTH.

MELANIE WHAT? SMOOTH. I'M JOE'S WIFE.

IT WAS VERY NICE TALKIN' TO YOU, MRS. SMOOTH.

YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED YOUR DRINK YET. OH. YEAH.

OOH. [ Chuckling ]

ALL FINISHED. OH, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HOW WE LOOKED...

IN THE ARABIAN NIGHTS FANTASY.

MR. WILLIAMS, DID YOU EVER SEE THE SCANDALS? NO, I NEVER DID.

WELL, YOU REALLY MISSED SOMETHING. IT WAS GORGEOUS.

BIG PRODUCTION NUMBERS AND BEAUTIFUL COSTUMES.

AND THE FINALE: I CAME DOWN THIS WINDING STAIRCASE...

IN A FUR CAPE TEN YARDS LONG.

THE LIGHTS DIMMED, AND THE AUDIENCE GASPED...

AS I TOOK IT OFF.

AND THEN THERE I STAND, ALL IN RHINESTONES.

- HOW MANY? - OH, I KNOW THAT MAGAZINE COVER'S HERE SOMEWHERE.

THEN THE STAR CAME OUT IN HIS SLEIGH, ALL SILVER AND GOLD,

PULLED BY EIGHT LITTLE CHORUS BOYS.

YOU KNOW, I MIGHT'VE BEEN A STAR...

IF I'D STAYED LONG ENOUGH. I'LL BET YOU WOULD HAVE.

OF COURSE, YOU HAD TO BE REAL GOOD TO BE A STAR.

AND ANYWAY, I GAVE IT ALL UP FOR JOE.

WELL, THEY, UH, SAY MARRIAGES AND CAREERS DON'T MIX.

THAT'S VERY TRUE. WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' IN HERE, ACE?

HEY, COWBOY! JOE TOLD YOU TO SLEEP IT OFF.

YOU BEEN SPYIN' ON ME, OLD COWBOY. [ Imitates Gunshot ]

ARE YOU HURT, MR. WILLIAMS? HE'S DRUNK.

[ Melanie ] HE'S DRUNK? WELL, JUST LOOK AT HIM.

JUST LOOK AT ME. I ONLY GAVE HIM ONE DRINK.

YOU GIVE HIM A DRINK? JOE'S GONNA BE SORE.

SHH. WE WON'T TELL HIM.

WHAT HE DOESN'T KNOW WON'T HURT HIM.

WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? NOBODY TELLS ME ANYTHING!

MY GOODNESS! OHH, YOU'RE A NICE LADY.

YOU REMIND ME OF MY AUNT GLADYS. I DO?

SHE COULDN'T ICE-SKATE, BUT SHE WAS A SWEETHEART. OH.

OH, UH, I BROUGHT YOUR PURSE, MA'AM. YOU LEFT IT IN THE CAR.

THANK YOU. YOU CERTAINLY BELIEVE IN LIVING UP TO YOUR REPUTATION.

OH, MRS. SMOOTH, JOE SAID THAT YOU OUGHTA GET THE TEACHER SOMETHIN' TO SLEEP IN.

OH, FINE. THERE. EASY, BOY.

[ Sobbing ] SHE DIED, COWBOY.

WELL, IT CERTAINLY DOES HAVE AN EFFECT ON HIM.

I'LL HELP YA GET TO YOUR BUNK. A LITTLE BIT OF SUNSHINE WENT AWAY FOREVER.

WHAT'RE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, ACE? WHO DIED? MY AUNT GLADYS.

WELL, WE ALL GOTTA GO SOMETIME.

THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVER LOVED ME.

NOW, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, ACE.

I'D GIVE ANYTHING IF I COULD SEE HER AGAIN. WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?

WELL, SHE WAS MAKIN' BOOK IN OAKLAND, AND THEY CAUGHT HER ON THE TAKE...

AND DROPPED HER IN THE BAY.

[ Imitates Splash ] THAT'S ROUGH.

[ Sobs ] OKAY. I'LL BE ALL RIGHT NOW.

YOU GET SOME REST. WE GOT A BIG JOB AHEAD OF US.

THANKS A LOT, COWBOY. [ Imitates Gunshot ]

YOU'RE A GOOD COWBOY.

[ Snarling, Barking ]

[ Growling ]

[ Growling Continues ]

[ Barking ]

[ Exhales ]

[ Barking ]

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

[ Barking Continues ]

[ Barking Stops ]

[ Tapping At Window ]

WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE? SHH! LET ME IN, QUICK!

GO AWAY. NO. DO YOU WANT ME TO FALL OFF AND BREAK MY NECK?

WOULD YOU? THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.

WELL, BE INSULTED AND GO AWAY. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

DON'T YOU DARE COME IN HERE.

WHY DON'T YOU GO SEE THE LADY NEXT DOOR? YOU'RE MORE HER TYPE.

BUT I'M NOT THAT TYPE. WELL, THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IMITATION YOU DID IN THE HALL.

THAT'S JUST IT. EXCUSE ME. [ Dog Barking ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THE DOG.

[ Barking Stops ] THAT'S JUST WHAT IT WAS: AN IMITATION.

I WAS PLAYING A PART. I'VE BEEN PLAYIN' PARTS ALL NIGHT,

PRETENDIN' TO BE A DRUNK, PRETENDIN' TO BE A GANGSTER.

LOOK, IF I WAS DRUNK, COULD I BALANCE OUT ON THIS LEDGE?

MAYBE. I'M A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES, JUST LIKE YOU.

LOOK, MY NAME... MY NAME IS JACK ALBANY.

I'M AN ACTOR. THAT'S WHY YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW ME.

YOU'VE PROBABLY SEEN ME ON TV. LOOK CLOSE.

I ONLY WATCH DOCUMENTARIES. NOT ONLY TV.

A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO, I DID TWELFTH NIGHT AT THE PHOENIX THEATER.

YOU DO KNOW THE PHOENIX THEATER?

WELL, YEAH. I SAW TWELFTH NIGHT. THEN YOU REMEMBER ME.

NO, I DON'T. I PLAYED MALVOLIO.

"NEVER W...

"NEVER WAS A MAN THUS WRONGED. BUT DO NOT THINK ME MAD. OH, BROTHER.

I'VE BEEN LAIN HERE IN HIDEOUS DARKNESS."

WALTER KERR REMEMBERED ME. HE DID?

I GOT A COPY OF THE REVIEW. HE SAID THAT MY MALVOL...

[ Gasps ]

[ Dog Barking ]

- HELP. - YOU REALLY ARE INSANE.

WHATEVER YOU SAY. JUST HELP ME UP.

[ Dog Growling ]

[ Grunting ]

I'M TRYING.

OH.

ALL RIGHT, READ IT FOR YOURSELF. [ Knocking At Door ]

HIDE.

[ Chattering Indistinctly ]

[ Growling, Barking ]

[ Barking Continues ]

[ Whispering ] I HAVEN'T GOT ANY MORE. [ Barking Continues ]

I WOULDN'T HOLD OUT ON YA.

MR. WILLIAMS! YOU NEED SOME HELP? NOPE, NOPE.

SHH. OH, DON'T YOU WORRY. I'VE GOT YOU.

[ Barking Continues ] THIS IS VERY DANGEROUS UP HERE.

OH, IT CERTAINLY IS.

- [ Barking Continues ] - SHUT UP, CAESAR!

[ Growling ] WHAT'S GOIN' ON, HERE?

- HI, JOE, HONEY. - MELANIE, DISAPPEAR.

HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

JUST OUT FOR A LITTLE STROLL IN THE FRESH AIR, JOE.

LOOK OUT!

I RAN INTO THAT LADY THAT REMINDED ME OF HER.

- REMINDED YOU OF WHO? - POOR AUNT GLADYS.

ACE, I SUGGEST YOU GET INSIDE AND STAY THERE.

YOU'RE LIABLE TO FIND YOURSELF IN A STRAITJACKET.

OH, THAT'S WHAT THEY DID TO POOR AUNT GLADYS,

AND THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT WHEN THEY DROPPED HER IN THE BAY.

SHE COULDN'T SWIM ANYWAY. ACE, I NEED YOU TOMORROW,

SO I DON'T WANT YOU GETTING HURT.

YOU GET HURT, I'LL KILL YOU. NOW GO TO BED.

GOOD NIGHT, JOE.

[ Caesar Growling, Barking ]

SEE THAT HE STAYS IN HIS ROOM 'TIL HE SLEEPS IT OFF.

SHUT UP, CAESAR! YEAH, SHUT UP!

THE THINGS I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH.

A LESSER MAN WOULD BREAK DOWN.

HI, ACE.

I HOPE YOU'RE FEELIN' BETTER. YEAH. YEAH, BETTER.

I, UH, COULD USE A COUPLE OF ASPIRIN, THOUGH. WHY, CERTAINLY.

YOU CAN KEEP THE WHOLE TIN. THANKS.

[ Doorbell Chimes ]

- WHERE'S THE BOSS? - BUSY.

- SOMEBODY'S HERE TO SEE HIM. - WHEN THE BOSS IS BUSY, HE'S BUSY.

YOU BETTER TELL HIM. HE SAYS HE'S ACE WILLIAMS.

UH, COULD USE SOME WATER WITH THESE ASPIRIN.

AH, WE HAVE SOME WATER RIGHT... NO GLASS.

OH. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

UH-UH.

JOE WOULDN'T LIKE THAT.

[ Chuckles ]

HE WANTS YOU... DOWNSTAIRS.

WHAT'S UP? YOU TELL ME.

I DON'T LIKE RIDDLIN', PUNK.

WHO'S RIDDLIN'?

YOU ARE. RIDDLIN' AND GRINNIN'.

HA-HA. I'M DOIN' NOTHIN'. YOU JUST KEEP DOIN' THAT.

WELL, YOU LOOK IN PRETTY GOOD SHAPE.

- NOTHING KEEPS ME DOWN FOR LONG. - THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR.

YEAH, I SNAP BACK LIKE A WHIP!

WISH THE TRICK WAS TONIGHT. I'M ITCHIN' FOR SOME ACTION.

MAYBE WE CAN ARRANGE SOMETHING.

COWBOY, HOW'S IT GOIN'?

SOMEONE HERE I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET.

WELL, I'LL MEET HIM OR KILL HIM. YOU NAME IT. THIS IS ACE WILLIAMS.

WHO'S HE? WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM? HE DEAF OR SOMETHING?

WELL, I'LL TRY AGAIN.

ACE WILLIAMS, MEET ACE WILLIAMS.

THAT'S... THAT'S PRETTY FUNNY, JOE.

HE ARRIVED AT THE GATE A FEW MINUTES AGO.

WHA... I MEAN, THIS IS CRAZY! YOU DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE ME.

IF THEY'RE GONNA BRING IN A RINGER, THEY'D GET SOMEBODY THAT LOOKED THE PART.

- WHO'S THEY? - DON'T ASK ME. ASK THE PHONY.

WHO'S THEY? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT.

PEPPY TOLD ME TO SHOW UP HERE... HE KNOWS ABOUT PEPPY.

THEY'RE VERY THOROUGH. WHO'S THEY?

LOOK, PHONY, WE GOT WAYS OF MAKIN' YOU TALK.

WHAT IS THIS, SOME KIND OF A NUTHOUSE?

I COME EAST TO DO A JOB FOR JOE SMOOTH.

I COME IN BLIND, 'CAUSE PEPPY SAYS IT'S OKAY.

THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR IT.

AH, SO I'VE GOT A PAIR OF ACES, AND I'VE GOT TO DISCARD ONE.

YOU GOT ONE ACE... AND A JOKER.

LOOK, PHONY, YOU KNOW ACE WILLIAMS' REPUTATION?

YOU COULD GET YOURSELF KILLED REAL QUICK.

MMM. THAT'S RIGHT.

SUPPOSE YOU TRY IT.

IT'S UP TO YOU, BOSS. YOU WANT M-ME TO MAKE THIS JOKER DEAD?

RELAX, WILL YOU? LET'S SEE IF WE CAN'T DO IT THE EASY WAY.

I'M SUGGESTIN' THE EASY WAY.

YOU GOT SOME IDENTIFICATION?

UH... NO, I AIN'T.

SEE, I GOT ROLLED. THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE WAREHOUSE.

[ Chuckling ] I, UH... GOT MIXED UP WITH THIS REDHEAD.

SHE GAVE ME A MICKEY AND TOOK MY WALLET WITH 600 BUCKS.

I WOKE UP IN AN ALLEY. I TOLD BETTER STORIES THAN THAT IN NURSERY SCHOOL.

THAT'S AN INSULT TO JOE'S INTELLIGENCE.

BROADS ALWAYS WAS TROUBLE FOR ME, MR. SMOOTH.

YEAH. PEPPY SAID SO.

YOU GOT SOME I.D.?

WELL?

LOOK, I DON'T LIKE LOWERIN' MYSELF FOR A PHONY.

BE A LOT MORE DIGNIFIED, YOU JUST LET ME KILL HIM.

LET HIM DO THAT. YE... EXCUSE ME, COWBOY.

[ Frank ] HEY, JOE. YEAH?

- I GOT AN IDEA. - WHAT IDEA?

YOU WANNA FIND OUT WHICH ONE IS THE BIG KILLER-MAN, RIGHT? YEAH.

SO PUT 'EM BOTH IN A ROOM, LOCK THE DOOR...

AND THE ONE THAT COMES OUT IS HIM.

NOT BAD.

[ Chuckling ] THAT'S PRETTY CORNY.

JUST SHOW US THE ROOM AND LET ME AT HIM. [ Joe ] GOT STYLE.

REMINDS ME OF THE OLD DAYS.

'COURSE, THERE'S A CHANCE THAT NEITHER ONE WILL COME OUT.

- DON'T YOU COUNT ON IT. - WE'LL DO IT.

WE'LL USE THE LIBRARY.

AW, SHUT UP, YA GREASY LITTLE PUNK.

NOW, WE, UH, WANT TO KEEP THIS CONTEST ABSOLUTELY FAIR AND SQUARE,

SO NO WEAPONS OF ANY KIND.

OKAY WITH YOU? OKAY? MM-HMM.

[ Chuckles Nervously ] LIGHTS ON OR OFF?

ANY PREFERENCES? NO.

HOWEVER WE FIND THE ROOM, THAT'S THE WAY IT STAYS.

OFF.

NEW ACE TO THE LEFT. OLD ACE TO THE RIGHT.

HAVE A GOOD GAME, GENTLEMEN.

I'LL BE WAITING OUTSIDE TO SEE WHO COMES OUT ACE-HIGH. [ Laughing ]

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT A TASTE FOR?

POPCORN. YEAH.

[ Thud ]

MR. WILLIAMS? MR. WILLIAMS?

WE'RE A COUPLE OF INTELLIGENT, CIVILIZED MEN.

WE DON'T HAVE TO SETTLE OUR DIFFERENCES LIKE SAVAGES.

[ Thud ] OH!

OOH, I'M SORRY, MR. WILLIAMS.

WH-WHY DON'T WE JUST SIT DOWN AND TALK THIS THING OVER?

[ Thud ] [ Thud ]

[ Clattering ]

WHY, IF... IF TWO MEN IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS...

CAN REACH AN ACCOMMODATION, WH-WHO KNOWS BUT WHAT...

NATIONS, TOO, CAN LEARN TO REASON INSTEAD OF FIGHT.

HI.

[ Chuckling ] YEAH.

PERHAPS FROM THE SEED OF CONCORD WE PLANT HERE TONIGHT,

A-A GREAT FRUIT-BEARING TREE WILL GROW...

A-AN UMBRELLA OF PEACE, SPREADING ITS BRANCHES OVER THE WHOLE BEAUTIFUL WORLD.

INTERNATIONAL BROTHERHOOD OF EVERY RACE AND CREED... YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

- SEE IF I KILLED HIM. - NO, YOU DIDN'T KILL HIM.

[ Sighs ]

YOU'RE QUITE A GIRL. THANK YOU. OH.

OH, I'M SORRY. YEAH, I KNOW. IT'S AN OLD MACHINE-GUN WOUND.

IT UNNERVED ME. YOU MIND IF I CALL YOU SALLY?

NO. OH.

LISTEN. WHEN YOU GUYS CAME IN, I WAS HIDING BEHIND THE DESK.

I WAS TRYING TO GET TO THE TELEPHONE. IF... NO, DON'T.

THEY GOT A SWITCHBOARD. OH, NO.

HEY, YOU...

YOU FINALLY REMEMBERED SEEING ME IN TWELFTH NIGHT. NO.

WELL, HOW DID YOU KNOW TO HIT HIM?

IT WAS PRETTY OBVIOUS WHICH ONE WASN'T THE PROFESSIONAL KILLER.

"AN UMBRELLA OF PEACE SPREADING ITS..." ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

I THINK I DID PRETTY GOOD UP TO A POINT. I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE CRITICAL. HOW DID YOU GET IN THIS MESS?

MISTAKEN IDENTITY. I DID A TELEVISION SHOW TONIGHT. ON MY WAY HO...

HOW COULD YOU HAVE SEEN TWELFTH NIGHT AND NOT REMEMBER ME?

ALL OF THE CRITICS RAVED. WALTER KERR RAVED ABOUT ME. HE'S MOVING.

NO, HE'S NOT. SORRY, BUT I HAD TO BRING YOU DOWN TO EARTH SOMEHOW.

LOOK, JOE AND HIS FRIENDS ARE WAITIN' OUTSIDE.

IN A FEW MINUTES, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO BE MAKING YOUR TRIUMPHANT REAPPEARANCE.

YEAH. LOOK, I CAN'T LEAVE YOU HERE ALONE.

WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE. E-EXCUSE ME.

NO. THERE'S A BIG DOG OUT THERE.

CAESAR? HE KNOWS ME.

THERE'S A FENCE TOO.

HEY, IF YOU CAN HANDLE THAT DOG, I CAN CLIMB THE FENCE.

IT'S ELECTRIFIED. OH.

WHAT? I WAS WEARIN' A LONG WIG AND THOSE SKINNY TIGHTS.

THAT'S WHY YOU DIDN'T RECOGNIZE ME. HE'S MOVING!

WILL YA STOP WITH THAT? NO, REALLY!

YEAH?

- WHERE YA GOIN'? - I'M HIDING AGAIN.

WHEN THE COAST IS CLEAR, I'LL GO BACK TO MY ROOM. I'LL BE OKAY.

COME SEE ME LATER, HUH?

OH. THANK YOU.

- WHAT FOR? - FOR SAVIN' MY LIFE.

OH, THAT? I'D DO THAT FOR ANY GREAT ACTOR.

- THANKS. - GOOD LUCK.

HEY! WHO WON? WHO WON?

I DIDN'T HEAR NOTHIN'! AH, THAT SETTLES IT!

YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET RUMPLED.

HOW'D YOU DO IT? I'M CURIOUS. JUST AN ORDINARY AUSTRALIAN NECK-KLOP.

- HEY! HE AIN'T DEAD! - WHAT?

THE NECK-KLOP DISABLES. IT DOESN'T KILL.

WELL, WHAT'D YA WANNA GO AND USE THAT KLOP FOR?

IF I KILL HIM, HIS MOUTH IS SEALED FOREVER. SO LET IT BE SEALED.

THEN YOU NEVER FIND OUT WHO "THEY" IS.

YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S GOOD THINKING.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, LOCK HIM UP IN THE CELLAR.

NOW I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I KNEW ALL THE TIME YOU WERE THE REAL ACE.

[ Chuckling ]

GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP, BOYS.

WE'VE GOT A BIG DAY AHEAD OF US TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT, JOE. HEY, POPS, JOE'S RIGHT.

YOU NEED YOUR REST. YOU WASH YOUR GLASSES, OR YOU'LL LOSE YOUR LICENSE.

OH. HAVE A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP, COWBOY.

OH, I SLEEP BETTER IN THE OPEN, RINZY.

[ Bobby ] SIX HUNDRED GS FOR ONE PICTURE.

HEY, WHY DON'T WE DO SOME PAINTIN'?

CAN I GET YA ANYTHING ELSE, BOSS?

NO, THANKS, FRANCIS. YOU BETTER TURN IN.

OKAY. GOOD NIGHT.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? I THOUGHT YOU WERE NEVER COMING. I'M FINE.

SALLY, SOMETHING VERY PECULIAR IS HAPPENING. WHAT?

I WAS SITTING DOWN THERE WORRYING MORE ABOUT YOU THAN ABOUT MYSELF.

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE THAT MEANS? I DON'T KNOW.

YOU THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU?

I-I'VE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE WITH ANYONE BEFORE.

I MEAN, EXCEPT MYSELF. I-I GOT GOOSE BUMPS ALL OVER.

WELL, LISTEN, IT'S PROBABLY JUST A REACTION TO MY SAVING YOUR LIFE.

I MEAN, YOU'RE CONFUSING LOVE WITH GRATITUDE.

YEAH, MAYBE. MAYBE.

JACK.

WHY WAS JOE SHOWING THAT PICTURE OF THE "SUNFLOWERS"?

WE'RE GONNA STEAL IT TOMORROW.

AT THE RECEPTION? NO, AFTERWARDS.

WE'RE GONNA IMPERSONATE THE CATERING SERVICE.

I HAVE TO KILL TWO GUARDS QUIETLY.

I CAN'T KILL TWO GUARDS QUIETLY.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

WHAT'S THE SCHEDULE?

UH, THERE'S A 10:00 BRIEFING IN THE MORNING,

AND THEN AFTER LUNCH IS A DRESS REHEARSAL.

THEN THE FIRST GROUP... THE GUYS THAT ARE GONNA HIJACK THE TRUCK...

LEAVE AT 3:00, THEN THE REST OF US AT 3:30.

AND THERE'S NO ONE GOING OR COMING BEFORE THEN?

THERE IS NO ONE GOING OR COMING BEFORE THEN. JOE'S PLAYIN' IT VERY CLOSE.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

NO. YES, YOU ARE.

AH, MY NOSE IS WRONG. I LIKE YOUR NOSE.

I-IT'S TOO SHORT, AND HAS NO BRIDGE. I'VE DONE SELF-PORTRAITS.

HOW DID YOU EVER GET MIXED UP WITH JOE SMOOTH?

OH, HE CAME TO SEE AN EXHIBIT OF MY THINGS IN A GALLERY IN THE VILLAGE...

AND HE BOUGHT THREE PAINTINGS AND HE HIRED ME AS AN ART INSTRUCTOR.

- DIDN'T YOU KNOW WHAT HE WAS? - YEAH, BUT, UM, I DIDN'T THINK VERY MUCH ABOUT IT.

I MEAN, THE MONEY WAS GOOD; AND AFTER ALL, A STRUGGLING ARTIST CAN ALWAYS USE MONEY.

AND THEN, I'VE NEVER BEEN MUCH AFRAID OF ANYTHING.

'COURSE, I ADMIT I'M AFRAID NOW.

- WE'RE BOTH HAVIN' SOME NEW EXPERIENCES. - WELL, IT'S ALL UP TO YOU.

HUH? WELL, I MEAN, WITH THE ELECTRIC FENCE...

AND THE GUARDS AND THE SWITCHBOARD AND EVERYTHING,

THERE'S NOT MUCH HOPE OF OUR ESCAPING.

BUT TOMORROW WHEN YOU GET OUT OF HERE... I'LL BE WITH JOE AND THE REST.

YOU'LL FIND A WAY TO GET WORD TO SOMEBODY. NO, I WON'T.

IF NOWHERE ELSE, AT THE PARTY.

THERE'LL BE OVER A HUNDRED PEOPLE AT THAT RECEPTION. THEY'LL BE WATCHIN' ME.

THEY DON'T SUSPECT YOU.

JUST KEEP PLAYING THE PART OF ACE WILLIAMS...

AS BRILLIANTLY AS YOU'VE DONE SO FAR,

AND WAIT FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT.

THE THING IS, JACK, IT'S OUR ONLY CHANCE.

I'LL TRY. I KNOW YOU WILL.

LISTEN, WILL YOU BE SAFE 'TIL THEN?

OH, YEAH. LISTEN, I DON'T THINK JOE'S GONNA WORRY ABOUT ME MUCH UNTIL TOMORROW'S DONE.

YEAH. YOU AND ACE WILLIAMS, THE REAL ONE. HE'S LOCKED IN THE CELLAR.

OUR ACE IN THE HOLE. WOULD YOU LET ME DO THE BAD JOKES, PLEASE?

I'M SORRY. HADN'T YOU BETTER GO?

SALLY, LOOK. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. YEAH?

I WANT YOU TO KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT 'TIL YOU BELIEVE IT.

WHEN YOU REALLY BELIEVE IT, CONVINCE ME, WILL YA?

YOU KNOW, THERE'S AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT APPROACH WE COULD TAKE TO THIS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S OUR LAST NIGHT...

- UH, SAY GOOD NIGHT, JACK. - GOOD NIGHT, JACK.

MR. WILLIAMS? I FOUND IT.

WHAT? THE LO MAGAZINE COVER.

I PUT IT IN MY SCRAPBOOK SO I COULD HAVE IT FRAMED,

BUT THEN I KEPT FORGETTIN' TO GO TO THE FRAME SHOP, BECAUSE I NEVER GET INTO TOWN ANYWAY.

HOW ARE YOU? HMM?

YOU CERTAINLY WERE UNDER THE INFLUENCE.

OH, THAT. YEAH.

I DIDN'T NOTICE UNTIL YOU WERE ON THAT LEDGE. IT'S POISON TO ME.

THERE WAS A BOY LIKE THAT IN THE SCANDALS.

HE WAS A TRICK SKATER, AND NOBODY REALLY KNEW IT...

UNTIL ONE NIGHT HE WAS GONNA JUMP OVER SIX BARRELS AND HE ONLY MADE FOUR OF 'EM.

[ Laughing ] IN NO TIME AT ALL, HE DRANK HIS CAREER AWAY.

IT WAS REALLY SAD. [ Laughing ]

ME... ON THE COVER OF LOOK.

WELL. I'LL BET YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME, DID YOU?

WELL, SURE, I DID. WELL, A REAL, UH, CELEBRITY.

WHY, YOU'RE VERY NICE... WHEN YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING. WELL, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE VERY SENSITIVE. YOU'RE NOT LIKE THE REST OF 'EM.

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE WHAT YOU ARE.

YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE AREN'T WHAT YOU THINK THEY ARE.

AREN'T WE COZY?

- GET LOST, FRANK. - DIDN'T ANYBODY MENTION THAT SHE BELONGS TO JOE?

WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, A PIECE OF PROPERTY?

YEAH! STAY AWAY FROM HER. I GOT RIGHTS.

WHAT RIGHTS? YOU'RE JUST A BROAD. GOT ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT?

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A FIST IN THE MOUTH? YOU WOULDN'T DARE!

OH, WOULDN'T I? YES, I... AAGH! NO!

[ Sneezes ]

[ Melanie Screaming ] I'M A SOUTHERN LADY!

[ Indistinct Screaming, Banging, Glass Breaking ]

ALL RIGHT.

NOW, COWBOY, UH,

YOU HAVE A TENDENCY TO LEAN ON PEOPLE.

NOW, KEEP YOUR DISTANCE.

NOW TRY IT AGAIN.

HOR DOOVERS? DON'T MIND IF I DO.

JUST A MINUTE. THAT WORD IS HORS D'OEUVRES.

AWR DOOVER? HORS D'OEUVRE.

ORD...

NEVER MIND. SKIP IT. AVOID THE WORD.

IN FACT, DON'T TALK ANY MORE THAN YOU HAVE TO.

THAT'S A GOOD GENERAL RULE.

AND, UH, NO HAT.

BOBBY, IS THAT GUM IN YOUR MOUTH? YEAH.

NO GUM.

NO GUM.

NOW, UH, WHEN THE RECEPTION IS OVER,

YOU TAKE EVERYTHING BACK INTO THE KITCHEN AND START CLEANING UP.

NOW, FRANK, FLORIAN, YOU'LL BE THE DISHWASHERS.

NOW, BOBBY AND COWBOY,

YOU'LL DO THE PACKING.

NOW IT'S YOUR PARTY, ACE.

LET'S GO THROUGH IT. BOSS?

HMM? IT IS TIME FOR YOUR ULCER PILL.

OH, YEAH.

AHH.

JUST A MINUTE, FRANCIS. STAY RIGHT THERE. YOU CAN BE THE GUARD.

- YEAH? - LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TO REHEARSE MY ACTION,

WITH ALL MY EXPERIENCE. THIS IS A DRESS REHEARSAL.

EVERYBODY PLAYS HIS PART. FRANCIS, GIVE ACE THAT TRAY.

THAT'S IT.

NOW YOU, UH, ASK HIM VERY FRIENDLY-LIKE...

IF WE WOULD LIKE SOME ORS DOOV...

SOME HORS D'OEUVRES.

YOU PUT DOWN THE TRAY. WHAT IF HE SAYS NO?

- HE WON'T. - I WON'T.

WELL, MAYBE HE'S NOT HUNGRY. HE WON'T SAY NO.

- I PROMISE. - NOW, AH, YOU ASK HIM,

YOU PUT DOWN THE TRAY,

AND THEN YOU KILL HIM.

I CAN'T DO IT. WHAT?

IT'S TOUGH FOR ME TO FAKE A KILL.

ONCE I GET STARTED, I MIGHT GET CARRIED AWAY AND DO IT.

THAT'S HOW SINCERE I AM. CAN YA SPARE HIM?

WELL, I'LL TELL YA WHAT YOU DO.

NOW, AFTER YOU PUT DOWN THE TRAY,

PUT YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKET.

YOU MOVE IN ON HIM, FIGURE OUT YOUR STROKE,

BUT DON'T ACTUALLY DO IT.

OKAY? I'LL TRY.

GOOD EVENING, OFFICER. I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE A SNACK.

THANK YOU. I WAS GETTING HUNGRY AT THIS PARTICULAR MOMENT. THAT'S FINE.

HEY, ACE?

JOE! JOE! STOP HIM!

WAIT A MINUTE! EASY, BOY!

SEE WHAT I MEAN? YEAH. YOU'RE A REAL HOTSHOT, ACE.

OH, UH, DON'T FORGET TO PUT ON THE ELECTRIC. KEEP THE HOME FIRES BURNING.

RIGHT, BOSS.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN DESTINY, ACE?

WHAT? I SAID, UH, DO YOU BELIEVE IN DESTINY?

YES. YES, I DO.

WELL, SO DO I.

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A DATE WITH DESTINY.

YOU DO? YOU KNOW, WE ALL DO.

YOU KNOW, I CAN REMEMBER THE DAY... SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO SEE...

WHERE YOU'RE GOIN', BUT THEN YOU GET THERE AND YOU SAY,

"OF COURSE!" LIKE I SAID,

I CAN REMEMBER THE DAY BACK IN 1935...

WHEN I KNOCKED OVER THE METROPOLITAN BANK.

I MEAN, I LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW.

HERE I AM ON MY WAY TO HELP, UH, THE THEFT OF A WORLD-FAMOUS PAINTING,

IN THE COMPANY OF A BUNCH OF...

OF, UH, PEOPLE I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW UNTIL LAST NIGHT.

WHY? I MEAN, WHAT'S IT ALL FOR?

I HIRED YOU. I MET SOMEONE, THAT'S WHY.

SOMEONE WHO'S GONNA CHANGE MY WHOLE LIFE. UH, WHATEVER'S LEFT OF IT.

WHO? YOU, JOE.

DON'T YOU THINK THAT THIS IS GONNA CHANGE MY CAREER?

I MEAN, MEETIN' ONE OF THE GREATS, AW.

SEEIN' HIS MIND AT WORK, WATCHIN' HIM LEAD HIS MEN.

AND AN ARTIST TOO! AW, COME ON, NOW. [ Chuckling ]

UH, BY THE WAY, WHAT, UH...

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH THE TEACHER? TEACHER?

WHY, THE ART TEACHER. OH.

PRETTY SHARP-LOOKIN' BROAD.

WELL, I HATE TO PUT HER OUT OF BUSINESS. I KINDA LIKE HER.

WELL, I BET SHE'S A GOOD TEACHER.

GOOD TEACHERS ARE HARD TO COME BY.

WELL, I'VE LEARNED ABOUT EVERYTHING SHE HAS TO TEACH.

WAIT 'TIL SHE SEES "SUNFLOWERS" IN THE GRAND SALON.

YOU KNOW WHAT SHE HAD THE NERVE TO TELL ME ONCE?

SHE TOLD ME THAT ALL THE ART I EVER BOUGHT IN FRANCE, ENGLAND, ALL PLACES,

SAID IT WAS JUNK. [ Chuckling ] WELL, WHAT DOES SHE KNOW?

WE'LL SEE HOW SHE TURNS UP HER NOSE AT "SUNFLOWERS," HUH?

[ Chuckling ] BOY.

RIGHT ON THE BUTTON.

RIGHT BACK WHERE I STARTED.

HEY, WHERE'RE YOU GOING?

UH, I WAS THIRSTY. I THOUGHT MAYBE THERE WAS WATER.

BOSS, RINZY WAS GREAT. YOU SHOULDA SEEN THE WAY HE RAN 'EM OVER.

DON'T STOP WITH NAMES. GIVE THEM ADDRESSES AND TELEPHONE NUMBERS.

OH, BOSS.

GET 'EM OUT OF THE TRUCK INTO THE STOREROOM.

COME ON. DOWN. STEP DOWN. MAKE IT SNAPPY.

- COME ON, MAKE IT SNAPPY. - COME ON! LET'S GO! LET'S GO!

ALL RIGHT. NOW ALL YOU FELLAS START GETTING INTO UNIFORM.

DON'T WASTE ANY TIME. MAKE IT AS SNAPPY AS YOU CAN. YOU TOO, ACE.

- HERE. - TIME FOR YOU GUYS TO SHOW ME WHAT KIND OF ACTORS YOU ARE.

[ Radio Announcer ] AND THE WINNER OF THE SECOND RACE WAS LAURIE TIGER,

WITH ANTARES SECOND AND REBEL'S GLORY THIRD.

LAURIE TIGER, RIDDEN BY BELLOWS, PAID $9.80,

$5.00 AND $3.60.

ANTARES PAID $4.20 TO PLACE AND $3.60 TO SHOW.

REBEL'S GLORY PAID $10.20.

AND THE DAILY DOUBLE, DRAGON FLY TO LAURIE TIGER, PAID $65.40.

GREAT GUNS WON THE THIRD, HENRY'S FIFTH WAS SECOND AND UNCLE THOR RAN THIRD.

[ Continuing Indistinct ]

HENRY'S FIFTH PAID $4.60 AND $3.40.

UNCLE THOR PAID $5.30.

THE FOURTH RACE WAS WON BY RONALD'S DREAM, BY JIMINY SECOND...

- [ Ace Williams ] AAGH! - [ Announcer ] ...$4.80 AND $3.20.

BY JIMINY PAID $8.20 AND $4.40.

HELDERGUARD PAID THREE DOLLARS EVEN.

THE FIFTH RACE WAS WON BY MARY ANN WITH HERMAN G SECOND...

"WHEN THE FRONT OR BACK CORD LIGHT..." OH.

[ Phone Rings ] SCOOTER BLAKE WON THE SIXTH, ROCKY TODD WAS SECOND...

AND TOMSY BOY WAS THIRD.

SCOOTER BLAKE, RIDDEN BY SHERIDAN... HELLO. HELLO.

[ Whispering ] HELLO?

...$5.40 AND $3.80. TOMSY BOY PAID $6.80.

[ Console Buzzing ] HELP. HE-HELLO?

[ Many Phones Ringing ]

- [ Buzzing Continues ] - [ Ringing Continues ]

OHH.

[ More Phones Ringing ]

HEY! OH, THIS?

I WAS CALLING MY ROOMMATE TO TELL HER I WOULDN'T BE HOME TONIGHT.

LISTEN, LADY, YOU'RE GONNA GET ME IN TR...

LISTEN, LADY!

[ Radio Announcer Chattering Indistinctly ]

[ Crash ]

[ Francis ] HEY!

[ Shouts, Grunts ]

LADY, YOU'RE GETTIN' ME MAD!

THE SWITCH! WHERE'S THE SWITCH?

HEY!

HEY, LADY.

HEY! HEY, LADY!

AAH! AH, LADY!

COME ON, LADY!

[ Radio Announcer Continues Indistinct ]

[ Announcer ] IN THE FOURTH, IT WAS PEACHES AND CREAM WINNING IT...

♪♪ [ Loud Jazz ]

[ Whirring ]

[ Whirring, Music And Radio Continue ]

[ Appliances Whirring ]

♪♪ [ Loud Jazz ]

[ Whirring ]

HEY!

[ Electricity Crackling ]

♪♪ [ Mood Music ]

OH! ALL THOSE CALORIES!

OH. WILL YOU HAVE SOMETHING, MR. SMOOTH?

OH, UH, UN PETIT PATE.

WELL, HOW CAN ONE RESIST?

THANK YOU, MY GOOD MAN.

AH. OH, DO GO ON, MR. SMOOTH.

YOU WERE TRYING TO DESCRIBE WHAT PICASSO MEANS TO YOU PERSONALLY.

HERE'S ANOTHER EMPTY. I'LL SAY ONE THING, THEY SURE COULD EAT.

DON'T NOBODY EVER FEED THEM AT HOME? NEED ANY HELP?

YOU AIN'T TRAINED FOR IT. THE BOSS SET IT UP JUST SO.

THAT'S STUPID. IF YOU NEED HELP... WE DO IT THE WAY WE REHEARSED.

OKAY, BOYS, THAT'S GOOD. FINE. THANK YOU. NICE TUNE.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JUST MOVE IN, PLEASE. THANK YOU. COME ON.

THIS IS THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE? NOW BEAT IT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT IS WITH GREAT PRIDE THAT WE PRESENT TO YOU...

OUR MOST RECENT AND, UH, PERHAPS OUR MOST IMPORTANT ACQUISITION.

A MODERN MASTERPIECE:

"FIELD OF SUNFLOWERS" BY DUBREAUX.

[ Awestruck Murmuring ] OH! BEAUTIFUL.

MAGNIFICENT, ISN'T IT? OH, HEROIC.

I'M SORRY TO DISTURB YOU, SIR.

- UH, THE RECEPTION IS OVER. - OH, YES, YES, OF COURSE.

WE, UH, HAVE TO CLOSE THE MUSEUM. AH, THANK YOU.

AND, UH, THANK YOU FOR COMING, MISTER, UH...

SMOOTH. LEO JOSEPH SMOOTH.

OKAY, ACE. YOU READY?

WHAT'S THAT FOR? WELL, JUST IN CASE.

WELL, JUST IN CASE OF WHAT?

SOMETIMES THINGS GO WRONG.

YOU SHOOT THAT, COPS'LL COME FROM THREE STATES.

DON'T WORRY. I AIN'T GOT AN ITCHY TRIGGER FINGER.

- JOE WOULDN'T WANT YOU SHOOT... - RELAX, ACE. RELAX. RELAX.

HERE. DO YOUR STUFF.

IT'S JUST IN CASE.

COME ON.

SIR.

SIR, MY NAME IS JACK ALBANY.

I AM HERE OSTENSIBLY TO OFFER YOU SOME LEFTOVERS,

BUT I AM NOT REALLY WITH THE CATERING SERVICE.

ACTUALLY... ACTUALLY, I'M CHARGED WITH KILLING YOU.

NOW, DON'T TURN AROUND, AND DON'T SHOW ANY SURPRISE.

NOW, I ASSURE YOU, I AM NOT GOING TO KILL ANYBODY,

BUT JUST BEHIND THOSE KITCHEN DOORS...

SIR, I AM TRYING TO TELL YOU...

THAT THERE'S A TOMMY GUN TRAINED ON US THIS VERY MOMENT.

SIR?

JUST MY LUCK. A DEAF GUARD.

SIR.

GOOD WORK, ACE. I NEVER HEARD A SOUND.

COME ON. WE'LL GO CHECK ON THE OTHER GUARD,

AND THE BOYS CAN GO TO WORK ON THAT PAINTING.

WELL, COME ON, ACE. TIME'S A-WASTIN'.

- NO. - WHAT'S GOT INTO YOU, ACE?

I'VE HAD ENOUGH! AND ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

ACE?

EVERYBODY STAY WHERE YOU ARE! [ Florian ] HE'S FLIPPED!

- I GOT A HEAT! - HE'S FLIPPED, OR IT'S A LOUSY DOUBLE CROSS!

EVERYBODY GET IN THAT KITCHEN. YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY!

MOVE, OR I'LL LET YA HAVE IT!

I SAID MOVE!

GET HIM!

HOLD IT! FLORIAN, FINGERS, GET ON THE PAINTING.

SPLIT UP!

AND LOOK OUT FOR THE OTHER GUARD.

YOU TAKE THIS SIDE HERE.

OKAY.

BOBBY? YEAH. WHAT?

DID YA HEAR SOMETHIN'? I DON'T KNOW, HEY.

- SEE ANYTHING, BOBBY? - YEAH. STATUES ALL OVER THE PLACE.

IT GIVES ME THE CREEPS, HEY.

WHAT'S THAT?

- COWBOY, HE'S OVER HERE! - WHERE! WHERE!

THIS WAY!

WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

[ Grunts ] HELP!

HELP! BOBBY!

HERE! HERE! WHAT ARE YA DOIN' IN THERE?

I DON'T KNOW! GET ME OUTTA HERE!

BOBBY! OHH!

OH, BOY! SAVED! YOU GOTTA HELP ME!

THEY'RE AFTER ME, AND THEY'RE GONNA KILL ME!

YOU GOTTA GET HELP! [ Grunts ]

WHAT'D I DO? WHAT?

EVERYTHING I TOUCH, I KILL.

I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE SOMEWHERE.

I'M GONNA FIND YA, KILLER-MAN.

AH... AH-CHOO!

HERE'S THE BIG KILLER-MAN, EXCEPT YOU'RE NOT THE BIG KILLER-MAN, ARE YA?

HOLD IT.

- THIS ARROW'S TIPPED WITH A DEADLY POISON. - YOU'RE A FUNNY MAN.

YOU WON'T THINK IT'S SO FUNNY WHEN I LET GO OF IT.

THE REAL ACE WILLIAMS IS IN THE CELLAR AT JOE'S PLACE.

YEAH. I'M THE GUY THAT PUT HIM THERE.

[ Laughing ] THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A WHILE!

DON'T COME ANOTHER STEP.

I'M WARNIN' YA!

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

THERE HE GOES, FRANK! AFTER HIM!

[ Bobby ] OH, THEY GOTTA BE KIDDIN', HEY.

ALL RIGHT. SPREAD OUT.

[ Screams ]

- IS THAT YOU, COWBOY? - [ Bobby ] WHAT HAPPENED?

I JUST FELL OVER A HOT DOG.

[ Chuckling ]

[ Laughing ]

YEAH.

SORRY, PAL. HEY.

HEY!

[ Strobe Snaps ] HEY! OOH!

[ Bell Rings ]

HEY.

HEY.

[ Laughing ] [ Crash ]

♪♪ [ Carousel Music ]

- COME ON! GET HIM! - [ Bobby ] JUST HOLD STILL A SECOND!

I'M COMIN'!

[ Frank ] SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET HURT!

[ Cowboy ] GET A HOLD OF HIM, BOBBY!

[ Frank ] HEY, BOBBY, HOLD ONTO HIM!

DOGGONE YOU, ACE! I GET A HOLD OF YOU, I...

[ Jack ] GET AWAY FROM ME!

I'M GONNA GET YA, KILLER-MAN!

[ Grunts ] HELP, HEY! HELP!

WHA... I'M GETTIN' DIZZY!

- [ Frank ] THERE'S NO WAY OUT NOW! - OOH!

I GOT HIM! I GOT HIM!

[ Grunts ] YOU LOST HIM, BOBBY!

COWBOY, GRAB HIM!

[ Cowboy ] DOGGONE YOU, ACE! I CAN'T GET HOLD OF HIM!

- I-I CAN'T STAND HEIGHTS! - [ Cowboy ] I'M GONNA GET YOU!

COME ON, FRANK!

[ Cowboy ] OUCH! HEY, CUT THAT OUT!

I GET A HOLD OF YOU, I'M GONNA SQUASH YOU, ACE!

- [ Frank ] GET HIM, BOBBY! - I LOST HIM, HEY!

[ Frank ] BOBBY, HOLD ONTO HIM!

[ Cowboy ] I'M GONNA GET YOU...

NEXT TIME AROUND, ACE!

DOGGONE IT! HOLD STILL!

- [ Frank ] YOU MIGHT GET HURT! - GRAB HIM!

TAKE A HOLD OF HIM, BOY!

GET HIM OUTTA... HEY! HEY! HEY, YOU! [ Alarm Ringing ]

- [ Cowboy ] HEY, YOU'RE GETTIN' US ALL WET! - [ Shouts ]

HEY, LOOK OUT! [ Shouting ]

[ Alarm Continues ]

OH. EXCUSE ME.

[ Alarm Continues ]

- [ Exhales ] - THERE HE IS! ALL RIGHT, ACE!

STOP CALLIN' ME ACE WILLIAMS! MY NAME'S JACK ALBANY!

HE'S FLIPPED HIS WIG! HE'S CRAZY!

WELL, LET'S GET HIM!

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS, THAT'S IT. GET YOUR HANDS UP.

[ Garage Door Opens ]

HOW'D IT GO, ACE? OH, JUST GREAT.

WELL, OPEN UP AND LET ME SEE. AH, THERE'S ONE THING.

WELL, WE BROUGHT YOU A PICTURE, BUT NOT THE ONE YOU ORDERED. WHAT?

ME AND THE BOYS THOUGHT THERE WAS SOME BETTER STUFF.

YOU AND THE BOYS? YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU, SUDDENLY ART CRITICS?

WE FIGURED IF YOU SAW THIS, YOU'D PICK IT EVEN OVER "SUNFLOWERS."

IT'S CALLED POP ART.

I SEND YOU TO GET THE "FIELD OF SUNFLOWERS," AND YOU BRING ME THIS JUNK.

WHY, THAT AIN'T LIKE YOU, JOE. NARROW-MINDED ABOUT ART?

- I'LL KILL YOU! - DON'T MAKE A MOVE!

WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE? WHO ARE YOU?

WHAT'S THIS TRUCK DOING IN MY WAREHOUSE?

YOU KNOW, THIS IS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY, OFFICER.

I'VE GOT CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS.

- C'EST LA GUERRE, JOE. - [ Sirens Wailing ]

OKAY, LET'S CLEAN THIS PLACE OUT.

JACK! HEY!

YOU'RE... I'M CHIEF GRAYSON, MR. ALBANY.

I WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON A JOB WELL DONE. THANK YOU.

IF YOU KEEP SHAKIN' HANDS, I'LL GET A PICTURE.

AH, YES, SIR. MIGHTY FINE PERFORMANCE.

HEH. EXCUSE ME.

I HAVE TO CALL MY AGENT.

WHAT? AND GET A PUBLICIST!

DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS COULD DO TO MY CAREER?

I'LL SELL THE STORY TO HOLLYWOOD AND STAR IN IT MYSELF!

WHERE'S THE PHONE?

WELL, AREN'T YOU COMIN'? I NEED YA.

YOU SURE DO. [ Chuckling ]