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I don't know where it came from but...

Full songs just started... coming in my mind,

I'm not sure where they came from exactly.

I'm sure part of it was the chaos

of everything around me...

but...

Before I met Anton, I actually never considered myself...

to be an artist,

I never... had a label for it,

I didn't think about it...

It's weird, from the moment I met Anton

I felt so connected to him.

There was something behind his eyes.

I knew that him and I would be connected for a very long time.

When I first met Kate, I didn't know who I was.

She pushed me silently, I pushed her vocally.

From the moment our eyes met,

it was like looking at myself in the mirror.

I saw in her what I didn't see in myself.

And I think she saw the same...

When Keith entered our life...

He completed us.

She's kind of like a tree,

and Anton and I are like the fruit.

And we grow together.

Hopefully, we'll fall and make our own trees.

The three of us together, for me that was...

the most amazing...

part of my life.

He's waiting, he is...

To steal you down... until your body, it comes.

And the day grows faster...

but you can't put out the never...

I awoke to the raven.

Well, if you want to know,

your mother's quite busy these days,

she's still involved with the church and planning

your grandmother's retirement party.

I hope you will come.

So, what have you been doing?

We haven't heard much from you lately.

Been working on my music, and my poetry...

Your poetry?

And what does that pay?

Are you listening?

It is time for you to get a job.

Look at the people you run with.

All these musicians, freaks, weirdos, faggots!

I'm gay too.

I like boys and girls.

Your mother would die if she heard that.

You're sick.

Are you on drugs?

Tell me the truth. Are you?

You're making poor and dangerous choices

you will regret for the rest of your life.

If that's what you want to do, don't bother coming home.

Don't call me.

Don't call your mother.

We don't want to know.

The Center for Disease Control has uncovered

disturbing new evidence of the epidemic's reach.

Formerly known as Gay Related Immune Deficiency or GRID...

AIDS weakens the immune system,

leaving its victims open to common infections

like tuberculosis, pneumonia as well as rare forms of cancer.

At risk groups include

homosexuals, hemophiliacs, and intravenous drug users.

Health care is a right.

Medicine is a right. Dignity is a right.

At this point, we have had 1.6 billion dollars

allocated for AIDS education and AIDS research.

We have been asking for more money

for residential care of the two million Americans

that are HIV positive.

At this point that has not occurred...

As a NYPD Narcotic's detective

I'm out on the streets every day.

I can't really get too close,

because I don't want to get their saliva.

I just tell them to go against the wall.

"Spread your arms, spread your legs..."

But I have two daughters

and I can't have them go to the park anymore.

There are syringes, there are drug dealers,

there are homeless people here.

And you know I heard that people can catch AIDS

by sneezing on other people.

They say it's transmitted through like saliva,

and blood and sweat.

I can't take that chance with my kids.

The virus has been causing

widespread panic across the U.S.,

where over 4,000 people have been infected

since the discovery of the disease in 1981.

Almost half have died.

This is an epidemic.

How many more need to die before you do something about it, huh?

It could be your brothers, your sisters, your aunts,

your uncles, your fathers, your mothers, your sons,

your daughters.

It will be them next. Do something, make it happen.

Make a change, make a difference.

All right? You're OK?

The virus is completely unprecedented.

It compromises the immune system of the patient

and opens them up to

a wide range of complications.

It's not easy to describe

because the medical community has a lot to learn from it.

We have more questions than answers at this stage.

Since no one knows how the virus is transmitted,

we can't tell you how not to catch it.

You just can't stay away from this or that.

We just need to keep researching and make sure

that our patients receive appropriate care.

That's all we can do for now.

- Doctor, you're needed in... - I got it, thank you.

I started volunteering when my brother told me he got it,

unfortunately so... There's not much we can do.

Basically, we help the patient to die.

We try our best to make them comfortable.

There's been a lot of people coming through the door lately,

but we really don't have a place for them.

We only have so many beds in this hospital, and...

I'm sorry, I have to get back to work.

"Dark and wrinkled, like a purple pink.

It breathes, nestling humbly amongst the still-damp.

Froth of love, follow the gentle slope

of the white buttocks all the way to the crater's edge.

Filaments like tears of milk have wept

for the cruel wind, which pushes them back,

across the little clots of reddish marl

they lose themselves

in the same slope that called them.

My dreams have kissed its opening.

My soul, jealous of physical coitus,

has made it its fawn-coloured tear-bottle

and nest of sobs.

It is the rapturous olive and the wheedling flute,

The tube from which the heavenly burnt almond falls:

Feminine Canaan enclosed among moistures."

Hey!

How are you today?

I'm OK.

The nurses want more blood from me.

They're like vampires.

Do you want me to go get somebody?

No, no, it's OK. I'm used to waiting.

Are they always this slow here?

Well they don't have enough staff

for all the patients, so...

We wait.

- Who's that? - It's Jim.

Is he nice?

Yeah. He seems nice.

He's worse off than me,

that's all I really know about him.

It's so ugly here.

I wish I could paint the walls for you or something.

Yeah, more colours.

We should graffiti them.

You should...

Oh I brought you some something.

Colours.

- Sorry. - It's OK.

Do you remember that?

Yeah!

Shit!

You know what the Jews say:

"Why does shit always happen to us?"

So you're Jewish now?

And the Catholics say,

"If shit happens, then we deserve it."

You're not Catholic either.

And the Buddhists say,

"If shit happens, then it really isn't shit anymore."

So you're a Buddhist then?

No. They feel great.

I feel like shit, Kate.

I know.

I'm sorry.

How is everyone?

How's Tony?

I don't know. I haven't seen him.

What about John?

I'm not sure.

What about Damian?

I saw Damian.

Like a couple weeks ago.

He good?

Yeah, he's OK.

Good.

I missed you.

I missed you too.

I miss Anton too.

Where is he?

I don't know,

I think he's just working all the time now.

I should be working.

Yeah... well...

I have to go,

but I'm gonna come back in a couple of days, OK?

OK.

- I love you. - I love you too.

Okay.

I'll see you soon.

Several cases of the disorder

have appeared in straight,

otherwise healthy, hemophiliacs

that receive regular blood transfusions.

As a result, health officials are sending out

a national alert to doctors and patients.

Blood banks and hospitals may be using infected blood.

They don't know what they're talkin' about.

If you're doing undercover work

and you're gonna wear gloves and a mask...

You never know... A junkie can come from behind you,

he can hit you...

If you've ever been in a fight, you know how he goes.

He punches you in the face, he cuts his hands,

he cuts your face,

you've got blood on blood and you're fucked.

It starts out as a small purple lesion,

similar to a bruise or an insect bite.

Then it becomes a sarcoma on the skin

or you get pneumonia.

Then it becomes more aggressive.

Lesions appear everywhere on the body

and inside the mouth.

Well... Here I am,

back in the Hospital again.

Another day,

another ward.

It's February and it's cold.

And I'm wondering Am I gonna see another winter?

They say I got AIDS from a blood transfusion.

From a hemophilia.

And the nurse,

she says I still have some options left

to try and beat this thing but...

I don't believe her.

I just wait.

I sleep when I can but it's never... really great.

You know it reminds me of my old dog before he died.

It took months...

- Harold! - Ma chérie!

Delightful to see! How was Berlin?

Berlin was kicky! Loved it! Loved it!

Welcome back!

Did you finally get a chance to see David?

There is life on Mars.

Ah! He's fabulous, isn't he?

Thank you so much for coming.

Sweetheart.

You're the most beautiful girl in the room,

you gotta better be careful.

I might attack you.

I would hope so,

I wouldn't miss your party for the world.

It wouldn't be a party without you.

Françoise!

I'm so glad cause I was so worried.

I hope he gets out alive, because that man...

Do you model as well?

Make sure we get some pictures of him.

Yeah...

Francisco?

Francisco? Yes?

This is Anton Simon.

He's a photographer.

Anton. It's lovely to meet you.

Kate and Keith.

Ah, friends of Anton.

Models too.

Hello...

You're having fun? It's good to see you.

He's having a pretty good time.

Any friend of Anton's is a friend of mine.

Pleasure meeting you, I hope that...

I understand you're very talented.

Thank you.

Perfect.

Give me your head to your knees, please.

Beautiful!

Stay just like that.

You would look up towards the light...

...Because they are unsigned,

I can't sell you a piece of work

that isn't signed by the artist.

I understand that you're upset but it is out of my control.

Yes, the London Gallery called

but it doesn't make a difference.

OK, what I'm gonna do,

is after I get off the phone with you,

I'm gonna call the artist again.

But honestly he's been extremely difficult to get a hold of.

OK, thank you for your patience.

Have a good one.

So, basically, we have the buyer but we can't sell the piece.

Because it isn't signed by the artist.

It's becoming a really big problem

because his work is really hot right now.

If you still can't find him I suggest asking Harold Sherer.

He might know.

Harold's an art collector.

He mentored Simon.

He schooled him in art history.

He could speak about his work.

He might know where he is.

But I can show you some of his collection.

Like this one.

Doesn't it never remind you

of the Renaissance sculptures of Michelangelo?

Or this one.

Look at the skin.

See the texture?

It's beautiful.

Yes, the portfolio's from the artist.

And he sent them to New York, already...

And he will be sending them to London

and to Paris next week.

Yes, that is correct.

OK, thank you very much for calling, goodbye.

I'm ready.

Well, I could see right away he was uniquely talented but...

Anybody could.

I don't want to get him into any trouble but...

we had a lot of fun.

He was very entertaining, and...

there was something magnificent about him.

So we hit it off, and...

I introduced him to a few people.

And he was on his way.

I could tell from his work

he was probably on to something pretty big.

He was pretty unpolished when we met,

in fact he was really living like a homeless person.

I haven't seen him for a while.

It'd be nice to see him, again.

Well...

I love Anton...

I miss him.

Could you take care of this?

Hello?

Yes.

Yes, yes one moment please.

It's the airlines. They're calling again.

Tell them I'll call them back.

Yes, hello? Yes, I'm sorry...

I probably shouldn't tell you this, but...

I'm trying to arrange a flight to Paris

to the Pasteur Institute

for myself and for some friends, and...

We're running into some difficulties

because the airlines don't like

to fly people with infections.

So I may have to charter a private 737.

I always loved Paris in the Winter.

OK?

He's always...

like to follow the dark side, really.

I have to say he's worshipped excess.

But I'll...

I'll let Anton know,

you're trying to get in touch with him.

Can I get an ash tray? Please.

Are we OK like this?

You never know why a still image is happening.

It's like magic.

A moment is frozen in time forever,

and it'll stay that way long after you die...

Is someone coming into the door?

We're trying to do an interview here.

I suppose you want to speak about

the "homoeroticism" of my work?

It's a driving force...

An inspiration...

But the "official" gay community

doesn't have much use for my work.

They find it... too extreme.

"Why would you represent this?"

They asked, and...

I'm only carrying on classical traditions

depicting both the beautiful and...

destructive sides of human nature.

It's like...

"The Massacre of Saint Sebastian."

I remember when I first started taking photographs.

I had no idea it would lead me to any...

particular aesthetic vision, or...

creative process.

I just snapped these photos of my friends, and it became...

I miss the time when I had no vision,

no self-consciousness,

when innocence was a part of the process.

Because... for me,

without innocence,

there is no experience.

"The moon, who is caprice itself,

looked through the window

while you were sleeping in your cradle,

and said to herself: 'That child pleases me.'

And softly she descended her staircase of clouds

and noiselessly passed through the Windows-panes.

It was while contemplating this visitor

that your eyes became so bizarrely large,

and your cheeks extraordinarily pale.

And ever so gently she clasped your neck

and you have forever retained the desire to weep..."

However, in the expansion of her joy,

the Moon filled the room like a phosphorescent vapour,

like a luminous poison;

and all the living light thought and said:

'You shall suffer for ever the influence of my kiss.

You shall be beautiful in my fashion.

You shall love that which I love and that which loves me..."

I'm investigating new treatments...

The Pasteur Institute,

we have a vaccine that's ready in two years,

maybe sooner for experimental cases like mine.

At this point I will take just about anything.

Reminds me of all the drugs I used to take at the club.

Without the fun of course.

I feel like a monkey in a lab...

Waiting for my next injection.

There you are!

Ah!

They sent me to the wrong room at first.

- How are you today? - Better.

Feel good? You look good.

I have been so busy lately.

Yesterday, after work, I had to stop and get groceries

and who do you think I met?

Remember Mary? Our old neighbor.

Oh my god, what a gossip!

She was telling me all about everybody's business

like I really cared.

She must have had my ear for maybe an hour!

Then I had to go home

and tidy up the house a little bit before I left.

And I just got here late last night.

And here I am.

Are they still giving you medicine in this IV?

Yeah.

Hope it's going out.

So how's the food here?

Is it like mine?

Not as good.

Um... I do have to tell you,

I stopped at church on the way,

and I said a prayer for you.

Honey, you are gonna beat this pneumonia.

I know it.

OK? You're gonna beat it.

Oh, your dad says hello.

Yeah. He's on a business trip as usual.

Hey, how do you like my new shirt?

You like the colour?

I like it.

Then my sister called

and she was telling me that new dog they got,

it's still not housebroken.

Could you believe that?

How do they put up with it?

Right? That's why I never got you a dog.

I'm sorry.

But cats are easier, don't you think?

I love cats.

Yeah. Me too.

This place isn't so bad.

Could use a coat of paint, right?

Oh honey, I'm gonna have to be going home tomorrow.

Okay.

I couldn't get anyone to water my plants

and I'm afraid they're gonna die.

This winter's been really bad...

Yes, the signing is today.

Yes, we do have a few left. One moment...

Yeah, he's here right now.

OK, great.

Yes, one moment...

Yes, it's here.

It's 16 by 24...

Hello?

Yes, we're hoping to be at the armory.

Can you possibly call back on Monday?

Yes, we're hoping to go to the armory

Honestly, if could call back on Monday,

I can give you a better answer.

Cause he's actually in here right now. He's here today.

Portfolio of five.

Great, one moment!

If you can call back on Monday that actually would be easier.

He's actually here right now doing a signing.

Do you wanna to go for a walk?

Hello?

Yeah, actually he just left.

Yes, one moment.

There's something I never told you.

Yeah?

The first time I saw you wasn't in that bookshop.

Really?

I found a picture of you in a trash can on St. Mark's.

I knew I was gonna see you again.

I'm glad you did.

In ten years,

if we're both still single,

we should have a baby.

If you could just wait here for a minute?

I'm gonna check him, OK?

Uh...

If you could just give us about... five minutes?

That'll be OK?

Ah!

This is a photo I wanted to show you before.

No one would ever imagine...

he would shoot a woman.

But he did,

in a good way...

She used to come to...

my parties with some other friends.

Sorry, he's getting really tired.

I'm not tired...

I'm angry.

I...

I know why... you're here.

You probably heard...

one of my boyfriends is suing me.

He will get a million dollars...

for "emotional distress"...

because I might have exposed him to AIDS.

Bullshit!

He tested negative!

He used to be the life of the party...

And he had so many friends...

from all walks of life.

And, and I felt like...

the luckiest person in the whole world...

to be in a place like that...

and to be with someone like him,

someone who...

cared so much about people and art

and so much about his craft.

He's getting sicker every day.

And, he can barely move a muscle in his body, so...

I'm the only one here.

There's no one else coming.

Um... I think we should let him rest.

So, if you guys don't mind... I'll just show you out.

He's playing the music.

Hate the fear

I'm so lonely

Against the wall

Lost in the night

Now so clear

Dead ends on fire

I gotta breathe into fight

Screaming and shaking I'm a gunned down believer

But I'm still ready for war

I stand back, watch the world burn

Ashes and blood of the whore

Do you remember the high

The down, the low that took us to the outside?

But now the Angel I see

Will take away from you and me the heaven

So here I come with my one last trick

No one sees me in your eyes

I'm just a theft and you heart will be broken

Rise from the fruits of my lies

Do you remember the high

The down, the low that took us to the outside?

But now the Angel I see

Will take away from you and me the heaven

But no I won't, I won't I won't, I won't believe them

Oh no I don't, I don't I don't, I don't believe them

Stay alive darling

I don't wanna see you die

I'm on your side honey

No, no, no, we'll be together

I will see you

I will see you

I will see you

A-ya-a-ya-a-ya-a-ya

I will see you

I will see you

I will see you

A-ya-a-ya-a-ya-a-ya

We use to smile, use to love this town

Good men, my friends

This running poison will kill you down,

but I know it's not the end

Do you remember the high

The down, the low that took us to the outside?

But now the Angel I see

Will take away from you and me the heaven

But no I won't, I won't I won't, I won't believe them

Oh no I don't, I don't I don't, I don't believe them

But no I won't, I won't I won't, I won't believe them

Oh no I don't, I don't I don't, I don't believe them

Stay alive

Stay alive darling

I don't wanna see you die

I'm on your side

Oh no, no, we'll be together

I will see you

I will see you

I will see you

What happened to your friend?

You're OK like this?

Never been better.

Those drugs are pretty strong.

You know Darwin says:

"We all came up from shit."

"And we'll all go back to it."

It's in the Bible.

I'm ready, Kate.

Ready for what?

I know where I'm going.

You're not going anywhere.

You just to rest. I brought you something.

It's a gift from Anton and myself.

Oh God... He looks like a shit too!

"Always"...?

I'll always be there...

Give me a kiss?

Um... I'm gonna go, I'll see you soon, OK?

No.

Just say... Just say goodbye, now.

You're gonna be OK.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

"Thy soul shall find itself alone

Mid dark thoughts of the gray tombstone

Not one, of all the crowd, to pry

Into thine hour of secrecy."

"Be silent in that solitude,

Which is not loneliness..."

"...for then, the spirits of the dead

who stood In life before thee

are again in death around thee..."

"...and their will shall overshadow thee, be still."

"...The night, though clear, shall frown,

and the stars shall not look down

from their high thrones in the Heaven..."

"...With light like hope to mortals given,

But their red orbs,

without beam,

To thy weariness shall seem...

"...As a burning

and a fever Which would cling

to thee forever.

Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish,

Now are visions never to vanish;

From thy spirit shall they pass

No more, like dew-drop from the grass.

The breeze, the breath of God, is still,

And the mist upon the hill Shadowy, shadowy,

yet unbroken,

Is a symbol and a token.

How it hangs on the trees,

A mystery of mysteries!"

I awoke to the raven

I do not sleep

I could not

I came dressed in death

You knew it was coming before I arrived

We're like that, we know

It has to end where it started

You sat in the light

Eyes in the dark

Ready to take it

Ready to surrender

And like that, it has gone

You gave up the ghost right on time

A language only us three could speak

Held us back like racing dogs

So I ran to the church

With no prayers in mind, I shook

In the basement, I shook

In the ground, I shook

We did it though

There is nothing to fear but fear itself

And that no longer exists

For I know my job

It is out of my hands and it is not my choice

I will pay service for all those left in tears

All those without flesh

I won't stay silent

For while the machine is at work

I will fight

You can inhabit my vessel anytime you like

Take the walk

Take the ride

Goodbye my friend

You are in the ether now

Until I join you

I will stay and fight stronger

I won't stay silent

I won't stay silent

Before I met Anton,

I actually never considered myself...

to be an artist, I never...

had a label for it,

I didn't think about it.

Anton was the one that told me...

I was an artist, and I should fight for that

and pursue that in everything that I do...

In 1980, I was never trying to do anything,

It just...

I don't know, being around both of them,

Anton and Keith,

I guess brought something out of me,

but I wasn't sure what it was exactly.

I would sing to myself and write little things, but...

It wasn't until years later, in 84,

when I started losing everyone around me,

and I kind a felt like I had nothing...

left to lose anymore, so...

I don't know where it came from but...

Full songs just started...

coming in my mind,

I'm not sure where they came from exactly.

I'm sure part of it was the chaos

and everything around me... but...

part of me thinks it came from Keith and Anton,

and it came from a place I still don't understand.

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