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1
00:00:12,125 --> 00:00:14,917
We writers
do love our pens.
I had it engraved.
2
00:00:14,917 --> 00:00:17,542
"Y. C. O. M. T."
3
00:00:17,542 --> 00:00:19,041
You Came On My Tits.
4
00:00:19,458 --> 00:00:20,458
(CHUCKLES)
5
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:22,667
That is true.
6
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,041
Merc and I
went ring shopping.
7
00:00:25,041 --> 00:00:27,333
Oh, my God!
For his wife.
8
00:00:27,834 --> 00:00:29,000
I hope this is okay.
9
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,375
I was just on the lot
dropping something off
at Merc's.
10
00:00:31,375 --> 00:00:32,959
(JAMIE MOANING)
11
00:00:34,792 --> 00:00:36,583
Some woman friend-ed me
on Facebook.
12
00:00:36,583 --> 00:00:38,583
She says she knows you
and needs to
get back in touch.
13
00:00:38,583 --> 00:00:40,083
Oh, shit,
is it Labia?
14
00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:41,458
Is that really
how it's pronounced?
15
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:42,792
It's not Lahbia
or Labeea?
16
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,542
Nope. Labia.
As in...
17
00:00:44,875 --> 00:00:47,000
Labia, she's my stalker.
18
00:00:53,542 --> 00:00:55,166
(WIND WHISTLING)
19
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,500
(WIND HOWLING)
20
00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:03,542
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
21
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:29,542
(GUNSHOT)
22
00:01:38,583 --> 00:01:40,500
You're not serious?
Yeah.
23
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,375
You believe in Bigfoot?
Yep.
24
00:01:42,834 --> 00:01:44,166
Bigfoot!
25
00:01:44,166 --> 00:01:45,750
I'm telling you, there's
too much evidence
26
00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:47,041
for it just to
be a hoax!
27
00:01:47,041 --> 00:01:49,959
Oh, dear God.
Are we including
yeti in this?
28
00:01:49,959 --> 00:01:51,500
No, yeti are bullshit.
29
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:53,125
Of course.
30
00:01:53,125 --> 00:01:56,083
There was this really
interesting documentary about
it on the Sci Fi Channel.
31
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,917
Always a good source for
factual information.
32
00:01:57,917 --> 00:01:59,166
The Sci Fi Channel's good.
33
00:01:59,166 --> 00:02:00,792
You do know
what the "fi"
stands for?
34
00:02:02,458 --> 00:02:06,709
Anyway,
they had actual footage that
could not be disputed.
35
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:08,458
Seriously.
They had experts
36
00:02:08,458 --> 00:02:11,250
who examined the film
and they all said,
without question...
37
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:14,291
Hello?
38
00:02:15,625 --> 00:02:16,959
Don't turn around...
39
00:02:17,709 --> 00:02:19,083
I said don't
turn around!
40
00:02:19,542 --> 00:02:21,041
Why is it
the minute you say
"Don't turn around,"
41
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:21,875
the first thing
people do...
42
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,250
Okay, okay,
I'm not turning.
43
00:02:25,291 --> 00:02:26,125
Is it Bigfoot?
44
00:02:27,834 --> 00:02:29,291
There's a girl over there,
45
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:31,291
who keeps looking at me.
46
00:02:34,625 --> 00:02:36,792
Relax. Is she hot?
47
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:41,083
Pretty hot, yeah.
48
00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:44,333
Looks familiar.
Maybe she's an actress.
49
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,792
I swear to God...
50
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,041
All right,
she's not looking.
Quick, turn around.
51
00:02:50,041 --> 00:02:51,458
But be very nonchalant.
52
00:02:53,959 --> 00:02:55,000
(GROANS)
53
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,250
What the hell
are you doing here?
54
00:02:57,250 --> 00:02:59,917
I said be nonchalant!
That's totally chalant!
55
00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:03,417
Hi.
500 feet, Labia!
500 feet!
56
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:04,667
Yeah, I don't carry
a tape measure.
57
00:03:04,667 --> 00:03:07,125
Maybe you should!
Oh right,
she's your...
58
00:03:07,125 --> 00:03:08,709
From Facebook.
You're his... Yes.
59
00:03:09,166 --> 00:03:10,750
How did you
even know
I was here?
60
00:03:11,333 --> 00:03:12,542
Have you been
following me again?
No.
61
00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:14,291
He posted it on his page.
62
00:03:15,709 --> 00:03:17,166
I may have
updated my status.
63
00:03:17,583 --> 00:03:19,417
You said you were
gonna un-friend her.
64
00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:21,583
I don't know how.
It's so easy.
65
00:03:21,583 --> 00:03:24,166
You just click on Account and
then you click Edit Friends...
66
00:03:24,166 --> 00:03:27,709
No. No, no, no, you're
not going to become
his IT person.
67
00:03:27,709 --> 00:03:29,166
Now just go.
But I'm still...
68
00:03:29,166 --> 00:03:31,208
Take it with you!
Eat it for dinner!
I don't give a shit.
69
00:03:31,208 --> 00:03:33,041
Just go!
Or I'm gonna call the cops
70
00:03:33,041 --> 00:03:34,041
and you know I'll do it.
71
00:03:34,041 --> 00:03:35,709
Okay, I'm going.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
72
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:39,250
(CHUCKLES)
73
00:03:40,291 --> 00:03:41,500
What?
No. It's just
74
00:03:42,709 --> 00:03:44,667
we haven't been this close
since we were in court.
75
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:46,500
Go.
76
00:03:49,083 --> 00:03:52,375
I'll, um, I'll just post
how to un-friend me
on your wall.
77
00:03:52,375 --> 00:03:53,667
Thank you.
78
00:04:01,792 --> 00:04:03,208
CAROL: It's our
fifth anniversary,
79
00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:06,333
and there's
no acknowledgment.
None. Nothing.
80
00:04:07,375 --> 00:04:09,041
When you say
anniversary,
81
00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:11,375
what's it the anniversary
of exactly? I mean,
82
00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:16,041
how'd you figure it?
I go from the night
it actually started.
83
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,583
I was at the
People's Choice Awards.
84
00:04:19,583 --> 00:04:22,041
Faith Hill
had just won, like,
85
00:04:22,041 --> 00:04:24,583
favorite hair or something
equally important,
86
00:04:24,583 --> 00:04:27,041
and I just had
to get out of there.
87
00:04:27,375 --> 00:04:29,083
So I snuck outside,
88
00:04:29,083 --> 00:04:31,750
luckily, I happened to have
a joint in my bag.
89
00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:35,000
Put there by the
marijuana elves?
How great would that be?
90
00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:36,250
Anyway,
91
00:04:36,750 --> 00:04:40,417
I light up, and just then,
who walks out.
92
00:04:41,709 --> 00:04:43,166
Merc.
Right.
93
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:46,417
And I'm like, oh shit,
it's my boss.
94
00:04:46,917 --> 00:04:48,750
But he's totally cool,
95
00:04:48,750 --> 00:04:51,917
and he goes,
"Can I get a hit
off that doobie?"
96
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:56,417
And I'm like, "Um, yeah,
you can have a hit
off that doobie!"
97
00:04:56,959 --> 00:04:58,959
It's like
Bogart and Bacall.
98
00:04:59,959 --> 00:05:02,917
Anyway, we get
pretty baked.
99
00:05:04,291 --> 00:05:06,959
Then after the show,
we're both waiting
for our cars
100
00:05:06,959 --> 00:05:10,667
and his limo
doesn't show up.
So he turns to me and goes,
101
00:05:10,667 --> 00:05:12,166
"Can I come in yours?"
102
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:17,125
And I just
look him straight
in the eye.
103
00:05:17,458 --> 00:05:20,333
I still can't believe
I said it and I go,
104
00:05:21,208 --> 00:05:23,291
"Oh, you can
come in mine."
105
00:05:23,291 --> 00:05:25,709
(BOTH GASP)
What?
106
00:05:26,333 --> 00:05:28,333
Not exactly
"You complete me," but...
107
00:05:30,291 --> 00:05:33,417
(GROANS)
It was the best night ever.
108
00:05:35,542 --> 00:05:37,250
But it's been
five years and
109
00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:39,000
where the hell
are we? I mean,
110
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,458
I know that he loves me.
But so what?
111
00:05:42,625 --> 00:05:46,417
I always come second,
it's always on his terms.
112
00:05:46,417 --> 00:05:48,959
And yes, I know,
I know he's married
113
00:05:48,959 --> 00:05:51,333
and she's blind,
and blah, blah, blah,
114
00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:53,291
but so what. You know?
115
00:05:54,458 --> 00:05:56,333
When is it
gonna be my turn?
116
00:05:57,166 --> 00:06:00,709
I just feel like
I'm the only one
making sacrifices here.
117
00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:03,458
(PANTING)
118
00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:05,625
It's fine. It's all good.
119
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:07,834
It's just a...
120
00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:09,834
It's a little steep.
121
00:06:11,291 --> 00:06:12,875
I come from flat.
122
00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:17,750
It doesn't matter.
Nothing's going to change.
123
00:06:21,417 --> 00:06:24,375
Have you talked to him
about any of this?
124
00:06:24,375 --> 00:06:26,208
He's not so much
with the talking.
125
00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:29,667
And I'm not
so much with the
confrontation. So...
126
00:06:31,208 --> 00:06:33,834
Does he even know
it's your anniversary?
127
00:06:34,750 --> 00:06:36,083
Probably not.
128
00:06:36,458 --> 00:06:39,375
God, I'm so pathetic.
129
00:06:40,375 --> 00:06:41,667
(SIGHS)
130
00:06:42,458 --> 00:06:43,875
Disagree with me!
131
00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:45,667
No, uh...
I'm just saying,
132
00:06:46,041 --> 00:06:50,125
you're in this relationship,
too, you're allowed to
ask for what you want.
133
00:06:50,125 --> 00:06:53,583
You probably won't get it,
but you're allowed to ask.
134
00:06:53,917 --> 00:06:55,333
Maybe.
135
00:06:58,041 --> 00:07:00,041
You want to keep going?
136
00:07:00,583 --> 00:07:01,542
No.
137
00:07:11,583 --> 00:07:13,792
Morning. How was
everyone's weekend?
138
00:07:14,083 --> 00:07:16,792
Fairly uneventful,
except...
139
00:07:16,792 --> 00:07:19,125
Oh, that's right,
I met the infamous Labia!
140
00:07:19,125 --> 00:07:20,125
(GASPS)
141
00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:23,250
You did not! Tell me.
142
00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:26,250
Seems perfectly normal.
Sweet, pretty, young.
143
00:07:26,709 --> 00:07:28,333
Tech-savvy.
Oh yeah,
144
00:07:28,792 --> 00:07:30,125
she's the
girl next door.
145
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,375
If you live on
Crazy Street!
146
00:07:33,417 --> 00:07:35,750
How long has she been
stalking you?
147
00:07:35,750 --> 00:07:38,667
Probably,
hmm... 15 years.
148
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,166
Fifteen years?
Yeah.
149
00:07:40,458 --> 00:07:41,959
I met her
when she was like, eight.
150
00:07:42,625 --> 00:07:44,291
She was one of those
Make-A-Wish kids.
151
00:07:44,291 --> 00:07:45,959
Oh, my God.
What?
152
00:07:48,166 --> 00:07:49,917
Friends
was
her favorite show.
153
00:07:49,917 --> 00:07:51,291
And her one last wish
154
00:07:51,583 --> 00:07:55,625
was she wanted Joey
to take her to Disneyland. So,
155
00:07:56,166 --> 00:07:57,417
I took her to Disneyland.
156
00:07:57,417 --> 00:08:00,291
She was a great kid,
very sweet. But then...
157
00:08:02,125 --> 00:08:03,875
She didn't die.
No!
158
00:08:03,875 --> 00:08:04,917
I know.
159
00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:06,083
Well, look,
don't get me wrong,
160
00:08:06,083 --> 00:08:07,458
it's a great organization,
161
00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:09,458
but they really should
check this stuff out.
162
00:08:09,458 --> 00:08:11,583
I mean, come on,
Make-A-Wish,
do your homework.
163
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:13,667
So then?
164
00:08:16,125 --> 00:08:19,166
So then she just kept
living and living.
165
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:21,500
But she was still totally
into me.
166
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:24,250
Cards and e-mails
and calling all the time.
167
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,125
I was nice about it
at first,
168
00:08:26,709 --> 00:08:29,625
but she started showing up
places I was going to be.
169
00:08:29,625 --> 00:08:30,667
I had to get
a restraining order.
170
00:08:31,583 --> 00:08:33,166
Fifteen years!
171
00:08:33,166 --> 00:08:35,250
You never
encouraged her at all?
Never.
172
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,291
Like I said,
I was nice...
173
00:08:38,667 --> 00:08:39,500
How nice?
174
00:08:43,875 --> 00:08:45,333
I slept with her once.
(GASPS)
175
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:46,667
Once!
Oh, God.
176
00:08:46,667 --> 00:08:49,333
In retrospect,
probably a bad idea.
177
00:08:49,333 --> 00:08:51,959
But she was 18,
and really cute,
178
00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:54,000
once her hair grew back.
179
00:08:56,291 --> 00:08:57,750
I believe
you will burn in hell.
180
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,291
Ah,
what're you going to do?
181
00:09:11,709 --> 00:09:14,709
I need to talk to you
about something.
Oh, okay.
182
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,583
Do you know
what this weekend is?
183
00:09:17,583 --> 00:09:19,333
Oh, fuck,
it's your birthday.
184
00:09:20,375 --> 00:09:22,166
My birthday is in January.
...anuary.
185
00:09:23,041 --> 00:09:24,417
Never mind.
No, Wait! Wait, wait,
wait, wait.
186
00:09:24,417 --> 00:09:25,709
Come here. I'm sorry.
187
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,750
Talk to me.
What's this weekend?
188
00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:30,000
Our fifth anniversary.
189
00:09:31,667 --> 00:09:33,542
People's Choice Awards.
Yeah.
190
00:09:34,417 --> 00:09:36,750
Five years. Five years.
191
00:09:38,291 --> 00:09:41,625
And I try to be good.
And I try to make it
easy for you.
192
00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:45,417
But I just, I just,
I reach a point
where I feel invisible.
193
00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:49,083
Seriously, sometimes
it's hard to remember
why I'm even in this thing.
194
00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:50,917
(SHUSHING) Okay.
Listen to me.
195
00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:53,917
What?
What if I can get away
this weekend?
196
00:09:55,166 --> 00:09:56,250
What about Jamie?
197
00:09:57,208 --> 00:09:58,625
I don't know.
Let me see what I can do.
198
00:09:59,458 --> 00:10:02,417
Seriously?
Hey, it's our anniversary.
199
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,875
(CHUCKLES) And definitely
not your birthday.
200
00:10:07,625 --> 00:10:08,583
You're really
gonna try?
201
00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:10,375
I really am.
202
00:10:11,083 --> 00:10:12,417
(SIGHS)
203
00:10:13,291 --> 00:10:14,250
Thank you.
204
00:10:14,709 --> 00:10:17,208
Just knowing that
is enough.
Really?
205
00:10:18,583 --> 00:10:20,041
No. It's not enough.
206
00:10:20,625 --> 00:10:22,125
Make it happen.
207
00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:28,417
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
208
00:10:32,667 --> 00:10:35,834
So in about 85 yards
it dog-legs to the right.
209
00:10:36,709 --> 00:10:37,959
Any traps?
210
00:10:37,959 --> 00:10:40,083
Both sides.
So you want to send it
right down the middle.
211
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:45,083
Nice.
212
00:10:45,417 --> 00:10:46,750
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Sorry. One sec.
213
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:51,959
Hello?
Hey, babe.
214
00:10:52,375 --> 00:10:53,834
Bad news.
What?
215
00:10:54,959 --> 00:10:56,792
I got to go to New York
this weekend.
216
00:10:57,208 --> 00:10:58,834
No! Why?
217
00:10:59,166 --> 00:11:00,458
The big guns
want to see me.
218
00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:02,291
It can't be good.
219
00:11:02,625 --> 00:11:04,500
But we've got tickets
for the Ahmanson.
220
00:11:04,792 --> 00:11:06,625
And Sunday's
the Lupus Walk.
221
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:08,834
Aw, shit!
222
00:11:09,417 --> 00:11:11,333
I can't say no
to these guys.
223
00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:14,750
No, I know.
I just wish they'd give you
a little notice.
224
00:11:15,166 --> 00:11:17,417
When do you have to go?
Friday afternoon.
225
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,125
So you're gonna miss
the ballet, too.
226
00:11:20,542 --> 00:11:21,834
No!
227
00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:23,959
Of all the weekends.
228
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:25,709
It's not your fault.
229
00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:29,959
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
230
00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:34,250
Yo!
231
00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:37,500
Merc has to go to
New York this weekend.
232
00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:41,333
How do you feel about
48 hours of dirty stuff?
233
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,166
You know I love
the dirty stuff.
I do.
234
00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:47,375
Wait, I got the boys
this weekend.
235
00:11:47,375 --> 00:11:48,375
No.
236
00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:50,875
Let me call Diane
and see if she can switch.
237
00:11:50,875 --> 00:11:52,750
Oh, God,
wouldn't it be great?
238
00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:56,834
Two whole days,
no sneaking around,
no checking our watches.
239
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:58,083
We could go away!
240
00:11:58,458 --> 00:12:00,291
Out of town dirty stuff.
241
00:12:00,291 --> 00:12:01,542
Yeah.
242
00:12:01,917 --> 00:12:04,417
There's a foursome coming,
we should let them
play through.
243
00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:06,625
Where are you?
Playing golf.
244
00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:07,875
(CHUCKLES)
No, seriously.
245
00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:09,458
Seriously.
246
00:12:09,458 --> 00:12:11,250
You play golf?
Yeah.
247
00:12:11,542 --> 00:12:12,709
How do you know
where the hole is?
248
00:12:13,375 --> 00:12:16,083
Hey, I never
ask you that question.
249
00:12:16,959 --> 00:12:19,375
And the
dirty stuff begins.
250
00:12:19,875 --> 00:12:20,834
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
251
00:12:21,083 --> 00:12:23,583
Beverly Hills Travel.
WOMAN: Hold for Merc Lapidus.
252
00:12:24,208 --> 00:12:26,792
MERC: Bethany!
Hi, sweetie. I was
thinking about you.
253
00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:29,375
I love that talking dog show,
it's hysterical.
254
00:12:29,375 --> 00:12:30,375
It's not ours.
Oh.
255
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,000
Stop watching it.
Already did. What's up?
256
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,959
I need something
on short notice.
257
00:12:34,959 --> 00:12:36,083
Uh, how short?
258
00:12:36,083 --> 00:12:37,917
This weekend.
I want Cabo.
259
00:12:37,917 --> 00:12:41,291
I want big, I want view,
I want right on the beach.
260
00:12:41,291 --> 00:12:43,250
Blow me away.
I don't care what it costs.
261
00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:46,250
Okay, let me see
what I can do.
Flying out on Friday?
262
00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:49,166
Right.
It's my birthday
on Friday you know.
263
00:12:49,166 --> 00:12:50,792
Ah, happy birthday.
264
00:12:52,041 --> 00:12:53,625
Rona!
265
00:12:53,625 --> 00:12:56,625
It's Bethany's birthday
on Friday. Send her
a fucking something!
266
00:12:59,625 --> 00:13:01,458
WENDY: The Stage
just called.
267
00:13:01,917 --> 00:13:03,458
What did the Stage say?
268
00:13:03,458 --> 00:13:06,417
They said that Morning
called in sick, and she's
going to be out all week.
269
00:13:07,208 --> 00:13:09,875
How does she know
in advance she's going
to be sick all week?
270
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,917
You don't suppose this
is because her part's
been cut down.
271
00:13:13,917 --> 00:13:15,709
Like what, a silent protest
kind of thing?
272
00:13:15,959 --> 00:13:17,750
It's not impossible.
273
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,625
Could you get her
on the phone for us?
Who?
274
00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:26,125
Who we were just
talking about.
275
00:13:26,417 --> 00:13:28,083
Which part?
What?
276
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:30,291
I wasn't really listening.
277
00:13:30,291 --> 00:13:31,458
Did you want me
to listen?
278
00:13:31,834 --> 00:13:33,000
That might be helpful.
279
00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:35,750
Okay.
280
00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:42,917
She still doesn't know
who to call, does she?
No.
281
00:13:50,125 --> 00:13:52,792
What do you say to a
weekend in Cabo?
282
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,125
Are you kidding?
283
00:13:56,542 --> 00:13:58,792
Oh, my God!
284
00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:02,041
How did you do it?
285
00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:03,834
You said make it happen,
I made it happen.
286
00:14:04,125 --> 00:14:07,750
Oh, I gotta start
saying more shit.
Happy anniversary.
287
00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:08,834
Aw.
288
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:12,000
We're going to Cabo.
289
00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:14,458
Cabo, Cabo.
290
00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:22,458
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
291
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:25,166
MATT: Hey, there.
What?
292
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:28,792
Do you think there's
any way you could take
the boys this weekend?
293
00:14:28,792 --> 00:14:29,792
No.
294
00:14:30,041 --> 00:14:31,375
It's just that...
No.
295
00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:32,959
Look, I...
No.
296
00:14:33,375 --> 00:14:35,250
You're always saying you
want to spend more time
with the boys.
297
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,875
Maybe start with the time
you're supposed
to be with the boys.
298
00:14:38,125 --> 00:14:39,333
Move, moron!
299
00:14:39,834 --> 00:14:41,709
I wouldn't ask
if it wasn't important.
300
00:14:41,709 --> 00:14:43,375
(CHUCKLES)
301
00:14:43,709 --> 00:14:45,834
Who is she?
There's no she.
302
00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:48,208
Bullshit.
Are they in the car
with you?
303
00:14:48,208 --> 00:14:51,125
They're watching
"SpongeBob Fuck Face."
They can't hear.
304
00:14:51,125 --> 00:14:52,041
So what's so important?
305
00:14:54,166 --> 00:14:55,709
You know Morning Randolph?
306
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:57,542
No.
307
00:14:58,041 --> 00:14:59,208
She's on my show.
308
00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:00,834
I don't watch your show.
Seriously?
309
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:02,709
It's opposite
that talking dog.
310
00:15:03,083 --> 00:15:05,041
If they change your time slot,
I'll watch your show.
311
00:15:06,083 --> 00:15:07,166
Wow.
312
00:15:07,166 --> 00:15:09,709
So what about
this Morning person?
313
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:12,917
(STUTTERS) She's really sick.
314
00:15:13,542 --> 00:15:15,125
With what?
315
00:15:15,125 --> 00:15:17,792
They don't know. But we're all
trying to rally around her
this weekend.
316
00:15:17,792 --> 00:15:19,375
And they can't
rally without you?
317
00:15:19,375 --> 00:15:22,125
I'm the star. I don't want
to look like a dick.
318
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:23,792
Since when?
(HONKING)
319
00:15:24,583 --> 00:15:27,083
It's still yellow,
asshole! Go!
320
00:15:29,083 --> 00:15:32,208
I'm going to a spa with my
sister this weekend.
321
00:15:32,208 --> 00:15:33,792
It's too late
to get our money back.
322
00:15:33,792 --> 00:15:35,083
I'll pay for your spa.
323
00:15:35,375 --> 00:15:37,291
Come on please,
just help me out here.
324
00:15:38,041 --> 00:15:39,500
(CLICKS TONGUE)
325
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:40,583
(SIGHS)
326
00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:46,208
(PHONE RINGING)
327
00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:49,417
Hello.
I did it.
328
00:15:49,417 --> 00:15:51,250
Good for you.
329
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:53,875
Who is this?
Stop it, you know
three people.
330
00:15:53,875 --> 00:15:55,625
Oh, you should have
seen me.
331
00:15:55,917 --> 00:15:57,458
Oh, you would've
been so proud.
332
00:15:57,458 --> 00:16:01,500
I was strong,
I was assertive, I was all,
333
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:03,041
"Make it happen."
334
00:16:03,041 --> 00:16:04,250
(LAUGHS)
335
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:06,000
Seriously, to his face.
336
00:16:06,291 --> 00:16:09,667
I actually said,
"Make it happen."
And you know what?
337
00:16:10,667 --> 00:16:12,959
He made it happen.
Really?
338
00:16:12,959 --> 00:16:15,834
It works!
Uh-huh, uh-huh,
we're going to Cabo.
339
00:16:16,125 --> 00:16:18,125
I'm not even sure
where Cabo is.
340
00:16:18,458 --> 00:16:22,166
But I don't fucking care,
'cause... (IN MOBSTER VOICE)
I made it happen, see!
341
00:16:23,208 --> 00:16:24,583
Don't do voices.
Okay.
342
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:29,041
Oh, uh, by the way, we may
have a problem with
Morning Randolph.
343
00:16:29,041 --> 00:16:30,375
Oh Jesus, what?
344
00:16:30,709 --> 00:16:34,792
She's supposedly out sick.
But we think it might be about
her part being cut down.
345
00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:35,959
Uh-oh.
346
00:16:35,959 --> 00:16:36,959
Yeah, she's not
answering her phone.
347
00:16:37,208 --> 00:16:39,667
Sean's going over
to her house to
check it out.
348
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:42,750
Well, if it's a problem,
just solve it.
349
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,041
Do it. Make it happen!
350
00:16:45,834 --> 00:16:47,458
Not with me.
Okay.
351
00:16:58,041 --> 00:16:59,625
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
352
00:17:00,917 --> 00:17:02,500
MORNING: Yes.
Hi, it's Sean.
353
00:17:02,959 --> 00:17:04,375
Oh, uh...
(COUGHS)
354
00:17:04,917 --> 00:17:06,125
(IN HOARSE VOICE)
What are you doing here?
355
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:07,417
Why didn't you call?
356
00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:09,709
We tried. You're not
answering your phone.
357
00:17:09,709 --> 00:17:12,000
Bev and I were worried
about you. We wanted to see
how you were feeling.
358
00:17:12,583 --> 00:17:13,959
May I come in?
359
00:17:13,959 --> 00:17:16,375
I may be contagious.
I'll take my chances.
360
00:17:16,375 --> 00:17:19,125
Please open the door.
Okay.
361
00:17:27,208 --> 00:17:28,500
(COUGHING)
362
00:17:30,709 --> 00:17:32,083
Hey, you!
363
00:17:33,208 --> 00:17:34,083
Why are you acting weird?
364
00:17:34,875 --> 00:17:36,625
Not weird.
365
00:17:36,625 --> 00:17:37,917
All right, look me in the eye
and tell me that.
366
00:17:39,583 --> 00:17:41,000
Everything's fine.
367
00:17:41,375 --> 00:17:42,792
Okay, it's not
getting less weird.
368
00:17:42,792 --> 00:17:44,166
(SIGHS)
369
00:17:46,917 --> 00:17:48,458
(NORMAL VOICE)
All right,
370
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:51,000
promise you won't
freak out.
371
00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:52,083
I promise.
372
00:17:55,709 --> 00:17:56,709
(GASPING)
373
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,834
(NERVOUS LAUGHTER)
374
00:18:02,125 --> 00:18:03,333
Beverly Hills Travel.
375
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,750
Bethany,
hi, it's Jamie Lapidus.
376
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:06,917
Oh, hi, sweetie.
What's up?
377
00:18:07,583 --> 00:18:10,583
Look, I totally understand
if it's too late, but,
378
00:18:10,583 --> 00:18:14,208
this weekend, any chance of
something fabulous in Napa?
379
00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:16,750
Napa? So not Cabo?
380
00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:19,875
Cabo? No. I'm sick of Cabo.
I'm thinking Napa.
381
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,583
Okay. Let me see
what I can do.
382
00:18:23,041 --> 00:18:24,792
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
383
00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:30,291
Hello.
JAMIE: How do you feel
about Napa?
384
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:31,750
Love Napa.
385
00:18:32,792 --> 00:18:35,500
Oh, good. I never get to go.
Merc hates it.
386
00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:36,959
How do you hate Napa?
387
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:40,083
He says, "Wine is bullshit."
Classy.
388
00:18:41,875 --> 00:18:43,458
So, where are you now?
In the car.
389
00:18:44,417 --> 00:18:45,375
Please tell me
you're not driving.
390
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:46,750
(CHUCKLES)
391
00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:50,583
I'm sure it's just swollen.
392
00:18:51,166 --> 00:18:52,625
It'll come down.
393
00:18:52,959 --> 00:18:54,959
It already came down.
394
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:57,166
It's a cheek implant!
It's supposed to be up!
395
00:18:58,917 --> 00:19:02,333
Well, can't they fix it?
There's too much trauma
to the tissue.
396
00:19:02,333 --> 00:19:04,375
They can't go back in
for at least two months.
397
00:19:04,709 --> 00:19:06,834
Two fucking
months like this!
398
00:19:06,834 --> 00:19:08,208
Why did you even do it?
399
00:19:08,792 --> 00:19:11,208
I thought
it would help.
Help what?
400
00:19:11,625 --> 00:19:13,583
I don't know,
after last week
401
00:19:13,583 --> 00:19:14,583
and everything
with the show.
402
00:19:15,959 --> 00:19:17,583
Because we're giving
more to the boys?
403
00:19:17,583 --> 00:19:19,375
And less to the
"old" people.
404
00:19:19,667 --> 00:19:20,750
Now I'm totally fucked.
405
00:19:21,041 --> 00:19:23,792
No. No, you're not.
Bullshit.
406
00:19:24,041 --> 00:19:26,542
How can you shoot this?
We will make it work.
407
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,208
Come on,
it's Hollywood!
408
00:19:31,417 --> 00:19:32,792
Really?
Really.
409
00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:35,709
We'll find a way.
410
00:19:35,709 --> 00:19:36,792
I promise.
411
00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:38,709
(SIGHS)
412
00:19:41,208 --> 00:19:42,291
Thank you.
413
00:19:43,333 --> 00:19:45,208
You are so a sweetie.
Ah.
414
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,667
See, I'm totally gross.
415
00:19:49,667 --> 00:19:51,834
No, no, I was afraid to...
Doesn't it hurt?
416
00:19:52,375 --> 00:19:55,125
Are you kidding?
I can't even
feel my face.
417
00:19:55,542 --> 00:19:57,709
I'm on so many pain killers
you could hit me
with a hammer.
418
00:19:58,041 --> 00:19:59,208
Here, poke it.
419
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:02,458
I don't want to
poke it.
Go on, poke it.
420
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:05,458
It's fine. Poke it!
421
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,834
Did you poke it?
I did.
422
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:13,583
See what I mean?
You don't have to worry.
423
00:20:13,583 --> 00:20:14,709
Oh, good.
424
00:20:26,041 --> 00:20:27,333
All right.
425
00:20:31,875 --> 00:20:32,917
Mmm.
426
00:20:33,542 --> 00:20:35,417
All right. All right.
427
00:20:37,083 --> 00:20:39,333
That's great,
thank you. Okay.
428
00:20:40,709 --> 00:20:43,083
Oh, ah, oh,
that's not necessary.
429
00:20:43,083 --> 00:20:44,875
No, I want to.
430
00:20:45,583 --> 00:20:46,500
Okay.
431
00:21:08,709 --> 00:21:10,083
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:
She's coming out
of make-up now.
432
00:21:13,125 --> 00:21:16,792
I thought you said
it wasn't so bad.
It's definitely better.
433
00:21:17,083 --> 00:21:19,875
BEVERLY: She looks like
a Picasso! And not
in a good way.
434
00:21:20,583 --> 00:21:23,959
We can't shoot that.
I promised her
we'd try.
435
00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:27,417
MATT: Holy crap!
436
00:21:28,083 --> 00:21:29,417
Thank you.
437
00:21:29,709 --> 00:21:31,417
What is she,
storing nuts
for the winter?
438
00:21:31,417 --> 00:21:34,417
Seriously. We can't.
Then you tell her.
439
00:21:36,542 --> 00:21:37,583
Is it terrible?
440
00:21:45,709 --> 00:21:46,583
No.
441
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,083
It... It's not that bad.
442
00:21:51,083 --> 00:21:53,625
I'm sure we can
make it work.
443
00:21:54,083 --> 00:21:55,875
Really?
Absolutely.
444
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,500
Why don't you, uh, go over
to the set so we can
see it in the light.
445
00:22:01,208 --> 00:22:02,417
Okay.
446
00:22:05,417 --> 00:22:08,417
(CHUCKLING) Yeah,
'cause light's
gonna help.
447
00:22:10,792 --> 00:22:12,625
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
448
00:22:12,625 --> 00:22:13,792
Beverly Hills Travel.
449
00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:15,333
Uh, Bethany.
450
00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:17,667
Thank you for
my lovely bath oil.
451
00:22:17,667 --> 00:22:19,875
I cannot wait
to go home and soak.
452
00:22:19,875 --> 00:22:21,959
Yeah, whatever.
I'm a little confused here.
453
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:25,500
I'm looking at the stuff
you sent over.
It says Napa.
454
00:22:25,500 --> 00:22:27,166
Right.
What are you
talking about "right"?
455
00:22:27,750 --> 00:22:28,667
Not Napa. Cabo.
456
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,709
But, we changed it.
457
00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:32,542
What are you
talking about?
458
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,083
Well.
459
00:22:34,375 --> 00:22:36,792
Jamie said
she was sick of Cabo.
She wanted Napa.
460
00:22:36,792 --> 00:22:37,834
Wait.
461
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:39,792
You... You told Jamie?
462
00:22:41,166 --> 00:22:42,709
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
463
00:22:43,417 --> 00:22:44,333
I'm sorry, I...
464
00:22:44,750 --> 00:22:48,458
Fuck! Fuck you, Bethany!
Fuck you and your
big fucking mouth!
465
00:22:48,458 --> 00:22:52,000
Um, I don't appreciate
being spoken to like that.
466
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,542
Well, then you're
really gonna hate this.
467
00:22:53,792 --> 00:22:58,542
Fuck you! You ruined my
life, you stupid,
cock-sucking, fucking fuck!
468
00:22:59,250 --> 00:23:00,500
(DIAL TONE)
469
00:23:01,834 --> 00:23:03,166
(SIGHS)
470
00:23:05,208 --> 00:23:06,792
MATT: We gotta talk
about last night.
471
00:23:07,125 --> 00:23:08,917
Last night?
Our little moment.
472
00:23:08,917 --> 00:23:10,208
What moment?
473
00:23:10,208 --> 00:23:11,500
Cheek.
Cut!
474
00:23:11,500 --> 00:23:13,667
There was a moment.
No moments.
475
00:23:14,041 --> 00:23:15,333
Cheek.
Cut!
476
00:23:15,959 --> 00:23:17,250
Sorry.
477
00:23:17,250 --> 00:23:18,917
I don't even know
what moment you think
was a moment.
478
00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:20,500
Cheek.
Cut.
479
00:23:20,875 --> 00:23:22,166
(SIGHS)
480
00:23:23,625 --> 00:23:24,625
Cheek.
Cut.
481
00:23:24,625 --> 00:23:26,000
Cheek. Cheek.
Cut.
482
00:23:26,291 --> 00:23:27,333
Cut.
483
00:23:28,041 --> 00:23:29,041
Cut.
484
00:23:29,291 --> 00:23:30,375
(GROANING)
485
00:23:31,041 --> 00:23:33,542
You totally gave me a look!
I did not!
486
00:23:33,875 --> 00:23:35,333
No moment, no look!
487
00:23:35,625 --> 00:23:37,875
Why don't we just
cover her with a sheet?
488
00:23:38,375 --> 00:23:39,583
You know
what it means?
489
00:23:39,834 --> 00:23:42,458
It means there was a look and
it means there was a moment.
490
00:23:42,709 --> 00:23:43,542
Fine.
491
00:23:44,083 --> 00:23:45,750
Fine, whatever.
492
00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:49,458
It's like
Phantom of the Opera
with hair.
493
00:23:50,417 --> 00:23:51,709
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
MATT: Come in.
494
00:23:53,750 --> 00:23:54,542
Hi.
495
00:23:55,208 --> 00:23:56,125
Thank you.
496
00:23:56,542 --> 00:23:59,125
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, thanks a lot, Robin.
497
00:24:02,208 --> 00:24:05,750
Oh, my God.
We're really doing this.
I know. Pretty great.
498
00:24:06,917 --> 00:24:08,291
You ready?
Uh-huh.
499
00:24:08,750 --> 00:24:10,041
Oh, yes, you are.
500
00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:12,583
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
501
00:24:13,083 --> 00:24:15,250
Oh, don't answer it,
let's just go. Don't answer,
don't answer it.
502
00:24:15,250 --> 00:24:16,750
Hello.
Or you can
answer it.
503
00:24:16,750 --> 00:24:19,792
So I guess Bethany
spoiled my
little surprise.
504
00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:22,667
What?
Oh, listen to you,
"What?"
505
00:24:22,959 --> 00:24:24,834
You know I'm taking
you to Napa.
506
00:24:24,834 --> 00:24:28,333
You're what?
She told me you didn't
want Cabo, that's fine.
507
00:24:28,750 --> 00:24:30,583
What happened
to New York?
508
00:24:30,959 --> 00:24:33,250
Oh, like you ever
believed that.
509
00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:35,959
You're taking me
to Napa?
510
00:24:35,959 --> 00:24:36,792
(INAUDIBLE)
511
00:24:37,041 --> 00:24:38,458
Yeah, Napa.
512
00:24:38,959 --> 00:24:40,625
That's how much
I love you.
513
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,333
Oh, God. Yay.
514
00:24:44,709 --> 00:24:45,750
Yay.
515
00:24:48,542 --> 00:24:50,166
Seriously, what the fuck?
I don't know.
516
00:24:50,458 --> 00:24:52,667
Let me find out
what the fuck.
517
00:24:53,458 --> 00:24:54,750
Beverly Hills Travel.
518
00:24:54,750 --> 00:24:56,041
Bethany, hi,
it's Jamie.
519
00:24:56,291 --> 00:25:00,792
Oh, I'm so sorry! He never
told me it was going
to be a surprise.
520
00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:03,083
Don't worry,
it's all fine.
Tell your husband that.
521
00:25:03,792 --> 00:25:06,041
He called me
a cock-sucking
fucking fuck.
522
00:25:06,291 --> 00:25:09,333
Well, he really
hates Napa.
523
00:25:10,041 --> 00:25:11,000
You think?
524
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,667
So, when did he
first call you?
525
00:25:13,500 --> 00:25:16,333
Uh, Monday. I can't remember.
He was talking about Cabo,
526
00:25:16,333 --> 00:25:19,709
and how he wanted to go,
it had to be short notice. And
it didn't matter what it cost.
527
00:25:19,709 --> 00:25:21,542
It's what I thought.
The reservation
wasn't for me.
528
00:25:22,667 --> 00:25:24,500
It's okay, honey,
it wasn't your fault.
529
00:25:26,166 --> 00:25:27,667
Happy birthday,
by the way.
530
00:25:27,667 --> 00:25:28,625
(BETHANY SOBBING)
531
00:25:30,792 --> 00:25:32,000
Shit.
532
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,417
I can't believe it.
533
00:25:33,667 --> 00:25:35,041
I hate your fucking husband.
534
00:25:35,667 --> 00:25:37,667
I know he's your
fucking husband,
but I hate him.
535
00:25:37,667 --> 00:25:38,542
(LAUGHING)
536
00:25:38,875 --> 00:25:39,959
Thank you.
537
00:25:40,333 --> 00:25:42,125
I'm sorry.
No.
538
00:25:45,250 --> 00:25:47,041
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
539
00:25:50,125 --> 00:25:51,417
Thanks, Peter.
Sure.
540
00:25:55,041 --> 00:25:57,333
Ah, I have two more
calls to make,
541
00:25:57,333 --> 00:25:59,709
and then
I'm ready to... No.
542
00:26:00,417 --> 00:26:02,667
No. No.
543
00:26:03,208 --> 00:26:04,375
Yeah.
What?
544
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:06,375
She found out
about the trip.
545
00:26:06,625 --> 00:26:10,542
I had to make her think
it was for her. Now we're
going to fucking Napa.
546
00:26:11,959 --> 00:26:13,000
Wow!
547
00:26:13,875 --> 00:26:14,834
Perfect.
548
00:26:14,834 --> 00:26:17,834
So, you're celebrating our
fifth anniversary
549
00:26:18,291 --> 00:26:21,709
by taking
your wife to Napa.
550
00:26:22,041 --> 00:26:24,375
Does it help to know
I'm gonna hate
every minute of it?
551
00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:27,208
No. It doesn't help.
552
00:26:27,208 --> 00:26:28,083
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
553
00:26:30,166 --> 00:26:31,542
I can't do this anymore.
554
00:26:31,917 --> 00:26:34,583
Baby...
No. I can't.
555
00:26:35,333 --> 00:26:36,709
No more.
556
00:26:38,125 --> 00:26:39,208
I'm done.
557
00:26:44,291 --> 00:26:46,333
So that's really it?
Seriously?
558
00:26:46,333 --> 00:26:50,208
Yep, I said it
and I meant it.
I deserve better.
559
00:26:50,208 --> 00:26:51,417
Good for you.
560
00:26:51,750 --> 00:26:56,041
It took me five years
to get here, but that's it.
No more. Over and out.
561
00:26:58,291 --> 00:27:00,125
Really?
Probably not.
39456
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