Original subtitles

FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE

BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE?

DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

PROTECTING THE POWERLESS AND THE WEAK

DUCK DODGERS IS FIGHTING TYRANNY

IN THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

- (WHISTLING)

(GRUNTING)

(SIGHS)

- ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE BIGGEST SUB THEY HAD?

- DODGERS, WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY. - I'LL SAY!

I COULD EAT TWO OF THESE SUBS AND STILL BE HUNGRY.

- NO! HUNGORTUS, EATER OF WORLDS,

IS COMING TO EARTH FOR HIS NEXT MEAL.

- HUNGORTUS?! W-WE'RE DOOMED!

- HUNGORTUS? WHO'S THAT?

- DODGERS, HAVE YOU EVER READ A SINGLE PROTECTORATE MEMO?

- MEMO? WHAT'S THAT?

- HUNGORTUS IS AN ALL-POWERFUL MONSTER

WHO FEEDS ON PLANETS.

ONCE HE STARTS EATING, HE DOESN'T STOP

UNTIL THE PLANET IS NO MORE.

- SOUNDS LIKE THIS GUY'S GOT SOME REAL FOOD ISSUES.

NAAH!

- W-WHAT CAN WE DO?

- HAS ANYONE TRIED TALKING TO HIM?

VIOLENCE MAY BE THE BEST ANSWER, BUT IT'S NOT THE ONLY ANSWER.

- N-NO. NO ONE TALKS TO HUNGORTUS

EXCEPT HIS HERALD, THE FLAME VALET.

- FINE. LET'S GO SEE THIS HERALD,

WHATEVER THAT IS,

IMMEDIATELY,

IMMEDIATELY AFTER I FINISH THIS SANDWICH, I MEAN.

IS THIS FLAME FELLA A BAD GUY OR A LAWYER?

- IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?

- THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT, AND THIS TIME, I'LL WIN!

MY SON. HE'S A TEENAGER.

ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'LL GET THROUGH TO HIM

AND BEAT HIM IN COURT!

(SIZZLING)

- OWW!

- SORRY. MY FAULT. SOMETHING TO DRINK,

WATER, COFFEE, TEA?

- THE SEARING PAIN IS PLENTY, THANKS.

- I'LL TAKE A GLASS OF CORN SYRUP!

- FLAME VALET, WE'RE HERE TO...

- OH, PLEASE.

CALL ME ATTORNEY AT FIRE, ESQUIRE.

WHEN PEOPLE HEAR FLAME VALET, THEY ASK ME TO FETCH THEIR CARS,

AND WHEN I DO, THEY DON'T EVEN TIP ME.

IS IT MY FAULT THEIR CARS AREN'T FIREPROOF?

- SOUNDS LIKE A DESIGN FLAW TO ME.

- WE'VE COME TO REQUEST THAT HUNGORTUS NOT EAT EARTH.

- OOH. I CAN'T HELP YOU THERE.

- BUT YOU'RE HIS HERALD, AREN'T YOU?

- YEAH, BUT HE DOESN'T REALLY LISTEN TO ME.

TO BE HONEST, NO ONE DOES.

I'M A TERRIBLE HERALD, AND I'M AN EVEN WORSE LAWYER.

HECK, I NEVER EVEN WENT TO LAW SCHOOL.

I'M WORTHLESS!

- NO ARGUMENT THERE, FIREMAN.

(SOBBING)

- DON'T BE SO HARD ON... OW! MY HAND!

- I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR NAME IS.

I THINK YOU'RE LYING LIKE ALL LAWYERS DO ALL THE TIME.

- NO. I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT.

- COME ON. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.

Y-YOU'RE HIS REPRESENTATIVE.

- THAT'S WHAT A HERALD IS?

I THOUGHT IT MEANT BARBER.

- I DON'T KNOW.

I COULD ADVISE HUNGORTUS TO EAT A DIFFERENT PLANET,

BUT IT WOULD HAVE TO BE CLOSE.

HE'S ON HIS WAY HERE.

YOU KNOW OF A NEARBY PLANET HE COULD EAT?

(BEEP)

- "CITIZENS OF MARS"...OW...

"PLEASE BE ADVISED"...OOH...

"HUNGORTUS WILL BE ARRIVING SHORTLY"...HOT...

"TO EAT YOUR PLANET"...YIPE!

"BEST REGARDS"...MAMA...

"ATTORNEY"...OOH..."AT"...UNH... "FIRE"...OOH..."ESQUIRE."

PAIN!

- WHAT A DAY.

FIRST, SOMEONE STEALS MY SANDWICH,

AND NOW THIS.

- SHALL I SCRAMBLE THE FLEET?

- NO. HUNGORTUS IS TOO POWERFUL.

WE NEED TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE.

- W-WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!

- NO. IT'S WORSE.

MARS RETAINED MY SISTER, COUNSELOR COMBUSTION,

TO CONVINCE HUNGORTUS TO EAT EARTH INSTEAD OF MARS.

- B-BUT YOU CAN HANDLE HER, RIGHT?

- NOPE. SHE WINS EVERYTHING.

- POPPYCOCK!

IF YOU'RE CONFIDENT, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!

LOOK AT ME.

I DON'T THINK I'M GREAT. I KNOW IT.

THAT'S WHY I'M A BILLIONAIRE!

- Y-YOU'RE NOT A BILLIONAIRE.

- I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND

THE DODGERS WAY IN 12 EASY STEPS.

- HUNGORTUS IS ONLY 20 MINUTES AWAY.

- HMM. WE'LL HAVE TO SKIP MOST OF THE STEPS THEN.

EH, IT WILL STILL WORK.

- UH, SIR, YOUR HAND IS ON FIRE.

- I KNOW.

AAH! AAH! AAH! YOWW!

- KEEP THE FLEET CLOSE.

BE PREPARED TO ATTACK HUNGORTUS ON MY COMMAND.

I DON'T TRUST THIS LAWYER TO DO ANYTHING

EXCEPT ROB US BLIND.

- NOR SHOULD YOU.

THE ONLY THING MORE DEVIOUS THAN A LAWYER

IS TWO LAWYERS.

HA HA HA! PRETTY GOOD.

- I'LL HANDLE THE LAWYER JOKES, JOHNSON.

- I WOULDN'T WORRY.

MY BROTHER'S ALWAYS BEEN A LOSER.

WITH OR WITHOUT FIRE, HE'S JUST ANOTHER WEAK, INEFFECTUAL MALE.

- AREN'T THEY ALL?

HA HA HA! - HA HA HA!

- CENTURION, KEEP THE FLEET CLOSE.

HAVE THEM READY TO ATTACK HUNGORTUS ON MY COMMAND.

I DON'T TRUST THIS COUNSELOR COMBUSTION.

- WHY? BECAUSE SHE'S A LAWYER

OR BECAUSE YOU'RE THREATENED BY POWERFUL, INDEPENDENT WOMEN?

YES, SIR. RIGHT AWAY.

- DONALD TRUMP, LOU FERRIGNO, THAT "KNIGHT RIDER" CAR, ME...

ALL WINNERS SHARE CERTAIN TRAITS

LIKE SELFISHNESS, ARROGANCE, AND GREAT TEETH,

BUT THE PATH TO SUCCESS STARTS IN THE SAME PLACE FOR EVERYONE...

THE MIRROR!

IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE,

YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE.

WHOA! YOU LOOK AWFUL.

REMEMBERING PEOPLE'S NAMES WHEN YOU MEET THEM

IS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS!

THE ONLY NAME WORTH REMEMBERING IS YOUR OWN.

NOW MINGLE.

- OHH!

- HOW'S HE SUPPOSED TO LEARN?

- AAH!

I CAN'T B-BELIEVE I DID THAT AGAIN.

- NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND, BUT NOT BAD.

TO BE SUCCESSFUL, YOU HAVE TO LOOK SUCCESSFUL.

IN FACT, IF YOU FIND THE RIGHT SUIT,

YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO WORK AGAIN.

ARE YOU READY?

YOU'RE A NEW MAN. HOW'S IT FEEL?

- ACTUALLY, I FEEL SORT OF THE SAME.

- OH, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW HOW YOU FEEL?

YOU'RE IN SHOCK.

TRUST ME, YOU'RE A BETTER YOU IN EVERY WAY.

YOU'RE PAYING ME FOR THOSE.

DID YOU KNOW HE WAS THAT BIG?

- HE EATS WORLDS. W-WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

- YOU'RE SURE THIS IS SAFE?

- SAFE? WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT SAFE?

- I.Q. - QUEEN.

- DODGERS. - UH, YOU.

- CADET. - C-CENTURION.

- CADET.

- C-CAPTAIN.

- I.Q. - DODGERS!

- WIN A CASE YET, BROTHER?

- MOM THINKS YOU'RE AN AWFUL DAUGHTER.

- YOU'D KNOW. YOU CALL HER 5 TIMES A DAY.

- WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

- YOU'RE A SLAVE TO YOUR WEALTH!

- HA! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WEALTH?

MY SHOES COST MORE THAN YOUR SHIP!

- WELL, I FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS.

- YOU SEE? LAWYERS CAN'T BE TRUSTED,

EVEN THE ONES THAT ARE ON FIRE.

- YOU KNOW, THIS IS A RARE CHANCE

TO STOP HUNGORTUS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

IT'S A SHAME OUR ENTIRE FLEET ISN'T NEARBY,

WAITING TO ATTACK.

- YES. IT'S A SHAME OUR FLEET ISN'T JUST OUT OF VIEW,

READY TO HIT HUNGORTUS

WITH EVERY WEAPON WE HAVE EITHER.

- (GRR)

- YOUR HUNGRINESS, THE QUESTION ISN'T

WHETHER YOU SHOULD EAT EARTH OR NOT.

YOU SHOULDN'T.

NO. THE QUESTION IS, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA EAT MARS,

AND HOW CAN WE HELP YOU?

- FULL SPEED. I WANT THE FIRST SHOT.

- STOMACH GROWLING, EH? BEEN THERE, BROTHER.

KNOW WHAT WOULD FIX THAT?

A NICE, JUICY RED PLANET.

- WAIT. UH, C-CAPTAIN DODGERS IS OUT THERE,

AND EVERY SHIP IN THE GALAXY IS ABOUT TO UNLEASH

A-A FULL ARSENAL OF...

- HMM. HE'S WEARING A SPACESUIT.

HE'LL BE FINE.

- WHAT ARE ALL THOSE SHIPS FIRING AT?

- HUNGRY!

- NOW, YOU'RE GONNA EAT THE RED ONE,

NOT THE BLUE ONE, RIGHT?

BIG GUY?

- OUR WEAPONS AREN'T EVEN DISTRACTING HUNGORTUS.

- C-CAN WE FEED HIM SOMETHING TO SLOW HIM DOWN

LIKE AN APPETIZER?

- I HAVE A DELIGHTFUL CRAB PUFF RECIPE I FOUND IN "REDBOOK."

RIGHT. SOMETHING MORE SUBSTANTIAL.

- WHAT ABOUT THE FOOD STORES ON ALL OF OUR SHIPS COMBINED?

- YES! BUT HOW COULD WE EVER COOK THAT MUCH FOOD

IN SO LITTLE TIME?

- (GRUNTING)

- BURGERS AWAY!

- FIRE ALL MEATLOAVES.

- (GRUNTING)

- BARBEQUE!

- HEY! FIND YOUR OWN BURGERS!

SLOW DOWN. IT'S NOT A GAME!

- I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

IT'S A BILL FROM ATTORNEY AT FIRE

FOR LEGAL AND BARBEQUE SERVICES RENDERED

IN THE AMOUNT OF 27 MILLION ASTRO DOLLARS.

I'M GOING TO SUE!

- DID SOMEONE SAY SUE?

- GLAD SHE'S ON OUR SIDE THIS TIME.

HER BROTHER WAS A LOSER.