Original subtitles

FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE

BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE?

DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

PROTECTING THE POWERLESS AND THE WEAK

DUCK DODGERS IS FIGHTING TYRANNY

IN THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

- YOU COME VERY HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

- AND YOUR RESUMES ARE MOST IMPRESSIVE FOR ASSASSINS.

ARE YOU BOTH ACTUALLY FLUENT IN PORTUGUESE?

- AS I WAS SAYING, WE NEED THE BEST.

THE JOB WE HAVE IN MIND IS...I'M SORRY.

COULD WE GO SOMEWHERE WITH LESS STEAM?

- WHY? STEAM EASES TENSION, AND IT'S GOOD FOR THE SKIN.

- FINE! THE TARGET IS CAPTAIN DUCK DODGERS,

AND HE'S AS CUNNING AS HE IS HANDSOME.

IT'S AN OLD PICTURE, BUT YOU GET THE IDEA.

- MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU MUST ENSURE NONE OF THIS

CAN BE TRACED BACK TO MARS.

WE WERE NEVER HERE.

- FORGET IT. THEY'RE NOT HERE.

- WHOA. THEY ARE GOOD.

- THEY BETTER BE. THEY COST A FORTUNE,

AND THEY TOOK MY ONLY COPY OF THAT PICTURE. LET'S GO.

- FIVE MORE MINUTES.

THE TENSION IS JUST STARTING TO MELT AWAY.

- NO, I'M LEAVING NOW. CENTURIONS?

- UH, PERHAPS WE SHOULD REMAIN HERE.

TO PROTECT THE COMMANDER, I MEAN.

- I TOLD YOU THIS WAS THE PLACE, BERT.

- YEAH, YEAH, SURE, SURE.

- HEY, HUBIE, DID WE RUB OUT THAT DUCK YET?

DID WE, HUH? DID WE? DID WE?

- WE JUST GOT HERE, SEE?

HOW COULD WE MURDER HIM IF WE JUST GOT HERE, HUH?

WE COULDN'T, THAT'S HOW.

- YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.

- I KNOW I'M RIGHT. I'M ALWAYS RIGHT.

NOW GRAB OUR GEAR WHILE I SCOPE OUT THE JOINT,

AND GET A MOVE ON.

- HEY, HUBIE, CAN I SCOPE OUT THE JOINT JUST THIS ONCE?

CAN I, HUH? CAN I? HMM? HMM?

- HERE'S TO ANOTHER YEAR OF ME KEEPING YOU OFF

THE STREETS, CADET.

- AND HERE'S TO ANOTHER YEAR OF USING MY FAMILY'S

PRICELESS CHINA TO CELEBRATE OUR WORK ANNIVERSARY.

JUST THINK, EACH PLATE AND GLASS ON THIS TABLE HAS A STORY.

FOR INSTANCE, YOUR CRYSTAL GOBLET...

- (BURPS)

- IS BROKEN.

- BONANZA! NOW, WHERE'S MY PRESENT?

- HERE YOU GO. IT'S YOUR FAVORITE.

- (GASPS) JOE MONTANA!

- NO, SIR. IT'S YOU.

- OH, THAT'S RIGHT. I'M MY FAVORITE.

- I CARVED IT OUT OF DRIFTWOOD LATE AT NIGHT BY CANDLELIGHT

TO KEEP IT A SECRET.

IT ONLY TOOK 6 MONTHS.

- THAT'S NOTHING. CHECK THIS OUT.

VO-ILA!

IT'S YOUR TOOTHBRUSH.

I BORROWED IT LAST WEEK TO CLEAN THE GUNK OFF MY BOOTS,

THEN RINSED IT IN TURPENTINE.

IT'S GOOD AS NEW.

- UH, THANKS, CAPTAIN.

IT'S THE BEST TOOTHBRUSH YOU'VE BORROWED, MANGLED,

AND RETURNED TO ME YET.

- YEAH. NOW YOU HAVE A COMPLETE SET.

TO YOUR GOOD FORTUNE,

AND TO ME.

- (SIGHS)

- THIS IS TOO EASY.

THEY'RE JUST WAITING FOR AN EXCUSE TO BUMP EACH OTHER OFF.

ALL WE GOT TO DO IS GIVE THEM ONE AND ENJOY THE SHOW.

- GEE, I DON'T KNOW, HUBIE.

SEEMS LIKE THEY GET ALONG JUST FINE TO ME.

- ARE YOU KIDDING?

THE WAY THAT DUCK WALKS ALL OVER THAT PIG?

IT AIN'T RIGHT, I TELL YOU.

- YOU SAID IT, HUBIE.

- WHO ASKED YA?

AND QUIT LOAFIN' AROUND.

WE GOT WORK TO DO.

- (SNIFFS)

CHOCOLATE?

IT'S SUPPOSED TO MELT IN YOUR MOUTH, NOT IN YOUR PANTS.

CAPTAIN DODGERS, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

WHY EVERYTHING I OWN IS COVERED IN...

UH, CHOCOLATE SYRUP?

- THAT'S RIGHT, CADET. BATH TIME'S FUN AGAIN.

LOOK! I'M CLEAN AS CAN BE.

- I'M IN MY ANGER IGLOO.

THE ICY DOME GENTLY COOLS MY RAGE.

- (BOTH LAUGHING)

- A RIOT, RIOT!

- CADET, CAN YOU GET ME SOME WHIPPED CREAM?

I'D LIKE TO WASH MY HAIR.

- (BOTH LAUGHING)

- "HEY, PAL, SORRY ABOUT THE CHOCOLATE AND STUFF.

TAKE A COUPLE OF SWINGS AT ME. YOU'LL FEEL BETTER."

- (WHISTLING A TUNE)

- WHY IS THE CADET SO ANGRY AT JOE MONTANA?

WAIT. THAT'S ME!

WELL! LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY'S ABOUT TO LOSE A TOOTHBRUSH.

- (BREATHING HEAVILY)

WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

I DO FEEL BETTER.

- YOU'RE IN GREAT DANGER.

- (STUTTERING) D-DANGER.

THAT'S NICE.

- NO, IT'S NOT.

- CAPTAIN DODGERS WANTS TO KILL YOUSE.

- KILL ME. OK.

- NO, YOU MUST GET RID OF HIM BEFORE HE GETS RID OF YOUSE.

- NO, HE'S MY FRIEND.

- HEY, THAT'S ENOUGH, YOU!

YOU GOT TO KNOCK OFF DODGERS TONIGHT! GOT IT?

- KN-KN-KNOCK OFF DODGERS TONIGHT.

- THAT'S BETTER. NOW WAKE UP!

- SUCCEED AT WHAT? MURDER?

I'M GETTING MY MONEY BACK.

- (SNORING)

- I'M NOT A REAL CARDIOLOGIST! I...

- (GASPS) IS IT REALLY YOU?

I KNEW IT! THE TOOTH FAIRY!

MAN, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS.

I KNOW YOU'RE BUSY, SO LET'S CUT TO THE CHASE.

HOW MUCH FOR THE WHOLE SET?

- HUH? - HOW MUCH WILL YOU PAY ME

TO WALK OUT OF HERE WITH EVERY TOOTH I HAVE?

WAIT. LET ME GET THE CADET IN HERE.

WE'LL PUT ALL OUR TEETH ON THE TABLE AND THEN

MAKE A DEAL, OK?

- CAPTAIN DODGERS WANTS TO KILL ME.

STUPID SUBLIMINAL SELF-HELP CDs.

- HE'S HERE, CADET!

THE TOOTH FAIRY'S FINALLY HERE!

AND WE'RE GOING TO TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS! HUH?

NOW, WHY WOULD THE CADET RUIN A PRICELESS WORK OF ART?

PLAN TO MELT ME.

THAT'S WEIRD.

WHAT IS HE UP TO?

LIFE INSURANCE?

"UPON THE DEMISE OF CAPTAIN DUCK DODGERS,

THIS POLICY SHALL PAY THE SUM OF 9 ZILLION ASTRO-DOLLARS

TO THE CADET."

DEMISE?

I COME IN HERE TO YANK OUT THE CADET'S TEETH

AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?

- CAPTAIN'S TO-DO LIST.

"1...ADMIRE SELF IN MIRROR, 2...GET RID OF CADET,

3...BUY BUTTER." WAIT.

"GET RID OF CADET"?

THE CAPTAIN DOES WANT TO KILL ME!

THE CD WAS RIGHT!

- OR IS IT YOU WHO WANTS TO KILL ME, MY SO-CALLED CADET?

- IT'S WORKING, IT'S WORKING!

- I KNOW. I AIN'T BLIND.

- STAY BACK!

- WHOA. PUT THE SPATULA DOWN.

- YOU DROP THOSE TOOLS FIRST.

- WHY? THESE AREN'T FOR YOU. THEY'RE FOR YOUR TEETH.

- WHAT? MY TEETH?

JUST STAY BACK.

- GO ON! CLOBBER THE BUM!

HEY, HUBIE, WHY'D THEY STOP?

- (STUTTERING)

WHAT'S GOING ON?!

- THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU.

HE'S THE TOOTH FAIRY.

I WAS GOING TO CUT YOU IN ON THE DEAL,

UNTIL I FOUND OUT YOU WANT TO BUMP ME OFF.

- NO, YOU WANT TO BUMP ME OFF!

- OH, SO I CAN COOK, CLEAN, AND BATHE MYSELF?

ARE YOU NUTS? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK THAT?

- YOU'RE RIGHT. IT MAKES NO SENSE.

YOU'D BE HELPLESS WITHOUT ME.

- AND YOU'D BE RICH AND SUCCESSFUL WITHOUT ME!

OF COURSE YOU DON'T WANT TO KILL ME!

- RICH AND SUCCESSFUL.

- I'M GLAD WE'LL ALWAYS BE TOGETHER, TOO.

- BOO! BOO! WHAT A COUPLE OF BUMS! BOO!

UH, HUBIE, I THINK THEY CAN SEE US.

- GOOD EYES, BERT.

SO, WHAT NOW?

YOU GOING TO ARREST US?

- AS SOON AS I FIND SOME HANDCUFFS THAT FIT YOU.

- DON'T WE GET A PHONE CALL, HUBIE?

WE SHOULD CALL MARS, SINCE THEY'RE THE ONES

WHO HIRED US. OOPS!

- MARS, EH?

NEVER MIND THOSE CUFFS, CADET.

I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.

- COMMANDER!

- EEK!

YIKE!

I'VE BEEN FRAMED!

- OH, YOU'LL BE FRAMED ALL RIGHT.

(SNAPS FINGERS)

BUT FIRST, YOU MUST BE PAINTED.

- (GRUNTING)

- I'M SORRY, COMMANDER.

IT'S NOT EASY BEING PAINTED GREEN.

- BUT WHY'S SHE MAD AT HIM, HUBIE?

HE DIDN'T DO NOTHIN'. WE DID IT.