Original subtitles

FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE

BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE

DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

PROTECTING THE POWERLESS AND THE WEAK

DUCK DODGERS IS FIGHTING TYRANNY

IN THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

- NO WAY. YOU DO IT.

- COME ON. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE. WHERE'S YOUR SENSE OF ADVENTURE?

- IT SEEMS AWFULLY D-DANGEROUS.

- DANGEROUS?

AH, THIS MILK HAS ONLY BEEN EXPIRED FOR A FEW DAYS.

WAIT, HOW MANY DAYS ARE IN 100 YEARS?

- EH, FORGET IT. I'LL PASS.

- BUT... - NO.

I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT, AND THAT'S FINAL.

- I'LL DO IT IF YOU DO IT.

- REALLY? WELL, IF YOU'RE DOING IT.

PHEW! - OH, BROTHER!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR THAT.

HA HA HA HA HA! WHAT A PIGEON!

HO HO HA HA HA HA!

- OK, OK. AND NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.

- MY TURN? I WOULDN'T DRINK THAT IF IT HAD FUR, WHICH IT DOES.

AFTER YOU. - OH, NO.

I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT ONE AGAIN.

EH, IT'S ONLY ONE SHAME ON ME. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME TWICE.

- I'LL DRINK IT IF YOU DRINK IT.

- WHAT THE HECK? IT'S ONLY MILK.

- HA HA HA HA HA!

WOW, I COULD DO THIS FOREVER.

HA HA HA!

OR UNTIL YOU GET VIOLENTLY SICK. HA HA HA HA HA!

- CALLING DUCK DODGERS.

COME IN, DUCK DODGERS!

- HELLO, SIR. LOVELY DAY, ISN'T IT?

- DODGERS, YOU'RE NOT TRICKING THE CADET INTO DRINKING

CENTURY-OLD MILK AGAIN, ARE YOU?

- NOT THAT I RECALL. WHY DO YOU ASK?

- NEVER MIND. AN EXTREMELY URGENT MATTER

HAS JUST BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION.

- OH, DON'T TELL ME. ARE THEY FINALLY

GETTING RID OF WIND?

NO, WAIT, VEGETABLES HAVE FINALLY BEEN OUTLAWED, RIGHT?

NO. NO, NO, NO. I KNOW. IT'S "THE LOVE BOAT."

THEY'RE PUTTING IT BACK ON THE AIR, AREN'T THEY?

- WORSE. THERE'S AN EPIDEMIC IN EARTH'S HIGH SCHOOLS.

THIS DEVICE, WHICH IS CLEVERLY DISGUISED

TO LOOK LIKE THE HEADPHONES TEENS OFTEN USE

TO ISOLATE THEMSELVES FROM SOCIETY

IS CALLED THE ANGSTIGATOR.

IT SOME SORT OF MOOD SCRAMBLER, AND A MARTIAN SPY IS USING IT

TO TURN THE PLANET'S TEENS INTO EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE LUNATICS.

THE LATEST REPORTS PLACE THE SPY

AT KATHARINE HEPBURN HIGH SCHOOL.

THE PROTECTORATE NEEDS A VOLUNTEER

TO GO UNDERCOVER AS A STUDENT,

ROOT HIM OUT, AND RECOVER THE ANGSTIGATOR UNDAMAGED.

- GO BACK TO SCHOOL? I'M IN.

I WAS THE KING OF BENEDICT ARNOLD HIGH.

GO, TRAITOR!

THESE KIDS WILL WORSHIP ME.

I'M THAT COOL.

- AND YOU, CADET, ARE YOU UP TO IT?

- I...I DON'T KNOW.

I BARELY MADE IT THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL THE FIRST TIME.

THE KIDS AT THE RODDY McDOWALL SCHOOL FOR PRECOCIOUS LADS

WERE BORN HARD AND MERCILESS.

EH, A DARK TIME I'D RATHER NOT REVISIT, SIR.

BUT I'LL DO MY BEST.

- NOTHING YOU'VE EXPERIENCED CAN PREPARE YOU

FOR THE SHEER VOLATILITY, THE WANTON SAVAGERY OF TEENS

WHO ARE UNDER THE POWER OF THE ANGSTIGATOR.

GOOD LUCK!

- I...I GUESS I'D BETTER GET

MY EXTRA-STRENGTH UNDERPANTS OUT OF STORAGE.

- OH, I WON'T LAST 5 SECONDS HERE.

- NONSENSE. YOU'RE HANGING WITH ME.

EVERYTHING'S COOL. WATCH!

HEY, BOYS! NAME'S DODGERS.

I'M THE NEW QUARTERBACK AROUND HERE.

- HELLO. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME.

- MAN, THAT IS ONE WEIRD OUTFIT.

- YEAH, YOU GOT GUTS, KID.

- ARE YOU SOME KIND OF NUT CASE OR SOMETHING?

- UH, NO. BUT MY ANALYST SAYS I WILL BE

IF I KEEP REPRESSING MY ANGER.

- HA HA HA HA!

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

- HA HA! YEAH, ME NEITHER.

BUT I LIKE THIS KID. HE'S CRAZY!

- HEY, KID, DO YOU WANT TO COME WITH US

AND TIP OVER SOME SCHOOL BUSES?

- I'VE NEVER BEEN INVITED TO CAUSE MAYHEM BEFORE.

SURE!

I THINK WE'LL COVER MORE GROUND IF WE SPLIT UP, CAPTAIN.

LATER!

- I'VE...STILL...GOT IT.

- IT'S A GREAT NEIGHBORHOOD. TRUST ME.

I'VE BEEN HERE 6 YEARS.

EASY BATHROOM ACCESS,

EXCELLENT VIEW OF SENORA CRUZ,

NOT TO MENTION CENTRAL AIR-CONDITIONING,

AND SATELLITE TV WITH DIGITAL SURROUND SOUND.

- OH, IT'S PERFECT. EXCEPT...

EH, DOES IT COME IN ANY COLOR BESIDES GREEN?

- TAKE YOUR PICK.

- DON'T WORRY, GUYS. I KNOW THAT ANGSTIGATOR THINGY

IS FORCING YOU TO MANHANDLE ME, AND I FORGIVE YOU.

- HERE YOU GO. HOME SWEET HOME.

- IT SMELLS LIKE BURNT HAIR.

AND IT'S KIND OF SMALL, ISN'T IT?

- NAW, THERE IS PLENTY OF ROOM IN THERE.

HERE, TAKE A LOOK!

- ACTUALLY, THE INTERIOR IS MUCH ROOMIER THAN I EXPECTED.

- IS IT SAFE YET? WHAT YEAR IS IT?

ARE YOU ON THE MATH TEAM, TOO?

- 2, 4, 6, 10!

WHO WILL WE MARRY FOR HIS MONEY

SO WE'LL NEVER HAVE TO WORK AGAIN?

THE CADET! THE CADET!

YAY, CADET!

- ACTUALLY, 2, 4, 6...

EH, NEVER MIND.

- LADIES, HOW HIGH AM I SUPPOSED TO...

GO?

- WOW. I NEVER KNEW I WAS SO MUSCULA...UH...UH, CHISELED.

- HEY, THAT WOULD HAVE REALLY HURT

IF I STILL HAD FEELING IN MY ARMS.

- IT'S UNANIMOUS.

THE CADET IS OUR NEW SCHOOL PRESIDENT.

- I VOW TO HONOR MY CAMPAIGN PROMISES,

EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T MAKE ANY.

ARE YOU NOW OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TARDY?

- DEFINE TARDY.

- LIAR!

- SO I SAID, "MOM, I'M ALMOST 18.

"IF I CAN VOTE AND BE IN THE ARMY,

I CAN GO OUT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT."

- DID SHE BUY IT? - ALMOST.

- CAPTAIN, WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE A JANITOR?

- IF THOSE TEENAGE HYENAS RECOGNIZE ME,

THEY'LL RIP ME TO SHREDS!

NOW, WE CAN ESCAPE THROUGH THE AIR VENTS.

- ESCAPE? FROM WHO?

- FROM THESE KIDS. THEY'RE MONSTERS!

- THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THESE KIDS.

IF ANYTHING, THE ANGSTIGATOR HAS MADE THEM MORE ACCEPTING.

- ARE YOU NUTS? THAT THINGAMABOB BRAINWASHED THESE KIDS.

WHY ELSE WOULD THEY HATE ME?

- HEY, IT'S THAT KID WHO LOOKS LIKE A DUCK!

- YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

- I KNOW. WE'VE GOT TO FIND THAT DOOHICKEY,

SO THESE KIDS CAN LEARN THE MOST IMPORTANT

LESSON OF ALL...

THAT I'M THE COOLEST GUY IN SCHOOL.

- I MEANT THE PART ABOUT YOU BEING RIPPED TO SHREDS.

- HUH? AAH!

- I KNEW THEY WOULDN'T BUY ME AS A JANITOR.

I'M TOO HANDSOME FOR MANUAL LABOR.

I NEED A REAL DISGUISE...

SOMETHING THAT WILL ALLOW ME TO ROAM THESE HALLS

COMPLETELY UNDETECTED...

SOMETHING THAT WON'T DRAW THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF ATTENTION.

- HI, EVERYBODY!

AS YOU KNOW, I'M WAYNE, CAPTAIN OF THE EMCEE CLUB.

LET'S PUT OUR HANDS TOGETHER

AND GIVE A BIG KATHARINE HEPBURN WELCOME

TO OUR NEW SCHOOL PRESIDENT, THE CADET!

- UH, HI.

- ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?

I...I GUESS THEY'RE NOT READY TO ROCK.

- OK, IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME TO BRING OUT OUR SCHOOL MASCOT.

EH, FELLOW STUDENTS, I PRESENT

THE KATHARINE HEPBURN HIGH SCHOOL HOWLING MALLARD!

- AAH!

- GOOD THING HE HAS THOSE RIDICULOUSLY LARGE FLIPPERS.

UH, CAPTAIN, IS THAT YOU?

- WELL, WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE?

- YOU'RE RIGHT. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

- I'M GONNA SOLVE THIS CASE, CADET, RIGHT UNDER THEIR NOSES.

- BY DISGUISING YOURSELF AS, EH, A DUCK?

- I KNOW, IT'S BRILLIANT.

NO ONE WOULD SUSPECT IT'S ME IN A MILLION YEARS.

- AHA!

EVERYONE KNOWS THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE MASCOT PER SCHOOL,

AND I THINK IT'S PRETTY CLEAR WHO THE IMPOSTER IS.

- EH, YOU?

- ALL RIGHT, YOU WEB-FOOTED WANNABE,

WINGS IN THE AIR!

YOU?

AND THE ANGSTIGATOR, I PRESUME.

- THAT'S CORRECT, DODGERS.

AND NOW YOU WILL WITNESS ITS DEVASTATING IMPACT

ON DEFENSELESS YOUNGSTERS.

OH, DRAT! I DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO ACTIVATE IT YET.

- WHAT?

THEN WHY ARE THESE KIDS ACTING SO CRAZY?

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THEY ACTUALLY DON'T LIKE ME.

- IT'S HARD TO SAY, DODGERS.

PERHAPS YOUNG EARTHLINGS ARE NATURALLY ERRATIC

AND IRRATIONAL.

- I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.

AND YOU CAN'T REALLY BLAME THEM.

I MEAN, GROWING UP IS A DIFFICULT TIME,

FILLED WITH UNCERTAINTY AND CHANGE.

NO WONDER THEY'RE ALL BANAS.

- I JUST WISH SOMEONE HAD TOLD ME THAT

BEFORE WE SPENT ALL THAT TIME AND MONEY

CREATING THE ANGSTIGATOR.

- HA HA HA HA! - HA HA HA!

- HEY, IT'S THAT KID WHO LOOKS LIKE A DUCK!

AND HE'S WITH A WEIRD, SHORT KID WHO LOOKS LIKE A MARTIAN!

- GET THEM!

- I HAVE TO DO THIS.

AS SCHOOL PRESIDENT, IT'S M-MY DUTY.

YAH!