All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine Nine s07e02_English

.

[dramatic music]

- Clear in back.
- Copy.

- All clear on the main hall.

- Clear.
- Clear.

- The service road a quarter
mile away is also clear.

Hold on.
There's a pigeon approaching.

Hold the mission.

Shoo.

Shoo. Shoo.

Shoo.

- Great work with that pidge,
officer.

- Detectives, switch to channel
five.

Anyone else getting
a sense Holt is upset

about the new captain coming
tomorrow?

- It's bad. This morning
he sighed for the entire length

of our elevator ride.

- [sighing]

- I wonder who Wuntch is gonna
stick us with this time.

Clear.
- Clear.

- I'm sure it will be
someone terrible,

but we've had bad bosses
before,

and we've always managed to get
rid of them.

Let's just do that again.
- Hey, listen.

I'm taking this weekend off.

Do you think you can have the
new captain gone by Monday?

I'm kind of over meeting new
people.

- Gone by Monday.
Challenge accepted.

Clear.
- Clear.

We got a runner.

- NYPD, freeze!

- Ugh!

- Taking down the bad guys
without breaking up our convo.

That how we do it in the
Nine-Nine.

- You're going the wrong
direction.

- Damn it. All these hallways
look the same.

That was such a cool walk-off.

[upbeat music]

♪

[rock music]

♪

- 'Sup?
- What is happening?

- Well, with the new
captain coming in,

this is my chance to
reinvent myself.

So say hello to Chuck Boyle,
office badass.

- Wait a minute.
Is that Rosa's jacket?

And follow-up question,

does Rosa's jacket fit you
perfectly?

- [scoffs]
You tell me.

- You know, just put on a
leather jacket

and become a badass.

You also need a chunky bracelet
with fringe.

- Wrong. Ever since
Rosa gave me this baby,

people have been treating me
like I'm cool.

The girl at the coffee shop

even got the name
on my cup right.

It says "Charles,"
not "Cassie."

- You know, I think it's less
about the jacket

and more about the fact
that you're feeling confident.

Maybe this cool version of
Charles

was in there all along.

- Amy, I love you, but
that's insane.

It's a magic jacket.

- Okay.
- So just to be clear,

you think we're dealing with

a "Sisterhood of the Traveling
Pants" situation here?

- Don't know, not familiar.

- You made me watch it.

Look, there's no point in
rebranding yourself

for the new captain--or should
I say "craptain"--

because they're not gonna
be here

for very long anyways,
remember?

- Peralta, stop it. I don't
want to hear you bad-mouthing

my replacement around
the office.

Do it surreptitiously.

Watch this.

I hear that new captain's a
pill-popper.

- They're on their way up.
- Everyone hide your pills.

- Brace yourselves.

You're about to look into the
face of pure evil.

[elevator dings]

- Ah, good morning, good
morning, good morning.

I'm Captain Julie Kim.

- And I'm Chuck.

If you want results, stay
the hell out of my way.

- Okay, wow, I guess I
know who the office badass is.

Anyway, I just want to say

how excited am to be here at
the Nine-Nine.

I hear the best things
about this place.

From who?
Madeline Wuntch, per chance?

Oh, I've never actually spoken
to Acting Commissioner Wuntch.

I requested the posting through
the C.O.P's office.

I didn't prepare a speech,
but a little about me:

I was the first female
Asian-American captain

in the NYPD.

My guilty pleasure is charity
work.

And what do I do for fun?

Well, basically just
design and build skate parks

for marginalized communities;
and that's me.

- What a gigantic turd.

- Agreed, an unformed pile.

- I don't know; she seemed kind
of awesome to me.

- The thing is,
she can't be awesome

'cause she's here to replace
Holt.

- But she said as soon as his
year in uniform is finished

she's moving on.

- [scoffs] That's a pretty
generous interpretation

of what she said, Amy.

- As soon as his year in
uniform is finished,

I'll be moving on.

- Okay, fine.
It's exactly what she said.

But she seems like a liar.

Someone told me she's
a pill-popper.

- Pop-pop.

- Well, she's not lying
about her résumé.

Did you know The Rock's
character

in "The Fast and the Furious"
was based on her?

Hobbs. Or Shaw.

- She's not a Hobbs or a Shaw.

If anything she's a Trevor.

That the guy my mom dated after
she divorced my dad.

- So this is all about
your daddy issues?

- Step-daddy issues.
This is a new thing.

I'm complicated.

Anyways, Trevor seemed perfect
too, you know?

He was nice to my mom, he drove
a limousine,

he would take us out to
restaurants.

But then my mom caught him
cheating,

and we never saw him again.

So it turns out when people are
too good to be true, they are.

- That sucks, Jake,

but I don't think
Captain Kim is a Trevor.

Oh really? She could have had
her choice of any precinct.

Why would she choose this lame
temporary posting here?

I'll tell you why.

Because Madeline Wuntch
sent her.

- So what do we do?
- I'm glad you asked.

You know how she wants to have
individual meetings with us

to assess our
"personal strengths"

and help us "achieve our
goals?"

Stupid B.

- I say we use those meetings
to figure out why

she's really here.

She may seem perfect,

but I guarantee there's a
"but."

And I'm gonna find that "but
and drill down on it.

- Come on, man. You have
to know how that sounds.

- Shut up, cool Charles.
I hate this new dynamic.

- Lieutenant, thanks for
coming in.

First off, do you have any
questions for me?

- Just one. Why would
someone with your pedigree

choose the Nine-Nine?

- Well, why did
you choose to stay here

as long as you have?

- This is my family--
second family.

I have a wife and three
kids at home.

- Oh, please tell me you have
pictures.

- I may8 have one or two...
hard drives at my desk.

Let me grab them real fast,
okay?

- So, Captain Kim, I've been
going through your files--

- And I've been going
through yours,

very impressive stuff.

- Oh.
- Not just the case work,

but look at how they're
organized,

the penmanship,
color coding.

How do you get such straight
margins

on a hand-written document?

- Oh, well, I like to say
when it comes to margins...

both: There's no margin for
error.

- [gasps]

both: Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

- So you supposedly build
skate parks, huh?

What are your three
favorite tricks?

- Oh, gingersnap, plasma spin,
roast beef grab.

What about you?

- Ollies. And the roast beef
one that you said.

It doesn't matter.
We're both skaters.

Let's move on.
- Well, I went over your

recent evaluations,

and I don't think you belong
here.

- Oh, I knew it.
You want to get rid of me.

Well, you know what?
You can't fire me,

because I quit--
metaphorically.

Obviously, for medical
insurance reasons,

it's actually much better if
do you fire me.

- I'm not firing you.
I'm impressed by your talent

and record,
and it just so happens

have a friend in the FBI who is
looking for

an NYPD liaison officer.

So what do you say?

- So what did you say?

- I told her I'd rather stick
my entire head

inside a giraffe's long blonde
butt

than accept a job offer from
her.

- Mm-hmm.
- You said that?

- In my head.

In my mouth I said I would
think about it

and get back to her.

She'll get the message
when I dillydally.

- Working with the FBI.
That's your dream job, Jake.

- First of all, my dream job is
spy

falsely accused of betraying
his country,

forced to work alone
to clear his name

by taking down the mysterious
organization that framed him

known only as S.H.A.D.E.

Secondly,
it wasn't a real job offer.

She's up to something.
- Mm-hmm.

- Maybe she's just a nice
person.

I mean, she did seem genuinely
interested in my kids.

- Look, did any of you get a
straight answer from her

about why she's at the
Nine-Nine, hmm?

Right, me neither.
But guess what.

I called the C.O.P. office,

and they said the form
to transfer her here

wasn't signed by them.

It was signed by Wuntch.

She lied.
- Mm-hmm.

- Just because Wuntch
signed an order

doesn't mean they
know each other.

- Will you wake up?

That woman is a demon, and it
couldn't be more obvious.

- Oh, here you are.

I have to say how great it
was talking to you all,

and I wanted to let you know
about a party I'm throwing

at my house tomorrow night.

Are you interested?

- Oh, well, we will think about
it and get back to you.

- Great. Just let me know.

- Great.

And now we dillydally.

- Mm-hmm.

.

- What are you guys doing
here?

- What do you mean?
We're going to the party.

- You said you weren't coming.

You said that Captain Kim was
a Trevor

and that she only invited us to
earn our trust

so she could have sex with our
mom.

- It was very confusing.

- [laughs]
I never said that.

But it's not confusing.

I mean, our "mom" is
obviously the precinct,

and Captain Kim having sex with
the precinct

is actually her teaming up with
Madeline Wuntch to destroy it.

It's a perfect analogy,
Which I never used.

- What's up, guys?

Why are we standing around
outside?

- Is your walk different?
Are you strutting?

- Don't know what you're
talking about.

It's how I always walk, bitch.

Let's roll.

- Bitch?

- Welcome.
The bar is in the back.

And they're coming around with
food.

I use the most wonderful
catering company.

They only hire ex-convicts to
give them a second chance.

- Oh, that's wonderful.

- Get in here and meet
everyone.

Oh, Lieutenant, I want to
introduce you

to my old neighbor, John.

He's the head of admissions at
the Calder Academy

in the Bronx.

- Calder? That's the best
elementary school in the city.

Their mock trial team gets
hired to work real cases.

- And, Chuck, my friend from
"Major Crimes" is here.

You're gonna love him.
- Maybe I will; maybe I won't.

- Well, come on. Let's go.

Oh, let me talk you coat.
- No, I need it.

- Oh, this way.

- All right, I know what's
going on here.

You two still don't trust
Captain Kim,

and you're here to snoop on
her.

- I don't know what you're
talking about.

- Please.
Look at your shoes.

You only wear sneakers for
their literal purpose:

sneaking.

- That's crazy. He's wearing
perfectly normal--

- No, she's right.

The clown shoes gave me away.

- Okay, look, Captain Kim lied
to us.

There's something in this house
that proves she's conspiring

with Madeline Wuntch,
and we're gonna find it.

- [sighs] I am not letting you
snoop around in her stuff

and ruin this party.

- Oh, okay. Well, good luck
trying to stop us.

- Oh, Jake.

You don't know who you're
dealing with, do you?

I was a student chaperone

at every dance from middle
school on.

I've stopped more horny
teenagers from making out

to Savage Garden than you can
count.

- Cool story, but we're not
horny teens.

We're horny adults.

And tonight we're going all the
way.

Come on, Holt, let's shake this
narc.

- That's right, I am a NARC,

a Nationally Accredited and
Registered Chaperone.

- So what grade are
your daughters in?

They're in sixth grade.

Oh, wait, I'm sorry,
that's their reading level.

They're in second.

- Wow.
They sound quite impressive.

- Oh good, the food.
I'm starving.

- Hello, Detective Jeffords.

- Do I know you?

- Ronald Palmer.

You arrested me ten years ago.

You testified at my trial.

- Oh, hey.

What have you been up to?

- Prison.
- Prison, yeah.

I shouldn't have asked.

- I spent ten long years
thinking about what I would do

if I ever saw you again.

Lettuce cup?

- Uh...

- Oh, do you think I'm trying
to poison you?

Am I always gonna be a criminal
in your eyes

even though I've served my
time?

- No, no, no.

I'm just not hungry right now.

- Oh, you said you were
starving.

- Yes, John.
Thanks for reminding me, John.

- All right here we go,
approaching the mail.

Stay cool, and...doink.

Now we've just got to find
a private place

to look at these.

- Through here to the guest
bath.

- Ahh!
- Seriously?

The bathroom sneak-off?

It didn't work for Dana McAlpin
trying to smoke a joint

at the Winter Carnival Dance,

and it's not gonna work for
you.

Gimme the mail.

You just chaperoned,
O-W-N-E-D.

- Spelling is never cool.

- Wrong, that was extremely
cool.

Now I understand why you're
"into her."

- Now you understand?
You officiated our wedding.

Whatever.
We need to figure out a way

to get her off our tail.

- Good luck with that.
- Ahh!

- What are you two doing
over here,

waiting for the caterers

before they make their way into
the crowd?

- We're snooping on Captain
Kim, but let me guess.

She seduced you as well.

- Is she doing that to people?
- Not literally.

- Oh, Michael, Norm, I didn't
realize you arrived.

Come with me,
I want to make an introduction.

- Don't worry, Jake.

You're our friend;
we're on your side no matter--

holy crap.

Look at those chairs.

- I know you two like to sit,

and these are the most
comfortable chairs ever.

Give 'em a try.

both: Ohh.

- It's like there's something
great at this party

for everyone, even me.

She's serving my favorite
dessert: carrots.

- Wait a minute. That's it.

If there's something
great for everyone,

there's something great for the
narc.

Babe, hi. How are you
enjoying the party?

- Trying to chat me up?
It won't work.

Chaperone's code forbids
fraternization

with chaperonees.

- Okay, fine, I'll just leave
you alone, then.

I really quickly did want to
introduce you

to someone, though.

This is Margo.

She's a friend of Captain
Kim's.

And apparently she invented a
new type of binder.

- What?

- "New type of binder"
seems reductive.

Would you call a car
a new kind of horse?

- No.
- This is the future

of organization.

- Oh, my God.
Tell me everything.

- And you've been
chaper-powned.

- What?
- Nothing. Love you. Binders.

- So Cap tells me you're
in "Major Crimes."

- Yeah, working something big.

Can't tell you who our target
is,

but let's just say he's done a
bunch of disturbing things,

and he's on the Yankees.

- [whistles]

- You play poker?

- Eh, used to, got tired
of winning all the time.

- [chuckles] Well, I have a
weekly game.

It's mostly Broadway stars
and celebrity chefs,

not exactly my crowd, but
they are high rollers.

Spot opened up; you want in?

- I don't know, seems kind of
lame, but I'll stop by.

- [clicks tongue]

- Excuse me.

I know you from somewhere.

Do you go to my gym?

- Oh, nah. I work out in
my garage,

throw the tire around,

grab a couple big ropes and
do this.

- Mm-hmm.

Here's my number.

Maybe I could come over some
time and--

I don't know--
you could work me out.

- Okay, we've got her meeting
the mayor,

her dog-sitting for Bo Obama,
Malala giving her an award,

but no photos of Wuntch.

- That's because vampires
don't appear on film.

Perhaps we should be looking
for

a 17th-century woodblock print.

- Good idea. Let's keep moving.

- Hello?
- She's coming. Hide.

- Title of your sex tape?

In here.

- Hello.
Is anyone up here?

- Well, looks like we just
found the key

to exposing Captain Kim.

- It's the key that's in her
pocket.

- Yes, obviously that's
what I meant.

.

- We need to get that key.

How are you at picking pockets?

- Does this answer your
question?

- Whose wallet is that?
- It's mine.

But it came out so smooth
I barely even felt it.

All right, fine, I'm terrible
at pickpocketing.

But if she was distracted,
I bet I could pull it off.

Maybe you could create a
drunken scene or something?

- Why? What would my
motivation be

for such poor behavior?

- I don't know. Anything.

- No, I need something
to draw from.

Have I had a row with Kevin?

Did something happen to
Cheddar?

Has a new captain
moved into my precinct,

usurped my position, and won
the affection and admiration

of people I've spent seven
years

building relationships with,

people I once considered my
chosen family,

whom I foolheartedly hoped
would provide me

the unconditional support that
I never got

from my own flesh and blood?

- I think you should go with
the last one.

- Yeah, the last one seemed
good.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- This is the best
night of my life.

People believe I work out with
ropes,

a mega-babe hit on me,

and the bartender didn't assume
I just wanted a Bay Breeze.

- Hey, you, cool guy.

Were you flirting
with my girlfriend out back?

- Calm down, hotshot.
I'm taken.

Look, I'll throw away her
number.

That's it, you and me outside.

- Oh, brother.

Come on, guys.
I've got to go squash this bug.

- Of course, at Calder we're
not just looking

for good students.

We want compassionate members
of the community.

- Great. Terry has a passion
for compassion.

- Turkey pinwheel?
- Oh, you're back again.

You seem to working
this one spot a lot.

- Well, we're old friends,
remember?

I'll ask again,
turkey pinwheel?

- Why is there just one?

- I made it special for you.

- How is it special?

- There's a little something
extra in it.

Wait, are you still
suspicious of me?

You don't think I deserve a
second chance?

- Impossible.

Lieutenant Jeffords has a
passion for compassion.

- Yeah, you're right.

You know what?
I will take this pinwheel.

Mmm, delicious.

[chuckling]

- Excuse me, but does it
seem slightly warm to anyone?

I feel it is quite warm.

- What was that?

You were supposed to cause
a drunken scene.

- I was. I raised the
volume of my voice 9%.

as inebriated people do,

and I spoke of the resultant
rise in body temperature.

- Well, you need to do more.

- More than that?
Pfft, okay.

Oh, I love this song.

Oh, I'll have one of those.

- That was more?

- I paired a crab cake with a
cooked Côtes du Rhne,

like an animal.

- Okay, we need a new plan.

- No, no, I have just the
thing.

- It's gonna be too small
again.

You have to really--

- I'm going to throw
myself down the stairs.

- What?

- Ahh! Augh!

Ohh.

- Raymond, are you okay?

Someone call a doctor.

- No need. I'm fine. I'm fine.

- Look, man, I don't want any
trouble.

- She's gonna leave me, isn't
she?

- Oh, you're crying?

- Of course she wants someone
like you.

You're so cool.

- Thank you. It's true.
- What's your secret?

How can I become more like you?

- Here.
This is all you need.

It will change your life.
Trust me.

- Did you just give away
your magic jacket?

- Oh, Terry, it wasn't the
jacket.

I realize now
that Chuck was in here.

I've had another man deep
inside me this whole time.

- Welcome back, Charles.
- Oh, right away?

It was the jacket.

- Now let's see if you do know
Madeline Wuntch.

Gotcha.
[dog growling]

[dog barks]
Oh, boy.

Hey.

Easy.

[dog barks]

[loud clanging]

What happened?
Am I okay?

[people screaming]

Oh, I see what happened.

He went downstairs
and killed everyone else.

Phew.
That worked out.

.

[somber music]

♪

- Terry. Terry.

Terry, are you okay?

- I'm fine. But that dog
came right at me.

And I have no idea why.

- It looked like you had a lot
of food in your pockets.

- What? No. That's
not true.

This jacket never had
any pockets.

This is the style.
- Oh, my God.

You did think I was poisoning
you.

- I mean, you were the
one who said he spent

every day in prison dreaming
of the day we'd meet again.

- So I could prove to you
I'd changed.

- You said you put something
extra in my food.

- Love.

- Well, you said it so creepy.

Look, tone is everything, man.

- I've been talking to
a cinder block wall

for the last ten years.

I'm sorry if my social skills
leave something to be desired.

- That is a really good
explanation.

- Everybody, the dog's leashed
up out back.

Did anyone get hurt?

- We're all fine, thanks
to this guy.

Tackling a pit bull without
spilling your whiskey, badass.

- Eh, it was nothing.

His teeth couldn't
even penetrate the jacket.

- Hey, I have a spot opening in
a weekly poker game.

You interested?
- But you said I could come.

- I just think Broadway
star Sutton Foster

is gonna like the other guy
a little bit better.

- No.

- Everybody, I am so, so sorry.

I don't understand how Linus
got out.

I had him locked upstairs
in my bedroom.

I have the key right here.

Wait, where's the key?

- All right, quit joking
around, guys.

Who's got the key?

- You broke into my bedroom?

- Well, this wouldn't have been
a problem if didn't have

a vicious guard dog that's
protecting her secrets.

- Linus is not a guard dog,
and he's not vicious.

He was locked in my room,

because she gets skittish
around crowds.

I just rescued him
from a dog-fighting ring.

[together]
Aww.

- Don't aww her, all right.

She's a liar,
and I have proof.

Remember how she said she'
didn't know Madeline Wuntch?

Well, then explain why she has
an email from her

dated two weeks ago, subject:
Raymond Holt.

- Mm-hmm.

- Peralta, why don't you read
that email aloud for everyone?

- Oh, you'd love that,
wouldn't you?

Wait a minute.
Why would you love that?

This is gonna be bad for me,
isn't it?

Amy, you read it.
- No.

- I'll do it, Jakey.
- Oh, the old Charles is back.

- "Julia, we've never
spoken...

- Mm-hmm, four words in, and
it's already pretty bad for me.

- "But your transfer to the
Nine-Nine is a foolish one.

"They are a dysfunctional
precinct commanded by

a rancid old prune, Raymond
Holt.

"But in recognition of your
exemplary service,

I will honor your wishes.
Wuntch."

- But then why are you
at the Nine-Nine?

- I'm here for you.
- Aha!

- Because you're my hero.

- Oof. I am off today.

- You overcame so
much to become a captain.

It made me feel like I could
accomplish anything.

So when the chance came up
to work with you,

I jumped at it.

- But why not just tell me
that?

- Because you were so down
about being in uniform,

I didn't want it to
come across as pity.

- Oh, well, what a sweet
and thoughtful moment,

which would not have been
possible without my meddling.

- How dare you try to
weasel out of this

when the love of my
life is splattered

all over that room.

- The chair?

- Get her name out of your
mouth.

- Her name is the chair?
- I warned you.

- So you think things will be
weird with Captain Kim?

- Nah, she's so perfect.

I'm sure she's already moved
past it,

and we'll have a great year
together.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Captain Kim asked
for an immediate transfer.

She is no longer a part of the
Nine-Nine.

- What?
- She said that she respected

you all,
but there was obviously

too much history here

and she'd always feel
like an interloper.

- Oh, man, you guys.

I almost feel like this is all
my fault.

- Agreed.
- What?

You encouraging me.

You kept saying, "Mm-hmm."

- I was going through something
difficult.

You have no excuse.

- He's kind of right,
Jake.

What was going on there?
- I don't know.

I guess I'm just overly
paranoid

from everything that's happened
here, you know,

with Kelly and Wuntch
and Trevor and Rolf.

- Who's Rolf?
- Oh, mom my dated Rolf

after she broke up with Trevor.

He was also a limo driver, and
he also cheated on her.

[gasps] The problem is with
limo drivers.

- Babe, it's not.
- It's not?

- No.
- Okay, thanks. I love you.

- Look, man, I get it.

There's no question we've been
burned a bunch as squad.

But you not giving someone the
benefit of the doubt

cost us a good captain.

- I know. You're right.
Look, I'm really sorry.

- But your heart was in the
right place.

- And I had to pay Captain Kim,
like, $3,700 in damages.

- You did what?
- The point is,

everyone accepted my apology,
Amy, right, Charles?

- You betcha, Jakey.
- See?

- Not a doctor.
- Shh.