All language subtitles for Bad Turn Worse

You know, I should've
got biscuits and gravy.

I mean, technically it's
just biscuit and gravy.

Cause it's just one
biscuit cut in half, see?

No, even if it is
just one biscuit,

it's still biscuits and gravy.

You know, how like one
pair of pants still pants.

I mean, you might want to take
it with the Whataburger folks,

because they're selling it
as biscuit and gravy, see?

Yeah, that, that-
that doesn't it right.

I mean, um, what
would you call bacon

and eggs if you
only got one egg?

- I would call it bacon and egg.
- No, you would not.

You would call it
bacon and eggs.

Anybody would.

Nobody would say, I'll
have bacon and egg.

Well, they would if
there was only one egg.

You know, goddamn,
the hell you wouldn't.

Here.

You should read this.
You'd like it.

I don't know, I still haven't

read the book you
gave me last week,

or the one from the
week before that.

I mean, you know, I
don't read like you do.

Shit, I don't know anybody
that reads like you.

Well, in college,
everybody reads like me,

so you better get used to it.

Well, then I guess I
got a few weeks still.

And I bet they don't
even read like you

either, even in college.

You know, besides, my mom sees
anymore books around the house,

she's going to have to
really believe I'm leaving.

Just might kill her.

You know what, forget
about those two.

Read this one, you'll like it.

It happens right here.

What, in a Whataburger?

No, jackass, in Texas.

Jim Johnson was a Texas boy.

Well, I mean, technically,
he was born in Oklahoma,

but all this stuff happens
right here in Texas.

You know what Jim Thompson said?

What did he say?

He said, there are 32
ways to tell a story,

but there's only ever one plot.

Yeah, what's that?

That things are not what they seem.

Well, I will sure as
shit go along with that.

Things are most definitely
not what they seem.

You know, not-not
around here, anyhow.

How's that?

Well, there's, -
there's you, for example.

I'm not what I seem?

No, you're definitely not.

Because you go and you put
on your coveralls, and you

fix tractors all day.

But then you go home, and
you read all these books,

and you know things.

Like how-how there's
32 ways to tell story,

but there's only one plot.

I didn't say that.
Jim Thomson said that.

Well, yeah, I know, but
you-you know, you know it.

You know all kinds
of other stuff, too.

What's my girl know?

Hey.
Hey, baby, how're you?

Oh, shit, biscuits and gravy.

- I love this stuff.
- Oh, you know, it's actually just

called biscuit and gravy, right?

What?

Hey, Sue was just
telling me about this guy,

wrote this book here.

He said there was 32
ways to tell a story.

That right?

I did not know that.

Of course, I ain't
the one heading

off to college like you two.

BJ, you should read this.
I think you'd like it.

Yeah, happens right
here, in Texas.

Then what I need to read it for?

Shit, I already know
every goddamn thing

that happens in Texas.

That's true.

All right, I just thought
you'd like it, is all.

I want to read it.

OK.

You know, course we could
sit here and talk about books.

Or, go over to
Corpus, have the best

goddamn going away
party we ever had.

I don't know, BJ.

Now, I haven't got
the money for that.

And besides, me and you got to
be at Giff's tomorrow morning.

No, I don't have any money
to be going out either.

Well, now, I just
might be able to do

a little something about that.

Jesus Christ, where
did you get that?

I've been saving, man.

Ever since I found out that
my best girl and my best bud

were leaving me.

- Really?
- Yeah, really.

Come one, let's get
the hell out of here.

Let's have some fun for
once, for God's sakes.

All right.

You have no idea what
I had to do to get this.

Oh, it's good.

Yeah.
Good whiskey.

Man, we need to get laid.

Oh, no, that's, - that's OK.

Just wait right there.

No, seriously, it's OK.

Hey, BJ-

- Hi.
- Hi.

How are you guys doing?

Just fine, how are you?

Oh, I'm-I'm just
hanging out, you know.

Anyways, I just
want you to know,

- do you see my friend Bobby over there?
- Yes, I do.

- Hi, how are you doing?
- Hi.

Yeah, he's kind
of cute, isn't he?

- He's cute.
- Yeah, yeah he is.

I'll, - You know, I'll give
you $1,000 if you blow him.

OK, fuck off.

Here's 1500, and I get to watch.

Oh, please, give me a break.

OK, but he has to wear a rubber.

Not unless he gets to take
it off right before he shoots.

I'm-

Nope, nope, hey, hey BJ, I'm
really sorry for my friend.

He's-He's had a lot to drink.

We should get him out of here.

You want to get out of here?

God damn, you're going
to get your dick sucked.

I don't want to
get my dick sucked.

Yes, you do.

Every goddamn man wants
to get his dick sucked.

OK, now listen, girls.

Listen, listen, it's all right.

Now, $2,000, I think that's
what's right in here.

Somewhere around there, 2,000,
maybe a little bit more,

maybe a little bit less.

Not only will you
swallow, but you'll

gargle for a half a minute-

- OK, is this a joke?
- BJ, BJ, BJ, that's enough.

Leave them alone, leave
them alone, all right.

You've been hanging
with Giff way too much.

Let's just get out
of here, come on.

Well, man, then who else
do I have to hang out with?

All my friends are
up and leaving me.

Ladies.

BJ.

You just going to
leave all this money?

Yup.

Sorry about my friend,
he's, like I said,

he's-he's had a
awful lot to drink.

It's OK.

Um, did you want to join us?

You guys want anything?

I think we're probably good.

You don't actually have to
give me a blow job or anything.

That's OK.

I wasn't going to,
so it's all good.

Oh, great, sweet then.

It's Bobby, right?

Bobby, yeah.

Nice to meet you, Bobby.

How much did you spend today?

Hey, fuck money.

It's all about the
memories, right?

Right?

these are a couple weeks-
that's all we'll have, right?

What's with you, man?

What do you mean?

How come you didn't want to
get your dick wet earlier?

BJ.

No reason.
Just, tired.

That's all.
And I'm tired, too.

Why don't we hit the bed?

I'll tell you what,
Bobby, I'm not blinded.

I'm not buying it
for one second.

I think there's something
else at play here.

Like what?

Like somebody else.

Like somebody keeping that
dick of yours on a tight leash.

Come on.

Well, it's definitely
somebody, man.

And whoever he is,
I mean, he must

be really, really
special, right?

Is that it?

Man, you saving yourself for
a nice little college boy?

All right, why don't we get
you dried off and into bed?

Yeah, let's do that.

OK.

OK, let's go.

Good night, Bobby.

Yeah, good night.
See you tomorrow.

Good night, Bob.

How much did you spend today?

Do you know what my
daddy's last words were?

Bang.

More of a sound than a word.

And technically,
he didn't say it,

but he did make
it, with his gun.

Told me that one before.

Meh, several times.

But even if you hadn't,
I would've heard it

just as many times
from everybody else.

Is that why you're leaving?

Because the town's so small.

It's because of my stories.

Honey, are they
getting on your nerves?

No.

It's not like that, I just-

It just makes me
sad, that's all.

Makes me sad, too.

That's the point.

BJ, God, you got to get over it.

Hey, you got to get
over all that junk

you keep stored up in
that head of yours.

Move on.

I mean, you stay on a bus long
enough, and you're liable-

miss your stop.

Yes, I've told you before.

Yeah, several times.

I'm tired, I'm
going to go to bed.

Rise and shine, turpentine.

Hey, goddamn you,
hitting my goddamn balls.

Listen, motherfucker, drops your cocks,
and put on your socks, man.

We're late for
the fucking party.

Hey!

Hey, seriously, get up man.

We got to go.

Giff's going to be
pissed as fuck, come on.

Argh.

Lazy motherfucker, let's move.

Something I've been
meaning to tell you,

something, I didn't
want to say in front of Sue.

Yeah, what's that?

I didn't save up that money.

Where did you get it?

I stole it from Giff.

What?

Yeah, walked right
into his office.

Took it from his safe.

Fuck you, that's bullshit.

Swear it.

One night, he got so drunk.

He started talking about
crazy shit, tells me,

his favorite number, gives
me a whole spiel about it.

Guess what is?

69.

I mean, he fucking
loves that number.

Says it's a symbol,
says it represents

the best in human nature.

He even has a little
saying about it.

69, I'll suck yours
if you suck mine.

Yeah, it's kind of like
it's a golden rule.

OK, so what the fuck's that have

to do with you
breaking into his safe?

Well, I figured it out.

It's his pin number.

It's also his Powerball
number, 696969.

Well, there's only
five numbers, so,

the rest of it depends on
what he's feeling that day,

but, most importantly, it's-

The combo to his safe.

Yup.

It's gotta be the dumbest
thing I ever heard.

Yeah, kind of serves him right.

Can't believe
you stole that money.

Just don't say
anything, all right?

Hey, you boys are late.

You, come on, I need you.

What the fuck, Giff?

What the fuck, yourself.

I want some answers
right now, motherfucker.

You ask that bean burrito
where my fucking money is.

Oh, your money?

My fucking money, my dinero.

I know that much spik
speak, motherfucker.

Now, you fill in the rest.

You ask him where
my fucking money is.

OK, Giff, OK.

Ernesto, Ernesto,

No, see, Giff, he has
no idea where it is.

Sure he does, sure he does.

My fucking money, my
money, in my office,

in my safe, where you fucking
broke into, motherfucker.

Now I want to know
where my fucking money is.

Wait, wait.

Ernesto, No.

Where's my fucking money, bitch?

I could do this all day.

Want me to do all fucking day?

That's enough!
I could do it all fucking day.

Is that what you want?
Where's my fucking money?

Where's my fucking money,
you son of a bitch.

Give me my fucking money.

I could do this all
day, motherfucker.

Stop it!

He didn't take it.

Who the fuck did?

It's not like it got up and
walked out of here on it's own.

I did.

I took the money.

You took my money?

Yeah, I took it.

Why?

- Why did you do that?
- He didn't take it.

Why?

Because he was
supposed to watch you.

He was supposed to keep you from
taking my money, and he didn't.

Plus, I wanted you to
know how serious I am.

You know how serious I am?

- Yes.
- Sure?

OK, good.

Where's my fucking money?

I don't have it.

Where is it?

I spe-I spent it.

Heh, heh, wait a minute.

OK, let me get this straight.

You blew 20 fucking
grand over the weekend?

20 grand?

That's right hotshot,
20 fucking grand.

You know, that money you
stole, it wasn't mine.

It was my boss's.

But I covered it for you.

Cause that's just
the kind of guy I am.

Oh, now, you know my boss is?

I didn't know you
had a boss, Giff.

Oh yeah, I surely do.

I surely do.

You see, a few years ago,
business wasn't so hot.

Almost as bad as it is today.

I had a third mortgage to
cover, and-well, there

wasn't a bank in the world
that was going to cover my ass.

So I took out a loan.

Kind of the way you did.

The guy who loaned me
that money became my boss,

cause I couldn't pay it back.

His name was Big Red.

You ever heard of him?

Sure you have, everybody's
heard of Big Red.

Big fucking Red.

I- I understand, Giff,
but I don't have any money.

Well, it's a good thing I
know where to get it then.

All right, here's the deal.

Now, you know about
my boss right?

Good.

What you probably
can't imagine is

I hate working for
that motherfucker,

almost as much as you
hate working for me.

And this weekend, while you were
out spending all that money,

I was stuck alone,
at home, thinking.

It's all I could do, was think.

And the thinking I did.

Mostly, I was thinking about
what to do with el rigor muerto

out there, cause I
thought he had done it.

Then, then I come
up with something.

Something that
was more than just

me feeding his balls
to his brother.

I came up with a plan.

Now, you may have noticed that
the first Sunday of every month

that red truck comes
into the cotton gin.

What you might not have
noticed is that they drop off

cash, whole lot of
cash, Big Red's cash.

And then on the
following Wednesday,

that truck returns
to pick up said cash.

Why?

Big Red launders the money
through the cotton gin.

So you see, what
you're going to do

is you're going to steal that
money before the next pick up.

Wait, what?

Just like what
you done on Friday.

Just the load's going to
be a hell of a lot bigger.

Yes.

I was, going to scare the
quesadilla in to doing it.

But then, this happened, and
well, you got half a chromosome

on him, easy, so that'll
make things good for us.

Now, you-did you
help spend that money?

No, yes.

Did you help spend that money?

Well, I'll be damned.

That makes you an accessory.

And if you could spend that
money, you sure as shit

could steal it, right?

Yup, boss.

Who else?

Who else helped you?

There ain't no way you two
tards could spend that money

on your own, had to be somebody
else there to help you.

Who was it?

No, Giff, see, it was just us.

Children should be seen,
and not heard, motherfucker.

Giff, I don't know
what to tell you-

Do you have any
doubts that I will

blow your fucking brains
all over this office?

You have any fucking doubt?

It was-yes, Sue, OK.

Sue?

Good, old Sue.

Motherfucker.

Come on.

Sue is going to kill you.

I very much doubt
Sue's going to kill me.

On the other hand, man,
I'm not so sure about Giff.

Why the fuck did you have
to open your goddamn mouth?

He was beating him to death.

Well, you sure as shit stopped
that by getting him shot.

Jesus Christ.

Fuck it.

Come on, help me with it.

I don't understand.

Hey, college boy, come on,
help me out with this shit.

It's like you said, you
stole Giff's fingers.

No need to point fingers.
We've got to move on.

We're well passed
the blame game.

OK, abra-fucking-cadabra,
Giff's money went poof.

Now, we have to replace it.

Lucky for us, a man named
Big Red just so happens

to launder money
through the cotton gin.

So all we have to do is steal
that money before his truck

comes to pick it
up on Wednesday.

- The end.
- Thank you, Bobby.

That much I got.

Now, what I didn't get,
and what I still don't get,

is why the hell I
have to steal it.

It's all yours, partner.

Well, because old Giff
has a logic all his own.

BJ, what the
hell does that mean?

It means he found out that
you helped spend the money.

And according to
the book of Giff,

that makes it your duty
to help repalce it.

And how the hell
did he find that out?

And if we don't?

You don't want to
go there, trust me.

Bobby's right.

Let's just do it.

Now, how we going to do it?

That's the next question, right?

We're going to need equipment.

- Equipment?
- Yes, Sue, equipment.

Now, borrowed, my
sister's baby monitors.

We use them as
walkies, it'll give

us the whole play by play on it.

BJ, baby monitors
only work one way.

Really?

No shit.

And, oh yeah, my
nephew's cap guns.

We'll pull plugs, paint them
up right, make them look real.

And for our faces, we'll
use these, you know.

Oh, wait, are those
your sisters too?

They sure as shit ain't mine.

Look, I'm not put
anything on my face

that's been on her
fat, veiny ass.

Let's just get back on track.

Now, we arrive at 6:00
in the AM on Wednesday,

hours before Big Red's men
show up for the pick up.

Head through the back of
the gin, mask and gloves

on, fake guns looking real.

Now there's no security,
no one's doing any rounds,

so it shouldn't be any trouble.

Stick to the walls, and
stick to the shadows,

you should be fine.

Now, there's video
surviellance of four cameras,

but don't worry, I
helped put them in.

Once you get to the
monitors, just turn them off.

From there, we'll find
a way through the gin.

Head towards the main office,
there will be only one door.

Crack it open with the crowbar,
make it look like a break in.

Wait-wait, wait, wait,
wait, what about the Wolfsons?

They'll recognize me,
they go to my church.

It'll be 6:00 AM.

If they do show
up, lucky for you,

you'll be wearing
my sister's nylons.

And, I mean, you've got a gun.

Oh my God.

Now you go to the next room.

And you'll see a safe,
but that's not the one.

The real safe is in the
back room, to the left.

Bingo.
How're we supposed to get in?

Here's the best part.

Norm Wolfson is
so goddamn old, he

can't remember the combination.

So he wrote it down
on an index card,

taped to the bottom of his desk.

Star, 33, 26, 15, pound.

You'll find two bags.

Peek inside and you shall find
them packed, with clean green.

If so, get the fuck out.

- And that's it?
- That's It.

What about the money?

Oh yeah, we give it back
to Giff, we're good to go.

- This Wednesday?
- Yeah, three days from now, 6:00 AM.

So what do you say?

What is there to say?

That's the spirit.

Now, I've got to go get
some walkie talkies,

you want to come with?

I'll pass, I'm all tuckered out.

How about you?

Naw, naw, you
know, I should go home.

See my mom.

Haven't seen her since Corpus.

Okey dokie.

Need a lift?

I'm all right, I'm
going to walk it.

Well, whatever you say, hoss.

Hey, Bob, see you tomorrow.

Yeah, see you.

All right.

- Hey.
- Hi.

So what are we going to do?

I don't know.

I mean, I know
what we should do.

We should call the police.

You don't think so?

No, I thought we should've.

I've been thinking it all day.

Then what now?

Now, I know we should.

So you'll do it?

No-

- Why?
- No, Bobby don't.

- We can't do this.
- Why?

Because it'll kill him.

BJ, is that you?

Yeah, buddy, it's me.

Just go back to bed, OK?

OK.

Say your prayers?

Yes.

Good boy.

Hello, yeah.

Hey, Giff, it's, it's me.

Well, well, little Bobby Jones.

What can I do you for,
little Bobby Jones?

I just, um, need to
talk to you, Sheriff.

You need to talk to me?

Yeah, that's right,
I need to talk to you.

OK, well, get to talking.

OK, well, the thing
is what I need you to-

Do you want to talk
to me in my office?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Just come on, right over there.

Claire, buzz him in, thank you.

I'll be in my office.

- Come on.
- OK.

- Right in here.
- All right, thank you.

Bobby, here's the thing.

You tell me you
need to talk to me.

That's right.

Yeah, well, see,
that's a funny thing,

needs-about what we need.

What do you mean?

Well, what I mean is, a lot
of the time, what we think

we need, it's not
what we need at all.

You know what I'm saying?

No.

All right, take me, for example.

For the longest
time, I thought what

I needed was this little
19-year-old Mexican stripper I

had on the side.

Heh, heh, heh-on the
side of Mrs. Sheriff.

Man, I really
thought I needed her.

I mean, like I was going to
bust if I didn't have her.

I mean, I really thought-
I believed I needed it.

The thing is, Bobby, I didn't.

What I needed was to not be
paying a shit ton of alimony

to Mrs. Sheriff.

You following me?

Ye-yeah.

N- no, I'm, I'm
sorry, I'm not sure.

I truly did not
need to be paying

the alimony I'm paying now.

Alimony that has caused me all
manner of poor and compromising

decision making, and
questionable dealings.

I did not need to be chasing
that little Mexican tail.

I wanted to.

I didn't need to.

I didn't need it.

OK.

OK, you're following me then.

Well, no, um, no, I'm sorry,
I don't-I don't exactly.

I mean, I understand
that you got divorced.

I mean, that sucks.

I'm real sorry about that.

OK, Bobby
shit-for-brains, I guess

I'm just going to have to
spell it out for you, ain't I?

Give you the short bus version.

I guess so.

The point is you come here
saying you need to talk to me.

That's right.

What I'm saying
is that you might

just be mistaken, like I was.

Maybe,

you need to keep your promises.

Do what you say you're
going to do, for the people

you say you're
going to do it for.

Are you following me?

You still need to talk to me?

Get in.

Oh, hey, Giff.

Um, no, you know, I was
just going to walk it.

Naw, I could use the fresh air.

What you could use
is a ride in my truck.

I ain't going to ask you again.

You know, I've been spending a
lot of time with your boy, BJ.

And I'm thinking, what with you
and Sue going off to college,

that's he's feeling
kind of left out.

I mean, I don't mean
to get all pshycological

and all that stuff.

But, you know, the little
bastard never had a daddy.

I think somebody,
with a Ph.D. and a goatee,

might say that I fill
that void for him.

And when he looks
at me for guidance

and what not, and any-
doesn't fucking matter.

The point is over
the past year, I've

gotten to know him pretty good.

Nothing like you, you got
17 years on me and all that.

I think we can safely say
that you are a BJ expert.

You get to say that, BJ expert.

Hmph, well, what I was
hoping that maybe we

could use your expertise here
to insure a hypothetical,

which really isn't
a hypthetical.

It's more like a potential.

What do you think BJ
would do if he ever

found out about you
and his girl, Sue?

I'm not sure what you're
talking about, Giff.

Well, don't lie to me, son.

Ten to one, I sniff that
metal digit of yours,

I'm going to get a whiff of
Sue, which, to be perfectly

honest with you, sounds
pretty damn good about now.

But I digress and I repeat.

What do you think BJ would
do if he ever found out

you were wetting your
finger with his girl, Sue?

Well, I-I wouldn't
want to know, Giff.

Cause it ain't true.

Boy, you sure as
shit like to gamble

for somebody with such
a shit poker face.

That's OK, I like gambling too.

Hey, that's what they
call commonality.

We share something.

If we wanted to, we
could bond over it.

Sure.

You know-

You know, I'm sort of
getting the feeling

that you're on the
fence about Wednesday.

I'm also getting the feeling
that you might be deciding

to share your feelings with
someone outside the circle,

about what's going on
inside said circle.

Look, Giff, um, I
haven't said a word.

Now, whatever you
do this Wednesday,

um, I'm not going
to tell anybody.

OK, why would you?

I ain't going to be
doing anything Wednesday.

The doing is going to be done
by you, and BJ, and Sue, right?

You hear that?

Sounds like game time to me.

Bring in the mamacita.

Let the games begin.

Wait-

Well, with a mouth like
that, who needs an asshole?

Fuck you.

All right, well,
that's not the game, dear.

Thank you for the offer, though.

Speaking of offers,
I like to call

this one what's your price.

Rules of the game
are very simple.

I make an offer, the contestant
can either accept it, or not.

If they do, they get paid.

If they don't, they don't.

Get it?

Got it?

Good.

Contestant number
one, that's you, Sue.

$50, if you suck this
bean eater's burrito dry.

Fuck you.

No, no, no, baby, I
said that's not the game.

The game is

$100, if you fuck him
till his pecker falls off.

No?

200?

3?

$400?

$400, $400, going
once, going twice,

not sold to the
fucking potty mouth

with the very, very bad manners.

You know, it's all right.

I kind of had a feeling
you wouldn't accept,

and I'm very glad you
didn't disappoint.

Because, well,
round two is always

so much more fun than round one.

Contestant number two, Pedro.

$400, if you drop trou and fuck
this bitch dry, right here.

OK!

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

OK, what?

OK, I'll do it.

You'll do what?

This Wednesday, I'll do it.

And that is how you
play what is your price.

I guess we found out
yours, didn't we?

OK, so let me get this straight.

You got two days to
get your shit together,

and if you don't follow
through, well, I'm

going to do more to your
sweet pea than hollow

out her honey hole.

You follow?

Get.

Same goes for you, baby.

Let's go, boys.

You OK?

You OK?

How about you?

Yeah.

You know, I, um,
I've been thinking.

Yeah?

About what?

I think we should
take the money and run.

Are you serious?

Yeah, don't give a
goddamned nickel to Giff.

Just, you know, grab the
loot, and never look back.

Bobby, if we do that, all
we'll ever do is look back.

Over our shoulders, every
step of the way, until Giff,

or Big Red, or worse,
catches up with us.

I'm just, hmph, I'm
just saying, is all.

I know.

And I'm just saying
we're already leaving.

Let's not give this shit hole
town a reason not to let us go.

Let's just stick
to the plan, OK?

So you're still going
to make the call?

Yeah, soon as I get to
work, and get to a computer,

I'll find the number
and I'll make the call.

You still think you got it?

Rain falls on 32 men, right?

OK, now, get out of here.

You'll make me late for work.

Right.

Is there anyone

listening to me who doesn't wish
they could change their past?

Re-write their own life story?

Hey, you.
Hey, you, back.

Thinking about a
phone call I got today.

Oh, was it a man?

Not hardly.

It was Ms. Betty.

What did she want?

To congratulate me and you.

For what?

Well, she heard you were
going away to college.

I told her she was mistaken.

We don't have any college
boys in this house, just

cotton boys.

Yeah, yeah, you should
be real proud of that.

Jesus Christ, BJ, what the fuck?

Want to know what
I'm doing here?

Why I climbed through
your window unannounced?

We need to talk.

We need to talk?

We do, indeed.

What we need to talk
about, it's important.

How important?

Shit, man, I climbed
through your window

unannounced important.

Is it bad?

Well, partner, it ain't good.

Millers.

Hey, Sue, you've
got a phone call.

- Hello.
- Hey, they're moving it up.

Moving what up?

Tomorrow.

To when?

To midnight, tonight.

Tonight?

Did you tell him anything?

Who?

BJ, who do you think?

No, tell him what?

About us?

What, of course not.
Why would I do that?

I don't know, to beat me to it?

Bobby, are you serious?
You think I'd do that?

No, shit.

OK, it's fine.

Let's just, this
could be good, right?

I mean, we don't know, it
might not be bad, right?

Can you hand me a towel, please?

Hot damn, you really
read all this shit?

Is that a joke?

It's a question,
don't get so defensive.

It's a stupid question.
Why else would I have them?

I don't know, for decoration.

OK, smarty pants,
what's this one about?

It's about a family curse,
a stolen emerald necklace,

an unidentified body
found in a squire's grave,

and a family tradition involving
a nine hour bell ringing

ceremony to kick
off the new year.

It's over long,
arguably unreadable,

but it's a well written
sequence involving redemption.

What about this one?

Oh, this?

This is-well,
maybe not technically

the best, but hands down my
favorite in the Nero Wolfe series.

It's, it's about a chess master

murdered by poisonous
hot chocolate.

But the twist is he's not
the real intended victim.

The real intended
victim is the man

who is serving the
hot chocolate, a man

by the name of
Blounce something.

So he's arrested and
charged with murder,

because all the evidence
points to him, which

was the real killer's
plan all along.

So like the title, the murder
turns out to be a gambit.

I just realized.

What's that?

We're a lot alike, you and me.

Oh, come on.

I know you don't want to
admit it, but it's true.

Most people don't know who the fuck
they are, what the fuck they want.

But not us?

Not us.

I think some go to college
to figure this shit out.

Others, you know, travel.

Go backpacking to places where
pot and prostitution are legal,

all in the name
of self discovery

or whatever the fuck
you want to call it.

But not you, not me.

We're the exceptions.

Though, you're going to college.

To get the hell
out of this place.

Oh, yeah, yeah, to get of here.

Partly, I don't, I don't
doubt that for a second.

I mean, you always were too
good for the rest of us.

But the real reason is
cause you know who you are,

what you want, how to get it.

I mean, you want to
be a writer, right?

Write books and shit,
mysteries like these.

Come on, honey,
don't act so shocked.

I remember.

I remember everything
you ever told

me, every motherfucking word.

And I think about it a lot.

And maybe that's
lame, but it's true.

You know what else is true?

I know who I am, what I
want, and how to get it.

Know who doesn't?

Bobby.

That's who.

Now, don't get me wrong,
he's smart, book smart.

So he's going to college,
well, whoop-de-dee-fucking-doo.

Well, not me.

Whole reason why I'm not
going to college or going

backpacking, it's not
because I ain't got the money

or the book smarts,
because I don't.

But the real reason is just
like you I know who I am,

what I want, how to get it.

None of those things
are a part of the plan.

So what is part of the plan?

Wouldn't you like to know?

That's why I asked.

Hear about tonight?

No.

We're doing it at 12, midnight,
instead of tomorrow at six.

It's as far as I could push it.

How would've I have
heard about that?

I don't know, thought you might
have heard from a little bird

by the name of Bobby.

Maybe you two met up
at the Whataburger,

had a little fun day.

Well, anyways, times
may have changed,

but the plans stay the same.

OK, tonight, I got it.

You should go.

What if I don't?

That's what I always
liked about you, Sue.

You always were,
straight shooter.

Lately, I think it seems that
you've been hiding something.

I can't really put
my finger on it,

but I'm sure they smell fishy.

Hello.

Hi, can
I speak to Bobby, please?

Bobby, goddamn phone.

Coming.

- Hello.
- Hey, it's me.

Bobby?

Is everything OK?

Hi, Bobby.

Hey.

Till seven, Bobby-rino.

Till seven.

All right, I'm going to hang
back here as look out, OK?

Wait, what?

Shit, you want to
deal with the cops?

Because if they show
up, and you're outside.

I mean, that's where
you're getting in to, hun.

Bob, if see anything out of the
ordinary, I'll let you know.

Then what?

Look, just stick
to the fucking plan.

Fuck it.

Let's go.

Jesus.

This is fucked up.

- Monitor's down.
- What?

Hey, BJ, the monitor's down.

Why the fuck are
the monitors down?

Hey, man, don't worry about it.

Just keep on moving, OK.

Coast is clear out here.

OK.

Bobby, I don't-I have
a bad feeling about this.

Where the the
fuck's the crowbar?

Oh.

Look over there.

Wait.

- Bobby?
- What?

- It's already open.
- What?

It's open.

Got it.

It's, 33, 26,-

OK, hold on.
15.

Bobby, the safe's empty.

What?

It's fucking empty.

Wha-what do you
mean it's fucking empty?

I mean there's not a
goddamn thing in here.

Fuck, Bobby, just
turn on the lights.

Fuck.

I got it.

Holy shit.

- Mr. Wolfson?
- Oh my God.

OK, Sue, we got to go.

Sue, we got to go.

BJ.

BJ-

What the fuck?

You think that you're
so fucking smart.

Both of you, I mean, you thought
you were going away together.

Well, guess what?

You are, but, not to
college, and not together.

It was all part of the plan.

All of it.

Giff came up with it.

Right after, I
told him about you two.

After I told him what you've
been doing behind my back.

You know what, we fixed
you, we fixed you good.

We got you to take Big
Red's loot so we can take it

from you, and then, well,
we'd bust you for it.

That's the stupidest
thing I ever heard.

Yeah?

Well, you fell for it.

Both of you.

Yup, and it looks like
we're not the only ones.

Now, what the fuck
does that mean?

It means, BJ, that if this
was all part of your plan, then

you must've been the ones
to kill the Wolfsons right?

What the fuck did you just say?

What the fuck is she
talking about man?

Listen, man, the Wolfsons
are fucking dead, OK?

Fucking shot through
the head, dead.

You're lying.

Where did you put the money?

There is no fucking money.

Where'd you put
the fucking money?

What'd you fucking
do with the money?

Settle down there, BJ.

What the fuck?

It's in a safe place.

It's all right.

Hey, sweet pea.

Give me that, son.

Sorry, Giff, I didn't-I
didn't mean to take your gun.

I didn't mean to.

Now, it's all right.

Look, I don't understand.

They-they said the
Wolfsons are dead,

but I told them
that was bullshit.

Because, you know,
they exist, right?

There's no-there's no way you
would kill somebody who exists,

right?

Just fucking Mexicans, right?

Just fucking Mexicans.

I would, I would-I would
never kill the Wolfsons.

But they did have do die,
there's no argument there.

They work for Big Red, you
know, loose ends and whatnot.

I dont-I don't understand.

Are they dead or
they ain't dead?

Oh, they are as dead as disco.

Wait, I mean, if you didn't
kill them, who the fuck did?

Well, you did.

No, I didn't.

I didn't-I didn't
fucking kill nobody.

Yes, you did.

It was you too, sweet pea.

And you, Bobby.

Well, you were all in
on it, and then when

I caught you red
handed, what'd you do?

You all put guns on me.

I mean, come the fuck on.

Wait, wait, Giff, look.

Not real, right?

Not real.

Yeah, that's all right.

I'll put a real one in
your hand after I drop you.

FYI, it'll be the same piece
you used on the Wolfsons.

But I, I-I didn't.

Sure you did.

You did.

And I caught you in the act.

Well, at least that's what
I'm going to tell whoever asks

after I call the cops to pick
up whatever is left of you two.

Hell, I might even get
elected sheriff for this.

Replace that greedy sack of
stupid waiting for his 10%.

Where was I, again?

Oh, yeah.

No, hold on, hold on.

OK, I'm waiting.

Big Red, I told him.

All right, I like games,
honey, but I don't have time-

No, no, no, it's not a
game, Giff, it's real.

Oh, shit.

I told him everything, and
he's coming here for you.

No, you didn't.

I did.

No, you didn't.

I mean, how could you?

I called him.

OK, see, right there.

That is the biggest
pile of steaming

horse shit I have ever heard.

What do you mean you called him?

What did you do?

Look him up in the Yellow
Pages, under gangster?

Or in the white
pages, under Red?

No, I Nancy Drew-ed
it, motherfucker.

When Big Red's
men made the drop,

Bobby took down the plates.

When he told me what
happened, I got an idea.

Rain falls on 32 men.

I typed it in, and just
like that, I got a number.

And I called it.

And a man answered.

You know what I did?

I did what no one ever does.

I told the goddamn truth.

So he's coming here.

He's coming for you.

Armed to the teeth
with guns, and knives,

and whatever the medieval
fucked up bullshit he uses.

And that means you're fucked.

Now, how do I know
you ain't bluffing?

Because if I didn't call
him, then why the fuck did he

you call you and tell
you he was coming early?

He did?

Yes, he did.

No, he didn't.

Now, you're bluffing.

Nuh-I don't have to.

Already did.

That's how I know
you're full of shit.

No, Giff, it's not-

Now you're going to die.

No, no, no, I did call-

Run!

Wait, wait.

OK.

Hey, you know, Big
Red never called.

Nobody called, that was
just a bunch of bull shit.

Yeah, hey, you know, the only
reason I even said he called,

the only reason I
even moved it up,

was to make sure you fucktards
went through with it.

I must-I have to admit, I
am a little bit impatient,

and I do like to change the
rules mid-game because it just

makes it so much more exciting.

Like in Gladiator,
when they release

those tigers right in
the middle of the fight.

Or in Rocky 2, do you
remember that one?

When the Southpaw learned to
fight with his right hand.

Oh, probably wasn't
expecting that at all.

And what did that do?

It made for a better
fight, didn't it?

Why?

Because Rocky changed the rules.

Just like I did to
you, motherfucker.

I hear you.

Oh, that was fun.

Bobby, now turn that
frown upside down.

You are looking at
this all wrong, son.

And you shouldn't be
pissing your pants

like you are right now.

No, you should be-hell,
you should be thanking me.

Cause that's what
I'm trying to do.

I am trying to-I'm trying to
save you from a world of pain,

like a three legged horse,
I am putting you down, boy.

Take a look at her.

Go on, take a good
long look at her.

She ain't going
to stay with you.

You all leaving here for
bigger and better things.

That's exactly what she's
going to find, Bobby.

No more Bobby shit-for-brains.

She's going to get
herself a city boy.

With all kinds of
money, ambition, hell,

maybe he'll even have
a driver's license.

No, I'm telling you, Bobby,
she was going to leave you,

and she wasn't even
going to look back.

So, it's not like I'm killing
you, more like I'm saving you.

Um, Bobby, Bobby.

Bobby, open your eyes.

Bobby, open your eyes now, OK?

I love you.

Now, now, Nancy Drew.

Now, look at you.

Yeah, look at me.

You used to have two boyfriends,

and now you ain't got none.

Fuck you.

OK, very tempted, but
I can't feel anything

from the neck down, at
this moment in time.

You expecting someone, baby?

Oh, shit.

Shit.

You Sue?

I am.

Big fucking Red.

Where's my money, Sue?

You have to take that
up with this brokeback

fucktard over here.

Is that right?

That's right.

The money wasn't in the safe.

That right, Giff?

Are you the-how
did she put it-

the fucktard thats got my money?

Who is this other fucktard?

That's Bobby.

Bobby?

I'm not a fucktard.

I thought you were dead.

I think my ribs are broke.

And my arm, maybe.

Don't think I'm dead, though.

Not yet, you're not.

Well, Sue, I suggest that you,
pick up your little friend

here and the two you get the
fuck out of my cotton gin.

Now.

I'll be having a chat
with Old Giff here.

Just a word or two about
the whereabouts of my money,

would you say Giff?

Where's my money?

In my butt.

Hey, Big Red, did
I ever tell you

that that is the dumbest most
un-inspiring gangster name

I have ever heard in my life.

What did you do, drive
around in your big red car,

in your big truck
and say, I'm Big Red?

Is that one of the 32 ways?

What do you mean?

To tell a story.

You said there were 32 ways.

I didn't say that,
Jim Thomson did.