Original subtitles

Alright monk brother...

How do I know you are not bullshitting like the others?

I don’t lie.

I don’t need to.

Whatever has to happen, will happen.

Just like...

your death at the hands of the immortal man.

Ooh! Spooky eh?

Not spooky. It’s the truth.

Okay, okay,

now when I meet this immortal man, how do I...

kill this immortal man?

Got you there, didn’t I?

When the immortal person will feed the elixir to someone else and make them immortal,

then and only then,

will he become a mortal.

Thank you.

Where is the fucking bottle?

He has it.

No, Maharaj, try and remember.

The elixir was in your hands while I was narrating the story of the 'Churning of the Ocean'.

I left immediately after, but you were at home. You have it.

Such carelessness does not suit an immortal being.

Please just stop talking about immortal beings.

Do you know, all this is happening because of you?

Quiet!

What the fuck?

You had one job!

To keep the fucking immortality potion safe!

You fucking lost it!

I’m gonna count to three.

If I don’t find the potion,

I will blow your fucking brains off!

One!

Two!

Three!

[Frame crashes] Fuck!

You dumb fucking Indians!

One fucking job you had, one fucking job!

And you misplaced the bottle!

You fucking lost the bottle!

I traveled for twelve fucking hours from Moscow!

My boss…He is on his way!

If I don’t find that potion!

Get up assholes, get up!

Look for the fucking bottle!

Energy! Quick!

Quick, Quick, Quick!

So Dr. Goldfish,

while the whole concept of immortality is really exciting,

there are a lot of critics.

Yes, I really hope they don't get it.

Let me ask you something.

If I offer you immortality, would you take it?

Me? No, I think I am pretty much done here.

You see, that there is a strange, inane human hypocrisy, I observe everywhere.

If I were to stop somebody on the street and ask them, “Do you want immortality?”

They'll invariably say, “No, its…it's too much, it's too long, it's too painful.”

But if I ask them that same question on their death bed,

“Do you want immortality?”

They'll invariably flip like a leaf in a hurricane.

No, but seriously, there are a lot of renowned scientists, philosophers,

who are questioning that even if humanity did achieve immortality, do we really need it?

I mean, isn't it against the order of nature, against the order of mankind?

Well, you see, it's human nature to fear change, to fear invention.

Imagine before, before fire was discovered,

people would have thought its dangerous, things may burn down, people may die.

If we had bowed down to that human fear,

would we have been able to enjoy our weekend barbeques like we do today?

Well, thankfully we don't have too much of that here in India but no, I get what you are saying.

Umm, my next question is, why exactly is your name Goldfish?

It doesn't work like this, get Kartik’s signature first.

Oh, I can't reach him on phone,

come on don't get formal now.

Remember I covered the Hip Hop story for you?

Yeah.

Thanks!

What’s this?

Oh, this is a story I have been working on, “Earliest photograph of India.”

It’s just been recovered and remastered.

Like, this. This is the moment when the British took the Kohinoor from Raja Duleep Singh.

Fascinating stuff.

Can I just…

- Ahh! Ah… - Shh! Don’t move.

You are only allowed to move your lips.

Where am I?

Bandra...

Why am I here?

So that I can get to your little lover.

What?

No, no, no, no, no...

This…. this is a horrible misunderstanding

Nakul and me... No!

No! I have nothing to do with Nakul except that I am his therapist.

- Shh... -[Shloka] I'm...

Blue tick!

Sure baby.

Got it, thank you.

[Shloka mumbles]

Gentlemen!

Which one of you dumb fucks kept the potion in the shoe rack?

You found it? Give it to me.

Hey!

Forgive me for doubting you Nakul maharaj.

Back the fuck off! Back the fuck off!

Can I go now?

Not so soon, Maharaj brother.

You gotta feed me the potion first.

What?

What is he saying, Maharaj?

Feed the potion to me.

He is asking me to feed the potion to him.

No, Maharaj, don't do it. It will be catastrophic.

What? What’s he saying?

He said no.

Don't be scared of the gun. You are immortal. He cannot harm you.

Shut the fuck up!

- And you! -[Nakul fumbling]

Nakul Maharaj, think about what you are going to do!

He is trying to steal the elixir at the gunpoint now,

imagine what he'll do once he becomes immortal.

The future of humanity rests on your decision

We don’t even know what he did to Shloka.

Nakul Maharaj, if you feed him the elixir.

I... I will curse you.

You and Sholka will never be together. [Gunfire]

Fuck! [Rubble crashes on the floor]

Okay, okay!

Enough!

Okay, okay, okay! I…. I…

Feed this to me.

This is a disaster!

- [Interviewer] Thank you so much. - [Goldfish] Pleasure. Thank you.

[Mobile phone rings]

Hello Goldfish.

Jim, I’m here. Where are you?

Brother, brother, plans have changed a little bit.

Why, what happened?

I just became the most powerful man alive. That is what just happened.

Do you have the immortal guy?

I had the immortal guy.

[Retches]

Jim, stop fucking around!

[Dry heaves]

How can this be?

This means that you are not immortal.

No. I am not, I have been saying so for long. And now I am a murderer.

- But my Guru had said… - To hell with your Guru!

Don’t you dare talk about Guru ji like that.

What the hell is happening? What will I do now?

It is all God’s wish.

We must remove this body from here. This is Shloka’s house.

Oh God, and we don't even know where Shloka is.

How do we stuff his legs inside?

Think something up! Why do I have to do all the planning?

Why the hell did you come into my life? Why?

[Gun fire]

Majid?

- Ok next one? - [Constable] Yes sir.

Once upon a time in a hotel, there was a blind cashier,

a crippled chef and a stuttering waiter.

And a guest was killed in that hotel.

Murder.

A detective came to investigate.

During the interrogation, the blind cashier said that he was counting cash at the time of the murder.

The crippled chef said that he was cooking mutton at the time of the murder.

And the stuttering waiter said that he had gone to his hometown at that time.

Yes.

The detective arrested the stuttering waiter.

Tell me why?

- Why? - Why?

Because he was stuttering while giving the interview.

[Everyone breaks into a laughter]

Wow sir!

- [Police 1] Great joke sir! - [Police 2] So much fun.

Manage this yourself and bring the file to me.

Vitthal sir, I am heading back home.

Hey, mountain man, I forgot to tell you something.

Someone has spotted the monk you are looking for.

What?

Yes, a lady had come. She gave her address.

- When did she come? - Yesterday evening.

So why didn’t you tell me earlier?

You know how busy I have been since then.

But we just ate snacks together.

Snacks… Yeah. Wasn't it great?

[Shloka's muffled cries]

[Shloka sobs]

Raise the stakes?

Yeah! [Splash]

Let it be….

Come on, continue the game.

There you go.

Nakul, son, don’t be offended,

but now that you are not immortal, the elixir cannot be with you.

I don't even want it. You can take it from the car.

To be honest, I would've been happier if it were you.

I don't understand where Shloka has disappeared.

Think hard, what did you see in the end?

First, I got a message, then I talked on the phone.

Then I was on the stairs and I saw that woman, Upadhyay.

Upadhyay is a noble caste, yet she is so evil.

- Why is her name Upadhyay? - Why is your name Fokatiya?

Hey! No, Guruji!!

Hey, hey!

Hey, leave him, let him go.

Leave him!

Let him go.

[Wind gains momentum]

[Car comes to a screeching halt]

[Car door locks]

[Shloka mumbles]

[Muffled screams]

He didn't die once again, right?

He can't die anyway...

Because he is immortal.

That woman is immortal.

Alright. Let's go.

[Door bell rings]

Shloka?

Shloka Sreenivasan?