Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) I knew if I didn't leave today, I'd

be here forever.

I miss everyone, but I need to do

this.

Tell them all goodbye.

So she's gone?

Yes.

Chris, I made a big mistake.

For the first time in my life, I

know exactly what I want.

I want to be with you.

What about Reggie?

Is she okay?

I have no idea.

She left town.

Oh, no, no, no!

I was digging around the kitchen.

There's not much left.

There's nothing to eat?

Well, there's this French bread, made in France,

during the revolution.

Oh, goodness, coffee.

I'll take a cup.

I don't work here.

You don't work anywhere.

Just give it to me.

Murder in Brooklyn.

Murder in Queens.

Oh, my God.

The Yankees lost.

Oh, gosh.

That coffee tastes like dirt.

Is Reggie back?

No, but it's an honest mistake.

She made it before she left.

Actually, I got a call from Reggie this

morning from Miami.

You're kidding.

No, I'm not.

She hooked up with some of her old

modeling friends.

They're going to bum around Europe for a

while.

Oh, that sounds great.

No plans, no worries.

She's probably not even shaving her legs.

Well, I imagine it's very liberating.

You know something?

I'm happy for Reggie.

There comes a point sometimes in your life

when anything, you know, anything is better than

what you got.

Yeah, for her, that point was sleeping with

you.

Hey, her life sucked before I came along.

I was just the straw that broke the...

Oh, drop dead.

So, Becca, how'd it go with you and

Chris last night?

Oh, well, you know, I took her out

to, you know, give her the good news

about wanting to be with her and not

Reggie.

I'm not getting the good news aspect of

it.

Go on.

Anyway, when I told her, she flipped out

and threw a bunch of drinks in my

face.

You're kidding.

That was you?

You heard something?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, me too.

I heard a couple of people talking about

it down at the post office.

Oh, great.

It's all over town.

You know, it just proves my curly hair

theory.

Yeah, the crazy starts deep in the brain

and it just comes twisting out.

First time in my life I'm completely honest

with a woman.

It bites me in the ass.

It's their own fault for telling her the

truth.

Yeah, well, I thought women wanted to hear

the truth.

No, no, no.

They say they do, but they're lying.

Yeah.

Hello, guys.

Hey, Chris.

Hey, Chris.

Hello.

Hello.

Is there coffee?

Oh, no, no.

If she's going to be holding a cup

of hot liquid, I'm out of here.

John, relax.

I know last night I was a little

upset.

A little?

You assaulted me.

With water, not a brick.

Although it's probably a good thing there wasn't

one around.

Look, no matter what it sounded like, I

swear that I had already decided I wanted

to be with you before I knew that

Reggie had left town.

John, there's no need to go over it

again.

It's not like we had some big romance.

Why don't we just put this behind us?

Fine.

Fine.

But I need to know that you believe

me.

What difference does it make?

It's not going to change anything.

I am not going out with you.

Well, good.

I don't want to go out with you,

either.

Fine.

Fine.

But I did the right thing.

I should get credit.

I'll stick a gold star on your homework.

Oh, great.

Now you're being sarcastic.

Really?

Was I?

Look, John, sometimes it takes people years to

realize they're not right for each other.

We're lucky.

We found that out before we even had

one date.

So why don't you just move on?

Oh, I totally moved on.

Fine.

Fine.

Now, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Listen.

These guys saw what happened.

Come on.

You can back me up.

Come on.

Tell her.

All right, all right.

I'm glad to.

Okay, look.

First, he found out that Reggie left.

No, I'm sorry.

First, he slept with her, and then he

found out she left.

And then he ran to tell you that

he was really interested in you.

So then what I thought happened is exactly

what happened.

No, no, no, no.

Wait, wait, wait.

You forgot to tell her the part where

I wanted to be with her before I

knew that Reggie left town.

Oh, you're right.

That does sound better.

Yeah, we forgot to tell you that he

wanted to be with you before you found

out Reggie left town.

You know what?

Next time, I'll call before I come over.

This way, you'll all have time to get

your story straight.

Well, I know that would help me.

Margaret?

Hi.

How you doing?

Hello.

Go ahead.

Ask me.

I don't know if I should.

It's okay.

I got the promotion.

Thanks for that great advice you gave me.

Glad to be of help.

There she is.

Hey!

I swear, you just get prettier every time

I come in.

Oh, aren't you sweet?

And you've changed your hair since the last

time I saw you.

She changed her hair since the last time

I saw her.

Anyway, I'm due for a physical, and since

I was in the neighborhood, I thought I'd

just stop in and make an appointment.

How's tomorrow?

Uh, well, the doctor can see you around

three.

Perfect.

Put my name down.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Great seeing you again.

Isn't he great?

I wonder who he is.

I thought you knew.

Never saw him before in my life.

What was that you're-so-sweet business?

He said I was pretty, and he liked

my hair.

Mr. Edward, these pills should help with your

hypertension, but you're gonna have to learn how

to manage your stress.

You know, uh, go with the flow.

Take life in stride.

Be like a leaf in the wind.

A leaf in the wind?

Just trying to keep him alive, Margaret.

He owes us a lot of money.

So, John, how'd it go last night with

Chris?

What's that supposed to mean?

It means how'd it go with Chris.

Yeah, how'd it go?

Did you have fun?

Are you asking me that because you already

know the answer to that question?

Why would we ask you a question if

we already knew the answer?

Because I think you already know I have

an embarrassing story, and you just want to

put me through the torture of telling it.

No, John.

I'm just saying...

What's going on here?

Is the entire neighborhood whispering and laughing behind

my back?

Ha-ha-ha!

Did you hear what happened to John Becker

on his date last night?

No, John.

Honestly, we didn't hear anything.

Hold on, hold on.

I think I know what this is.

Dr. Becker, don't feel bad.

At one time or another, it happens to

every man.

No, no, no, no.

Chris threw water in my face.

Well, some women are less understanding than others.

Ever since Reggie left, my business is dead.

I only made two bucks this morning.

Hey, look on the bright side.

Oh, I keep forgetting who I'm talking to.

Well, I should probably be mad at Reggie,

but I'm not.

It took a lot of gut for her

to just get up and leave like that.

Although, the way her life was going, she

really didn't have much to lose.

Well, it kind of made you feel better

knowing that there was someone who had it

worse than you do.

Yeah, now who do we have to look

down on?

Hey, guys, what's going on?

Well, Jake was just saying how he only

made two bucks this morning, and I told

him to look on the bright side, and

then I realized for him...

It wasn't a real question, Bob.

Chris was in before.

Oh, yeah?

What'd she say about me?

She didn't say anything.

Well, she just won't let go of this,

will she?

Does she really think that she can come

to the diner I always come to, not

mention me at all, and then think it's

not gonna get back to me?

You know something?

She's just trying to make me go crazy

with this, but she's not.

No, no, no, no.

She's not.

She's not gonna make me crazy.

I'll tell you right now.

You ever wonder how long he keeps talking

after he leaves here?

Three blocks.

I followed him once.

Hey, Jake, we could do what Reggie did.

Sleep with Becca?

No.

We could go right out that door, get

into a cab to the airport, and jump

on the first plane out.

I can't do that.

Come on.

I've got a girlfriend.

I got a business to run.

I can't leave all this behind.

Jake, you made two bucks this morning.

If you double your income, you still can't

buy a happy meal.

Come on.

You gotta take chances in life.

Hey, I walk through traffic with nothing but

a white stick to protect me.

I think I take enough chances.

Fine, fine.

Stay here in your little cubbyhole with your

combs, your candy, and your comic book.

All right, all right.

How long would we be getting?

What's the difference?

I want you and your life to do

something spontaneous.

Oh, what the hell?

Let's do it.

Great.

This could be like a whole new life

for us.

We can go to France and take a

cooking class.

And then we fly to Italy and we

go clothes shopping.

And then it's off to the Greek isles

where it's just you and me in the

surf, swimming, naked.

All right, I'll go.

But we're getting separate rooms.

Hey, Margaret.

Got your message.

What, uh, what'd you need to see me

about?

Well, I'm glad to see you, Chris, but

I didn't call you.

But I got a message at work to

come see Margaret at Dr. Becker's office.

Linda, did you call Chris?

No.

Is there any chance that John is really

lame enough to call where I work and

pretend to be you?

I'll tell him you're here.

Lucas, I know it's scary to get a

shot, but it's okay.

I promise.

It's not gonna hurt, all right?

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna count to three, and it'll all

be over.

John, Chris is here to see you.

One, two, three.

The doctor's just finishing up.

Oh, Linda, uh, could you help...

Oh, Chris, hi.

What a surprise.

Don't give me that.

What do you want?

All right, all right.

I got proof that I was telling you

the truth.

Linda, could you come here, please?

Yes, Dr. Becker?

Yeah, Linda, Chris and I have had a

little misunderstanding.

And I think that you can clear it

up for us.

Go ahead.

Tell her what we talked about.

The doctor told me to be more careful

about mixing up the urine samples.

But in my defense, they really do all

look the same.

No, no, no, the conversation that we had

here, you know, in the office.

Oh.

I told him not to be upset that

it happens to all men.

No, no, no, not that one.

The discussion that we had in my office

the other day about me and Reggie.

Oh, he said that Reggie was a smart

choice, and I tried to talk him into

going with you instead.

No, no, wait, wait, wait.

You're not gonna listen to Linda, are you?

Hey, Chris, please listen.

You gotta believe me.

Don't you think you're getting a little obsessed?

You're obsessed?

You think...

I'm not obsessed!

I'm not obsessed!

I'm going over and over this in my

head ever since last night.

It's all I can think about.

I think I would know if I was

obsessed.

Almost 3 o'clock.

That guy's gonna be here any minute, and

we still don't know his name.

I'm just gonna come out and ask him.

No, you can't do that.

We already acted like we know him.

And he likes my hair.

Well, I'm gonna find out somehow.

Linda, Margaret, I'm here for my checkup.

Yes, we were just talking about you.

Oh, could you please do me a favor?

I know it sounds silly, but the doctor

wants us to have everyone sign in.

I know my handwriting's horrible.

Good thing you know my name.

Yeah, good thing.

Oh, I brought some new photos of the

kids.

Oh, they're adorable.

Thank you.

Oh, wait, you dropped your driver's license.

Oh, don't wanna lose that.

The doctor will be right with you.

You can go to room one.

It's down the hall.

Margaret, I think I know where it is.

Right.

My mistake.

Oh.

John, there's a guy in room one who

acts like he's been coming here for years,

but we have no idea who he is.

That's impossible.

No, it's not.

You should see this guy.

He is completely unremarkable.

It's like looking at vanilla ice cream on

a white plate.

Margaret, I may not like all of these

people, but I guarantee you I know their

names.

Hey there, Dr. Becker.

Hey.

You look good.

Yeah, and you.

Well, you, you, uh...

Yeah, you need a physical.

Why don't you get undressed?

Otherwise...

Who the hell is that?

Told you.

Yeah, well, I'm not playing this game.

I'm just gonna go ask him.

No, you can't.

It'll hurt his feelings.

And he liked my hair.

We have to find out.

He may not even be a real patient.

He could be some lunatic who walked in

off the street trying to get medical attention

for free.

For free?

Oh, that's it.

I'm going in.

Okay.

Oh, Mr. Cavanaugh.

Jim Cavanaugh.

Remember him?

Ah, Mr. Cavanaugh.

The guy with the...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love you.

Oh, John, I got a call from Chris's

new doctor.

She has an appointment today, and they wanted

me to send over her record.

Do you need to send along a note

or anything?

She's switching doctors?

How petty can you be?

Look, she throws water in my face, she

thinks I'm lying, she goes to the diner

and doesn't talk about me, and now she's

switching doctors?

I mean, does she really think that I

don't know what she's up to?

What is she up to?

I don't know, I don't know, but when

I find out, I'm gonna...

Gonna what?

I don't know.

Here we go.

This is gonna be great.

On the road.

Free spirits.

Riding the wind.

So how long are we going for?

I don't know.

Could be a week, a month, or we

could fall in love, get married, and stay

there forever.

But not with each other.

No, not with each other.

Look, you're still up for this, aren't you?

Oh, absolutely.

I'm excited.

Not half as excited as I am.

Hi.

When's your next flight out?

Uh, that would be flight 17 to Paris.

Hey, you hear that, Jake?

In a few short hours, I'll be seeing

Paris, and you'll be smelling it.

I can't wait.

Two one-way tickets, please.

This is the most exciting thing I've ever

done.

And that includes losing my virginity.

Let's catch up on the plate.

Please.

Excuse me, is there a meal on this

flight?

Oh, absolutely.

You have a choice of filet mignon or

lobster thermidor.

You hear that, Jake?

We're eating better already.

And there's complimentary champagne after takeoff.

Perfect.

Is there a movie?

We have a selection of DVDs.

Movie, steak, champagne.

It's like I died and went to Atlantic

City.

Tell me this was a bad idea.

This was a great idea.

Hey, from now on, we live in the

moment.

Take life as it comes.

Hey, you know what I'm looking forward to?

A little bag of salt and peanut they

give you.

I'm sorry, we don't serve peanuts.

That's it.

We're out of here.

I'm right behind you.

What are you doing here?

I have every right to be here.

What are you doing here?

I have a doctor's appointment.

Yeah, well, so do I.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

With Dr. Parks?

Yes, with Dr. Parks.

Can't doctors have doctors?

We don't all heal ourselves, you know.

Dr. Parks is a gynecologist.

Yes, but...

Obviously, you haven't read the latest research.

Why did you follow me here?

Look, I need...

I need you to believe that I wasn't

lying.

It doesn't matter.

It's not gonna change things between us.

No, it's not about that anymore.

I just don't want you to think I'm

a bad guy.

I bet he cheated on her.

Of course he cheated on her.

No, that wasn't the first time either.

I just need you to acknowledge that I

wasn't going after you on the rebound.

When I said I liked you, I was

completely sincere.

Fine, you were sincere.

I wouldn't believe him.

If you mind, this is a private conversation.

He is not worth your time, girl.

If he cheated on you once, honey, you

know he'll do it again.

I say you kick him to the curb.

Yeah, you're pretty tough when you're all jacked

up on hormones, aren't you?

Look, I've been called a lot of things,

but the one thing I'm not is a

liar.

You lied about the reason you came here.

One little lie.

And you just lied about not being a

liar.

Oh, I'm fine.

I lie all the time, but I'm not

lying about this.

Mm-hmm.

Trust me, he's lying.

Please, he's a man.

If his lips are moving, he's lying.

Hey, why don't the three of you go

up on the windowsill there and practice pushing?

What are you doing?

You can't come back here.

It's okay.

I'm a doctor.

Look.

You gotta believe me.

You are just not gonna give up on

this, are you?

Why should I?

I'm right.

Okay, fine, fine.

You haven't shut up about this all day,

and I guess you wouldn't do that if

you weren't sincere.

So let's just end this.

I believe you.

Really?

Really.

See, that's great.

That's all I wanted.

Good.

Never been so excited to get a pap

smear in my entire life.

Hey, hey, hey.

Don't you want to apologize?

Excuse me?

You know, for throwing water in my face

at the restaurant.

You know, just say you're sorry, and we

can start over again.

You want to hear me say I'm sorry?

Fine.

I am sorry I ever met you.

I'm sorry I ever kissed you, and I'm

sorry we go to the same gynecologist.

I have wasted years of my life dealing

with guys like you, and I am not

gonna do it anymore.

Ow.

You kiss me, and then you have sex

with someone else?

What kind of man does that?

And now, now you ask me to apologize?

Well, let me tell you something.

You have no idea what you lost.

I am the most loyal, trusting person you

will ever meet.

When I'm in a relationship, I put my

whole heart into it.

But after what you've done, you get nothing.

Who's sorry now, bucko?

Who's sorry now?

You are.

You said it, and I've heard you say

it.

You can't take it back, either.

Hey, shouldn't you be less concerned about me

and start concentrating more on how you're gonna

lose all that weight?

LAUGHTER