Original subtitles

You might find the story I'm about to tell you a little hard to believe.

Heck, if it hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't have believed in myself.

But one amazing week, I had everything a guy could want. A fantastic house at the

beach, gourmet Italian dinners, and best of all, girls.

All the girls I could handle. And I can handle a lot.

Hi, Dr.

Chamberlain. Hi, girl.

I've been Chris Chamberlain.

Well, I wasn't really a doctor.

Heck, I wasn't even Chris Chamberlain.

I was in a situation I was spinning out of control and well... Wait, I'm getting

a little ahead of myself here. So let's go back to the beginning.

I was working on my brilliant new screenplay. Sure, all I had was a title,

but a lot of distractions in Hollywood.

Distractions like Barbara.

She was the nice girl. And if she assumed that I was a rich, successful

screenwriter, then who was I to disappoint her?

Going well?

Not if you don't stop doing that.

Oh, I'm just trying to give you a little inspiration.

Well, thanks, but it's not a love story.

What is it?

I'm not sure.

Well, maybe you should take a little break.

I kind of need that. I need to continue on writing.

Not there.

Where?

I'll let you know when you find it.

about to settle

self-living here.

Me too.

Oh, Nick.

What? You and me living here? Oh, we're going to be so happy together.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Have you said anything about us living together?

You just did.

I could kiss you all over.

What the hell is going on here?

Hey!

Miss Moore, I didn't expect you today. My conference ended a week early. Why is

my Jaguar out of the garage?

Good question. And before I can find an answer Miss Moore liked... Out of my

house! Out!

She ended my house-sitting gig.

Suddenly I had no job, no place to live, and I doubt I'd be seeing Barbara any

time soon.

Now, I know this story doesn't sound too promising yet, but trust me, it gets

better. All business temporary, Miss Amanda.

Amanda, it's Nick, your favorite employee.

I've been thinking about you.

Listen, I really need a job.

Do you have anything that can hold me over for a week or two? We always have

something for you.

Let me check and call you back. Great. Thank you.

Until Amanda came through with that new house-sitting gig, I figured I'd crash

on my buddy Drake's.

He usually didn't mind when I dropped by on short notice.

Only this time, I forgot to short notice.

Drake has a way with the ladies and a knack for making a buck. And if he can

combine the two, then hey, even better.

for acting lessons.

Clever. What's the lesson this week? The perils of the casting couch?

We're preached by Nick.

I'm officially homeless.

My last gig just ended prematurely. To success.

Let it come when we least expect it, huh?

That sounds perfect.

I could use the rest.

Great. The owner's expecting you this afternoon.

I'll call you back with directions.

All right. I'll be there.

That house-sitting gig up the coast sounded perfect, because I needed some

peace and quiet to write.

You see, my agent called and said a big producer liked my work, and he was

looking for a good love story.

If I could only have a romantic script ready in three weeks, it could be the

break that I've been waiting for.

So I figured a piece of cake, and this place was just what I needed. No

responsibilities, no angry landlords, and no distractions.

Nick here. Nick, it's Amanda. I hate to do this to you, but I gave you the wrong

lead. The place you're going to specifically requested a female.

We're sending Danielle instead.

Amanda, I just spent the last two hours driving up here. I'm here now.

Sorry, Nick.

Tell you what, if I convince them to give me the job, can I have it? I guess.

Yeah, don't worry about it, all right? I'll take care of it.

I'm looking for Anthony. I'm here for the job interview.

I thought they were sending a woman.

Yeah, there was a mistake at the office.

Anthony's not going to like this very much, but won't you call me?

Anthony. Oh, shit. There's someone here to see you.

Hey,

Nick Vance.

All business temporaries?

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

I asked for a girl.

Yeah, I'm sorry. There was a mix-up at the office, but I assure you, I'm fully

qualified.

It

says

here you got experience running a bed and breakfast, huh? Yeah, for a couple

months. Last season, no.

But you have an amazing place here, Anthony.

What's that?

My parents opened it when they came over from Switzerland.

Really? Yeah. My grandfather's Italian.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I used to have this old Alfa Romeo spider, just like the one you have

outside. Is that yours?

Yeah, you like it, huh? Yeah, it reminds me of my childhood.

Yeah, too bad I gotta sell it.

Look, I'm sorry, but I specifically asked for a girl.

Yeah, look, I'm sorry about them, except at the office.

I guess I'll just go back and tell them you're looking for a girl.

Although, a girl probably won't be able to chop up wood for the guest rooms and

fix that casing you're working on.

But I understand you gotta do we gotta do customer comes first. Well, wait, you

know how to fix the window like this Yeah, I could also probably fix those

towels up on the roof, too Yeah, but I have to go I got to go back and get a

cake Can you start tomorrow

Suppose then Sure, okay.

Yeah, let me show you around Yeah, kind of quiet now, you know Hell, it's dead.

Not a single guest, and not one coming, as far as I know.

Damn new highway took away all of our business.

I'm sorry.

What about advertising?

Don't have the money.

Anyway, I'm sure my sister will find plenty for you to do.

Your sister?

Yeah, my sister.

And she's a house chef, too.

Got the best Zeppelis on the coast.

I'm sure she does.

Come here. Let me talk to you for a second.

Listen to me.

I want to make something perfectly clear, all right?

Melinda's off limits.

She's my sister, and I care a great deal about her. And if I find out you've done

anything while I'm away, I'll snap your spine in two. Capisce?

Spine in two.

Got it.

I'm not kidding.

All I had to do was watch an empty bed and breakfast and keep my hands off

Melinda. This job should have been a breeze.

What nobody told me was just down the road from discovery was a sexual therapy

retreat called Discoveries.

I know the names are similar, but who would confuse a bed and breakfast with a

sex therapy retreat?

And let us now return to our point of origin.

Refreshed, cleansed, and open to the realm of possibilities that await us in

the material world.

Wow, Dr.

Chamberlain, that really helps.

I feel great.

Call me Chris.

Now that your chi is flowing and your chakras are aligned, you're ready to

confront your fear of intimacy.

I'm so ready.

Man, I can't wait to tell my boyfriend about our progress.

For now, I want you to do some journal writing.

And here, let me give you a copy of my book.

I think you'll get a lot out of this.

Thanks again, Chris.

See you tomorrow. Bye.

So, who's next, Katie?

That's all for the day, Chris.

Wow.

I can't believe how slow it's been lately.

Well, the new issue of SoCal Monthly came out this week, so hopefully the

column on discoveries will bring in some new clients.

Yeah, the editor said he was going to send me a copy.

Let me know when that comes in, will you? Yes, ma'am.

Thanks.

So, uh, going to New Jersey for a little vacation?

No. I'm going to check out a business I'm thinking of buying. Coin laundry.

What about this place?

Selling it.

Can't make ends meet anymore.

What about Melinda?

She'll help with the laundry.

Oh, she hardly seems like the type.

Hey, what did I tell you?

Oh, yeah, spine in two.

Yeah. Well, here are the keys, all right?

Everything's labeled.

Any problems, I want to hear about it right away. You got my cell number.

It was my birthday, and I wanted to get the hard work out of the way early. That

way I could concentrate on my new screenplay.

That also meant staring clear from Anthony's sister.

Like there was any chance of that.

I'm impressed.

Not very many people can get my brother to change his mind like that.

I just have to make him think it was his idea.

Well, he's been in a mood lately due to business things so slow.

Yeah, he's a bit of an odd type to work in a bed and breakfast.

Not the most folksy personality, is he? I know. I keep telling him he should be

more friendly to the guests.

He won't listen to me, though.

What are you writing?

A movie.

What kind of movie?

Action.

You like action, do you?

Sure.

My brother told you to stay away from me, didn't he?

What makes you say that?

You gonna listen to him?

As I took a long look, one thought kept going through my mind.

If I find out you've done anything along the way, I'll snap your spine in two.

I'll snap your spine in two.

Spine in two.

Spine in two.

Hello?

Hello? Is anyone here?

Anyone?

Hi. Welcome to Discovery.

Thank you.

I'd like a room, please, for one.

For one?

Pretty girl like you.

Um, how many nights?

Actually, I was hoping we could play it by ear, if that's okay?

Sure. Okay. Uh, Miss... McFarlane. Tamara McFarlane?

Let me show you to your room. Perfect.

Great.

Here, just down the hall.

Here's your room.

Your bag.

So here's a key. If you need anything, I'll be down the hall for a few minutes,

and then I'll be back at the front desk. Okay, great. Thank you.

I was wondering if we could talk.

Talk? Yeah.

It's just, this is all new to me, and I'm not sure if I should be doing this.

And you want to talk about it.

If that's okay.

Yeah, sure.

When a girl says, can we talk, experience has taught me to look for the

nearest door.

But there was something in the girl's eyes that made me think she wanted to do

a whole lot more than talk.

So.

Well, I was dating this guy from work, and he recently broke up with me.

He told me it was because I was too uptight.

The problem is, I think you might be right.

When it comes to sex, I'm really self-conscious, and I'm afraid guys

think it's a cold fit.

That's impossible.

I mean, look at you.

You're just saying that.

No, not at all.

You're obviously dating the wrong guys. I mean, maybe you need to build up your

self-confidence.

How were you when you were a kid?

It was awful.

Glasses, braces, the whole thing.

But all that's gone.

You've grown into a beautiful woman and you haven't even noticed.

So, how do I get more confident?

Well, first, you should get rid of any inhibitions that you have.

Just throw them away.

And that will help.

I think it might.

And then if there's any secret thing you've ever wanted to do to a guy, just

go out and do it.

Well, there's one thing.

I've always wanted to give a guy a lap dance.

A lap dance for free?

I told you this story was going to get good.

I won't use the map anymore, so I took a wrong turn and I got lost.

Thank you.

We're talking to the power.

You're welcome.

Chris. Would you rather I call you Dr. Chamberlain?

I'm not following.

I read the column about you in the SoCal Monthly. It said you were the best sex

therapist in California.

It said that about me? Yeah. So I came here to find out for myself.

Can I see that?

Sure.

It was an article for that sex retreat down the road I told you about, run by

someone named Chris Chamberlain.

Only the article listed the address of this place by mistake.

Um, I have to get that.

Make this up at home, okay?

Discovery, how can I help you?

Hi, I read your article in the SoCal Monthly.

And, uh, your place sounds just like what I've been looking for.

Um, well, there's... Well, I would ask... I'd actually like to come up

tomorrow if you have any room.

Are you taking any reservations?

Um, well, sure. What's your name?

It's Mimi Hamilton.

Okay, Mimi.

We'll see you this weekend, then. I can't wait.

Great. Bye.

Hi. How can I help you?

Well, we'd like to check in for a few days.

Let me guess.

Honeymoon?

Not exactly.

Although, we are getting married soon.

Well, congratulations.

Um, our most romantic room is... Actually, we need separate rooms.

I'm sorry.

We read your article in SoCal Monthly, and, uh, we've never done this before,

but we're looking for a way to spice up our relationship, so we thought we'd

give you a whirl.

You, uh, are Dr.

Chamberlain, right?

I guess you could say this was the moment when I had to ask myself, If

honesty was the best policy.

Yes. Yes, I am.

And I'm sure you guys will find exactly what you're looking for.

Hi, Discovery. How can I help you? Is this a sex retreat?

Yes, we do help you find your sexual fantasies.

Cool. I'm sorry if you don't mind me asking. You sound a little young. I'm

21. Oh, 21. Great.

Well, why don't you just come down this weekend, and we will help you with that.

Great. Excellent.

Sorry about that.

Okay, then. So I will put you in room two.

Thank you. Just down the hall to your left.

And I will put you in room three.

Just down the hall to your right.

Feel free to ask if you have any questions.

I'm also right down the hall.

And that's it.

Great. Thanks.

I need to hear now.

What's up?

You're not going to believe this. People are mistaking this by some sort of

sexual therapy retreat.

I told Drake about the mix-up in the magazine.

I figured I could use the help.

I had a script to write, and I only have two hands.

Drake had only one thing to say.

Better give me directions.

This place is great.

You're not on vacation, all right? Just remember, you do have work to do.

I'm your man, Nick.

It's Chris.

Dr. Chris Chamberlain. Hey, don't forget that.

Do I get a call name, too? No.

Nope. Hey, what is going on around here? This is the most desperate problem in

the world.

I don't know. Word must be going around.

Hello? Oh, Melinda, this is my good buddy, Drake.

Hi, Drake. How are you doing?

Very nice, Melinda.

Chris has told me so much about you.

Nick. I mean, Nick.

I invited Drake to stay with us because his girlfriend just broke up with him.

Oh, right.

Yeah. It's been really hard.

Oh, poor baby.

If there's anything I can do.

Thanks. I really appreciate that.

What's that all about?

Okay.

That's a little flitzer, and she's way too much to handle, okay?

So just stay away from her.

And she doesn't know about this whole mix-up thing, so I don't want you

calling me Chris around it.

Does she know you're running a day camp for sex addicts? No.

Man, I'd rather keep it that way.

Hey, Melinda.

Look, we're going to have a few more guests, so plan on making breakfast for

eight tomorrow.

That's great news.

How's your writing going?

Slow, but what are you making?

I don't know yet.

I've decided to make myself an authentic Sicilian dinner tonight.

That sounds good.

Oh, it will be.

I guess if you want to join me, I can make a little extra.

Wow. Now, how can I refuse an invitation like that?

All right, then.

I've got to go and get a few more ingredients.

Are you going to be okay here without me?

I think I can manage.

All right, then.

You work up a good appetite.

Something tells me by the end of the day I'll be good and hungry.

I know.

I promised to stay away from Anthony's sister.

But one innocent dinner wouldn't hurt.

In the meantime, I was determined to finish my new script.

This was my best shot at success, and nothing was going to stop me.

Do you have time for a session?

What do you have in mind?

Well, I'm here to explore my sexuality.

I really didn't know where to start.

Here, sit down.

So the script could wait.

This was obviously a job for good old Dr. Nick. I mean, Chris.

Whatever. Tell me why you first decided to come to Discovery.

Discovery.

Well, Kobe and I are going to get married in a couple months.

And I just... I feel like the pressure of it has been affecting our sex life.

So I thought some sex therapy might help us bring the magic back.

All right, well, marriage is a big step for most relationships.

But what specifically seems to be the problem?

I'm nervous about pleasing him.

And, you know, I haven't been with that many men, so...

I just want to make sure that I know how to satisfy him as a lover.

Well, the secret to satisfying most men is to

constantly surprise them with something new.

For example, have you given Colby an erotic massage?

Yes, but he always falls asleep.

That's okay.

You can learn a new technique.

I wish I could teach you if you want.

Great.

Should I take my top off?

Um, um, I, um, um, uh,

okay, um.

Always remember the importance of touching.

The foundation of every successful relationship, okay?

Oh, your hands feel so good.

Let that dress melt out of your body.

Because of the neurotic massage, I'm going to have to, um...

I'm sorry.

I'm having a hard time getting your fiancés up there.

It's okay.

We said that there's no limitations while we were here.

It's just sex therapy, right?

Okay.

Just what to do, huh?

I feel good.

I do, Doctor.

Thank you.

Well, I think Kobe's a very lucky man.

I'll see you later.

Discovery's talking. I'll help you.

Is that you, Van?

Anthony.

Sorry about that.

How are things going?

Fine. We even have a few guests.

Oh, great.

Melinda behaving herself?

Yeah, I think so. I haven't really seen her in a couple of days. Good.

Keep it that way.

You lost me. Well, I'm ready for my first assignment.

How does this work exactly?

Most of these girls have sexual issues they're not real comfortable talking

about. So you just need to provide a comfortable environment.

and they'll open up.

I like the sound of that.

Works like magic, right? I mean, you don't need to feed them any old lines or

buy them any drinks.

You just kind of need to show them that you're there and, you know, let them

talk about their feelings.

You sound like you're really getting into this stuff.

Yeah, I think I am, you know? I mean, it feels good helping out these girls.

I bet it does.

Look, I have a young lady who wants a two o'clock session, so when she comes

in, I'll just send her to your room.

Got it. All right.

Enjoy.

Discovery, how can I make your day better?

She was in college.

Junior college.

Drake's first patient should have been easy.

Veronica just needed a shoulder to cry on, and Drake does have a way with

women. I knew he'd be perfect for this job.

I've tried to move. I have. I've tried dating other guys.

With each one, I feel more and more inadequate.

You know, I used to be a pretty self-confident person before

he chewed me up and spit me out like a tail out of gum.

Oh, that's awful.

Tell me about it.

It's not easy being replaced.

And, you know, it's just a matter of time before someone comes along worthy

of your beauty.

You think I'm beautiful?

Yes. Hell yes.

Forget this guy.

All we need to do is build up your self-confidence so that you don't feel

inadequate anymore.

And confidence comes from knowing with certainty that you can please a man in

bed. Could you tell me what a man wants in bed?

Well, some guys like it when the woman takes control.

Oh.

Some guys like to be totally dominated.

Oh.

Like that?

Yeah. That's it.

What else?

Some guys like it when you kiss them on the ears. Okay.

And then?

And then I like it when you... Huh?

Some guys like it when you take their shirt off... Uh-huh. And you kiss them

on their chest.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

That's what... And then... And then...

And then some guys like it when you lick the other navel. Okay.

I think I can take it from here.

Yeah.

Oh,

my.

Look at that. Keep that up.

It's just a matter of finding someone that I connect with.

Right. Like you.

Exactly.

The way we just made love.

It's like we're right for each other.

What?

Well, I knew when I got here that this wasn't just about a sex therapy session.

It's like we were meant to meet.

It's obvious we belong together.

Christ over, right? I, uh, I gotta get going.

What's going on?

Uh, I've got other clients to see.

Okay, for now, lover.

But, you know, it's a beautiful place for a wedding ceremony.

Drake had heard this kind of talk from girls before, and he knew exactly what

to do.

Whoa, coming through.

Melinda, back from shopping?

Um, yeah.

I couldn't get all the ingredients, though. I ran out of money.

That's okay. I'm sure it still tastes great.

It's too bad your brother can't keep this place profitable.

I offered to take it over, but he refuses to believe that I can run any

kind of business.

Somehow I think you can run anything you want to.

Well, I don't want to run a coin laundry, that's for damn sure.

Hello.

You had to feel badly for Melinda. She loved this place, and the idea of losing

it just didn't seem fair.

I figured the least I could do was take her mind off things with a nice friendly

dinner.

Nick, what was the temperature just called?

You're not going to believe this.

What?

What are you doing?

Getting dressed for dinner.

With who?

Melinda. And you need a dress shirt for that?

You're right.

What am I doing?

She's just a girl.

Anyway, they want you to watch an island.

What? A whole island.

Some guy down in Fiji needs a caretaker for the spring.

Wow. Great.

I'll call Amanda in the morning.

I've got a session in five minutes.

You have a good dinner.

I'll be right back. I forgot.

This is what I forgot.

Thank you.

You know, you clean up kind of nice.

Thanks. By the way, would you like to join me?

What a beautiful sunset.

Yeah, it's very.

Cheers.

Cheers.

So tell me, where's your favorite place in Italy?

Believe it or not, I've never been.

Really? Yeah.

See, my family kept me very sheltered when I was a kid.

Every time they went to the old world. I got stuck with relatives back in the

States.

So, I'm really going to miss this place, though.

To life's little twins.

You know, suddenly, I'm not so hungry anymore.

Wow.

The stars are out.

There is Orion.

Mm-hmm.

Butterflies in your stomach?

No.

How's this make you feel?

What about the gas?

What, are you scared?

When you take my hand, you're going to get my heart.

And when you want my dream, there is no way.

I'm gonna break my heart.

break my heart

Things were going great. I just made it with a beautiful lady and the place was

full of guests.

But sooner or later, somebody had to find out the truth. We have a huge

problem.

What do you mean? The SoCal Monthly printed the wrong address.

Oh, no.

Do you think that's where people are going instead?

I'm going to find out.

Hi, is this the place featured in SoCal Monthly?

Yes.

This is Larry.

Hi, Larry.

It's Chris Chamberlain. I need some legal advice.

Good morning.

Do you need any help?

I'm just taking a room.

Oh, great.

Oh, remember, our sun deck is clothing optional, so if you want to do the full

body pan, not a problem.

Hi, how can I help you?

Oh, I was just stopping in to see if maybe I wanted to stay here.

Of course you do.

Pardon me?

Well, this place has everything a beautiful girl could possibly want.

Hi, Dr.

Chamberlain. Hi, girls.

Dr. Chamberlain?

Well, you could call me Chris if you like.

As in Chris Chamberlain.

So now you understand my dilemma. Being Dr. Chamberlain, I worked out pretty

good so far.

And I saw no reason to complicate things with the truth.

Yes. Why?

It just sounds familiar.

That's all.

And you are?

Nancy. Nancy Kinsey.

Nancy, did you just come up for a little R&R?

Well, yes and no.

I read about this place in SoCal Monthly, and I thought I would check it

out. Well, good. So you know a little bit about what we have to offer.

I have an idea.

You know, why don't I stay for a night or two and see what this place is really

all about?

I tell you what.

I'm going to put you in room number five.

I'm sure you're going to find it comfortable.

You said Nancy Kinsey?

Kinsey.

So why don't I carry you through your room?

I think I can manage myself.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

Mine from Veronica.

She keeps wanting to schedule a session.

She's getting a little too attached.

Yeah, hazard of the profession, huh?

Yeah, thanks for nothing.

You're welcome. Oh, by the way, how'd that thing go with Melinda?

Fine. Nothing happened.

All right.

It went amazing.

I mean, we totally connected.

It was great.

That's good. Now we can go to Fiji before Anthony finds out you're banging

his little sister.

I, um...

I kind of told Amanda we weren't going.

What? Why?

Well, things are going so well here, and we're, you know, renting out the rooms

to get.

Besides, I figure if maybe we make a little bit of a profit, then Anthony

will let Melinda keep the place.

So we're not going to go to Fiji because of a girl?

No.

I mean, Fiji's probably humid right now.

Oh, you know, you have a three o'clock session, which you should probably go

to. Yeah, she'd better be good.

You're early.

Sorry, I wanted to come a little early.

Yeah, it was supposed to be my session.

I'm scheduled for three o'clock.

So am I.

Well, ladies, here at Discoveries, we try to encourage our guests to...

Keep open to new experiences.

So let the two of you double up your session and see if we all can't learn

something. Fine by me.

Me too.

All right, let's all sit on the bed and just relax.

Now let's talk about the importance of kissing.

Everybody likes to be kissed, but not everybody's a good kisser.

Either you ever kissed a woman before?

No.

Yes.

Once.

Well, by kissing each other, you can find out what it feels like when a man

kisses a woman.

Now move in like you're trying to seduce her.

So why don't we go slow?

Oh, that's nice.

This is very good This

is very good

Can I help you with something, Nancy? Oh, no. I was just admiring the artwork.

Oh, yeah. It's been in my family for centuries.

Centuries?

It's a photograph.

Right. I mean art.

Art's been in my family for ages.

You know, you certainly seem to have a lot of clients here.

Well, you know, you give them what they want and they will come.

I'm sure they will.

I would really love to try one of your sessions. Are you available?

Sure.

Why don't you come in?

You're probably thinking, what about Melinda?

Well, I figured making the guests happy was good for Discovery.

And that was good for Melinda, right?

Guys, stop it.

Thank you.

Make yourself at home. Get comfortable.

So tell me, what brought you to Discovery, Nancy?

You know, I'm interested in how you came up with that name.

Discoveries. Now, we both know what this is really about.

We do?

Sure, and I would feel the same way if I was in your shoes.

Look, you're asking me all these questions because you don't want to talk

about yourself.

Hey, it's okay. Most people get nervous when they first come here.

No, that's really not what... You don't need to explain to me. Here, sit down.

We just need to get you nice and relaxed and comfortable.

Well, where exactly did you study therapy, doctor?

No, no, no. See, you're doing it again.

We're here to talk about you.

So why don't you start off by telling me what gets you aroused.

For example.

Melinda.

Melinda. Excuse me for a minute.

Melinda.

Nick Vance.

You've reached the law office of Larry Schneidman. Please leave a message.

Thank you.

Larry, the guy who's been stealing my clients is telling people he's Chris

Chamberlain. His real name is Nick Vance.

I want you to find out who this guy is and call me.

I wanted to chase Melinda until I realized I should stop and try to figure

out what I had to say.

For the first time in my life, I decided I had to think things through.

Oh, hello.

Hi. I'm Melinda.

I know you're the chef here.

Yeah.

My girlfriend and I have really enjoyed the meals.

Oh, well, thank you. I'm Colby.

Hi, nice to meet you, Colby. Nice to meet you.

Are you two enjoying yourselves here?

I guess.

You know, she seems to be getting a lot more out of it than I am, but it's nice

to be on vacation.

So where's your girlfriend right now?

I don't know.

Probably in another session.

Session?

Yeah, Dr. Chamberlain gave her some... Doctor?

Dr. Chamberlain.

Chris.

The gentleman that runs the place.

Dark hair, always smiling.

Oh, Chris, right.

Of course.

Speaking of, I have something important to talk to him about.

If you'd excuse me, I need to go find him right now. Sure.

Hi. Hi.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Hello.

Nice weather, huh?

Yeah, it's nice.

Jamie, I'm sorry for not showing you a lot of attention in the last few months.

I guess I've just been...

Afraid of losing my freedom.

You know, I got to be honest, coming to this sexual awareness retreat, I didn't

think it was going to be good for our relationship.

But in the last couple of days, not spending any time with you, it's just

made me realize that I don't want to be with anybody else but you.

I feel the same way.

Dr. Chamberlain has taught me so much.

And I'm so happy that we can be so open.

So do you think things can go back to the way they were?

No.

No?

No. I think they're going to be even better.

Close your eyes.

Get over it.

The real Dr. Chris was starting to realize that even though these clients

were at the wrong place, they weren't being cheated out of a cure.

No, she found out that Drake and I were doing a pretty good job.

Maybe even better than her.

Drake's effort to avoid Veronica were about to take him out of the frying pan

and into the fire.

Excuse me.

Do you have time for that session now?

Um, sure.

Okay, is my room all right?

Why not?

So, how does this work, exactly?

Why don't I just bring you over here and give you a massage and help relax you

and...

Then you could talk about whatever you want to talk about.

Okay.

Where do you want me?

On the desk.

For the massage, that is.

How's that feel?

That's actually quite nice.

Um, so, how do you know Chris?

Um, he and I have been friends for a really long time.

Hmm.

Have you two been in the sex therapy biz long?

I wouldn't say a terribly long time.

Can you excuse me for a minute?

Okay.

Yeah, sure.

All right.

Okay.

Thanks for calling, Anthony.

Where's my brother?

He's coming home tomorrow night.

That's good news, I guess.

Look, I want to apologize. I had an interesting conversation with Colby

tonight.

He told me that somebody named Christian... Chamberlain? That's giving

sex therapy to the guests here?

You said the good doctor is, um, dark-haired, smiles all the time.

Sound familiar?

Look, I'm sorry, all right? I can explain.

I certainly hope so, Nick. I mean, Chris.

Whoever the fuck you are.

I'm Nick.

Okay, Chris is the person I pretended to be when I read the misprint in the SoCal

Monthly. Why?

I don't know. People started showing up and expecting me to be him.

I didn't know what to do.

So you thought that lying to everyone, including me, was going to make

everything all right?

No, it just got carried away, and I didn't want to disappoint anyone.

Well, you sure as hell disappointed me, Nick.

I know, and I'm sorry.

It's a little late for that.

I'm just curious.

Was there just another one of your students you thought needed therapy?

No.

Not at all.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about you ever since I laid eyes on you.

Then what were you doing in your room with that woman?

Nothing. Nothing happened.

I couldn't even imagine being with anybody else after that night together.

Melinda, can we please try this again?

No more games, I promise.

I don't know.

I really blew it with Melinda.

I mean, what I told her was true.

I did care about her.

But I couldn't blame her for not buying my story.

Nick, where you been?

There's something I gotta tell you.

You won't believe this, but you know that Nancy woman?

Her name's not Nancy.

She's right here.

Can I talk to you for a minute, Drake?

Alone?

I'll leave you guys alone.

What's there to talk about, Nancy?

Or should I say Chris?

Drake. How long have you been standing over there?

Long enough to finally know the truth.

I know about you and Nick.

I think we both have a lot of talking to do, Drake.

So, you're an actor?

Most of the time.

Other times I'm...

an actor acting like he's a sexual therapist.

And your friend didn't know about the column until people started showing up

here? And it got out of hand.

I mean, as it was, it may have helped save Anthony and Melinda's place.

That's actually kind of sweet.

We can understand why you'd be angry when we did steal a lot of your

customers.

Well, I was going to sue you guys.

What made you change your mind?

At my retreat, I teach people how to go deep within themselves and find the

source of their sexual problems.

Here, I learn that sometimes all you need is a little bit of confidence.

You help me see that.

Really? Uh-huh.

Maybe there's a thing or two we could teach each other.

Probably.

Since I had ruined my chance with Melinda, I decided the only way to

salvage the weekend was to finish my screenplay.

So as I sat down on my computer, I felt like I didn't know the first thing about

romance. But then it occurred to me.

I had a pretty good story right under my nose.

I mean, I started writing about this guy who got a great house and gig and found

himself surrounded by beautiful women who practically begged to have sex with

him. In the middle of this, he falls in love with a beautiful Italian chef.

Here was a script that had action, romance, comedy, and sex.

The only thing missing was a happy ending.

But then, the story isn't over yet.

Hi.

Hey.

Um, I was going to make some definitely, but there isn't any more oil in the

kitchen.

There isn't?

No. Um, but I found some wild strawberries in the bed.

Maybe you could like some of those?

I'd love some.

Melinda, I'm sorry about everything.

One more game.

One more game.

Now, everything felt perfect, except for that one little detail of Melinda's

brother. But I wasn't worried. I had all day to figure that one out.

Uh-oh.

Anthony, what are you doing here?

I caught an early flight. I bought the coin laundry, so we're moving to New

Jersey. And you, you bastard, what the hell is going on around here? Hey,

Anthony, it's not his pulp, okay? It's mine. I seduced him.

What are you doing to me?

To you?

I fell in love. Why is that such a threat to you?

Because I don't want you with some guy I can't trust.

I'm not that little girl you have to protect anymore, Anthony.

I'm a grown woman.

If our parents could hear you now.

Yeah, they'd ask you why you're selling out the business.

We tried, Melinda. There's no money here.

No, you tried.

You never let me try to save the place.

If you would have had a little bit more faith in me, maybe we wouldn't be in

this situation.

Anthony, I do care about your sister.

Look, I'm sorry for not trusting you, Melinda.

What can I do to make this up to you?

You can let me stay here and run the place my way.

Just give me six months.

If I don't have it running in the blog by then, you can sell it.

Well, if it means that much to you, why not?

I just want you to be happy.

In the end, it all kind of worked out for everyone.

After her evening with Drake, Dr.

Chamberlain forgot all about her lawsuit and even invited him to work for her.

And with Melinda's knack for customer service, Discovery was in good hands

too. Oh, and by the way, I finished my screenplay on time.

But get this, my agent said it was too unbelievable.

Well, if it hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't have believed it either.