Original subtitles

Bacchusville, New Jersey.

A town serene and quiet.

Bacchusville is the type of town where people come to settle down and start

families.

Now, a legendary witch has created chaos and disturbance amongst the community.

Though the legend of the erotic witch has now destroyed this serene town by

new tourists.

Bacchusville used to be, you know, like a quiet place to live.

You know, the simple, God-fearing folks are all of we.

And now all these perverts coming into town.

You know, I was out fishing the other day, and there's all these guys by the

river jerking off, and they're scaring the fish away.

I tell you, all those guys jerking off, it reminded me of my days in the ballet.

Oh, you goddamn tourists, get the hell out of the woods right now.

Jesus H. Christ and his brother Terrence, our wishes.

That's disgusting.

Go get a room.

And if any of you kids ever comes back here, I will throw all your asses in

jail. I swear to God.

Hi, how are you doing out there in TV land?

My name's Jeff Claymore, and I came up here from Kentucky, me and my wife.

Hoping that Ronnie Quitch could help me out with my little problem. I got, you

know, what you call a soft noodle in between the old legs.

And, you know, tried everything.

Viagra, punching it, crunching it, smacking it, juicing it, you name it.

Don't work.

I even took a rock with a big old string, tied it on the old picker, threw

it off a bridge.

It worked.

Hurt like hell, but different.

Hi, Mom.

Yeah, my name's Al, the alcoholic.

And I got, like, all these trinkets up here because I come out from the city,

you know, I follow all the tourists and stuff, you know, and everybody's coming

out here to get a little something going on, you know.

And so I figured, you know, I can make some money on it, you know.

So I got a little rock head woman here that I found.

This is something that you'd bring home, like, if you had a good erotic

experience out here and all, you know, you'd go home with that.

And it would kind of bring a little more back to you in your bedroom or for your

kids or something.

It's nice work if you can get it, you know.

Get that goddamn camera out of my face.

I am sick and tired of you meddling, interfering paparazzi coming into our

town and messing everything up.

You know, Barkersville, it used to be a nice place to raise your kids up. Now

what do we got?

Me, you goddamn sexual deviants crawling out of the woodwork, overrunning the

whole town. And for what purpose?

To get a good stiffy.

Excuse me a second.

I've got to be careful with this. That's how I shot my toe off. Now, there's a

story. Hey.

Where was I? Oh, yeah.

Bonkersville used to be a nice, quiet little town.

So, Sven, are you ready?

Hold on.

Okay, I'm going to focus here.

Okay, Doc. All you.

Okay, well, the local officials around here have found a very much live body of

Darian Kane.

However, the other two, Katie and Victoria, we're unable to find.

We were unable to ascertain, however, if this was a true account, a hoax, or very

possibly a mass-induced psychosis of what really happened to these girls in

the woods.

Whatever the case may be, we've been given a $1 million grant to discover if

there is a true erotic witch.

or if very possibly this is some sort of sexually transmitted disease.

Whatever the case may be, why don't you come with me, Sven, and we can take a

look around the building if you like. Okay, great.

You've got a million bucks, huh?

Yeah. What happens if you don't spend that? Well, can you, like, get a car or

something? I don't think so, Sven. Come on. You never know until you ask.

Okay, Doc.

Ready, Sven?

Mm-hmm. Getting all this? Yep.

Well, as you can see here at the AJ Khan Medical Facility, we're equipped with

all of the very advanced state-of-the-art equipment, you know,

very strong, sturdy doors here, as you can see. And if you come a little closer

here, we even have a nice painting for the insane and also a very good camera.

Are you getting that, Sven, up there? Okay.

State-of-the-art equipment, camera, work for everyone, so we can make sure that

we are keeping an eye on all the people here at the Institute.

Now, in here, if you could just keep it down, Sven, we have some loonies that

we're going to examine, but you have to keep it quiet.

As you can see, here's our patient, Darian.

She's very non-responsive, unless it's sexual-related questions or anything

pertaining to sex.

Hi, Darian.

How are you doing?

How are you enjoying the hospital food, Darian?

My ass.

Now, Darian, what happened to you in the woods?

Where were you? Eat me. Eat me. What happened to your partners, Darian? Suck

me. Suck me.

Suck me.

Now, Darian, what is my bra size?

32B. And how many sexual partners has Warren Beatty had?

All of New York City.

Uh-huh.

And what would you say is the proximate size of an elephant's penis?

Six feet.

Fuck me.

Eat me.

Lick me. Fuck me. Fuck me. Eat me. Well, what we're going to do is we're just

going to inject her.

We're just going to inject her with some of the morphine to calm her down a

little. And, you know, these type of things happen often when someone has

gone through such a mental traumatic type of situation like that.

Oh, and by the way, this is my assistant, Dee Dee.

Dee Dee.

Good shit, Doc.

Is that normal?

Well, she must not like the food, obviously.

But I'm... Dee Dee, what can we do about this here? Just take care of that, clean

her up, maybe?

Yeah. Should I cut the wood? Yeah, just let's stop for now and we'll just...

Okay, and okay, Doc.

Are you ready, Sven?

Roll. Okay.

Unfortunately, we weren't able to gather any information from Darian. However,

there is someone else we can talk to.

Our subject B is Kimbo the gorilla. He was also on location when this erotic

witch thing was happening.

Let's find out if he knows anything about this.

You're going to talk to a gorilla?

Yes, Kimbo is equipped with a lot of state-of-the-art equipment that is

enabling him to translate from his monkey talk.

into English so that we can comprehend.

Also, if you will acknowledge that Kimbo is in a very advanced titanium cage

that, of course, is unbreakable.

And, you know, he's going to be in there for quite some time, you guys. He's not

getting out.

He's very strong and sturdy.

And let's just talk to Kimbo, shall we?

Hi, Kimbo.

Hello, Dr. K. How are you today?

I'm doing okay, Kimbo. Did you eat today?

Yes, I had a portion of my own feces.

It was quite lovely.

Really? That's good to know, Kimbo.

Now, as you can see, all the equipment that Kimbo has on, that's why we are

able to understand him.

Now, Kimbo, what can you tell us about the erotic witch?

Witch? Well, I don't know anything about witches. Now, did you see a witch? You

were in the woods with these girls, right?

All I remember, Doctor, is I touched her.

It was so much noise in that zoo, and I fumbled myself quite a bit.

Were you fumbling your nipples?

Well, uh, yes. I see, I see.

Uh, now, Kimbo. Do you have a banana?

Sven, do we have any bananas in the room? I don't have any bananas.

Well, um, baby, I'll get you some ice cream later.

Oh, thank you, Doctor. But we definitely need to probe a little more about what

happened during this incident. And, Kimbo, you're looking off. Oh, I'm

sorry, Doctor. We have a camera rolling, Kimbo.

All right. Um, so what other information can you tell us about the woods? And you

were there... I found a dog's ass that I smelled. It was quite nice.

A dog's ass? Do you have a dog's ass I could smell?

Well, I have Sven's ass.

Could I smell your ass, Sven?

No, you can't smell my ass. Stop.

Okay, okay, okay, listen.

It's a total fucking dead end.

Okay, Kimbo, we'll get you some ice cream, okay?

Well, thank you very much.

Listen, Sven, we can't get much more information out of Subject B, so let's

just turn off the camera. We'll talk to Darian again.

Freaking sheep-eating monkey.

How about that ass, then?

Okay, okay, calm down.

The doctor said I'm supposed to check your bruises and your body.

How am I supposed to do that if you're going wild on me?

Relax.

Relax, girl.

Okay, okay.

Oh, you broke it. You broke it.

How am I supposed to check for bruises on your body if you go in wilds? I'll be

good. I promise. I'll be good.

I really will.

Take the jacket off. I don't believe that.

I don't believe that.

I'll be good. How am I going to trust you?

I'll keep my leg on the ground at all times.

And then I can't do anything.

I'll be good.

I don't know.

I don't know if I should do that. I promise.

Okay. You sure?

Yeah. I promise. Take the jacket off.

Very good. I feel good.

Oh, it feels good.

Okay.

Check for bruises on your body. Calm down.

Kiss me. Only if... Okay, okay. I will.

I will. You have to be good. You have to be good. I will. Just touch me.

Kiss me.

Okay. Okay.

Oh,

yeah.

I think I have scars over there, too, and scratches.

Oh, yeah, right there.

I think they're right there. See?

You see them?

Oh, right there. Right there. Maybe you should kiss them.

Kiss him.

Yeah. Lick him. Clean him out. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe you should kiss me.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Okay.

Only if you're good.

Okay.

No.

Oh, Dee Dee, what is it?

There's a problem with one of the patients. They're dying. Dee Dee, I'm

sure you can handle it. You're the professional. Doctor, there's a fire.

Okay, Dee Dee. Um, 911. I think you remember the number.

We added hand wipes.

What?

Welcome to WKRNS.

I'm getting focused. What do you mean you're getting focused?

I need focus. Will you hurry up? You need to back up. You're too close to

camera for not focus. You should already be ready. We have to roll. You need to

get back for focus. You need to be pulled out here.

You are crazy. Will you just learn how to work a camera? Shut up.

Where are you from?

I haven't even heard that.

Camera rolls.

Hi, welcome to WKRNS.

I'm Barbara Joyce, and today we are here...

to research Darian, who disappeared last year after the erotic witch.

We are at AJ Khan's mental institution to discover whether the rumors

of her being held up here are true or not.

Turn the camera off. Turn the camera off. What do you mean? You want to see?

Turn the light off.

Tell me what to do. Turn the camera off. Whatever.

I will crush you to stone.

You're the cameraman. I'm the reporter. Come on. You're the reporter, right?

Let's follow her in.

I know children report better than you. I'm the cameraman. I know how to turn

the camera. I will smash you, crush you. Really?

Yes. Really?

Is that a promise?

What if I trick you?

You work for me. I will call union on your ass.

Holy shit, what's this?

Wow. Look at this.

Man, what kind of a nurse is that?

Oh, my God.

Look at the nurse.

I think she's... Whoa.

This is like Spice Channel, only better because it's live. Have you ever seen a

doctor? What are they doing?

Holy shit. Look at that brain.

Look at that ass. She's grabbing her crotch. And she's... Oh, they're

kissing. Oh, my gosh. Just wait until this gets to the tabloids. Look, the

doctor. We can use this.

Man, people are paid to see. Could you get out of the way? I'm not in the way.

What are you talking about? I want to get the best angle.

Man. Wow, she's a good looking. That's a good looking doctor, wouldn't you say?

Look at that.

She's reaching for her panties.

Man, this will be great. We can totally use this later.

Man.

This would be great footage if you just shut up. Why don't you shut up? I am

trying to enjoy this. Shut up.

Are you trying to enjoy this? Oh, I'm going to put it.

Now look as she grabs her ass.

Rubbing her head. Oh, is she licking it?

She's licking her. Oh, wow.

And now she's going for her crack.

Oh, man, this is one interesting story already. We've got Miss Kay, the doctor,

getting done by her nurse. This is a whole story in itself.

And now she's grabbing for her.

Thank you.

I wonder if she's into that.

I know I am.

I'm sure you are. You and all your buddies from Goulash. Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, shut up!

Where are you from?

Where did you go to school? Oh, my goodness gracious.

Is this turning you on?

Hey, this is probably more sex than you've had in a long time just watching

it. This is more sex up I get than thinking about you.

Yeah? Yeah. Hope you don't think about me like that. Man,

look at that. That's hot.

Oh,

it's really mean.

I don't even like doctors.

Look at the one with the glasses.

That's the doctor.

That's the one that's supposedly holding Darian up there.

And if she's holding Darian, oh boy, this is going to be a big mess.

Wonderful.

A lot of glitches. Personal examination.

Look,

she's going to put her doctor mask on before she bites her cross.

Oh, that's hot.

You know what?

That's really turning me on, too.

Maybe I'm starting to think like a guy.

Maybe we go for a coffee or something?

Oh, yeah. Right, you wish.

And now she's grabbing a... Oh, I wonder if they're going to like it. I would

gladly stand in line in Russia for some of these. Oh, I would... Wow.

The doctor is even... I have to get a better angle.

Oh, there they go. See?

I think that's illegal in some states, isn't it?

Oh, this is a great story. Oh, that's...

I know both of them. This story, I have a feeling, is going to be one of the

most interesting ones this year.

This will make a buzz with our careers.

This is making my week, I'll tell you that much.

Oh, she looks like she's going to... Oh, she's biting her calves.

She's sucking her breasts.

This is why I come to America.

This is not what I...

is going to be quite interesting.

Have you ever seen a nurse wear shoes like that before?

I want her to step on my chest.

She wants her to step on your chest.

Well, I'll bet you she will if you ask her nicely, because I would.

This is the money shot right here. That's the money shot? You've got to

move. I've got to move.

Shut up.

Shut up.

We could be doing anything. They don't even know we're here.

I don't think she sees us.

Like that six with the mirrors on top of the bed.

You what? You are such a freak. Just forget it. Oh, Jesus.

Oh, why are we a normal cameraman?

There's no such thing. There's a guy from Glourish who has sex with his

mirrors.

Oh, boy. I wonder if she's going to lick her ass. Oh, she took the glasses off.

Oh, wow.

Man, this is going to be great. You know how much this is worth? We get a doctor

having sex with her nurse through a window at the institute where Darian

supposedly is.

Man.

This is turning me on.

This would get you a good job with the Playboy channel.

Should I say a good job with the Playboy channel?

You're filming through a window. Come on. You've got to do more than that to

get a job with them. What do you know about what a man wants?

What do I know about what a man wants? What do I care about what a man wants?

That's your problem.

Oh my God, it's the old titty pancake thing.

Oh, look.

What are they doing?

Why did they stop?

Oh, she's going to listen to her heartbeat.

I think she's eating her pussy.

Wow.

Oh, man, they can really go, can't they? They're like Energizer bunnies.

And we're standing right here and they don't even know we're here.

Okay, I've got to get the other end of it.

Oh, Jesus.

Don't fall over and lose it all. That really sucks.

Oh,

there you go.

Oh,

shit. Man, have you ever seen... Mmm.

Your head is in my shot.

So... Get your fucking head out of the shot. Shut up.

I will drown you. Shut up. You're going to drown me? I will drown you. You're

going to drown me?

A dog drowns puppies. Fuck you. How are you going to drown me?

You'll find a way.

I find a way for you to drown me?

I'm losing concentration.

I wonder if this is a

regular occurrence here.

Well, next week, what are you going to do, hang out by the window?

You should just buy the place next door and move in, right?

Get your binoculars out.

They look good together, don't they?

All right, hold on.

Let them get up to speed a little bit.

This is good.

Yeah, I know this is good, but we're supposed to be here to do a job.

I don't know what you're talking about. I mean, I know, but we're supposed to be

here to do a job. Look at these lesbians go. I mean, come on, we've got to stop

them because we have to get to the bottom of the story.

All right, what are you doing?

Are you fucking nuts? No, we have to get to the bottom of the story.

They're putting clothes on. Get over it.

They're putting clothes on. We're here to do a job. A job, business.

I'm supposed to be getting your story.

Get over here. I have to pay $300 to see something like this.

Shut up.

Don't make me hurt you.

You can go fuck yourself.

No, we're $300. Look, there she is. Look, look, look.

What do you think you're doing? What's going on here? The press has a right to

know. Has a right to know what? What's going on here?

Irene. And Darian.

And you are hired. Darian, who are you? I'm Barbara Joyce.

Sure, okay. And what are you doing here? I'm here to investigate.

This is a hospital here. I'm here to investigate. Where do you think you're

going? You can't come in. You need to turn that light off. No. Turn off the

camera. Shut up. Where do you think you're going? You're a professional.

You're telling me to shut up? Shut up. Listen, this is a hospital.

Excuse me. Excuse me. We're here to investigate Darian and her

constitutional right, and we're here to find out why you're holding her.

Okay, well, that's confidential.

Basically, I would like to come in and look around.

possibly talk to Darian. Okay, that's totally impossible. You turn that camera

off. You turn it off. Hey, don't touch cameras. Excuse me.

Now, we just got you having sex with your nurse on film.

And you know what? All we have to do is make a couple phone calls and we could

put you and your lovely establishment out of business due to the fact of...

Oh, please. I mean, because all they have to do is call the syndicated press

and deliver a copy of the tapes. I think maybe we should talk.

Listen, I think we should talk.

We can talk, but we might have to do it off the record. Do you know what I mean?

Turn off the camera. Okay, shut up.

All right, lady, don't tell the fucking baby. The camera's off.

The camera's off.

Can we come inside? It's cold.

We just have a couple of questions.

I'm from Poland. I don't like cold very much. Well, you should be used to it,

you Polish immigrant. Come on in.

Is that very nice, the way you talk? Well, you're just barging into my house.

Keep it down. Keep it down. People are arresting you. Man, you're some doctor.

What is it that you want to do?

Don't worry, camera's off. Go ahead, talk.

So, are you holding Darian here?

Is this off the record? Yes, it is off the record. Don't worry about it. Well,

yes, she is here. Yes, and how long have you had her here?

She's been here for a good six months now. Okay, six months.

And why are you holding her?

Well, it's speculation, but she might very well have...

Some sort of sexually transmitted disease due to the erotic witch, but

that's all hypotheses right now. We don't know for a fact. You don't know

for a fact. So you haven't run any of the proper tests to find out whether or

not she has any of these diseases yet, have you?

I thought it's off the record. It is. I see what a bad habit she has. It's just

a... Oh, okay. You have a silly woman. Here, I'm going to put it down. She must

have been a cheerleader.

What were you?

I've been studying law all my life.

But I decided to become a doctor randomly.

A lawyer to a doctor. Yeah.

So anyways, you do have her here, though.

Yes, she's here. Can we speak with her?

I mean, it's just that we've been doing some research, and we were just trying

to figure out the rest of the story. And what about Katie or Victoria? We have no

recollection of them. Where are you going?

Where's the cutie pie nurse?

Oh, will you stop it?

Get back to work.

I can't work. She wants the camera off. What do you want me to do? Remember

everything? Okay, listen, it's business, right? Right.

Just so that you keep your mouth shut and you'll keep that tape with you, I

can possibly divulge some secrets of Darian and what's going on. Can we speak

with her?

Fine. Okay.

What a long...

Oh, come on. I haven't had a sleepover in years.

This will be so much fun.

Oh,

whatever.

You know, I used to love sleepovers.

We used to have sleepovers all the time when I was in school.

Yeah, me and all the girls.

Speaking of sleeping, I can't sleep in these clothes.

That's okay.

Could you sleep in these clothes?

Are you sleeping in your clothes? You have to sleep in your clothes. I have to

sleep in clothes. You can't get out of your clothes. It's against my religion

to sleep naked.

You have a religion?

Yeah, I might be mistaken for a bear.

A bear? Very hairy.

A bear?

A bear, yes. Not a gorilla.

You don't mind me looking at you like this, do you?

Like what? How are you looking at me? Nothing.

Nothing? You're my cameraman. You work for me. Come on.

Behave. No problem.

Hold on there. You just want to check on me.

Hey, boys in the newsroom, this one's for you. Are you turning that camera

off? No, I'm making sure it's off. I mean, come on. I'm disconnecting. The

lens is disconnected.

I can't sleep with the camera on.

You don't trust?

What do you mean I don't trust?

All we've been through, you don't trust.

It's okay.

Just turn it. Make sure it's off. Is it off? It's totally off. You can believe.

No, it's no problem.

It's okay. Okay.

All right, all right, all right. I believe you. I believe you. I believe

you.

Yeah, so who do you like in the office?

I don't like nobody.

You don't like nobody?

No, you Americans are too slobby.

Slobby? Too annoying.

Too what?

Could you slide down a little bit on the sofa?

Just a little bit.

Why?

Why?

It's no big deal. You're so weird.

Okay. You're such a freak.

So you want to go to bed or you want to play a game?

A game.

Okay, what do you want to play, checkers? Now let's play truth or dare.

Truth or dare?

You ever play truth or dare? I played that when I was in girl school.

I played with this girl and she dared me to do all kinds of fun things. It was

fun then.

Okay, you want to play?

You're not a girl, but... That is true.

You know... But I like girls.

Okay, if you promise to stay over there.

I promise.

No problem. Freak, okay.

I'm bored anyways.

It's been a weird day.

I'll go first.

Okay.

Truth or dare?

Better go with dare.

Okay. Let's see. This is kind of difficult. Let me think. Okay, dare.

Lick nipples.

Outside of bra, please. What? To lick outside of bra, please. Outside of bra?

Yeah, take off the bra and you lick the nipples. What?

Are you crazy? You want to cry.

What do you mean cry?

That's why I like nobody in New Jersey.

Why do I... I don't have to do all this shit. You are all crybabies.

I'm not a fucking crybaby.

You want to play a game or cry? Fine, shut up.

Just to prove you wrong, I'll do it.

You want to see me lick my nipple?

Yes, I do.

Fine, but this is just so you don't think I'm a wimp.

Stupid man.

Happy? Uh, at least 30 seconds of nipple- What?

I don't ride the rules. This is why we play in Gulag.

So, like, if I do something and dare you, it's like 60 seconds, right?

Sure, whatever you like.

30 seconds. You gonna count for me?

I'll count. I'll count in my head.

Oh, boy, this is good stuff.

Okay.

Five.

What do you mean, five?

You want me to count or you count?

What do you mean, five? That wasn't five. What are you counting? One, one.

Okay, all right, I'll count now outside.

One... Can I lick it with my finger?

Shit.

One tub of government butter.

Oh, fuck you. All right, you know what? You got it, you got it. I'm counting.

Two tub of government butter.

Three.

Four.

All right, your turn.

No, it's your turn. You know what? I feel very sleepy. What?

You are such a complete asshole.

I'm going to go to bed. No, you're not going to. You know what? I'm going to be

fired. Okay, good night. Shut up. Hi, everyone. You just ruined the game.

Oh, hi, Miss Kay.

Hey, how are you guys doing? Oh, very good. Very good. Now, thank you.

What's that?

So, I'm going to go to the store, get some handy wipes.

and a couple other things that we need here.

I have a few more questions.

Those questions will happen. I don't have time right now. Do you need some

unsalted butter?

I'll shut up. Can I just, I need to ask you just a few questions. Question.

Sure, well, the questions will have to come later. I just want to know what

Darian did to you. Can I show you what I want to know about? Listen, I have to go

to the store, and I really need for you two to be on your best behavior in this

room. I am on my best behavior. You cannot leave. Do you understand?

You cannot leave to go talk to Darian.

That's not happening. We'll have to do this at another time. I want to talk to

you. At another time, okay? Just one question. To shut her up, she drive me

nuts. I was wondering, did Darian touch you here?

No, no. That's a good question.

Or what about... Did she touch you here?

No.

I'm a professional. I don't do things of that nature.

I'll have to go. I'll be back with the girls. Okay.

We'll be good.

Uh-huh.

Okay. Your turn again. Truth or dare? Fuck you. It's your turn. Hey.

Shut up.

What? She left.

We have this whole place to ourselves.

You want to get crazy and do some things or what?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got enough Playboy and Spice stuff already. I think

we should go see if we can find... There.

You sure? We could go do that or you could wax my back. She's gone. I'm gonna

fuck you.

You're gonna do that? Excuse me.

Okay, I like that idea.

Let's go look for, you know, what we came here to do.

You're the boss, you know. All right, well, let's go. Come on.

Okay. So you want to shoot? Hold on. I have to get ready. I have to focus. I

want to shoot. Come on. Are you focusing on my face? Look, I must tell you. Come

on. We have to go find her. I know she's in here. You need to stay. God damn it.

You need to stay still. I need to focus.

Come on. The doctor's away. We have to find her before she comes back. Okay.

Stand still and get ready. Are you focusing on my face? I am focusing on

your best side.

That's the... No, no, no. Up here. Come on. Okay. Hold on. All right. I got

enough. This is Barbara Joyce.

And we are here trying to find Darian.

Wait, where's that camera going?

Come on, come on. I'm sorry, I just want to check focus.

All right.

So we're going to go look around now and see if we can find her in this

institution while the doctor's away. So come on. Okay, you walk, I follow.

Remember to keep it on my face. Turn around and I follow.

Oh, shit.

Did you see anything?

Uh, no.

I see nothing.

I see nothing.

Let's see.

I wonder where she's at. I know she's in here somewhere. Why don't you try that

door? Try this door?

Yes, see if that door opens.

Try that door.

It's locked.

That's not my face.

Wait, shh.

Do you hear something?

Come on. That might be Sierra.

Wait, are you sure? Look at the sign.

Look at the fucking sign. It says we were crazy people.

So? They said she was crazy. Where I come from, that does not mean good.

Oh, shit. Look at that.

I think she's in here.

What's that?

I think she's in here. Oh, okay.

Darian? I think that's her.

Oh, shit. Look on the floor.

Look, it's her.

The Darien? The Darien?

I guess she is.

Do you know what the erotic witch looks like?

Do you know how we can get in touch with the erotic witch?

Was she big-breasted or small-breasted?

Did she come on to destroy you?

Lick me.

Lick me. Do you have her phone number?

Fuck me. I don't know anything.

You don't know anything? No, I can't tell you anything. Why can't you tell me

anything? I don't know anything. Do you know what size breasts the erotic witch

had? I don't know.

I can't tell you anything. Do you know what size breasts mine are?

No, I can't tell you anything. Do you know? But if you fuck me, I'll go.

I'll give you a full interview.

You will?

I'll do anything. I'll tell you anything you want to know. You will? Just fuck

me. Really? Please, fuck me. That sounds like a good deal to me. Shut up! We're

not talking to you.

You gotta take these off.

Oh, what the hell?

How do you think I got this job anyways?

Not to mention you're a lot cuter.

Shut up and get busy.

um

Masha'Allah.

Thank you.

Are you ready to answer all my questions now?

Lady, I'm not going to tell you shit.

That's a good one.

Shut up. Hey, fuck you. Go back to wherever you came from. Hey, do you do

parties?

Do we do parties?

Yeah, sure. Why not?

Make a little extra money on the side. Turn the camera off.

It's off. Don't worry. Turn the camera off. It's off. I turned it off. Go away.

I know. It's off.

No more.

Ah boy.

That hot lesbian really gets my goat over there.

Alright, let's see what we got in this place.

Lock door.

Okay, let's see.

The fuck is this? Hang on, now you'll know, yeah?

You're over here.

Maybe this more hot lesbian monkey love back there.

Holy shit!

What the fuck?

What the fuck is that noise?

Goodness, what have we got here?

That's alright.

What?

This is good stuff.

Feels good.

Oh yeah, they make me wet.

Nice and wet.

Oh.

Shit right girls keep going. I have to go get tape. I'll be right back keep

keep going Yes, okay, I'll be right back

The Monkey King! The Monkey King!

that this man, in World War II, while he was fighting for your freedom, lost his

left earlobe.

And do you know what those kids did?

They laughed.

Ha, ha, hardy, ha, ha.

I said, listen, buddy boys, don't disrespect the badge.

I think it's high time that you took a little walk back home and spoke long and

sincerely to your parents. A real heart-to-heart, you know what I'm

saying?

Whereupon... Guermo and I took out our trusty nightsticks, and we beat the shit

out of them.

Cromwell, what's the problem? We have an escaped gorilla.

Okay, sweetie, hold on tight to your pantyhose.

We'll be there too, sweet.

We got a situation.

Let's book, Dano.

How do I turn this iron off?

Here, let me try it. Let me try it.

Did you get the batteries? Did you remember to buy them?

I ask you to buy 2D batteries and what do you do?

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my fucking head. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh.

Oh, God.

Where the fuck is everybody?

To leave fucking Georgie here to unconsciousness.

God damn it.

Is my camera okay?

I've had enough.

I've had enough of these lesbians. I've eaten this already for one day.

Oh, Christ. You're fucking killing me.

I have to get out.

God damn it.

I have to get out.

God damn fuck.

God damn fuck.

There's no handle. What the fuck is this?

Jesus. Christ, you fucking guerrilla, you fucking, you crazy!

You crazy fucking huffing guerrilla! Get the fuck away!

To leave me there to die in puddle of my own peace and blood.

God damn it, how the fuck to get out?

How the fuck to get out?

What the fuck?

Fucking kitchen, I don't need no fucking kitchen.

That's the crazy bitches.

Hey, you crazy bitch!

Hold on, let me pull it out of my fucking ass.

Since it got mushed when you leave me in the hallway to die like a dog.

I'll give you your tape back when I'm done. Hey, maybe you can autograph tape

when you're done, okay? Absolutely, I will. Sure, put in the tape. Let's see

the incriminating evidence.

Sure, here, let me put it in.

I'm going to put it in. It's mine.

Shut up. Hey, you crazy bitches, show tape. Keep it down.

Will you chill out?

You are so dead when we get out. I'm dead? You are fucking dead. I'm dead?

What? You're fucking dead when they get out. Just shut up. Look at the tape.

You...

Mary and Joseph. It's the gorilla. Pull over. Pull over.

Come on, let's go see what's going on with this dyke witch.

I think I broke a rib.

Which one?

All of them.

All of them, okay.

Um, walk it off.

in Jesus.

from the A.J. Kahn Institute in Boccasville, New Jersey. You can see the

institute behind me here.

Last night, a lot of strange things going on here. There were reports of

orgiastic sounds, moaning, screaming, just wild things going on inside from

the neighbors next door here.

A team of reporters was sent in to see if they could find anything that was

going on in there.

There was no sign of the doctor. There was no sign of the patients, no sign of

the nurses.

The Boccasville sheriff... was also sent in to investigate there's no sign of the

sheriff um just strange surreal things going on here the only thing that was

found was a videotape and we go to the videotape right now

goldfish