Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Yeah, I know it's none of my business,

but I just wanted to say...

Oh, Becker.

I heard from Chris.

Who cares?

Well, yesterday you were asking all about her,

so...

I don't care about her.

Why?

What did she want?

I'll tell you his feelings.

Becker for Chris.

I mean, it's pathetic.

Have you ever seen anyone act out so

much in your life?

So who knew after all these years Reggie

would be interested in Becker?

I guess all it took was for him

to be interested in someone else.

You know how something can be right in

front of your face and you never notice

it?

But then something happens to make you notice

it, and then you wonder why you never

noticed it to begin with?

I never really noticed.

You know what?

Forget it.

I really should go.

Okay.

God, I'm so lame.

Hey, Reg.

Oh, look, Becker, about last night...

Yeah, yeah, about that.

I think I know what was going on.

You do?

Well, look, I should...

You were drunk, weren't you?

Yes, that's it.

I was drunk.

I'm so glad you figured it out.

Well, hey, no big deal.

I've been there plenty of times, believe me.

You just had one of those nights where

it finally hits you just how pitiful your

life is.

Yes, that's it.

Uh, yeah, you get so depressed, you have

a drink.

One drink leads to four or five.

End up getting so wasted before you know

it, you're making an ass of yourself.

Like you did last night in my apartment.

Yes, yes.

That's what happened.

What was that about?

Reggie was drinking?

Oh, she just had a bad night.

I talked to her.

I think she's feeling better.

Hey, most people don't start drinking until after

they talk to you.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, Chris, welcome back.

Oh, I'm glad to be back.

I had a wonderful trip.

The weather was beautiful, saw a lot of

old friends.

Oh, and I even found my old...

Excuse me.

Did it ever occur to you that Jake

and I might be having a very important

conversation?

Oh, my mistake.

Please continue.

Well, the moment's gone now.

All I was going to say was that

when I was home, I found all my

old racquetball stuff, and now I am dying

to play.

Anybody want to join me?

Blind guy in a small room swinging a

piece of wood around.

You sure you want to take that chance?

How about you, Reggie?

Oh, no.

I got really hurt once on a racquetball

court.

Oh, just spraying something?

No, that's where my boyfriend taught me.

Don't look at me.

Yeah, racquetball is really not my sport.

What is your sport?

You're looking at it.

I can't believe there's not one person here

who wants to play racquetball.

Racquetball?

Bob loves racquetball.

I was like, all-city racquetball.

My middle name is Racquetball.

Well, actually, it's Benito, but that seems to

have gone out of fashion.

All right, we're on.

I'll reserve a court at the Y.

Three o'clock, okay?

Perfect.

See you there.

Can't wait.

Me, you, racquetball.

Okay.

What's racquetball?

Uh-huh.

Sounds good.

All right, Julie, I'll see you soon.

Big plans for the evening?

Oh, not really.

We're just going to grab something to eat,

maybe go to a club.

What are you doing tonight?

Well, let's see.

I'm going to go home and get dinner

started.

It's Tuesday, so that means mac and cheese.

Lewis and I will eat in front of

the television.

He'll fall asleep.

I'll do the crossword.

Go to bed, get up, and start all

over tomorrow.

What's this for?

All of it.

What do you mean?

Your life is just so dull.

My life isn't dull.

Sometimes I cut up little hot dogs into

the mac and cheese.

Stop that.

I can't help it.

You need a night out.

Look, come with Julie and me.

We'll go to dinner, maybe go dancing.

It'll be fun.

On a Tuesday?

Oh, I don't know.

No, you have to come with me, or

else it'll ruin my night.

I'll be out somewhere having fun, and then

I'll start thinking of you with the mac

and the cheese and the hot dogs and

Lewis.

Look, just do it for me, okay?

All right.

Almost there.

One more step.

Oh, my God.

Are you all right?

I'll get John.

What happened?

Oh, I'm not really sure.

We were playing racquetball.

I don't know if I was going for

the ball or Bob was.

I've never seen anyone move that fast.

Bob?

He was a blur.

Guy's in street clothes and a leather jacket.

He's running up the walls like in the

Matrix.

Was pretty good, wasn't I?

Did you twist your ankle?

No, no.

It's my knee.

It's happened before.

It's like it popped out of the socket

or something.

Ew, gross.

Linda.

Well, it is.

Let's get you back to an exam room.

I'll take a look.

Well, okay.

We'll do this again soon, okay?

But, you know, everything up to the point

where you were curled up in a ball

on the floor screaming.

It's amazing how many of my dates end

that way.

John, do you want me to stay or?

No, no, no.

Go on home, Margaret.

I don't want you to miss mac and

cheese night.

How do you know it's mac and cheese

night?

It's Tuesday.

You, me.

Let's go.

Sorry to bother you like this.

I would have gone to the emergency room,

but they make you wait like 10 hours

before anyone helps you.

The only thing they really care about is

how you're going to pay.

Yeah, they are pretty heartless.

You do have insurance, don't you?

Yes.

Okay, then.

Let's take a look here.

You know, the last time I popped my

knee out like this, I was sunbathing in

Mexico.

You popped your knee out sunbathing?

Kind of a funny story, really.

I was in this lounge chair and it

actually folded up on me, you know, like

in a cartoon.

Even an injury amuses you?

Can't you just bitch and moan like everybody

else?

Ow, ow, ow, that hurts.

That's more like it.

Oh.

Oh, just, you just popped it back in.

How'd you do that?

Who knows?

I just move stuff around until you stop

screaming.

Now, you don't understand.

I had my hand on Chris's knee.

Okay, maybe I'm missing something here.

Why is that a problem?

Because she's a woman.

I'm not supposed to notice that.

You know, a patient is a patient and

they're just parts with insurance.

There's your ad for the Yellow Pages.

You know, I don't even understand why I

had feelings like that for her at all.

I mean, what are you trying to say?

That I like her?

Because I can't stand her.

She's annoying.

She's chirpy.

She sure smells good.

Yeah, yeah, she does.

Yeah, that's not the point, Jake.

You know, I shouldn't have even looked at

her like that.

You know, I'm a professional.

Oh, you know what?

You're absolutely right.

Yeah, she's a patient.

I'm a doctor.

I just won't think of her as anything

more than that.

Thank you, Jake.

That really helped.

It was nothing.

Really.

What was that about?

Where did you come from?

It doesn't matter what was that about.

Nothing.

Liar.

Sounded to me like Chris was throwing herself

at Becker.

Of all the doctors in New York, she

has to go to him?

Okay, Rez, I think you're making too big

a deal.

What are you saying?

You're saying I like Becker?

I never said that.

Well, you're wrong.

I'll tell you what this is.

It's Skipper all over again.

Skipper?

Barbie's younger sister.

Everybody wanted to play with Barbie.

Nobody wanted to play with Skipper.

Then one day, my cousin came over and

picked up Skipper.

That was all it took.

I never wanted anything so bad my whole

life.

So that's all this is.

I'm sure of it.

Thanks, Jake.

It helps to talk.

I wouldn't know.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, Bob.

All right, enough chit-chat.

We need to talk.

I like Chris.

What are you saying?

You don't think I have a shot with

her?

Well, let's not forget who made the first

move.

That racquetball game?

She asked me.

And we really clicked.

Every time I hit the ball, she hit

it back.

I think that means something.

You know, Bob.

You know what?

You're right.

I should just go ahead and ask her

out.

Thanks, Jake.

I don't know what I did, but apparently

I'm very good at it.

Sorry to bother you again, but my knee

isn't getting any better.

I'm in so much pain, and I don't

know what else to do.

Gee, you should be feeling better by now.

Let's take another look.

Does it hurt if I do this?

No.

How about this?

No.

How about if I do this?

Morning, Dr. Richard.

Wow, you look terrible.

I'm sorry.

That came out wrong.

I mean awful.

Well, maybe awful is too strong a word,

but you look much worse than usual.

Thanks so much.

You know, I had a rough night.

Well, two patients just canceled, so you have

a free hour.

Why don't you go into your office and

take a nap?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, if I sleep, I'm going to dream.

And if I dream, someone could get hurt.

You know what?

I think I'm just going to get some

fresh air.

I'll be at the diner having a cigarette.

No, where's Margaret?

Oh, she's off giving home care to Mr.

Thompson.

Mr. Thompson died last month.

Then she should be back soon.

Not now.

Louis, get off me.

Ew, gross.

Oh, I came in early because I wanted

to sleep for a few minutes.

What time is it?

It's almost nine.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Well, it's no wonder considering how much you

drank last night.

Who knew there was such a wild woman

under that polyester smock?

What did I do?

You drank, you danced, you stood up and

sang, What's Love Got to Do With It?

Oh, yeah, the karaoke bar.

That wasn't a karaoke bar.

That was Grand Central Station.

But I distinctly remember reading words going across

the screen.

You were watching CNN.

But didn't I sing into a microphone?

Actually, you grabbed a skinny ball guy around

the neck and you were screaming into his

head.

I hope you're happy, Chick.

Yesterday, when I told you about Chris's knee,

you said it was nothing.

Well, last night, I had a dream where

I was about to kiss her and her

leg came off.

You know, you keep your Freudian theories to

yourself.

I don't like her.

I don't want her in my life.

I don't want anybody in my life.

Stop putting those stupid thoughts into my head.

Why would you tell him that?

Just because Becker dreamt he was with Chris

doesn't mean he's attracted to her.

I mean, where do you come up with

this stuff?

Like that stupid Skipper story.

Now all I can think about is someone

took my doll and I want him back

so I can play with him.

Her!

Well, you know what I mean.

You had to tell me to ask Chris

out, didn't you?

Well, thanks to you, she's in tears right

now.

That's right, she said she could never go

out with me because I reminded her too

much of Paolo.

That's right, Paolo.

Her first and only true love who died

tragically in a tragic accident.

War kick was almost over too.

Then I came along with my dark athletic

good looks and this faux leather jacket.

It broke her heart.

Way to go, Jake.

If I could see them coming, I'd hide.

You know what you need?

Don't say a little hair at a dog

that bit me.

Well, I don't know what kind of weird

voodoo you're into, but I was just going

to suggest a Bloody Mary.

Marv, you had a lab call back on

Mrs. Kramer's test results?

I typed them up and put them on

your desk.

And did you submit the HMO forms from

last week?

I filled them out this morning.

What about the x-ray machine?

I called the repair company and they'll be

here within the hour.

Good job, Marv.

Yeah, Linda, don't just stand there.

At least look like you're doing something.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

Well, I was in the neighborhood, so I

thought I'd stop by.

Linda said to come on back.

Oh, Linda, totally useless.

So how's your knee?

Well, my knee's fine, but now I'm having

some neck pain.

I don't know if I hurt it when

I fell or when Bob tried to give

me CPR.

Why would Bob give you CPR?

Oh, I think he just wanted to.

Here, let me show you where it hurts.

Actually, I have a better idea.

Is that a prescription for painkillers?

No, it's the name of an orthopedist.

And here's the name of a good physical

therapist.

And here's a referral for a new GP.

Why would I need a new doctor?

I have you.

I don't want to treat you anymore.

Why not?

Well, it's your insurance.

I can't accept it.

I'll pay cash.

Look, I'm very busy around here.

We're both solid.

I can come after work.

I'm too tired after work.

Did something happen since the last time I

was here?

Yeah, look, you know, you had an emergency.

I took care of that, all right?

I don't want any new patients.

Let's just leave it at that, all right?

So take your knee and your neck and

get out of here.

Fine.

People say you're surly and obnoxious, but they're

wrong.

You're just an ass.

My hair hurts.

Margaret, why don't you just go home?

No, that's okay.

I'll make it.

But I do want to thank you, Linda.

You have really been on top of things

today.

But it makes me wonder, why can't you

be like this every day?

Because this was an emergency.

You see, Margaret, I like that cute little

spare tire.

The one you use when the real one

blows out.

Well, still, it's good to know that I

can count on you.

Well, don't go crazy.

That little tire will get you to the

next gas station, but it's a really bad

idea to drive across country.

I got it.

All right, I've been thinking about it, and

I know why you won't see me as

a patient.

I gave you, like, 30 reasons why.

But you didn't give me the real reason.

It's because you like me.

What?

And you know what?

I think I like you, too.

Now, I have no idea why, based on

the rude way you treat me, but maybe

that's just your way of showing affection.

We'll have to work on that.

Uh, so, why don't we just cut to

the chase?

Go out and see what happens.

Who are you?

What do you mean?

I mean, what planet do you come from?

Where is it that people act like you?

You're always so damn...

happy.

You know, it makes me sick.

I'm not always happy.

Yes, you are.

It's like you love everything.

I don't love everything.

Oh, good, good.

Fantastic.

Let's hear something you hate.

Anything.

I just need to know you're human.

Okay.

Fair is fair.

If I tell you something I hate, you

have to tell me something you love.

Yeah, whatever, whatever.

All right.

You first.

No, no, no way.

You first.

Okay.

I hate that it's so important to you

that I hate something.

Uh...

All right.

Oh.

I hate when I get to the end

of a really good book.

That's cheating.

You can't hate something you already love.

I hate my mother.

Wow, home run.

Why?

Oh, because she never...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You are gonna have to work for that

one.

Come on, your turn.

Something you love.

I love knowing there's something you hate.

Now, come on.

All right.

All right.

Something...

All right, give me a minute.

Oh, this...

No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

All right, all right, all right.

All right, fine.

You know, I...

I love the way it smells after a

rainstorm.

Oh, you're serious?

I didn't...

No, no, no, no, no.

I think, you know, this is not gonna

work.

No, no, no, no, you're kidding.

No, you know, really, forget it.

I think you should just go.

Is that really what you want?

No, it isn't.

So now what?

What, are you dope?

Now we kiss.

That was nice.

And a relief.

Why?

Your leg didn't come off.

Easy, killer, it wasn't that nice.

Whoa, wait a minute, where are you going?

Well, I made the first move.

Why don't you take some time and think

about the next one?

Hey, Becker.

What are you doing here so late?

I just came to get a cigarette.

You came all the way here for cigarettes?

They sell them everywhere.

Yeah, but these are already paid for.

Are you okay?

Fine.

Are you sure?

I mean, because if there's something you want

to talk about...

I'm fine.

Okay, you're fine.

Oh, all right.

Chris just came over and she told me

something she hated.

I told her something I loved and then

we had this really great kiss.

Unbelievable.

Yeah, I know.

Who knew she had those kind of feelings

for me?

Yeah, it's amazing how something like that could

go right past you.

What?

It's the last thing I need right now,

a relationship.

I'll tell you, she really gave me something

to think about.

Well, Becker, I hate to make your life

more complicated, but here's something else for you

to think about.

Okay.