Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hey, Darrell, what can I get you today?

I'm just taking a pack of cigarettes and

some gum.

No magazines for your wife?

No, not today.

Okay, see ya.

All right.

Wow.

Poor guy.

His marriage is falling apart.

What makes you think that?

Hey, listen, Darrell's been a customer for years.

I know him like the back of my

hand.

Yeah?

When was the last time you saw that?

Every Friday, he comes in and buys fashion

magazines for his wife.

Now, all of a sudden, just cigarettes and

gum.

So what?

Well, so obviously, he's upset.

He started smoking.

And I'm guessing he got the gum so

his wife won't find out.

Well, maybe he's just trying to be considerate.

I mean, I'd love today to considerate, man.

On the other hand, I bet the cigarettes

would get to me and I'd ask him

to quit, and then he'd tell me he

did, but then he'd end up sneaking them

at the office.

And if he'd lie about that, who knows

what he'd lie about?

You know, I bet he's sleeping with that

slutty secretary of his.

That's just great.

Now he's not only lying to me, he's

cheating on me.

Well, to hell with him.

It's over.

I don't know where you meet these guys.

Morning.

Boy, am I happy to see you.

Oh, that's so nice, Becker.

I was talking to my cigarettes.

So, what's going on around here?

Well, Reggie just split up with her imaginary

boyfriend.

Wow.

Even the pretend ones dump you.

For your information, I dumped him.

So where's the human smiley face?

Who?

You know, what's her name?

Chris.

Well, she hasn't been in today.

Probably out putting bluebirds on people's shoulders.

Actually, I saw her getting into a cab

last night with a huge suitcase.

I mean, I watched her try to drag

it down the stairs for like 20 minutes.

I mean, she didn't even say goodbye.

Kind of rude, don't you think?

Suitcase?

Cab?

I'm guessing she's going on a trip.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

You know, Chris was in here yesterday, and

she didn't say anything about leaving town.

I mean, why would she?

She just started a new job.

She probably quit already.

She's had, what, like about a thousand different

jobs, and she never stays in one place

for more than like five minutes.

What's it to you if she leaves town?

Does she owe you money?

All I'm saying is, you know, what kind

of way is that to live?

You know, move on as soon as you

get tired or something?

I tell you what it is.

It's irresponsible.

It's selfish, and it's irresponsible.

Oh, jeez.

That's me.

I double parked.

Yeah, all right, all right, all right.

Okay, how weird was that?

Yeah, he usually doesn't care if he's blocking

someone in.

Ew, suddenly he's all hot and bothered about

what Chris is doing.

What does he care whether she's in town

or out of town?

I mean, he's acting like he likes her.

Weird.

Speaking of weird, what was that?

I mean, suddenly Reggie's a little too concerned

over what Becca thinks about Chris.

She almost sounds jealous.

First of all, Reggie's not interested in Becca.

Second of all, Becca's not interested in Chris.

And third of all, I'm not interested in

any of this.

Okay, Holly, so I showed you the exam

rooms, the supply cabinet, and the x-ray

machine.

Oh, about the x-ray machine, I'm really

sorry.

Does it always shoot out sparks like that?

No, that was a first, but don't worry

about it.

I'm sure it was an accident.

I'll swear to it if you will.

Okay, so, I guess that about covers everything.

Just remember that the phones and the appointment

book are the most important thing.

Oh, and a bit of advice, if you

want to leave early, just leave an open

bottle of nail polish on the counter, and

that way Margaret thinks you're still here.

Nail polish.

Is that flammable?

I guess so.

Why?

No reason.

Hi, Margaret.

We were just talking about you.

All good things.

This is Holly.

It's her first day, and I was just

showing her around the office.

Hi.

Hello.

Linda, may I speak to you for a

moment?

Excuse us, Holly.

Uh, you mentioned that this is her first

day.

Of what?

Of working here.

I sublet my job to her for a

week.

Linda, you can't sublet your job.

Of course I can.

It's my job.

It's no different than when I'd sublet my

apartment.

Besides, this is a matter of life and

death.

Yeah, it just might be.

Go ahead.

Okay, here's the thing.

I have to go to traffic school for

Robin, so that she can work Wendy's shift

at the deli, so that Wendy can cover

for Cindy, who's been taking stentodialysis for the

last ten years, but she can't now because

she has to go to Dana's lesbian commitment

ceremony in Hawaii.

Hawaii?

Well, Dana's from Alabama.

Her girlfriend's from Hawaii.

If you were a lesbian, where would you

rather get married?

Well, I have always wanted to go to

Hawaii, so...

But why can't Holly fill in for Cindy?

You know, I am sorry that Stan's dialysis

is so inconvenient for you, Margaret.

Where's your compassion?

Everyone else is pulling together for Stan.

Why can't you?

Well, I guess you're right.

I guess I was being selfish.

All right, she can stay.

Oh, Holly, it's so nice that you and

Linda have such a close-knit group of

friends.

Oh, I don't know any of those people.

I just answered an ad.

But you do have medical experience, right?

I had hepatitis once.

See, she'll be great.

Hey, Margaret, who's the new girl not working

behind the front desk?

That would be Holly.

Who's Holly?

Well, it involves Linda, a guy named Stan,

and a couple of lesbians in Hawaii.

You don't want to hear about it.

Leave out the part about Linda and Stan

and tell me the rest.

Hi.

Hi.

Who are you?

Holly.

Where's Linda?

Traffic school.

Oh, she got a ticket.

I just answered an ad.

Well, I just need to drop something off

for Becker.

Do you have an appointment?

You don't understand.

I'm just dropping off his lunch.

They said no one gets in to see

the doctor without an appointment.

So when would you like to come in?

How about now?

I'm sorry, he's with a patient.

I just want to drop off his lunch.

Oh, hi, Reggie.

Oh, Margaret, thank God.

She doesn't have an appointment.

It's okay, Holly.

I'll take care of it.

What can I do for you, Reg?

I'm just dropping off Becker's lunch.

That's very nice of you.

Well, he was kind of upset this morning.

He was going on and on about Chris.

Apparently she left town and it really bothered

him.

But I'm sure you've heard all about it.

He didn't say anything to me.

Really?

Not a word.

Oh, that's a relief.

I mean, for him.

And you.

I'll see you later.

What about the food?

Right!

Right, the food!

That is why I came over.

What a ditz.

Thanks a lot, Jake.

Hey, Daryl.

I don't mean to pry, but is everything

okay with you?

Well, actually, yeah, everything's fine.

But thanks for asking.

Wow.

Breaks my heart to see that.

What?

He just bought a razor, a toothbrush, and

another pack of cigarettes.

Yeah, that is bad.

Why is that bad?

Oh, please, come on.

He's still smoking, all right?

And he's obviously moved out of his house.

Why else would he buy cigarettes, a toothbrush,

and a razor?

Well, maybe he's buying a kid a birthday

present.

Why?

What'd you get when you were six?

Hey, guys.

Where's Reggie?

Reg!

Reg!

Stop yelling.

What do you want?

Uh, yesterday, when you brought lunch over to

the office, that worked out well.

Not the food part, but the convenience.

So I'd like to, uh, place an order

for today.

Look, just because I brought you lunch yesterday,

don't expect me to do it all the

time.

Sometimes it gets a little crazy around here,

and I can't leave.

It just doesn't happen when you're here.

Oh, Becker, I heard from Chris.

Who cares?

Well, yesterday, you were asking all about her,

so I thought...

I don't care about her.

Why?

What did she want?

She called and asked if I could feed

her fish.

I didn't know she had fish.

I did.

Why?

Because she bought a Milky Way and a

Sports Illustrated?

No, because she told me.

So she just took off and left her

fish alone?

What do you care about Chris's fish?

I don't.

Then why are you talking about it?

I'm not.

I'm just saying that, you know, she's the

one who pretends to care so much about

everything, but clearly she doesn't.

You don't just take off and leave your

fish alone and think that they don't care.

I mean, they expect to look out the

side of their tank and see, you know,

their person there.

I mean, anybody can dump in the food.

Actually, I think anyone can.

Yeah, I'm doing it.

So Chris left town for a few days.

What's it to you?

It's not about me.

It's about the fish.

They're a lot more like us than you

realize.

You know, they're living creatures.

They think.

They have feelings.

Fine.

What do you want for lunch?

Tuna sandwich.

Fish have feelings.

Please.

I'll tell you who has feelings.

Becker for Chris.

I mean, it's pathetic.

Have you ever seen anyone act out so

much in your life?

See?

I was right.

Reggie's jealous that John's interested in Chris.

Or maybe Becker's interested in Reggie, and he's

just saying all that stuff about Chris to

make her jealous.

You think?

Or there's another possibility.

Did we ever consider that maybe Reggie's jealous

because she and Chris have feelings for each

other?

No.

Could we?

Holly, I don't know if Linda told you,

but we like to keep a pot of

coffee going all day, so could you make

some?

Oh, you do not want me to make

coffee.

They asked me to do it at my

last job, and it didn't work out well

at all.

Where was that?

Starbucks.

Oh.

Well, uh, the paper in the copy machine

needs to be refilled.

How about that?

Did you hear about the fire at Kinko's?

Okay.

Well, uh, the drug cabinet needs to be

locked, and I think I'll go do that

right now, so, um, you just sit there

and read your book.

I think that would be best.

Hi, Margaret.

I only have a minute.

My traffic school instructor got a DUI on

his way back from lunch, so they're sending

in a new teacher.

Anyway, I just stopped by to tell you

that Stan is doing well and to see

how things are going with Holly.

Not great.

She doesn't do anything.

She can't do anything.

I may as well have a cardboard cutout

of you.

There's one in the storeroom.

Well, who do you think worked late last

Wednesday?

Okay, Jake.

You're the people expert.

You think Chris is the type of person

who gets attached to her pets?

Did you forget to feed her fish?

No, her fish ate...

each other.

Well, nice job.

Well, who knew you had to feed them

every day?

What do you expect a fish to do?

Show up at your door with a bowl

in its mouth?

Maybe she won't notice.

She won't notice one fat fish with a

tail sticking out of its mouth?

I know.

I'll just tell her all the other fish

are hiding in that little castle on the

bottom of the tank.

Now I got to go buy one of

those.

So you didn't even tell her?

Well, I didn't want to ruin her trip.

I figured one more day wouldn't matter.

She's coming back tomorrow?

Yeah, she's just picking up the last of

her things at her ex-husband's.

Ex-husband's?

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's interesting.

So she's been married once.

You've been married twice.

Yeah, but I'm not the one trying to

pass myself off as someone who gets along

with everybody.

Clearly.

You know, relationships aren't easy.

I used to go with this guy, and

we had to break up because not only

was he a smoker, but he was cheating

on me.

Reg, Reg, Reg.

You made him up.

Oh, right.

You know, all I'm saying is, you know,

Chris isn't the perfect little angel.

She wants us to think.

Can't wait to see her, so I let

her know I'm on to her.

Oh, my God.

He's obsessed with her.

One of us could have our hair on

fire, and he wouldn't even notice.

I think he'd notice if it was your

hair.

Oh, you know, that would be like a

really big fire.

So who knew after all these years, Reg

would be interested in Becker?

I guess all it took was for him

to be interested in someone else.

Well, he's been interested in women before.

Yeah, but he's never cared when they've gone

away.

Listen, take my word for it.

I see things that you don't.

Yeah, you're right.

It's like you have a sixth sense.

Or in your case, a fifth.

Hey, Jake.

It's me, Daryl.

Hey, Daryl.

How you doing?

Well, much better, actually.

I don't know if you could tell, but

the last few weeks, I've been under a

lot of stress.

Actually, you know what?

I knew it.

I just told Bob that the other day.

Really?

You knew?

Yeah, what can I say?

I kind of have a sense about these

things.

Don't I, Bob?

Yeah, I guess you do.

And actually, you know what?

You were giving off little signals in your

own way.

You know, you stopped buying magazines for your

wife.

You started smoking.

So then you knew I was gay.

Say what?

Yeah, you really do know people, Jake.

You know, I'll be honest.

One of the reasons I finally decided to

come out was seeing the way you two

show your love for each other.

Say what?

You know, you just...

You're so open about your relationship.

Every time I come in here, always together,

laughing, kidding around.

Us?

Listen, Daryl, I'm really happy for you, but

you got this all wrong.

Yeah, I know.

You must have your moments like any other

couple, but I just hope one day I'm

in a relationship with someone who looks at

me the way Bob looks at you.

I just had to come in to tell

you guys thanks for being such an inspiration.

Yeah, nobody knows people like you do.

Never mind that.

We need to have a serious discussion about

the way you've been looking at me, man.

It's amazing.

I've never seen a computer just burst into

flames like that.

I have.

Good news.

I'm all done with traffic school, so thanks,

Holly, but I'm not gonna name you anymore.

Oh, what a shame.

Holly, I am so sorry to see you

go.

Look, if you ever want me to come

back, I'll give you my number.

It's 579...

Great, 579.

If I ever need the rest of it,

I'll call you.

So, anything new around here?

Don't you see the smoke coming out of

the computer?

Holly did that.

Boy, she must type really fast.

Shh.

So, how's Stan?

Well, everyone decided it'd be best if he

was treated at home from now on.

Oh, Linda, I'm so sorry.

I didn't know it was that bad.

Yeah, especially after he got one of the

other patients pregnant.

Now they're just gonna neuter him and take

him home.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

Stan is a dog.

Did I forget to mention that?

Yes, you forgot to mention that, which makes

what I have to say even more difficult.

What's that?

I'm so glad you're back.

Hey, Reg.

Kind of late.

Everything okay?

Well, you know, Becker, I was in the

mood for Chinese food, so I went to

Ming's, and then I remembered how much you

liked it, so I thought maybe you might

like some Chinese food, too.

Uh, uh, actually, see, I'm...

You already ate.

Yeah, yeah, but you were right.

I was certainly in the mood for Chinese.

Oh, so you want to come in or

something?

Yeah, I think I do.

What'd you want?

Okay.

Look, I've been thinking about something, so I

thought I'd just come over here and say

it and get it over with.

Say what?

You know how something can be right in

front of your face and you never notice

it, but then something happens to make you

notice it, and then you wonder why you

never noticed it to begin with?

I never really noticed.

Well, what I'm trying to say is...

Becker, is there any chance you already know

why I'm here?

It was the food, right?

No.

No, it's much more important than the food.

It's, uh...

That chair.

Have you always had that?

This?

Yeah, yeah.

I got it in my last divorce.

I stole it from my wife's lawyer.

See, that's the perfect example of what I'm

talking about.

That's a really nice chair, and I've really

never noticed it.

I mean, that's an Eames chair.

It's probably worth more than your car.

Was Chinese food worth more than my car?

Yeah, that's not my point.

Yeah, what is your point, Reg?

Well, that I've been here so many times,

and I've never really seen that chair.

I mean, I've seen it, but I've never

really seen it.

Don't you see what I'm trying to say,

Becker?

Yeah.

We're not really talking about the chair, are

we, Reg?

Thank you.

Yeah.

So what are we talking about?

You know what?

I...

Uh, forget it.

I really should go.

Okay.

Nice to see you.

Hope that cleared things up.

God, I'm so lame.

Oh, my God.

What's the matter with me?

Hey, Reg!

Reg!

Yes?

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I can reheat this for breakfast.