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(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Come on, try it.

It's chewy.

A little spongy.

No real flavor.

Yet a curious aftertaste.

You give up?

It's an omelette.

You're kidding.

It's this new product called Yeggs.

It comes in a tube.

You don't even have to cook it.

You just break the seal and squirt it

on a plate.

Oh, come on!

Come on, how are you gonna get through

life if you don't try new things?

Not bad.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, Chris.

Hey, Chris, can I get you anything?

Uh, yeah, maybe just a couple of scrambled...

Just coffee.

Good choice.

So, how's it going?

You getting settled in?

Getting used to this city?

Yeah, you feel like a real New Yorker

yet?

Pretty much.

I've been, uh, flipped off, flashed, and, uh,

strangely enough, I've yet to get the right

change back from anybody.

Yeah, that was a five.

Sorry.

You know what I hate?

Who's got the list?

Delivery people.

Every morning for a week, I've been waiting

at home for a package to be delivered,

but the guy won't leave it.

Keeps putting these little stickers on my door,

you know, while you were out.

You know, I-I don't think he even

tries to leave it.

I bet he just waits until I take

a shower or step out on the fire

escape to empty the trash.

What's in the package?

That's the point.

I don't know.

So it'll be a surprise.

That's exciting.

Oh, you again.

For your information, surprise is never good.

Well, what about the time you got the

free Yankee tickets in the mail?

That was a surprise.

No, that was a trick.

When I got to the stadium, the cops

were waiting for me with about 100 unpaid

parking tickets.

Well, that is brilliant.

Well, it is.

I used to throw pecans like that, and

then my astrologer told me to stop being

such a sucker.

You believe in astrology?

Mm-hmm.

That's such a scam.

Well, that's what my psychic says.

You know, there's a chance your package could

be something good.

Yeah, like that'll ever happen.

Why do you always look on the dark

side?

You know, I find that generally what we

put out in the world is what we

get back.

In fact...

Oh, oh, damn it.

Just curious, did that coffee come out of

a cup that was half full or half

empty?

Let's see you put a positive spin on

that.

Well, uh, these pants are ruined, so that

gives me an excuse to go out and

buy new ones.

I guess you didn't feel that way back

in the 60s when you spilled on your

tie.

I'm liking her more and more.

Oh, good Lord.

You're looking at porn?

All right, Margaret.

I didn't go to this site on purpose.

Don't apologize.

Just scoot over.

Oh, I don't believe this.

All I did was open an e-mail

that said, greetings from a friend.

The one thing that girl does not need

is another friend.

Just help me get rid of it.

Close the window.

I tried, but every time I do, another

one pops up.

Watch.

Either of you see a guy with a

package?

Well, actually...

Well?

No.

They haven't delivered that yet?

No.

They said the package was down at their

office.

So I go there, and they say the

package is on the truck.

So I say, where's the truck?

They say, on its route.

So I say, what route?

Then they...

Please, tell me everything.

Oh, yeah.

I like your stories.

They're so damn interesting.

Excuse me.

Is there a...

Give me that, will you?

Easy.

You got to sign for it first.

Fine, I'll sign for it.

Not a dot-gold-age waiting for you

to deliver this.

Sorry for the inconvenience, Mr. Screw-You.

Very funny.

What, syringes?

Antibiotics?

Polio vaccine?

This is all useless.

This is not the package I want.

Then why'd you sign for it?

Look, the package I wanted was supposed to

be delivered to my apartment, but it wasn't.

So they told me to go down to

your office, which I did, but then they

told me it was on your truck.

So I said, you know, where's the truck?

Gets more interesting every time you tell it.

Oh, shut up.

Becker, Becker.

Oh, yeah.

There is a package for you.

Huh.

I tried to deliver it six times, but

you're never home.

Didn't you get a sticker?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I collected the whole set.

Just go to your truck and get it

for me, will you, please?

It's not on the truck.

It's back at the office.

I was just at the office.

They said it was on your truck.

What the hell's going on here?

Where's my other package?

All right, you found us out.

We have no intention of ever giving you

that one.

We're just gonna keep delivering those little yellow

stickers until you either give up or go

out of your mind.

Hey, what about my package?

Here you go.

I swear, this delivery guy's toying with me

just for sport.

It's like I'm a monkey in a cage.

Well, you know what happens when you dangle

a banana just out of a monkey's reach?

Yeah, they kick you and your cousin out

of the zoo.

Oh, John, I'm glad you're still here.

That delivery guy showed up right after you

left.

Yeah, whatever.

Just give me that.

You're welcome.

Yeah, what is it with you and thank

yous?

What the hell is this?

It's cold.

It's packed in dry ice.

Maybe it's the heart you always wanted.

So what is it?

Oh, it's frozen steaks.

Eight premium corn-fed fillets.

Montana beef?

Those cows look better than we do.

Well, up until they cut them up and

put them in the box.

So somebody sent you steaks.

That sounds like a good thing, but I

imagine to you it won't be.

It's a mistake.

I didn't order these.

Now I'm gonna have to get on the

phone and spend hours straightening this out.

No, you don't.

Yeah, you're right.

You do it.

No, I meant the steaks are yours.

They're from Mr. Owens, thanking you for taking

such good care of his wife.

Hey.

Huh?

Wow, a gift.

I feel so, uh...

Happy?

Touched.

Grateful?

Pretty?

Never mind.

Actually, I was gonna say hungry.

I mean, look at this.

Eight steaks.

I could have one a week for two

months or one a month for eight months

or, oh, you know what I could do?

I could have them all on my birthday.

Yeah.

Yeah, that'd be a very good day.

You know, if I was lucky enough to

get eight gourmet steaks, I'd throw a party.

Yeah, well, you weren't, so back off, Curly.

These are mine.

You know, Becker, these steaks do look pretty

good.

Why don't you share them?

Yeah, spread them out a little, Becker.

Hey, great idea.

We'll have a party.

Yeah!

No way I'm throwing a party.

Party?

What party?

At John's apartment.

That doesn't sound like a party.

There is no party.

Well, how about tomorrow night at 6?

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Didn't you just listen to what I said?

There's no party.

So 6 is no good?

No, actually, 6 is perfect.

I don't get off work until 7.

Fine, we'll make it 7.

Oh, great.

I'll bring the potatoes.

No, you don't need to bring...

I'll bring the dinner.

I'll bring the wine.

I'll bring the barbecue.

Oh, hold on a second.

Hey, hey, wait a minute.

What about me?

Oh, you're bringing the steaks.

That'll be plenty.

Hey, I didn't agree to this.

Well, you should have said something before they

all left.

Now it's too late.

But I don't want to have a party.

Don't worry.

I'll take care of everything.

Trust me, tomorrow night you'll be relaxing at

home, having a great steak dinner in the

company of good friends.

And you.

Besides, when you give of yourself to the

people around you, you get a lot in

return.

Trust me, it'll be worth it.

I am a doctor in a crappy neighborhood.

I give of myself all the time.

Good, then you know what I'm talking about.

See ya.

It won't move, Becker.

It's stuck.

I don't care if you rip its legs

off.

Just squeeze it out.

It's a good thing you didn't go into

obstetrics.

Don't just stand there.

Help me.

Ow!

Well, that's done.

Tell me again why we're not doing this

up at your place.

Well, because I just painted and the fumes

are horrible.

I hate parties.

That is because you have never been to

one of mine.

Once, in Austria, I was on a bus

that crashed into a snowbank.

Six people stranded.

All we had was a six-pack, a

chocolate bar, and a harmonica, and we still

had the best time of our lives.

Except for the guy we ate.

Hey, I'm so glad you could make it.

Thank you.

Hi, John.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Is your husband parking the car?

Louis, come here.

Oh, no, he and John don't have two

words to say to each other.

Oh, yes, we do.

Don't start.

Hey, I didn't bring it up.

Yes, she did.

In fact, it's because of Louis.

Don't say it.

I don't even eat veal piccata anymore.

It wasn't veal piccata.

All right, obviously, I brought up a sore

subject.

Yeah, and his name's Louis.

Damn you, John.

Come on, come on.

It's a party.

Let's just have some fun.

Thank God.

Jake, I am so glad to see you.

Good to be here.

And I'll tell you another reason why Louis

doesn't want to come here.

Any reason he's not here is good enough

for me.

Wait, Louis was invited?

I didn't know we could bring someone.

What about Amanda?

Who's Amanda?

The girl I live with.

Oh, well, Louis isn't coming, so why don't

you just call her and tell her to

come over?

Yeah, I'm sure she'll be real flattered.

Hi, honey.

Louis couldn't make it.

Why don't you come over and have his

leftover?

No, no, I didn't mean it like that.

Could you help me out here?

Uh, not really, no.

Hey, Reggie, Linda, welcome.

Hi, Cruz.

Thanks for putting this together.

Oh, pleasure.

I think it'll be a lot of fun.

Yeah, just do me a favor.

Don't mention Louis or Amanda.

There's a bit of a mix-up because

they're not here.

Wait a minute.

If I knew dates were invited, I could

have brought someone, and Reggie could have...

Well, I could have found someone for her.

Hey, I don't need anyone to find me

a date.

Do you really know someone?

Okay, the barbecue's all set up, the grill's

all clean, and we're ready to go.

Yay!

All right, where do you keep your charcoal?

On my nightstand next to my clock radio.

If I didn't have a barbecue, why would

I have charcoal?

Well, why did you tell me you don't

have charcoal?

Okay, okay, not a problem.

Bob, why don't you just go down to

the store and pick up some charcoal?

What, on my nightstand?

Don't worry, I'll make it up to you.

You might want to watch how you use

that expression around Bob.

I can't believe you invited Louis for steaks.

I thought he only ate veal piccata.

It wasn't veal piccata.

You know, for the record, I get asked

out a lot.

Good, because I can't think of anyone to

fix you up with.

Why did you say you knew someone?

Well, because I felt sorry for you.

I take it from him.

So the bus just ran into a snowbank.

Who do we eat first?

How do you get your hair to do

that?

I really don't do anything special.

Well, it shows.

Look, every party gets off to a slow

start.

Evolution got off to a slow start.

This party's dead.

This dip is great.

What's in it?

Oh, it's just onion soup and sour cream.

Onion soup and sour cream.

Wow, that sounds easy enough.

Good friends, good food, good conversation.

I would settle for any one of those.

Okay, all right, we just need an activity

to get things started.

I know the perfect party game, charades.

I would rather stick hot needles in my

eyes.

Sounds like fun, but let's try charades first.

Okay, Jake, she's got an egg beater and

she's holding it up to her eye.

That means it's a movie, Linda.

Die Hard, Terminator, Lethal Weapon, Bramble.

Oh, I know, Sophie's Choice.

Linda, you gotta let her give you more

clues.

See, I would have bet that the blind

guy would be the one having the problem

with this game.

You know, look, in all fairness, Jake is

a bit disadvantaged.

Hey, you're the one who put Linda on

my team.

What's that supposed to mean?

And by that, I mean I know exactly

what that's supposed to mean.

Okay, come on, come on, let's get back

to the game.

So it's really just soup and sour cream?

Yes.

Write it down.

Okay, okay, it's a movie, remember?

Jake, pass me the chips.

Now, how am I supposed to know where

the chips are?

Never mind, I'll just pick one off the

front of your sweater.

Is that canned soup or dry soup?

Oh, for God's sake, what is so difficult?

Well, I'm just trying to get it right.

Dry soup.

Thank you.

The whole packet?

Geez, who died?

A cow in vain.

Where the hell have you been?

It's kind of a funny story.

Yeah, which none of us want to hear.

Just fire up those coals.

Is everybody going to eat and get the

hell out of here?

That's right.

Relax, relax.

We should be eating in about 30, 35

minutes.

30, 35 minutes?

Relax.

In the meantime, you can all nosh off

Jake's sweater.

Oh, by the way, where do you keep

your lighter fluid?

If I had lighter fluid, don't you think

I would have set fire to myself by

now?

Okay, maybe we flew a little too close

to the sun with charades, but I've got

another game and it is called geography.

Yeah, let's all pick different places on the

map than go there.

No, no, no.

I name a state and then the next

person uses the last letter of that state

to name another state.

Like if I say Maryland, you use the

D and say...

Depression.

That's the state I'm in.

You know, if you don't want to play,

fine, just don't ruin it for everybody else.

Okay?

So let's try another one.

If I say New York...

New Jersey.

That's very good.

Let's see, New York ends with a K,

so you'd want to name a state that

starts with a K.

Like...

Like...

Hey, that's a trick question.

There are no states that start with a

K.

Except Kansas and Kentucky.

And Connecticut.

You know, I once played this game upside

down in a bus with people who didn't

even speak English and they did better than

you.

Sorry.

All right, let's just try another one.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

What?

She said New Jersey.

But you said Wyoming.

Wyoming doesn't start with a Y.

Well, it sounds like it should.

Well, it doesn't.

It starts with a W.

Well, then what starts with a Y?

Yeah, how about why did I ever let

you people in here?

How about why are you so rude?

Or why did we even come to this

party?

Or why was Margaret watching porn in the

office?

Bob, is dinner ready yet?

Either the steaks are done or we've elected

our new pope.

Hey, you can't rush it.

These are thick steaks.

It's not like we're making veal piccata.

It wasn't veal piccata.

Okay, I got another game.

Of course you do.

No, this is more of an interpersonal bonding

sort of thing.

It's called Secrets and Lies.

I've played it before and believe me, it

is a lot of fun.

It was just that one time and I

didn't want to.

I'm just trying to fit in.

I hate this game.

What's next?

A couple of rounds of drinks, somebody kills

themselves and we call it a night?

Leave me alone.

What is taking so long?

It's just fire and meat.

Oh, sure.

That recipe you remember.

Oh, you know, that's it.

What the hell's taking so long?

Hey, I'm cooking to order here.

I mean, you know, Linda wants medium, Reggie

wants rare, and Jake wants...

Wants to leave like everybody else.

Come on, let's just have another ten minutes.

Another ten minutes out of my life that

I'll never get back.

Oh!

That's too bad, Becca, that one was yours.

They're all mine, Bob.

Look what you made me do.

Me?

You're the one who knocked them over.

You're the one who put the platter above

my head when I stood up.

It's not my fault, it's yours.

Look, about the party.

You're still actually using that word to describe

what happened here?

I'm sorry.

Yeah, tell me something.

You know that good feeling I was supposed

to have, you know, where giving of myself

was supposed to all be worth it?

Did that happen because I think I missed

it?

I said I'm sorry.

Yeah, you know, you were wrong about everything.

Why didn't you listen to me?

Oh, sure.

Because it was important.

To whom?

To me.

Yeah, see, that's what I don't understand.

Why?

I don't know, I'll tell you.

About, uh, about a year ago I met

a guy and fell in love.

I gave up everything to move to Colorado

to be with him.

I was really happy.

And one day I came home and, uh...

Found him in bed with another woman.

Oh, no, worse.

Oh, geez.

A man?

No.

He was gone.

I took all my stuff with him.

I was crushed.

I just, uh, I wanted to get as

far away as possible.

So, um, so I came here, thought I

could make some new friends, start over.

And tonight was the first night since I

got here that I, uh, I didn't sit

alone in my apartment and cry.

Oh, geez.

Hey, uh, I'm sorry.

Here.

Thank you.

Hey, trust me, you know, it gets better.

When I first came to the Bronx I

felt exactly the way you do.

Well, look at me now.

I have all this, huh?

Makes it feel better.

Well, you know, if this party got you

out of your apartment I guess tonight was

all worth it.

What'd you say?

I said tonight was worth it.

Thank you.

That is all I wanted to hear.

What?

Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

You said it was worth it and that's

all I wanted you to say so goodnight.

Whoa, whoa, wait a second.

That, that was all a story?

What, what about Colorado?

Uh, ends in O.

That would be Oklahoma, Oregon, or Ohio.

Goodnight.