Original subtitles

Lisa! Wake up! - Wake up, Lisa!

Go away! - He came! Santa came!

There's so many presents! - Go away!

I know you're still in here.

Get out!

Always the first one up on Christmas morning.

It wasn't exactly my choice this year.

I told you that I was sorry about that.

Bill still sleeping? - Yeah.

Yeah, we went one more round before he finally crashed.

What happened?

He was outside waiting for me when I got home.

At 6 a.m.

You didn't know he was coming?

No.

He was worried about Mom.

And he was worried about me, worrying about Mom,

so he showed up.

'Cause he's him.

And I fucked it up, because I'm me.

Tree looks good.

You know, it looks like when we were kids and Santa came.

I need a hot chocolate, you want a hot chocolate?

Yes! Don't skimp on the marshmallows!

(bed rustling)

Merry Christmas. - Oh, how awful.

No, go back, go back to sleep.

No, I can't, I can't, Santa was here.

Umpf.

And he brought you something.

No, this isn't what I asked for.

I wanted an extra hour of sleep.

Open it.

One for each of the kids.

Marco...

You are my Christmas.

Every day.

And you are mine, but you didn't have to-

It wasn't me.

It was Santa.

I love Santa.

You're leaving?

I-I don't think I can deal with your parents.

No one can deal with my parents.

No, this isn't a joke, Lisa.

You know, you could of told me sooner

you told them about us.

I would of told you if I knew you were coming!

I was trying to do something nice.

And you did something nice.

But just because it didn't work out exactly

like you wanted it, you don't have to leave.

Ella!

I can't do this anymore!

And what about the kids?

The kids will be fine.

Tell them I went to the store!

They will open their presents, and they won't even notice.

Of course they will!

Ella, come on, it's Christmas! - Yes!

And I should be joyful!

But you took that from me. You ruined it!

You ruined everything. - I'm sorry.

I'm so, so sorry. It will never happen again.

I prom... Don't you dare

make another promise you won't keep!

I will keep it. I swear on the newborn baby Jesus.

I love you. I love you so much.

I would be nothing without you.

Why most you always be so exaggerated?

Who can I be but me?

What are you doing? - Making coffee.

This one's for you, Marco. It's got your name on it.

Marco?

Marco? What's wrong? - It's nothing.

I was just remembering one Christmas

when Dino and I were kids.

My love, if you're missing him

you should invite him here and-

Here? No way.

My parents go there, that's the way we do it.

Okay.

Did I just sound exactly like my dad?

A little. - How?

I spent my whole life trying not to be like him.

I don't wanna end up like him.

My love.

You can't help being like him, it's in your genes.

But you you will never end up like him.

You're you.

You're a great husband and a wonderful father.

And the sexiest man on the planet.

Right?

Absolutely. - Right?

Yeah, of course.

We’re in too deep... - Mm.

So you're sure you don't want a ride to the airport?

Yeah, yeah. I've got Linda in a blue Prius coming.

Bill? - Oh, Gia!

Oh, no way!

Oh my God... Mira?

Hi. - Holy cow.

Salvatore!

Hey, how you doing? Good to see you.

Are you kidding me? - Cesco!

Oh my god.

What, did you plan this? - No, this is all Bill.

Ah!

Why don't you go ahead and cancel that, all right?

So what are we doing standing here?

Come on, let's sit down.

You, big man, over there.

Oh... Guys! So good to see you guys. How we all doing?

Wait, wait, wait... Sophomore year?

Killing it! - Chop!

- I'm killing first grade. - Yeah!

This is better than Santa.

Cesco? - Oh wow, man.

Um...

I'm-yeah I’m good, I've been better, though.

I had to break up with my girlfriend recently.

So she's doing great.

- Oh my gosh, yeah. - I'm sorry to hear that, pal.

No, I uh, I got a lot of good songs out of it, so...

Well, uh... what are you waiting for?

I mean, come on. - Oh man, it's been so long.

I don't... He's really good at it.

I know. - Oh, okay, man...

It's called "Where I Wanna Be."

♪ Came from a lot heartbreaks ♪

Lisa! You need to come!

Your mother, she won't open her eyes!

Oh my god. - I'll call 9-1-1.

9-1-1? For what?

You just said Grandma's not opening her eyes.

Mom! Mom!

Mom!

What are you doing?

Dad said you wouldn't open your eyes.

What is the matter with you people?

Every time I shut my eyes you think I'm dead?

We were just worried about you.

Just let me sleep, okay?

Okay. - Okay.

Okay. - Sleep.

Seriously? You're psychotic.

Why is Bill here?

He's being a good husband, you should try it sometime.

Now he's a good husband.

Yesterday they were getting divorced.

Drink this. Want one? - No thanks.

Where's Tano? - Sleeping probably,

since no one woke him up.

Shut it baby, I already said I was sorry.

Sorry for what?

Right now? Existing.

You're an angel.

Well, not in this time zone.

I saw Tano. - He told me.

Did you know that he's still with Nisha?

What am I saying? Of course you do.

Why didn't you tell me?

Well back when we were in touch, they'd broken up.

They got back together.

So you're friends with her now?

Do you want me to lie? - [Sarah] Yes.

I hate her.

He saw Ellie.

I know.

And now, he's emailing saying, "We need to talk."

Sarah, take a deep breath.

Did you answer his email?

No. - Then don't.

Forget this ever happened.

Just have Christmas with your family, live your life.

This will pass.

How can it possibly pass?

Because it's Tano.

Right.

Exactly.

Ellie's good? - She's great.

And you? - I was fine...

Until yesterday. - Yesterday never happened.

I miss you.

I miss you, too, beauty.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

(end call button clicking.

Uh-uh, not yet.

You can look, but wait for your brother and sister.

Good morning. - Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. - Is that coffee?

Yeah. - You're too young for coffee.

Yeah, you're too young.

There was no hot chocolate left. They took it all.

Tano, come! We want to open the presents.

Yeah, T! Get in here before I kill someone!

Oh! What the hell kind of thing is this to say?

Is that the way to talk in front of your brothers?

♪ Lisa's in trouble, Lisa's in trouble ♪

♪ Lisa's in trouble ♪

Shut up, you little creeps. - Lisa!

Me? What about them?

You never care what they do, it is so unfair!

Well! This is a lovely way to start Christmas.

You're up. - Everyone's up.

They're all downstairs already.

We should get down there.

Aw, it's still early.

Come on, it's my first Christmas with your family.

I want to be there for the whole thing.

Well I have been there for all of them.

And trust me, you don't.

Tano!

Okay, okay, I'm getting up.

Hey! - What?

This is our first Christmas morning together.

Merry Christmas. - Mm... Merry Christmas!

Mm, mm, mm.

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

Let's go join the fun!

That other one? What was the other one's name?

Hey! Merry Christmas! - Tano!

Hey, look! Tano's here!

It's a Christmas miracle!

Merry Christmas! - Oh!

Merry Christmas.

You guys want coffee? - God, yes.

- Decaf for me, please. - Please, take my seat.

Hi. - Ah, okay!

Merry Christmas.

And where you going?

The kids want to open their presents.

Okay Dad, relax. - Relax, my ass.

It's 10:30, your mother and I go to lunch at Dino's at one.

Yeah, that's your problem. - My problem?

What the hell kind of thing is that to say?

Hey! (chuckling) No swearing on Christmas, Nonno.

Yeah, no swearing on Christmas.

I can tell it's Christmas, everyone's fighting.

You're up? - Yes, I'm up.

When have I ever not been up on Christmas?

Is that Bill? - Yes! He surprised us.

Isn't it great? - I don't know, is it?

Merry Christmas, Ella.

We will talk later.

And Nisha's here.

Nisha was here last night, Mom.

Yeah, she sat right next to you at the table, remember?

Of course I remember. I just forgot.

Ella, this is Mira, my daughter.

Mom, she met me last night.

This is your daughter? She looks nothing like you!

Mom! - Cappuccino?

Oh, please. Thank you, sweetheart.

One Christmas cappuccino coming right up.

Hey, we need to open the presents.

Presents! Presents! You sound like a child.

It's the one you wanted. Do you like it?

Yeah. I'm gonna make one today.

After church.

In the basement. No getting wax on the carpets.

And you, Tano, do you like your gift?

Yeah, not sure I'll really use them, though.

What do you mean? You drive.

Yeah, Mom's station wagon.

Not exactly a driving gloves car.

You're right.

Here, give them back and take this.

No, no, it's fine. I'll save them.

Take it! - Open it.

Okay, geez.

What is this?

Ah! It's the wrong side, turn it!

You folded it backwards?

For god's sake, Aldo, I asked you to do one thing.

This car? You got me this car?

It delivers next week. Merry Christmas.

And, happy early birthday.

Oh my god! Oh my god! Thank you!

Thank you, thank you!

He got a car? - Yes.

And when you're his age... I won't get one.

Just like I didn't get 10 presents when I was their age.

The boys in this family get everything.

Even though girls are the same as boys now

in the whole rest of the world.

What happened? - Oh god, dear god?

What did you do? What did you do?

Nothing. - Where? Is it your arm?

Let me see. - I didn't mean it.

Get some ice. - What ice?

We're taking him to the hospital.

Aldo? - Dad, we're in our pajamas.

Who gives a damn?

Get the coats and the keys!

Goddamn it! - Sorry!

It's okay, you didn't mean it.

He did, he did mean it.

I didn't!

Ah! It's Dino. Eh.

Merry Christmas!

Yeah?

Oh okay, yeah, oh. One o'clock, okay, yeah.

Talk to Tano.

Hey, Dino. - What's wrong?

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Well, why did you give the phone to Tano?

They want to know what we want for lunch.

How the hell do I know?

What you want? He's taking requests now?

No, no, no.

They're ordering from the Chinese place we like.

Chinese food on Christmas? Did they convert or something?

Cesco, that's racist.

No, it's not.

It's a tradition that started

in Manhattan 100 years ago, actually.

And if I meant it as a slur, which I didn't,

it would be antisemitic, not racist,

you Instagram-obsessed blind liberal.

Okay, all set.

So, was it pineapple chicken or beef and pea pods?

Both, actually. - Great.

We eat leftovers tomorrow.

Awesome! We'll feast on seafood risotto,

and you and Mom can eat congealed Chinese food.

All right. We're done with the presents.

Time to make lunch. - Wait!

There's still one left to open.

Oh? - Is it for me?

Sweetheart...

What, what could you possibly still want?

I don't know... Something?

Nisha is here with us for the first time.

So...

I wanted to make it memorable.

Ella! Ella! - Oh my god!

Ella! - My god!

Call an ambulance! - Get Mom!

Screw the ambulance. I'll get my keys, I'll take her.

Marco, come get Mom.

Dad, get out of the way. - Holy Mother.

Holy Mother Mary...

Nice and easy. You guys, go find my purse.

♪ I need what I don't need ♪

♪ I need what I want ♪

I'll call you when we get there.

Love you guys.

♪ I need to be feeling something other than numb ♪

♪ I need to come over ♪

♪ I need to be held ♪

♪ I need an explosion ♪

♪ To break this goddamn spell ♪

♪ I need, I need, I need, I need, I need ♪

♪ Something better than this ♪

♪ Something better than this ♪

You will be okay.

♪ Something better than this ♪

I’m sorry.

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Something better than this ♪

She'll be okay.

♪ Something better than this ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I need a companion ♪

♪ Take me out of my head ♪

♪ I wanna feel my body laying next to you ♪

♪ In my bed ♪

♪ I need a distraction ♪

♪ I need an escape ♪

♪ I need it now ♪

♪ Right now, I don't think I can wait ♪

♪ I need, I need, I need, I need, I need ♪

♪ Something better than this ♪

♪ Something better than this ♪

♪ Something better than this ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Something better than this ♪

♪ Something better than this ♪

♪ Something better than this ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪