Original subtitles

Man, the heat is killing me.

Yes, I know what you mean.

Let's call it a day and go for a swim.

Yeah. Hi, Mr. Brewer. What do you think of the idea, huh? Hello, Mary. Go

swimming? You're out of your mind? The beaches are so crowded, not even the

sardines have enough room.

Not to mention the garbage.

Good afternoon, Mr. Brewer.

Hello, Jim.

Hi. I don't mind a meeting, but why the hell on a day like this? Well, you see,

it's like this.

The publishers have decided our readers have had enough of our porno reports.

Next week is the last article.

So the question now is, where do we go from here?

Of course, they give you credit for the recent increase in our circulation.

Where's the bonus? Only they think it's time we offered our readers a fresh look

at the subject of sex from a completely different angle. And someone mentioned

the recent lawsuit concerning that 15-year-old girl.

The young man in the lawsuit was several years older. However, he hadn't had much

sexual experience. So, before you know it, there she was giving the fellow

lessons. I thought it was a good subject.

Men who are victimized by young girls.

Anyhow... After the publishers heard me out, they gave me the green light.

And so we're doing a report on young seducers. We could begin with a story I

heard not long ago. There was this young man and a very attractive teenager.

Thank you.

Can she make a mountain out of a molehill?

It was so hot today I decided to cut classes. I'm going to college.

You look awfully young for a college girl. I've always looked younger than my

real age.

What's your major?

Foreign languages.

German and French.

Oh, French.

That's a nice tongue.

How come you're on the beach in the middle of the week?

You're a beachcomber? I'm a painter. Oh, a poor starving artist, huh?

No, my folks are rich. Oh, you live here with your parents?

I live alone, in a little studio. Here to take a look at it? I'd love to.

But I warn you, you're taking a chance.

Didn't your mother ever tell you how dangerous it was to take little girls

you don't know up to your room?

Yeah, but you're not that little. Okay, vampire, get into my Cadillac and sink

your teeth into my neck.

I can't wait.

was putting a new twist on an old proverb.

If you want a horse to drink, you've got to lead him to the water.

This bright little girl was invited to see his studio, but of course she was

also dying to see his etchings, or whatever you want to call them.

Well, here we are, but I'm afraid we'll have to climb five flights up to Mount

Olympus. They say no sacrifice is too great for the sake of art.

Rosemary's strategy was working out beautifully.

Little did he suspect that he was the fly and not the spider.

Her only worry was that he might be too exhausted after climbing five flights.

Well, we made it. Yeah.

Hey, what's the name of that one?

Study of a Woman in Dual Perplexity.

Uh-huh. And what's that one?

My Psyche in a State of Bonded Emancipation. How interesting.

Not even Picasso has nicer titles.

That one's sexy. The inborn instinct of a male in a search for consummation. The

inborn instinct. I can see it.

Of course, not everybody understands it. Ah, of course.

Don't you ever paint women?

No, in my opinion, a subject is unproductive and completely exhausted.

Maybe it's simply that you don't care for girls too much.

Wow, isn't the view from up here fantastic?

Women don't hold any secrets from me. Oh, maybe you haven't met women who have

enough to offer.

I have an idea.

Why don't you try painting a portrait of me? I'll be your model.

I don't think so. Oh, give it a try, huh?

How's this?

Well, all right, but I'm warning you. You're in for a big surprise.

So are you.

I'm going to get in the mood.

Okay. I just hope it's worth all the trouble.

Is that as far as you're going?

Oh, topless.

Whatever you say.

There. You like?

You look like the kind of a man a girl could trust.

I have a secret or two for you.

Yeah?

What secret?

Now, don't tell me you're going to go bottomless, too.

Yeah, I think I'll start by showing you some of my secrets.

Something tells me I'm not going to get very far with this painting.

What did you say?

I just said I think I'm going to enjoy painting you.

Why, Granny, what big eyes you have.

You're drooling.

Paint Damn I lost my train of thought I Can't concentrate

anymore It's too hot in here It sure is

Yeah.

Not bad for a guy who doesn't like to paint women.

You've just got to get to know them a little better.

Come closer.

Yes.

You know all you need to know.

Well, getting back to the point of the story, Rosemary didn't learn that at any

college. As a matter of fact, she'd never been to college. She was too

young. But she wasn't too young to teach the young man a lesson he'd never

forget. And if she does attend college someday, well, you've seen for yourself

what admirable qualities she has.

And if she majors in foreign tongues, there's no doubt she's going to be very

popular.

Incidentally, he finally did paint her.

And the curious part of it is that the picture brought the recognition he'd

been hoping for.

So, you see, everything has its brighter side.

Rosemary, of course, was advanced for a girl her age. She looked much older, yet

she was just 16.

A couple of weeks ago, I read about a girl who worked at a service station.

Well, maybe it shouldn't be called work. In any case, she was offered to regular

customers. They could have sex with her on the house. The owner of the service

station was smart.

Instead of giving presents or discounts, men could have quick sex.

Imagine, you buy gasoline and get a pretty girl. At least you must admit the

idea was good.

Look at all the junk they offer you nowadays.

How many car and airplane models can you collect?

And who wants to save coins or pictures of animals or whatever it is they think

up to make you want to buy their gasoline?

There's no way of making the gasoline itself more appealing.

A collection of coat of arms might appeal to some kid, but what can you

offer a grown-up?

Anyway, the owner of the service station didn't regret the setup for a long time.

Word got around, and business boomed.

Hey, Charlie.

Yes, sir. How much?

$27.75, sir.

Here, keep the change.

Thank you, sir.

Service satisfactory?

Man, you can say that again.

Call again, sir.

You bet.

Bye.

Harry, zoom the next one up. Coming up, boss.

Good afternoon, sir.

Afternoon. Same as always? Fill her up? Yep.

Take your time with it today.

Check the battery and air pressure, okay?

I understand, sir. You might as well change the oil while you're at it. I did

that yesterday.

Don't do it again.

Anything you say.

Angela.

Angela. Angela.

What are you here again?

I certainly am.

You know, you're amazing.

Where the hell do you get all the energy from?

I couldn't wait to get here today.

Remember, you promised to do it the French way.

Oh, yeah.

Promise is a promise. I mean, I know you don't usually do that, but we've been

together so often now, it's not as if I were a stranger or anything, right?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, don't be that way, Angela.

Angela. My Angela. You can't imagine how fond of you I am.

Sweetheart.

Darling.

You undressed yet?

We're wasting valuable time, you know.

Sweetie pie.

Take off your shorts.

Let's cut out the talk and get down to business.

That's it.

And keep your undershirt on.

Okay, here I come.

Your skin is so smooth.

You're wonderful.

Bye.

Thank you.

Bye Angela.

See you tomorrow.

What's the bill it makes an even 40? Yes. Thank you, sir Call again, sir. I

sure will See you tomorrow anytime

Harry

send the next one up coming up boss Good afternoon, sir. Good afternoon

What do you need?

Fill her up and check my oil right away, sir

Well,

it couldn't go on like that forever.

It was simply too good to laugh.

Somebody gave it all away. The fighter was jailed.

This story, that might fit into the theme of young girls who go around

seducing grown-up men, began of all places in a tub.

Thank you.

Now, who could I blow up a storm with?

I wonder how our dear old chemistry teacher would react to a private call

from me.

Yes? Hello?

This is Helen Klein.

Well, what is it?

Well, I wanted... I, uh... Now, something must be wrong if you call me

in the middle of the night like this. I'm all alone in the house, and... Now,

listen here, Helen. You're not a baby anymore. Don't try to tell me you're

afraid of being alone.

Oh, never. I simply want to say a final goodbye.

Goodbye? But, uh, I've had enough of this, Helen. Good night.

Oh, but I've decided to end it all.

So it's goodbye.

What?

Yes, my number's up. Now listen here. I don't have anything to live for.

You've always been an excellent student and very intelligent. What's the meaning

of this absurd talk?

What I'm telling you is true.

I won't be alive tomorrow.

I've had it. If the overdose of sleeping pills doesn't do it, I'll jump out of

the window.

What? Oh, forget it. It's too late to do anything about it.

About what?

I've put the pills in water to dissolve.

We'd better talk the matter over, Helen. Now listen, get some sleep.

Tomorrow... There won't be a tomorrow. Nonsense. Tomorrow we'll go over in

detail whatever's troubling you now.

A girl as beautiful and intelligent as you are masters all our problems.

You don't understand.

And I feel positive you'll think differently after our talk.

I'll be there in five minutes flat.

Can I offer you anything?

A Coke?

Yes, sir.

With ice?

Yes. Okay.

Would you please tell me what's got into you?

It's simple.

I'm in love with you.

Come here.

Let me show you how much.

So that was it. If this is a joke, I don't think anyone is going to find it

very amusing. I'm going to report it to the school.

I've had enough of this business. Now go back home.

This is a fabulous bed.

I can't wait to tell all the girls what a man our chemistry teacher can be.

That... Chandelier is very easy to describe.

So they'll be willing to believe everything.

That it was your idea to invite me up here and seducing me was why you made me

come.

Get out.

You have no alternative.

This is blackmail.

Don't touch me.

Get out of my face and into your thing.

Get out of here before I forget myself.

Will you let go of me?

That was your own fault.

And everybody believed the little tramp.

This was what she claimed.

She was desperate when she finally learned what the teacher wanted.

She bit and scratched so that he sent her away without harming her.

Her girlfriend brought the truth to light later on. Teachers are always in

danger of becoming the object of a conspiracy if they don't keep a strong

hold on themselves.

I heard the story of a piano teacher the other day that's terrific.

It will show you what sweet innocent girls are capable of.

Now play the last part once more, Susan. Mm-hmm.

Very good.

Fine. And now come say to you what you were supposed to practice for today.

But didn't you practice?

Of course I did.

All right.

Susan, for heaven's sake.

This photograph, where did you get it? Why don't you think it's nice? I brought

it along especially to give it to you as a present.

As a present for me? Because I think you're such a wonderful teacher and I

wanted to ask you to make me a present of a picture of you like that.

A photograph in the nude?

Don't have any.

But where could I have some taken?

I made mine all by myself with my Polaroid camera.

I could make some of you if you like. I have my camera and a flash there in my

briefcase.

But I'm not as well proportioned as you are, Susan.

I think your body's very beautiful.

on the other one.

Please

look

the other way.

Susan, take off your thing.

Thank you.

Susan, darling.

Come closer.

Please. Please.

I'm not coming anymore.

Write my parents, telling them you refuse to give me piano lessons.

But there's no reason I should, Susan.

Maybe not for you, but I have a boyfriend. And instead of you giving me

lessons, from now on I intend to make it with him. Have I made myself clear?

Quite.

It's amazing, the ingenuity of a teenage girl.

I remember the tale about a well-developed 15-year-old girl. A very

fascinating story.

I'm sure you won't hear anything like it ever again.

It's a real knockout.

Hello, boys and girls. Today I want to tell you the story of the princess and

the pea.

Once upon a time, there was a princess.

Her father, the king, was a real sugar daddy.

He gave her all the lollipops she wanted, and she loved to suck lollipops.

But the princess was still unhappy.

You see, she had one obsession. She adored sitting on peas.

He gave her all the peas she wanted. Ah, but alas, she longed for just one

tremendous pea to sit on. So she would secretly travel throughout the

countryside in a coach in search of a handsome prince with a real big pea.

Well, one fine morning, a fearless prince traveling in her direction saw

her and fell in love with her immediately.

But she didn't notice.

She was daydreaming about a big pea.

Then she sensed his stare, and she smiled at him shyly. He returned her

smile and thought, Is my fate sealed?

However, she had but one thought.

Does he have a big pea?

She had to do something to find out.

She knew the prince would come to her aid if she were in distress, so she

decided to try opening the window of the coach.

She tried and tried and finally looked at him in despair.

He saw her rosy cheeks and hastened to her aid. The good prince couldn't wait

to please the lovely maiden. She seized the opportunity and asked, Have you got

a big pea?

You bet I do. Then do sit down next to me.

Your wish is my command.

They traveled side by side for a while, both yet too shy to speak.

But finally she asked him about his pea. And if it was a great big pea, could she

sit on it? Well, the handsome prince agreed, and he gave it to her. The

princess sat relishing the large size of his pea. The coach rocked, but she

remained firmly on the pea.

Yet somewhere deep inside of her she knew that although it was truly large,

she longed for far mightier ones.

Her eyes strayed. Where would she find a pea big enough to satisfy her desire?

She could not disappoint this handsome prince who had so willingly given her

his pea.

How could she tell him it would never do?

The prince, however, loved the princess.

He was enraptured by her sitting on his large pea.

For all he cared, she could sit on it forever if she so desired.

But he could not control himself much longer. He knew his love could not be

contained. So he opened up and his love gushed forward.

She, however, returned the pea back to him.

She could never become his mistress, she said. She must continue her search for

the largest pea.

The princess decided to take another route, but the prince, whose thirst for

her was not quenched, followed her.

She looked back at him nostalgically.

After all, his pee was really big.

I'd like a girl who's hard to get.

Well, you've got me. What now?

Let's take a walk.

What? Last one to the stream is an ad.

Come back here.

Come here.

Now I've got you.

Oh, what a man.

And they loved happily ever after.

There's a marvelous story I could add to the series.

It concerns a football player and a young girl.

He comes from Denmark.

Oh, but I warn you, if he sues us, it wouldn't be surprising.

That's nothing to worry about. All or any similarity to living or deceased

persons is pure coincidence.

Okay.

Suppose we call him Larson.

Larson decides to go to an electrical appliance store since he wants to buy a

new hi-fi unit.

That's that Danish football player. Don't tell me you haven't met him. He

lives in your house.

The simplest operation.

It's very easy. And yet it's the best technical equipment on the market today.

Simply do like that. It's a matter of a second. And music, the likes of which

you've never heard before, will encompass you. Like that?

That's it.

You just have to know how it's done.

It's only important to know what button you have to push.

Could I get a word in?

Yes, please.

Thanks. Please excuse me if I take up your time. But a battery is all I want.

All right.

Thanks. Thanks, Larson.

Oh.

It needs a new battery.

Yes, but... But the battery's still working.

As far as I can see, it's still functioning.

Oh, but I've been using it an awful lot. And I don't want it to stop working in

the middle of things.

I mean in the middle of a massage. You're right. It won't work forever.

Right.

Well... I'll fix it for you. Thanks.

When are you going back to Denmark, Larson?

Next week. There.

That should do it. It's too thick.

Right. That one's for grown-ups.

This one's for the little ones.

It'll fit.

Uh-huh.

Here

you

are. Thank you. How much?

All it costs is 125.

Great. Thank you. Bye. Have fun.

That's life. Practice makes perfect.

Yes. Well, now, this battery, I mean this record player.

Who the hell could that be?

Take him out.

I'm coming. Can't even work out in peace.

Yes, please. Hello, Larson. I just wanted to ask you about the record

player you bought today.

I'm going to buy a new one myself.

I adore music.

It's my favorite pastime.

That and physical culture.

Well, now, you saw it yourself.

Remember this morning?

Yes, now I remember.

Come on in a moment.

I'd love to.

That salesman was a real square. I haven't seen anyone blush that much in

years. Who knows? Maybe he just had a bad conscience.

Today's businessman.

Well?

What kind of music would you like to hear?

Oh, I'll leave that to you.

All right.

You can't imagine what some kids are capable of. Last week a girl called here

because she wanted my autograph.

I said, okay.

She came up.

And the minute I faced the other way, she took off all her things.

Know what she wanted? She wanted to dance for me. So I put on a record of

Salome. We'll see, you sexy slut.

Yeah, boy, yeah.

The minute I saw you, I thought, so near and yet so far. Why not make friends?

Mind if I take this off?

No, go right ahead.

With biceps like that, I bet you're as strong as a horse.

I'm as strong as a horse in every respect.

Seeing is believing.

Come here.

Larson, could I ride on you? Okay, my little horsewoman. Down, boy.

Giddy up.

Oh.

Like that, huh?

Yeah.

And the wild beast, I'm going to throw you.

You are a wild one, aren't you?

Yes, I am.

And I'm about to tame you.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You won't be able to walk after this first lesson.

Seeing is believing.

Well, you asked for it.

I'm starting to get nervous.

Yeah.

Starting to get excited.

Stay here my beautiful stallion.

Now it's your turn to ride me.

Yes, ma'am.

After sports, let's turn to the theater.

Here comes Romeo.

No matter.

Get thee gone. I'll be with thee straight.

Well, Juliet, I will lie with thee tonight.

Let's see for means.

O mischief, thou art swift to enter in the thoughts of desperate men.

I do remember an apothecary, and hereabout her dwells.

which late I noted in tattered weeds with overwhelming brows, calling of

samples.

Meager were his looks, sharp misery had worn him to the bones, and in his needy

shop a tortoise hung, an alligator stuffed, and other skins of ill-shaped

fishes. And about the shelves a beggarly account of empty boxes, green earthen

pots, bladders, and musty seeds.

Remnants of packed thread were thinly scattered.

The showers at that hick stand were even worse than the hams. So after that

afternoon performance for schoolgirls, Romeo preferred a bath at home.

God damn it, wait a minute.

I'm in that fucking bathtub.

Oh. Excuse me, could you give me your autograph, please?

Be very glad to.

Forgive this get-up. I was taking a bath.

What's your name?

I'm Christine.

I loved you as Romeo.

Well, that's a lovely name.

Pretty as Juliet.

I wrote you something by... You like me?

Well, yes.

I mean, ain't you a little bit too young for this sort of thing?

I bet you ain't even 14.

Yes, but that was centuries ago.

Yes, but...

I held on to ring the doorbell.

Oh, and I always thought you were nice.

Well, I'll be right back with the police, won't you?

And because of her, it was a real scandal. Let me tell you the funny story

of a brat who seduced an English student before he had any inkling of what was

happening.

Falling in love again.

Never wanted to.

Man, he gives me goose pimples. He goes to college, but he doesn't seem

interested in the facts of life. What a dope.

Peters. Home already?

Have a nice day?

Yeah, I suppose so.

You're a busy little bee, aren't you?

Have to be. Mama doesn't give me any pocket money if I'm not.

Well, don't work too hard. Money's the root of all evil. I can think of things

more evil than money, Mr. Peters. I'd like to discuss them with you sometime.

You'd be surprised.

What the hell is she talking about?

Screwy creature.

I wonder if Junior caught the hint.

Well, he who hesitates is lost.

I think I'll push my luck.

Come in.

It's me.

Ellen.

Well?

What's the matter?

I'd like to have that discussion now.

Ellen, if you're thinking what I'm thinking, then stop thinking it.

And besides, I have a lot of theories I want to put into practice.

You're playing with fire.

You're much too young.

How's this?

Bet I could teach you a thing or two.

My precious, if anybody found out, I'd be locked up. And I hate prisons inside

or out.

Okay, go beat it.

Hmm. Is there something wrong with you? Don't you like women?

Visit a good psychiatrist.

A book on sex might do the trick.

Maybe one like the Kinsey Report.

Ain't you got no feelings?

I like you.

I'll cut that out, Ellen.

Why?

If you don't take the initiative, I will.

Now, listen, Ellen, I study law. You're underage. I'm not. I've got more to lose

than my virginity.

I've nothing to lose.

I see, but... Nevertheless, I... Just because you're a couple years older than

I am, you're afraid. No, no, that's not it at all. It's just that... It's just

that I'm not in the mood.

You're panic-stricken.

All right, you little bitch. You win.

I'd like to tell you the story of a girl who was mad about hitchhiking.

Close the door.

I don't want to lose you along the way.

This is a comfortable way to get to school in the morning, isn't it?

That depends on the car and the driver.

Satisfied today?

Suppose I answer that one a little later. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Oh, what time do your classes start?

In about an hour.

In an hour?

Look at that weather. What do you say we stop somewhere and take a walk in the

woods? Why not? As long as you get me to school on time. I'd hate to play hooky

again. I'll get you there.

Just because I saw the ride doesn't mean I like all the drivers. Well, what about

me? I think you're nice.

I just love convertibles. Better than schools, eh?

Okay. Okay.

this sportsman again.

Hey, you guys, come over here. Come on, hurry up.

Look.

Are they going to like us when they find out we're watching?

Not bad.

He's getting speed.

I wonder who's going to reach the finish line first.

Yeah, looks like they're at the stretch.

After so much sports, why don't we make a night of it? Well, I've got the time.

You got the money?

I've got some.

I've got the money. You got the girls? No trouble there. That's what you always

say. I know when he's enough for the four of us.

Movies go on.

Where have you been keeping her? I see.

You'll have to provide appropriate music.

I'll bring the liquor. Yeah, the lady likes him stiff. Here's the drink.

I bet she's not going to come.

Wait and see. Maybe she will. Yeah. Boy, oh, boy.

Spiders, here comes our fly.

What's she look like?

A knockout. You ugly bastard. You haven't had a girl for so long, you'd

say Frankenstein's daughter was a knockout. He wasn't kidding.

Boobies galore.

Here's a bar.

That's a new one.

Well, this is Judy.

Come on, say hello, boys. Hiya, baby. Hi.

Would you like a drink?

Uh,

a scotch. One scat's coming up. I'll make a double.

Pardon the beardless. Here you are.

Thanks, Big Spender. You're welcome. To your health.

Gentlemen. Cheers.

Cheers. Cheers.

Look at the way she gulps that down.

Judy does everything wholeheartedly.

Everything? Wow.

Not bad.

Well, what now?

Didn't anyone think of bringing music with a beat?

I'm not going to dance to that.

Some beat?

Coming up, ma'am.

Anything to please the little lady.

That, yeah.

Yeah, Judy, dance for them like you dance for me. Yeah, please, Judy. Dance

for us. Well, if you insist.

Give it your beauty.

Man, she really turns me on. She's everything I told you, isn't she?

That remains to be seen. You promised us more. Be patient, my boy. Good time.

Hey, Judy, take him off.

Jeez.

Man, what did I tell you?

Ain't those hot pants too hot?

Take them off, man. Yeah.

Man, it's getting hot in here. You feel it too?

All right, shut up.

Woo-hoo!

I've had it. That was great. You were sensational. Very good. Follow me. Sense

couldn't have been better.

In the Middle Ages, they would have burned a witch like that. I would have

jumped into the flames to save her.

And now you pay for your supper.

Well,

who's first?

Come on, you.

Thank you.

Oh.

Tell me, weren't you an active sportsman until just a few months back?

Which reminds me, weren't you on the legitimate stage before you came here?

Well, I admit I used to be a schoolteacher. As for me, I've never

owned a service station. No, you were a customer. No, no, gentlemen, please,

please.

Don't tell me our Mary was a piano teacher.

And weren't you once a painter?

Yeah, how did you know?

Yes? I found some records in the archives that'll interest you.

Thanks, I'll be right out.

I'll be right back. Stick around.

Okay.

Aber Frau Lutz, haben Sie noch nicht begriffen, dass unser neuer Report

Blutjunge Verführerin heißt?

Der Report über die Hausfrauen läuft in der nächsten Nummer aus.