Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) No, thanks.

I'm still working on my eggs.

Right, no problem.

Hi there.

Would you mind if I handed out some

flyers?

Well, as long as they're not for the

diner down the street.

Oh, their free breakfast was really great.

No, this is for the Fresh Earth Project.

We're sponsoring a rally about global warming.

Ah, do you think you could help us

get more heat in the men's room?

I'll bring that up at the rally.

It's Thursday night.

Well, out with the old and in with

the new.

More coffee, Reg?

The Fresh Earth Project?

Aren't those the idiots trying to save Wales?

What the hell are they saving Wales from,

Ireland?

Well, thanks a lot.

Hope to see you at the rally.

Oh.

My.

God.

Just came for a cigarette.

Pretend I'm not here.

I can do that.

Hi there.

I'm from the Fresh Earth Project, and we're

sponsoring a rally about global warming.

Fresh Earth?

What the hell are you doing in the

Bronx?

Well, sir, we...

I know, I know, I know.

You're trying to save the planet.

Trust me, there's nothing left worth saving.

Don't tell me that I'm polluting the environment.

This is just tobacco and chemicals straight from

God's green earth.

That okay with you, Birkenstock?

I'm sorry about him.

He just woke up on the wrong side

of his ashtray.

About 30 years ago.

Well, it takes all kinds.

Unfortunately.

Hope to see you at the rally.

Excuse me.

Hi.

I'm Bob.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Connie.

You know, the environment really is in a

lot of trouble.

We all need to conserve energy.

Hey, Bob's all about conserving energy.

It's true.

Once he sits down, he barely moves.

Well, nice meeting you.

Wow.

She takes my breath away.

If only.

I'm surprised you're interested in a woman like

that, Bob.

Why?

Because she's smart, interesting and dedicated to a

cause?

No, because she could pick you up over

her head and spike you like a football.

Yeah, she could, couldn't she?

Margaret, I looked and I can't find my

bracelet anywhere.

Where did you have it last?

If I knew where I had it last,

I'd go there and get it.

That bracelet had a lot of sentimental value.

Gil stole it for me on our second

anniversary.

I'm sure it'll turn up eventually.

Not if someone took it.

What kind of person would steal something from

someone who got it from someone who loved

them enough to steal it for them in

the first place?

You know what scares me?

I understood exactly what you just said.

Excuse me, I'm Helen Willeke.

I called earlier about getting my father in

to see Dr. Becker.

Oh, right.

Dr. Lisandro faxed over his records.

Hi, I'm Linda.

My father isn't able to speak.

He has ALS.

You know Lou Gehrig's disease?

What happened?

Did they share a can of soda or

something?

No, you see, could you just tell the

doctor we're here?

Sure.

Mr. Willeke, you can go on back to

room one.

It's down the hall and to the left.

If you need anything, holler.

Oh, right.

And I'll need you to fill out his

paperwork.

You know, Margaret, I had a thought.

Prove it.

I think that one of the patients stole

my bracelet.

Oh, Linda, I don't think that anyone...

Like her.

Hey, you've been here all morning.

My gold bracelet was stolen.

Now, I'm not accusing you, but if it

should happen to appear on this desk, I

promise there'll be no questions asked.

You done?

Yes.

Good.

Sister Theresa, if you follow me back, we

can take those X-rays now.

Smooth.

Yeah, like my bracelet wouldn't go great with

that big gold cross.

I see you were diagnosed eight months ago.

The other doctor tell you exactly how serious

this disease is?

Yeah, the trouble with ALS is you never

can tell exactly how fast it's gonna progress.

Let me ask you something.

How long ago did you start to lose

the ability to speak?

One, uh, one month?

Long?

Uh, one year?

Two years?

Uh, I'm sorry, I'm not very good at

this.

Uh, one year, less than two years.

Less than two years, but more...

A little more than a year.

A little more than a year.

I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted.

And you, you gotta go through this, what,

a hundred times a day?

Yeah, don't start.

Hey, do you know how to type?

Yeah, I had a patient that had a

stroke and he had this machine that talked

for him.

Whatever he typed into it, it would say.

No, you're right, it's very expensive, but the

insurance should cover that.

Yeah, you're right, they are cheap bastards, but

you know what?

Let me, uh, let me handle this for

you.

I have a way with people.

Linda!

Uh, I'm much better on the phone.

Reg, coffee to go, please.

Wow, nice big cell phone.

Having a conversation with the 80s?

Yeah, I've been on hold for the last

45 minutes in that damn insurance company.

I think I'm gonna hang up, but I

will never hang up.

Are you still trying to get that guy

that talking computer thing?

Oh, yeah, right, that is how this started.

You know what?

Let me have your telephone, will you, please?

Watch this.

I'm about to beat the system.

Oh, no.

Oh, God, not the system again.

Yeah, this is Dr. John Becker for Mr.

Saunders.

Yes, I know I'm holding on the other

line, and I know you think I'm gonna

hang up, but I will never hang up.

I will stay on hold until I die.

What'd they say?

Said that that was their plan.

Well, it's not gonna work.

They don't know how little I have to

live for.

Oh, my God, Bob put on a tie.

What's going on, Bob?

Nothing.

Can a guy get dressed up for no

reason?

Hey, Bob, thanks for offering to hand out

these flyers.

Oh.

Hi, Connie.

You look nice.

And you smell great.

Real natural.

And by that, I don't mean Frenchwoman armpit

natural.

Thank you.

That was Bob making his move.

I sure hope he's got more than one.

So, I'll see you tonight at the rally?

Hey, anytime Bob gets to learn about the

environment and charge his electric car, he's there.

You don't have an electric car.

Well, not a big one that you drive

around.

You're tall, smart, good-looking, yet nobody gets

you.

That's so true.

That's so sad.

This is called a light rider.

It's a very sophisticated piece of medical equipment.

Oh, look what I can make it do.

Wow, that looks fancy.

Yeah.

And expensive.

Expensive enough that maybe you paid for it

by, oh, I don't know, ponding a gold

bracelet.

My fault.

I started the conversation.

What do you want?

Oh, right.

Mr. Willoughby's here to see you.

Oh.

Hey.

How are you?

Come on in.

Have a seat there.

Yeah.

Anywhere is good.

Well, here it is.

Huh?

Yeah.

Now you can have a conversation.

You can go to the store by yourself.

You can even talk on the phone.

And look at this.

This button right here is like a doorbell.

You use it to get people's attention.

Go ahead.

Try it out, Mr. Willoughby.

Call me Joe.

Great.

Joe it is.

It's all yours.

Yeah, you're welcome.

You're welcome.

You're tall, smart, good-looking, yet nobody gets

you.

My assistant must have been playing around with

that.

Oh, John, I have Mr. Willoughby's paperwork.

Oh, great.

Uh, sign right here and I'll have you

on your way.

Shoot, I thought I...

Margaret, is that my gold pen?

Oh, right.

You left it in the exam room.

I must have picked it up by accident.

By accident.

Interesting.

Good luck with it, Joe.

See you.

I tell you, Margaret, sometimes I just love

my job.

I mean, it'd be gratifying enough to give

a man his voice back, but a sweet

man like that...

Hey, lady, move your big fat butt.

You get dressed this morning.

India?

For your information, it's a hemp and wild

cotton weave.

Completely natural.

As opposed to the petroleum-based garments you

usually wear?

Exactly.

Reg, let me get a tofu burger on

whole-grain, unbleached bread with a glass of

guava nectar.

Yuh-huh.

What is with you, Bob?

Hey, Connie's opened my eyes to a whole

new world.

I no longer eat meat, wear leather, or

shave my legs.

What?

I swim competitively.

So have you asked her out yet?

Hey, I'm gonna ask her out.

I'm just waiting for the right time.

Come on, Bob, be a man.

You know, get yourself a stepstool and ask

the woman out.

Here you go, two rare bacon cheeseburgers.

You're gonna eat that?

Connie says there's more bacteria in a burger

than there is in a subway turnstile.

Connie says that sometimes the beef industry neglects

cattle so they get terrible weeping infections of

the eye sockets.

Connie says that the infection can eat away

at the flesh until there's nothing left but

a giant crater on the side of the

cow's head.

That's it, I'm done.

What?

I went to med school.

After what I've seen, I could eat soup

out of that cow's head.

Linda!

Linda!

Yes?

I have some good news.

You're finally gonna change your hair?

No.

Good, because it's perfect the way it is.

Mm-hmm.

I found your bracelet.

Well, thank you, Margaret.

It really means a lot to me that

you...

found it.

Excuse me.

Huh?

Is Dr. Becker in?

Oh, yes, he's in his office.

You could go on back.

Dr. Becker?

Yeah?

I'm Joe Willikie's daughter, Helen.

Could I talk to you about that machine

you got for my father?

Sure, sure, come on in.

But if you're here to thank me, there's

no need.

I didn't do anything that any other dedicated

medical professional wouldn't have done.

Well, maybe a little more.

I hate that thing.

My pleasure, my pleasure.

Um, go back.

I thought it would be so great if

my father could finally talk, but since he's

had that machine, he's been rude, he's insulting,

and he uses it to curse at everybody,

including me.

And he tortures our poor dog with that

damn doorbell button.

Every time Biscuit hears it, he goes crazy

and runs for the door, and my father

does it all day long.

Yeah, if you're asking me to take the

machine away, I can't do that.

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I liked

him better when he couldn't talk.

Is all this anger part of the disease?

Wouldn't you be angry?

You're right, I know.

It's just that I know we don't have

that much time left together, and I don't

want it to be like this.

I don't know.

Um...

I suppose I could talk to him.

That'd be great.

But I'm warning you, he can be very

abrasive.

Oh, don't worry, I deal with people like

that all day long.

Mrs. Sanchez, you can go on back now.

Oh, don't forget your purse.

Definitely don't want to leave anything lying around

this office.

Linda, if you are accusing me of stealing

your bracelet, then just come on out and

say it.

Okay, I accuse you.

I did not steal your bracelet.

Mm-hmm.

Don't you do that to me.

Come on, Margaret, what am I supposed to

think?

That my bracelet just magically flew off my

wrist like that?

Wow!

I'm willing to forget about this if you

are.

Is Connie here yet?

I haven't seen her.

Hey, come on.

Don't kid around.

I asked you to meet me here because

today's the day Bob asks out his potential

soulmate.

Soulmate?

Bob, have you been smoking your sandals?

Hi, Bob.

Hey, Connie.

Hey, I had fun at the rally last

night.

Thanks for letting me get up on your

shoulders.

I finally got to see Suzanne Vega.

That was great.

So is that all you wanted to tell

me?

I'm kind of on my way to a

meeting.

No, uh, there's something I wanted to ask

you.

Sit down.

Would you like to go to dinner with

me tonight?

I found this great new health food restaurant.

You know, the type of place frequented by

your earthy types.

There were so many great ponies' heels, I

thought I was in the holding pen of

the glue factory.

Tonight?

Uh, gee, I'm sorry, I can't.

Right, two last minute.

How about this weekend?

Sorry, my mom's coming into town.

Oh, that's sweet.

Because without family, we have nothing.

How about the week after?

Sorry, Bob, I can't then either.

Oh.

Wait a minute.

I see what's going on here.

You have a boyfriend, and you have to

break up with him before you can go

out with me.

Okay, Bob, I don't have a boyfriend.

I was trying to let you down easy.

You're a nice guy, but the truth is,

I just really don't want to go out

with you.

I'm sorry.

Bye, Bob.

Well, Bob can't spend that.

Gee, Bob, when you went to the rally

and got your new clothes and stopped eating

meat, well, I didn't believe you at first,

but it really sounds like you like this

girl.

You gotta admit, I did.

Is there anything we can do to make

you feel better?

Yeah.

If you can give me a big bloody

double bacon cheeseburger.

But, Bob, what about the cow's decaying eye

socket?

Sure, I'll fry him an apple.

Have it for dessert.

I said bourbon, not cat pee.

Hey, Joe.

Your daughter told me I might find you

here.

Now, if you have a problem with that

one, you can kiss mine.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Bob.

This is a...

Well, it's a bar, but still, you know...

You want anything?

Yes, I'd like a Scotch rocks, please.

You know, with ALS, you're not supposed to

be drinking.

Because it's bad for my health?

Yeah, look, um...

Joe, Helen wants me to talk to you.

I-I know.

I know it's bad.

I know you...

you didn't plan your life this way.

I mean, you have a horribly unfair disease.

Are you trying to cheer me up?

I'm just...

I'm just saying that, you know, maybe you

need to be a little nicer to people

than...

than...

Hey, what do I have to do?

You know, go back there and make the

drink myself?

Where was I?

Being nice.

Yeah, look, you know, if you keep doing

this, Joe, you're gonna push people away, and

you can't afford to do that.

Choke on it.

Thank you.

You know, maybe...

maybe you should just be a little more

careful what you say to people, you know?

Think about how it's gonna make them feel.

You know, like your daughter, for instance.

She might be a little oversensitive.

She might be driving you nuts.

I don't know, but, you know...

My daughter is nice to me.

Oh, you...

What do you mean, like, overly nice?

Because that...

that can drive you nuts, too.

I mean, I-I have people like that

in my life.

No, she's just nice.

So...

why are you so mean to her?

I don't know.

Maybe you're just angry at everybody, and she

happens to be in the line of fire?

I don't know.

What?

What is it?

I mean, you think if you're not nice

to people, they're not gonna miss you when

you're gone?

I mean, come on.

This is your daughter we're talking about, Joe.

I don't want to leave her.

I love my daughter.

Well, then don't leave her before you have

to.

You're welcome.

Hey, you know, I understand you being pissed

off at people, but what do you have

against her dog?

I mean, come on, it's just a dog.

It's a poodle.

Dog.

It wears a sweater.

I got it.

I got

it.