Original subtitles

(DOCTOR WHO THEME)

Control, quintessence of wickedness.

Corruption incarnate!

Thank you for trusting me, Control.

(GROWLING) My half greeingment done.

You desiring, in the darkness you shall find it!

Don't let it out!

- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - Ow!

- Too late! - Light?

(SCREAMING)

- Light! - Josiah, come back!

Uh, how do you do? I'm the Doctor. And, uh, this is my friend Ace,

and I hope you slept well.

- What the devil is that thing? - ACE: It's an angel, stupid.

That's just its shape here on Earth. It's called Light.

And it's come to survey life here.

It was crashed out in the stone spaceship in the basement.

And while it slept, the survey got out of control.

- Control is me. - And the survey is Josiah.

ACE: And now, Light's come to sort out the muddle.

DOCTOR: That was my idea.

MACKENZIE: Then who are you?

DOCTOR: I wouldn't want to confuse you.

Remember our greeingment, Doctor.

You promised Control freeness.

- (HIGH VOICE) Control? - Now! Tell it now!

How long have I been asleep?

(GASPS)

And why have I naturalised in this form?

No! Light, don't!

(BUZZING)

- That was unnecessary. - Wasteful. None of the weapons work.

Josiah! Withdraw with your people!

Withdraw!

We'll talk.

Nothing leaves until I have explanations.

Nothing will delay my plans for the Empire.

With luck, Light and the Doctor

will be at each other's throats before they even notice.

Mrs Pritchard will organise dinner

and deal with that interfering policeman.

Very good, sir.

Gwendoline,

it's time for Miss Ace to leave us.

I'm sure she'll enjoy Java, Uncle, once she gets there.

Not as much as you'll enjoy sending her, my dear.

And Redvers Fenn-Cooper?

Redvers kicked over his traces and lost himself in the bush.

Lord knows if he'll ever find his way out again.

And your other quest, Redvers?

I can't recall. The heat haze is dazzling.

I need you, Redvers. Stay out of trouble.

We have a royal appointment to keep.

How many more times, Light? This is Earth.

I mean, why don't you check the instruments in your spaceship?

Where has he got to now?

How does Light move so fast?

He travels at the speed of thought.

Earth. Why mention that wretched planet to me?

If you don't like it, then bog off.

I once spent centuries faithfully cataloguing all the species there,

every organism from the smallest bacteria to the largest ichthyosaur.

But no sooner had I finished than it all started changing.

New species, new sub-species, evolution running amok.

I had to start amending my entries. Oh, the task is endless.

That's life.

Control...

How many more millennia must I suffer your company?

Is this Earth? Well?

Control wants her freeness.

Be a lady-like. Doctor promised.

It is not his to give.

- Did you promise, Professor? - Things ran away with themselves.

Control too run away.

Light, Light, give her a break. She's not your real troublemaker.

You are interfering.

Yes, just like you,

only I didn't get caught napping.

Why don't you forget the survey, Light, and go!

- Has he gone? - No.

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

(RASPING) Control's new world.

(LAUGHING) Mmm!

(GASPS)

You like them? You take.

Now we trade words.

No...

This is not Earth. It cannot be.

Where are the ice fields?

The proboscis pachyderms and the horse-tailed forests?

Come here, child.

I need your assistance.

(BUZZING)

- (CLATTERING) - What was that?

Just our imaginations.

No sign of Control.

It's weird. It feels like this whole place is coming alive.

Yes. It's the energy from Light's ship. Invigorating, isn't it?

- No. - What does it remind you of?

All right, all right, all right!

What happened here in 100 years' time is none of my business.

- I thought this was a haunted house. - It is.

- I was only 13! - Of course.

I got frightened, that's all!

The TARDIS key. You can always wait for me there.

That's the easy way out.

Well, come on, then.

Doctor?

Have you ever had one of those nightmares where you couldn't move?

(GASPS)

- Doctor? - (SCREECHING)

(SQUAWKING)

(SQUEALING)

(BREATHING ERRATICALLY)

You're all dead! You're all dead!

It wasn't my fault! I'm not guilty!

I couldn't help it!

(SIREN WAILING)

(NOISES FADE)

Ace, my dear. I want you to come away.

Come away with me to Java.

Ah, Lady Pritchard.

I've been wanting a word with you. Perhaps we can sort this business out

over a pot of tea.

Dispose of that specimen immediately.

- (GRUNTS) - Agh!

You're a right vicious little Victorian, aren't you.

The handsomest woman Redvers ever saw was daughter to a N'tamba chief,

but she had a bone through her nose and ate her cousin for breakfast.

Will Control be ladylike?

Want so much.

Once this hunt is over, I'll make you the finest ladylike in the Empire.

Having fun, Control?

You! You come taking away Control's freeness!

Control, I've come to help you and to ask for your help.

No help. It's mine. You won't take it.

No, Control! Don't!

Come back! Argh! You won't get far!

Of course, if she was a real lady, I wouldn't be in her boudoir.

Oh, things are getting out of control!

Even I can't play this many games at once!

- Then, help me. Help me with my hunt! - I haven't got time, Redvers.

But I'm hunting the rarest creature in the world, the crowned Saxe-Coburg.

- Look. - (PAPER RUSTLING)

Really?

And who's sponsoring the expedition? Josiah Samuel Smith.

When I find it, I shall shoot it.

Come on, Ace. I don't want to hurt you.

(GRUNTS)

You mean it'll be painless!

(EXCLAIMS)

The crowned Saxe-Coburg isn't easy to discover.

A good hunter always knows the signs,

like a royal invitation to Buckingham Palace, for instance.

Why else do you think Josiah has kept you alive so long, Redvers?

Will you join my expedition, Doctor?

Not yet. I've got to find Ace.

(GRUNTING)

- Come here, you little brat! - Get off me, you!

ACE: Control, help me!

I wanted to see how it works, so I dismantled it.

But I need another specimen.

Sir, you are Light.

Long ago, my people worshipped you as the Burning One.

I know you.

I took you up as the last specimen

of the extinct Neanderthal race from Earth.

Yes, sir.

At least they knew when to stop evolving.

Who released you from your quarantine cubicle?

Mr Josiah, sir. I am in his service.

Look at these microbes.

They're evolving even as I speak.

My entire catalogue of the planet is worthless.

Centuries of work wasted!

Ah! Perhaps one of you could tell me where I can find the Doctor.

You know, this place is like a madhouse.

If we don't want things to change,

we make sure that they cannot.

(BUZZING)

- Control? - Leave alone! Go away!

- Am I still Ratkin? - (WAILING)

It's all right. I didn't mean it.

Hate world.

Hate freeness. It bites.

Ran away into big, empty nothing.

Sky flew away to nothing.

Want to hide from big, open emptiness world.

(SIGHS) It's this house.

When you're a kid, you smash things you hate,

but what do I do if it keeps coming back?

World only changing for him. Now he's Josiah.

Big man now.

Leaving Control behind.

Control no ladylike! (WAILING)

Oh, cut the whinging, Control!

You wanna fight back! You gotta beat Josiah at his own game.

Go on. Try again. "The rain in Spain falls mainly down the drain."

(CROAKING) The rain-ah in Spain-ah falls-ah mainly...

- There you are, Ace, my dear. - (ACE GRUNTS)

Control, help me!

New game play! Control go next!

- The natives are restless tonight. - Let me go! Let go!

(GRUNTING)

Gwendoline, who does this remind you of?

(GASPING)

Severe trauma.

I could forgive her arranging those little trips to Java...

- She was hypnotised, Doctor. - If she didn't enjoy them so much.

Professor, Control's got a few things to show Josiah.

No longer hiding.

Good. Just in time for dinner.

(OWL HOOTING)

Good evening, Josiah.

Don't have the soup.

Get that creature out of here.

- Get it out. - Go on, Control. Knock 'em dead.

(REFINED SPEECH) Control has her freeness now, squire.

What's this? Where's Gwendoline?

Better off without you, Guv'nor.

You win this move, Doctor, but I will not suffer that creature at my table.

That, sir, is no way to speak in front of a ladylike.

- Oi, Jungle Jim, I'm here too, you know? - No one hurting Control.

Not in gutter now.

Who was it said, "Earthmen never invite their ancestors round to dinner?"

Oh, (CHUCKLES) which reminds me...

Lady Pritchard, have you seen this?

It belongs to your daughter Gwendoline.

And there's a portrait in there of you. See?

Very nice likeness.

You and Sir George must have been very happy before the cuckoo invaded your nest.

(WHIMPERING)

Gwendoline!

- Mrs Pritchard, you're not dismissed! - Let her alone, sir.

- A lioness always protects her cubs. - No soup, Ace.

There's no way out of this for you, Doctor.

I knew it was a trap as soon as I walked into it.

Unfortunately, the guest of honour seems to have let you down.

Light will come.

It's still changing, seething.

Every plain and crevice crawls with life,

but I recognise the stench of its over-ripe infested car case.

Gwendoline?

(WHISPERING) Mama?

Oh... Gwendoline!

Mama!

Oh, my dear. Oh, my dear.

Oh.

We were so happy once.

Do you remember riding down to the village with your father,

the dogs running behind, barking?

And then he went away

to Java.

You sent him.

Mama, I thought you were lost.

Oh, I am, my dear.

We both are.

Oh, Mama. What have we done?

(CRASH)

You changed.

Like the rest of this verminous planet, you adapted to your situation to survive.

Well,

you'll never change again.

(RHYTHMIC HUMMING)

They never harmed you.

I've decided Earth's future. We must collect items from the ship.

- Follow me. - (CRASH)

Josiah,

tell me about your plan to assassinate Queen Victoria.

- (LAUGHS) You what? - Who have you been talking to?

Myself mostly.

But you're not really empire material, are you?

I mean, your background's a bit dodgy.

- And light wouldn't be amused. - Neither will Queen Vic.

The British Empire's an anarchic mess.

There's no clear directive from the throne. No discipline.

Result? Confusion, wastage.

I can provide a new order. Wealth, prosperity.

Confusion, wastage, tyranny, burnt toast, till all the atlas is pink.

(HUMS RULE BRITANNIA)

But it isn't your invitation to Buckingham Palace. Redvers?

I am allowed to take a guest.

Control proper ladylike now.

Out to dinner.

Take Control meeting Queen lady.

Redvers, we agreed.

We hunt the crowned Saxe-Coburg together.

I gave up on Redvers long ago. All he ever talks about is himself.

- Here, Control. - (GASPS)

It's mine, or I burn it!

You basest creatures!

You dare to defy me?

I'm a man of property!

- Then I burn whole house off. - No!

No, Control! Don't do it! Please don't do it! That's what I did!

In 1983, Ace, you didn't tell me that.

You're not my probation officer! You don't have to know everything.

- Ace. - It was the house.

It was full of evil and hate left by him.

So I burnt the house down. I had to.

- It is wickedness! - Oh, no! (WAILS)

(SOBBING)

That's that, Ace.

He only wanted to take over an empire.

At least he didn't want to destroy the world.

(CRASH)

Light, I think I've solved your problem for you.

There's only one solution to Earth.

I was going to reduce it to this.

Oh, no.

So you started with Inspector Mackenzie.

- The cream of Scotland Yard. - Primordial soup,

the most precious substance in the universe,

from which all life springs.

Merely sugars, proteins and amino acids...

But it will soon start to evolve again,

so I'm going to stop the change here.

All organic life will be eradicated in the firestorm.

And when this world is destroyed, no more change,

no more evolution, no more life.

No more amendments to my catalogue.

But you evolve too, Light.

- Nonsense! - Of course you do.

You change, adapt, all the time.

Your attitude, your place, your mind.

I mean, look at you now.

You're no longer your original shape.

And I don't think much about your catalogue.

It's full of gaps.

All organic life is recorded.

What about the griffins, the basilisks?

You missed the dragons, the bandersnatches.

Then there are the slithy toves and the crowned Saxe-Coburg.

(CRASH)

Where are these items?

DOCTOR: I can't think how you missed them.

You have to complete the catalogue before you can destroy all life here.

- Control? - She's no use to you now.

She's evolved as well.

No! All slipping away.

Allis change, all is movement.

Tell me, Light. Haven't you just changed your location?

Not yet.

What's the matter, Light? Changed your mind?

You are endlessly agitating, unceasingly mischievous.

- Will you never stop? - I suppose I could.

It would make a change.

Nimrod! I can rely on you. Assist me now.

I'm sorry, sir. My allegiance is to this planet, my birthright.

Argh!

Everything is changing.

All in flux.

Nothing remains the same.

Even remains change. It's this planet. It can't help itself.

I will not change.

I'll wake up soon.

(RASPING) No change...

Dead...

Zero.

DOCTOR: Subject for catalogue.

File under "Imagination comma lack of!"

Excuse me, sir,

but Light instigated the firestorm program sometime prior to dinner.

- Ah. - What does that mean?

A very big explosion... Very soon.

How do we stop it? Same as before?

- Ace, don't touch that! - It'll nuke Earth!

- Look. - Fine time to watch a video.

- How does this ship travel? - Speed of thought? It's alive!

Yes. Light's gone. But the ship survives along with a new crew.

- Turn off the power, Doctor! - Get off, scumbag!

- I'll have my empire yet. - Josiah, the ship doesn't want you to.

- There's a place for you here, old chap. - (YELLS)

Stop that immediately! Get back where you belong!

- (EXPLOSION) - (SCREAMING)

There go the rungs in his evolutionary ladder.

(GASPING)

Go on, then. Evolve your way out of that one.

(GROANING) No way up now!

- No changing! - You are the most unhappy creature.

- I shall look after you. - They swapped over.

We have our work to do, sir.

Entries and amendments to devise to complete the catalogue.

No nukes, then? Isn't it going to explode?

Explode or fly. I mean, after all, it is a spaceship.

The energy will be redeployed for our departure, sir.

Redvers has the whole universe to explore for his catalogue!

New horizons, wondrous beasts! Light years from Zanzibar!

Doctor, something tells me you are not in our catalogue,

nor will you ever be.

- You're busy. Must fly. - (STEAM HISSING)

- Bye-bye. - Gone gone.

Bye!

- We've got to get clear for the take-off. - Take-off?

They've gone.

Like a passing thought.

As long as their minds don't wander.

(CRACKLING)

(WIND HOWLING)

(CRASH)

He's dispersed.

Forever?

The house will remember.

Just the ghost of an evil memory lingering.

A dark secret after the candle is out.

I felt it here in a hundred years' time.

An evil older than time itself.

So I burnt the house down.

Any regrets?

Yes.

- Yes? - I wish I'd blown it up instead.

Wicked.