Original subtitles

(DOCTOR WHO THEME)

(GUNFIRE)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Take no prisoners! Kill them all!

(GROANING)

- Are you strong enough to run? - Run where?

They've firebombed every ship we have.

Then we'll have to take one of theirs.

DELTA: Now!

I'll cover the hatch.

(GROANS)

You are the last survivor.

But not for long.

(SCREAMS)

Get away.

Take this with you.

TOLLMASTER: Toll Port G715, please have your credits ready.

Toll Port G715.

Toll Port G715.

Mel, I don't like the look of this one little bit.

Me, too. It's spooky.

Get ready to run back to the TARDIS at the first sign of trouble.

Okay.

TOLLMASTER: Halt.

Who's there?

(BLOWING TOY HORN)

Surprise, surprise!

Welcome, friends. A thousand welcomes.

It's a funny way to welcome your friends.

We thought you'd been attacked by space pirates.

- Now, about this toll fee... - Toll fee?

(LAUGHING) Tonight is your lucky night.

You are our 10 billionth customer.

Did you say 10 billion people have come here?

- Exactly. - Congratulations.

- Now, about this toll fee... - But... but you've won.

You've won the grand prize.

But what is it? I've never won anything before.

You have won a fabulous '50s tour.

A week, a whole week, in Disneyland, planet Earth.

And this time they're going back to 1959.

- The rock 'n' roll years. - Oh, that's fantastic.

Oh, let's go, Doctor. Please agree.

(CALLING ALL WORKERS PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)

Hello. Will you put me through to the White House, Washington D.C.?

This is a priority call, Code 11.

Hello, this is Agent Jerome P Weismuller speaking from Wales in England.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Oh, oh, yes, sir. We'll get right on it, sir.

Well?

That was the President's right-hand man. Wow!

Come on, Weismuller, spill the beans. Why the red alert?

He says that Cape Canaveral has fired a space rocket

with an artificial satellite.

This is history in the making, Weismuller.

What are we supposed to do about it?

Surveillance, Hawk, surveillance.

We've been selected. It's our job to track the thing.

Are we going to have a whole space cruiser to ourselves?

Oh, no. You're going on a scheduled tour

with the Navarinos' 1950s club.

Navarinos from the tri-polar moon Navarro,

squat, wrinkly, purplely creatures?

Won't they be a little conspicuous on Earth?

Oh, I don't think so.

Not now, they've been through a transformation arch.

(CROWD CHEERING)

- Who's that? - Oh, that's Murray, your pilot.

Oh, this is going to be very interesting.

What is?

Nostalgia Trips, the most notorious travel firm in the five galaxies.

It was a Nostalgia Trip cruiser that got stuck

with the Glass Eaters of Tharl.

Oh, dear.

Yes, well, they may have had one or two little problems in the past,

but that's all sorted out now.

But the brochure shows a space cruiser, not an old bus.

Old bus? This a very expensive conversion.

The chassis and the engine, they're from a Hellstrom II,

the very latest thing in space cruisers.

The old-fashioned bodywork, well that's just to please the tourists.

We're not fools, you know.

I've been through that thing a hundred times and I still don't like it.

Oh, welcome aboard. I'm Murray.

I'm Mel and this is the Doctor.

That's great. Knowing Nostalgia Trips, we may need a doctor.

Come on, folks, all aboard.

Mel, you go ahead on the bus. I'll follow on in the TARDIS.

Thanks.

Oh, you don't think the old bus will make it, Doctor.

Underneath this stream liner shell is a Hellstrom Fireball engine.

There's none finer.

(METALLIC CLANG)

Come along, folks. All aboard. Have fun.

Remember your time, 1959.

You cannot escape me. Wherever you go, I will track you down.

My people will survive, Gavrok.

You are the last.

Turn back. There is nowhere you can hide.

She somehow switched off the homing trace. Visual pursuit.

Copy her vector.

We're overshooting, fool.

She went into that space toll.

Attention, incoming craft. You're approaching...

Please keep your seats during the flight and no dancing in the aisles.

Now, are we all feeling fine?

- (ALTOGETHER) Yes. - All right.

1959, here we come!

♪ One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, rock ♪

♪ Five six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock, rock ♪

That better? Do you hear anything yet?

No, no. Nothing.

All get is something called Housewives' Choice.

I can't even get any rock 'n' roll.

No signal from the satellite?

No. Come on down, you try.

I tell you, it's hopeless, Hawk. That thing could be anywhere.

Come on now, all of you sing.

♪ When the chimes ring five, six and seven

♪ We'll be right in seventh heaven

♪ We're gonna rock around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock, rock, rock, till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna rock around ♪

- Do you often do the '50s run? - Uh-huh. I love that sort of thing.

Music, the haircuts, the baggy suits.

♪ We're gonna rock around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock, rock, rock, till broad daylight ♪

Where are you from?

You're not a late arrival from the Navarino party, are you?

No. I'm a Chimeron.

(SHRILL NOISE)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Forget it, Weismuller, without those coordinates, we're shooting in the dark.

I am not making that call and that's that.

The boss said we were to share everything.

That includes responsibility, you know.

Let me tell you something.

If they think we fouled up, they'll be ringing us every five minutes.

Now you go ahead and make that call.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello, Agent Weismuller speaking.

Oh, no, sir. No, no nothing yet.

Oh gee, that's too bad.

Oh.

Oh, oh, yes, sir.

Yes, we'll do our very best, sir.

Thank you.

What's up?

Bad news.

That satellite has gone haywire.

And the scientists think it's going to fall to Earth somewhere around here.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Keep calm, folks.

We're just experiencing a little bit of technical difficulty.

(SIGHING)

Oh, thanks, Doctor.

We ran into this piece of space junk. What did you do?

Well, I simply applied the TARDIS vortex drive

to generate an anti gravity spiral to halt your descent.

Sorry about the bumpy landing. A miscalculation.

We could sure use a guy like you at head office.

The satellite seems to have jammed your navigational pod.

Ah, hello, Mel. Nice trip?

Hey, this doesn't look like Disneyland.

No. Well, according to my reckoning, it seems to be somewhere in Wales.

We've got to do something with all these people till we get the bus fixed.

Maybe that series of primitive dwellings

could be used as some sort of way station.

It's a holiday camp.

Excellent, just what we're looking for.

Oh, but Doctor, it looks... I don't know, it looks a bit grim.

Oh, don't go by appearances, Mel.

Often the most interesting people stay at these places.

This is the real '50s.

Oh, hello.

Expected you hours ago.

Trouble with the bus, is it? Oh, it happens all the time.

Still you're not far from the chalets.

Do you mind if we can rest at the camp till we get the bus shipshape?

Mind, my dear boy? That is what we are here for.

Welcome, campers.

I am your camp leader while you're here at Shangri-La.

My name is Burton and if there's anything you need, just ask.

(SPEAKING WELSH) Dere 'mlaen nawr! (Come on then!)

Follow me, isn't it?

That's right, folks, follow Burton.

He'll look after you until the cruiser's ready to roll.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Now, follow me.

Welcome to Shangri-la where your dreams come true.

Now, you will all be sharing cabins, but we eat together.

Over there is the dining hall with the shower block behind.

Breakfast is at 8:00, lunch is at 1:00,

and supper is at 6:00. Any questions?

Splendid. Right, you two, follow me and I'll show you to your chalet.

Right, you will find a list of our rules and regulations behind the door.

Any questions? Splendid.

Not that it really makes much difference but which bed would you like?

I don't really mind. One's about as good as the other.

(SPEAKING WELSH) Peidiwch nawr! (Stop that!)

Oh, look, your chalet is 101 in Row Y.

Oh, if you need any help with the bus,

I'm sure our young mechanic will be pleased to assist.

I'll see you at lunch, is it?

(SPEAKING WELSH) Dere 'ma! (Come here!)

- Hi, I'm Billy. - Oh, Murray.

I'm the Doctor.

Old man Burton said there was something wrong with your bus. Is that right?

Well, we hit this low orbital satellite,

which jammed the navi-pod and here we are.

(IN WELSH) Hei, hei! Dere 'ma, Dere 'ma! (Hey, hey! Come here, come here!)

Look, I can see something's bothering you.

- Do you want to talk about it? - No.

Ah, this is the cause of the problem.

An extremely crude low orbital satellite,

capable only of the most rudimentary radio transmissions.

Ah, thanks, Doctor.

I've got to fill in an accident report otherwise

head office would withdraw my licence. As it is, it's touch and go.

(BILLY WHISTLES)

I've never seen an engine like that.

Ah, yeah, it's a Hellstrom Fireball, capable of warp 5 in a good tail wind.

What exactly is it you wanna do?

Well, do you see that navi-pod? It needs to be unbolted,

- so we can replace the broken crystal. - Right.

Now, inside this box

is the only Quarb crystal this side of Softel Nebula.

Thank goodness you came along, Doctor.

Head office says it's my last chance to make good.

Ah, well done.

Now...

Carefully does it.

- Hi, Billy. - Oh, hi, Rachel.

This is Murray and the Doctor.

Please call me Ray. Oh, do you guys want a hand?

You haven't by chance got a one and five eighths socket, have you?

(CHUCKLES)

Do you always carry around a full set of tools with you?

Oh, it's what Billy taught me, always to be prepared.

A stitch in time fills up space.

Oh, I've broken it.

Your crystal. No licence, no job, no future.

If you think it might help, I could transport everyone in the TARDIS.

No, thank you, Doctor.

- The captain never leaves his ship. - Hmm.

Well, there is another alternative.

I could accelerate growth in the thermo-booster

and create a crystal in about 24 hours.

That's fantastic. You saved my life, Doctor.

I can't see any problem staying here for 24 hours.

Oh, great. I'll see you all at the dance then.

- A dance with... with live music? - Uh-huh.

- Billy here plays great rock 'n' roll. - Sounds too good to miss.

Okay, see you later, alligator.

(GONG SOUNDING)

- What's that? - It's the dinner gong.

I think I'll finish unpacking later. I'll go and get something to eat.

- Can you be trusted? - Yes, completely.

Discretion's my middle name.

I'll see you later.

(SCREAMING) For the last time,

Tell me her destination and I will let you live.

I can't. It's more than my job's worth. It's strictly confidential.

I'm getting tired of this. Tell me now.

They were going... They were going to Disneyland, planet Earth.

When they struck the satellite, they were blown off course.

I don't know where.

- Can you not do better than that? - Honestly, I don't know.

I can see that you have done your best.

Let him go.

Thank you. Oh, thank you. Thank you, thank you, sir.

Thank you. Thank you, gentlemen. Thank you, thank you.

(SCREAMING)

We've wasted enough time here.

Plot a course for Earth.

I want every informer throughout the galaxy to look for her.

- Doctor, there's something odd here. - Well, it is home, for the moment.

At least till the navi-pod's fixed. Personally speaking, I rather like it.

I'm determined to try and enjoy myself, if I can.

Excellent.

- About your roommate... - She's got a gun.

She's very on edge.

Have you managed to speak to her at all?

Of course, but she's totally withdrawn.

It makes me nervous.

If she's who I think she is, then she's in danger.

- From someone here? - That's what we've got to find out.

(TAPPING ON GLASS)

Well, this is to remind you that tonight

we're having our "Get to know you" dance.

(CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

What do you think of it, Doctor?

I built it myself with the spare parts from the war.

- How appropriate. - What?

I said for a primitive piece of technology,

it certainly delivers the decibels.

That's what rock 'n' roll's all about.

♪ Well I never felt more like singing the blues

♪ 'Cause I never thought that I'd ever lose your love, dear

♪ Why'd you do me this way? ♪

Hey, this is great.

The 1950 nights back on Navarro were never like this.

(LAUGHING)

♪ The dream is gone I thought was mine ♪

See, Doctor, it's not as bad as all that now, is it?

Bad, no. Rather nice, in fact.

Oh, let's go down to the front. I can't see Billy properly from here.

- Have you known each other long? - Oh, since we were children.

I even learnt all about motorbikes, in the hope it'd make him notice me.

But it doesn't seem to have made a blind bit of difference.

Come on, let's go down to the front.

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

BILLY: Thanks, folks.

And now a romantic number from across the pond.

For a very special lady in the audience.

Why Do Fools Fall in Love?

(MUSIC STARTS)

- I was wondering, Ray, if... - Thank you, Doctor, I'd love to.

♪ Why do fools fall in love? ♪

Throw some more wood on the fire, Hawk.

Why don't you, Weismuller?

Because you're nearer to the flap, Hawk.

Go on, go on, go on. Get out of here.

I'll get you, Weismuller. I'll get you.

Great dance.

It's hot in there.

Ah, you Navarinos have a notoriously high metabolic rate.

That hula hoop competition nearly finished me off.

Excuse me, Murray.

Hey, you'll miss the last dance, Doctor.

♪ I'm so alone ♪

(SOBBING)

Oh, hi.

I was just...

Oh, Doctor, am I being a fool?

Billy didn't even offer to take me home.

There, there.

There's many a slap twixt a cup and a lap, Ray.

But somehow I always thought Billy and me would end up together.

Oh, it shows how wrong you can be.

Oh, listen to me.

(DOOR OPENING)

We're not supposed to be in here.

Connect me with the Bannermen leader.

Gavrok here. Go ahead.

I understand you're offering a reward for the Chimeron queen.

(GAVROK ON COMMUNICATOR) Affirmative. One million units.

I've found her.

She's at a place called Shangri-La, in South Wales.

Western Hemisphere, Earth.

Now lock into this signal to guide you in.

GAVROK: The reward will be yours when we arrive. End transmission.

(DOCTOR SNEEZES)

- Thank you. - What for?

For lending me your dress.

For making an effort to be kind.

Oh, I'd help anyone in trouble if I could.

Mel, there's something you should know.

What an unexpected bonus.

You're the traveller in time they call the Doctor.

Your death will make me richer still.

If you kill for money, let the girl go. She's worth nothing to you.

I don't just kill for money.

It's also something I enjoy.