Original subtitles

Bye. Bye.

Thank you.

with the cold body heat.

What was that?

It's the woods, bae.

Probably just a deer or something.

You're really not much of a camping out kind of girl, are you? Well, actually, I

pitched a tent in my backyard once, but there was a fish that's looking... girl,

and I had to run back in the house. Oh, no.

Hey, he has murder in his eyes, I swear.

Oh, okay.

Oh,

my

God. I think there's something out there.

Oh, my God, that's it.

okay just stay calm we're gonna swim back across the lake to the resort okay

can you do that okay come on

Hurry, it's coming on.

Can't this wait a few minutes? I really need to work on my blog.

You've been saying you've had writer's block for like a week now, so it can

wait a few more minutes. Plus, this is going to make your blog ten times more

sexy.

There it is.

I'm here at the beautiful Cottontail Resort, an idyllic getaway shattered by

reports of something unexplainable.

Eyewitnesses share the details of their terrifying encounter.

Oh, uh, we were just going for a midnight swim by the lake when we saw

it. We didn't get a very good look, though, because it was dark, but it was,

like, really huge, like, eight feet tall or something, and it was completely

covered in hair, like some sort of giant ape. I don't know. It was really scary.

It must have been a terrifying encounter.

Will you be leaving the resort?

Oh, no. I made a promise to the owner that I'd be staying, and I could never

break a promise.

Not everyone is willing to risk living with this mysterious creature, including

the only other witness.

I really love this place, but I cannot stay here one more minute knowing that

thing is out there. It was terrifying.

Even if this is merely a hoax, it could cost the resort dearly, as the panicked

exodus of guests and staff have left it a virtual ghost town.

These footprints, measuring almost 18 inches, were found very near the

reported encounter, a compelling but inconclusive piece of evidence.

Is there a giant creature roaming these forests, or is this nothing more than a

modern myth? Until someone captures the perfect photograph or piece of evidence,

the truth will remain a mystery.

Did you hear that?

Evidence.

Yeah, I heard evidence that there's a lot of stoners wandering the woodlands.

Oh, it's like she said. The perfect photo to prove Bigfoot exists.

That's us. We need to go and take that picture.

What if it's not Bigfoot? What if it's just some very tall pervert who needs

manscaping? I can't let you take that chance.

It's too dangerous.

Look, it's not just what those two girls thought. Since I heard about it, I've

been doing a little research myself.

Oh, God. I was afraid of that.

I studied all the reports of Bigfoot in the vicinity.

And then I studied all the other reports of what could have been bears, but maybe

weren't, and correlated them all to the area where the two girls sighted the

creature. They all converged right here.

Oh, crap. Anyway, we can get the perfect picture, and when we do, we can

sell it to TV and news stations for big money.

And then...

I can finally get my degree in cryptozoology.

Okay. Remind me, what is cryptozotography?

It's cryptozoology, silly.

It's the study of creatures that nobody's ever proven exists.

I was, like, this close to graduating.

But when my friend Mike and I went on our field study to Loch Ness, it was

just a freaking disaster.

Oh, yeah. You never did tell me all the gory details about that trip.

Well, we went there for like a month, and we were hiding along the shore every

day, just waiting to get the first real evidence.

Prudence, can you please try to keep up?

Sorry.

It is such a beautiful day.

You can just find these everywhere.

So we found spots to settle in and wait.

We were waiting around for hours, and I just got so restless.

But fortunately, I had something to help me relax.

I can't believe it.

Well, the professor was just so angry at us that he said that Mike and I would

never graduate unless I did something really amazing to atone. But if we can

get Mike to come with us, then he can share the credit, and then he can

graduate, too.

Okay.

Um, not to sound self-absorbed here, but how is this monster hunt going to make

my blog ten times more sexy?

We're going to be in the woods.

There's going to be, like, tons of hunky, horny lumberjacks and, like...

Sexy for strangers that are just waiting to meet someone like you.

I guess that does have a certain Neanderthal appeal.

Could be just the thing to get my creative juices flowing again.

Perfect. You can get your juices flowing with my... Oh, honey. You mean your

friend from college?

Yeah. It never really did work out between us.

He's still kind of pissed at me.

Maybe you can be the one to get him to come with us.

I don't know.

I'm going to need some time to ponder this.

Hands up. He's here to pick up some books he loaned me. Just get him to

come.

With us.

Get him to come with us. You can do this.

Okay, okay.

I'll see what I can do, but I'm not making any promises.

And if you would have told me, I would have dressed better.

I'm going to go hide.

Prudence. Just because you can't see me doesn't mean you're hidden.

Is that better? Yeah.

You must be Prudence's roommate.

Not a lumberjack, but this might work.

Excuse me?

I mean, yes.

I'm Veruca.

He told me you were coming back for your books.

I heard about what happened at Loch Ness. I really am so sorry.

I know Prudence means well, but that vibrator of hers lost me my degree.

Well, it just so happens that her and I are planning a little wilderness

expedition.

That could get you your degree back.

Plus, a little fame and fortune thrown in for good measure.

We're after this little thing known as... Oh, no.

I think prudence is the sweetest thing, but this is bound to end in disaster.

Oh, you think I'm sweet.

Well,

I'm going to tell you a little secret that you can't share with anyone.

You think you can do that for me?

Sure.

Have you ever heard of the erotic blog writer Salome?

Yeah. Women really go crazy reading her.

It's pretty steamy stuff.

Are you a fan?

No.

I am Salome.

I'm a very intimate woman who spends every day sharing and exploring her

personal desires.

That must be very fulfilling.

What? We'll take care of those meats out there in those lonely dark woods.

I was sort of hoping that could be you.

You don't think Prudence would mind?

I mean, we used to date a little.

We're best friends.

We share everything.

Let me show you what you would be missing.

Ever. So, can we count on you for this expedition?

Oh, absolutely.

Oh, Mike, you're going to be so happy you're coming with us.

I have to make the reservation at the resort.

Okay, we have to pretend that we're just guests. Don't anybody tell them what

we're really going there to do, okay?

Veruca, Mike needs to get his equipment. Come on, we don't have a tiny little

second to waste.

So, um, does this mean we're, like, dating?

Well, that depends if there's any lumber camps where we're going.

Cocktail Resort Center. Flyer speaking.

Namaste.

Yes, we have some rooms available.

But I must be completely honest with you.

We've had some frightening reports from our area.

Oh, that's okay. We're not worried. All that talk about Bigfoot is just hogwash

anyway.

Possibly. But as they say, there are more things in heaven than earth.

No, no. We don't believe any of that stuff.

And we're certainly not coming there to take any silly photos or do any kind of

silly investigations.

Nope, we're just tourists coming to enjoy the nice peace and quiet and

sunshine.

Yeah, okay.

Well, um, we have rooms here for all three of you.

But I must remind you that we abide by the strict rules of naturism.

Nature? Oh, we love nature.

Especially if there's going to be cute little animals running around and

everything.

We're going to see you in about two hours, okay?

Namaste, Bluetooth.

I think I kept our mission like a super secret.

Oh yeah, you're a regular James Bond.

Hi, Power.

We did the herb garden and picked fresh rosemary for dinner.

Oh, and I adjusted the salt level in the pool like you asked.

I'm just really bummed that we don't have any guests here to enjoy it. You're

forgetting what I taught you about work.

I know. By doing those things, we manifest what we want.

We manifest what we need.

And your hard work and positive thoughts have manifested three new arrivals.

Aren't they afraid of the monster?

Ginger, by calling it a monster, we manifest that negative energy.

Try to think of it more as a creature of peace and beauty, like you or I, finding

its place in the universe.

Okay, well, it was a pretty scary creature of peace and beauty.

You know, I do feel really bad, though.

I didn't think by reporting what happened would make everybody leave.

I was just so scared.

That's natural.

What we don't understand frightens us.

But hopefully, with our new guests in search of Bigfoot, we can possibly

achieve some understanding as well.

They said that?

No, but something she said sort of hit me off.

I hope they're not going to try to, like, hunt them down with, like, weapons

or guns or something.

No, I didn't pick up any negativity, but we should be alert.

Funny, though, I don't think they understood what natureism meant.

But... Usually, when you strip away someone's clothing, you often strip away

their ability to hide their true intentions.

Well, it's not like they can hide any concealed weapons.

I think you need a nice aerobics workout after a long

yoga session.

What did you have in mind?

Why don't you catch me and find out?

I love you.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

So beautiful.

My God, Prudence, what have you got in here?

Just a few little things.

Welcome to Cottontail.

I'm Flowers, the owner, and this is Ginger, my recreational director.

Hello.

Hi.

I'm Prudence Ambruca, and these are my friends Mike.

We have a reservation.

Right. You're the Bigfoot owners. We have your arms ready.

My God, how did you know?

I was keeping that like a super secret.

Which means it's probably in the newspapers already.

Prudence is incapable of lying. That's why we love her.

Well, just promise me that whatever it is out there, you're not going to hurt

it. We adhere to a strict policy of not harming any creatures while living in

harmony with nature.

That's so beautiful.

While living as nature created us.

Unclothed and unashamed.

Wait, so we all have to be naked?

Because that's cool for me. I just don't know about my friends.

Oh, Mike.

You have so much to share. Stop being so shy and lose your laundry.

He is so hot when he acts shy like that.

Does he remind you of your first love?

He looks just like Uncle Joe.

Tell you what, since Mike is obviously a bit bashful, let's let him work up to

it. Wait a minute.

You're the girl on the news who saw Bigfoot.

Yeah, but... I really wish I kept it to myself.

Can you take us to where it happened?

Maybe we can find some physical evidence to help us support the sighting.

I told you he's so smart. I can't imagine why he didn't graduate.

Ginger will show you, and I'll loan you ladies a few wraps until Mike makes

himself more comfortable.

I'll go grab some stuff, and then we can go on up to the lake. I was so scared to

go back by myself, but it seems I manifested what I needed.

Looks like you're going to be losing your pants sooner than you thought.

Wow.

I found hair samples?

And this is amazing.

Oh, my goodness.

Footprints! Ruka, look at these.

I'll take your word for it. This is enough country living for me right here.

You are such a city girl.

Hey, my MP3 player was in here, and my camera was in there, and it's missing,

too. Maybe you thought they were food and took them someplace else.

Oh, my goodness. Guys, look. The tracks are headed off that way. We should

follow them.

It might be safer if I follow them. Why don't you just stay here and collect

some more evidence?

And I'll go with you. It's easy to get lost, and I know the way.

Okay, guys, but meet us back at the house in two hours, and we can compare

notes. Yeah, I may need some, and if you find any lumberjacks, whistle!

At this rate, I'll be writing my own blog in a good person.

I really have to pee.

Don't look at me.

Boot! Come on!

Ah!

My eyes are on fire!

Mom!

I surrender!

You guys usually greet people by urinating on them and pepper spraying

them? Well, I don't know what you think you're doing just sneaking up on people

like that.

I'd start explaining if I were you. This is a supersized kind of meeting.

My name's Dr. Dirk Desjardins.

I'm one of the world's foremost researchers on the subject of Sasquatch.

Or, as you novices would refer to him, Bigfoot.

We're not novices. I have like 75% of a degree in cryptozoology, you know.

Congratulations. For the last two days, I've been squatting in the bush, feeding

off twigs and berries, living as Bigfoot would live.

And smelling like Bigfoot would smell.

Well, that is kind of my fault.

Dirk? Dirk!

Oh, my goodness.

I've read one of your books on Bigfoot before.

It was really quite impressive.

Yeah, I know. But it's Dr.

Dirk. Thank you.

Yes, over the last few days, I have established that there definitely is a

gigantopithecus americanus, a.k.a. Bigfoot, living in this area.

Now, have you almost-college graduates discovered a shred of useful

information?

Well, we've only had a few minutes here, but by the nature of the footprints

compared to the depth of those of my own, I've ascertained that the creature

weighs between 300 to 350 pounds.

And gauging by the broken branches in the surrounding area, I'm estimating a

creature of approximately 7 feet or 2.36 meters.

Now, the radius of the recent sightings surround this area, and so it means that

either the creature has been displaced through an interruption of its natural

food source and habitat, or that it is a newly matured male seeking a new

territory, or that it is in search of unattached females.

Though that behavior would be more consistent in bears or some other non

-primate species, it would be presumptuous to assign standard primate

behavior to a virtually unknown species.

Is that all?

The Bigfoot droppings we found might yield some important data.

Feces! You found feces where?

Doc! God damn it!

Look, Dirk, please, maybe we can just work together on this. I just really

want to get the perfect photo so that I can graduate.

Well, maybe we could work out some kind of deal.

Yes! Perfect!

Perfect! Come on, we don't have a tiny little second to wait. Well, considering

we're going to be spending so much time together, perhaps you ladies could

benefit from a little Dirk worldly expertise.

You smell like cat pee.

Is that a yes?

Oh my God!

Oh my God!

Derek speaking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm alone.

No, no, everything's going according to plan. But there is one small

complication.

Well, there's just some amateurs here trying to get some photos.

But no, no, it won't affect the plan.

I'll just say that Bigfoot was going to harm the women and I was forced to kill

it. Thus, avoiding any negative PR, of course.

Could you hold on a second, please?

Just to clarify, are you absolutely sure you want him dead?

Those Tibetan legends about its glands being the ultimate male elixir have

never been proven.

Well, if your client's willing to pay, so be it.

But our deal still stands, though, right?

Right. Okay.

I'll contact you when I need transportation.

Out.

A million bucks for the body of Bigfoot.

Just so some old fart can have a permanent heart on.

The cards keep showing negativity hanging over us as if something doesn't

mean well.

You do have a giant monster in your backyard.

He doesn't mean us any harm. I meditated on him for hours, and I think he's just

lost or lonely or something.

You know, I keep having this vision of him staring up into the sky.

It's not dangerous.

It's just sad.

Well, there's no point mulling over it.

Just shuffle the cards, and whatever will be, will be.

Wow. I love your Zen attitude in life.

Maybe that's because I was raised by hippies.

I was always taught to focus on the positive and just enjoy what life has to

offer.

Well, you're in the right place.

It's so peaceful here, and, I mean, you really have nothing to worry about.

Yeah, I grew up here.

My parents used to run the center, and now I just want to live by their

principles of life.

Create somewhere that people can go and forget the pressures of the world.

You've got my vote.

Let's see what the cards say about you.

Uh-oh.

Don't believe everything you see.

The cards never lie.

Interesting.

I see...

loyalty and friendship.

You must be someone your friends can really count on.

But that's obvious, considering Prudence adores you.

Oh, she's a gift.

I also see creativity and passion.

And you have a secret.

Oh my god!

You're good!

But, I mean, it's not really a secret.

I write a blog under the name Salome, and And, well, it's about my

personal experience.

Salome, I love reading your blog.

It gets so lonely out here in the country sometimes.

I just think it's a vicarious thrill.

You know, one can't live on tarot cards and live alone.

Well, why live vicariously when I'm right here in the flesh?

Oh, my God. What was that?

There's something out there. What are we doing?

The handcuffs?

Unlock the handcuffs. I don't know what I did with the keys.

Oh, my God.

Look at the size of that thing.

And he's tall, too.

What's such a male-macho-dominant thing to do? Waving your genitals around,

trying to intimidate everyone?

Hmm? You should be ashamed of yourself.

Oh, my God, that was terrifying.

The power's mysteriously gone out. I must investigate.

Save the girls.

What is that?

I know that Bigfoot might be related to this.

Ladies?

You okay?

Ah! Oh, fuck!

Goddamn balls!

Holy shit!

Look at that!

Sorry.

Hello.

It's nice to meet you.

Oh my god, hun, are you okay?

Are you kidding? This is amazing.

It's only been like one night and I got to see Bigfoot.

I guess.

Yeah, you're right. I mean, I've already seen way too much of Bigfoot.

What happened?

What'd you see?

Anything? Come on, talk to me!

I didn't get anything except a bump on the head.

Dork, do you get anything?

It's Dirk, thank you.

Let's look.

I knew that tree looked familiar.

How long have you been spying on us?

Just two days. I was just trying to establish a behavior pattern.

It's an accepted scientific practice, not some kind of perverted voyeurism.

Well, at least we captured the sounds of Bigfoot. At least that's something.

Well, somehow it managed to switch the main power off.

I think by accident.

But here's the weird thing. My laptop is missing and a bunch of other small

electronics from the front desk. I can't explain that.

Well, maybe he's just curious about man-made things.

And another weird thing is all my panties are missing. Do you suppose

Bigfoot wanted those too?

Oh, yeah, baby. Sweet, sweet, sweet panties.

I'll get those back to you.

I don't want them after you had your nasty puzzle over them.

This was in the name of science, Ginger.

Pervert! Okay, enough.

Let's just focus on the situation.

Maybe the creature's just as curious about us as we are about it.

Mike's right.

Let's just all get some rest and we'll figure this out in the morning.

I think we should all stay in the same room.

For safety.

Yes, that's a fine idea, Michael. Sleep in the same room with him?

I'd sooner kiss Bigfoot. I can arrange that.

Pull!

Fine! I'll sleep solo.

Now, if none of you mind, I'd like to take a little dip to unwind.

Look, given some of the recent developments,

Perhaps we should go for a non-natural dress code, just for people's personal

comfort.

That means shorts on for you, Herbo. Oh, fine.

No problem. I'll keep an eye for you guys outside.

out here.

Yeah, but I'm starting to yearn for the little things in life, like room service

and armed security guards.

Billy, this is so much better than a vacation. This is an adventure.

An adventure that's sadly lacking in lumberjacks.

Well, we're going for our morning yoga session.

Would you like to come along?

Aren't you worried about Bigfoot?

No.

Besides, we have the mighty Dirk to protect us.

I always feel better after a good session.

It's like food and water. We needed to live.

That sounds so awesome.

By the way, have any of your girls seen Mike this morning?

Uh, I think he had a little trouble sleeping last night.

Maybe it's best if we just let him relax.

There's some mats inside.

If you'd like to join us, it's the perfect way to work through all the

stress from last night.

Thank you.

Three, four, five.

We're sitting at the ankle.

And turn.

Inhale.

And exhale, hands to heart.

down.

You just go all the way out.

Oh, my God.

It's amazing.

We got hair samples, broken branches.

But looky here.

Some kind of secretion.

Thicky stuff.

Perhaps some kind of ectoplasm.

You know, I know I've smelled this before.

I can't find it, but I mean, it's on the tip of my tongue.

We can't let this kind of evidence just slip through our fingers here.

Very simple, Peabody.

Ladies, tonight we act. I have a plan. Oh, God, and we were afraid of that.

Bruins, grab Mike and bring your equipment here. Twenty hundred hours. Be

prepared to be amazed.

Victory's so close I can almost taste it.

Yeah, and it better taste salty.

Just come out.

Just for one minute.

I'm not afraid of you.

And I promise I wouldn't let anybody hurt you.

I just need one really good picture of you so that I can graduate.

I wrote you a little poem.

I know that sounds silly, but I thought it would be sweet.

So here it goes.

Oh, Bigfoot.

With your big feet.

I hope someday that we shall meet.

And on that day, we can share the thoughts and ideas that show we care.

You as a man, and me as a woman.

And then I couldn't find anything that rhymed with woman.

But I really, really, really tried.

What is?

Who are you talking to?

Bigfoot!

Bigfoot, he sent me these flowers.

Oh, that's really sweet.

What's wrong, honey?

It's just that I know he wouldn't do anything wrong to any of us. I know he

means no harm.

And he'd be better off if we all just left him alone.

But I really need to get that picture of him, and would that make me a terrible

person?

As long as you do it honestly and you don't take advantage of the creature,

no. That doesn't make you a bad person.

That makes sense.

But just, what if something bad happens tonight because of Jerk? I mean, oh,

Jerk, but it's just that he's such a... A jerk?

Yeah.

Well, I can't tell you what to do.

As long as you follow your heart, you'll know where to go.

Maybe it's your place to go out there tonight and...

Follow Dork, I mean Dirk, and make sure nothing bad happens.

Yeah, you're right.

Thank you, Flower.

You're welcome.

Just don't let Dirk break your heart.

This is weird even by Dirk's standards.

Where is he?

Oh, I'm sure he'll pop up eventually.

I really can't be... Fuck all in this thing!

What the hell are you doing?

You scared the shit out of us.

I was trying to make an entrance.

Well, what are you wearing?

For three years, I've studied every report, sketch, and sighting of Bigfoot.

And with the finest artisans money can buy, I've fabricated this perfect

recreation.

Pretty amazing, isn't it? Oh, it's something.

I'll play the Bigfoot sounds we recorded earlier to lure the creature here.

Once he sees me, he's going to come even closer in hopes to communicate with his

fellow creature, thus giving you two the perfect photo opportunity.

And when we get enough photos?

Well, you make enough noise and you scare it away.

If I have any problems, I'm going to give you the panic signal.

Okay, and what's that going to be?

It's this.

All right? Okay.

All right.

Now go over to those bushes and get situated.

Then I'll begin.

All set.

All right, Mr. Bigfoot.

Get prepared for your final booty call.

Thirsty?

No, thanks.

I've got my little friend right here. Fruit and snow. That's how we got into

trouble the first time.

But come on. When I get so bored, I get aroused. How can you be bored?

This is the most exciting investigation we've ever had.

I know. But when I get excited, I get... Let me guess.

Aroused. Kind of.

If you turn that on, it's going to scare him away.

Fine.

Prudence, what are you doing?

I'm just thinking back on all those times that we almost got together.

But I guess you didn't like me that way.

Of course I like you. It's just the timing wasn't right.

Well, there's no time like the present, is there?

Video right.

Video diary of Bigfoot hunt. One hour in, still no sign of the creature.

As soon as he's close, I will open fire, killing it. Then I will claim that it

was endangering the research party, and then I'll be a million dollars richer.

Shit. Maybe I shouldn't have actually recorded that.

Yeah, let me just rewind.

The rewind button here.

but we continue to wait anxiously.

Personal note, I really should have put some ventilation in this because I'm

sweating like a fucking bitch.

On a side note, I'm chafing real fucking bad in the groin area.

Out.

Damn, I shouldn't have bought those Salvation Army batteries.

Now that I'm sweating, I really can't see. Fuck all.

Fuck.

This is so... Fuck.

Can't believe I let those stupid idiots talk me into this dumb plan.

Damn, this was a bad idea. God.

Fuck. I hate this.

Oh, fuck. I can't see shit.

fuck, this isn't good.

Holy shit, Kurt Warhol!

Shit, it's splitting me in half!

Help! No!

Oh,

Mike! You're an animal!

Help, for the love of God!

We didn't see anything.

Are you okay?

Get me out of here!

I don't want to talk about it!

Oh, my God!

There goes our stuff.

Okay, come on. Cass!

I'm fine.

Good?

Oh, God.

I can't believe you paid money for this thing.

Please tell me you didn't know about this.

Oh, my God, no. No, I swear.

I'm as shocked as you are.

Maybe he just had it for protection in case he was attacked.

Um, I don't think so. Take a look at this.

Son of a bitch!

I want him and his guns and his cruelty out of my resort.

He's the negativity the cards predicted.

Not Bigfoot.

Well, if you're someone who believes in karma, you've got to take a look at

this.

I knew Carmel was a bitch, but I've never seen it work so fast.

And so hard.

And so repeatedly.

Holy fuck, that's a big shot.

Unfortunately, there's no shot of Bigfoot, but we know why Dirk was

walking so fast.

I am so putting this online.

Shall we wake him up?

No, no, let him sleep. Let him sleep.

Let me get rid of this gun. I'm throwing it in the lake where it can't hurt

anybody or anything ever again.

Wow.

What a gorgeous day!

The sun's shining, the birds are singing, joyfully, playfully.

Were you really going to kill Bigfoot?

We found your gun and saw the tape.

Well, there's no point in denying it.

Yes, I came here with the intention of killing Bigfoot.

And I deceived you all into becoming pawns in my elaborate charade.

Yeah, well, your game is over, Mr.

Bigfoot-shooting-person.

Flower has thrown your gun in the lake, so there'll be no chance of you hurting

that poor creature.

No, no, absolutely not. I think guns are terrible, too. I mean, as far as hurting

Bigfoot, I would never do that.

Not after our brief encounter.

But aside from that...

I just want to let you guys know that I called my superiors and the deal's off.

Toodaloo, guys.

Well, that was genuinely weird.

You see, he was just a violent person consumed with greed.

But his one encounter with Bigfoot completely changed him.

Filled him with love.

Well, he did look pretty full.

So you think Bigfoot's gay?

No. It was in the dark. You know, the costume.

You know, like that time you got drunk at the Mardi Gras party.

I didn't think I told you about that story.

Damn Thai exchange students.

At least he stopped texting me.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Dirk is going to contact the people that sent him here to kill

Bigfoot. And then they're going to send other people to come and try.

That's true. They might even send someone competent.

Do you know what this means? Bigfoot is in danger.

We have to warn him. We have to get him to move on to another forest.

But how do you intend to communicate with him?

We're going to give him what he wants.

Dirk's butt?

No. And seriously, you really have to stop with that. Do you really want me to

start talking Mardi Gras party again?

No need to go there.

Well, I guess we all have to make sacrifices.

Besides, I haven't had much use for it lately anyway.

Seems I manifested exactly what I needed.

This was supposed to be a present for Prudence to replace the one that she

lost. It's a prototype sent to me from a research lab in Shanghai, which combines

ancient martial arts weaponry with modern sexual technology.

So tiny.

Can it even do the job?

Whoa.

Now that shit is amazing.

I know.

This century really does belong to China.

Okay, I'm going to go and offer these to Bigfoot. He's been trying to collect

electronics. And then what?

And then I'm going to communicate with him using my semester of human-animal

telepathic communications.

Three credits, non-transferable. You flunked that course.

Veruca, that was just a failure to communicate.

There are some bunny rabbits you just can't reach.

Besides, I've already had an encounter with Bigfoot, and I need to warn him.

I'm coming with you.

No, Mike, you stay here. As a male, you might scare him off. Stay here and make

sure everyone's safe, in case I'm wrong.

Well, I'm tagging along. There is no way I'm letting out in that woods with that

creature.

Anyone else want to come along? You know, just one?

Twice?

This is going to be the bestest adventure two best friends ever had.

Okay? Come on. There's still time.

Oh, shit.

I still think this is the...

Greatest idea you've ever had. And let's really say something.

Give it time. This will work.

Oh, uh, Brutus?

We have an emergency.

Ruka, just go pee in the bushes. Just make sure it's not dirt.

Okay.

Bigfoot!

You are in great danger.

There are bad people coming here to kill you. You have to go to another force.

Please, please understand me.

He doesn't understand.

Hey, I hate to do this.

Bigfoot, go away!

Right now. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. No, wait, wait.

You stay here and take care of Ginger and Dirk. Okay. Come on. Let's go. Be

careful.

I'm sorry, this bump on my head might make it hard for me to use my telepathic

communication skills.

Okay.

I guess this is all in the name of science, right?

Can you hear me? Oh, my God.

I can hear you.

My animal communication is working.

No. The device you've inserted allows you to hear my thoughts. You can tell

they're my thoughts because of the reverb effect.

Oh, yeah.

I am really digging the reverb.

This machine is amazing.

Where did you learn to make it?

I am not a creature of the forest, as you have assumed.

I come from another world.

My ship malfunctioned and I was forced to land here and find components to

repair it.

I assumed acting like a savage beast would keep humans away while I made my

repairs.

You came here in a spaceship?

I'm surprised I never noticed it earlier.

We have always avoided your world, convinced it was a primitive and savage

planet, where humans killed for pleasure.

Earth was deemed too dangerous.

Well, I suppose you're right, but not all humans are bad.

You have proven that, Prince.

You have a kind heart.

I will report that to the people of my world.

And tell them that someday we can live together in peace.

And that they probably shouldn't blow up the earth.

I'm sorry, what?

Oh, uh, forget that last part.

Probably won't happen anyway.

Telepathy is, uh, really tricky sometimes.

Now, I must go.

I only wanted to have some time with you.

And tell you how I felt.

And how your soul touched me.

Oh, couldn't we just have a few more moments together?

Well, I suppose a few earth minutes will kill me.

I think you need to take out the translator for a few minutes.

Okay.

That was wonderful.

Penny, for your thought.

Oh, my goodness.

I just remembered.

Bigfoot, you have to go. Bad hunters are coming here to kill you.

You don't have a tiny little second to waste.

You are right.

But I believe you originally came here to get your photos.

I don't care about that anymore. I just care about you getting home safe.

I kept this for just that purpose.

Your friends are counting on you.

I don't even know your name.

Other than Bigfoot.

In your language, it is pronounced... What?

Let's just speak with Bigfoot.

Okay.

Thank you.

Well, strike a pose, Bigfoot.

the translation device.

During any lunar eclipse, I will be able to communicate with you.

And don't forget to turn up the reverb.

Because it'll remind me of you.

Now go.

Go.

Wow! Did you guys ever miss a lot?

Are you okay?

I'm better than okay.

Oh.

My. God.

He's going back to his home. Where he's safe and sound.

And I'm gonna miss him.

I'm really gonna miss him.

Oh, Prudence. You didn't.

What?

Positive first contact with an alien race is really important.

Bye. Wow.

That all worked out so well. Not only did my Bigfoot picture sell.

But my flying saucer picture got picked up by all the news services.

The tests are going to come rolling in. I know. It looks like you and Mike are

finally going to be getting the degree.

It's so hard for her.

And, of course, the big money.

Your chemical toys are little hunky lumberjacks or porcupines.

I hope you still found something for your blog.

Well, let's just say that I felt something much better than sweating on

people on the job.

You see, Prudence, you had nothing but good thoughts about Bigfoot.

And those good thoughts have manifested many good things.

Not for us.

Tell her, Prudence.

Laura, I see how hard you work to keep this place running, so I'm going to make

sure that we split all the money that comes from the photos.

Prudence, I don't know what to... It's the right thing to do.

See? We're just manifesting great things like crazy here.

I agree.

When are we going to tell Dirk about what happened? I mean, the whole Bigfoot

flying away thing?

He can't keep moping around here all day forever.

I know.

I'm going to tell him tonight.

I feel kind of bad for him.

Please come back.

I know we can work this out.