Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Let me ask you a question.

What number comes after eight?

I don't know.

Nine?

Ha!

There you go.

See, you're already more qualified to design this

station than the person who did it.

You know, for me, I'd put track nine

right next to track eight.

Instead of around the corner from track 14,

like these idiots decided to do.

There's been a lot of construction.

There used to be a sign out there,

I'm sure.

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

There's always a reason, isn't there?

Let me have, uh...

Let me have three scotches there, will you?

Mm.

I like that.

Saves me work later.

Where is everybody?

It's Valentine's Day.

Look around.

Does this place say romance to you?

Oh, boy.

Mm.

So what is your big holiday around here?

Wednesday.

Yeah.

What you reading there, a book?

It's a new John Grisham.

I'd really like to finish it before the

movie comes out.

Why don't you want to talk?

You're a bartender, right?

You've been seeing too many movies.

The kindly bartender with the sympathetic ear?

It's just a cliche.

A rumor spread by alcoholics.

You know, I just thought that...

All right, I'm gonna fill you in on

my plan, okay?

I'm gonna read my book for about another

hour.

Then I'm gonna turn on the Knicks game.

Now, if you're still here at that point

and you want to say something to me

about the game, like, nice shot, bad call,

feel free.

Unless you're not a Knicks fan, in which

case you can just shut up altogether, okay?

We should be on the same page, which

is where I've been since you came in.

Am I supposed to watch that Knicks game?

Oh, sweet death.

You know, if today had gone the way

it's supposed to, I'd be on my way

home right now to watch it.

No, no, no.

That'd be me doing something I wanted to.

You know, I mean, this morning.

You know, I-I go to the same

diner I always go to every day.

French coffee, please.

Oh, John, hey, are we still on to

watch the Knicks game today?

Absolutely.

Figured we'll order some pizza.

Oh, by the way, if anyone asks, it's

your birthday.

You got a half price that way.

What about Valentine's Day?

What about it?

Well, Becker, I know you don't care or

have anyone who does care.

But, Jake, what about Amanda?

It's the first Valentine's Day since you've been

married, divorced, and back together again.

You know, they should make a card for

that.

Amanda doesn't care about Valentine's Day.

That's one of the things we have in

common, a shared hatred for all things fake

and tacky.

Valentine's Day is not tacky.

Oh, come on, you hate Valentine's Day.

Not anymore.

Look, I got flowers.

Oh, I was assuming you'd sent those to

yourself like you did last year.

I never sent myself flowers.

Reg, come on.

It's us.

Well, I didn't send these.

It's the first Valentine's Day that I have

a date.

He's really handsome.

His name is Scott.

And he has a job.

Well, it's a big deal to me.

What about you, Bob?

Any big plans tonight?

Yeah.

So far, I got about 12 hooks in

the water.

I like to cast a wide net and

see what I catch.

So you're trolling for dates?

Actually, it's more like fishing with dynamite.

Toss a couple of sticks in the water,

let it blow up, and then she would

float to the top.

Great story.

Thanks for sharing.

You know how long I had to sit

there and talk about fishing?

Yeah.

25 minutes.

I wanted to kill myself.

I know the feeling.

Yeah, if you don't mind, I'm gonna get

back to my book.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right.

Boring story, anyway.

I'm only going to my ex-wife's wedding.

The woman who cheated on me every chance

she got.

I don't even know why I divorced her.

I should have just murdered her and framed

my lawyer, like the guy in the book

you're reading.

Okay.

This better be good.

So why on earth would you want to

go to your ex-wife's wedding?

I didn't want to.

It was my nurse, Margaret.

Whenever she wants me to do something I

don't want to do, she gives me this

look.

What look?

What?

I was looking through your desk, and I

found this.

An invitation to your ex-wife's wedding.

Oh.

Well, what the hell are you doing going

through my desk?

It's the only way that I find out

what's going on around here.

Sandra lives in Connecticut, which means that you're

going to have to leave early.

Which means that I am going to have

to reschedule all the patients.

No, you don't.

Why don't you ever tell me anything?

The wedding is tonight.

It doesn't matter.

How are you going to pull this off?

Easy.

I'm not going.

Oh, did you send in the RSVP card?

Yes, I did send in the RSVP.

Oh.

Okay, then.

So she knows that you're not coming.

Uh, no, no.

Not exactly.

I sent the card in on a day

when I thought I might have wanted to

go.

Now I don't feel that way, so I'm

not going.

Oh, you said you're going, so you have

to go.

You are going.

End of story.

Wait a minute.

She works for you?

Yeah.

Sounds more like you work for her.

Feels that way, too.

Still, she does have a point, though.

You sent in the card.

It's kind of rude not to show up.

Kind of rude of my ex-wife to

cheat on me and take half my money.

Hmm.

I've been there.

Didn't mind the cheating so much, but the

money really hurts, doesn't it?

It's a pattern in my life.

Give me money to people who don't deserve

it.

It's 10.30. I'm going to lunch.

Whoa, whoa.

You just got here.

I know, but I have a date.

You also have a job.

I have an early lunch date, a late

lunch date, one at dinner, and one around

midnight.

Wow, Linda, you really take Valentine's Day seriously.

Oh, it's Valentine's Day?

Wait, wait, wait.

Hold on.

I need your help.

Now that someone is leaving early to go

to his ex-wife's wedding, we've got a

lot of work to do.

No, you don't.

There's no way in hell I'm going to

that wedding, and that's final.

So, judging from your attire, you're either 50

years late for the prom, or you lost

the battle.

I lose a lot of battles.

Too many women in my life.

You know, Margaret's right.

You should have never sent that card in.

Now you have to go.

She already paid for your dinner.

Have you seen my divorce settlement?

I think I paid for my own dinner.

Hell, I think I paid for everyone's dinner.

In fact, it wouldn't help if you had

a date, because you know I'd do that

for you.

You would?

Absolutely.

If I didn't already have a date with

Scott.

Did I tell you I have a date

with Scott?

Look at my flowers.

Look at my chocolates.

What the hell does that have to do

with anything?

Nothing.

I just want you to look.

Okay.

Yes, I sent her flowers, but I did

not know she was your wife.

Geez.

You follow a woman around the supermarket for

half an hour, you think you know her.

Well, so far, that's three no's, two get

lost, and one married guy who suggests I

go on a date with myself.

I'm paraphrasing.

Hey, Jake, you ready for some basketball tonight?

Well, it looks like I might not make

it.

Turns out Amanda isn't so indifferent to Valentine's

Day after all.

What happened?

I thought she didn't care.

Well, so did I, but I got the

impression that she changed her mind somewhere between

the words heartless bastard and rotten hell.

Well, Amanda sounds really pissed.

Maybe she'll bring her something.

A necklace, maybe.

Sounds like she's already wearing something of his

around her neck.

What's that supposed to mean?

Bob's just jealous that you have a woman

to push you around, and he doesn't.

You know what?

That's it.

I'm going home.

I'm telling Amanda that she can't tell me

what to do.

I don't care if it is Valentine's Day.

There you go.

Jake, that's a men's room.

Yeah, I know.

I need time to think of what I'm

gonna say.

So, Becker, if none of my prospects pan

out, can I come over and watch the

game with you?

You know, Bob, I don't care what you

do.

Hey, that's the closest I've gotten to a

yes all day.

It's a date.

Hey, beautiful.

Hey, you.

Oh, chocolates.

Can I have one?

Oh, no.

These are not to be eaten there.

To be saved and treasured.

That way, for the rest of my life,

I can remember what a great day today

was.

That's exactly why I keep the hamster that

Jimmy Fisher gave me in the fifth grade.

Still alive?

Yeah, he calls me every few months.

I can't get rid of him.

So, when are you leaving for the wedding?

I'm not going.

But you have to.

Margaret said so.

Why is it so hard for everyone to

understand I'm not going?

I don't want to go.

I don't want to go to Connecticut.

I don't want to see Sandra.

I don't want to walk into a room

full of people and have them talk about

me all night.

Well, they'll talk about you more if you

don't go.

Oh, there'll be hundreds of people.

They won't even notice.

Of course they will.

You know that table by the door with

the place cards?

Yours is going to be the only one

that no one picked up.

Everyone's going to be looking at that lonely

little card.

Dr. John Becker.

Ex-husband.

Too afraid to show his face.

I don't care.

Well, if you don't go, they're going to

think you gained 100 pounds.

I don't care.

Or they'll think you were arrested.

I don't care.

Or they'll think you turned out to be

gay.

I don't care.

Or they'll think that you're still in love

with her.

I don't care.

What'd you just say?

They'll think that you're still in love with

her.

Oh, all right, I'll go.

So, basically, you're going to your ex-wife's

wedding to prove that you're not still in

love with her?

Something like that.

I'd go to my ex's funeral, but only

to make sure she was dead.

Hey, you ought to make that 5.15.

You better get out of here.

That's all right, I'll catch the next one.

That way I'll miss the uncomfortable milling-around

part before the wedding.

Mm, I hate that part.

It's the worst.

You got to talk to people and tell

them how good they look, which is hard,

because they haven't served the drinks yet.

Yeah, I always wait to serve the liquor

till after the ceremony.

The church is the part you need to

get loaded for.

I completely forgot about the ceremony.

Ugh.

Knowing Sandra, she probably wrote her own vows.

There may not be enough alcohol in the

world to get me through that, but let's

try, shall we?

You're not going to believe Margaret and Linda.

I mean, they already got my train ticket,

they rented my tux, now they're out buying

a gift.

Women, just hear the word wedding.

Becker, we all have to do things we

don't want to do.

I know Sandra's wedding is probably bringing up

a lot of issues for you, so I

just want you to know, if there's anything

that you want to talk about...

Oh, my God, is that for me?

Becker, look what I got.

Could you sign here, please?

Isn't it a wonderful day to be in

love?

I wouldn't know.

I've been divorced three times, and I'm drowning

in alimony.

I'm afraid to take this crappy job.

So, and you make me say this, have

a berry special day.

Thank you.

You too.

Can't wait for tonight.

Isn't he so sweet?

Scott's just the best.

I wuv you.

Wait a minute, what?

The bear, it says, I wuv you.

I wuv you.

You hate those stupid bears.

Yeah, what kind of guys send those things?

Losers.

That's the type that Reggie attracts.

She's pretty, got a good head on her

shoulders, but when it comes to men, she's

a mess.

Scott, Scott, Scott.

You were doing so well.

Why did you have to throw it all

away on an I wuv you bear?

He doesn't even know what wuv is.

So you're dumping the guy?

I have to.

This isn't just a bear.

This is a plush omen of doom.

The kind of guy who sends this is

the kind of guy who cries after sex,

who leaves a poem on your pillow, who,

every time you're at a movie and a

baby comes on screen, squeezes your hand.

Why do I always attract guys like that?

Well, maybe it's the ads you're answering.

I don't answer ads.

Reg, come on, it sucks.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Jake.

Good, you're here.

Listen, things with me and Amanda are cool.

I laid down the law.

I told her she has to accept that

I have friends, and that I'm gonna do

what I'm gonna do Valentine's Day and night.

Actually, I kind of got suckered into going

to this wedding, Jake, so I came to...

Oh, thank God.

All right, I better get home before she

trashes the place.

That Jake guy sounds totally whipped.

Yeah, he's got to learn how to stand

up for himself.

I mean, she treats him like a little

boy.

How still?

You got schmutz on your cheek.

Monica, come on, leave me alone, will you?

Don't forget your gift.

Oh, when did I get her?

Just what you always wanted, a gravy boat.

That's the worst gift I've ever heard.

It was the cheapest thing on the registry.

Oh, then good job.

Okay, all right, let's get a look at

you.

John, brown shoes.

It's bad enough wearing rented pants.

I'll be damned if I'll stick my foot

in some other man's shoe.

Why, I don't bowl.

You don't bowl because those little girls made

fun of you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You were bowling and little girls made fun

of you?

First of all, bowling's stupid.

And second of all, when I was leaning

over to release the ball, I heard my

pants rip, so I stood up quickly and

got a little dizzy.

Long story short, I ended up sitting on

some little girl's birthday cake.

With the candles lit.

That's why I said, long story short.

Look at you.

Who'd have thought you'd clean up so well?

Yeah, it's true what they say.

A tuxedo can make anyone look good.

And I'm very proud of you for going.

I know it's not an easy thing for

you to do.

Oh.

Oh, thank you, Linda.

Hurry up, John.

You're gonna miss your train.

So I really have to go?

Yeah.

Because if you don't, people will think that...

I still love her.

Told you, Margaret.

Well, that was a very interesting story.

Yeah, I'm not finished.

I know, but the game's on.

Well, I can take a hint.

Not really.

I get it, I get it.

Yeah, you're sick of me.

Who wouldn't be?

I just wasted an hour of your time

feeling sorry for myself.

If you're gonna make that wedding, you better

get going.

I'm in no rush.

Just watch your game, pretend I'm not here.

Tried that.

You're not going, are you?

Uh...

Maybe that Linda was right.

Maybe you are still in love with your

ex-wife.

No, no, I'm not.

Then what is it?

I don't want to walk into a room

full of people all staring at me, thinking

the same thing, that she's moved on and

I haven't.

I know that's what they're thinking, because that's

what I'm thinking.

I'm still alone, and Sandra's getting married.

Sounds to me like you're married.

What?

Okay, we're in a commercial.

Let's start with the girl in the diner.

Reggie?

Right, Reggie.

Look, it's easy to find someone who'll listen

to you, but she seems to actually care

about you.

That's hard to find, trust me.

Then there's that Jake guy you were supposed

to watch the game with.

Sounds like a pretty good friend.

Could be your best friend.

And what about Linda at the office?

She drives you crazy, but obviously admires the

hell out of you.

And that nurse.

Margaret.

Right, Margaret.

She's really tough on you, but I think

she's looking out for you.

Now, you put all those people together, you

got yourself a great wife.

You know, I never thought of it that

way.

Yeah.

In fact, I think you're more married to

your wife than I am to mine.

Yeah, except for the sex.

Like I said.

That's something you may be right.

Thank you.

Yeah.

You know, you really better get going.

Your train leaves in ten minutes.

Really?

Okay, twenty.

I just really want to watch the game.

Where have you been?

What are you doing here?

The game started an hour ago.

We were supposed to watch it together.

So?

So.

You didn't even call.

Are you out of your mind?

I was really looking forward to this evening.

And you ruined it.

I made sandwiches.

Really?

Really?

What kind?

Turkey, roast beef and salami.

I didn't know what you wanted.

I'm sorry.

I forgot we had plans.

Why do I even bother?

Would it help if I gave you a

gift?

I don't know.

Maybe.

A gravy boat.

Doesn't make it all right, but it's a

start.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Oh.

Happy Valentine's Day to you too, Bob.

Here, I fixed you a plate.

Thanks.

And I suppose if you wanted me to

know why you were wearing a tuxedo, you

would have told me.

I was supposed to go to a...

I don't want to talk about it.

Okay, fine.

We'll talk about it later.

Let's just forget about all of this and

finish watching the game.

Get your feet off the table.