Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) I'd love to know who that guy is

with Becker.

Uh-oh.

It's mating season again.

Could be.

He's real cute.

You're right.

He is cute.

What?

I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to say

another man is cute.

Do you think I'm cute?

You have your cute days.

Well, that's good to know.

Uh, all right, Reg, I'll see you later.

I'm going to the post office.

Hey, you mind if I go with you?

Oh, if you're gonna mail a letter, fine.

If you're going because you want to watch

me walk, forget it.

No, really, I'm going that way.

Yeah, that's the vibe I'm getting.

Okay, who needs coffee?

I do.

Thank you, Reg.

Oh, you're so welcome.

Nothing like freshly brewed coffee to start your

day, right?

I wouldn't know.

Hi, I don't believe we've met.

I'm Reggie.

I'm Dan.

I'm Sal.

What up, Sal?

How about that coffee, Dan?

No, thanks.

I'm fine.

I actually have to make a quick call.

And don't listen to him.

Your coffee is delicious.

Yeah.

Okay, spill it.

Who is he?

Dan Fallon.

Who's Dan Fallon?

Uh, friend of mine from medical school.

Cardiologist.

Oh, so he's not like you.

He's a real doctor.

Boy, that really hurts, coming from a real

waitress.

Don't get all excited.

He just came out of a long marriage.

Oh.

Yeah, broke up about six months ago.

Oh.

Look, Becker, if you could just...

Oh, all I want is...

All I'm asking you to...

No, no, no.

I do not set people up.

They always hold you responsible.

You know, they're married 50 years, one of

them dies.

It's your fault.

Come on, Becker, please.

It's not gonna happen, Red.

She's a friend of mine.

So is his ex-wife.

Well, I'm a friend of yours.

Then don't ask me to do this.

You know, there's only one thing better than

a grateful patient.

It's a grateful patient with rangers.

Oh, I love the rangers.

Oh, God.

You're a hockey fan?

Give me a hot dog, a beer, and

some broken teeth, and I'm in heaven.

Oh, why don't you join me, then?

John's probably getting sick of me anyway.

No, I'd love to go to the hockey

game.

Pick you up here about 6?

Sounds great.

Oh, you know, I refer patients to you

for 20 years.

She gets to go to the hockey game.

Don't worry, John.

Next tickets I get will probably still take

her.

Yeah.

Linda, I'm so glad you're here.

We've got wall-to-wall patients and a

month's worth of insurance claims to get out.

I'll get right on it.

Oh, my God.

You can see right through that blouse.

You are not working here dressed like that.

Yes.

Get back here.

But I can't stay here.

I'm terribly inappropriate.

I really should be someplace dark, like a

movie.

What were you thinking?

I don't know, maybe something with Bruce Willis

or...

You're staying.

And you're wearing that.

And you, get your eyes back in your

head, you pervert.

Great, now I look like a frumpy nurse.

Excuse me.

And by that, I mean I don't wear

it nearly as well as you do.

Hi, Margaret.

I know I'm a little early.

What time's my appointment again?

11 o'clock.

Got it.

Tomorrow.

Where is my head?

Well, we all have our theories.

Okay, I'm putting it in my book for

tomorrow, Tuesday at 11.

Tomorrow's Wednesday.

It is?

Where does the time go?

No, really, where does it go?

Hey, Margaret, is Becker in?

Yeah, he's in his office.

Thanks.

So, has he called?

Who?

Dan.

No, why would he call?

To tell you what a great time we

had on our date, you know?

How we went to the game, we held

hands, we stayed up all night talking.

Oh, right, I remember, he did call.

He told me to tell you to meet

him under the bleachers after study hall.

See ya.

No, Becker, wait.

If you recall, I have a rule.

I don't want to get involved in this,

Reg.

Yes, I know, and I respect that.

But I think I might really like this

guy.

So to hell with your rule.

Tell me every single thing you know about

his ex-wife.

No, just leave me alone, all right?

Becker, he made some comment about how different

I was from her.

Is it true?

Are we different?

No, you're not different.

Why'd your voice go up like that?

It did not.

You just did it again.

When people's voices go up like that, they're

hiding something.

Don't be silly.

What is it that you don't want me

to know about her?

Who is she?

What does she look like?

You're different, that's all.

You're tall, she's not so tall.

You own a diner, she doesn't.

Look, we all have our own strengths, right?

Right.

So what are my strengths?

I just told you, you're tall and you

own a diner.

Dr. Becker, Mrs. Cohen's waiting for you in

room two.

Hi, Reggie.

Hi.

Why are you wearing a bedspread?

It's Margaret's and I hate it.

So take it off.

Put it back on.

Clearly, I have my hands full.

You know what I mean.

Look, look.

If you and Dan are having a good

time today, forget about his ex-wife, you

know, just leave it alone.

You're right.

I always obsess about stuff like this and

I shouldn't.

I mean, who cares about her?

I have a lot to offer.

Sure you do.

So I spent five months in one of

those horrible just-divorced apartment complexes.

It's like a halfway house for guys learning

to live with half their money.

Well, this place is certainly nice.

Well, not yet, but I hope it will

be once I get unpacked.

All my personal stuff's still in all these

boxes.

Oh, personal stuff.

Scrapbooks and photo albums.

It's amazing how you can reduce your entire

life to a few packing boxes.

So these boxes right here, these are the

ones with the photo albums.

Interesting.

What kind of a host am I?

Let me get you something to drink.

Is wine okay?

Oh, that would be great.

I'll be right back.

Comic books, baseball cards.

Jeez, when did they grow up?

Red or white?

Red would be great.

Just make yourself at home.

Oh, I am.

You want something to go with that wine?

I got something here that I'm pretty sure

is cheese.

Sounds good.

Take your time.

Comic books, CDs, wine glasses.

Where the hell are the pictures?

Jackpot!

The wedding album.

There you go.

Oh, about the cheese, I took a closer

look.

It wasn't cheese.

I hope you don't mind drinking out of

these.

I haven't found my wine glasses yet.

Oh, they're right in...

That's okay.

We don't have to be fancy.

I'm so disorganized.

Well, I'd be happy to go through your

stuff.

I mean, help you go through your stuff.

You'll sort everything out.

Or we could just enjoy the wine.

Right?

Mmm.

This is great.

You must know a lot about wine.

No, actually, my ex-wife was the wine

expert.

She drank a lot?

She was a drinker?

No, she just liked good wine.

But let's not talk about her.

There's something else I'd rather do.

Look through your wedding album?

No.

Wasn't that better?

I don't know.

I haven't seen your album.

Reggie!

You look tired.

Oh, I was up all night.

Oh, that's right.

New boyfriend.

Relationships are always so hot in the beginning.

You know, before you have to put a

name with the face?

I wasn't with Dan.

I was by myself.

Ooh, that could be good, too.

No.

I couldn't sleep.

I was up all night stressing about Dan's

ex.

What about her?

Well, that's just it.

I don't know anything about her.

Who is this woman?

What does she do?

What does she look like?

You know, I gotta find out what I'm

up against.

Dating divorced men is so complicated.

That's why I only date guys who are

single or married.

You know, Reg, I have a novel idea.

If you want to know about his ex

-wife, ask him.

I don't want to pry.

That would be wrong.

So I got Bob to do it for

me.

What are you talking about?

Well, I sent him over to Becker's.

He and Dan and his ex-wife all

went to college together, so maybe there's pictures.

Well, as long as you're not prying.

Greetings, everybody.

Bob's back, and he's got the goods.

Oh.

Did you get something on Dan's ex?

Oh, forget about her.

What Bob found is so much better.

Feast your eyes on this.

Oh!

Uh, a little help here?

Well, my fine blind friend, back in college,

it seems, John Becker was a member of

a barbershop quartet called, get this, the Harvard

Squares.

Oh, my God!

I recognize that sport coat!

John B.

Bob Becker sings Good Night, Sweetheart to the

Kaplas.

What does that mean?

You know what it means!

That song!

Good night, sweetheart, well, it's time to go.

Doh, doh, doh, doh, doh.

Yeah, I'm hearing laughing, I'm hearing singing, but

I'm not hearing anything about Dan's ex.

Oh, yeah, that.

My name is Pam Patterson.

You know, and I found a bunch of

clippings, but they all can't be about the

same person.

I mean, no one woman could be Miss

Virginia, a Rhodes Scholar, Phi Beta Kappa, and

turn down a fellowship to NASA.

Miss Virginia?

A Rhodes Scholar?

I haven't been any of those.

Well, look, you got a lot of great

qualities, and, you know, any guy would be

lucky to have you.

You really think so?

Sure I do!

Why didn't you tell me that Pam Patterson

was the most accomplished woman in the entire

world?

Oh, so you saw that thing on the

news last night?

She was on the news?

Well, every time the U.N. has a

new policy...

She works for the U.N.? No, the

president, really.

You know, the Commission on Public Education?

Well, she's the head of the whole...

You know, never mind.

Look, why even bring this up now?

You know, he's with you.

But why?

I don't know.

There's no such thing as a stupid question.

Idiot.

What is that?

What's what?

That song.

Oh, that?

That was Rocky Like a Hurricane by the

Scorpions.

Oh.

Well, all right, then.

Morning!

I know, I know, I'm a little late.

A day late.

That's impossible.

Well, you'd think so.

Oh, I know what happened.

It's my Aunt Connie's fault.

She just came in from Australia.

Bring in yesterday with her?

No, silly.

When she visits, I set all the clocks

back 12 hours.

That way she doesn't get jet lag.

Maybe that'll make sense later.

Well, you know, you do have to reschedule.

How about tomorrow morning at 9 o'clock?

Perfect.

We'll just be finishing dinner.

So, Jake.

Yes, Bob?

How are things going with you and Amanda?

Pretty good.

In fact, lately, she's been calling me Sweetheart.

Really?

Yeah.

You know, I usually don't like pet names,

but I think Sweetheart's kind of catchy.

Yeah, yeah, it is, it is.

It's almost melodic.

I thought so, too.

You know, it's got a nice ring to

it, you know?

How you doing, Sweetheart?

Hi, Sweetheart.

Good night, Sweetheart.

Yeah, how about shut up, Sweetheart?

Yeah, Jake, you're right.

That's nice.

Good night, Sweetheart.

Well, it's time to go.

I hate to leave you, but I really

must say I gotta count some candy.

What the hell are you doing?

Nothing.

Can't a guy say hello?

Hi, I'm sorry to come by without calling.

Just, I've had something on my mind and

I wanted to talk to you about it.

Sure, no problem.

Come on in.

Just putting the place together.

Have a seat.

It's just one little question and then I'll

go.

Okay, shoot.

Why the hell are you going out with

me?

Are you insane?

Manage, what are you talking about?

I can't compete with your ex-wife.

I mean, today, when she was busy advising

the president.

You know what I was doing?

I was changing the fat in the deep

fryer.

So what?

So she's perfect.

She writes books, she wins awards, she can

cook.

I can't do any of those.

It is over between Pam and me.

I haven't spoken to her in months.

She could be on the moon for all

I care.

See, but that's just it.

She actually could be on the moon.

Well, I'm not gonna lie to you.

Pam is an impressive woman, but she's got

a lot of faults.

Name one.

Seriously, I'll take anything.

She snores.

Really?

Like a pig?

No, no.

She's kind of cute, really, like a...

Oh, yeah, like a pig.

I really shouldn't have come here.

I'm sorry.

I'm being stupid.

I've got to get back to the diner.

Wait, Reggie.

Listen, everything that Pam's done, all of her

accomplishments, none of that matters.

She's not in my life anymore.

You are.

Oh, you're sweet.

I really needed to hear that.

Oh, geez, now I kind of feel bad

about calling her so many times and hanging

up.

Talk to you later.

Absolutely.

Linda!

What is that?

Nothing.

I was just dusting the piano.

Well, stop it.

Do, do, do, do, do.

Do, do, do, do.

Do, do, do, do, do.

Hey, what's going on here?

Nothing.

Well, stop it.

Right day, right time, I made it.

I guess third time's a charm.

Well, actually, this is my fourth time.

I was here this morning at 6.

I had the clock upside down.

I thought it was 9.

Well, wouldn't that be the...

It's a digital clock.

I'm not stupid.

I'll get your file.

Da, da, da, da, da.

Da, da, da, da.

You're doing it, too.

Why are you singing that song?

Was I singing?

Yes, you were singing Goodnight, Sweetheart.

I'm hearing it everywhere I go.

People are either humming it or singing it

or tapping it out on the piano.

Dr. Becker, you're not making any sense.

How's it feel?

You mean my shoulder?

It's still a little sore.

That's why I'm here.

What are you talking about?

Well, a couple of weeks ago, you examined

my shoulder and you suggested that I get

a second opinion, so here I am.

So what do they say?

Oh, you mean a second opinion from another

doctor.

Coffee, Reg?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Becker, I haven't heard from Dan in a

couple of days and I wondered if you'd

talked to him.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, he called

me this morning.

Is everything all right?

Uh, look, we need to talk.

Talk?

Maybe we should sit down.

Talk and sit?

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

Ooh, I got a bad feeling.

This is never easy, Reg.

It's about you and Dan.

Oh, I knew it.

He's gonna come here and break up with

me, isn't he?

No, no, no, that's not gonna happen.

Oh, thank God.

Yeah, he sent me here to break up

with you.

Why?

Well, yeah, he realized he missed Pam and

decided they still belonged together.

I thought he was over her.

Well, so did he, until somebody couldn't shut

up about how great she is and all

the fantastic things she's done.

Me?

Yes, you.

You made him fall in love with her

all over again.

Well, why didn't he come here and tell

me himself?

Uh, well, the truth is, those phony phone

calls really freaked him out.

You know whose fault this is, don't you?

It's yours.

You should have never set us up to

begin with.

What?

Yeah, and when you saw how obsessed I

was, you didn't even try to stop me.

I did, too.

Well, you didn't try hard enough.

Oh, yeah, right, it's all my fault.

Yeah, of course, yeah.

Maybe I should have a rule about how

I shouldn't get involved in other people's lives.

Oh, Becker, why do these things never work

out for me?

Well, look on the bright side here, you

know, maybe the next guy you meet will

care enough to break up with you in

person.

I'm sorry, you know, I'm not good at

this.

I never know what to say.

Really?

Because if you think about it, all you

had to say was, do-do-do-do

-do, good night, sweetheart, well, it's time to

go.

Do-do-do-do-do, good night, sweetheart,

well, it's time to go.

I was trying to fit in.

I didn't have any friends, all right?

We hate to leave you, but we really

must say...

My mother said I had a great voice.

Good night, sweetheart, good night.

Good night, sweetheart, good night.