All language subtitles for Whose Line Is It Anyway! (US) - S01E02 - Brad Sherwood WEBDL-1080p_Subtítulos01.ENG

(Drew)
Good evening and welcome
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

'Tonight's performers,
the man who put the wood'

'in Sherwood, Brad Sherwood.'

'The illegitimate son of Mike
and Carol, Wayne Brady.'

'Say it loud, he's bald
and proud, Colin Mochrie.'

'And the cute Beatle,
Ryan Stiles.'

And I'm your host Drew Carey.
Come on, let's have some fun.

Hello, and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

The show where everything
is made up

and the points don't matter.

What happens on this show
is all four performers

are gonna come up here,
appear during the show

and they're gonna totally
make up and improvise everything

you're gonna see tonight
based on the suggestions

from us and the audience.

And then at the end
of each thing they do

I'm gonna award them points,
which really don't matter

'cause at the end of the show,
I'm just gonna pick

whoever I like the best
to, uh, join me

'to do some impromptus
at the end of the show.'

So, uh, ready to get started
and see how it works?

We are gonna start

with a game called
Let's Make A Date.

This is for all our players.

Ryan, Colin and Wayne,
you're gonna be contestants

'on a dating-type show
hoping to be picked by Brad'

'just like we all are.'

'And, uh'

each of them has been given
a strange characteristic

or identity.
They've never seen these
before.

'Uh, they're, first time
they're
looking inside the
envelopes.'

'Brad, you're gonna
question them about'

'their suitability for
dating.
We all know how it works.'

And, uh, at the end

you're gonna try to guess
who they are.

When you're ready, Brad,
go ahead.

[as a woman]
Bachelor number one

'I love poetry.'

'Write me a poem.'

A woman like you
is so first-rate.

That's how I equate you
to this beautiful state.

I'd love to run my hands
through your rich, lush
foliage

and to be your man
would be my privilege.

Vote me.

Ding.

Bachelor number two

if I were a damsel in
distress,
how would you rescue me?

I'd have to think
about it first.

Hopefully, if your face
was on fire, I'd beat it
out.

'Uh..'

- Look deep into my eyes--
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

Come on. Come on.

Woo me.

- What you?
- Woo me.

Oh. Alright, just once.

Woo! Woo! Woo!

Woo! Woo, woo, woo!

Hmm, you might not win.

Bachelor number three..

...I love to get swept away.

How will you sweep me away?

Well, first I'd probably..

...take you down to a beach
in Florida

where we'd lie on the beach,
look at the stars

many of which
I've been to before.

I don't know what..

[gagging]

[buzzer]

Okay, Brad, you wanna
guess, uh, who they are?

I think, uh, bachelor number one

'is a politician
running for office.'

Yeah, he's running
for governor, right.

I think bachelor number two

thinks I'm the ugliest woman
on the planet.

Yeah, he thinks
you're absolutely repulsive.

And bachelor number three
is either Jim Henson

'or he's had an alien
coming out of him.'

Oh, either one would be
correct.
Thank you very much.

That'll be 100 points to Colin

for finally telling
the truth about Brad.

Now we're gonna go on
to a game called, uh

Film, Theater
And Television Styles.

This is for Ryan and Colin

'and, uh, they're gonna
act out a scene'

and, uh, we here in the
audience, we're gonna give them

different, uh, film, theater and
television styles to act out in.

What I need from the audience is
different styles of television--

- Shakespeare, Shakespeare.
- 'Shakespeare.'

- Sci-fi.
- Mime.

Mime doesn't really work good
on a show with microphones.

- Romantic western.
- One-man show.

- Horror.
- Western.

- Musical.
- Disaster, horror, well,
uh..

One-man show won't work
'cause it's..

- Porno.
- Porno's a good one,

Whoever said porno.

Okay, that's enough.
We can go.

Uh, okay, your, uh, scene is

Colin suspects his rival Ryan of

yeah, that's you, of cheating
in a fly fishing competition.

And, uh, you're gonna
start out like normal

'and I'll put in these
different
styles as you get going.'

[imitates gunshots]

- Excuse me, I..
- Yes.

[chuckles]

I hope you don't think
I'm being forward

but I think you're cheating.

I hope you have some proof
to back that up.

Well, all those fish with
the big holes in their
gullets.

[buzzer]

Uh, Western movie.

That's right, I shot 'em.

'Cause they were no-good fish.

That fish was my pa!

I should have known.
You look like a guppy.

I didn't know you guppy boys
were back in town.

Them's fightin' words, stretch.

[buzzer]

Disaster.

My God,
all the water in the pond..

...it's going. The fish
are just lying on the beach.

And they're
bursting
into flame.

And the ground's
starting to shake.

Meteor!

There's only one hope.

- Run from side to side?
- Yes.

[buzzer]

Uh, porno.

I'm all sweaty.

Yes, you are.

Let me grab something
I can dry you off with.

Wow, you're all tense.

You have very strong hands.
Are you a plumber?

[imitates sexy music]

[buzzer]

Alright, that's plenty.

That's great. Thank you.

Very nice.

A hundred points to Ryan for
making me think of him naked.

Now we go into a game
called Duet.

'This is for Brad and Wayne'

'and they're gonna
be accompanied'

'by Laura Hall on the piano.'

Laura Hall.

They're gonna sing a duet,
anyone here in the audience

would like a duet
sung about them?

Anybody.. Hey, right here
in the front row.

- What's your name? What?
- Alicia.

Alicia, what do you do
for a living, Alicia?

- I'm a student.
- A student of what?

- Music.
- Uh-oh.

[Drew chuckles]
This I gotta see.

Alicia, student of music,
meet Brad and Wayne.

- What instrument do you..
- Hi.

(Brad)
Back off.

- What's your main instrument?
- I sing.

[chuckles]

Would you like to borrow
some cotton?

Wow.

(Drew)
'I'm just kidding around.
They're really good.'

Uh, Alicia, they're gonna
sing a song to you

'and they're going to do it
in the style of a swing song'

sort of a Dean Martin/
Sammy Davis Jr. type of thing.

[piano music]

♪ Do do do do ♪

♪ Shababa do do ba do do ♪

♪ Now check this man
listen to me ♪

♪ You and I could make
some groovy harmony ♪

♪ Because I like that way
your notes they sail ♪

♪ I'd like to run all
up and down your scale ♪

♪ Alicia good to meet ya ♪

♪ Don't you fret ♪
♪ Swing cat swing ♪

♪ 'Cause when I change your key
you and I will sing a duet ♪

♪ Ba ba day bay bay bay ♪

♪ You and me together
in two-part harmony ♪

♪ I don't care
whether you want to sing ♪

♪ In the key C or D G baby ♪

♪ Alicia you see ♪

♪ I dig you ♪
♪ Ba ba ba dwee dwee dee ♪

♪ I want to go.. ♪

[scatting]

♪ ...on you ♪

♪ There's no way
no one else compares ♪

♪ Because I dig your voice
and I dig your hair ♪

♪ Say it again
I dig your voice ♪

♪ And I dig your hair ♪♪

(Drew)
'Thank you.'

'That was great.'

Hey, while I work out
the points for that

we're gonna go to a commercial.
Don't go away.

We'll be right back
with a lot more

of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

Hey, welcome back
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

The show where everything's
made up

and the points don't matter.

Hey, we have a big score
from the last round.

If you're watching a TV
that's made in America

it'll appear right
on the bottom of your screen.

Now we go on to a game
called Weird Newscasters.

This is for all four of
you,
Brad, you're gonna be

anchorman of a news show

and, uh, Colin, Wayne and Ryan

'you're gonna be
the co-presenters.'

And, uh, Colin, you're,
you're gonna play a character.

You're a kid
showing off in class.

'Uh, Wayne, you're going
to be doing sports'

and you're a teenager
who can't believe

'he's being dumped
by his girlfriend.'

And, Ryan,
you're the weatherman.

You're getting younger
and younger.

So whenever you hear
the music, Brad..

Whenever you hear the music..

[music starts]

Hello and welcome
to the 6:30 news.

I'm your host Chuck Sirloin.

Vice President Al Gore
was at a fundraiser today

where he walked around
in women's lingerie

for charity purposes.

People say he looked good
in a pink slip.

[as a kid]
Look what I'm doing.
Look how, look, I'm
talking.

Look how fast I'm talking.
Look how fast. Look how..

Look now how I'm talking.
Look how fast my mouth is
going.

I can go.. Look, look.
Look how fast it's
going.

My mouth is going really
fast.
Blah blah blah blah.

[laughing]

Well, isn't that refreshing?

Just a little too much Ritalin.

Alright, now let's find out
what's going on

at the sports desk, shall we?

'Here's Frank "Clam" Chowder.
Frank.'

What's up?
Umm, today the Buccaneers

they lose again, but..

[no audio]

Dude, what the..

Because he lost the ball
like I lost you.

You suck.

I hate you.

Yeah, I hate you.
Yeah, broad.

I feel like the meat
in an incompetent sandwich.

And, and speaking of weather

let's find out from Al Nino
what the weekend has in store.

[as an old man]
Well, thank you, Brad.

Well, as you can see,
we've got some clouds

moving in over the weekend.

[as a middle-aged man]
Hopefully that'll clear up
a little later in the week.

A little later in the week..

[as a punk]
Wait, that is so cool
that that's gonna happen.

[as a boy]
I can't believe she kissed me.
Why would she kiss me like
that?

Goo goo, goo goo.

[babbling]

[imitates a toddler crying]

(Brad)
'Well..'

It looks like
the weekend weather report

is just going to be
a gleam in someone's eye.

That's all the time
we have for the 6:30 news.

Stay tuned tonight at 11:00.
Thank you. Goodnight.

You're fired.

That was great. Unfortunately,
that was a non-scoring round.

Now we go on to a game
called Moving People.

In this game, Colin and Ryan,
you're gonna improvise a scene

'but they can't move
unless somebody moves them.'

I need two volunteers
from the audience

'to help move Ryan
and Colin around.'

Uh, okay, you two
know each other.

Come here.

Uh, go up
to your favorite
improv-er.

Go up the cutest
one,
really quick.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

- 'Okay.'
- Oh, God bless you.

(Drew)
'What's your.. I'm sorry.
I forgot to..'

'I forgot to ask your names.
What's your name?'

- Katie.
- Lacey.

[imitates gunshot]

So, Katie and Lacey,
why don't you move

Ryan and Colin
in any old position right
now?

'They can't move
unless you move them'

'so treat them
like they're mannequins.'

'Totally flexible mannequins.'

'Remember,
we're on network television.'

'Okay, that's a good place
to start right there.'

And remember, during the scene,
they can't move

unless you move them
and, uh, Ryan and Colin..

Colin, you're an outlaw
robbing Ryan's stagecoach.

Just give me a
sec.
My gun's stuck.

That's alright,
I haven't finished

the Pledge of Allegiance yet.

Okay, now
I've got the gun loosened.

I'll just pull it
out of my nose.

- Right.
- First, I'll think about
it.

Don't shoot me.
My arms are in the air.

Don't shoot.

And I'm about to pull the gun

out of my nose.

- 'Or maybe somebody is.'
- There we go.

Give me all your..
Oh, there you are.

- Give me all your money.
- Alright.

You'll want the strongbox.
It's on top of the..

On top of my thigh here.

Look, I'll split
half the money with you

and I won't report it.
That's what I'm saying.

Either that
or we have a draw, my friend.

- Alright, back--
- Back--

- I--
- Back--

- Back to back, ten paces?
- You got it.

- Back to back, my friend.
- Here we go.

Here we go now.

Maybe I'll untwist my
legs
to make it easier.

Yes, that's exactly
what we're going to
do.

And I will face
the opposite direction of you.

Hence, back to back.

- I'm doing it now.
- Alright.

Is your gun in your holster?

I hope I pull a gun
faster than this.

Instead of ten,
why don't we make it
three?

Alrighty.

Why don't we just make it one?
Save a lot of time.

- I'm already on two.
- Alright.

- One..
- Two.

This is where
the lightning draw comes
in.

I'm just staying
in the same spot.

I'm going back and forth

just to confuse you.

Bang.

Missed.

- Bang.
- I think..

Oh, that one got me.

Oh, I'm feeling faint.

I think I might fall.

I'd catch you, but I don't think
I'd make it over there in time.

- It's okay. It's a slow
fall.
- Bang, bang.

[buzzer]

(Drew)
Thank you very much.

Oh, just think if they knew the
game was called Moving People.

Okay, uh, now we go on to a game
called Scene To Rap.

This is for Brad and Wayne.

They're gonna make up a scene

'later joined by Colin and Ryan'

'and, uh, they'll be rapping
the whole tune.'

Now, what I need
from the audience

is an everyday place
where people work.

- Summer camp.
- Bank.

- Restaurant.
- 'Summer camp's good though.'

That was the first one.
Summer camp.

Anytime you're ready.

[music starts]

♪ Well I'm sittin' in the
sun
I don't know what to do ♪

♪ Gonna get me a paddle
and maybe a canoe ♪

♪ I'm gonna have the day away ♪

♪ But make sure I get
some mosquito spray ♪

♪ I don't wanna get a sunburn ♪

♪ I got something
that I gotta learn ♪

♪ So give me some more
of that SPF ♪

♪ And put it on me right here
my friend Jeff ♪

♪ Listen to me listen to me
Yes oh man ♪

♪ Because this job
is really glad ♪

♪ To see me here
at the summer camp ♪

♪ You know you could swim
and jump off the boat ramp ♪

♪ The great thing
about this job you see ♪

♪ Is that you got
this job with me ♪

♪ We'll have this job today
and we'll have it manana ♪

♪ Here come the kids
to bust the pinata ♪

♪ Well I'm the new counselor
here to help you ♪

♪ But I'm a little shy
you gotta tell me what to do
♪

♪ Look a little weird
please don't ask ♪

♪ I got a big old knife
and a hockey mask say whoo ♪

♪ It's Jason it's Jason ♪
♪ What what ♪

♪ It's Jason it's Jason ♪

♪ He's a racin'
so we'll be facin' ♪

♪ Run run ♪
♪ Oh no oh no ♪

♪ Someone get a gun ♪

♪ Stand right there
don't have a care ♪

♪ I will save you
I'm Smokey The Bear ♪

♪ Put out that campfire
put it out now ♪

♪ Before I hit you
with a big brown cow ♪

♪ I know
that don't make much sense ♪

♪ But I don't care yeah ♪

♪ Listen to me listen to me
my heart's racing ♪

♪ Two camp counselors
there is Jason ♪

♪ I've got kids
and I've got a wife ♪

♪ He's got a hockey mask
and he's got a knife ♪

♪ I'll put out the fire
I did it already ♪

♪ Do something about the guy
with the machete ♪♪

[buzzer]

That was great.
Don't go away.

We'll be back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

Find out who the winner is
right after this.

Hi, welcome back
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

Tonight's winner, Ryan
Stiles.
Ryan stiles is the winner.

Like I said, it has nothing
to do with the points.

It's just 'cause
I like him the most.

And, uh, what we're gonna do
is we're gonna play

a game together called
90-Second Alphabet.

And, uh, we're gonna do a scene

and every sentence we say
has to start

with the very next letter
of the alphabet.

- Starting with what letter?
- G.

G. Okay, that's
the first letter I heard.

G and, uh,
Brad, what's our scene?

Drew, you're in a restaurant
complaining

to a temperamental waiter
and that will be played by
Ryan.

And how long do we get
for this 90-second
game?

Ninety seconds.

I have a stopwatch
and I will be timing you.

Gentlemen, are you ready? Go.

Garcon, garcon

there's a, uh, something
wrong with my food here.

- It's a little cold.
- Ha ha ha.

[in French accent]
I'm not your waiter,
sir.

I thought you told me
you were gonna be..

You said a big thing.
"Hi, I'm gonna be--"

Just because I speak to you
doesn't mean I must serve
you.

Knife, can I have a knife?

Is there any..
Can I have a knife?

Let me get you a knife.

Lucky I was wearing
my knife-proof vest.

Many people have said
that to me before.

Many.

Now what are you gonna do
about my meal?

Oh, suddenly
you want a free
meal.

- Is that what you're saying?
- Perhaps.

That's what I'd like.
A free meal, yes.

That would be...a good place
to start.

Que?

Right now, I think you'd
better
get your manager, young man.

Better get your manager
right now.

Super. I will.

[in American accent]
Yes, you had a problem,
sir?

Take your time. I've been
waiting here for five minutes.

My food is cold.
The waiters have been nasty--

(Brad)
'Thirty seconds.'

Usually I don't come out at all

but he said this is important.

Very good.
I'd like a free meal.

Well, who wouldn't?

Xaviera Hollander
told me to come here

and eat in this restaurant.

Yes, yes, yes,
she comes here quite often.

I've heard from her.

Ziegfried and Roy told me
this was a good place to eat.

Absolutely.
They've all had dinner
here.

Bozo The Clown said
they had the best desserts
here.

- 'Ten seconds.'
- Clowns! We never serve
clowns.

Don't you deny it.

Eclair?

Fine, I'm just gonna leave

and I'll take my business
elsewhere.

Good. Bye-bye.

[buzzer]

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much for watching
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

We'll see you next time.
Goodnight.

[theme music]